Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=redBadger;45585180]What I like to do when getting to know someone is to watch my behavior until I've gathered enough data on how this person behaves. Do not curse until you hear them curse, see what they're like, etc. After a half hour of talking with this person you can get a good idea on what they're like.

I've known mormons to be totally stick up the asses and comeplete batshit crazy. I'd go in with some precaution.[/QUOTE]

I'm the exact opposite. I don't bother checking if they'll enjoy my company on a date or not; if they think I'm rude or they don't get my sense of humor I just don't ask them out again. Not sure if it's a problem or not but it's worked for me so far in finding relationships. I just think that the more honest you are at the start, the less hassle it is in the end to slowly reveal yourself.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Disseminate;45585681]I'm the exact opposite. I don't bother checking if they'll enjoy my company on a date or not; if they think I'm rude or they don't get my sense of humor I just don't ask them out again. Not sure if it's a problem or not but it's worked for me so far in finding relationships. I just think that the more honest you are at the start, the less hassle it is in the end to slowly reveal yourself.[/QUOTE]

To each their own, but some people are worth being more considerate to. If you're trying to meet someone who puts their best foot forward in social situations, you should probably be doing the same.

To Backsapper - if you're concerned, you might want to do a bit of research on their religion and see what it entails - or you could ask her about it. She'll probably appreciate you showing interest in her views and wanting to be respectful to her beliefs, even if you don't share them.

[Genericenemy]

So I've had a bit of a breakdown in front of my parents, my brother was doing this irritating routine he does to me day in day out and I just snapped, grabbed him and threatened him. By this point my parents just shouted at me and I let him go with nothing done to him. It was at this point that I just broke down near crying in front of my parents going on about how they do absolutely nothing about it and how I receive it not just from him but all of my brothers, again day in day out. The whole "joke" defence broke out but they know it annoys me and they know I have difficulty in understanding social interactions so its blown out of the water in my book.
Also said in the heat of the moment about that I have difficulty truly relaxing in my own home and that when I went round my best friends house how much better it was to be there and just be calm, her response was simply "That Peculiar girl who lives with no brothers or sisters, only her parents and a dog right?". Didn't help things certainly.
I feel really limited on options, can't move out because I don't have any money or earn anything. Is there any advice that could make me cope better?

[OscarLimaEcho]

I think you'll have to explain a bit more. How old are you two, what is he doing to you, etc? It's pretty common for brothers to annoy the shit out of eachother, and if you're giving him reactions like that it's pretty obvious they are going to do it again.

[Genericenemy]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45588722]I think you'll have to explain a bit more. How old are you two, what is he doing to you, etc? It's pretty common for brothers to annoy the shit out of eachother, and if you're giving him reactions like that it's pretty obvious they are going to do it again.[/QUOTE]

He's 16 and I'm 20. Basically he does this routine where he says "stick them up" puts his fists up to his chest and refuses to let me by. He makes a jab at one of my arms if I force my way by or sometimes just does it randomly.

[OscarLimaEcho]

So why the fuck don't you actually play with your brother instead of threatening him? If he really got so annoying you could just punch him in the chest.
If this really is all there is to it then what the hell, you can't seriously get mad at someone for play fighting with you, especially not your younger brother.

[Genericenemy]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45590292]So why the fuck don't you actually play with your brother instead of threatening him? If he really got so annoying you could just punch him in the chest.
If this really is all there is to it then what the hell, you can't seriously get mad at someone for play fighting with you, especially not your younger brother.[/QUOTE]

Because often I've got other things to do or was already in the middle of something.

