Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Fire Kracker]

yeah p much

i mean i'm a jerk but only when it's honest

[Guy Mannly]

We all are jerks once in a while, but being a jerk to look cool just isn't.

That, and there's a difference between attacking someone's post and attacking them as a person. Telling someone why their argument is flawed is acceptable (though I'd prefer it if people always gave logical arguments in this thread instead of just saying "your argument is dumb" like they sometimes do), telling them they're an idiot or saying they aren't welcome here or shouldn't come back to the thread is not.

[Foxtrot200]

Okay, guys, this is keeping me up all night and I need help.

I have a friend who I have known for over 18 years through friends of the family. I grew up with this guy and I know him quite well, but recently, I've realized that we're getting more and more incompatible with each other, mostly because our personalities clash. This is mostly due to the fact that he can be, and often is, extremely unreasonable.

Last Saturday, we met with some friends as we usually do. At some point in the evening, we got into an argument which was picked up by his brother and taken outside before he stormed out of my house towards his home. Even now, I can say that I'm still upset with him for it. He made an ass out of himself with his usual pedantry and backwards logic and embarrassed his brother in the process. The last time I was this upset with somebody, it ended in me shutting them out.

To clarify, I'd like to point out that I'm not mad. I'm disappointed that it's come to this, but I don't think I can deal with him anymore. The stress that he gives me sometimes has shown itself in physical symptoms, so this is really a matter of personal well-being.

On the other hand, I've known him for as long as I can remember and I'd hate to lose an old friend. Unfortunately, he's not likely to learn. All of my efforts to explain how I feel have failed, some of which have ended in him trying to tell me that he knows me better than I know myself.

I was supposed to meet up with him on Sunday, but instead, I avoided him. I didn't want to face him because we'd just argue again. I will probably have to face him eventually, and he may want to talk about the situation, but he will no doubt try to blame it on me.

Whether or not I'm right to be upset with him or if I was right to argue in the first place, I don't know if I should stop associating with him. All present signs point to yes. This is making me restless.

[Cannsixd]

Hey fellas, I have two issues plaguing me at the moment.

First, and most important one, is this:
A lot of my friends and acquaintances describe me as being 'weird' or 'eccentric'. Now obviously, I'm all for everyone, including myself, having unique and different personalities, but I do want to be relatively 'normal'. I think that at one point I probably was quite normal, but then I decided to start YouTube vlogging (a decision which I partly regret).

I don't do it anymore, but hanging around with the socially awkward YouTube 'crowd' (essentially think of emo kids, and girls with pink and blue hair) meant that I probably developed weird habits and traits. I did try and stray away from the really weird crowd there, like a guy who looked like Jesus but dressed up like Batman, but it probably didn't work that well.

What I was wondering was, what would you define as relatively 'normal'? I want to still be an individual, but not stand out from the crowd so much personality wise. I'm fine when it comes to clothes, typically I wear dark blue jeans and a t-shirt or shirt, depending on the weather.

The second piece of advice is concerning a girl:
So her and I started chatting online, and things kicked off - we got along, had similar interests, plus she is very sexual and flirty - which, although it kinda sounds shallow, is fucking brilliant.

Despite the fact that we had flirted, occasionally sexted, and talked lots, she told me that is technically 'with' someone. However, this person rarely initiates the conversation with her, and since she is relatively clingy (like me, hence why we get on), she almost always has to start the conversation with him. On top of this, he lives like 3 times as far away from her as I do. So, we scheduled a date, which happened yesterday, and it went as great as a date could go - we had coffee (twice), walked through the park, ate at an Italian restaurant, chose sexy underwear for her - you know, the usual.

Despite the date going incredibly well, she finds it too difficult to just message the other guy and dump him. And I don't know why, either. I have messaged some friends about it, and one of them said that it feels like as if she is playing with the both of us, and I need to have a deep and meaningful conversation with her, to see where the future lies with us.

