Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45547944]MRA / REDPILL pls go.
This is the biggest pile of bullshit I've seen here in a while.[/QUOTE]
I'm no MRA or red-pill maniac. The choice of words was intentionally OTT and I admit I misjudged Meller's situation, but bits of advice here and there from a select few sources have paid dividends. What I said has worked great for me in several instances, it's there to be taken or left.
If you're gonna dismiss it and get on just fine, it's all good in my book, but there's no point doing so simply because of the negative connotations associated with that line of thinking. I shall invoke Godwin's law in saying that just because the Autobahns were built by the Nazis doesn't mean they weren't a good thing.
[editline]31st July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Medevila;45549139]
I've kind of moved out of my small town on to uni and I feel like I should care less about what she does to my reputation back home, but at the same time I'm really upset about this and don't want to confront her because I feel like that'd just be stooping down to her level.
Advice?[/QUOTE]
What she says is out of your control, you've got the right idea.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45530998]Even if she got back with you because of your texts and emails, it would be out of pity and it wouldn't last.
It's going to be hard to get through but the worst part is over for you. Getting back together and breaking up again later would put you through more pain in the long run.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I guess. I just really miss her so much. It's like I go out to the mall and every person that walks by reminds me of her. Fuck this
She probably somehow blocked me on both anyways. I was just sending a bunch to see if by any chance she would change her mind and happen to read one and know that I'm always here for her.
Seriously? We talked about this man. Every time you send her a message you give her another reason to stay away. Someone who clearly gets so obsessed with her wouldn't be good for her at all.
You dumped her, you should admit that fuckup and let it be, we don't get to fix everything we screw up, but the only way to move on is to stop giving it so much attention.
[editline]31st July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;45550544]I'm no MRA or red-pill maniac. The choice of words was intentionally OTT and I admit I misjudged Meller's situation, but bits of advice here and there from a select few sources have paid dividends. What I said has worked great for me in several instances, it's there to be taken or left.
If you're gonna dismiss it and get on just fine, it's all good in my book, but there's no point doing so simply because of the negative connotations associated with that line of thinking. I shall invoke Godwin's law in saying that just because the Autobahns were built by the Nazis doesn't mean they weren't a good thing.
[/QUOTE]
But this isn't the autobahns. This is taking the idea that all jews should be killed, and toning it down to "Jews are fucking stupid". Instead of trying work with his relationship, you suggest taking the stance of "women are fucking stupid, she is cheating, dump her".
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45549961]
Are you still hitting up girls on facebook? You can't expect anyone to answer unless they really are your close friend, they don't have some sort of obligation to talk to you if they aren't interested.[/QUOTE]
Kinda, it just sucks how you make an effort and try to get to know somebody and they don't even bother to put even the slightest bit of effort and just ignore you.
Yeah so stop trying to get to know them on facebook
[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;45550544]I'm no MRA or red-pill maniac. The choice of words was intentionally OTT and I admit I misjudged Meller's situation, but bits of advice here and there from a select few sources have paid dividends. What I said has worked great for me in several instances, it's there to be taken or left.
If you're gonna dismiss it and get on just fine, it's all good in my book, but there's no point doing so simply because of the negative connotations associated with that line of thinking. I shall invoke Godwin's law in saying that just because the Autobahns were built by the Nazis doesn't mean they weren't a good thing.
[editline]31st July 2014[/editline]
What she says is out of your control, you've got the right idea.[/QUOTE]
what's wrong with you
when the fuck has believing every woman is a complete slut cheating on you at the slightest disagreement helped you
if they aint fuckin me it's cause they're whores, obviously
It's just huge insecurity, that's all it is
i havent had a relationship yet, but i can only imagine im gonna be insecure. a lot.
[QUOTE=Dorkslayz;45552206]Kinda, it just sucks how you make an effort and try to get to know somebody and they don't even bother to put even the slightest bit of effort and just ignore you.[/QUOTE]
Uh yeah, that is really something you can't expect from people. Especially if you're trying to get to know them on facebook. People use dating sites for that, so stop using facebook as a dating site, it can really get on people's nerves.
It's like always expecting someone to put some effort into "making it work" when they are dating. If they aren't interrested in you, they don't need to pay you any attention at all.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45554915]Uh yeah, that is really something you can't expect from people. Especially if you're trying to get to know them on facebook. People use dating sites for that, so stop using facebook as a dating site, it can really get on people's nerves.
