Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[RocketRacer]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46401442]Well my mom just called me telling me that my step dad is in the hospital on life support. There's nothing they can do for him and he's going to die. My mom started telling me everything that was wrong but I told her to stop because talking about failing organs and shit freaks me right the fuck out. We already knew there was something wrong with him for like six months, he was diagnosed with liver failure, but I guess his body just decided it had enough. And what's really sad is that less than a month ago all his tests came back saying he was really healthy, considering he has a non-functioning liver.

So just when my life was actually feeling like it was kind of getting on track, something terrible just had to happen and beat me down again. This is the second family member in like five or six years to die way before their time. First my grandma who wasn't even 60 yet died of cancer, now my step dad who's not even 50 is dieing from liver failure, kidney failure, a lung infection and who knows what else because this is about where I told my mom to stop.[/QUOTE]
That reminded me how my grandma, who taught me english made my life billion times better while living with my not-so-pleasent dad, had died this January from a liver failure or aomething similar which only happens to people who drink a lot of alcohol, and she obviously did not. She was living in a remote village dozens kilmetres away from a city in her own small house and bam, this happened.

When you-know-what happened, it was days after her analyses have improved day by day. I guess the body, and she herself, just given up with the figjht.

Sorry to bring this up but yeah just wanted to say this shit happens out of blue.

[XUZUL]

Isn't it a common occurrence? People getting better before they get worse? I swear there's something like that.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46401442]Well my mom just called me telling me that my step dad is in the hospital on life support. There's nothing they can do for him and he's going to die. My mom started telling me everything that was wrong but I told her to stop because talking about failing organs and shit freaks me right the fuck out. We already knew there was something wrong with him for like six months, he was diagnosed with liver failure, but I guess his body just decided it had enough. And what's really sad is that less than a month ago all his tests came back saying he was really healthy, considering he has a non-functioning liver.

So just when my life was actually feeling like it was kind of getting on track, something terrible just had to happen and beat me down again. This is the second family member in like five or six years to die way before their time. First my grandma who wasn't even 60 yet died of cancer, now my step dad who's not even 50 is dieing from liver failure, kidney failure, a lung infection and who knows what else because this is about where I told my mom to stop.[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry you're going through that right now.

What happened to me a couple weeks ago is very different from what you're going through, but what helped me through my grief was relying on my close friends for emotional support. You have other members in your family who are suffering with you right now, and I'm sure you have friends who are more than willing to listen as well (we're here too if you ever need to vent!) - don't be afraid to open up to them about how you're feeling during all this. Tragedy creates powerful bonds with the people you share it with.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46402699]I'm so sorry you're going through that right now.

What happened to me a couple weeks ago is very different from what you're going through, but what helped me through my grief was relying on my close friends for emotional support. You have other members in your family who are suffering with you right now, and I'm sure you have friends who are more than willing to listen as well (we're here too if you ever need to vent!) - don't be afraid to open up to them about how you're feeling during all this. Tragedy creates powerful bonds with the people you share it with.[/QUOTE]

Well you guys are probably the ones I'll be talking through the most through this. To be quite honest my mom is pretty much the extent of my support network. The only person I know in real life who I'd even consider bringing this up with is a girl who I made things too awkward with by having feelings for her when she wasn't interested in dating. My mom was telling me I should talk about it with her because she was a really good friend before that whole thing happened and I had already told her that my step dad had liver failure when we first found out, but fuck I haven't had a real conversation with her since like September and I don't know if I want to dump this on her all of a sudden. And hell she'd probably just end up thinking I'm just using this as an excuse to get a relationship with her out of pity.

[blacksam]

I have not seen my first girlfriend in two years. We broke up because we weren't right for each other. She was extremely jealous, overbearing, and generally just unhealthy for me.

It wasn't until today I actually saw her for the first time after I had a meeting with my professor. Two years is a huge time gap. I mean two years ago, I was 210 pounds, wore t-shirts with such classic phrases as "updog". I was generally anti-social back then too.

After we broke up, I got in shape. I went from 210 to 170 in three months. It was a mixture of depression, plus being proactive about being depressed. I got my life together fast. Started dressing a little more preppy. Got my act together when it came to school and work.

