• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=loopoo;45647545]First impressions really count. It's natural to feel nervous, but try not to let it show too much when you meet them. Try to get talking to as many people as possible. It'll help you in the coming weeks find a group that you like. Good luck[/QUOTE] thanks. I didn't see this advice in time, but this is what I did. And it works. For once in my life I feel pretty confident and I'm getting plenty of attention from girls which is new to me and feels awesome. People actually sought me out and asked people if their name was pat (me) to find me. Apparently word got around that I'm pretty nice. My roomies said they I was receiving problems through them when some girls came into our room to see me when I wasn't around. Everyone is so nice here. It's so much fun and I'm genuinely the happiest I have ever been. I'm also part of the school band. And our PE isn't just run around inside a big hall. Today it was kayaking. I frigging love this. I have no worries at all and I'm doing things I enjoy constantly.
I just wanted tell you guys that you're all awesome. I love you all. :)
Auto correct fucked my post. I didn't receive problems. I got compliments.
My relationship from day one has basically been me playing the role of therapist. I loved that I was helping for so long but I cant take it anymore. Being there for my girlfriend = sacrificing my whole social life and free time, and devoting it to consoling her. I'm at the point that I'm really upset, and stressed almost everyday, and its pushing me more and more away from her. We fight almost what feels like every night like it's on a schedule. I just don't know what to do. The relationship I loved for so long is reduced to almost nothing. Has anyone else gone through this? What did you do? Sorry there probably isn't much advice/discussion to be given here but this helps me a little bit. Also more to read i guess.
Hey everyone, I'm just wondering about something. Ever since my ex from 3 years ago and I broke up, I haven't really felt like I "loved" anyone I dated up until now. I liked them enough to date them, but it never felt more than that with them. What I want to ask is, does love really find you when you stop looking? For the past 3 years I kept looking and wanting to find "the one", but 3 years of doing that gets emotionally exhausting.
[QUOTE=huntingrifle;45695246]Hey everyone, I'm just wondering about something. Ever since my ex from 3 years ago and I broke up, I haven't really felt like I "loved" anyone I dated up until now. I liked them enough to date them, but it never felt more than that with them. What I want to ask is, does love really find you when you stop looking? For the past 3 years I kept looking and wanting to find "the one", but 3 years of doing that gets emotionally exhausting.[/QUOTE] Honestly, sometimes it's hard to cope a break-up even after a long time. The thing is that you shouldn't really force yourself to look and find someone, especially "the one". Putting yourself in this kind of situation can make you feel nervous or uneasy because you really want to fill in the void that your ex-girlfriend left behind. I felt that several times with my ex when we had a lot of issues together and when we broke up once for a brief time. Take things easier, continue your life and once an opportunity arises you should take it. For me love always happened when I least expected it in a way. You should chill out a bit and don't look for the one. Just enjoy yourself and on your journey you might find a decent girl that you really like. Delving in past memories and nostalgia is kind of bittersweet but it's poison for your mind.
Try to focus on improving yourself in the meantime. If you want to attract someone amazing, you should put your best foot forward. [QUOTE=huntingrifle;45695246]What I want to ask is, does love really find you when you stop looking?[/QUOTE] It will happen eventually whether you're looking or not. No matter what you do, it will take a while before you meet someone you're interested in, so try to enjoy the ride instead of making it into a chore.
I'd still suggest keeping a watchful eye. I'm 22 years old, never really looked for it and I also never had it.
[QUOTE=huntingrifle;45695246]What I want to ask is, does love really find you when you stop looking?[/QUOTE] I know nothing about love, but... I'm going to paraphrase Heigou and say that I'm almost 21, never really looked for it, never really had it, but there were a few girls (three if I recall) who had expressed their interest. And I'm not even overly good-looking or communicative. Like, I never start a conversation unless I'm alone with the person. So I believe the interest still finds you, though not that often. But you gotta give yourself a push when the time comes.
Hypothetically, is it ethical for a 21 year old college student to date a 17 year old high schooler? My parents have a pretty big gap, but they're immigrant as fuck and are from a different generation. So what are FP's thoughts on this?
Age gap doesn't matter when you're sorta in your twenties, but at 17, she's still pretty much a kid. I was literally a different person at 17 (you always think you're grown up at that age, but you aren't). I find it a bit weird, but then again, everyone's different. Personally, I'd rather find someone in my age range, since we'd have a lot of stuff in common to talk about, we'd both be in the same stages in our life (ie uni, just graduating, whatever), and I wouldn't have to feel like I'm in a highschool-esque relationship again (which sucks). Plus, I'd feel like a creep introducing myself to her parents. 4 years isn't that big a difference, but when you're talking like 16-18, a lot of stuff changes in your life. That's just my own thoughts on it though.
