Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=ehheh;45910955]Feel tons better now after some rest, and yea you're right. If she just outright ignored me ever existing after the first date I guess we weren't meant to be anyway. I see it as her loss but I've learned a bit though from this experience.
I think there is a silver lining to all this though, at least I just wasted just a single day instead of months, maybe even years with her. Guess I'll see this as a good thing instead of a bad thing.[/QUOTE]
Hey, just wanna ask: Today everyone was consoling and defending me like crazy [long story short the girl used me on our date] but I'm over the date and that girl.
But I was buying a meal for another girl who happens to be a friend of which I don't have an interest or crush on - besides, she has a boyfriend - for like $10 and everyone got upset about it because they think I'm being used again.
I mean.. I was just trying to help out a friend who said she was hungry. Not trying to buy her love or get in with her or anything, and I don't think she is trying to use me since she said she is paying back.
What gives? I can't help a friend out? Everyone kept saying I'm way too nice and gullible.
[QUOTE=ehheh;45928260]Same.
Though I gotta wonder, does it say something about myself if I only attract fucked up girls?[/QUOTE]
Not really, even a good judge of character will encounter that stuff because bad aspects of people aren't always apparent until later.
[QUOTE=blerb;45932090]Thanks. I've already got another job, and I've been trying to cut back on the pot use as well.
I currently can't afford therapy, and I'm not insured, so it's currently not a choice. I would have been going to a therapist a long time ago if it were an option. I am going to see my family doctor soon though, so I'm hoping he can provide some alternatives. Just acknowledging my problems helps a lot, though. I don't have anyone to talk about my personal issues, so it's nice to get it out there, regardless of whether people respond to it (or even read it.)
Are there any websites that provide pyschological resolutions to common personal issues? Most personal issues are too complex to solve without psychiatric help I'd assume, but it would be nice to understand some of the common elements of these complexes.[/QUOTE]
It's hard to judge. Most people on the internet like to believe they have psychology degrees but I wouldn't trust a word they say. If you google it you'd probably find some sort of forum but I'd take what they say with a grain of salt at the very least.
It's good to hear you're trying to do some positive things in your life though. Do you exercise regularly? You'd be surprised how much healthier it can make you, not only physically but mentally and emotionally
[QUOTE=killerteacup;45937980]It's hard to judge. Most people on the internet like to believe they have psychology degrees but I wouldn't trust a word they say. If you google it you'd probably find some sort of forum but I'd take what they say with a grain of salt at the very least.[/QUOTE]
That, and the field of psychology is always changing. I had a college professor who taught us completely outdated theories in class. It's hard to know that you're getting the most accurate information unless you're going the whole nine yards with a degree, attending board meetings with other psychologists, etc.
Asking for psychological resolutions to "personal issues" is quite vague on its own, but if you need help on a specific subject I might be able to direct you to a relevant resource. Undergrad with only a handful of introductory psych and sociology classes under my belt so my opinion isn't much more reliable than anyone else's here. A good place to start might be by considering the cause of your emotional problems - for instance, are they purely situational, or are they something you've dealt with even before all this drama with your ex started?
[editline]9th September 2014[/editline]
Also, if you want to be able to visit your kid, I strongly recommend you take her family to court and fight for visitation rights at the very least. From what I'm reading, it looks like waiting to do this will make your case less convincing (because it makes it look like it isn't a priority for you to the judges) so I recommend you get on that ASAP for the best results.
[editline]9th September 2014[/editline]
Also
[QUOTE=blerb;45914348]I suppose this shouls have gone in the depression thread. My apologies.[/QUOTE]
Don't go to that thread, all it is is a ton of people moping to each other and comparing their problems. Nobody gives advice there and anyone who does is ignored. This thread is a bit better at getting shit done.
I'll be short but concise, no one likes a big wall of text. I'd try to answer someone else's problems first because I kinda feel bad for receiving but not giving back in return, but after all there's a reason why I'm asking for advice and not giving back.
This shy but really cute chick (not supermodel hot, but she is to me and she really is very cute) in another department at work and I used to get on quite a bit. Got to the point of sending hundreds of nudes to each other and heaps of flirting online and shit. Hard to talk in person because she's still in high school and I'm at uni, and she does afternoon shifts while I do night shifts. Yeah well that ended a while ago, she probably didn't know what she wanted. We started talking a few months later, but at that point she rejected me.