I genuinely like her, and I've never met someone like her before in all my life. I know that someone is probably going to say 'just move on to someone else', but then I know that I had a chance to be with her, and I missed it.

(Sorry for long post btw)

UPDATE - she chose the other guy. I am sad and annoyed and angry and frustrated and I'm just a clingy piece of shit sigh I'm going to drink alcohol

[FlashMarsh]

yeah sorry about that post, i tend to make terrible flamey posts late at night

though it was nothing to do with looking 'cool' lol it was just me being a douche

[Zinayzen]

I wouldn't necessarily say that the answer is to move on, but recognize that you're cheating on her bf with her. At that point I'd argue it's more of a moral thing than anything else. So ask yourself if you're okay enabling her to cheat, realize that she could very well do the same thing to you, realize that she's probably got some issues if she won't break up with him but is okay with taking you out to help her buy "sexy underwear", etc.

I wouldn't personally be okay with it but that's just me.

(I've got a book that might help you figure some of this out or at least help you see things from a different perspective)

[editline]28th July 2014[/editline]

(The book is stardust)

[FlashMarsh]

[QUOTE=Cannsixd;45522707]Hey fellas, I have two issues plaguing me at the moment.

First, and most important one, is this:
A lot of my friends and acquaintances describe me as being 'weird' or 'eccentric'. Now obviously, I'm all for everyone, including myself, having unique and different personalities, but I do want to be relatively 'normal'. I think that at one point I probably was quite normal, but then I decided to start YouTube vlogging (a decision which I partly regret).

I don't do it anymore, but hanging around with the socially awkward YouTube 'crowd' (essentially think of emo kids, and girls with pink and blue hair) meant that I probably developed weird habits and traits. I did try and stray away from the really weird crowd there, like a guy who looked like Jesus but dressed up like Batman, but it probably didn't work that well.

What I was wondering was, what would you define as relatively 'normal'? I want to still be an individual, but not stand out from the crowd so much personality wise. I'm fine when it comes to clothes, typically I wear dark blue jeans and a t-shirt or shirt, depending on the weather.

The second piece of advice is concerning a girl:
So her and I started chatting online, and things kicked off - we got along, had similar interests, plus she is very sexual and flirty - which, although it kinda sounds shallow, is fucking brilliant.

Despite the fact that we had flirted, occasionally sexted, and talked lots, she told me that is technically 'with' someone. However, this person rarely initiates the conversation with her, and since she is relatively clingy (like me, hence why we get on), she almost always has to start the conversation with him. On top of this, he lives like 3 times as far away from her as I do. So, we scheduled a date, which happened yesterday, and it went as great as a date could go - we had coffee (twice), walked through the park, ate at an Italian restaurant, chose sexy underwear for her - you know, the usual.

Despite the date going incredibly well, she finds it too difficult to just message the other guy and dump him. And I don't know why, either. I have messaged some friends about it, and one of them said that it feels like as if she is playing with the both of us, and I need to have a deep and meaningful conversation with her, to see where the future lies with us.

I genuinely like her, and I've never met someone like her before in all my life. I know that someone is probably going to say 'just move on to someone else', but then I know that I had a chance to be with her, and I missed it.

(Sorry for long post btw)[/QUOTE]

if she'll cheat on her boyfriend she'll cheat on you

keep that in mind before proceeding

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Cannsixd;45522707]What I was wondering was, what would you define as relatively 'normal'? I want to still be an individual, but not stand out from the crowd so much personality wise. I'm fine when it comes to clothes, typically I wear dark blue jeans and a t-shirt or shirt, depending on the weather.[/QUOTE]

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

Teens tend to be pretty judgmental of others and usually form cliques in high school, but once you get to college/start working it stops being such a big deal. As long as you're socially well adjusted it doesn't really matter what your interests are.

