Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
I just talked to a really hot girl in one of my classes and other than first starting the conversation it wasn't awkward at all. I even managed to flirt with her a bit. Didn't get a chance to ask for her number or ask if she wanted to get to know each other outside of class though because she was in a hurry to get to her next class.
well on the plus side, you know where to find her
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46253418]well on the plus side, you know where to find her[/QUOTE]
Dude did you find out what that girl wanted yet?
oh yeah she just wanted to get coffee in between her classes
i had to explain to her that men are programmed to fear the phrase "can we talk" regardless of the relationship between them and the person asking
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46253592]oh yeah she just wanted to get coffee in between her classes
i had to explain to her that men are programmed to fear the phrase "can we talk" regardless of the relationship between them and the person asking[/QUOTE]
I don't understand how that's a phrase to fear? It's exactly what it says on the tin if there isn't any context
-snip-
I have talkative periods where i go from 0-60 and stay there for an hour. Doesn't happen that often but usually it's because I'm enjoying the company of whoever's around me and want to just talk about a ton of shit I find interesting that I think they would also find interesting, but that's not really how it should work so I've had to work on holding back a bit. If you find someone else who can actually keep up the conversation at that speed, more power to you. Those are my favorite people to talk to, but they're usually few and far between.
[editline]16th October 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=metallics;46253671]I don't understand how that's a phrase to fear? It's exactly what it says on the tin if there isn't any context[/QUOTE]
Well it's a weird way to phrase it for her, normally it's something like "hey, i'm bored between classes. let's get some coffee and chill" so seeing "hey can we talk tomorrow?" was unsettling
plus the last time a female friend said that to me it was because she just found out she was pregnant and didn't know what to do with her life so i'm a bit wary
I do tend to hold myself back a lot, as I don't want to become irritating or anything. I'm thankfully quite funny, so I haven't been branded "the annoying idiot who doesn't shut up".
I am sure the reason I'm like this now is because I've spent the past 2 years not really in a social atmosphere. Two years ago, I was on my own in the middle east, and a year ago, I was in a foundation year full of international, second-language English speakers, and I can definitely relate to what you said about enjoying peoples' company and talking a lot because of it.
What do you guys think about long distance relationships? We've been talking for a few weeks now and we just seem to click, like I've not felt this way about a chick in a long long time. We're both in College and live about 2:30-3:00 hours away but we've not yet met.. Now this girl is perfect, alot sexier than the birds around here and she is really smart.
Do you think it's honestly worth of trying to carry this on despite the long distance, I mean it's going to cost like £50 a train there and back and seeing as how I'm unemployed it will be an issue for the time being.
Cheers bb's <3
[QUOTE=Thug;46254104]What do you guys think about long distance relationships? We've been talking for a few weeks now and we just seem to click, like I've not felt this way about a chick in a long long time. We're both in College and live about 2:30-3:00 hours away but we've not yet met.. Now this girl is perfect, alot sexier than the birds around here and she is really smart.
Do you think it's honestly worth of trying to carry this on despite the long distance, I mean it's going to cost like £50 a train there and back and seeing as how I'm unemployed it will be an issue for the time being.
Cheers bb's <3[/QUOTE]
I've been in an LDR for four years (England/Denmark) and it works very well for both of us, but we're not most people. LDR's are very difficult because if you aren't getting communication and trust completely right- you don't have a relationship. It's worth really thinking about whether it can make -you- happy, and whether it meets your needs (as well as hers)
Sorry to sound irritating, but it is naive of you to say she's perfect when you've never met her, meeting someone you know online in real life can be quite surprising
So if a girl doesn't try to keep conversation, both in person and through text, and often claims to be busy without explanation, I can assume she is completely uninterested in getting to know me?
This girl in question was at my dorm for a small party I hosted and we ended up sharing my bed, and while we laid awake for a part of the night we had a deep discussion about our views and personalities, which is when I came to the conclusion that she is a lot like me, which sparked my interest.
