Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[blerb]

I'm just venting right now, so I apologize for any seemingly incomplete thoughts.

I cannot stop thinking about sex. I know that's likely common for a guy my age, but I just can't muster up the courage to go out and pursue it. It's frustrating. I've been told that I'm handsome on multiple occasions, so it's no longer my looks that bring down my confidence. It's my personality.

I'm just incredibly stoic. I don't show a lot of emotion, if any at all. I am monotonous as fuck, and it turns off every woman I've tried to kindle anything with. I recently started a new job, and I met a gorgeous woman who was clearly interested in me. Within 2 weeks she went from wanting to hang out, to telling me she'd rather just remain friends at work.

I know this shit is going to happen all the time, and to be quite honest, that specific occurrence really doesn't bother me. We didn't have anything in common. But, that's where I have a problem. Finding someone who I share interests with in my area, who will be okay with a social robot, is going to be nigh impossible.

I don't know if that's okay, either. I spent a long time in a mundane relationship, which I was only in out of societal pressure. Didn't want to be alone, what will dad think of me?, et cetera. I know that's not what a "real" relationship is about, of course, but even the slightest semblance of negativity from a person is enough to put me in a terrible mood.

I was just so used to treading so carefully. I had to delete my FB search history because my ex would assume I was cheating on her with the girls that I had looked at. I had to cut out numerous people in my life simply because she was jealous of our friendship. I suppose it's somewhat justified, but it still hurt at the time, and I am still sour because of it.

It's best not to dwell, though. Thinking of these things doesn't invoke any negative emotion in me though, so I'd like to think it's actually a good thing that I can look at my previous subjective experiences in an objective light. It might raise a few premature red flags in future relationships, but life is about learning from your mistakes, or so I'm told any way.

But yeah, there are plenty of women I know that I'd love to ask out. The problem is that I don't want to commit to a relationship, I just want a friend to fuck and hang out with. No bullshit, no expectations. Problem is "hanging out" with me involves watching Game Grumps, reading ancient books, and playing video games. Gee, how mysterious.

I just feel that I am not interesting to women. In my area, they're into guys who hunt/fish, listen to country, and drive bigass trucks. Not all of course, but most. All of the women I share interests with, as I've said, lose interest because I'm severely socially inept.

That's the thing, too. I can hold a conversation quite well, with clear diction and direction. I just can't do it when I'm nervous. I'm afraid I'll offend them or hurt them or anger them in some way. I don't really know what causes it, either. I know it's likely just a deep-rooted part of my general character, but how do I change that? Do I force myself to think of that each time I enter a social situation, and force myself to act differently? Do I study a certain branch of psychology relating to this social anxiety to try and find a cause/answer? Both of those seem like good ideas, but of course, the actual challenge comes with identification and implementation.

Anyways yeah I'm done venting I guess. I just really need to get laid. I know that is gross and is basically objectifying the person I should be building a legitimate relationship with, but man, my sexual frustration is at it's peak.

I'm not really asking for advice per se but I'd like to hear your opinions.

[Remedial Math]

i know thsi probably isnt what you want to hear but getting laid is not going to fix anything, just jerk off. you're better at it than she'll be, you know exactly how to do it to make it as efficient as possible, and more importantly you can do it basically whenever you want, barring physical restraints like refractory periods and dickburn or societal restraints like trying to jerk off in public

seriously i understand how you feel but i guarantee that won't fix it

if you really insist on getting laid and you feel like that's 100% going to fix it and you want no other strings attached then go to a brothel or check backpages.com (i think that's what it's called) and find someone near you or do whatever

but you won't do that because we both know you don't just want to bone down, you want to bone down with someone that matters and cares about you that you also care for. i guarantee there's a girl out there that wants a piece of your weird self, just gotta find her

also it seems like you're hilariously overthinking things. honestly the best thing you could do is get a psychologist but barring that, you need to just not worry about things. i realize that's absurd advice but it's what you need to do. studying a branch of psychology is the kind of answer you come up with when you've thought WAY too hard about a situation. it's theoretically a good answer but i wouldn't really suggest it because that's a crazy overreaction

also you sound like the kind of guy that wears a fedora and i'm not sure if i mean that as an insult or not, more of just an observation

