Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46146353]WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE OVERTHINKING
HOW...HOW COULD THIS BE LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT THE FACT THAT SHE WANTS YOUR NUMBER
SHE WANTS TO PUT YOUR BONE INSIDE OF HER, STOP OVERTHINKNG[/QUOTE]
guess it's go time for me then
maybe ive been ignoring obvious signs, like her walking up and saying hi to me and wanting to hug me almost every time she sees me
ive never had a girl do that before to me, or ever, in fact now that i realize it
The only time I can ever truly remember a girl being fairly obviously into me was when I was 16. But she was fucking weird, texting me and asking if I'm circumcised and shit like that.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/S9LUZRi.png[/IMG]
ex gf wants me to go to her birthday party :/
I actually am working, but I don't know if I would go anyways. It sucks having to say no to someone.
She keeps messaging me despite us having broken up 3 weeks ago. I've only responded (short sentences) to be respectful, which sucks because it makes me feel like a dick. It was one of those 'it works for you but doesn't work for me' relationships, where I wasn't happy with where I was, but she was. It only makes things harder because there's a good chance she still likes me and whatnot.
I mean I've moved on, definitely. I need to let the dust settle if I was to find someone else, but unlike my old ex (who just stopped staying in contact with literally everyone and dropped off the face of the earth when she moved to Canada and pissed everyone she knew off, not related to our relationship), this is something new where I have to deal with her [I]still being around.[/I]​
[B]Edit:[/B] Not really asking for advice, really just wanted to share it with someone. It seems weird. She was really cool, but I don't think she was the one.
But I would like to know is, how can you get back into the relationship scene if your ex is around?
are you familiar with the D.E.N.N.I.S system?
skip straight to S
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46151058]are you familiar with the D.E.N.N.I.S system?
skip straight to S[/QUOTE]
I just looked it up and that's so depressing :v:
That feeling of meeting someone from a mutual friend through text chat and finding out that they're actually really fucking cool (but will not have a chance to physically meet until way down the road). I just made a new friend today.
I don't feel the need to share this.
[QUOTE=Psygo;46154389]after breaking up with my girlfriend I feel I need to get out and make friends, I have no fucking clue where to go or what to do.
I feel most of the young people here in denmark, all they do is go and get drunk.
I'm starting school on the 13th, that might help a bit, till then I don't really know what to do other than stick around at home and talk to my internet friends.
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
I just feel so lonely man.[/QUOTE]
Dude I know the feeling. There are days where I'm hanging around at a table packed with my 'friends' but I feel utterly alone. I honestly don't have any advice for you though as we're literally in the same place. When the best night I've had in 3 months is me hanging out with some friends who are only around for a week, I kind of realized how much I don't really want to hang with some of the other people I know as much.
That along with the fact that most of the people I know don't understand and cannot begin to comprehend what I like to do in my spare time. I don't want to sound like a dick, but it's kind of true, and the only people who understand are a bunch of nerds whom I am not inclined to talk with anyways. (I'm one of those /not so awkward to talk to/ compsci majors)
My above post...
well, the person I'm talking about is from the other side of the world.
Have a hug.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/XGVQpb4.png[/IMG]
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
Don't get me wrong though, internet friends are great, but unless you've got some way to eventually be with them physically (not talking strictly women here), most of them tend to die out or break contact after some time.
​don't need to share this either.
[QUOTE=Psygo;46154487]the weirdest part is I don't even feel like talking to her, she's the one who broke up with me, but I fully understood her.
When I got with her my life was about having a laugh and not giving a shit about much, I was pretty confident in myself. Some things happened and I've turned sour man.
Not her fault at all, it was something nobody really thought of, and it was realized too late by myself.
But after this last time of visiting her, she said some things that really made me realize that it's my fault not hers.
I always thought she was the one not communicating even though she said what she wanted, and I was the one walking on ice scared of saying what I wanted. I wish I could've had that one last chance.
honestly I don't know where to go from here at all. I feel like I'll get stuck in it probably.
before I got with her we were really good friends, and I had feelings for her, that I tried simply getting over.
