Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT - General - Facepunch Forum

Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

11,088 replies, posted
In This Thread

Damn how do you people meet other people I just just sit around alone and when I do go out I stand around alone/in a group of friends Anytime I try to talk to someone new they are like "uhm do I know you who the fuck are you?" like I already offended them to the point of making a new mortal enemy I'm just curious because people are like "yeah I met some girl and exchanged numbers and yeah" WHERE/HOW

[QUOTE=Glitchman;46105521]Anytime I try to talk to someone new they are like "uhm do I know you who the fuck are you?" like I already offended them to the point of making a new mortal enemy[/QUOTE] pro tip: you didn't

[QUOTE=Glitchman;46105521]Damn how do you people meet other people I just just sit around alone and when I do go out I stand around alone/in a group of friends Anytime I try to talk to someone new they are like "uhm do I know you who the fuck are you?" like I already offended them to the point of making a new mortal enemy I'm just curious because people are like "yeah I met some girl and exchanged numbers and yeah" WHERE/HOW[/QUOTE] are you in college?

[QUOTE=Glitchman;46105521]Damn how do you people meet other people I just just sit around alone and when I do go out I stand around alone/in a group of friends Anytime I try to talk to someone new they are like "uhm do I know you who the fuck are you?" like I already offended them to the point of making a new mortal enemy I'm just curious because people are like "yeah I met some girl and exchanged numbers and yeah" WHERE/HOW[/QUOTE] Just keep talking to people and putting yourself out there because there's going to be some people you just don't click with at all and some people who you can get along with great. Talk to people wherever you have a chance to talk to someone. It doesn't matter how awkward you think it's going to be. Like say you're standing in line somewhere and there's a cute girl in front of you, talk to her. If you're in college, show up to your classes a few minutes early and every day sit beside someone new and start a conversation with them until you find someone you get along with. Hell, if you're in college you can talk to people literally everywhere on campus. Take it from me, someone who's socially awkward as fuck and literally did not talk to girls out of fear of rejection until I was almost 19 years old, it's not that tough to meet people you get along with.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46106771]Just keep talking to people and putting yourself out there because there's going to be some people you just don't click with at all and some people who you can get along with great. Talk to people wherever you have a chance to talk to someone. It doesn't matter how awkward you think it's going to be. Like say you're standing in line somewhere and there's a cute girl in front of you, talk to her. If you're in college, show up to your classes a few minutes early and every day sit beside someone new and start a conversation with them until you find someone you get along with. Hell, if you're in college you can talk to people literally everywhere on campus. Take it from me, someone who's socially awkward as fuck and literally did not talk to girls out of fear of rejection until I was almost 19 years old, it's not that tough to meet people you get along with.[/QUOTE] It's really amazing to me how much you've changed since you first posted here. To Glitchman: Tae covered it pretty well, just remember that your relationships with other people are based on your compatibility with that specific person, not on your individual worth. If you don't get along with someone or they obviously aren't interested in talking to you, it says nothing about your quality as a person - all it means is that maybe you don't click well with that specific person, or haven't given them an impression of yourself that they like. Try not to focus on the long term effects of your conversations with people. Most of the people you talk to you'll probably never interact with again. Don't assume that you're going to become best friends with someone just because you had a good conversation with them.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46107717]remember that your relationships with other people are based on your compatibility with that specific person, not on your individual worth. [/QUOTE] that is a HUGELY important piece of advice, especially for someone scared of rejection