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

and also how old are you because that will change every single answer you get from here probably

are you in school, do you have a job, where do you live (i was gonna guess like alabama but apparently it's canada, i didn't know canada had rednecks but whatever)

[blerb]

I'm aware that it won't solve anything, and I don't really think it's something that needs solving. It's just that I think about sex a lot. It's frustrating, certainly, but it's something I can (and have) live without.

I guess I do want someone I legitimately feel connected to. I'm just scared shitless of getting attached to another girl, only to end up in the same situation I've always been in.

Yes, I'm overthinking it. That was kind of the point though, I like thinking about my personal issues because doing so helps me come to closure with them. When I say "study a branch of psychology" I literally mean googling stuff for an hour and trying to get a vague sense of what the deeper roots of my character might be, not actually going to college/uni specifically to understand my thought processes better.

I don't specifically wear a fedora but you could say I'm a neckbeard kind of guy. I don't really have a problem with being associated with that ilk, either. I've spent the better part of my life feeling like a social outcast anyway, so it's not surprising that I come off that way. I just try to be real nowadays, and if that's how I am perceived, so be it.

I'm 21. I work basically all the time. I live in an Ontario backwater, on the border of Quebec. It is essenrially the Canadian equivalent of the souther States. Rampant racism, sexism, and general bigotry. There are tonnes of nice people, but a lot of assholes and slednecks as well.

I'm not trying to dismiss your points, by the way. I just think I'm in a bad state of mind right now, and it's affecting my ability to think rationally. I'll consider what you've said with a little more concentration.

[blacksam]

Alright, this post has nothing to do with finding a significant other or the pursuit of love. I don't know where else to post this because this is mainly about a social experience I had with this asshole who kept coming to my work.

Recently I had to kick someone out of my university's help room for being an asshole to other students. He had this high attitude about himself saying that everything the kids I'm helping are working on is essentially meaningless and easy.
So I asked him if he likes eating these guys out.
"haha the correct term is chewing them out."
No, I mean, do you like eating them out? Because you obviously haven't had any success with the ladies with your attitude. So you try this act on these guys here, right? So either get out or shut up about how you're so much better than everyone else.
My boss comes in, he's a retired Vietnam veteran paratrooper. Looks at me, and here I thought for sure I was going to lose my job, looks at the schmuck of a kid and says, "You heard the man, get out."
So the kid leaves. My boss looks at me and says, "Son, you remind me of my Drill Sargent."
Is that a good thing? "Hell no," he smiled "I hated him, but I had a whole lot of respect for him. Keep up the good work."

He asked me to work again next semester. Also, got a girl's number subsequently after yelling at the miserable jerk. I feel like it's that scene in good will hunting where Matt Damon says, "Do you like apples? HOW DO YOU LIKE THESE APPLES?" And smacks the girl's number on the window.

[Psygo]

is going to a bar alone weird?

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

kinda tired of spending friday nights completely alone.

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46537864]What's your pitch? If a girl you're interested asked you "tell me about yourself", how would you respond? (You could also show us whatever you have written in your profile if you feel comfortable with that.)[/QUOTE]

First of all after talking to a dozen girls at school none of them asked me about myself, they would make up lies or just walk away from me.

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

If you mean dating sites, okcupid:
[QUOTE]
[B]My self-summary:[/B]
I don't really have much of a schedule, and I plan on moving out on my own as soon as I can which would be after college. I want to be a cartoonist or 2D character designer. I am very shy and lack friends but I am willing to make some friends.

[B]What I'm doing with my life[/B]
I'll be out this summer and going to get a part time job before college.

[B]I'm really good at:[/B]
Cartooning, geography, history, video games, poetry, stuff like that.