Then she just came at me, I didn't know what to do or say, but somehow I ended up in another country and us going back and forth quite a lot. I think I'll miss that excitement of going to meet my SO in another country.
I miss her so much, but I don't even know what I'd talk about if she was still here with me.
I think she grew away from me. I honestly think I'm better off without her, but I just wish she was still with me. It's all such a mess and I wish she could just be with me again so I could stop thinking about it.[/QUOTE]
You know, here's the thing:
About a year and a half ago, I met this girl. It wasn't even that someone introduced us, we simply had mutual friends. She was kind of cute, and anytime I waved at her, she was really comical and seemed like a really fun person to be around. As we started to get to know eachother more, (quick info, she was an international student) she told me she was returning to her home country after the semester was over (it was half over). We decided to be just friends, and next thing I knew, we were making out on the couch after supposedly having planned to just watch a movie. The end of the semester rolls around and this girl and I had an understanding of eachother that I've never even thought could happen. We were the closest friends, and I had hoped to fucking god she could stay another semester. We both take the trip to the airport and stay in the city for a couple days to check out some of the places. The moment when we wake up, grab her stuff, and I help her to the airport shuttle was one of the worst fucking times in my life. She left in less than 30 seconds and there I was, standing alone in the middle of San Francisco. I was miserable and hated life.
Without going into too much detail, I did get over her, and I did learn things from that relationship. I don't regret a single thing, and I hold those memories forever, despite some of them being distant and cold. I feel as if some of those good times are something that will never return, but as we will statistically not be together again, there's no point to dwell.
There are other fish in the sea, and with time, you will come to understand that she is not the only one that is special in life. There are others.
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
Dude no one's going to fucking laugh at you, I know how you feel exactly. When you wake up feeling like shit, life's not worthwhile, and no one's worth the time of day, I totally feel you. I mean fuck, we've all had those times, it's just that no one ever talks about it.
How you see life is how life is. If you're frustrated, take it out on something constructive. It's not as if this is how life will be forever, trust me on that.
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Psygo;46154487]I honestly think I'm better off without her, but I just wish she was still with me. It's all such a mess and I wish she could just be with me again so I could stop thinking about it.[/QUOTE]
My thoughts exactly after my old girlfriend left the country.
It goes away. You'll soon realize that what didn't happen wasn't meant to be.
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
You're only on this planet for so long, so play the cards you have, don't dwell on what you could have done or what you had. Hindsight has 20-20 vision, but take everything as a learning experience and less as an emotional curveball. It's bound to be both, and everyone needs that time to feel terrible for a while, but you can only have a pity party for so long before it gets out of hand.
I'm going to quote SomethingAwful here, even though I don't know if that's allowed or not. Let me grab that quote...
[editline]5th October 2014[/editline]
When I was dealing with this shit, this is what I found on SA to be somewhat helpful.
[quote]The Breakup Phase
So you’ve found yourself in an irreconcilable romantic affair and those fateful words are on the tip of you or your current partner’s lips. Here is the first rule to guide you along the path of least pain, and how to take bad news like a champ.
Just got dumped?
Rule 1: The Relationship Is Over
You tried to work it out, remember? But there’s nothing, and now they’re breaking up with you. The relationship is over. This is the reality. If they’re telling you it’s just a “break”, or “we’ll see what happens in the future”, “I still love you”… it’s still over. If they don’t want to work it out together, you’re not together.
[/quote]
[quote]Rule 2: Sever Contact With Your Ex
Before you argue, head right down to Erratta: Can I Be Friends With My Ex?, then find yourself right back here.