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;45590478]Because often I've got other things to do or was already in the middle of something.[/QUOTE]

So what were you doing that was so important when he interrupted you? Your reaction was way out of proportions. You say cried about how they didn't do anything about it.. You're four years older than him, you could just push your brother away.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45590569]So what were you doing that was so important when he interrupted you? Your reaction was way out of proportions. You say cried about how they didn't do anything about it.. You're four years older than him, you could just push your brother away.[/QUOTE]

four years isn't that much of a size difference tbh

i'm the same height and size as i was when i was 16

[editline]4th August 2014[/editline]

but really you should just play with your brother

i actually enjoy spending time with my younger brother, i don't see him often enough to not with work and school and whatnot

[editline]4th August 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;45588552]So I've had a bit of a breakdown in front of my parents, my brother was doing this irritating routine he does to me day in day out and I just snapped, grabbed him and threatened him. By this point my parents just shouted at me and I let him go with nothing done to him. It was at this point that I just broke down near crying in front of my parents going on about how they do absolutely nothing about it and how I receive it not just from him but all of my brothers, again day in day out. The whole "joke" defence broke out but they know it annoys me and they know I have difficulty in understanding social interactions so its blown out of the water in my book.
Also said in the heat of the moment about that I have difficulty truly relaxing in my own home and that when I went round my best friends house how much better it was to be there and just be calm, her response was simply "That Peculiar girl who lives with no brothers or sisters, only her parents and a dog right?". Didn't help things certainly.
I feel really limited on options, can't move out because I don't have any money or earn anything. Is there any advice that could make me cope better?[/QUOTE]

are you like

squidward or something

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;45590584]four years isn't that much of a size difference tbh

i'm the same height and size as i was when i was 16

[editline]4th August 2014[/editline]

but really you should just play with your brother

i actually enjoy spending time with my younger brother, i don't see him often enough to not with work and school and whatnot[/QUOTE]

My two younger brothers and little sister are all just as tall as me, 180-190cm, but between a 16 year old and a 20 year old there should be a lot more muscle.

I pay a lot more attention to them now as I don't live with my family anymore, and siblings really are some of the most important people in your life.

---

To be quite frank, Genericenemy, it doesn't sound like you were doing anything important, and specially not something so important you get to threaten your brother for interrupting you.

Now, look, I'm saying this for your own good, but here's some backstory first.
As a kid, I was a shitlord. I would get pissed at people for things I had no right to be pissed over, would rage at my brothers if they annoyed me when I was doing "important" things.
So after a lot of bullshit because of this, I went to a teenage psychiatrist, and after some tests I was basically told "You're fucking autistic mate", and because you can't medicate weird, I was just given more leniency.
Leniency sounds good, right? People backing off when they piss you off, "understanding" that that little thing they did is a huge deal to you because reasons, and so on.
It's not. Because you'll keep acting like this if you never stop for a few seconds to think about what you're about to do. And it's probably easy for you to shift the blame onto your brother, but as an adult you are expected to handle things like that, even if they were intentionally bad.
I kept acting like that because I never saw it in third person, but then I was at aspergers camp(yes it was as autistic as one would come to expect), and then I really saw it.

The kids there, they would screech and shout at their brothers if they disturbed them, because they saw "their thing" as the center of their life and universe, and expected that everyone understood how goddamn serius that was.
They wouldn't take social hints or friendly teasing, they would either just completely space out, or freak out and take it as a personal insult.
Some of them got violent over things other people wouldn't even raise an eyebrow over.

And I recognized so much of that, and I knew from then on that no matter how hard it would be, I should never sit down and consider that as appropriate, expecting the world to turn around me and adjust to me being a fucking pc gaming turbosperg that freaked out when I didn't understand stuff.

I'm not trying to tell you "you're fucking autistic mate", but I want you to consider that what you did is the way most teenagers with aspergers would react if they were interrupted or kept from doing "their thing".

[editline]4th August 2014[/editline]

Oh and by the way I am no longer diagnosed with aspergers, what worked best for me was to have my closest friend to tell me whenever I was sperging or weirding her out.

[Meller Yeller]

Ever since I went halfway across the country on a three month internship, it's like every guy my gf used to know (not necessarily exes even) has come out of the woodwork confessing their love for her or just trying to get in her pants. Including her ex-fiancee.