[B]Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food:[/B]
Music: Pink Floyd, Radiohead, King Crimson, Tame Impala, Porcupine Tree, Yes, Genesis
Movies: Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, The Big Lebowski, Hot Fuzz (and more that I can't think of atm)
Shows: Adventure Time, Futurama, Rick and Morty, Family Guy, Robot Chicken
Video Games: Aything by Valve, Rockstar, Bethesda, Paradox, etc.

[B]The Six things I could never do without:[/B]

[B]I spend a lot of time thinking about:[/B]
Stuff regarding different timelines, all kinds of inventions that are psychically impossible (such as a tank that shoots smaller remote controlled tanks) and ideas for a cartoon series or random stories.

[B]On a typical Friday night I am:[/B]
Exploring Jupiter with my best friend, Mr. T-Rex Robot.

[B]You should message me if:[/B]
You want to join me and my adventures on Jupiter[/QUOTE]

POF:
[QUOTE]
[B]Interests:[/B]
Computers, Animation, Alternative rock, Progressive rock
Games, Video games, Cartoons, Geography, History, Art
Drawing, Gaming, Movies, Politics, Comedy, Music

[B]About Daniel:[/B]
Hey, I have an INTP personality type and am looking for someone who has the same interests as me. I am 19 years old and I am eventually going to move out after I go to college, I am shy and need someone to share my time with. I like rock music (specifically alternative and progressive) and I love cartoons such as Adventure Time and Futurama because I want to eventually create my own cartoon series or begin a career in illustration and maybe even animation. I usually play video games mostly on my computer, I try my best to be intelligent and I try to work to achieve my goals. I've never been in a relationship before and I am looking to find someone. Sometimes I can be funny but it depends on my mood.

I want someone who likes video games about as much as I do (preferably PC but it doesn't matter that much) has open taste in music, is kind and funny. I like people who are into art and drawing, and if possible someone to talk to about politics, history and geography. I don't know why but I love Star Wars, dinosaurs and pumpkins. I still have a childish side to me although I have somewhat matured over the years.[/QUOTE]

This is what I look like (not shaving this movember)

[IMG]http://k1.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/160x160/160x160/142x34/483x375/2/17899248644672869169.webp?v=2[/IMG]

[Remedial Math]

you should probably shave this movember

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

also why didn't you answer the "six things i can't live without" question, that shows a lot about your personality

and also what the hell are the jupiter bits

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=blerb;46540032]I'm aware that it won't solve anything, and I don't really think it's something that needs solving. It's just that I think about sex a lot. It's frustrating, certainly, but it's something I can (and have) live without.

I guess I do want someone I legitimately feel connected to. I'm just scared shitless of getting attached to another girl, only to end up in the same situation I've always been in.

Yes, I'm overthinking it. That was kind of the point though, I like thinking about my personal issues because doing so helps me come to closure with them. When I say "study a branch of psychology" I literally mean googling stuff for an hour and trying to get a vague sense of what the deeper roots of my character might be, not actually going to college/uni specifically to understand my thought processes better.

I don't specifically wear a fedora but you could say I'm a neckbeard kind of guy. I don't really have a problem with being associated with that ilk, either. I've spent the better part of my life feeling like a social outcast anyway, so it's not surprising that I come off that way. I just try to be real nowadays, and if that's how I am perceived, so be it.

I'm 21. I work basically all the time. I live in an Ontario backwater, on the border of Quebec. It is essenrially the Canadian equivalent of the souther States. Rampant racism, sexism, and general bigotry. There are tonnes of nice people, but a lot of assholes and slednecks as well.