But I guess it seems like she's uninterested. Oh well, I guess.
i mean she might just be the kind of person who expects you to not question when she says she's busy, which is annoying but those people do exist
but generally yeah if they're not trying to keep the conversation going at all, then i'd say that's a warning
Yesterday, this girl that I'm into messaged me before my job interview, telling me good luck. Then she messaged me after it, asking how it went. We talked about it for a while, and then she started talking about how they just booked a prom hall or something, and I asked more about it but she had to get on a train so she told me "ttyl". I never got a message back, should I just initiate another conversation tonight?
[B]Huge wall of text inbound. - grab a cup of coffee
[/B]
Although this may be semi-related with the subjects debated here, I feel I should share this with you because I shared a lot here and people been caring enough about each other's problems. Oh well, I'll format it the best I can.
[B]From the beginning:[/B]
5 years ago I started a degree in Electrical Engineering at the university I currently study in. I was accustomed to the environment of high school and I adapted miserably to the ambient at university.
Basically my first year there was terrible, my mind was some place else, I felt unsupervised, therefore I felt I could do whatever I wanted so started going out, playing videogames like crazy, dating weird girls and whatnot, I was so happy to be in university that I kinda lost track of reality. I was basically so high on myself that my parents were basically the enemy that was keeping me, a 18 year old teenager from having fun. Therefore I hid every aspect of my academic performance from them and everyone only disclosing that everything was going alright. A dirty lie obviously.
Not surprisingly only did 1 subject per semester that year: Computer Assisted Drawing and Calculus I. The rest went down the drain.
Since my parents were the ones paying my tuition you can imagine how they reacted.
The thing is, I didn't stop there. I was always looking from something else. Getting away from my responsibilities because I felt I could just post pone everything, that I would catch up in the end. Always getting away from successful colleagues, burying my head in the sand every time we needed to do an assignment. My mind was in a place of my own to the point that I would just forgot to subscribe to tests or to go assignment presentations and discussions because... I don't know... I was either sleeping in my bed or my head was on the clouds for some reason and I would simply not go. And the scariest part was, I was totally ok with this.
I started living in my own illusion to the point that I would find every excuse to get away from responsibility. Started hypocritically blaming university, professors, my parents, the fact that the degree was too scientific and I wanted something more industrial, etc...
So, my second year was another mess, first semester did 1 subject and blamed it on the fact that my girlfriend at the time had left me, second semester I did nothing... Invented an excuse that I wanted to take some industry course instead but didn't actually started it.
So I got used to failing all the time, and I felt allright because everytime someone would ask me about university I'd tell them "It's all ok" or that I was on the 3rd or 4th year when in fact I was still doing the first year after 2 years there. And thus started to live and believe in a lie of my own.
And here started the beginning of my downfall as a student, and the downfall of my life these 5 years. Started breaking all my hobbies, isolating myself from everyone, because as time went by I avoided people asking about my life, specially my degree. I would tell them "well, I had some issues at the beginning because I was thinking about changing..."
The thing is, living inside a lie of our own takes a huge toll in our self esteem, because deep inside there's a voice remembering us of how wrong we are, and that voice pounded my heart every night. So I would either feel miserable, angry or just stupidly happy when I'd find some friend at uni.
People usually ask me why didn't I seek help sooner. Well, I was unhappy, I just didn't know it yet. Sometimes I'd be angry, sometimes sad, but other times my lie would take over and everything was alright again. I'd tell myself "I can do it" and all the problems seemed to go away.
However, getting used to evade responsibility leads to procrastination. And every time I needed some serious studying I'd just hide from it and started playing videogames.
Videogames started being my escape plan for everything, to the point that compulsory gaming and internet browsing became my safe place for isolation.
And this is where things started getting pretty lonely for me. At this point I've been 4/5 years in uni. Still in between first and second year.
Feelings of loneliness, the fact that nobody understood me, complete helplessness...