I got ashamed of seeing her at the top of my friends list on Facebook, so I deleted her. A few days ago she added me again on Facebook, so she was obviously thinking of something. I accepted and I sent her a message saying hi, but she read it and didn't respond. The night after I tested her again and I sent a link to a video I thought she'd like (a role reversal video where dudes get periods, because she always used to complain about periods and how men got it easy) and she also read and didn't respond. I'm not going to bother again.
Can someone just help me comprehend why she would add someone who she knows has feelings for her, which were pretty much mutual at some point many months ago, but not respond to messages?
Women are confusing sometime. If you sent nudes and all that jazz she's obviously interested but maybe she thinks you're only interested in her in that way?
You're probably best making the time and seeing her in person to speak to her. If you want a relationship with her or something, speak your mind and tell her you want more than you are now.
She is obviously still interested if she sent you a friend request again,
[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;45939881]Women are confusing sometime. If you sent nudes and all that jazz she's obviously interested but maybe she thinks you're only interested in her in that way?
You're probably best making the time and seeing her in person to speak to her. If you want a relationship with her or something, speak your mind and tell her you want more than you are now.
She is obviously still interested if she sent you a friend request again,[/QUOTE]
Haha that's funny about the nudes actually. She would always insist on them and I actually got kind of tired about it. I emphasised many times I didn't like her just because of the nudes hell sometimes I asked just for her cute smile and she obliged. I also actually tried to slow things down because they were developing too fast ie she wanted me to call her babe and she'd call me honey and this was like only very shortly after we started talking. I tried to see her in person ie I'd ask her every now and then if she wanted to go to lunch but there was always a reason she couldn't.
Sounds like she's using you to boost her confidence.
And now since she's not into the whole nudes thing anymore, she probably just wants you around on her Facebook so she feels that she has someone interested in her.
[QUOTE=TehMentos;45940110]Sounds like she's using you to boost her confidence.
And now since she's not into the whole nudes thing anymore, she probably just wants you around on her Facebook so she feels that she has someone interested in her.[/QUOTE]
This actually sounds about right, considering she was progressing so fast with you and it seems she didn't want a relationship.
If she really isn't playing ball, just remove her from your life/facebook and get on with what you normally do. She may at some point come back to you for more attention but just ignore her since what she's doing is pretty wrong.
People in this thread are pretty down on randoms they have never met some days. Id just chill and stop messaging her, do whatever you normally do and let her message you if she wants to, then you can get an idea of whats up. Till then it doesnt really matter
Who knows. We'll both be at the work Christmas party but I'm not expecting anything out of that. I guess life will just go on.
So these first few days at "uni" are a blast so far. Parisians are much more open and less haughty than I expected them to be. I'm generally kind of introverted and don't speak much to strangers spontaneously, but here it seems different somehow. Perhaps it's a reaction to the two years I've spent as a social hermit, but I just kinda engage in conversation with random people, as do many other students. I'm still not extremely talkative, but it's better than simply not talking to people period I guess. I'm a bit concerned about spreading myself among too many different groups and not actually belonging to any of them, though. What's the best course of action, generally?
Another issue is that everybody on my dorm level is either Moroccan or Brazilian, and it seems they kinda tend to cater to their own communities. Or perhaps I'm just not doing it right, I dunno.
Still, the high amount of foreign people here is kinda neat. It's mainly Chinese and Morrocans, though.
What also sucks is that there's only 18% female students here. Given that I pretty much have zero experience with girls so far (or at least other than as friends), it doesn't really help things. Not sure what I should do if I'm looking for a relationship. I know a common piece of advice is that the best way to do it is to have it as a result of simply being active and socially healthy instead of actively pursuing it, but I'm not sure if that's gonna cut it in that particular case.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;45937980]It's hard to judge. Most people on the internet like to believe they have psychology degrees but I wouldn't trust a word they say. If you google it you'd probably find some sort of forum but I'd take what they say with a grain of salt at the very least.
It's good to hear you're trying to do some positive things in your life though. Do you exercise regularly? You'd be surprised how much healthier it can make you, not only physically but mentally and emotionally[/QUOTE]
I was regularly lifting weights until I threw out my back. Now I'm waiting on my appointment with my doctor to get some xrays done. I do a lot biking though, as it's my only method of transportation. I enjoy it a lot, exploring all of the bike paths around my area is incredibly relaxing.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45938252]That, and the field of psychology is always changing. I had a college professor who taught us completely outdated theories in class. It's hard to know that you're getting the most accurate information unless you're going the whole nine yards with a degree, attending board meetings with other psychologists, etc.