I work two jobs now, I am working on projects I love, I have friends I routinely hangout with, and I make time for the gym every week. I have gone from sweatpants, nikes, and t-shirts to khakis, boat shoes and polos.

I was walking with my friends outside to the quad, and damn, she's right there, not a single thing about her has changed. She looks at me. Then down to the floor, then back up at me. Then looks back down. I know that expression. I've known her for two years, and honestly nothing felt more familiar to me than that look. I knew she was proud, happy for me, and jealous all at the same time.

I don't need to talk to her to know that either.

I got nostalgic, thinking about all the good times we've had, but then I also remembered how she was just cruel to my brother, let alone anyone who was close to me.

I know it's weird to point out, but I wouldn't be the person I am today without her, but I especially wouldn't be the person I am today with her. I am thankful for having had the experience of getting to be close to her, but I wouldn't want to do it again knowing what I know now. I've heard that she's doing well herself, that she has a boyfriend now who just got deployed and she's happy with him. In a way, I'm happy for her too.

Does that make sense? I'm allowed to be happy for her, just like she was probably happy for me. At least that's how I see it. I'm injecting my own personal bias into the idea of her and how she remains to me. It doesn't matter one way or another what she feels about me now seeing as how much I have changed as a person.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46403496]Well you guys are probably the ones I'll be talking through the most through this. To be quite honest my mom is pretty much the extent of my support network. The only person I know in real life who I'd even consider bringing this up with is a girl who I made things too awkward with by having feelings for her when she wasn't interested in dating. My mom was telling me I should talk about it with her because she was a really good friend before that whole thing happened and I had already told her that my step dad had liver failure when we first found out, but fuck I haven't had a real conversation with her since like September and I don't know if I want to dump this on her all of a sudden. And hell she'd probably just end up thinking I'm just using this as an excuse to get a relationship with her out of pity.[/QUOTE]

If you think she'll be understanding, it wouldn't hurt to talk to her. Being in a situation like this teaches you a lot about the people you think are your friends, so one way or another you'll probably be better off by having an honest conversation with this girl. Just be straightforward to her and let her know that you could really use a friend right now (make it clear that you're not just trying to get with her, assuming that's not your intention). Most people will understand and want to help in some way. If she doesn't, she's not worth stressing over trying to keep in your life.

[Remedial Math]

i mean yeah that's how relationships work

even if they fall apart you still grew from it. sure, you probably ended up a little broken along the way, but you leave with the knowledge to put the pieces together again and then some

[Minimole]

There's a girl who I like, I think she might like me as well, she came to my Halloween party, sat bside me during some movies we watched at the party and I walked her home afterwards.
Asking her out sounds simple enough to most but I've literally had nothing but bad luck when it comes to asking girls out. It hasn't gotten any easier over the past 4 years, each time I've had an anxiety or panic attack not sure which.

Heck when I asked out my previous and only girlfriend I could barely get any sleep the night before and was stressed all day and when I finally decided to ask her out I had a severe panic attack, which makes me think the only reason she said yes was because I looked like I was going to fucking die.

Not only that but the day I plan on asking someone out everything always goes fucking wrong, Got my hand cut open, forgot my backpack in my last class only to discover it had been locked and the teacher was in another class causing me to be 20 minutes late, forgot my lunch, phone and bus pass.

We have quite a bit in common but just thinking about asking her out makes me stressed that I'm going to fuck up somehow.

[Remedial Math]

you're stressing over this way too fucking much hot damn

if she likes you then A) she won't care that you're a little awkward about it because presumably you're already like that about something and she knows it, and B) she'll help you through it

don't plan out like OKAY I'LL ASK HER OUT AND THEN I'LL SUGGEST WE GO HERE AND THEN HERE AND THEN HERE AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN just be like "maybe she wants to go get lunch/dinner/a meal" and then be like "hi would you like to go get a meal" and when she says "yeah sure" you just say like "oh good. i didn't plan this far so i have no actual plan." and then she'll laugh and suggest something and all you have to do is shut your dumb mouth and agree with her

WHY YES THAT DOES SOUND GOOD HA HA OKAY SEE YOU THEN

[Emugod]

So, I've been thinking about taking out this girl that I've been talking to for a few days now. I'm not exactly sure how to judge the relationship right now, but she seems interested in me and I'm definitely interested in her. So, this has been kind of a deciding factor for the date/hang out.