Started not being able to wake up in the morning because I didn't want to face the day. Getting up became a battle I could not win anymore. Hobbies because dull and lame tasks. Never finished what I started. And even things like personal hygiene seemed so pointless and so time consuming. Things like taking a bath, shaving, brushing my teeth became so painfully boring.
Needless to say maintaining a romantic relationship was just hopeless.
I'd set up a time to go to bed, didn't study till then but kept browsing my PC, jumping from game to game before the time ran out. To the point I would go to bed frustrated at how unfair it was that another day passed and I didn't do shit. Studying seemed too boringly painful to do too.
I would start attending to classes at the beginning of the semester, for instance, there was this programming class I would attend where there were weekly evaluations. And as soon as something went wrong with my programming or as soon as I would fall behind I'd just stop going out of panic.
I remember waking up on a Wednesday to go on one of these evaluations, I arrived at the class's door and turned back and left. Catching the train back home and remembered that I was feeling so numb that I wasn't one bit worried that skipping that class would cost me failing the class for the rest of the semester.
Then I got used to failing all the time and running away from life. It became normal for me.
Until I would notice that I would go out with my friends from my city or I would browse facebook and there were my colleagues that entered the same year I did getting graduated.
I would go out with friends from my city my age. People I did high school with and they are all finishing, doing their thesis, doing internships and whatnot. All talking about it, all extremely confident and within their areas of expertise and I would find myself without nothing to say about myself. Empty. Isolated.
And when I realized this, the illusion bubble popped and suddenly I'm 23 years old and I'm still in the second year of university with still 2 first year subjects to do. And I have no credibility before my colleagues and my parents. Hell, I even got used to people making fun of me because of my poor performance.
I reached a point where now I'm just devastated. So I started depressing and crying out for help with the strengths I still had left. I was tired of suffering, of being alone and of living in a lie.
And this is where these summer vacations were decisive because my friends became aware of what was going on with me and I took upon me the responsibility of making a decision. I would either shape up and finish what I've started or I would just change my degree or institution.
Now that uni started in September I'm doing 4 subjects. Already opened up with my parents and friends to a full extent. But letting out 5 years of repressed emotions takes a toll. Spent September and early October crying over what I did to myself for 5 years. The feeling of wasting 5 years of my life doing nothing, feeling useless is overwhelming and difficult to live with. Specially when you take a decisive decision to STAY at uni, do the 4 subjects I have to do this semester, all of them and stick with the plan.
There's always the temptation to go back to old habits, but I'm not more conscious and more willing to be honest about myself.
I started doing therapy with the uni's psychologist and she's been very helpful.
I think this semester is definitely being my turning point into success.
Already did 1 subject due to an extraordinary exam. And it was tough and I passed. So 3 more to go.
My second test did go terrible but I'm surprised that I'm fully aware of what I need to do to surpass the bad grade I'm about to get. I'm more conscious in class and I haven't skipped a single class so far.
I think there is hope for me now and I feel extremely relieved.
I took a huge 5 year weight off my shoulders and now there's space to live a normal life.
I'm learning to live again, despite the time wasted and it's good. Getting up is still a battle and sometimes I feel I'm not gonna make it. But I feel the support of everyone and I feel that I can make it. now.
However, I still get assaulted by the emptyness of 5 years wasted, I still cry and it's still painful.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;46261857][I][B]Huge wall of text[/B][/I][/QUOTE]
I can relate, bud.
I made a mistake one time that completely screwed the way I saw myself. The shame and hatred I felt towards myself were unbearable, so I started punishing myself by dropping everything dear in my life. I had stopped studying, doing homeworks, having meaningful relationships with others. All I did was smoke alone and sit around, I couldn't be bothered to do my duties.
This went on for five years, and it kept getting worse with each day. One day I had made up my mind that I was no way worthy of living life, and attempted suicide. I didn't have the balls to, and that made me feel even more useless than I already was. I had reached rock bottom.
That was the point where I said: "It can't get worse than this." And it did not. From that perspective, everything was better. From that point onwards I underwent a drastic change: I became more selfish, and more proud of who I were and the things I could do right. I got out of depression alone, so I must be strong, I thought.