Asking for psychological resolutions to "personal issues" is quite vague on its own, but if you need help on a specific subject I might be able to direct you to a relevant resource. Undergrad with only a handful of introductory psych and sociology classes under my belt so my opinion isn't much more reliable than anyone else's here. A good place to start might be by considering the cause of your emotional problems - for instance, are they purely situational, or are they something you've dealt with even before all this drama with your ex started?
[editline]9th September 2014[/editline]
Also, if you want to be able to visit your kid, I strongly recommend you take her family to court and fight for visitation rights at the very least. From what I'm reading, it looks like waiting to do this will make your case less convincing (because it makes it look like it isn't a priority for you to the judges) so I recommend you get on that ASAP for the best results.
[editline]9th September 2014[/editline]
Also
Don't go to that thread, all it is is a ton of people moping to each other and comparing their problems. Nobody gives advice there and anyone who does is ignored. This thread is a bit better at getting shit done.[/QUOTE]
It's hard to discern where the source(s) of my problems come from specifically, but I do know they're mostly related to my poor relationship with my father, who was extremely verbally abusive (and still is in most cases) which led to my total lack of self worth. It's also affected my ability to make friends. I've only had one close friend throughout my entire life, and we aren't even that close any more. Other than that, I don't speak to anyone outside of my family. It's not from a lack of trying, people just don't seem to like who I am or what I say. Of course there are likely many more factors (my less than stellar relationship with the rest of my family and my ex come to mind).
So to answer your question, it's something I've dealt with all my life.
I am currently going through legal aid to get a lawyer ASAP and to take her to court. He was only born 3 weeks ago, so I don't think the judge will let that affect his/her decision.
So was talking to this old friend on Facebook who moved away a long time ago. She have me her number so we could talk more since she doesn't check her Facebook that often.
It kind of makes her the first girl to offer me her number out friendship rather than necessity. It's nice.
Why do I have feelings similar to depression when I have a crush on a girl? I should be really fucking happy seeing as she likes me enough to at least want to spend time outside of class together with just the two of us but I just have feelings like depression and have no idea what causes it. Same thing happens every time I find a girl I really like and it ends up getting to the point where I get too negative about everything and it just turns them off. And I really don't want to fuck up with this girl and I feel like if I can break out of the depressive feelings I get when I have a crush I'll actually have a good shot at this.
[QUOTE=blerb;45941190]It's hard to discern where the source(s) of my problems come from specifically, but I do know they're mostly related to my poor relationship with my father, who was extremely verbally abusive (and still is in most cases) which led to my total lack of self worth. It's also affected my ability to make friends. I've only had one close friend throughout my entire life, and we aren't even that close any more. Other than that, I don't speak to anyone outside of my family. It's not from a lack of trying, people just don't seem to like who I am or what I say. Of course there are likely many more factors (my less than stellar relationship with the rest of my family and my ex come to mind).
So to answer your question, it's something I've dealt with all my life.
I am currently going through legal aid to get a lawyer ASAP and to take her to court. He was only born 3 weeks ago, so I don't think the judge will let that affect his/her decision.[/QUOTE]
Glad to hear that you're taking legal action.
I'm not sure how much help this will be, but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common approaches for treating depression that doesn't involve medication. Your ways of thinking and the wording you use play a large role in depression and anxiety. CBT focuses on recognizing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. One way I used to practice this was by keeping a journal in which I wrote one positive thing that happened every day to help myself focus less on the negative events in my life. It doesn't sound like much, but just forcing yourself to do little things like that can make a big difference. Over time, I came to the realization that being positive/optimistic is more beneficial to me than being a "realist" and that made it easier for me to change my mentality.
Interpersonal relationships can also play a large part in mood disorders. It sounds like your relationships with your father and your ex definitely aren't doing you any favors. You may want to evaluate your relationships with other people in your life and consider whether your feelings toward yourself have been negatively affected by them.
Your body language also plays a big part in your emotions - I'm sure you've heard of smiling in order to feel happier. Adapting a more confident or relaxed posture will also make you feel more confident/relaxed.