Doesn't bother me too much since I have complete trust in her, but it's just funny how it happens. And to think I thought I was paranoid for being concerned about that happening before I left.

[Genericenemy]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45590865]My two younger brothers and little sister are all just as tall as me, 180-190cm, but between a 16 year old and a 20 year old there should be a lot more muscle.

I pay a lot more attention to them now as I don't live with my family anymore, and siblings really are some of the most important people in your life.

---

To be quite frank, Genericenemy, it doesn't sound like you were doing anything important, and specially not something so important you get to threaten your brother for interrupting you.

Now, look, I'm saying this for your own good, but here's some backstory first.
As a kid, I was a shitlord. I would get pissed at people for things I had no right to be pissed over, would rage at my brothers if they annoyed me when I was doing "important" things.
So after a lot of bullshit because of this, I went to a teenage psychiatrist, and after some tests I was basically told "You're fucking autistic mate", and because you can't medicate weird, I was just given more leniency.
Leniency sounds good, right? People backing off when they piss you off, "understanding" that that little thing they did is a huge deal to you because reasons, and so on.
It's not. Because you'll keep acting like this if you never stop for a few seconds to think about what you're about to do. And it's probably easy for you to shift the blame onto your brother, but as an adult you are expected to handle things like that, even if they were intentionally bad.
I kept acting like that because I never saw it in third person, but then I was at aspergers camp(yes it was as autistic as one would come to expect), and then I really saw it.

The kids there, they would screech and shout at their brothers if they disturbed them, because they saw "their thing" as the center of their life and universe, and expected that everyone understood how goddamn serius that was.
They wouldn't take social hints or friendly teasing, they would either just completely space out, or freak out and take it as a personal insult.
Some of them got violent over things other people wouldn't even raise an eyebrow over.

And I recognized so much of that, and I knew from then on that no matter how hard it would be, I should never sit down and consider that as appropriate, expecting the world to turn around me and adjust to me being a fucking pc gaming turbosperg that freaked out when I didn't understand stuff.

I'm not trying to tell you "you're fucking autistic mate", but I want you to consider that what you did is the way most teenagers with aspergers would react if they were interrupted or kept from doing "their thing".

[editline]4th August 2014[/editline]

Oh and by the way I am no longer diagnosed with aspergers, what worked best for me was to have my closest friend to tell me whenever I was sperging or weirding her out.[/QUOTE]

I do have Autism and I suppose I do have trouble with aggression. But the problem is that they just can't stop doing it let alone try to help me, I've realised over the years that once people start abusing that flaw in you as a person they will keep coming back to it and using it. This is what my siblings are doing to me and I can't do jackshit about it.

[Loopoo]

I've got the opposite. I'm 21, my younger sister is 19, and my oldest one is 26. I always try and joke around with them and make them laugh, but the younger one tries desperately hard to be "mature", I think she's going through a phase where she refuses to kid around because she wants so badly to be grown up? And my older sister doesn't get my humour, my jokes usually fly over her head, so she ends up getting offended because I make her feel like the butt of a joke (I don't make her the butt of the joke). So yeah, it kinda sucks when I'm trying to make my sisters laugh and kid around with them, only to have one turn around and tell me to "grow up" and the other one starts getting angry at me for some imagined insult.

But then they head out together and come back later on in the day hyper-as-fuck cause they've just had coffee, so we all get to joke around then. Siblings can be crappy at times. Don't hit your brother though, try telling him you don't like when he does that. It just seems like he was having a bit of harmless fun. Like Oscar said, siblings are the most important people in your lives. Don't give your younger brother the shoulder all for the sake of getting back to your PC 2 minutes quicker.

[Crpto2007]

I hope I can see my ex girlfriend one day. It's been too long and i really miss her.