I'm not trying to dismiss your points, by the way. I just think I'm in a bad state of mind right now, and it's affecting my ability to think rationally. I'll consider what you've said with a little more concentration.[/QUOTE]

don't let the one shitty relationship you were in color your experience with all girls, just because one girl was super crazy doesn't mean they all are, even in redneck canada.

the best thing for you to do is to try and get out and meet people somehow. hang out with coworkers after work, go to the gym, do SOMETHING. try meetup.com, it's weird and strange and it's not going to be comfortable but it's a fantastic resource and it'd be good for you

also you said slednecks and i can't tell if you misspelled rednecks or if you call canadian rednecks slednecks because of all the snow, and if so that's fantastic and i will try to use that word more often

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46541688]also why didn't you answer the "six things i can't live without" question, that shows a lot about your personality[/QUOTE]

Because

1) You
2) My computer
3) Pumpkin pie
4) Internet
5) Video games
6) Pencils

[Remedial Math]

change 1, 2/4 is redundant, 5 is questionable, otherwise that's pretty solid. "Pencils" is just vaguely interesting enough that it might catch someone's eye, same with pumpkin pie.

[Daniel Smith]

1) Oxygen
2) Dihydrogen Monoxide
3) Pumpkin pie
4) Internet
5) Music
6) Pencils

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

Finally shaved

[IMG]http://cdn.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/160x160/160x160/0x208/720x928/2/7680007934493342365.jpg[/IMG]

[Remedial Math]

3-6 are solid, keep working on 1/2. they don't even need to be particularly interesting, just something that shows a bit of character. I think for mine, 5. was "Incomplete Lists" and 6. was blank. made me laugh.

also you look much better shaved

[Catshit]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46541743]Because

1) You
2) My computer
3) Pumpkin pie
4) Internet
5) Video games
6) Pencils[/QUOTE]

So? :o
Most people on OKCupid don't take anything too heavily.
I mean shit, this is/was mine lmfao
[IMG]http://puu.sh/cZOiT/acdcd9a5d9.png[/IMG]

Most people if they don't find somethin' that catches their interest will probably skip over to a new profile.
They won't really judge you nor think you're bad or anything just 'oh they're not my type ok'
Just put down what you feel and maybe go back every few days/weeks and see if there's anything new to add.
Don't let yourself worry about the stuff too much and just wrtie down what makes you, you.
You wanna find someone who will like [I]you[/I], right?
So just right down how ya are and whomever messages you will be interested in You. :3

[Remedial Math]

boy you really do like cats

[Catshit]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46542086]boy you really do like cats[/QUOTE]

yes.
a lot.
I love them.
I love cats so much.
Cats are love, cats are life.
Cats are perfect. I love cats.

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46541902]1) Oxygen
2) Dihydrogen Monoxide
3) Pumpkin pie
4) Internet
5) Music
6) Pencils[/QUOTE]

I just didn't even fill it out. I felt like making them was a test to see how pseudo-witty you could be in 6 words

[Remedial Math]

that's kind of the point

[Daniel Smith]

I found a girl wearing a gas mask in her profile picture

Every facepunch user's true GF

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Psygo;46541054]is going to a bar alone weird?

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

kinda tired of spending friday nights completely alone.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it is kinda weird. You're probably not going to meet anyone there and thus you'll look creepy or alcoholic, one of the two.

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46542158]that's kind of the point[/QUOTE]

Everyone's ends up being different combinations of

- air
- water
- internet
- netflix
- some type of animal or plants
- family
- friends
- the sun

etc.

[Remedial Math]

it's not weird, don't be an asshole

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46542183]it's not weird, don't be an asshole[/QUOTE]

Let me rephrase that - if I saw someone going out to drink alone, I would personally think that was weird

[XUZUL]

[QUOTE=Disseminate;46542252]Let me rephrase that - if I saw someone going out to drink alone, I would personally think that was weird[/QUOTE]

Perhaps he's really lonely and wants to drown his sorrow in alcohol.

[Psygo]

to be honest i wouldn't be going just for drinking, i'd be going to meet people.

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

and waste some time.

[Loopoo]

I used to frequent a bar with my buddy a lot last year, but he's left the country now. Since I'm pretty solid with all the bartenders, I go every now and then to drink and chill with them.

I personally wouldn't go to a bar on my own, as I sort of agree with Dis, I'd feel strange doing it alone.

Can you not rope together a few friends to go out?