I used to be incredibly self conscious myself because of that. Our self-esteem is often tied to our place in society. It's easy to say "don't care what people think" but that's hard to do when we're social creatures. I think it's better to instead work on your perspective of whose opinions should matter and whose shouldn't. I became a lot more confident when I started tying my self-esteem to my relationships with friends and family rather than those with people I hardly know.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46107717]It's really amazing to me how much you've changed since you first posted here. [/QUOTE] Well I finally decided that if my university is offering free counseling services I should probably take advantage of it so that's really helped even though I've only had one session so far. But other than that, even though things didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped with that girl I liked, I feel like by befriending her it helped me learn how to talk to girls like they're human beings instead of some sort of puzzle you have to figure out and it proved to me that yes, there are girls out there that I can get along with and easily talk to. And I guess when she told me she just wants to be friends, something kind of clicked in my mind that made me decide I should probably try to start meeting more girls so I don't get so attached to one person in the future and it would be a lie to say that's been going great, but I've at least met one new girl recently so I can't really complain. I'm just still struggling with my own advice of fighting the awkwardness and talking to girls wherever and whenever I get the chance. Only shitty thing is I broke my phone and I'm not going to have a phone until the end of next week so it's going to suck if I meet a girl who I find I really click with and can't ask for her number because I don't have a phone. But I guess that's when Facebook becomes useful.

taepodong: most improved LAer '14

This is a bit complicated and I feel like an idiot, but about three months ago a girl started working where I do. At first I thought she was attractive but didn't really think we would be a good match, however she was really into me for a bit. I sort of ignored her flirts for a while and in retrospect I really regret it because now I have a thing for her. She quickly became interested in my good buddy who also works with me and she would talk to me about him constantly. She would ask me why he's sad, why he isn't talking to her and so on. I realized I was not in a good position to tell her how I feel or ask her out, but I did. After I asked her out she told me she "friend zoned" me after she started to like my friend and she likes being friends with me and hanging out but only in a platonic way, which she followed by saying now is sort of bad timing. Since then she rarely talks to me and when she does she's sassy. I would love to be able to say I have other girls that I'm interested in and could just try my luck with others but I don't and I still really like this girl. I don't really know what to think, it seems like she's mad that I expressed myself to her and asked her out but that seems a bit ridiculous to me.

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46108492]Well I finally decided that if my university is offering free counseling services I should probably take advantage of it so that's really helped even though I've only had one session so far. But other than that, even though things didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped with that girl I liked, I feel like by befriending her it helped me learn how to talk to girls like they're human beings instead of some sort of puzzle you have to figure out and it proved to me that yes, there are girls out there that I can get along with and easily talk to. And I guess when she told me she just wants to be friends, something kind of clicked in my mind that made me decide I should probably try to start meeting more girls so I don't get so attached to one person in the future and it would be a lie to say that's been going great, but I've at least met one new girl recently so I can't really complain. I'm just still struggling with my own advice of fighting the awkwardness and talking to girls wherever and whenever I get the chance. Only shitty thing is I broke my phone and I'm not going to have a phone until the end of next week so it's going to suck if I meet a girl who I find I really click with and can't ask for her number because I don't have a phone. But I guess that's when Facebook becomes useful.[/QUOTE] dude so fuckin proud right now

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46106616]are you in college?[/QUOTE] I have a full time job, 27 years old in college I had no problem

[QUOTE=Glitchman;46114287]I have a full time job, 27 years old in college I had no problem[/QUOTE] oh. I have no idea how that would work, then... Hang out with work friends, maybe? Check out [url=www.meetup.com]MeetUp[/url] and join random events with strangers and make friends that way? No idea, dude. Sorry.

Yeah it is definitely easier to meet new people in college and I'm really angry at myself for wasting all of my first year and the better part of my second year being a socially awkward shut-in sperg who just came home from class and gamed all day. And I still do that now because I generally don't leave my room outside of when I have to go to class unless I go to the library to study because there's never anything going on at my university of much interest to me. And fuck being the guy who tries to flirt with girls who are trying to study in the library, everyone hates that guy. Speaking of which, I've always heard that if you do want to meet girls, the library is a decent place to try but how the fuck do you strike up a conversation with someone who's studying without being annoying? And it sucks because every time I go to the library there's always a bunch of really hot girls there.

You wait outside until they leave and then follow them.