[editline]28th July 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Foxtrot200;45522460]Okay, guys, this is keeping me up all night and I need help.[/QUOTE]

It's common for people to grow apart. It sounds like you wouldn't be friends with him at this point if you hadn't known him for so long, but keep in mind that he isn't the same person you met 18 years ago and isn't going to change back.

It sounds like after 18 years, you two might be seeing too much of each other. Maybe you need to distance yourselves from each other a bit. You don't need to stop being friends altogether but it might help your frustration if you aren't seeing him every week.

[Хум]

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;45517354]Just ask her, there's no way of knowing what she'll say, but if you want to go somewhere with her just ask her, nothing will happen if you don't say anything.[/QUOTE]

Thanks everyone, I just got one last question. Any ideas where I could invite her? ( just generally, not asking about specific places ) Stardust doesn't mention that much and I'm not exactly too creative.

[disseminate]

Coffee'a always a safe first date!

[Cannsixd]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45525220]How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

Teens tend to be pretty judgmental of others and usually form cliques in high school, but once you get to college/start working it stops being such a big deal. As long as you're socially well adjusted it doesn't really matter what your interests are.
[/QUOTE]

I'm 17. Don't get me wrong, I have loads of great friends at my sixth form college, but I am sick of being the 'weird' and 'eccentric' one of the group. I'd much rather have a more supporting role.

[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45524013]I wouldn't necessarily say that the answer is to move on, but recognize that you're cheating on her bf with her. At that point I'd argue it's more of a moral thing than anything else. So ask yourself if you're okay enabling her to cheat, realize that she could very well do the same thing to you, realize that she's probably got some issues if she won't break up with him but is okay with taking you out to help her buy "sexy underwear", etc.
[/QUOTE]

Well I'm an idiot anyway and she chose the other guy so I am no longer any issue to her :) she dropped the 'we can still be friends' line... Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Cannsixd;45528022]I'm 17. Don't get me wrong, I have loads of great friends at my sixth form college, but I am sick of being the 'weird' and 'eccentric' one of the group. I'd much rather have a more supporting role.[/QUOTE]

The qualities I got made fun of for in high school are the ones that my closest friends find the most attractive in me now. On another note, I did try to change quite a bit, and realized there are some things I can't help whether or not society is encouraging me to continue with those behaviors. I'm always going to like certain things even if every person I'm friends with tells me they're weird and boring hobbies.

Getting better at something, like improving your social skills, is fine, but don't change who you are just to fit in with other people. Eventually you'll meet people who are more similar to you and won't judge you for shitty reasons.

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=Cannsixd;45522707]Hey fellas, I have two issues plaguing me at the moment.

First, and most important one, is this:
A lot of my friends and acquaintances describe me as being 'weird' or 'eccentric'. Now obviously, I'm all for everyone, including myself, having unique and different personalities, but I do want to be relatively 'normal'. I think that at one point I probably was quite normal, but then I decided to start YouTube vlogging (a decision which I partly regret).

I don't do it anymore, but hanging around with the socially awkward YouTube 'crowd' (essentially think of emo kids, and girls with pink and blue hair) meant that I probably developed weird habits and traits. I did try and stray away from the really weird crowd there, like a guy who looked like Jesus but dressed up like Batman, but it probably didn't work that well.

What I was wondering was, what would you define as relatively 'normal'? I want to still be an individual, but not stand out from the crowd so much personality wise. I'm fine when it comes to clothes, typically I wear dark blue jeans and a t-shirt or shirt, depending on the weather.

The second piece of advice is concerning a girl:
So her and I started chatting online, and things kicked off - we got along, had similar interests, plus she is very sexual and flirty - which, although it kinda sounds shallow, is fucking brilliant.

Despite the fact that we had flirted, occasionally sexted, and talked lots, she told me that is technically 'with' someone. However, this person rarely initiates the conversation with her, and since she is relatively clingy (like me, hence why we get on), she almost always has to start the conversation with him. On top of this, he lives like 3 times as far away from her as I do. So, we scheduled a date, which happened yesterday, and it went as great as a date could go - we had coffee (twice), walked through the park, ate at an Italian restaurant, chose sexy underwear for her - you know, the usual.

