Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Taepodong-2]

I never used to be like this, it's because there was one girl a couple years ago who I used to text all the time and it turned out she wasn't interested in me at all and was just being nice so that's why I get so bad when it comes to texting. She was the first girl I liked who I asked for her number and the first girl I liked who I texted so having that bad first experience really fucked me up.

[Banandana]

Never assume context with anyone. If you're texting someone, you're only texting them. If you're going to get lunch, you're going to get lunch.

Only when it's explicitly stated, in either physical or verbal cues is something ever romantically charged. In most cases, because everyone's different, it's good to be clear and upfront if what you're doing is a date.

In your case, you can't expect anything more than a conversation from a text.

[PuduEbooks]

I remember the first time I texted.to my current girlfriend. My brain was so spaghetti that we somehow talked for hours about physics and the cosmos in general.
Jesus, I didn't even liked her at that time. But somehow it made her eager to see me soon.

[Taepodong-2]

Alright, she texted back so at least I know she's not ignoring me and it sounds like she does want to talk to me. I haven't responded yet because I used to read a lot of PUA shit back when I was a total retard so I still subconsciously think back to that shit and have the whole "don't text back too quickly or you'll come across as desperate" mentality.

[Banandana]

Uhh, I would only be concerned if you responded in less than 10 seconds.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

Which my record is 3 seconds, and I freaked this one girl out on facebook.

[Taepodong-2]

So basically if anyone can take anything from this, never read PUA shit if you're uncomfortable with girls because it will fuck you up and make you an even more awkward mess. I feel like this should be in the OP of the thread or something because seriously I absolutely regret reading any PUA shit I feel like it just made me worse.

[Remedial Math]

i've never liked the term pickup artist, to me it puts a weird status on relationships, like it's a prize you're here to claim

if you like a girl and she probably likes you back ask her if she wants to go get a meal ezpz

then you get in dem pants and its game on yo

[Banandana]

the pants are never the end goal

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

I know it's a joke but really, some people are so delusional they need to be told.

[Remedial Math]

i know that was mostly a joke mostly

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

i think i'll see if that girl wants to go get dinner or something sometime

it's only tricky because we were both really drunk and i don't really know how that dynamic works

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Banandana;46444393]the pants are never the end goal

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

I know it's a joke but really, some people are so delusional they need to be told.[/QUOTE]

I know that's not the end goal. Although when I first met her I did more or less tell her the only reason I decided to talk to her at first was because her hair is this reddish purple colour and I thought that was hot as fuck so she knows I'm talking to her in a romantic context, or at least I'd assume she does.

[Remedial Math]

that's not necessarily a bad way to start a convo either but now that she totally knows that you can't really beat around the bush (that part comes later if you catch my drift)

[Taepodong-2]

And well she did consider when we went for lunch to be a date. She made a joke about instead of going to class we could get drunk instead and make it a "special" date :v:

[Remedial Math]

WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU SEND THE PERFECT TEXT WHEN SHE CLEARLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

like the problem isn't that you get stuck on certain things because that's understandable

it's that you get stuck on them way after they're relevant or important and overthink things you've already passed

[Taepodong-2]

Ok I'll shut up now I've never had a girl be interested in me so I always look for the slightest hint they might be and end up overthinking things when that's totally unnecessary. I should just take things as they come because this just makes me more awkward and I end up interpreting things the wrong way.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

I'm over the anxiety of texting her though, it's usually just that first time that's the worse for me.

[Remedial Math]

basically overthinking a situation is never a good idea because the chances that you're CORRECTLY analyzing it are really really low. trust me.

[Banandana]

Remedial Math, what is it with you today

your posts are extra awesome today

also taepodong-2 if she said that shit you're WAY overthinking things

for fucks sake she jokes about getting drunk with you

like you're set, she prob likes you too

[Taepodong-2]

The reason I asked her out so soon after meeting her was because I didn't want to overthink things for once. And here I am overthinking things.