I was thinking either ice skating, rock climbing, or going to an arcade like thing (Dave and Busters for the people who know what that is).

She's kind of a romantic, as am I, so I feel like ice skating would be nice, but I don't know if we're at that point in our relationship yet to do romantic things. She says she's not coordinated, though. So, that could either be a good or bad thing.
Rock climbing has been a rising passion of mine. I've only done it once, but it was extremely fun when I went, and I've always wanted to go again. But, I'm cautious that she'd be scared of heights. I feel like this would be the better option, though.
Lastly, I have 2 $25 cards for an arcade type place like Dave and Busters. I think this could be a lot of fun. But, I'm not sure if I want to save it for another time or do it immediately.

I also want to keep the decision a secret from her to keep it suspenseful and exciting. I don't know why, but it was just an idea I had at the time.

She'll be busy on this Friday and Saturday night, though I'm not sure about Saturday or Sunday afternoon. So, ice skating might not be a possibility. Rock climbing and the arcade could work, though.

I want to make a good impression on this girl because I've really taken a liking to her. I want the first time we meet to be something special that, if it ever happens, we could tell our kids about. Though, that's looking too far into the future.

[Minimole]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46404470]you're stressing over this way too fucking much hot damn

if she likes you then A) she won't care that you're a little awkward about it because presumably you're already like that about something and she knows it, and B) she'll help you through it

don't plan out like OKAY I'LL ASK HER OUT AND THEN I'LL SUGGEST WE GO HERE AND THEN HERE AND THEN HERE AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN just be like "maybe she wants to go get lunch/dinner/a meal" and then be like "hi would you like to go get a meal" and when she says "yeah sure" you just say like "oh good. i didn't plan this far so i have no actual plan." and then she'll laugh and suggest something and all you have to do is shut your dumb mouth and agree with her

WHY YES THAT DOES SOUND GOOD HA HA OKAY SEE YOU THEN[/QUOTE]
This actually helps me a lot dude, thanks.

[Guy Mannly]

Two things I tend to repeat for these situations:

- Asking someone out is only as big of a deal as you make it. All that asking someone out actually means is that you want to get to know them one-on-one - it doesn't mean you're going to be in a relationship together, it just means you find the person interesting in some sense of the word. Asking itself isn't what matters, it's what happens afterward.

- Don't try to assign blame when you get rejected. If someone turns you down, all it means is that the personality you've put forward in your interactions with them isn't compatible with what they're looking for. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you or that you did anything wrong in the way you asked/interacted with them, all it means is that you aren't compatible with that particular person. Nobody is going to get along well with everyone they meet, especially not in a one-on-one situation.

[editline]4th November 2014[/editline]

Try not to focus on this as a pass/fail sort of action. Getting turned down doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Not only that, but regardless of what happens, it will give you experience and help you get over your fear of asking people out. Asking at all is something you should consider a personal success no matter what the result is.

[G4Vi]

-snip- no response in a day, not keeping this out here

[Remedial Math]

if you're having issues asking someone out, try just asking a male acquaintance if he wants to grab lunch with you or something

it's the exact same question (do not say WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT WITH ME) but there's no real pressure there so it's good to build confidence

"hello jeff, i'm about to go eat. would you like to also eat with me and we can talk about manly things such as sports and fucking? Not each other of course for we are manly hetero men, but of our womanly conquests?"

"yes jim i would like that and also i am your boss, you get a promotion and a raise"

[editline]3rd November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46404666]Two things I tend to repeat for these situations:

- Asking someone out is only as big of a deal as you make it. All that asking someone out actually means is that you want to get to know them one-on-one - it doesn't mean you're going to be in a relationship together, it just means you find the person interesting in some sense of the word. Asking itself isn't what matters, it's what happens afterward.

- Don't try to assign blame when you get rejected. If someone turns you down, all it means is that the personality you've put forward in your interactions with them isn't compatible with what they're looking for. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you or that you did anything wrong in the way you asked/interacted with them, all it means is that you aren't compatible with that particular person. Nobody is going to get along well with everyone they meet, especially not in a one-on-one situation.

