Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Loopoo]

Had a misunderstanding today between my pub group. I was sitting with the girl I'm attracted to (she's really sweet and I feel I can relax around her and not worry about putting on appearances) in the pub, waiting for the other members to arrive, and she was showing me pictures on her phone. She then got a text message and it popped up near the top, and I saw my name so I read it before I realised I was, and it was a text from one of the guys and I saw something along the lines of "We're all hoping <my name> isn't there". I didn't say anything and I didn't bring it up, and I did my best to pretend everything was cool, but I went from feeling really happy to all of a sudden feeling awful.

Her friends arrived, and the guy that sent the text was there, and all I could think was "I don't want to make it awkward for the girl I like, since she invited me" so I did my best to act normal, but then I told everyone that I had to leave in 40 mins since I was tired and it was late.

Anyways, I get home, I call the girl who invited me later on, and she clears everything up and says I misinterpreted the text, but I really feel confused. I'm almost positive the guy said something along the lines of the rest of the group hoping I wasn't there, so I can't tell if the girl who invited me is just trying to look out for my feelings, or if I honestly did misinterpret it.

I feel really weird now because I can't help but think there's going to be an elephant in the room next time we hang out (between me and the rest of the group).

At least the bright side to the event is the fact that I'm quite sure the girl who invited me likes me. So I guess I got that going for me. She said she was really worried she'd done something to upset me, and it made my night that she randomly messaged me out of the blue asking if we could hang out at the start of the night.

[Taepodong-2]

Also related to this girl, I got her number on tuesday and haven't texted her yet. I'm not sure if I should if I don't really have anything important to say or not. It's really strange because a couple years ago I was more comfortable texting girls, but as I've gotten less awkward around them in person, I've become progressively more uncomfortable with texting them.

[editline]6th November 2014[/editline]

Basically how do I text a girl I'm interested in like a normal person?

[Remedial Math]

"hey what's up"

that is literally it, if she wants to talk to you at all she'll reply and then you can go from there

a good mark if someone's interested is that they'll look to try to keep a conversation going if one falters to a stop. that doesn't mean you should try to just kill any conversation to see if they want to keep talking, but if you sart with something small and they reply, you've got your in

at that point talk about literally fucking anything, it's not that hard

[Remedial Math]

sometimes though you fuck up and it gets weird

like i was talking with this girl and the convo was going well and then i said something and she didn't reply and i know she's fucking been on facebook since then so why did she not reply to me you bitch and now i can't send another message to try and keep talking since then i'll look needy and weird goddamn you you ruined everything

time to join trp

[Quality Control]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46429494]sometimes though you fuck up and it gets weird

like i was talking with this girl and the convo was going well and then i said something and she didn't reply and i know she's fucking been on facebook since then so why did she not reply to me you bitch and now i can't send another message to try and keep talking since then i'll look needy and weird goddamn you you ruined everything

time to join trp[/QUOTE]

no you wont

[XUZUL]

Coming to rant about this since I have nobody else to talk to.

My classmates are so morally incorrect. We had planned on studying together today for tomorrow's exam. When I asked if it was still going to happen the host denied, however I heard him talking to other people about "seeing each other in the evening".
If they don't want me around, that is fine, I won't hold it against them, but god damn it, be honest about it and just tell me. I constantly keep telling them to not hold their thoughts but as usual they don't give a damn about what I think. It's so annoying. And the fact that it happens on the Internet too, anywhere, even here on FP, is so saddening.

[Remedial Math]

[QUOTE=a-k-t-w;46430628]no you wont[/QUOTE]

"sorry i don't talk much on facebook haha yeah i'll be there tonight, want to get dinner or osmething?"

and i didn't even have to neg her

[Taepodong-2]

So that girl I liked earlier in the year who told me she just wants to be friends, she's at the point where she totally ignores my existence now, even though she said she still wanted to be friends with me, and we agreed that we would still be friends. I don't even feel like I can talk to her about this because things have gotten progressively more and more awkward over these past few months. I can never even get a chance to talk to her anyway because her stupid friend is always around and she never stops talking to her long enough for me to get a word in.