[Banandana]

stop fucking thinking about it

lets go play csgo or something

[Remedial Math]

[QUOTE=Banandana;46444738]Remedial Math, what is it with you today

your posts are extra awesome today

also taepodong-2 if she said that shit you're WAY overthinking things

for fucks sake she jokes about getting drunk with you

like you're set, she prob likes you too[/QUOTE]

i've been hungover all day, i think it's granting me super reasoning

you know how when you jerk off you're immediately able to make clearer decisions? this is like that I think

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

i hope when you said extra waesome you just meant "on point" otherwise that was a weird response

[ROFLBURGER]

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46434480]Suggestions on where I should go/ what I should do to get out of the house and meet people as an 18 year old male?

Most friends are too busy with uni so we can't really do shit anymore. Most of my steam friends just do other things or are just dumb sometimes. (I have like 18ish steam friends who are actual friends)

ie the 4 of us were going to fuck around but usually one think's he's cool livestreams with 4-6 viewers while animating shit or the other just stops playing with us and plays counter-strike[/QUOTE]

Anyone?

[Remedial Math]

if i jerked off right now i could probably solve world hunger ith all my pent up clarity tbh

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46444959]Anyone?[/QUOTE]

you're asking about what you can do to get out of the house and meet people at 18? 18 is the prime age to get out and do shit (i mean technically that's 21 since you can go to bars and stuff but that's mostly overrated)

are you still in school? if you're in school, join a club or something. literally anything. literally ANYTHING.

if you're not then idk go to school anyway and just go to club meetings? that's probably legal. i don't know sorry

try meetup.com and find a cool group of people?

[Banandana]

hookah lounges are nice if you're under 21, you don't even need to be smoking

[ROFLBURGER]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46444961]you're asking about what you can do to get out of the house and meet people at 18? 18 is the prime age to get out and do shit (i mean technically that's 21 since you can go to bars and stuff but that's mostly overrated)

are you still in school? if you're in school, join a club or something. literally anything. literally ANYTHING.

if you're not then idk go to school anyway and just go to club meetings? that's probably legal. i don't know sorry

try meetup.com and find a cool group of people?[/QUOTE]

I tried looked at places nearby, there are no groups out there. Most of it involves moms or owning something.

I'm not in school. I graduated this summer and I'm not in uni or college. I wanted to take a year off and get shit done (solve mental issues, try new things, have new responsibilities) but that didnt go to well.

I literally sit on my ass all day, play games, program, or help friends with programming.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

Thanks for the response, though.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46444748]The reason I asked her out so soon after meeting her was because I didn't want to overthink things for once. And here I am overthinking things.[/QUOTE]

Don't know how applicable this would be, but I used to worry as much as you do and now I'm just honest when I talk to people instead. If I'm interested in someone I will not shy away from asking them out. If something's bothering me and my friend asks me, I'll just tell them - even if it means saying "yeah, I was sexually assaulted two weeks ago and I've been having panic attacks". Some people do not appreciate that level of openness, but there are a lot of people who think it's an amazing quality to have. It's incredibly liberating to just say what you think instead of trying to be strategic with every social situation.

Regardless of what you say out loud, unless you're a really good actor, your intentions are going to be clear from the way you interact with that person. If you have a ton of plans for the future sitting behind every text you send, it's just going to seem like you're hiding something. You don't have to be super honest and open with your thoughts, but try to focus on the situation at hand rather than what will happen a few days from now. If you're having a conversation with this girl, just have the conversation, don't sit around wondering about how this will contribute to what she thinks of you. No matter how hard you try, she's still going to form a pretty accurate perception of what you want from her, so don't concern yourself with trying to hide it. [b]Trying to manipulate someone will not get you the results you want if you aren't highly skilled at being manipulative.[/b]

[editline]9th November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46444992]I tried looked at places nearby, there are no groups out there. Most of it involves moms or owning something.

I'm not in school. I graduated this summer and I'm not in uni or college. I wanted to take a year off and get shit done (solve mental issues, try new things, have new responsibilities) but that didnt go to well.

I literally sit on my ass all day, play games, program, or help friends with programming.

[editline]8th November 2014[/editline]

Thanks for the response, though.[/QUOTE]

All these things are 100% within your control and are [b]your[/b] responsibility to fix. You took a year off to "get shit done" but you aren't doing that. Shrugging and saying "that didn't go too well" is not the solution to your problems.