Think about how all of your emotional turmoil is tied up with the relationship between you and one person (and possibly their family and friends). You think staying in touch will help you get over that? No. Take a break from confronting both the source and reminders of that turmoil. Don’t call, text, email, read Facebook updates, visit, or have sex with your ex. Block their Facebook (not “hide feed,” not “unfriend”). Block their email and cell. If you live with your ex, move out. If you work with them, consider a transfer. If you share friends, spend time with other friends. Tell the people you spend time with that you want to minimize reminders, discussion, and anything else relating to your ex (unless you need to bitch. Limited venting can be cathartic if you don’t piss your friends off with too much).[/quote]
[quote]Rule 3: Go Do Something Normal With Yourself and Friends
During the immediate post-dump, it can be a challenge to reign in those feelings. Sitting at home, sulking, stewing over the issues of the breakup, and wallowing in your despair will keep you right where you are. Find a new hobby or re-find your old ones. Go outside. Go out with friends, dance a jig, run a mile, anything. Few or no friends? Make some. Focus on short-term goals. Also, figure out the most productive time of day while you’re in this funk, and schedule your time for both good activities and letting your emotions run rampant. Sometimes you just can’t get over it, so allow yourself a little time for that.
Don't do anything rash. Don't join the army, sell all your worldly possessions, or do anything that could have lasting, regrettable effects on your life.[/quote]
If you're lonely, make some short term goals, stick to them. You'll feel infinitely better knowing that you're actually moving forward in life rather than being stuck feeling awful. This has personally worked for me, so I'm not just talking out of my ass here.
not needed either.
Just updating: I found an apartment. Really nice place in a safe location, kind of upscale but my parents are paying for it and OK with that. Move-in date is scheduled for Wednesday and my ex offered to help me move my furniture over (just a mattress and piano and whatever boxes I have ready to move that day).
I haven't actually lived on my own before so I'm really excited.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46158961]Just updating: I found an apartment. Really nice place in a safe location, kind of upscale but my parents are paying for it and OK with that. Move-in date is scheduled for Wednesday and my ex offered to help me move my furniture over (just a mattress and piano and whatever boxes I have ready to move that day).
I haven't actually lived on my own before so I'm really excited.[/QUOTE]
It seems like crappy things are happening to all the online people I know, so it's really nice to hear this is going well for you so far and it makes my day a bit better too! Keep us updated when you can : ) It seems like a lot of the regulars from here have pretty much left at this point
Living on your own is cool until someone starts entering your routine.
No I'm not getting up at 8am on a Saturday to get coffee, go and make yourself some or roll the fuck over n go back to sleep.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;46159888]It seems like crappy things are happening to all the online people I know, so it's really nice to hear this is going well for you so far and it makes my day a bit better too! Keep us updated when you can : ) It seems like a lot of the regulars from here have pretty much left at this point[/QUOTE]
Thanks! (: I'm glad to hear that I'm not rambling too much about my personal life here right now, haha. This thread does seem more dead than it was a few months ago...
Also I talked to my ex today and he seems to be doing really well. His friend threw him a "break-up party" with 60+ people, most who were from a sorority at his university. He spared me the details but apparently he spent the night with two half-naked girls duct taped to him. He's been out since yesterday hanging out with all his friends. A tiny part of me is jealous but mostly I'm just happy for him. He seems like he's having a lot of fun getting out and living his life now, and hopefully once I get my living situation sorted out I'll be able to do the same. One of my friends is flying down in a few weeks to spend some time with me and uh, help me get... settled in... so I think we're both moving on pretty well.
We talked for a while a couple nights ago and kind of came to the agreement that both of us were holding back the other in some ways, and that both of us would benefit from this. He actually thanked me for having the courage to address it instead of just continuing our relationship. I think both of our lives are already improving a lot and neither of us are dwelling on what happened, so I think we'll be able to stay good friends.
I didn't expect anything less from you, but it's great to see how gracefully you can handle a breakup. Good to see that it's working out really well for both of you, I'm sure it'll suck for a while but you're convinced it's for the best and I'm sure you're right.