[editline]4th November 2014[/editline]

Try not to focus on this as a pass/fail sort of action. Getting turned down doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Not only that, but regardless of what happens, it will give you experience and help you get over your fear of asking people out. Asking at all is something you should consider a personal success no matter what the result is.[/QUOTE]

i can't remember it exactly but i still think the best advice you've ever given was that thing you said about how "if you're rejected they're not rejecting you as a person, it's just that your personalities don't necessarily mesh"

[dcalde78]

Yesterday at work we had a power cut and all of the tills stopped working, the fridges on the shop floor turned off and we had to close the shop. We had to stop customers coming into the car park so me and a workmate went out and we were stopping people and telling them that they couldn't come in. It was fine for the most part except from when I was going along the queue of cars and noticed my ex further down the line.

Being at work, I just did what I had to and told her that the shop was closed and we didn't know when we'd be opening again. But that was the first time I've seen her since she split up with me. She seemed happy enough and talked to me as she normally would have when she was happy.

I still don't really know where I stand with her and I don't really know how I feel. That said, I feel so much better than I thought I would when all of this kicked off. I'm as content as I can be right now. The loneliness is getting to me a bit now, but I'm playing video games with my brother and trying to write some new material for my band. I've gotten the guys in my band to learn one of my favourite songs as well so I have something else to try, and something different to focus on.

[OscarLimaEcho]

I heard you guys talking shit like I wouldn't find out.

[Taepodong-2]

Well today I went for lunch with a girl in one of my classes who I've been interested in for a couple weeks. I didn't tell her about what's happening with my family (my step dad's gone now by the way, they pulled the plug yesterday evening) because that's not something I wanted to dump on her yet, but I had a pretty good time with her and I almost forgot about everything that's been happening until I said goodbye after walking to her class with her. She does want to do something together again some time soon so I guess I'll see how this goes.

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Flumbooze;46347556]Personally, I think you're too focused on 'being happy' and how where and with who you end up with might influence that. I mean, I get you want to move out as living somewhere you don't like with people you like even less can be really frustrating, but as long as you're trying too hard being happy you'll never really be completely satisfied.

I think you should weigh out the pro's and con's of Tucson, without necessarily looking at how happy you think you're going to be there, but rather look at how you could spend your time there, if the college is any good, if you'll manage it financially, etc. Happiness automatically comes when you let go of your continuous worry of needing to be happy and when you spend your time doing things you love with people you like. And once you start doing that, the location won't really matter anymore. (Unless it really is a shithole of a city.)[/QUOTE]

This was some pretty great advice. I've been mulling it over a while, still weighing my options, and overall I definitely feel that Tucson is the best place for me. I can maintain my relationship and I can go to college. I don't really know how to find out whether or not the college is any good, or if their program for what I'm planning on pursuing(game design) is any good, but it's the only college I have available to me that offers any such program. I don't know how to figure out how financially manageable it is, either, but I do know that when I started applying for another community college (plans fell through), they told me I was eligible for what I guess was basically a free-ride scholarship, so maybe I can get the same.

I think I'm probably over exaggerating about it being a shitty city (though it is pretty bad), I really don't think it matters too much. At this point I'm mostly just scared of going through with all of this, the thought of living on my own is pretty intimidating, not to mention I really have no idea what I'm walking into. I cant imagine what my life is going to be like at the start of next year. But I know I have to do this, my life isn't going anywhere living here, not to mention how awful it is most of the time.

I still need to set up a job down there, first, and that's been the biggest problem. The UPS store I mentioned has confirmed that they just aren't hiring yet, which leaves me kind of stuck. I don't want to work fast food, and I don't want to work retail. I just need a job where I don't have to deal with people. The only possible jobs I can think of involve stocking shelves and stuff like that, but I don't even know how or where to get a job like that. What kinds of jobs could I get that don't involve interacting with customers? On top of that, how do I explain my situation to them? I want to have a possible job ready for me BEFORE I move down there, meaning I'll need at least 2 weeks before I'm available to work, not to mention setting up an interview would be rather complicated.