I like to think that my life had stopped since I had stopped living, and only resumed once I started being self-conscious. Now I've got good friends and my girlfriend, who can help me out if I ever need it.
However, the fact that I have wasted half a decade of my life means so much more now than I previously thought. During that time, I had become lazy. Very lazy. Like I said, no duties, only hobbies. And even now, when I wish to do more, to study more, those old habits are stronger than my will. And I feel undervalued. I could get highest mark in every subject if I wanted to, but being lazy got cyphered into my DNA and I barely do the minimum still, and it makes me feel awful.
Hopefully you can recover well from your past. I wish you the best of luck.
Is "it's complicated" a code word for "Sorry but I don't love you"?
slow down there buddy
[editline]17th October 2014[/editline]
what's going on
Well, a few pages back I was complaining about not being able to talk to that girl in my class. But I happened to get a chance to ask her for her tumblr (just for shits and giggles because the discussion in our class was about blogging) and then she sent me a message saying she thought I was pretty cute. And now we've been talking and texting a lot and we already went on one coffee date and I felt like both of us just didn't want to leave each other. Idk it's a nice feeling I've never felt before.
if you meant love in the "relationship" sense then you need to take a step back and think aout what you're saying
if you meant it in the "i don't really like x about you or you as a whole" then that's a different story
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;46261857][B]Huge wall of text inbound. - grab a cup of coffee
[/B]
Although this may be semi-related with the subjects debated here, I feel I should share this with you because I shared a lot here and people been caring enough about each other's problems. Oh well, I'll format it the best I can.
[/QUOTE]
I can relate to a certain extent, after high school I took a year off and did nothing with it, then in my first year of university I only finished two courses (with terrible marks). I can't imagine how hard it was for you after five years, since I was pretty much fucked after two. It is incredibly hard to adjust after a long period of laziness, and it is really frustrating to look back on time and money wasted. It is hard to ignore the fact that people you know have surpassed you, I have a cousin and several people I know from high school doing the same degree as me and they will be finished in a year.
I am very glad to hear that you are getting help and that you are trying hard to change for the better, it actually gives me quite a bit of hope given my current situation, since I am struggling not to fall into my old habits as well.
Oh and to the people who responded to my post a couple of pages ago thanks for the responses, I forced myself to go join a club and it was the most fun I have had in university since I started.
[QUOTE=igamiwarr;46265496]I forced myself to go join a club and it was the most fun I have had in university since I started[/QUOTE]
that's always a good plan
even if it's a nerdy/shitty club you'll still meet people
i'm on our IM Dodgeball team and I'm a copy editor for our biggest newspaper which means i'm possibly the dorkiest person on the campus but i don't care at all and that's what's important
Thank you guys for the support. It really means a lot to know there are people out there going through the same and that understand what I'm going through. It's really a huge relief.
[QUOTE=igamiwarr;46265496]I can relate to a certain extent, after high school I took a year off and did nothing with it, then in my first year of university I only finished two courses (with terrible marks). I can't imagine how hard it was for you after five years, since I was pretty much fucked after two. It is incredibly hard to adjust after a long period of laziness, and it is really frustrating to look back on time and money wasted. It is hard to ignore the fact that people you know have surpassed you, I have a cousin and several people I know from high school doing the same degree as me and they will be finished in a year.
I am very glad to hear that you are getting help and that you are trying hard to change for the better, it actually gives me quite a bit of hope given my current situation, since I am struggling not to fall into my old habits as well.
Oh and to the people who responded to my post a couple of pages ago thanks for the responses, I forced myself to go join a club and it was the most fun I have had in university since I started.[/QUOTE]
Since my uni's close to the beach I'm thinking about joining surf classes there.
All this time, lack of self esteem also explains a lot about how unsuccessful my love and social life has been these years, so I'm finding myself surrounded by people that enjoy my company at university and seek me out but I just don't like them. (mainly nerds from the board gaming group) I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything but they suck as friends and sometimes I feel ashamed or uncomfortable about the awkward conversations they have.