It's like always expecting someone to put some effort into "making it work" when they are dating. If they aren't interrested in you, they don't need to pay you any attention at all.[/QUOTE]
People have no obligation to have a conversation, but I think not replying at all is rude.
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45555070]People have no obligation to have a conversation, but I think not replying at all is rude.[/QUOTE]
Is it really, though? Considering how bad a lot of people handle rejection, it's easier to hope they take a hint instead of spending time telling someone they aren't interested. I know it's not fun, but if you can't handle certain people not talking to you, how would you handle it if those people straight up told you they weren't interested in talking to you?
[QUOTE=Dorkslayz;45552206]Kinda, it just sucks how you make an effort and try to get to know somebody and they don't even bother to put even the slightest bit of effort and just ignore you.[/QUOTE]
I actually took a girls profile name from a dating site and found her on instagram and kik and randomly sparked a conversation and she eventually sent me nudes.
She was p crazy so I got out of it but hey it does work sometimes.
tbh if the person messaging me is a stranger i look at their profile pictures to see if i want to talk to them first and if i'm not attracted to them in any way i kind of just ignore them >.>
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;45555631]tbh if the person messaging me is a stranger i look at their profile pictures to see if i want to talk to them first and if i'm not attracted to them in any way i kind of just ignore them >.>[/QUOTE]
everyone does this, and thats just how it is
[QUOTE=blacksam;45546461]I had the same problem, intimacy with my ex just wasn't there with her. "Oh hey we're together let's take pictures of us" is one of my pet peeves. I have come to realize that a majority of facebook relationships like to have some veneer to them. I love having pictures together, but it should be for us not for the ex's or the kids from high school you're trying to impress that you're dating someone else.
I don't know if I ever caught it, but how did she break up with you? You've mentioned it twice now.[/QUOTE]
Well when we started she had told me she just got out of another meaningful relationship and that things were still fresh.
Stupid as I am I decided to give it a try, she said yes.
We went to a festival together, we were super cool, she was giving me lots of attention so I started giving in a little bit.
Anyway, while I was there I started noticing that as I tried to hug her or put my arm around her she would feel uncomfortable, so I just backed off.
I was thinking about talking to her to know if she really liked me and all, specially after I tried to cuddle at the tent and she completely tells me to STOP (which was awkward as shit). Next day things were awkward and silent until she comes talk to me apologizing for the way she made me back off.
She then changed her attitude completely, like she was super happy to be with me, started telling everyone I was her boyfriend and was making us look like this super cute couple. I was ok with this so yeah why the fuck not get along with it.
Long story short we were together having some sandwiches for dinner, things looked cute. I go see a band and when I get back I sit by her and she drops the bomb and breaks up with me right there.
And yeah, you can imagine how devastating it was and how humiliating it was for me the next day when I was with my friends and they started asking about my gf who had left quite a great impression on them.
That's basically how it went down.
I mean, I haven't had the most luck with girls to be honest and my breakups are usually disastrous so I'm used to having things happening this way. But still...
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;45556172]Anyway, while I was there I started noticing that as I tried to hug her or put my arm around her she would feel uncomfortable, so I just backed off.
I was thinking about talking to her to know if she really liked me and all, specially after I tried to cuddle at the tent and she completely tells me to STOP (which was awkward as shit). Next day things were awkward and silent until she comes talk to me apologizing for the way she made me back off.[/QUOTE]
Not everyone is fond of public displays of affection. If she kept telling you to back off you should have taken the hint instead of forcing her to flat out yell at you to get her message across.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;45556172]Well when we started she had told me she just got out of another meaningful relationship and that things were still fresh.
Stupid as I am I decided to give it a try, she said yes. [/QUOTE]
Things were still fresh? I'm not sure if that's supposed to sound good or bad, but it's [I]commonly[/I] a really bad idea to get together with someone who just ended a relationship. Not because they are a slut/manwhore, or something stupid like that, but because it takes some time to get over people, and a lot of feelings from the previous relationship will still be on their mind.