[QUOTE=Doneeh;45723221]Hypothetically, is it ethical for a 21 year old college student to date a 17 year old high schooler? My parents have a pretty big gap, but they're immigrant as fuck and are from a different generation. So what are FP's thoughts on this?[/QUOTE] Your personality changes less rapidly as you get older, which is why it's not as weird for older adults to have a huge age gap. I don't think it's unethical, but it's looked down on for a reason. Teenagers don't have fully developed brains and they look at situations very differently than someone in their 20s would. Even if the 17 year old seems "mature" from talking to her casually, she isn't necessarily going to be able to handle a relationship and any serious issues that arise from it in an adult way. On top of that, like loopoo said you're probably in very different points in life - you're probably in college or at least working and she's still in high school. There's not a lot for you to relate over. Common hobbies alone won't sustain you in a relationship and are pretty insignificant in the long term.
m8s there are some two really cute girls ive been spending a lot of time with. how do i make sure im not bothering them by seeking them out. i also dont really know how to take conversations further, already talked all about interests, where are you from, do you have siblings pets blabla. we talk about things that happen to us or what we did during the day, but it just feels kinda lame asking "what class did you just have" during out 10 minute breaks after each lesson. i really like these two and i would like to get closer to them. i hung out with the first one pretty much all of saturday and the other one and her friend sunday. [editline]18th August 2014[/editline] note: total amateur romantically. no experience at all. also while i do have a crush on these it's not like im just doing it to have a girlfriend or anything, i want to know them better [editline]18th August 2014[/editline] all the guys here are not really my type of person i guess. 2/3rds of the school population is girls though so yea
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45723924]Your personality changes less rapidly as you get older, which is why it's not as weird for older adults to have a huge age gap. I don't think it's unethical, but it's looked down on for a reason. Teenagers don't have fully developed brains and they look at situations very differently than someone in their 20s would. Even if the 17 year old seems "mature" from talking to her casually, she isn't necessarily going to be able to handle a relationship and any serious issues that arise from it in an adult way. On top of that, like loopoo said you're probably in very different points in life - you're probably in college or at least working and she's still in high school. There's not a lot for you to relate over. Common hobbies alone won't sustain you in a relationship and are pretty insignificant in the long term.[/QUOTE] I figured as much. I'd probably save myself the time and effort by not bothering. Now for another question regarding the same time/effort sort of situation. Girl that's maybe a year or two younger that works with me seems like a possibility, but there are just a few things about her that make me uncomfortable. She was depressed at some point (a still is a bit), drinks and smokes weed a shit ton more than I ever would, and just generally seems really insecure about herself. She's outgoing and fun to talk to, but lacks some social etiquette to the point where I feel the need to cover for her blunders just to reduce the awkwardness when we're dealing with customers. Also adopted as a baby and supposedly isn't bothered by it, but once again, she seems insecure about it. Doesn't like talking about school shit; I suspect she doesn't because she's embarrassed or some shit by it. She seems to become really open and truthful when she's either drunk/high/both. Like, to the point where she just says something really awkward and mood-killing, and I don't really have anything to respond with. Appeared pretty open minded, but flipped out a bit when I said I grew up a Muslim, asking if I was going to kill people or some shit. Honestly, I'm boggled. I can't tell if I don't see this relationship as worth pursuing because I'm selfish and don't want to deal with her baggage, or because she's actually being excessive. Not to say she doesn't have her positives, but all the things I listed make me uncomfortable because I know those will come out at some point. It probably isn't worth it, but I figured I'd get a second opinion anyway.
You shouldnt have to be constantly taking care of your partner and being their crutch. You also cant fix their problems for them, so do you want to deal with all that stuff long term?
Minor update: haven't heard from her since the last time I posted (2 weeks ago by the indicated date), I'm really numb to things emotionally. I'm smoking a lot more than I was and the only time my mind is at peace is when I am occupied with my new job. It used to be having my friends around would be an adequate distraction, but now even when I'm surrounded by the people that love and care for me I feel numb and isolated. I think it's the lack of closure you know? I know we probably aren't over, but the isolation makes me feel like I've been left out to dry and it is really just killing me you guys. Sorry for depressing.
[QUOTE=Doneeh;45727507]She seems to become really open and truthful when she's either drunk/high/both. Like, to the point where she just says something really awkward and mood-killing, and I don't really have anything to respond with. Appeared pretty open minded, but flipped out a bit when I said I grew up a Muslim, asking if I was going to kill people or some shit. [/QUOTE] If someone made a comment like that and was serious about it, I wouldn't talk to them anymore. I'm appalled. [editline]18th August 2014[/editline] Do you live in the rural south or something?
