Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[dcalde78]

[QUOTE=Psygo;46292810]yeah those are also really bad too, it changes a bit what you miss the most after a while though.
yesterday I missed physical contact really bad.

filling the time I still don't really know how to. I started watching some anime again and realized how boring it is, tried to pick up some old video games I used to spend time on and also realized how crap they were.[/QUOTE]

I'm definitely going to miss the physical aspects of the relationship. Even if we were never particularly cuddly with each other anyway, it was still nice to just have someone there if I needed it.

Today though, I bought a large storage tub, and I've started to fill it with the things that remind me most of her from my room (within reason). Stuff like stuffed toys, cards, a couple of old letters and her old rotas, her old work notebooks, stuff from holidays we've had, etc. A couple of photos, some music that we both liked, and things like that. Stuff I don't want to get rid of because of the sentimental value, but I can't bear to look at.

Two of the most important things to me are a bracelet she got me that I never wore (it was too big) and had "I love you" engraved on the back, and a metal plectrum with my initials on it that she got me as a present on our first Valentines together.

There's other stuff, like a bedside lamp, our bed, a soundbar for my tv and a Marshall pocket amp, that're obviously too big to store away, or that I just don't want to sell them because they're useful.

In general, stuff that has a lot of meaning to me, but I don't want to lose.

I was told by one of my workmates that they saw her yesterday and she looked very unhappy, and my mother (who is her supervisor) said she looked very pale, and generally unhappy.

I know that over the last 3 years, we both became different people. I don't feel that I changed much, but I might well have and not noticed it. I know for a fact that she changed a lot. When we first started dating, she was incredibly shy. I'm surprised that we managed to speak enough that we got to know each other. But over the course of our relationship, she became a lot more confident. I pushed her to do things I knew she could do, but she was hesitant to do. I helped her get through a lot when we were together.

I spoke to her sister today as well. We got on fairly well, as I did with all of her family. I asked her to keep me informed should anything happen to any of the family, or any of their pets as I was quite close to all of them. They were a second family to me. The only thing I regret is that I didn't get to know them all better. Whether or not I should have done that, I don't know. But I genuinely care about all of them, despite what has happened.

[Mayco]

[QUOTE=Psygo;46292810]yeah those are also really bad too, it changes a bit what you miss the most after a while though.
yesterday I missed physical contact really bad.

filling the time I still don't really know how to. I started watching some anime again and realized how boring it is, tried to pick up some old video games I used to spend time on and also realized how crap they were.[/QUOTE]

Couldn't agree more. I got out of a short "relationship" (or whatever it was, it was a lot of fun) with a really cute girl two months ago. As pathetic as it may sound; to this day the stuff that I used to enjoy no longer bring me any joy.

I'm dealing with it pretty well now by completely focusing my energy on university (though it doesn't help that my course is piss easy right now), my own personal projects and by going out drinking with friends as often as possible. Unfortunately none of this can give me the feeling I got when we cuddled in bed late at night or having her cuddled up against me while watching crappy series on Netflix. Sex is great and all, but it's stuff like that that I definitely miss the most.

[Guy Mannly]

Probably haven't been as distraught about my own breakup as you guys are, but I've been relying on my friends to fill that gap. Ever since my bf and I broke up I've been pushing myself to talk to my friends regularly and make plans with them whenever we have free time. It can get exhausting but it's made up pretty well for the lack of constant company that I used to have when my bf and I lived together.

[5/3/4/3]

well, my crush turned me down

[sp]for my friend[/sp]

it's all cool though, he's a good friend. There's more girls out there anyway. All of my other friends are acting like it's the worst day of my life despite me feeling indifferent about it. Perhaps the only thing different I feel is a bit less motivated when I get up for school in the morning, but that will change in due time.

[Larry_G]

Long post incoming

I'm a 21 year old dude, never had a real relationship before.

I've been really good friends with this girl for over a year and a half now, met her at a group assigment at university.The guy she used to be with for 4 years or so dumped her for no reason about a year ago and for a long time she didn't want to have a relationship again. During summer break though, things got a bit different. Texting stuff like I miss you, been thinking a lot about you etc. So she finally made it to my dorm to spend the night about two weeks ago or so. It was great, we watched a movie together, cuddled, made out, and we slept together in my bed. She said things like 'this should have happened much sooner' and 'you have no idea how much I like to be around you'. Arguably the best night of my life, I really like her too.

We met up again last week, we went to a bar and to the movies afterwards. Originally she was going to spend the night with me again, but after the film was over, her mom texted her and demanded that she'd come home because she (the girl) had to work early. I sighed when she told me this, and I must have looked really annoyed or disappointed or something because she gave me this weird look. She suggested she'd come over again the day after, and I agreed to it.