You may want to read up on different types of psychotherapy used to treat disorders such as depression and anxiety to get an idea of what you can focus on improving. Just knowing what the common underlying issues are and having a general idea of how they're usually treated might help you find answers.
Just an undergrad going off of what I've studied, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. I'm sure you can find some much more credible resources online regarding coping with a mood disorder.
[editline]12th September 2014[/editline]
I would also suggest looking for a healthy outlet for your emotions. Drugs aren't a good long-term solution. You may want to look into art or crafts. You mentioned that you used to lift, so maybe finding another physical activity that you enjoy would be a good idea. I personally took up woodworking as a way to calm down (tends to be surprisingly exhausting when you're doing it for several hours straight, and I rarely have the energy to be angry after spending hours doing manual labor), but I'm also lucky enough to have access to a garage to hide in. Fishing is relaxing and fairly easy to get into, especially if you're lucky enough to not have a whiny boyfriend who can't stand outside for 5 minutes without crying about mosquitoes and how hot it is and dropping your live bait on the ground. Cooking/baking are relaxing hobbies as well and very practical skills to learn, with the added benefit of being able to cook healthy meals for yourself and eat better, which will probably help with your emotional levels.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;45946902]Why do I have feelings similar to depression when I have a crush on a girl? I should be really fucking happy seeing as she likes me enough to at least want to spend time outside of class together with just the two of us but I just have feelings like depression and have no idea what causes it. Same thing happens every time I find a girl I really like and it ends up getting to the point where I get too negative about everything and it just turns them off. And I really don't want to fuck up with this girl and I feel like if I can break out of the depressive feelings I get when I have a crush I'll actually have a good shot at this.[/QUOTE]
I think it's a normal feeling. You just need to actually do something to stop those feelings. Actually asking her out and dating her, for example.
It happens to me, and I've realized that the feeling of sadness is probably because I won't be able to actually be with that person. It would probably go away if you started a relationship with her.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45959012]Glad to hear that you're taking legal action.
I'm not sure how much help this will be, but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most common approaches for treating depression that doesn't involve medication. Your ways of thinking and the wording you use play a large role in depression and anxiety. CBT focuses on recognizing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. One way I used to practice this was by keeping a journal in which I wrote one positive thing that happened every day to help myself focus less on the negative events in my life. It doesn't sound like much, but just forcing yourself to do little things like that can make a big difference. Over time, I came to the realization that being positive/optimistic is more beneficial to me than being a "realist" and that made it easier for me to change my mentality.
Interpersonal relationships can also play a large part in mood disorders. It sounds like your relationships with your father and your ex definitely aren't doing you any favors. You may want to evaluate your relationships with other people in your life and consider whether your feelings toward yourself have been negatively affected by them.
Your body language also plays a big part in your emotions - I'm sure you've heard of smiling in order to feel happier. Adapting a more confident or relaxed posture will also make you feel more confident/relaxed.
You may want to read up on different types of psychotherapy used to treat disorders such as depression and anxiety to get an idea of what you can focus on improving. Just knowing what the common underlying issues are and having a general idea of how they're usually treated might help you find answers.
Just an undergrad going off of what I've studied, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. I'm sure you can find some much more credible resources online regarding coping with a mood disorder.
[editline]12th September 2014[/editline]
I would also suggest looking for a healthy outlet for your emotions. Drugs aren't a good long-term solution. You may want to look into art or crafts. You mentioned that you used to lift, so maybe finding another physical activity that you enjoy would be a good idea. I personally took up woodworking as a way to calm down (tends to be surprisingly exhausting when you're doing it for several hours straight, and I rarely have the energy to be angry after spending hours doing manual labor), but I'm also lucky enough to have access to a garage to hide in. Fishing is relaxing and fairly easy to get into, especially if you're lucky enough to not have a whiny boyfriend who can't stand outside for 5 minutes without crying about mosquitoes and how hot it is and dropping your live bait on the ground. Cooking/baking are relaxing hobbies as well and very practical skills to learn, with the added benefit of being able to cook healthy meals for yourself and eat better, which will probably help with your emotional levels.[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the input. I'll try keeping a journal as you mentioned, as well as expanding my knowledge on psychotherapy and the different methods employed for different disorders. I just wish I knew what specific disorders I have. I guess self-diagnosis is a bad idea? I know I'm overly anxious for certain, and probably depressed, but other than that, I really have no idea.