- Write a list of general goals you have and start thinking of ways you can improve on those things. If you want to try new things, think of a general progression for that. For instance, learning to be independent is probably a good direction to take, so you may want to start doing things on your own like grocery shopping, cooking, looking for a job etc (just some examples). I would strongly suggest you take your personal health into account as well - "sitting on your ass all day" (your words) is not healthy and is almost certainly contributing to those emotional issues you alluded to. Improve your physical health and your emotional health will follow.

- My own strategy for dealing this was to do one thing every day that made me uncomfortable. I used to be pretty socially awkward and have gotten to be a lot more social just by going out of my way to talk to people even when the thought of it made me uncomfortable. Doing things that make you uncomfortable is how you expand your comfort zone.

[Remedial Math]

if you can afford it or get it on your health plan, a therapist would be super helpful

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46445046]if you can afford it or get it on your health plan, a therapist would be super helpful[/QUOTE]

To add to this:

To anyone in college, many colleges offer free counseling services. School counselors will see you for non-academic issues as well, such as mood disorders (I've been seeing one at my school for PTSD regarding what happened a few weeks ago). This thread is a great place to get perspectives of others, but keep in mind that nobody in this thread is professionally trained to deal with these issues and there's always the risk that we'll give counterproductive advice. I strongly suggest that anyone struggling with mental/emotional problems speak to a counselor if it's possible rather than relying on us for advice.

[ROFLBURGER]

I absolutely know what you're saying and I'm aware of it, and I'm trying to look for operating ties to improve. It's just that I don't know what to even do, and when I do know, I'm just too down to do it.

I looked for a job, I got one, quit because it was too much for me.
I'm trying cooking, but the only thing I know how to make is pasta and tastes like trash.
I tried driving, it was okay but my father isn't really around to teach me.

As for therapy, it's literally impossible to get good mental healthcare.
I was on a 6 month waiting list. When I got a therapist, she was fucking in training and was inexperienced as shit who literally helped me with nothing at the end. I even told her what was wrong and she didn't understand anything and basically said "oh you have daddy issues".

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46445068]I absolutely know what you're saying and I'm aware of it, and I'm trying to look for operating ties to improve. It's just that I don't know what to even do, and when I do know, I'm just too down to do it.

I looked for a job, I got one, quit because it was too much for me.
I'm trying cooking, but the only thing I know how to make is pasta and tastes like trash[/QUOTE]

Again, I'm absolutely not a professional so I might not be the most help, but if you'd like to talk about this personally you're more than welcome to contact me on Steam. I've been through something similar and might be able to help you figure out where to go from here.

[editline]9th November 2014[/editline]

And I'm currently food-comatose after making turkey chili, sweet potato casserole, pumpkin pie, and (more recently) waffles with sweet wine... so I may be able to give some advice in the food department as well.

[Remedial Math]

the problem with just being blunt with someone about asking them out is that it is scary

i don't want to do it myself even though she'll probably say yes because i don't want it to be weird if she says no but if i do what i told you to do and play through all the options, it really won't be that bad

scenario: ask girl out

a) best case: "omg i've been waiting for you to ask me"

b) likely case: "Yeah sure, sounds great." (casual but vaguely excited or something

c) unlikely case: "oh no thanks i have a boyfriend and we're very happy together"

d) very unlikely case: "oh no thanks i have a girlfriend and we're very happy together"

e) worst possible case: "no and I'm reporting you for sexual harassment and you'll be expelled have fun at mcdonalds shitlord"

of those the likely result is a or b, possibly c. e will not happen even though my worst fear about the situation is something like that (or she says "ew gross" and i somehow get alienated from the group) but realiastically that won't happen because that's not what sane people do

[ROFLBURGER]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46445072]Again, I'm absolutely not a professional so I might not be the most help, but if you'd like to talk about this personally you're more than welcome to contact me on Steam. I've been through something similar and might be able to help you figure out where to go from here.
[/QUOTE]

You're one of the few good people on here. Thank you.