What are some ways to become more social and force myself to stop thinking about how others judge me. As long as I remember I have been a quiet person, and I was mostly fine with that. I have kept the same group of friends since junior high. After high school, friends moved away and some just drifted apart. For the last two years I only talked to and visited a few of the remaining old friends every few months. At university I don't talk to anyone and always try to hide somewhere quiet on campus in between classes. I unfairly judge other people without knowing anything about them, which is really fucking bad because I constantly think of others judging everything I do. I cover my notes in class so nobody can see my handwriting, I don't attend tutorials in classes I have trouble with because I don't want to seem stupid for my lack of knowledge. I avoid smiling or showing emotion at all. When I do talk I do it quietly, people can't understand what I am saying most of the time, and I am ignored. Generally I do everything I can to avoid social contact, and everything I can to avoid attracting attention. I can't stand any criticism and throw out assignments and tests that I didn't do well on in some sort of fear that someone will see how bad I did and see how stupid I am. I can't even have a proper conversation with family anymore. On the internet I have trouble posting on forums and chatting in online games, I look over my posts constantly, even if they are totally inconsequential. In a recent incident I dropped a class because it required group lab work. When I attended the first lab, about fifteen minutes in I found out that we had to work together to get the work done and have a TA check it over before continuing at certain points. Upon realizing this I gathered my stuff up, threw out my work and left the room without saying anything. This made me extremely bitter and upset. I wound up going home and just sat in my room, I thought about how almost everyone at university is more social than me and has friends to talk to in and out of class, people to ask for help and eat lunch with. It was the most frustrated I have ever been with myself in years. I have always known that lacking social skills was a problem for me, but it has become very apparent that I need to change, it is affecting my education, and it will just be more and more debilitating as time goes on. It is an unhealthy way to live, and I am not happy with it anymore. I know that like all skills sociability is something I need to build on. I just don't have a great idea of where to start. I assume I will need to force myself into uncomfortable, new situations. I want new experiences, I want new friends, and hell I admit that I want to experience a romantic relationship at some point, I haven't felt attracted to anybody in a very long time. Living life like this is getting unbearable. Honestly it is just nice typing some of this out since I have kept it to myself for so long, even if nobody responds to this or reads this at least I can acknowledge how big of a problem my lack of sociability it is to myself instead of trying to ignore it. At least I have it written down somewhere. I used to assume that the problem would fix itself after certain milestones - at highschool, at university, and after I moved out, but nothing changed for the better, things just got worse. I can't willingly delude myself into believing that things are going to change on their own anymore, or that some easy way out will present itself. In summary since I wound up rambling and got carried away: I am extremely asocial, I have a cold personality, and I need to know how I can become better at handling or instigating social interactions. I would appreciate ideas of things which I can do in the long run in order to become better at interacting with others and to lose my fear of judgement over almost everything I do. As added perspective it took me four hours to hit the post button, and I nearly deleted everything multiple times.

ok, insecure me, bye. secure me, hello. i'm done being insecure, it's ruining me and my girlfriend and it's for no reason. so from now on, i'm gonna be secure.

yeah that'll work

Such a helpful post... Anyways, what I did when facing those issues were identifying and understanding why I felt that way. It's not a simple thing to get over but you can do it, just takes time and whatnot.

I'm saying it's not just a matter of saying "yes i will do this now"

[QUOTE=igamiwarr;46121579]What are some ways to become more social and force myself to stop ...[friendly venting]... multiple times.[/QUOTE] I don't know if this will work for anyone else, but for me it was a turning point very early on in my life when I realised that people are going ot hate me no matter what I do, and everyone judges others, usually for the stupidest reasons. So I just said fuck it :v I just do what makes me happy or seems interesting and disregard how it might affect or be seen by others (and I don't mean like I'm gonna walk across the street and cause a traffick accident.) And it's fine to [I]pre-[/I]judge others, actually. The issue is just don't let that change how you act or really judge them. This seems confusing (and it is), but I'm saying how even though you feel like you'll (pre)judge others, that doesn't matter as long as you can ignore your judgment until you actually meet them and see how they are. As stupid as it sounds, don't let your pre-judgment cloud your actual judgment. Try to watch others or see who is into what interests or hobbies, and try to casually just make a couple of friends. I initially only made literally 2 friends here at my campus, and while they're not best-friends-ever and they're more acquaintances / college-friends, I have at least a half dozen, possibly up to a dozen people that I can at least talk to and chill out with between classes. Simply because of the shared interests and mutual friends. You can't help yourself from how you feel, but you can try to help how you think. So try to just keep the mindset 'well fuck, I'll be judged no matter what I do anyway, might as well try to have fun and enjoy myself!' Or, alternatively, there's also the fact that while many peopel DO judge, it's usually a quick second of a glance and most people around you, on your campus, or anywhere really will just not have the time o care to think about you that much (which is a good thing!) so you can just ignore them as they most likely do to you. Think about it: there are probably thousands of people at your Uni, right? How many different people, even as generally and small-detailed as they may be, can you describe? How many different people can you even describe offhand? i'm guessing not more than a dozen or two—which the same would apply to most other people. [B]So tl;dr[/B] People might judge you, yes, but people will always judge for the stupidest reasons, so you might as well have fun and try to enjoy yourself and do what makes you happy if you're going to be judged regardless—but, they also almost never will be actually paying attention to you in day-to-day commotion & life, so you need not worry. I hope any of this was helpful :v