[editline]7th November 2014[/editline]

I know, I met a new girl recently and shouldn't dwell on the past, but the fact that I liked her and still do but she never felt the same way isn't what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that we were supposed to still be friends but now we're at the point where we just do not talk to each other.

[Genericenemy]

Does anyone else feel like a ghost around their friends? I just get the feeling that I could sit their in total silence and they would act like I'm not there. I honestly can't remember the last time any of them struck up any form of casual conversation with me. I'm honestly considering cutting contact with them when I finish college because of it.

[XUZUL]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;46433919]Does anyone else feel like a ghost around their friends? I just get the feeling that I could sit their in total silence and they would act like I'm not there. I honestly can't remember the last time any of them struck up any form of casual conversation with me. I'm honestly considering cutting contact with them when I finish college because of it.[/QUOTE]

You've described every day of my life. My classmates don't care about my presence, as if they don't feel it.
Don't stay with people who make you feel invisible. There are plenty more that will be glad to talk to you.

[Banandana]

Since when is telling a girl how 'pretty and bright like the sun' they are and how they 'wish to be one of her loved ones' ever ok if the person saying it has a girlfriend already.

I'm astounded by how many people just don't get that some things aren't cool. Like the [I]two separate occasions by two different people[/I] who told another friend of mine (an international student) that it's [I]ok in this country to have two boyfriends[/I]. Where the fuck do these people come from? I really feel bad for all the girls who have to put up with this shit.

[ROFLBURGER]

Suggestions on where I should go/ what I should do to get out of the house and meet people as an 18 year old male?

Most friends are too busy with uni so we can't really do shit anymore. Most of my steam friends just do other things or are just dumb sometimes. (I have like 18ish steam friends who are actual friends)

ie the 4 of us were going to fuck around but usually one think's he's cool livestreams with 4-6 viewers while animating shit or the other just stops playing with us and plays counter-strike

[RocketRacer]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;46433919]Does anyone else feel like a ghost around their friends? I just get the feeling that I could sit their in total silence and they would act like I'm not there. I honestly can't remember the last time any of them struck up any form of casual conversation with me. I'm honestly considering cutting contact with them when I finish college because of it.[/QUOTE]

I used to be like that a year ago when I just moved and started to adapt to new coutry and society. Now I'm completely open to everyone and feel at home because I found a group of people I can do same stuff with what I've been doing with my friends from previous country(flagdog), same humor and interests and etc.

[XUZUL]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;46435091]I used to be like that a year ago when I just moved and started to adapt to new coutry and society. Now I'm completely open to everyone and feel at home because I found a group of people I can do same stuff with what I've been doing with my friends from previous country(flagdog), same humor and interests and etc.[/QUOTE]

Lucky you, I've met my "friends" 3 years ago and don't feel at ease yet. They're just totally uninterested in me whatsoever. When I ask them what's up, they reply "nothing" without asking me back. When other people do it though it's all right.

Fortunately I have my girlfriend. I constantly feel totally at ease and am happy. She is a lifesaver, truly.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;46435211]Lucky you, I've met my "friends" 3 years ago and don't feel at ease yet. They're just totally uninterested in me whatsoever. When I ask them what's up, they reply "nothing" without asking me back.[/QUOTE]

At the risk of sounding shitty, it sounds like they don't really want to be friends with you for one reason or another. There are plenty of people out there who you would get along with well - don't waste your time trying to be friends with people who won't give you the time of day.

I had a group of "friends" like that in high school and one day I decided to just stop forcing my way into their group during lunch or going out of my way to talk to them. Never heard from any of them again.

[Lf751]

The best way to know if someone is truly your friend is by fucking their family pet and staring them in the eyes, if they don't intervene or call the police then they're the ones!

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

Same goes for girlfriends but involving their parents instead of the family pet.

[Loopoo]

So I never really liked clubbing, but it turns out I was just with the wrong group of people / wrong club when I'd gone in the past. I went yesterday and it was such an incredible experience, strobelights are the shit.