[QUOTE]
I was thinking about talking to her to know if she really liked me and all, specially after I tried to cuddle at the tent and she completely tells me to STOP (which was awkward as shit). Next day things were awkward and silent until she comes talk to me apologizing for the way she made me back off. [/QUOTE]
The "confrontation". Again, a really bad idea. Instead, try asking if there's something you can do to make her more comfortable or anything like that. Remember, it's always better to ask what can be better, instead of asking DO YOU EVEN LIKE ME, because it's a really bad idea to bring that up if you're in a bit of a pickle.
[QUOTE]
She then changed her attitude completely, like she was super happy to be with me, started telling everyone I was her boyfriend and was making us look like this super cute couple. I was ok with this so yeah why the fuck not get along with it.[/QUOTE]
This is where it really looks like she needed someone to just be the boyfriend, as some people have this weird race against their ex to be the first one to get into a relationship.
By the way, it's so incredibly awkward when someone tries to "force" intimacy. My girl friends have all dated some guy that did it, they would be looking for an excuse to be intimate, and you could clearly see the girl felt it was embarrasing, because it was way too early in the relationship for stuff like that, so next time, when you back off, keep in mind that you were asked to back off, don't just try the same thing or worse a couple of hours later.
Alright, so, I'm just going to drop this here not in the hopes that I can get advice, because I don't know if any can be given to me. But I'm kind of banking on the hopes that I get some kind of catharsis from this, because it is killing me. I don't know how long it's going to be so, bear with me if you care to read.
I have abandonment issues. Like, really bad. I'm 19 and I've had 3 real relationships that were going somewhere in the last 2 years of my life. I was mostly concerned with school up until that point so I didn't make an effort to try to attract the attention of any ladies. My first real relationship and the source of my underlying problems so far was with a pregnant girl that my friend introduced me to. I know it was a bad call, but at first I just wanted to help her get through the fact that her boyfriend left her 5 months in. We ended up close, a lot closer than I had ever thought we would be. Unfortunately her baby daddy came back and she dropped me. Wouldn't return a call or a text or anything, I was fine that her boyfriend was back or whatever, but just being ignored, like I didn't exist. That was tough, mind shreddingly so. It took me about a 3 month period of feeling sorry for myself and hating her and him to even really start hanging out with my actual friends anymore. Eventually I was in a period of my life where I was confident, I had my sights on a woman, 2 years my senior, and I was convinced I was going to make her mine. She was in school upstate from me and I started by getting to know her on facebook, since the distance was too far for me to do much else. Eventually though it was her summer break time from college and I finally set up plans to date her. I took her to the movies and although I was at the most confident point in my life to the point, it took me 2 weeks to work up the nerve to kiss her. It kind of snowballed after that. At some point in the ordeal I fell in love with her, and I knew she loved somebody else as well, but I had her to myself for the moment and I was happy. Then it all changed when that other somebody ended up moving her several states away, and again, I was eventually ignored all together. Bouncing back from that one was very tough for me. I spent the better part of a 6 month period emotionally manipulating women around me. I was hurt and cold and I didn't care who i ended up hurting.
Then I started talking to a woman online that was 4 years my senior. It was a simple online friendship for awhile, we talked over email every day and then we began to text and call each other on the phone. I didn't expect it to go anywhere, she had a boyfriend and I wasn't really looking for anything else. Then it took a turn for the unexpected when I was in an abusive relationship and this woman with a boyfriend told me that she was in love with me. And in time I fell in love with her too. She wasn't too far away, only about half a day's drive and my brain had given controls over to my heart. Then real life got in the way of things. Both of us found employment, she no longer had a cell phone, we had conflicting work hours. We weren't able to talk as much, but we found some time to keep it together. Then a close family member of hers passed away, and for 2 weeks it was radio silence. I hadn't heard from her, there was no trace on any social media sites. Those 2 weeks made it feel as though my heart was being rent from my chest. She is seeing a doctor tomorrow to determine if she will be admitted to a mental ward or not. And I guess I'm just afraid that tomorrow will be the last thing I ever hear of her. That she'll forget her feelings for me. That I'll go back to being that terrible person I was before I met her.
That's it. I put it out there and I still don't feel any better.
-snip-
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45556362]Not everyone is fond of public displays of affection. If she kept telling you to back off you should have taken the hint instead of forcing her to flat out yell at you to get her message across.[/QUOTE]
That's exactly what I did. I would just back off and then she would just pull me in again. And it happened just like this over and over. I just need people to understand that my last text her was just a short short summary of the whole situation so I might have skipped a few important details.