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46123814]I'm saying it's not just a matter of saying "yes i will do this now"[/QUOTE] of course it isnt, but I have to try.

[QUOTE=igamiwarr;46121579]What are some ways to become more social and force myself to stop thinking about how others judge me. [/QUOTE] Join a club on campus, that kind of helped me. A club related to your major would probably be really helpful because then you'll probably end up meeting people who you'll see in your classes. But believe me, there's no quick fix. I still feel like everyone else is more social than me and I've been dealing with similar issues since I started high school. All you can really do is force yourself to try to talk to people and you'll slowly start to improve your social skills. man it feels so weird for me to actually be giving advice in this thread rather than come in and whining about how im a socially retarded sperg who always gets friendzoned.

[QUOTE=Catscratch;46123947]I don't know if this will work for anyone else, but for me it was a turning point very early on in my life when I realised that people are going ot hate me no matter what I do, and everyone judges others, usually for the stupidest reasons. So I just said fuck it :v I just do what makes me happy or seems interesting and disregard how it might affect or be seen by others (and I don't mean like I'm gonna walk across the street and cause a traffick accident.) And it's fine to [I]pre-[/I]judge others, actually. The issue is just don't let that change how you act or really judge them. This seems confusing (and it is), but I'm saying how even though you feel like you'll (pre)judge others, that doesn't matter as long as you can ignore your judgment until you actually meet them and see how they are. As stupid as it sounds, don't let your pre-judgment cloud your actual judgment. Try to watch others or see who is into what interests or hobbies, and try to casually just make a couple of friends. I initially only made literally 2 friends here at my campus, and while they're not best-friends-ever and they're more acquaintances / college-friends, I have at least a half dozen, possibly up to a dozen people that I can at least talk to and chill out with between classes. Simply because of the shared interests and mutual friends. You can't help yourself from how you feel, but you can try to help how you think. So try to just keep the mindset 'well fuck, I'll be judged no matter what I do anyway, might as well try to have fun and enjoy myself!' Or, alternatively, there's also the fact that while many peopel DO judge, it's usually a quick second of a glance and most people around you, on your campus, or anywhere really will just not have the time o care to think about you that much (which is a good thing!) so you can just ignore them as they most likely do to you. Think about it: there are probably thousands of people at your Uni, right? How many different people, even as generally and small-detailed as they may be, can you describe? How many different people can you even describe offhand? i'm guessing not more than a dozen or two—which the same would apply to most other people. [B]So tl;dr[/B] People might judge you, yes, but people will always judge for the stupidest reasons, so you might as well have fun and try to enjoy yourself and do what makes you happy if you're going to be judged regardless—but, they also almost never will be actually paying attention to you in day-to-day commotion & life, so you need not worry. I hope any of this was helpful :v[/QUOTE] Dude, this makes so much sense. [editline]1st October 2014[/editline] Thank you for posting this.

