Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Guy Mannly]

Have you told your doctor that your medication isn't helping? The type you're on might just not be effective for you.

Are you getting psychotherapy/counseling on top of medication?

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46543807]Have you told your doctor that your medication isn't helping? The type you're on might just not be effective for you.

Are you getting psychotherapy/counseling on top of medication?[/QUOTE]

My parents don't care about me enough to pay for proper therapy

[Guy Mannly]

I think your parents care but are frustrated that they aren't seeing results. You may want to ask your doctor for suggestions on a counselor or something, there are often affordable options. I'm not sure about high school counselors, but colleges often offer free counseling services to students.

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46543875]I think your parents care but are frustrated that they aren't seeing results. You may want to ask your doctor for suggestions on a counselor or something, there are often affordable options. I'm not sure about high school counselors, but colleges often offer free counseling services to students.[/QUOTE]

In my experience all kinds of counselling is just "tell me about yourself and I will write it down and do nothing to help you"

[Remedial Math]

if that were the case then why the hell would we suggest it

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

i get that you think it's easier to just complain about things and not do anything to change them, and that's because it is easier to do that, but it also makes your life generally shitty so stop it

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544034]In my experience all kinds of counselling is just "tell me about yourself and I will write it down and do nothing to help you"[/QUOTE]

I've been seeing a counselor for PTSD for the past few weeks. They're helpful as long as you're willing to work with them. Just showing up at a counselor's office for an hour every week isn't enough - you need to be willing to practice any coping techniques they teach you and take their advice.

Much like those of us posting advice in this thread, a counselor isn't going to be able to force you to fix your life. They can offer professional guidance but it's your responsibility to use that guidance.

[Remedial Math]

if your pills don't work, either tell that to your doctor and change medication/dosage, or go see a doctor that actually cares about you

this isn't rocket science and you're probably going to have to be uncomfortable but that's how you get better

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

what she said

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544034]In my experience all kinds of counselling is just "tell me about yourself and I will write it down and do nothing to help you"[/QUOTE]

you seem to have this very self destructive attitude which isn't going to help. I don't know you personally, but judging from your posts, you don't seem very fixed on getting better. as if you need more reasons to feel sorry for yourself, very bluntly put. not that you're weird or doing anything bad by doing it, I've seen a lot of severely depressed people doing this for whatever reasons they may have. I did as well for a looong time. first step towards getting better is wanting to get better and not coming with excuses or reasons for why you can't get better. if this step isn't in place, you won't get better.

pills, psychiatrists, mental hospitals, you name it, won't fix your life. all of these things are only there to help you fix your own life. pills work like support pillars, and they have no purpose if there's nothing to support.

[Daniel Smith]

My mom won't let me see one and I can't drive

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544272]My mom won't let me see one and I can't drive[/QUOTE]

I'm sure both of us know that this is just an excuse. public transport is an option, and if you live in a remote area with none of that, there are also teams dedicated to visit peoples home to talk there instead if getting out gets hard. your mom can't keep you away from help, and if she makes it hard, I'd recommend talking it out with her and try to explain things to her so she can be more understanding.

bottom line, if you're not willing to make the step to get better yourself, then you won't get better as harsh as it is. I learned that when I sat indoors in my room for over a year, waiting for something to happen. I didn't leave the house, I sat waiting for things to get better. obviously it didn't get better until I actually made the step to get better.

[Daniel Smith]

No money, no options

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544453]No money, no options[/QUOTE]

there's always options. I don't think what I write here will help as it's something you need to figure out yourself, but hopefully I've said something valuable. remember that this is coming from someone who has been at the rock bottom and managed to climb out of it. what SebiWarrior said is very good advice by the way, doing things gives you energy and joy, no matter how small they are. taking action is the best anti depressant!

[Remedial Math]

he's just going to keep shutting down options because it's easier to do that than it is to change

[Daniel Smith]

i might do something small, like try to gather motivation and write/illustrate short stories and go to after school social groups

[OscarLimaEcho]

Sure.

If you don't get a grip and at least TRY to see something through, you will be at the exact same point in your life a year from now.

Inactivity and excuses is the fastest way to a sad life. Even if you don't get depressed by it, it will never do you any favors.

[Remedial Math]

I'm not attacking you, I'm explaining that that's what you're doing.

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544572]
attacking someone who is currently at the bottom and in doubt only hurts everyone, at least i recognize that[/QUOTE]

In other words, he hit the nail on the head? It's normal to feel a bit sorry about yourself, but this isn't the depression and suicidalism echochamber of "woe is me". If you're going to disregard any kind of advice, you're not going to get anywhere.