I don't know your relationship, but how likely is it that you two will be able to remain good friends? It seems to go either way with long-ish relationships, either one side can't be comfortable staying friends because feelings are still there, or you knew each other for so long that you're completely fine transitioning back to good friends.
Thank you. My ex's best friend's mom is a counselor and he talked to her a bit the other day and she was the one who advised we have another conversation reflecting on this. It ended up being a huge help and source of closure for both of us.
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46161187]I don't know your relationship, but how likely is it that you two will be able to remain good friends? It seems to go either way with long-ish relationships, either one side can't be comfortable staying friends because feelings are still there, or you knew each other for so long that you're completely fine transitioning back to good friends.[/QUOTE]
I would say it's quite likely at this point. We've still been talking regularly (because I've needed a bit of help from him in getting ready to move) and we're both already bouncing back from what happened. I've honestly been completely fine for the past couple days because I've been so preoccupied about moving, and my ex told me on the phone today that last night was the best night of his life and that he's resolved to start enjoying life (which makes me happy for him because he never seemed truly happy before). Considering that it's only been three days and we're both already feeling happy again and enjoying our lives more than we did before, I'm sure we'll be able to stay friends without it being painful for either of us.
Good for you! I feel like I could have salvaged my last relationship if we'd have talked about it a bit more, sadly I didn't and now she's gone. We were great friends for more than a decade, too.
Then again, I don't know if I would have been able to do it anyway...shit sucks, yo.
but hey, that's the price you pay for relationships and i'm glad that it happened, even if it means now we're not really friends anymore
I feel like my relationship is very one sided, like my girlfriend doesn't really take initiative to do anything. By now I'm starting to feel like she's avoiding me on purpose. Like even the smallest stuff like watching a football game together, had to invite two of my friends before she would even agree to go; or even so much as texting me at all. Should I just stop taking initiative until she does?
Found my old ipod touch with pictures of my old high school girl friend. Also had messages on there too. It's so weird now seeing it almost two years later. I recently found out that her sister got married to the guy she was dating while we were together. It's a shame that I don't get to hear from her. She was the first everything. When she found out about me seeing my most recent ex she was angry. I mean absolutely furious. I think in the time we've been apart she's been in relationships that lasted for a couple months or weeks. A couple people said she's on campus actually. I don't want to get back together with her. I know we are too different. I just wondered if anyone has had success with getting back together with their ex currently and if the relationship has gotten any better than before.
I'm starting to step back and look at things more and I realize I do not have a personality. Well I do, I just find it difficult to talk to people in person and I just come out as having the personality of a rock. Whereas online, I find it easier to express myself and not be so boring. For example, there's a girl from Ukraine who I met online who I talk to on Facebook all the time and I feel like I can talk to her like a normal person, if only because through text I have time to think about what I'm saying, and as a result she actually seems to really like talking to me and has even gone as far as suggesting we talk on Skype, which we're probably going to do soon so we'll see if it's just as easy to talk to her then as it is to talk to her through text. Assuming I don't have trouble understanding her because she writes English well, but says she can't speak it that well.
A few months ago I would have said something stupid like "hurrdurr canadian girls are bitches ukrainian girls are actually nice" but I know it's because I have trouble speaking and just end up coming across as having no personality, whereas I can change that through text and it's easier to let my real personality out, so to speak and therefore not be such a boring person. How do I fix this?
And if you're wondering, no, I'm not trying to have a long distance relationship with this Ukrainian girl. We did kind of imply that we'd go on a date with each other if we didn't live so far away, but I'm being pretty realistic knowing that a relationship over such a long distance is most likely doomed to failure. Not that I'd complain if a long distance relationship would be how it ends up, but I'm not actively pursuing that.