Despite the date going incredibly well, she finds it too difficult to just message the other guy and dump him. And I don't know why, either. I have messaged some friends about it, and one of them said that it feels like as if she is playing with the both of us, and I need to have a deep and meaningful conversation with her, to see where the future lies with us.

I genuinely like her, and I've never met someone like her before in all my life. I know that someone is probably going to say 'just move on to someone else', but then I know that I had a chance to be with her, and I missed it.

(Sorry for long post btw)

UPDATE - she chose the other guy. I am sad and annoyed and angry and frustrated and I'm just a clingy piece of shit sigh I'm going to drink alcohol[/QUOTE]
Ok man, first things first.

About becoming more "normal".

I'm assuming you mean, being more social with everybody and not just the types of people you've been used to deal with so far.
Well, that comes over time.
I've been a long time with the Metalhead croud (to which I still enjoy and have friends with) but sometimes it's also cool to have friends outside our "zone".
It's not hard, you can distinguish yourself on your own, that's something that works out on itself so don't worry about it.

I'd say speak to everyone and treat everyone nicely. Never see people outside your comfort groups with prejudice and you'll be alright.

On the girl subject.

Don't get too attached. Seriously.
She's not relationship material and never will be. Period.

She's cheating on a guy because she wants to have a little fun with you. She wants to breakup with him but for some reason she doesn't have the decency to do so.

I understand that you like her, I mean she opens up with you and all, boosts your confidence and makes you feel good, and it sure is nice to be under the illusion that you have her undivided attention but she's a succubus. (I know, it's funny).

If you really want to have some fun with her, do it. Go places, flirt, have sex if you feel like it. But keep your feet on the ground and don't put your heart into that "relationship". Be prepared to safely walk away and never lose control over your feelings and infatuation.
She's not the best person in your life for sure. She's just the most "interesting" person you met [U]so far. [/U]
Remember, she doesn't love you, she never will.

Have fun.

[rsk_]

I'm so done.

That's the second girl now that's just completely ignored me when I've tried to start a conversation or even message them, it's not even worth trying to convince myself there could be other reasons behind it now.

Perhaps it's just me that's the problem.

[haloguy234]

[QUOTE=Dorkslayz;45529212]I'm so done.

That's the second girl now that's just completely ignored me when I've tried to start a conversation or even message them, it's not even worth trying to convince myself there could be other reasons behind it now.

Perhaps it's just me that's the problem.[/QUOTE]

Sometimes they're just busy or they just aren't interested in talking at that very moment. I'm no stranger to outright missing texts. Half the time I just clear my notifications on my phone because I'm busy so the light stops flashing, and then forget I ever got any messages.

If it's been DAYS since you tried to initiate a conversation with them, then yeah that's a little strange. Chances are they just aren't interested in chatting with you. Doesn't mean you have a problem.

[rsk_]

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45529259]Sometimes they're just busy or they just aren't interested in talking at that very moment. I'm no stranger to outright missing texts. Half the time I just clear my notifications on my phone because I'm busy so the light stops flashing, and then forget I ever got any messages.

If it's been DAYS since you tried to initiate a conversation with them, then yeah that's a little strange. Chances are they just aren't interested in chatting with you. Doesn't mean you have a problem.[/QUOTE]

I sent two messages over a period of 3 days, one was a general conversation starter and the other was a question. Both showed as seen no more than 2 hours after I sent each message. Can't get any more obvious than that really :/

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Dorkslayz;45529292]I sent two messages over a period of 3 days, one was a general conversation starter and the other was a question. Both showed as seen no more than 2 hours after I sent each message. Can't get any more obvious than that really :/[/QUOTE]

Do they actually have a reason to talk to you? There's a ton of people on facebook and so on I would most likely not bother answering unless I was bored out of my mind, not all of them are lame or ugly, it's just that I don't really have any reason to start up a conversation with them.