I had no idea it could be so much more fun if you were surrounded by the right friends

[Remedial Math]

so we had a party last night (had to postpone our party for a week to finish the newspaper thing) and a girl I haven't talked to much was there and we talked a lot and i thought we hit it off really well, i feel like--at the very least--she enjoyed my company, if not just actually liked me

problem is we were both super drunk so i can't tell if she actually did like me or if she's just a flirty drunk

i guess the smart thing to do is to just talk to her on tuesday and see if we hit it off just as well then or something

her eyes though goddamn

like i'm at home and sober but just the memory makes me all flustered and stuff. she cute yo

[Remedial Math]

actually now that i think about it i can't really remember the conversation and knowing how i get when i'm drunk that means i probably more or less just said the same thing again and again but i know she enjoyed talking to me for some reason so maybe she's into me

i have no idea why she would be but it seems that way

[Lf751]

Hahahaha

[Remedial Math]

thank you for the feedback

[Taepodong-2]

Fuck, I still have no idea how to text this girl. It's not that I have no idea what to say, it's just that when I text a girl that I like I absolutely hate waiting for replies. I know I can't expect someone to reply instantly but it always seems like it takes forever for them to respond to me, especially because when I see girls texting in real life it seems like they check their phone and then respond to the text immediately. And she's obviously expecting me to text her at some point because she gave me her number, but it's just difficult for me to do this.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

And then she'd probably ask how my weekend is going and then I could lie and say it's good or I could tell the truth and tell her it's really fucking shitty and my step dad's funeral was today but this really isn't something I want to dump on her yet.

[Remedial Math]

if you did just dump it all on her that could go two ways

one, she stops talking to you to avoid walkng into a trainwreck

two, she wants to help you "feel better" and will help you feel better wink wink wink nudge

[Taepodong-2]

oh god now I was dicking around with my phone and accidentally hit her name on my contacts page and it immediately went to dial her number I hope I hung up fast enough for her phone to not ring

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

Alright, just sent this.

"Hey it's ___. How's your weekend going so far?" This is a good first text, right? I had to put my name in because she doesn't have my number yet.

[Remedial Math]

you're still overthinking this

[Banandana]

people actually think about this?

[Remedial Math]

people with anxiety do, yes

that's not a bad thing, but there's no right answer

you're 100% overthinking it, just go with the flow. if you start to really analyze the things you get hung up on and play them out to the way they could end then you start to realize it's not really a rational thing to worry about

example:

situation) oh dear i didn't send a perfect first text

possible outcomes:

a) she doesn't notice
b) she notices but doesn't mind because who would care about that
c) she notices, laughs, says "well that's weird" and then you play it off
d) she gets enraged, comes to your house, and breaks your kneecaps

which one of those seems most likely

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Banandana;46444152]people actually think about this?[/QUOTE]

I get really bad anxiety about texting girls I like. I always feel like the slightest slip up is the difference between a friendly and/or flirty text they want to respond to and a creepy text they ignore. At least I'm getting better at not freaking out when it takes 20+ minutes for someone to respond though, which is exactly what's happening now but I know she's probably not ignoring me on purpose because she said she was probably going home this weekend so she's probably just hanging out with her family or something.

[Remedial Math]

dude i also have that problem and it turns out the only solution that works is to just not care

send text and close your phone/facebook and wait

[Banandana]

Just for the record, it was supposed to be a non-serious post and kind of humorous. Sorry if it came off as uncaring or insensitive.

I understand having social anxiety, and I wish the best to you, Taepodong-2.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46444202]I get really bad anxiety about texting girls I like. I always feel like the slightest slip up is the difference between a friendly and/or flirty text they want to respond to and a creepy text they ignore. At least I'm getting better at not freaking out when it takes 20+ minutes for someone to respond though, which is exactly what's happening now but I know she's probably not ignoring me on purpose because she said she was probably going home this weekend so she's probably just hanging out with her family or something.[/QUOTE]

And I get this. It's annoying when you want to either not send another text, but I've always assumed after the third, there's no point. Otherwise it comes off bad. And space those texts out too, just so it's not giving the impression that you're staring at your phone, waiting for a reply.

People vary, so there's no way of just 'knowing' what to do, and it's always best to test the waters with people and don't worry too much about being creepy. It's all a learning experience.