The next day at around 11 PM, I texted her, asking if she was still coming or not. She texted back saying she won't be able to make it, she had a shitty day at word and she'd explain later. I replied with sure, I'll talk to you to tomorrow I guess... I guess it got on my nerves a bit, I really wanted to see her again. Later that night I texted her again saying I just wanted to be around her, but that it's not that simple apparently. Bit of a dick-ish thing to do in retrospect.

She's on a real busy schedule, works 5-6 days a week and still studies as well. Or somewhat at least. I went on and tried to talk to her the next day on Facebook but she was kind of ignoring me, she ignored those texts I sent her the day before as well. So I guess I flipped out a bit and sent her a long-ass corny message saying that I didn't mean anything wrong with those texts and whatever. The next day she finally replied saying she found those texts to be a little odd. As well as my reaction to her saying she couldn't stay over after the movie. She said I was reacting too harsh, unusual, and that she's having a hard time dealing with such sentimental behaviour but that maybe she was just being too busy with work.

Feel pretty shitty about that. I apologised and she said it was fine but I don't know how she really feels right now, she's been pretty quiet. I guess I'll give her some time, been pretty head over heels about her and I think I'm just trying to go too fast, asking too much from her. I just hope I didn't fuck up already.

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=Larry_G;46297891]Long post incoming

I'm a 21 year old dude, never had a real relationship before.

I've been really good friends with this girl for over a year and a half now, met her at a group assigment at university.The guy she used to be with for 4 years or so dumped her for no reason about a year ago and for a long time she didn't want to have a relationship again. During summer break though, things got a bit different. Texting stuff like I miss you, been thinking a lot about you etc. So she finally made it to my dorm to spend the night about two weeks ago or so. It was great, we watched a movie together, cuddled, made out, and we slept together in my bed. She said things like 'this should have happened much sooner' and 'you have no idea how much I like to be around you'. Arguably the best night of my life, I really like her too.

We met up again last week, we went to a bar and to the movies afterwards. Originally she was going to spend the night with me again, but after the film was over, her mom texted her and demanded that she'd come home because she (the girl) had to work early. I sighed when she told me this, and I must have looked really annoyed or disappointed or something because she gave me this weird look. She suggested she'd come over again the day after, and I agreed to it.

The next day at around 11 PM, I texted her, asking if she was still coming or not. She texted back saying she won't be able to make it, she had a shitty day at word and she'd explain later. I replied with sure, I'll talk to you to tomorrow I guess... I guess it got on my nerves a bit, I really wanted to see her again. Later that night I texted her again saying I just wanted to be around her, but that it's not that simple apparently. Bit of a dick-ish thing to do in retrospect.

She's on a real busy schedule, works 5-6 days a week and still studies as well. Or somewhat at least. I went on and tried to talk to her the next day on Facebook but she was kind of ignoring me, she ignored those texts I sent her the day before as well. So I guess I flipped out a bit and sent her a long-ass corny message saying that I didn't mean anything wrong with those texts and whatever. The next day she finally replied saying she found those texts to be a little odd. As well as my reaction to her saying she couldn't stay over after the movie. She said I was reacting too harsh, unusual, and that she's having a hard time dealing with such sentimental behaviour but that maybe she was just being too busy with work.

Feel pretty shitty about that. I apologised and she said it was fine but I don't know how she really feels right now, she's been pretty quiet. I guess I'll give her some time, been pretty head over heels about her and I think I'm just trying to go too fast, asking too much from her. I just hope I didn't fuck up already.[/QUOTE]

Wow, you came across as a self-entitled douche, big time. No shit she looked at you weird, you straight up sighed and acted like she was letting you down [I]when her mum[/I] texted her telling her to come home. Definitely makes it seem like you're desperate in terms of wanting her to sleep round.

Then topping it off with "I just want to be around you, but I guess it's not that simple apparently" is so cringeworthy. You've probably made her think twice about all this.

She isn't obligated to do anything for you. If you really cared about her, you'd support her with her busy work schedule and let her know that you were there for her, not get all stroppy when she doesn't come round your dorm to make out with you.

[editline]22nd October 2014[/editline]

I guess all you can do is back off a bit, curb the desperation, and just be there for her. Show her that you care about her as a person, and not just as something you want to bring back to your dorm to be intimate with. Cause from an outsider's perspective (and most likely from her point of view as well), it seems like the minute she was intimate with you, you held her to it and made her seem like it was now her moral obligation to be there when you want.