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;45593905]I do have Autism and I suppose I do have trouble with aggression. But the problem is that they just can't stop doing it let alone try to help me, I've realised over the years that once people start abusing that flaw in you as a person they will keep coming back to it and using it. This is what my siblings are doing to me and I can't do jackshit about it.[/QUOTE]

They aren't supposed to change though. Autism isn't a totally chronic thing, it's a disorder you'll have to work on. You're talking like you're some sort of victim here, but they should never change just because you'll threaten them., so perhaps it's you who should be a bit more considerate?
Next time you could try to play with your siblings instead of running off to your posting station, try to actually be nice to your siblings and appreciate that you get everything for free at the age of 20.

[editline]5th August 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;45595679]I hope I can see my ex girlfriend one day. It's been too long and i really miss her.[/QUOTE]

She's not "the one" man. Don't cling onto your past or you'll never have a future.

[Squidman]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;45595679]I hope I [B]never[/B] see my ex girlfriend [B]again[/B] because last time she threw up on my favorite shirt and told me she was carrying my kid[/QUOTE]

[OscarLimaEcho]

Was she though?

[Crpto2007]

I do think she is the one I never felt like this towards anyone before. She was my first girlfriend and I was so much in love with her and I still am.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;45596687]I do think she is the one I never felt like this towards anyone before. She was my [b]first girlfriend[/b] and I was so much in love with her and I still am.[/QUOTE]

Literally everyone feels this way about their first relationship. They feel like this is it and they're never going to meet someone better... until they do.

Try not to think of it like "she was the one". There are tons of people out there who you could be just as compatible with. No relationship is going to be perfect: no matter how compatible you are, you're going to need to put effort in to make it work.

[Marzipas]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;45596687]I do think she is the one I never felt like this towards anyone before. She was my first girlfriend and I was so much in love with her and I still am.[/QUOTE]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIos0ya-yss[/media]
abort abort abort get outta there abort

[Crpto2007]

I'm seeing her today after she gets off of work and were going out to eat. It's been 3 months since I saw her I want to make things right between us

[OscarLimaEcho]

What does that even mean? What happened between you two?

[Metallics]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;45598581]I'm seeing her today after she gets off of work and were going out to eat. It's been 3 months since I saw her I want to make things right between us[/QUOTE]

Move on ffs.

[Loopoo]

We've given him advice, since we've probably all been through the shitty experience and mental clusterfuck that he's going through right now. He has chosen to ignore us, so let him get on with it. He'll look back in the future and realise it was a waste of time, and that he was stupid for chasing after an ex that has been broken up with him for 3 months.

If you go back and try and "make things right" between the two of you, she'll probably bail since she just wants to be friends? So best of luck, man. You're only gonna postpone the crappy feelings you're going through. Also you'll look painfully desperate at the same time.

[OscarLimaEcho]

Nearly every fuck up we have done is a specific thing we were told not to do. We'll just hope he doesn't repeat it

[PuduEbooks]

We don't really know what happened, we can give nothing but very general advice when we have so little information.

[Fire Kracker]

tbh the only way to learn is to fail

so i say let him

[Хум]

Sorry for shitting this thread up again, I'm really overthinking all of this.

Anyways, like I mentioned before, I'm trying to invite a girl from my class somewhere, using fb because vacation and all ( and because I'm shy as fuck ). She hasn't been online for a while now ( or so it seems, because I rarely use fb ), do I ask while she's offline or keep fb open at all times until she comes online?

[Loopoo]

Enlist a friend to help, and both take 12-hour shifts keeping vigil on the FB Messenger app, waiting until she comes online. If 12 hour shifts are too tough, get your mum and dad to help.

Really though, you're thinking about this way too freaking much. It doesn't matter if she's offline or online.

[Fire Kracker]

just ask someone she knows for her number

or if you have her contact number just call her

you say you are shy but you need to jump out of your comfort zone in-order to stop being shy

[editline]6th August 2014[/editline]

most people don't check facebook that often unless they literally have nothing to do

[editline]6th August 2014[/editline]

and if you really don't want to

just leave a message because that's what messages are for anyways, she'll see it whenever she gets on