[editline]29th July 2014[/editline]

I'm not saying you're a person people don't want to talk to, it's just that some people aren't really in the mood to be talked to people except their close friends.

[GURREN LAGANN]

I haven't posted for a while, because I've been feeling way too terrible to even go back into this thread as it reminds me.

I know this is going to sound dumb, but I still miss her alot and I find myself sending her a text/email now and then asking her to rethink her decision and saying that I miss her. I don't know if I'm going to progress like this

Fuck me.

[editline]28th July 2014[/editline]

I do feel a bit better then before though.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45530678]I haven't posted for a while, because I've been feeling way too terrible to even go back into this thread as it reminds me.

I know this is going to sound dumb, but I still miss her alot and I find myself sending her a text/email now and then asking her to rethink her decision and saying that I miss her. I don't know if I'm going to progress like this

Fuck me.

[editline]28th July 2014[/editline]

I do feel a bit better then before though.[/QUOTE]

Even if she got back with you because of your texts and emails, it would be out of pity and it wouldn't last.

It's going to be hard to get through but the worst part is over for you. Getting back together and breaking up again later would put you through more pain in the long run.

[Crpto2007]

[QUOTE=Dorkslayz;45529292]I sent two messages over a period of 3 days, one was a general conversation starter and the other was a question. Both showed as seen no more than 2 hours after I sent each message. Can't get any more obvious than that really :/[/QUOTE]

Same thing happened with me. Don't even bother anymore

[RocketRacer]

So the girl that added me...we talk quite a lot through FB everyday, and sometimes even at night(max was at 1 am) and today I got a message from her saying 'good morning!'. That feels so great that there is someone who apparently actually cares and wants to keep contact instead of ignoring the massage completely.

[Zinayzen]

I finally had to explain to my mom what tumblr was because my dumbass cousin keeps posting stupid shit on Facebook. That wasn't fun. >:(

[rsk_]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45529904]Do they actually have a reason to talk to you? There's a ton of people on facebook and so on I would most likely not bother answering unless I was bored out of my mind, not all of them are lame or ugly, it's just that I don't really have any reason to start up a conversation with them.

[editline]29th July 2014[/editline]

I'm not saying you're a person people don't want to talk to, it's just that some people aren't really in the mood to be talked to people except their close friends.[/QUOTE]

I'm not too sure to be honest, I guess so. The question wasn't a random one either, I asked whether she wanted me and a few friends to stop by hers on the way to a party so she could walk with us.

In my opinion, ignoring somebody even if you don't want to really talk to them is pretty rude.

[haloguy234]

Okay guys, last night she asked me if I've ever seen the notebook and I said no. Then she said "I'm gonna notebook you."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

[Heigou]

Everyone dies in the notebook.

[Zinayzen]

[url]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=notebook[/url]

#5

I think she's gonna fuck you

[Zar]

hmm i found out i was completely wrong about this girl. turns out shes nothing like i thought, and i kinda actually strongly dislike her now. i dont even want anything to do with her.

[editline]29th July 2014[/editline]

too bad i have ties to her because of my friends

[blacksam]

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45533651]Okay guys, last night she asked me if I've ever seen the notebook and I said no. Then she said "I'm gonna notebook you."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN[/QUOTE]

First girlfriend made me watch it. She cried the entire time.

Then she gave me the remote and we watched Rush Hour 2. I wanted to cry because I knew 3 would never live up to it.

But it's like that quote from the Notebook,"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love." So I moved on.

And then we got our freak on later.

[meppers]

I think a good looking 17 year old girl is interested in me, but I just turned 23. Is that too big of an age gap?

The age of consent in Texas is 17

[Zinayzen]

Probably too big of a gap to form a stable relationship , but other than that? Rock on. That opportunity won't present itself often .