I've been trying to learn some art as well, particularly drawing and 3D modeling, but I always end up getting frustrated and quit. I suppose it's another byproduct of my negative attitude, fear of failure and all that jazz. I know there really isn't any failure to be had in art, especially something as interpretive as drawing. I just don't handle frustration well, I guess.
Thanks again. Grains of salt aside, you've helped a lot.
[QUOTE=blerb;45967910]Thanks for the input. I'll try keeping a journal as you mentioned, as well as expanding my knowledge on psychotherapy and the different methods employed for different disorders. I just wish I knew what specific disorders I have. I guess self-diagnosis is a bad idea? I know I'm overly anxious for certain, and probably depressed, but other than that, I really have no idea.
I've been trying to learn some art as well, particularly drawing and 3D modeling, but I always end up getting frustrated and quit. I suppose it's another byproduct of my negative attitude, fear of failure and all that jazz. I know there really isn't any failure to be had in art, especially something as interpretive as drawing. I just don't handle frustration well, I guess.
Thanks again. Grains of salt aside, you've helped a lot.[/QUOTE]
I'm glad I was able to help (:
Fear of failure can definitely be a big hindrance in art forms, but it's necessary to overcome before you can really succeed at something. If you're passionate about improving your drawing/3D modeling, maybe you could try setting small goals to work on one by one so you don't get overwhelmed. I don't know much about drawing, but I play piano and have found that it's a lot easier to work on performing a piece of music if I'm isolating the part that I'm having trouble with and practicing that on its own over and over again. If I'm having issues with a certain technique, I'll end up devoting my daily 30 minute practice sessions almost exclusively to that specific technique for days at a time. Maybe you could apply that to the art you're doing - try to isolate what techniques you're having trouble with and find a way to focus on honing them one at a time?
If drawing is becoming more painful than enjoyable for you, you might want to consider trying out another hobby. Creating art has always frustrated me for similar reasons to you so I found that I enjoyed "practical" crafts like woodworking in which my focus is usually on whether the item is functional or not. It's a lot easier for me to enjoy something when I have low standards for how it will turn out.
My stance on self-diagnosis is that, even if you don't technically have a disorder, knowing how to treat its symptoms can still benefit you. A couple years back, I realized that I have many of the symptoms of dyslexia and a lot of my personality "quirks" that I was quite embarrassed about (like my stutter and trouble with directions) lined up pretty perfectly. I didn't get officially diagnosed (because I don't have $4000 to spend on an official test) but I spoke to a therapist about it. It's not something I care to bring up anymore because I wasn't officially diagnosed and it seems odd to many people because of how literate I am, but knowing that my symptoms were similar helped me find ways to cope with it. I have difficulty reading efficiently, so I learned little tricks like using different font types to make it easier to read (still haven't figured out how to make sheet music less dizzying for me). Whether or not I "officially" am dyslexic, the solutions that properly diagnosed dyslexics have found for their problems consistently seem to work for me, so I think self-diagnosis has helped me in that particular situation.
I think that if you do research into the symptoms you have, the best way to safely "self-diagnose" would be to keep an open mind and try out different approaches in a trial-and-error sort of way. Some coping mechanisms might work well for you while others might not work at all, regardless of what disorders you do or don't have. The focus shouldn't necessarily be what specific disorder you have, but what symptoms you have, if that makes sense.
Sorry for the long stories, but I figured explaining my personal experience would make what I was trying to say make more sense.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45968236]I'm glad I was able to help (:
Fear of failure can definitely be a big hindrance in art forms, but it's necessary to overcome before you can really succeed at something. If you're passionate about improving your drawing/3D modeling, maybe you could try setting small goals to work on one by one so you don't get overwhelmed. I don't know much about drawing, but I play piano and have found that it's a lot easier to work on performing a piece of music if I'm isolating the part that I'm having trouble with and practicing that on its own over and over again. If I'm having issues with a certain technique, I'll end up devoting my daily 30 minute practice sessions almost exclusively to that specific technique for days at a time. Maybe you could apply that to the art you're doing - try to isolate what techniques you're having trouble with and find a way to focus on honing them one at a time?
If drawing is becoming more painful than enjoyable for you, you might want to consider trying out another hobby. Creating art has always frustrated me for similar reasons to you so I found that I enjoyed "practical" crafts like woodworking in which my focus is usually on whether the item is functional or not. It's a lot easier for me to enjoy something when I have low standards for how it will turn out.