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46409798]Well today I went for lunch with a girl in one of my classes who I've been interested in for a couple weeks. I didn't tell her about what's happening with my family (my step dad's gone now by the way, they pulled the plug yesterday evening) because that's not something I wanted to dump on her yet, but I had a pretty good time with her and I almost forgot about everything that's been happening until I said goodbye after walking to her class with her. She does want to do something together again some time soon so I guess I'll see how this goes.[/QUOTE]

most improved LAer 2014

[SBD]

I'm going to a mate's 21st party in a couple of days, I have no idea if I'm supposed to get her something, or even what to get if I do get something.

[Psygo]

man, I feel fucking stupid right now.

since all the people I used to talk to disappeared, I started talking/playing games with some people that my ex knew longer than I did, but she never really had anything to do with and always said she hated them.

of course she started to join in as well, and hearing her be the way she was before she was with me again... that makes me happy and sad at the same time. and all the things we used to do, even after we broke up, that she's now doing by herself or with other people... that hurts me.

I don't really know how to cut her out without leaving these new people I started talking to behind.
at the same time I don't really want to cut her out. My feelings don't really shift anymore, and I want her back, but I have so much doubt in being able to do that.

I want to bang my head against the wall repeatedly because I'm hurting myself so much.

sometimes I wish she'd still be pissed at me at this point. Then I'd have no hope to go by and probably give up. Which I had actually done already when she then started coming in to the picture again.

[Blueridge]

(Disclaimer: I live with my grandma who's like 20 minutes from the university I go to, and my mom lives 2 hours away from us)

So for the past week my mom has been upset that I don't meet her demands. She wants me to call/text her everyday, but for various reasons I don't, such as I just don't want to meet her demands and sometimes I forget. I do text her every now and then, but not daily. She called me today and started talking about setting up a meeting with a counselor, to which I refused. I told her that I really just don't believe that calling her every day is necessary, regardless if she's my mom or not. She thinks that after my time at college, I go home, do my homework and study, and then play video games for the rest of the night. She thinks that I've developed a habit and that I don't want to do anything else, but that's not true - the reason that I don't is because I can't do things other than my routine, because everything else requires her approval. I've been slowly building up a collection of winter clothes for running, as I want to start jogging outside every now and then. The moment I tell my mom I'm about to head out and jog, she always makes up an excuse: it's not safe outside, its too cold... Which is bullshit as our neighborhood is rather quiet with very little crime, and it's always cold out in Minnesota if it's not summer. I can't hang out with friends IRL for the same reasons, so I hang out with them through video games. She thinks that I bend to my friend's will, when I've told her before that I don't, and that most of the time I reject their offer of hanging out.

I ended up having to tell her all of that again today on the phone, but this time I concluded with "if you think I'm implying something else, that's your call, but I know what I said and you can interpret that however you wish", to which she seemed really upset and quickly ended the call. At this point I'm not sure how to make this situation any better, other than me leaving the house and taking up a dorm(which is expensive).

[Guy Mannly]

Why can't you hang out with your friends/generally do what you want if you don't live with your mom? If you live 2 hours away she doesn't need to know about everything, right?

This might not be good advice in terms of having a healthy relationship with your parents (if my post history is any indication I'm not exactly a shining example of how to have a healthy relationship with parents), but you don't have to tell your parents everything that goes on in your life. If she lives 2 hours away, depending on how involved your grandmother is with your life, she's going to have to take your word for most things. I personally just don't call home unless my life is going really well at the moment because I know my parents can't handle hearing that anything is wrong. Might not be healthy to take it as far as I have, but you could probably stand to keep some things to yourself if you know she won't approve.

[Blueridge]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46419977]Why can't you hang out with your friends/generally do what you want if you don't live with your mom? If you live 2 hours away she doesn't need to know about everything, right?

This might not be good advice in terms of having a healthy relationship with your parents (if my post history is any indication I'm not exactly a shining example of how to have a healthy relationship with parents), but you don't have to tell your parents everything that goes on in your life. If she lives 2 hours away, depending on how involved your grandmother is with your life, she's going to have to take your word for most things. I personally just don't call home unless my life is going really well at the moment because I know my parents can't handle hearing that anything is wrong. Might not be healthy to take it as far as I have, but you could probably stand to keep some things to yourself if you know she won't approve.[/QUOTE]