So joining another group of active and sportive people might change that a bit.
I mean getting away from people you don't like is pretty easy, however I still have to put up with stumbling upon them at the metro and having to put up with people I don't like talking about their latest interests (anime, video games, whatever) that I don't really care about. For example I met this guy at the board gaming group that's extremely obnoxious and throws out really vulgar sexist jokes out loud around everyone. If not sexist then usually dirty sex related unfunny stuff. And I'm usually making a huge effort to be nice to him while fantasizing about punching him in the teeth.
There's another one that really sticky, he finds me at the line to the mess hall and just immediately gets really close to me talking about things he found funny at anime series he's watching and then tells the jokes out loud and I can't even try to pretend I'm finding them funny. The other thing is that he talks really close to my face.
And there's this other guy that follows me around every time he sees me, like I'm some nerd king or something. Can't shut the fuck up about how he got surgery and can't resist in showing me the surgery scars, even if in front of every one, while laughing out loud about it. It's like I attract all kinds of weird people. And that makes me feel that people I really care about are far away while I'm just surrounded by idiots.
I do have good friends at uni and good colleagues, but I'm not comfortable to disclose private stuff with them and I have good reasons not to. I think they are not as life experienced as I am and they wouldn't understand the things I'm going through. Also I once tried to vent with a girl friend of mine who was and is going through the same that I am and she didn't resist to tell everyone, including her "look at me I'm so alpha" boyfriend that couldn't resist to expose my issues in the most condescending way at a party some months ago.
Don't take me wrong. It's just that they don't interest me one bit. And being surrounded by lame people makes me feel lonely as fuck.
Therefore I need new friends.
Going clubbing tonight, it's not really my thing, but I'm hoping I'll enjoy it. Just tired of shooting myself in the foot by never really going out with coursemates when it involves clubbing. Hurray for peer pressure.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46268325]Going clubbing tonight, it's not really my thing, but I'm hoping I'll enjoy it. Just tired of shooting myself in the foot by never really going out with coursemates when it involves clubbing. Hurray for peer pressure.[/QUOTE]
Don't be a wallflower the entire time and you will have fun.
[QUOTE=Duskling;46268961]Don't be a wallflower the entire time and you will have fun.[/QUOTE]
I'm not going to, I've gone before and I was taking part in everything. I just feel strange dancing, unless I'm ridiculously drunk, and then I can't stop thinking about how awful the hangover is going to be the morning after.
[editline]18th October 2014[/editline]
One night of hazy fun and then an entire following day too hungover to do anything is what makes me dread clubbing.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46269165]I'm not going to, I've gone before and I was taking part in everything. I just feel strange dancing, unless I'm ridiculously drunk, and then I can't stop thinking about how awful the hangover is going to be the morning after.
[editline]18th October 2014[/editline]
One night of hazy fun and then an entire following day too hungover to do anything is what makes me dread clubbing.[/QUOTE]
Drink more water dummy. Hangovers are dehydration
[QUOTE=Rhenae;46270009]Drink more water dummy. Hangovers are dehydration[/QUOTE]
Part dehydration, often part badly kept booze if you're drinking beer.
so, pissed off one of my best friends and ex girlfriend today, not sure if it's a good thing or not.
on one hand, now I can get over her and just stop thinking about it.
on the other hand, I lost an amazing friend because I couldn't hold my emotions back for a second.
[editline]18th October 2014[/editline]
oh, and they're the same person..
[QUOTE=Splash Attack;46246357]It's also interesting to see photos of posters I see all the time in this thread. I suppose I'll contribute.
[t]http://i.imgur.com/n43aD4y.jpg[/t][/QUOTE]
I've been a bit absent recently, but this is me:
[t]http://i.imgur.com/gQnimFE.jpg[/t]
you're adorable
[editline]18th October 2014[/editline]
no homo
[editline]18th October 2014[/editline]
maybe a little
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