[QUOTE=Doneeh;45727507]I figured as much. I'd probably save myself the time and effort by not bothering. Now for another question regarding the same time/effort sort of situation. Girl that's maybe a year or two younger that works with me seems like a possibility, but there are just a few things about her that make me uncomfortable. She was depressed at some point (a still is a bit), drinks and smokes weed a shit ton more than I ever would, and just generally seems really insecure about herself. She's outgoing and fun to talk to, but lacks some social etiquette to the point where I feel the need to cover for her blunders just to reduce the awkwardness when we're dealing with customers. Also adopted as a baby and supposedly isn't bothered by it, but once again, she seems insecure about it. Doesn't like talking about school shit; I suspect she doesn't because she's embarrassed or some shit by it. She seems to become really open and truthful when she's either drunk/high/both. Like, to the point where she just says something really awkward and mood-killing, and I don't really have anything to respond with. Appeared pretty open minded, but flipped out a bit when I said I grew up a Muslim, asking if I was going to kill people or some shit. Honestly, I'm boggled. I can't tell if I don't see this relationship as worth pursuing because I'm selfish and don't want to deal with her baggage, or because she's actually being excessive. Not to say she doesn't have her positives, but all the things I listed make me uncomfortable because I know those will come out at some point. It probably isn't worth it, but I figured I'd get a second opinion anyway.[/QUOTE] You're not selfish at all. You're friends with these girls and it's only natural to weigh out the advantages and disadvantages. You want someone who makes you happy, you don't want to dive into a relationship headfirst and be tackling problems from the get-go. Also, her comment about you killing people, are you sure she wasn't joking? I'm Arab / grew up a Muslim myself, and none of my friends would ever say anything like that seriously. Though we do have the occasional banter about my religion / descent, it's always 100% joking and I know they'd never in a million years actually think that, and I don't take offense to it because it makes me laugh and - again - they're friends and don't mean anything serious by it. For example: I went to play pool and I asked the bartender I'm friends with if I could leave my bag behind the desk. He looked at me funny whilst holding my bag up and said "There's nothing dangerous in here, is there?" and I just completely casually said "Nah, though if you hear a ticking sound, it's nothing to worry about" and we both laughed about it.
Planning to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow... she's been emotionally abusive and detached for a while now and I can't take the anxiety she's giving me, even though I've put up with what she's been doing to me for so long, things that would have made countless others dump her a long time ago, things that even her friends are saying are horrible. I've given her many chances to fix it and I've been totally forward about the problem but she refuses to acknowledge that the problem is there, like if she doesn't see it then it's obviously not a problem, in spite of all this; i'm still going to find myself crushed when I have to do it tomorrow, I know that by staying with her through all of this bullshit I set myself up to fall. I guess it's never easy to give up your first real girlfriend, after having had short physical relationships with girls on and off for some time, she was the girl I connected with, who I actually wanted to be with for her and not for some totally shallow reason. Anyways I'm mainly posting because it feels better to get it off my chest, it had been a long ride but I never saw it ending for these reasons, it's a shame that my birthday Friday will be spent alone, (Best part, we both have the exact same birth date, but she probably won't care that it's over) anyways enough rambling, this is all just a prime example that a relationship is an effort on both sides.
[QUOTE=Causicus;45734515]Planning to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow... she's been emotionally abusive and detached for a while now and I can't take the anxiety she's giving me, even though I've put up with what she's been doing to me for so long, things that would have made countless others dump her a long time ago, things that even her friends are saying are horrible. [/QUOTE] It can be a hard lesson to learn, took me 7 years to fully realise that and sling the bitch, with my first ex.
Sometimes breaking up with someone is for the better. As for the other guy talking about age gap in the last page, age difference really does matter at younger ages. I had a very small age gap relationship as my first, I was 18 and she was 16, and the maturity difference was huge, as well as simple understanding of life. We ended up getting back together a few years later and its way different. A couple years makes all the difference at younger ages.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45733702]If someone made a comment like that and was serious about it, I wouldn't talk to them anymore. I'm appalled. [editline]18th August 2014[/editline] Do you live in the rural south or something?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=loopoo;45733837]Also, her comment about you killing people, are you sure she wasn't joking? I'm Arab / grew up a Muslim myself, and none of my friends would ever say anything like that seriously. Though we do have the occasional banter about my religion / descent, it's always 100% joking and I know they'd never in a million years actually think that, and I don't take offense to it because it makes me laugh and - again - they're friends and don't mean anything serious by it. For example: I went to play pool and I asked the bartender I'm friends with if I could leave my bag behind the desk. He looked at me funny whilst holding my bag up and said "There's nothing dangerous in here, is there?" and I just completely casually said "Nah, though if you hear a ticking sound, it's nothing to worry about" and we both laughed about it.[/QUOTE] Nah, in Jersey. I assumed it was a mix of being drunk, high and socially ignorant. She almost seemed scared. She lives in a much whiter town than me, so less diversity to be around when growing up probably led to her not knowing shit about other groups other than what she might hear on the news or from her parents/friends. Me and a buddy usually joke about being Muslims, considering we've both become pretty secular since our teenage years. It usually culminates in comments like "You filthy Muslim" or "Get your Cherry Law out of here." Some people actually think we're serious sometimes. [QUOTE=loopoo;45733837]You're not selfish at all. You're friends with these girls and it's only natural to weigh out the advantages and disadvantages. You want someone who makes you happy, you don't want to dive into a relationship headfirst and be tackling problems from the get-go.[/QUOTE] Is it so wrong to want to find someone that's self-sustaining and level-headed? Shit, it's like every chick I'm interested in is either too attached, or carries way too many problems to be worth it. Like I'm supposed to know how to fix shit like confidence issues or what direction to take in life. My last gf would call me all the time when I'm busy with studying and papers and shit, talking about how she wants to stand up to people and stuff like that. I really dislike being someone's crutch. This sort of shit really turns me off to relationships in general. Also, I should probably stop bitching about this shit and start giving what advice I can.