[QUOTE=WitheredGryphon;46161569]I feel like my relationship is very one sided, like my girlfriend doesn't really take initiative to do anything. By now I'm starting to feel like she's avoiding me on purpose. Like even the smallest stuff like watching a football game together, had to invite two of my friends before she would even agree to go; or even so much as texting me at all. Should I just stop taking initiative until she does?[/QUOTE]
Have you considered maybe she didnt want to watch football? :v:
Anyway, we can theorize all you like but the best thing you can do is ask her about it in a non acusatory way. Simply "are you ok?" And "are we ok?" are a good starting point
i've got a weird situation developing and i feel like i'm an asshole even though i'm not, really
so our university has a subreddit and someone posted something like "help how do i make friends" and so I was like "hey i'll be your friend, let's get lunch"
well, turns out she's a girl and she's actually pretty cool. we've been texting and stuff just chatting over the weekend. it's turned to flirting and i'm okay with that but i don't know what she looks like and i can't think of a way to bring that up without it sounding weird, and the asshole part of me keeps thinking like "man i hope she's not ugly/fat/has two limbs/etc" and i know that shouldn't matter but we all know it does and i don't know what to do
we're meeting up for lunch on wednesday, probably, so i guess i don't really need to wait that long to find out, but i'm scared that there will be a weird scenario where i create what she looks like in my head and then i find out she doesn't look like that and i'll be visibly disappointed and that'll make her angry and so many weird variables that don't matter and can't possibly be figured out oh god help
just don't worry about it, go in expecting somebody bad looking and you'll probably be relieved that she really wasn't.
how many actually ugly girls are there even out there?
I'd say not that many.
also I'm somewhat quickly I guess getting over my girlfriend, but I have no idea where to go to meet people, as far as I know Denmark is just a bunch of drunks at my age, no clue where to go.
[QUOTE=Psygo;46162553]
how many actually ugly girls are there even out there?
I'd say not that many.[/QUOTE]
[URL="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Triton%20Eye"]well let's just say we've coined a term at our school[/URL]
[QUOTE=Rhenae;46162367]Have you considered maybe she didnt want to watch football? :v:
Anyway, we can theorize all you like but the best thing you can do is ask her about it in a non acusatory way. Simply "are you ok?" And "are we ok?" are a good starting point[/QUOTE]
I was just using football as an example. I can list many more, such as going out to eat, going out on a walk, hanging out at one of our places, or doing anything in particular.
And yes I tried the whole rigmarole of "are you ok" earlier and she got pissed at me asking "why's everyone asking me if I'm ok today." Clarified she just seemed down at the time and dropped it.
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46162563][URL="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Triton%20Eye"]well let's just say we've coined a term at our school[/URL][/QUOTE]
So you two have been texting, do you know her name? If you do then you could always just look her up.
Usually when two people meet, the exchange of names is customary.
Tried that, couldn't find her on facebook. Checked the name along with people who go to the school but she didn't set it as her school, apparently. for all I know she doesn't have one.
Oh well, I know she's cool so if she's some sort of weird mutant blob at least we can be friends and everyone wants friends
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46162512]i've got a weird situation developing and i feel like i'm an asshole even though i'm not, really
so our university has a subreddit and someone posted something like "help how do i make friends" and so I was like "hey i'll be your friend, let's get lunch"
well, turns out she's a girl and she's actually pretty cool. we've been texting and stuff just chatting over the weekend. it's turned to flirting and i'm okay with that but i don't know what she looks like and i can't think of a way to bring that up without it sounding weird, and the asshole part of me keeps thinking like "man i hope she's not ugly/fat/has two limbs/etc" and i know that shouldn't matter but we all know it does and i don't know what to do
we're meeting up for lunch on wednesday, probably, so i guess i don't really need to wait that long to find out, but i'm scared that there will be a weird scenario where i create what she looks like in my head and then i find out she doesn't look like that and i'll be visibly disappointed and that'll make her angry and so many weird variables that don't matter and can't possibly be figured out oh god help[/QUOTE]
Looks do matter to some extent.
[editline]6th October 2014[/editline]
It's when that's the only criteria is when it's an issue
[editline]6th October 2014[/editline]
You're not an asshole and that's totally something I'd worry about. Only way to find out is to meet up.
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