[editline]22nd October 2014[/editline]

And [B]no more long-ass texts or messages[/B] explaining why you feel bad or you're sorry or whatever.

[Larry_G]

[QUOTE=loopoo;46300626]Wow, you came across as a self-entitled douche, big time. No shit she looked at you weird, you straight up sighed and acted like she was letting you down [I]when her mum[/I] texted her telling her to come home. Definitely makes it seem like you're desperate in terms of wanting her to sleep round.

Then topping it off with "I just want to be around you, but I guess it's not that simple apparently" is so cringeworthy. You've probably made her think twice about all this.

She isn't obligated to do anything for you. If you really cared about her, you'd support her with her busy work schedule and let her know that you were there for her, not get all stroppy when she doesn't come round your dorm to make out with you.

[editline]22nd October 2014[/editline]

I guess all you can do is back off a bit, curb the desperation, and just be there for her. Show her that you care about her as a person, and not just as something you want to bring back to your dorm to be intimate with. Cause from an outsider's perspective (and most likely from her point of view as well), it seems like the minute she was intimate with you, you held her to it and made her seem like it was now her moral obligation to be there when you want.

[editline]22nd October 2014[/editline]

And [B]no more long-ass texts or messages[/B] explaining why you feel bad or you're sorry or whatever.[/QUOTE]

I know, I've been a gigantic asshole without even realizing it.

Though it's not so much that I'm desperate for her to sleep over, I just felt a bit shitty that she couldn't stay, had to reschedule three times already to make that date at the movies even happen, I guess I got a little impatient and overreacted. It wasn't even her fault. Same for last Thursday. Still, that's not an excuse.

I'll try my best to let her be, and just be a actual nice person. Thanks for the advice man

[Loopoo]

Sorry for delivering it so harshly, but if you change the way you've behaved, you might actually be able to salvage the relationship instead of completely turning her off. All the best man.

[Vehk]

So I'm looking to meet people irl, but they're aren't really any clubs or other hangouts in the nearby bigger towns. I haven't really found many people online that live nearby in my state for whatever reason, either.

Any ideas for stuff that I could do or places that people typically hang around?

[Catshit]

[QUOTE=Vehk;46303238]So I'm looking to meet people irl, but they're aren't really any clubs or other hangouts in the nearby bigger towns. I haven't really found many people online that live nearby in my state for whatever reason, either.

Any ideas for stuff that I could do or places that people typically hang around?[/QUOTE]

I don't know your town nor do I 'go out' much myself, but I'd say just go to malls and walk around or head to concerts or arcades or bookstores.
All ways to find people with similar interests and a great way to waste time or just entertain yourself in general.

[rammaster]

I've got a conundrum guys. A day after we made out, said that she isn't looking for a relationship because she isn't over her ex but she still wants to see me and keep having fun, and she said if I started feeling anything more, I should let her know. Okay on the one hand, this is the first girl I've been able to get to that point of physical stuff but on the other hand, am I just a rebound/fuck buddy and I should probably break it off before we get further involved?? I'm really torn, I completely do not know what i'm doing, and confused.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Rammaster;46308240]I've got a conundrum guys. A day after we made out, said that she isn't looking for a relationship because she isn't over her ex but she still wants to see me and keep having fun, and she said if I started feeling anything more, I should let her know. Okay on the one hand, this is the first girl I've been able to get to that point of physical stuff but on the other hand, am I just a rebound/fuck buddy and I should probably break it off before we get further involved?? I'm really torn, I completely do not know what i'm doing, and confused.[/QUOTE]

I think she's been entirely clear with you where you both stand. She does not want an exclusive, committed or even emotional relationship with you. However she does want to have a casual physical relationship with you. Do you think you can handle that? If so I'd go for it, casual sex is good fun. If not, call it off now.

[rammaster]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;46308853]I think she's been entirely clear with you where you both stand. She does not want an exclusive, committed or even emotional relationship with you. However she does want to have a casual physical relationship with you. Do you think you can handle that? If so I'd go for it, casual sex is good fun. If not, call it off now.[/QUOTE]

I'd like to think that I can, I really have no idea. I've never been in a relationship before.But I think it'll be good experience being physical with someone for a change.

[Banandana]

If you can't accept the fact that there's the possibility of not being with her in an actual relationship, don't go for it

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

I've been physical with people in a similar scenario and the key is to understand that if there's a possibility of you liking them and wanting to get with them, embrace the downsides of being with them as a way to steer your mind from thinking of the physical relationship as anything more than what it is.