I didn't force anything. I'm serious about this. I asked her about twice during the relationship if she really really wanted this, not directly but in a way where I asked if she wanted to talk, or if I could do anything to make this better, and reassured her that I didn't want to do anything she didn't want. She said yes even though she wanted to go slow. I was respectful enough to back off when I should. Seriously, I know my place.
If I should or shouldn't have backed off for real from the relationship when she told me things were still fresh with the other guy that's another conversation. And looking back, yeah I should have been the one to tell her straight that if things were still fresh between her and the other guy then I would just back off and be on my way. I wasn't strong enough to do that, unfortunately. In my intimacy I didn't want to lose her so early after years of having a crush on her.
But I didn't, yeah, I was naive and hopeful and I now regret it. I like to give chances to things and other people but that doesn't work out in these kinds of situations.
I know this as a mistake and when we broke up I was very understanding of her situation as I told before.
She didn't give me hints that I should end this thing, instead she kept on adding fuel to the fire, and the fact that she started presenting us as boyfriend and girlfriend to all my friends was just wrong. If she didn't want to go serious and wanted to go slow, then why do that? (and she admitted this and apologized) I mean she did it because she wanted to make sure she could see herself in a relationship with me at the time, but still it was a really cold move.
I'm not resentful, I'm moving on, but still looking back at things with all the feeling out of the way I kind of see how naive I was once more. I'm not putting the blame on her, I think there's no one to blame or to be resentful of. It's been a month now and I am aware of what went wrong.
I'm just worried that I might have lost her for good or that she just won't talk to me ever again because we used to have a good friendship for years.
So my girlfriend's current apartment complex is weird, and it's shittily managed. They're sort-of-college-dorms, except not managed by the university or affiliated with the university in any way, and it's rented space from the hotel they share the building with. So she decides she wants out.
Which works well, since life at home is rough since the parents are arguing more and more, my dad is descending into a drunk again, and, well, it's just not a healthy living environment. So we're set on moving out together in January, and it's so exciting.
Best of luck finding a new apartment, hope it's a really nice one. I got fucked over big-time by the estate agents when I moved out for the first time. They straight-up lied to me, didn't warn me of previous tenant complaints (which they hadn't fixed) and refused to fix it once I'd moved in.
Basically to void the 6 month contract I signed, I had to call the city council in. Being told by the estate agents that I was exaggerating the issues, it really felt good to have the council file a notice against my landlady. Funnily enough, the estate agent completely changed their tune. Assholes. I lost a bunch of money (the holding fee and first month's rent, which I didn't get refunded). Awful place. So yeah, best of luck to you, I hope you don't end up being fucked over.
Moving out is an awesome experience, if it all goes smoothly.
Is it me or does nobody even try to follow through on trying to make plans. I've been trying to hang out with some of my friends and approached by another friend to start a band for the past two months and nobody will decide on a fucking date to hang out god damn
[QUOTE=RoastedSagets;45581696]Is it me or does nobody even try to follow through on trying to make plans. I've been trying to hang out with some of my friends and approached by another friend to start a band for the past two months and nobody will decide on a fucking date to hang out god damn[/QUOTE]
Organise the shit out of them. One of my friendship circles is prone to doing nothing unless you heard them up and give them a step by step plan.
[QUOTE=RoastedSagets;45581696]Is it me or does nobody even try to follow through on trying to make plans. I've been trying to hang out with some of my friends and approached by another friend to start a band for the past two months and nobody will decide on a fucking date to hang out god damn[/QUOTE]
Say you're all gonna go do something some day. When that day comes, tell all of those involved "we're doing that thing now" and go do it.
I never trust my friends with plans. They always end up changing an hour before the get together happens and people are flaky as fuck.
Are there going to be any precautions that I should take about language I use, things to do, etc, with a Mormon? I am not too familiar with the religion, and this girl that I work with from what it looks like is in to me. I want to ask her out and get to know her to see if I would have further interest. She is definitely (in my opinion) a cute person, I just haven't really gotten the time to get to know her being in different departments.
What I like to do when getting to know someone is to watch my behavior until I've gathered enough data on how this person behaves. Do not curse until you hear them curse, see what they're like, etc. After a half hour of talking with this person you can get a good idea on what they're like.
I've known mormons to be totally stick up the asses and comeplete batshit crazy. I'd go in with some precaution.
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