I don't really talk bout my issues online but here we go: So I've got a female friend whom I've been pretty close with for almost a year. We talked bout everything from relationships to family etc.. I was the only guy friend that she ever had because the others usually ended up hitting on her so thats why she liked me quite a lot. However for the last few days shes been close with an acquaintance of mine who's sitting next to us in the class and I'm just not fond of this situation. It's not that I love her or anything its just that I dont being like someone's "back up" friend or however you call it and I got no idea how to deal with this. Tried to ignore her a bit today, switched seats with another friend of mine with the excuse of hearing the teacher better but seems like she's not fond of it.. I really got no idea what to do because the last time when something like this happened I was the one who got fucked up and ended up taking chill pills. And no, I'm not socially awkward or anything, its just that I just care bout people a lot and thats usually the reason why stuff like this keeps happening I guess. If there's a mistake within the text its just that it's been an exhausting and a really shitty day so I'm sorry about that.

I have a friend in one of my classes who I have never actually talked to IRL but who I've been chatting with through texts and on Steam/battle.net/VoIP for a few weeks (we had each other's numbers because of a group project and started talking there) and I finally talked to him after class today. He always looked kind of unapproachable when I saw him in person but today he had the friendliest smile on while we were chatting and it just made my day. I've been in such a good mood since then.

I was meant to be meeting some girl from tinder today and I was really excited about it since I had a shit night last night. I knew she had been drinking the night before from her snaps and text but I thought that was alright I wake up this morning with a text from her friend saying she's in no state to see me + at 12am she messaged me that she was drunk but I took no notice of that I don't know how to feel but I'll just have to reschedule it It does piss me off that she got shit faced and munted despite the fact she was seeing me tomorrow but then again she may of not anticipated how much she would be consuming Hmm

[QUOTE=AhoyMate;46125551]I don't really talk bout my issues online but here we go: So I've got a female friend whom I've been pretty close with for almost a year. We talked bout everything from relationships to family etc.. I was the only guy friend that she ever had because the others usually ended up hitting on her so thats why she liked me quite a lot. However for the last few days shes been close with an acquaintance of mine who's sitting next to us in the class and I'm just not fond of this situation. It's not that I love her or anything its just that I dont being like someone's "back up" friend or however you call it and I got no idea how to deal with this. Tried to ignore her a bit today, switched seats with another friend of mine with the excuse of hearing the teacher better but seems like she's not fond of it.. I really got no idea what to do because the last time when something like this happened I was the one who got fucked up and ended up taking chill pills. And no, I'm not socially awkward or anything, its just that I just care bout people a lot and thats usually the reason why stuff like this keeps happening I guess. If there's a mistake within the text its just that it's been an exhausting and a really shitty day so I'm sorry about that.[/QUOTE] Just because you are good friends doesn't mean you get a monopoly on their time and they can't talk to anyone else without you passive aggressively ignore them, what are you doing dude. You arn't a "back up friend" just because they have multiple friends? Friendship isn't a monogamous relationship

I got rear ended when I was on my way to work today and this pretty cute looking girl gets out of the car. We exchange information, then she tells me as I start to leave that she can't pay for it, that it was her birthday, and that she's worried about all this because she just got her car back from the shop. So I told her not to worry about it right now. I mean I didn't know what else to say. She then asked me if there was anything she could do that could convince me to not call her insurance company. I mean I could see the tears starting to form, but at the same time I couldn't tell if it was genuine. So I repeated myself. I mean, what was I supposed to say? That I don't want the back of my car fixed? Everyone who I've told this to has said, "Dude ask her out." or "it sounds like a start to a porn video." Which sounds nice and all, but I am pretty sure none of that is genuine advice. The back of my car is relatively fine, it looks like nothing more than a dent and a new coat of paint. But I don't want to get sweet talked out of getting it fixed either. If anyone was mentally shook up, it was her. So what do I do?

So now that I'm getting better at socializing I'm realizing what my issue with not being able to attract girls is. I have no fucking idea how to flirt. And I feel like because I don't know how to flirt, girls don't pick up on me being interested until I tell them and to them it just seems out of the blue because I haven't been giving any signs before. So seriously, how does flirting work?

Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.