[Daniel Smith]

So since counselling isn't an option, what are all the things I can do to help myself

(I'll stop posting here after this sorry for derailing)

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544859]So since counselling isn't an option, what are all the things I can do to help myself

(I'll stop posting here after this sorry for derailing)[/QUOTE]

this isn't something we can answer since we don't know you. what works for others will most likely not work for you, and vice versa. this is where counselling comes in if you're not able to help yourself, a support player that knows you and can provide feedback based on you. you need to throw the idea that counselling isn't an option out of your head and do it anyway. if you don't feel that helps after doing it for an extended period of time, then you talk with whoever your psychiatrist is and figure out the next plan.

I don't feel like I can give a direct answer, as I wrote above, but anything that can distract you is a thing you should consider doing. keep yourself occupied doing things you like. exercise, working, doing something productive that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer. I love using the computer myself, but it feels much better to do something that doesn't involve it. might be the case for you as well. you mentioned a group after school, sounds like a great social opportunity! I'd go for that if I were you.

just to toss it in, sometimes we reach a point where we're not able to pull ourselves out of the mess we've gotten ourselves in. I cannot stress this enough, don't try to fix everything yourself and accept the help you can get. counselling is an option, you just need to be more fixed to do it. you're over 18, you're an adult. your mother has no say if you should go or not, and you shouldn't be concerned over travelling. I'm confident they can come home to you and do the counselling there instead.

[OscarLimaEcho]

Well said, but
[QUOTE=PredGD;46544958]I'm confident they can come home to you and do the counselling there instead.[/QUOTE]

This doesn't sound too realistic. However, getting transport to a said counselling shouldn't be impossible.

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;46545124]Well said, but

This doesn't sound too realistic. However, getting transport to a said counselling shouldn't be impossible.[/QUOTE]

I've had psychiatrists come home to me for extended periods since I wasn't able to get out of the door (roughly 8 months) so I assumed that it was sort of realistic? I know there are some teams specifically for it around here, but maybe my case was special since I wasn't able to get out of the door at all, I dunno.

[Loopoo]

You're 19 and live in Canada, don't you have free healthcare over there? You're old enough to get the bus and see someone to help you with whatever problems you have. Dunno if it works the same as the NHS in the UK, but if I needed therapy, I could go queue up, speak to a GP for free, and they could refer me to someone. I may have to wait a few weeks, but that's better than nothing. You talk as if you're completely dependent on your parents. It'd be somewhat understandable if you were under 18, but you're [I]19 dude.[/I]

And if you aren't motivated to study and do well in school, no one but you can change that. You're fucking up your future because you'd rather play video games. I personally can't study at home, too many distractions. I force myself to go to the library even though it's boring as hell, but I get my work done and then get to relax afterwards.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544859]So since counselling isn't an option, what are all the things I can do to help myself

(I'll stop posting here after this sorry for derailing)[/QUOTE]

Eat healthy and try to get regular exercise. Those are the two best things you could possibly be doing for your emotional health right now past getting treatment. Even if "regular exercise" just means walking around outside for an hour, you need to find ways to be active. If you're up for it, cooking is a great pastime to learn that can help you regulate your diet much more easily - it's a lot easier to eat healthy if you know everything going into your meals. Otherwise, just try to focus on getting more fruits/vegetables in your diet (most people don't), drink more water rather than sugary drinks, and try to pick more filling foods over junk food. Having a healthier diet will give you a lot more energy during the day and may provide some of the motivation you need to work on other aspects of your life.

If you want more help then you're welcome to ask or contact me through PM/Steam, but I'm not a dietician and can only offer basic advice.

[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]

And don't worry about derailing, this is exactly what we're here for. I think all of us would like to see you succeed in coping with your depression - it can just be frustrating for some of us regulars here when we feel like we've reached our limits of what we can do to help someone.

[Remedial Math]

if you're crazy depressed, here's more or less the breakdown of how you get healthy

60% is pills, 20% is diet, 20% is exercise. If you were on medication to feel less depressed but you're still not trying to eat right and exercising, you'd only be like halfway better (or at least halfway to your potential)

also it just feels good to do, and if you're out in the canadian wilderness or wherever you are (seriously sledneck is a fantastic term) then just like run or whatever. shovel snow. do SOMETHING. wrestle a moose. tap a tree for that sweet sweet syrup nectar. do something canadian.

go become a lumberjack in your spare time, i'm not even a girl but if i met a guy who was a lumberjack just as a hobby, i'd probably bone down

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46546629]go become a lumberjack in your spare time, i'm not even a girl but if i met a guy who was a lumberjack just as a hobby, i'd probably bone down[/QUOTE]

Apparently women have a thing for huge forearms. I had no idea this was a widespread thing until I saw an Askreddit post about it. There's a whole subreddit specifically for pictures of men's forearms... Either way I'm guessing that's part of the attractiveness of lumberjacks?