Started dating a girl with blue hair (although by the time you read this our relationship will likely be deader then Rasputin) and I was wondering if any of you know how to remove blue hair dye from towels, t-shirts, boxers, and skin. I have to go to work tomorrow and I currently look like I shagged a thousand blueberries. Thank you for your time.
[QUOTE=Causicus;45734515] -issues- [/QUOTE] So I learned some things, her friend texted me asking if I was ok (wasn't, high anxiety, kinda broken feeling) after I broke up with her, it turns out that my gf lied to her friends and said that I just told her off for no reason and that I called her a bitch and all of this cruel stuff. I'm happy that one of her friends told me this, her friends are all very good people, the issue is that she's sociopathically good at lying, unbeknownst to me at the time of our relationship. It turns out she's also lied about a slew of things to me and her friends, that being said I haven't turned into some asshole trying to turn her friends against her or anything. Although neither me nor her friend have actually turned on her and started slinging shit. This does make it easier to get over her though, I don't know why but I still find myself caring about her, I've always been extremely loyal to people who are friends, partners, etc. so I guess that's a possible reason. Anyways the reason I made this post is because it seems that she was checking out other guys and making remarks on how good they looked to her friends while we dated, and talked about taking another guy to the prom a week before it ended, one of them decided to tell me about it, albeit a bit late but i'm happy to know now at least. Tl;dr: Girlfriend who has been emotionally abusive was probably only doing it so that I would dump her so she can pursue some guy who has made it clear he isn't interested, although it's sad to hear, i'm glad that I know now and have some closure, it should make moving on a lot easier.
I've been seeing this girl a lot lately. She's pretty much perfect for me personality wise. We're both pretty awkward I think. I feel like I gotta keep entertaining her so I don't bore her and that's kinda tough. Somehow we ended up finding two sets of magic the gathering and we tried it. Suddenly 10 guys came up all like WITH MAGIC THE GATHERING CAN WE PLEASE PLAY and suddenly we had a a game master and a tournament and stuff. We fled it got too weird
[QUOTE=Squidman;45743118]Started dating a girl with blue hair (although by the time you read this our relationship will likely be deader then Rasputin) and I was wondering if any of you know how to remove blue hair dye from towels, t-shirts, boxers, and skin. I have to go to work tomorrow and I currently look like I shagged a thousand blueberries. Thank you for your time.[/QUOTE] What the hell did you do man, its not that hard to keep hair dye off things wow. Is it a temporary or permanent dye? If its permanent your pretty much screwed, bleach anything you can I guess
Bit of a vent but since starting work I've found it really hard to make connections with new people, its getting to me a little. Obviously I have a good working relationship with my colleagues but as a third party contractor in their store that's about as far as it goes. With me being a guard too most customers just think I'm out to get them and shit except from the occasional old dear. Not a lot of time for my friends either these days since I'm mr cover every shift ever, makes me feel a bit bad for them.
So I'm leaving for school tomorrow morning, and I've been saying my byes and farewells. This is going to sound silly and stupid but this thread especially (and the whole forum) has helped me in so many ways. I just wanted to say thanks guys, you're all awesome people.
Meet a cool british girl, we're hanging out and we slept together a few times. Went to Amsterdam with her and some other friends. We had quite some fun. Nice chilling out like that and feeling alright. The girl is really awesome.
Ok, so I'm leaving for college on sunday, and I've let my social skills slump [I]a lot.[/I] I haven't really had to use them in several years since I pretty much stuck to one social circle. How do I meet and talk to people? I know it's a stupid question but I'd rather have advice and disregard it than make things up as I go along without points of reference.
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