Kind of in a 'I like the physical aspect, but I wouldn't actually want to be with this girl because X Y Z'

Of course, everyone's different and maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but it's worked for me, so eh

You seem like you would actually want to be with her at some point, so maybe what I say isn't relevant, but I figured I'd say something.

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

It's kind of a screwy thing to be in if you want more and she might not.

[corkscrew_1]

How do you get from being "friends" with someone to being "close friends"? At uni, I share a couple classes with a girl that I like, and I'd like to get to know her better. We talk a good deal and always sit together in class, but don't have very little interaction outside of that, besides academic stuff like asking for help on homework. We've texted a few times, but in the end she was always the one to stop replying, and I'm not entirely sure what to make of that.

To be clear, I'm not looking to get into a relationship [i]at this moment[/i]. I've already got my hands full and don't have the time or will right now, I'd just like to become closer friends with her so that some point in the future, it'd be more plausible. How exactly would I do this? With the gender divide (and also my crush, as well as being socially awkward as fuck) making things a bit iffy on my end, I don't have a good sense or idea of what would be something normal to do to get to know her better without coming on too strong. Any advice?

[rammaster]

[QUOTE=Banandana;46309343]If you can't accept the fact that there's the possibility of not being with her in an actual relationship, don't go for it

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

I've been physical with people in a similar scenario and the key is to understand that if there's a possibility of you liking them and wanting to get with them, embrace the downsides of being with them as a way to steer your mind from thinking of the physical relationship as anything more than what it is.

Kind of in a 'I like the physical aspect, but I wouldn't actually want to be with this girl because X Y Z'

Of course, everyone's different and maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but it's worked for me, so eh

You seem like you would actually want to be with her at some point, so maybe what I say isn't relevant, but I figured I'd say something.

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

It's kind of a screwy thing to be in if you want more and she might not.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the advice guys... Yeah, maybe I kinda do want something more but I figured I'd mess around with her a bit more. I mean it's fun, I've never done things like this before but I'll try not to catch more feelings for her. I actually thought the same thing like "But she does X Y Z sooo maybe if we did get into a relationship it would be terrible" lol

[Dooskington]

I'm going to college soon and I'm scared. I've made so many friends in high school (Who I'm going to try to keep in touch with) but I'm scared I won't be able to meet new people. Any tips that I should definetly keep in mind for College?

[Banandana]

[QUOTE=Rammaster;46310443]Thanks for the advice guys... Yeah, maybe I kinda do want something more but I figured I'd mess around with her a bit more. I mean it's fun, I've never done things like this before but I'll try not to catch more feelings for her. I actually thought the same thing like "But she does X Y Z sooo maybe if we did get into a relationship it would be terrible" lol[/QUOTE]

It's a way of managing your emotions. You really have to search inside to make sure you don't have feelings for them, otherwise you're just lying to yourself, and that's never good to do.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd go for it if you think you can, and if shit happens, there's nothing better than being open and honest about how you feel. You can always end things if it becomes a problem. It's just a little hard if that does happen, but as long as you're levelheaded about it, you'll be fine.

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Duskling;46310530]I'm going to college soon and I'm scared. I've made so many friends in high school (Who I'm going to try to keep in touch with) but I'm scared I won't be able to meet new people. Any tips that I should definetly keep in mind for College?[/QUOTE]

Talk to people in class and make friends with them. Then go do stuff out of class and you'll soon build a network of friends

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

Or do what I did and sit at a table with a random group of people. That works too but it's a little ballsy.

[editline]23rd October 2014[/editline]

If something awkward happens, think of it as a learning experience and use your social skills to adapt to your environment for next time. It is a bit intimidating but you'll get the hang of it.

[dcalde78]

Speaking to my friends at work has definitely helped me this week. I know that if I hadn't gone in to work at all I'd be in a worse place right now. A few of the guys have been in my situation before, but perhaps not after as long a relationship as mine. Even managers are sympathetic, as they've been there and they know the pain.

One of the guys at work gave me a decent idea though. He said to cut all contact with her and her family for a while, at least until I can get my head together and come to terms with what's happened. I do want to be friends with all of them, in particular my ex, as we went through so many life events together. Significant birthdays, the loss of pets, passing our driving tests, stuff like that. I wouldn't want to lose a friend I went through all those things with.

It's hard. The loneliness is what gets me most. Sleeping in a double bed alone, after having shared it for even just a few months (in my house anyway), is pretty bad. It doesn't help that it's wintertime. A cold, empty feeling room isn't nice, especially with the long nights we get here (in the depths of winter we get about 4 hours of daylight). Having no one to converse with all the time as well.