[Remedial Math]

fuck if i know but despite me being out of shape i have very well defined forearms. about a year ago i decided to use this to my benefit and i wear a lot more flannel now and just roll the sleeves halfway up my forearm. bizarrely it seems to have attracted girls

[editline]21st November 2014[/editline]

also i have a weird thing for flannel and it's just short of being a fetish and i don't know why i have it or what causes it but it seems to be common

[Guy Mannly]

Maybe lumberjacks are your spirit animal?

[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]

And I usually bare my forearms if I can just because I like showing off my tattoo, no muscles there though

[Psygo]

[QUOTE=loopoo;46542570]I used to frequent a bar with my buddy a lot last year, but he's left the country now. Since I'm pretty solid with all the bartenders, I go every now and then to drink and chill with them.

I personally wouldn't go to a bar on my own, as I sort of agree with Dis, I'd feel strange doing it alone.

Can you not rope together a few friends to go out?[/QUOTE]

I left behind all my friends years ago because I didn't know what the fuck to do.
I've been considering trying to talk to some of them again, but I'm not sure they'd want anything to do with me.

I recently started going to this volunteer thing for lonely people where there's like a couple volunteers and then a group of people who all feel a little lonely.
They set up some stuff for us to do together once a week, and it's pretty fun. I'm hoping it'll help me get out there a bit more.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46544859]So since counselling isn't an option, what are all the things I can do to help myself

(I'll stop posting here after this sorry for derailing)[/QUOTE]

I see the discussions has moved on but sorry, counselling is still 100% an option. If you really wanted to get counselling you would definitely be able to find a way around the excuses you've given us - which are mostly, with no offence intended, pretty lazy excuses. You're still in school so you could even talk to a teacher about it and see what options they provide you but I'm willing to bet you haven't.

From what I've seen of you from this thread, which you've posted in quite regularly, its a very similar pattern each time, and its a pattern I [B]really[/B] think you need to recognize. Essentially:

- You post about how you don't have a girlfriend and really just want a relationship
- After a bit of probing you tell us you're in a really shit place right now but you have some vague plans for the future.
- People in this thread suggest counselling because uniformly and without exception it sounds like you have severe depression, which isn't at all a thing to be embarrassed or ashamed about - but it's something you really need to address head on.

- You come up with a bunch of reasons why you shouldn't go further with counselling. Things like car (you could get public transport), parents (you're 19 you don't need their approval to see a counsellor), money (legitimate concern but there are often avenues for people who can't afford counselling which you could look into)

Here's the important one:
- You make a small concession or bargain like 'maybe i will write some short stories'. You also ask us for other avenues which is good, but I remember last time you were here, we suggested eating healthy and exercising and you were sceptical about that then as well. The point is, your small concession seems to feel like enough to you, at least for the short term.

Problem is that while you might head off for a while, I think this is like the third time you've come back to the thread and this pattern has repeated itself in pretty much exactly the same way.

I'm not trying to say you shouldn't post here, as that's what this thread is for and you are welcome 100%, but its pretty clear to me that your current approach is not working. I think you need to approach this more directly and seek some proper, regular counselling that works for you. And as a reminder, this is all coming from people like myself and Guy and others who have sought counselling in the past. You're welcome to post here any time but I don't think the advice is going to change any time soon even if you return 3 months from now - unless you make a very strong decision to address these problems headon.

Update:
I saw your post in fast threads about suicide hotlines. Please, please, please do not go down that road. For our sake at least talk to your doctor about your medication, or a teacher, or a counsellor.

[jhfjdh746]

So I've decided I'm leaving the girl I was talking about earlier, because I've changed and so has she, now to lighten this up, I'm going to tell you a story.

So I'm meeting my ex girlfriend katherines dad, he's a marine, I walk into the house and he has an old kimber 45, hammer cocked back, with a loaded mag.

Little did he know I did some gunsmithing for shits when I was younger and happened to work on kimbers quite a bit, this not being my first rodeo, saw the firing pin had been removed and went along with the "Have my daughter home by nine" routine.

"I'll have her home at ten."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, those things work better with the firing pin in em.."

"Ten it is."