My stance on self-diagnosis is that, even if you don't technically have a disorder, knowing how to treat its symptoms can still benefit you. A couple years back, I realized that I have many of the symptoms of dyslexia and a lot of my personality "quirks" that I was quite embarrassed about (like my stutter and trouble with directions) lined up pretty perfectly. I didn't get officially diagnosed (because I don't have $4000 to spend on an official test) but I spoke to a therapist about it. It's not something I care to bring up anymore because I wasn't officially diagnosed and it seems odd to many people because of how literate I am, but knowing that my symptoms were similar helped me find ways to cope with it. I have difficulty reading efficiently, so I learned little tricks like using different font types to make it easier to read (still haven't figured out how to make sheet music less dizzying for me). Whether or not I "officially" am dyslexic, the solutions that properly diagnosed dyslexics have found for their problems consistently seem to work for me, so I think self-diagnosis has helped me in that particular situation.
I think that if you do research into the symptoms you have, the best way to safely "self-diagnose" would be to keep an open mind and try out different approaches in a trial-and-error sort of way. Some coping mechanisms might work well for you while others might not work at all, regardless of what disorders you do or don't have. The focus shouldn't necessarily be what specific disorder you have, but what symptoms you have, if that makes sense.
Sorry for the long stories, but I figured explaining my personal experience would make what I was trying to say make more sense.[/QUOTE]
Your personal experiences provide quite a lot of context, and it helps to make my problems seem a little more human, so thanks for providing them.
I've been doing a bit of reading on some psychology subjects, particularly negative thought processes and ways to think positively, or rather, working towards thinking positively. As you said, keeping a journal seems like the best approach. I haven't sat down and properly wrote down my thoughts yet, simply because I enter a different mindset as soon as I pick up a pencil or open up a text file. I'll keep working on it, though.
I'm gonna give drawing and modeling a shot for a while, and if I end up too frustrated, I'll pick something else up. I was actually quite a gifted woodworker in high school, but I can't afford it as a hobby. It's a shame too, it's quite a lot of fun when there's no pressure to perform for a client.
[QUOTE=blerb;45973057]Your personal experiences provide quite a lot of context, and it helps to make my problems seem a little more human, so thanks for providing them.
I've been doing a bit of reading on some psychology subjects, particularly negative thought processes and ways to think positively, or rather, working towards thinking positively. As you said, keeping a journal seems like the best approach. I haven't sat down and properly wrote down my thoughts yet, simply because I enter a different mindset as soon as I pick up a pencil or open up a text file. I'll keep working on it, though.
I'm gonna give drawing and modeling a shot for a while, and if I end up too frustrated, I'll pick something else up. I was actually quite a gifted woodworker in high school, but I can't afford it as a hobby. It's a shame too, it's quite a lot of fun when there's no pressure to perform for a client.[/QUOTE]
If you would like art advice feel free to wander into the creative work thread or drop me a pm
a good place to start might be blind contour studies, since they invariably will look like crap ya dont have to worry about it haha
[QUOTE=Ignhelper;45923350]So I've met this Irish girl while waiting for a bus at the bus stop, and she just so happened to ask my friend and I for directions. Afterwards, we had small talk, and I asked her for her FB, and my friend asked for her number.
She had added me just a day ago, now I regret not asking for her number. I don't want to be creepy and get it from my friend, so I'm thinking of asking her on FB for her number. How do I go about doing that? Also, I have no other intentions besides to be friends. I want to get clear on this.
And also, how would I go about getting back as friends with my old friends? I have them on facebook, but years of not talking has sort of made them 'acquaintances'. How could I get them back as friends then? I know this sounds silly, but its really hard to just ask them out for a chat. The last thing I want is for my facebook friends to remain as FB friends.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;45923453]Well if you have no intentions other than being friends just ask for her number straight up.
You could bullshit about how you're never on facebook or something[/QUOTE]
So my friend asked her out, but she told him that no relationships, only friends, which he agreed. He told her to meet this coming tuesday, but then he told me she hasn't replied. And he said he won't bother waiting at the time and place if there isn't any respond from her.
Now this just complicate matters for me. How the hell do I convince her that I want to meet her as well on the basis of friends? I know she works in a hospital and is only just 20-25 mins away from my house, but I don't want to become creepy and find her there.