I do still need to have a bit of contact with her though. I need to pay her back some money and get her to sign a letter to the housing association here to say that we no longer want to be on a joint application any more. It's really stupid that I have to do that but they say that's the way it needs to be done.

I'm sleeping better than I was at the start of the week though. I kept waking up every couple of hours on Monday night/Tuesday. But the main thing is that I'm trying to keep to my normal routine as much as I can so that I can get back to normal as soon as I can.

All in all, the past 12 months have been pretty bad for me. About this time last year, my family found out that our dog had lymphoma. At the start of December-ish, my ex lost her favourite cat. She was the best cat ever, and we think she had a heart attack or something. My ex was devastated. Then about 2 weeks later, we had to put our dog to sleep. I was inconsolable.

Not long after that I found out that my grandad had been in and out of hospital for various reasons, but had then ended up staying for about 7 months, and had 2 toes amputated due to gangrene. He's had MRSA, Norovirus, and various other operations since. I get the feeling he hasn't got long left.

In January, I had an ingrown toenail operated on. I'd had the operation done before, but my parents were home to look after me then, but this time they were away on holiday. My ex helped, as I couldn't walk much for the first week or so. After that healed up, I then developed sinusitis. That was really bad, it felt like my face was going to explode most of the time.

Not long after that, I started suffering from anxiety and stress. That was particularly tough. No one really supported me and kind of brushed it off saying "what do you have to be anxious or stressed about?". I didn't know but it sucked. A couple of months ago, I started feeling depressed as well. I went to the doctor about it and I was prescribed anti-depressants. I never took any of them and I came out of it not that long ago.

All in all, not a great year. And I don't have much to look forward to any more. Being affected my SAD doesn't help either. I can hope for better times though, and I hope that they come soon.

[Taepodong-2]

Well on tuesday I'm going for lunch with that girl from my class I started talking to last week. This is the first time I've ever asked out someone I don't know that well so we'll see how this goes.

[Vehk]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46312833]Well on tuesday I'm going for lunch with that girl from my class I started talking to last week. This is the first time I've ever asked out someone I don't know that well so we'll see how this goes.[/QUOTE]

Good luck!

[I Am Dumb]

So if a girl sends you naked pics of herself to your phone and clearly likes you, then a few months later rejects you and says she only likes you in a platonic way and "just right now is kind of bad timing." What the fuck? My brain is not wired to understand what's going on, she hardly talks to me anymore and I just don't know what to do.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;46316963]So if a girl sends you naked pics of herself to your phone and clearly likes you, then a few months later rejects you and says she only likes you in a platonic way and "just right now is kind of bad timing." What the fuck? My brain is not wired to understand what's going on, she hardly talks to me anymore and I just don't know what to do.[/QUOTE]

Move on? People do change their minds, and nude pics isn't exactly an obligation to anything?
There isn't really anything else to do?

Also a small note to make sure you delete those pics if she's under 18 (well, it would be common decency to delete them anyway if you haven't already but you know what I mean), should be common sense but a lot of users on this site are pretty young so I'll point it out anyway.

[Guy Mannly]

Oh man... asking a guy to delete nudes of someone he likes? You're asking a lot here, Rhen.

[I Am Dumb]

She's 19, and that's the thing as Guy said, I like her... a lot. Moving on would be fine but I just don't really give a shit about other women right now, it just sort of sucks because I feel like I should have made a move when I had her attention.

[Guy Mannly]

Yeah, pretty much. "Right now is bad timing" sounds like either you missed your chance and she's over you or she's got bigger fish to fry right now. Either way, leave it alone for now - if she changes her mind and knows you're interested now, I'm guessing she'll let you know.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;46317080]She's 19, and that's the thing as Guy said, I like her... a lot. Moving on would be fine but I just don't really give a shit about other women right now, it just sort of sucks because I feel like I should have made a move when I had her attention.[/QUOTE]

She specifically said she doesn't want to date you (at least not right now, which to me usually means she is looking at someone else, but can't judge on that, don't know her or the rest of the situation). So continuing to pursue her for now is just pointless?
Moving on doesn't have to be getting with some other girl, but just accepting she doesn't want to get with you right now and not banking on that changing.

[Remedial Math]

see if you can get more nudes, her reaction will help you judge what's happening

[I Am Dumb]

I know she was interested in my friend for a while, but he hasn't shown any interest and I feel like she's moved on from that, I would love to move on but I'm honestly terrible at it and it doesn't help that I work with this girl. I've been thinking about quitting for a long time but I just don't know where I can meet other women.

[Laughing Stock]

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