My grandma is even worse than my mom when it comes to me leaving the house. We don't have a car, so I take the bus everyday to uni. My uncle lives nearby and can take me to places, but he won't do it unless my grandma and/or mom gives the okay. My friends don't want to pick me up too often because I live on the other side of town from them, and most of the things that we do are on the side that they live on, so it gets costly trying to pick me up and then heading back to the other side

[5/3/4/3]

so there's something i discovered about myself that kinda spooked me

I don't get squeamish/revolted around gory, morbid, and gross shit as much as -basically- any of my friends around me would. I don't know how it started, but the earliest I remember was when I took a look at the encyclopedia dramatica offended page. I scrolled down (God forbid), and drank in the sights that were thrust towards my immediate vision. Of course like anyone I was disturbed and startled at these sights, but then I became fascinated at all of these weird things that I was getting shown. I don't want to go into detail though.

Strangely enough, I found myself going back to that page like, once a year just because of my odd fascination. I also remember seeing this strange isis video where these terrorists were drivebying random civilians and executing them in a line. Of course I was a bit disturbed, but I found myself getting fascinated at their coordination and precision doing such horrible acts.

Then recently, I for some reason clicked a liveleak video link on this site where a baby was getting crushed under some train tracks. I assume the part where people stop watching is the moment the baby gets crushed, but after the video ended, I found myself replaying that particular part where the baby gets crushed, just to get a closer look. Does anyone else do that?

Anyway, is there something wrong with me? I feel as though I can describe myself as what you'd call 'normal' in society. I have lots friends I hang out with, I'm not an outcast, and I'm pretty sure I don't have any mental illnesses.

[GordonTS]

No. Not really abnormal, but something you DEFINITELY shouldn't casually talk about outside of it all. Obviously, those sort of things are highly rejected by a lot of people and liking it would probably offset someone. Nothing really wrong with it unless this fascination is driving you to do it to others or yourself.
'
[sp]or driving you to whack it to it[/sp]

[XUZUL]

I can watch anything on Liveleak and not react in any way. I find gory stuff, well, gory and disturbing, but I don't feel revulsion. I instead am curious about it and examine closely.
Most people instead would feel sick, so I don't inform them of this. It's not bad unless you make it bad.

[Banandana]

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;46422171]It's not bad unless you make it bad.[/QUOTE]

That is literally how I feel about awkwardness. It's only awkward if someone makes it awkward.

Like why do people literally say 'awkward silence' when there's a silence. I don't think it's awkward but it's funny how others are so uncomfortable with silence that they have to break it to feel better.

[Taepodong-2]

Well today when I had class with that girl I went for lunch with on tuesday she didn't seem to be as talkative as usual. Now I feel like I did something to piss her off but I have no idea what that would have been and that's probably not the case and I'm just worrying over nothing.

[Tinn]

[QUOTE=5/3/4/3;46420232]so there's something i discovered about myself that kinda spooked me

I don't get squeamish/revolted around gory, morbid, and gross shit as much as -basically- any of my friends around me would. I don't know how it started, but the earliest I remember was when I took a look at the encyclopedia dramatica offended page. I scrolled down (God forbid), and drank in the sights that were thrust towards my immediate vision. Of course like anyone I was disturbed and startled at these sights, but then I became fascinated at all of these weird things that I was getting shown. I don't want to go into detail though.

Strangely enough, I found myself going back to that page like, once a year just because of my odd fascination. I also remember seeing this strange isis video where these terrorists were drivebying random civilians and executing them in a line. Of course I was a bit disturbed, but I found myself getting fascinated at their coordination and precision doing such horrible acts.

Then recently, I for some reason clicked a liveleak video link on this site where a baby was getting crushed under some train tracks. I assume the part where people stop watching is the moment the baby gets crushed, but after the video ended, I found myself replaying that particular part where the baby gets crushed, just to get a closer look. Does anyone else do that?

Anyway, is there something wrong with me? I feel as though I can describe myself as what you'd call 'normal' in society. I have lots friends I hang out with, I'm not an outcast, and I'm pretty sure I don't have any mental illnesses.[/QUOTE]

As long you don't derive satisfaction with death or want to perform those acts on anybody or yourself, you should be fine.
If you feel (not in a curious "what-if" imagination but actually mentally preparing yourself) like you want to perform actions, seek help. Look up phone numbers for a help line and call them.