I could come up with some shit like making an appointment there and then try to ask her out for coffee at the starbucks there, but I don't think its gonna work that well after what my friend tried.
I should had asked her when we first met her, shame.
And my friend has her number, I don't. I didn't get from my friend cause that'll just be creepy.
How do I proceed? I don't want people on my facebook to just retain as 'facebook friends'. People who I've met in life, but ending up as just a acquaintance. Help me FP.
I don't understand what the problem is, why don't you just talk to her? You can have a conversation through Facebook and get to know each other.
[editline]14th September 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Ignhelper;45974653]Now this just complicate matters for me. How the hell do I convince her that I want to meet her as well on the basis of friends? I know she works in a hospital and is only just 20-25 mins away from my house, but I don't want to become creepy and find her there.
I could come up with some shit like making an appointment there and then try to ask her out for coffee at the starbucks there, but I don't think its gonna work that well after what my friend tried.[/QUOTE]
You JUST admitted that doing that would be creepy and you're still seriously considering it?
Why not just express an interest in getting to know her in the normal, honest, non-deceptive way?
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45975499]I don't understand what the problem is, why don't you just talk to her? You can have a conversation through Facebook and get to know each other.
[editline]14th September 2014[/editline]
You JUST admitted that doing that would be creepy and you're still seriously considering it?
Why not just express an interest in getting to know her in the normal, honest, non-deceptive way?[/QUOTE]
What? No, it would be creepy if I just go there without an agenda, but It wouldn't be if I have a appointment, because I do. Its just a thought anyway, I don't plan on doing it.
Because I'm afraid of it ending up like my friend.
[QUOTE=Ignhelper;45975992]What? No, it would be creepy if I just go there without an agenda, but It wouldn't be if I have a appointment, because I do. Its just a thought anyway, I don't plan on doing it.
Because I'm afraid of it ending up like my friend.[/QUOTE]
If you want to meet her as friends then why are you afraid of just acting like friends with her? You don't need to "conveniently" make an appointment at her workplace to hang out.
If you don't want to make it look like a big deal, then don't make it a big deal. By trying to schedule how you ask her to hang out, you are [i]making[/i] it a big deal.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45976003]If you want to meet her as friends then why are you afraid of just acting like friends with her? You don't need to "conveniently" make an appointment at her workplace to hang out.
If you don't want to make it look like a big deal, then don't make it a big deal. By trying to schedule how you ask her to hang out, you are [i]making[/i] it a big deal.[/QUOTE]
Well you do make a point. Oh well, asked her on FB, hopefully she replies back.
And to your first point, I think its because I've never really had an expat friend. I have no idea how they work, since they are so alien to the local populace.
I mean, I've had foreign friends, but not a female, foreign, expat, friend. Plus its alot easier to be open with local people then the foreign ones, because you have alot more common topics to break the ice.
[QUOTE=Ignhelper;45976026]Well you do make a point. Oh well, asked her on FB, hopefully she replies back.
And to your first point, I think its because I've never really had an expat friend. I have no idea how they work, since they are so alien to the local populace.
I mean, I've had foreign friends, but not a female, foreign, expat, friend. Plus its alot easier to be open with local people then the foreign ones, because you have alot more common topics to break the ice.[/QUOTE]
Hah, that would explain a lot. I've moved around so much that I've never [i]not[/i] been a foreigner...
If she's new in your area then I'm sure she'd be very receptive to making new friends. It's always nice to have someone there to help you feel comfortable in a new environment. I'm sure she'll respond to your message once she gets a chance.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45976069]Hah, that would explain a lot. I've moved around so much that I've never [i]not[/i] been a foreigner...
If she's new in your area then I'm sure she'd be very receptive to making new friends. It's always nice to have someone there to help you feel comfortable in a new environment. I'm sure she'll respond to your message once she gets a chance.[/QUOTE]
I hope she does, otherwise, it'll be weird, seeing how she was the one to approach my friend and I and she was extremely friendly.
Like Canadian Friendly.
Is it a bad idea to get involved with a girl you work with?
I know bass guitarists and drummers generally don't get the ladies as much as the guitarists and vocalists, but is there anything I could play on bass that won't ruin my game? I don't mind getting suggested hard songs or beautiful and soft songs.
My proficiency and technicality on bass is probably best described as on the level of The Dance of Eternity - Dream Theater
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