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=SebiWarrior;46542420]Perhaps he's really lonely and wants to drown his sorrow in alcohol.[/QUOTE]

Ditto but replace alcohol with food and video games and drawing

I'm 12 years old at heart

[blerb]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46541688]don't let the one shitty relationship you were in color your experience with all girls, just because one girl was super crazy doesn't mean they all are, even in redneck canada.

the best thing for you to do is to try and get out and meet people somehow. hang out with coworkers after work, go to the gym, do SOMETHING. try meetup.com, it's weird and strange and it's not going to be comfortable but it's a fantastic resource and it'd be good for you

also you said slednecks and i can't tell if you misspelled rednecks or if you call canadian rednecks slednecks because of all the snow, and if so that's fantastic and i will try to use that word more often[/QUOTE]

Thanks. I've thought a bit about what you said earlier, and I do feel a bit better about my situation. Although, I just finished a 15 hour work day after being fired from my second job, simply because the manager didn't like the way I spoke to her....So I've had a rough day. Oddly enough, I feel somewhat optimistic, even though my life just got a lot harder.

I decided to randomly ask a coworker if she was willing to go out, and she declined because she had a boyfriend. It didn't bother me in the slightest. If anything, I felt a lot better (I was shitcanned 30 minutes previous to this). I had no anxiety approaching women in my workplace and asking if they needed help finding anything in the store, and even managed to crack a few dumbass jokes with them. I feel like a baby taking his first steps.

And yeah, slednecks is what we call our rednecks. Most of them use the term with pride (it's admittedly awesome.)

[XUZUL]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46542707]Ditto but replace alcohol with food and video games and drawing

I'm 12 years old at heart[/QUOTE]

I used to do that when I was depressed. Not very helpful. I was just very passive in life, never took action, and I hated it. Once I realised it and did something about it, and took action I fuckin' enjoyed it, took pride, and life became worth living.
It's funny how it's the small things that keep you going. Taking pride in what you think is right, and valuing your life and abilities.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46541494]My self-summary:
I don't really have much of a schedule, and I plan on moving out on my own as soon as I can which would be after college. I want to be a cartoonist or 2D character designer. I am very shy and lack friends but I am willing to make some friends.

What I'm doing with my life
I'll be out this summer and going to get a part time job before college.[/QUOTE]

I'm going to be honest, if I was looking at your profile I would have moved on as soon as I read this. Everything you wrote here is in future tense - "I'm going to get a part time job", "I'm going to go to college", "I want to be a cartoonist", "I'm willing to make friends". Everything you wrote here tells readers you aren't doing anything with your life right now. You've already managed to tell readers that you have 0 adult responsibilities - no job, no social life, and not in school: what does that leave?

Personally, I also wouldn't want to date someone who makes video games such a big part of their profile. You mention them five times across your two profiles. I play games in my spare time too, but your profile screams "no-life video game addict" right now. "Video games" are [i]not[/i] something you should list as a skill. The last sentence in your POF profile just reinforces that stereotype (seriously, get rid of that line).

You need to find some way to ground yourself in reality. You haven't listed anything you're proud of or have accomplished in your profiles, all you've talked about is art and fiction. Your okcupid profile goes "here is everything I'm not doing with my life, now here are some video games and movies I like".

[Daniel Smith]

Because I don't know how to be an adult or do anything useful, you are right I shouldn't even think of relationships right now

Seriously my life is a mess, I can't even get a job because I'm still in school because I failed grades 9 and 10 even though I'm 19 and I am failing this year because I don't have the motivation to go to school. I don't have the motivation to wake up in the morning because I have nothing to look forward to, that is why I want a relationship but I only now realized that it works the other way around.

[Guy Mannly]

I think you need to look into seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist. It really sounds like you're suffering from severe depression. There's not a lot that anyone in this thread can offer you in the way of coping with that.

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46543720]I think you need to look into seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist. It really sounds like you're suffering from severe depression. There's not a lot that anyone in this thread can offer you in the way of coping with that.[/QUOTE]

I am but pills don't work