Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
"let me date your daughter or i will shoot you"
So for whatever reason I started feeling like this girl doesn't actually like me and is just going along with me because the semester is almost over and we're not likely to see each other again after this semester because she's a psych major and I'm a history major. Like, I do get some signals that she does like me, like smiling whenever we make eye contact, laughing at my unfunny jokes, etc. so maybe it's just my lack of confidence in myself, but I do feel like she's just doing this because she doesn't want to be rude or doesn't know how to let me down without hurting my feelings too much or something, but she knows she only has to go along with it for another couple weeks. I don't want to just come out and say "I like you and want a relationship with you" so what should I do about this?
So you know she doesn't like you? Then I don't see what there is to ask, leave it be, because if she doesn't like you, pushing further wont change that.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46552785]So for whatever reason I started feeling like this girl doesn't actually like me and is just going along with me because the semester is almost over and we're not likely to see each other again after this semester because she's a psych major and I'm a history major. Like, I do get some signals that she does like me, like smiling whenever we make eye contact, laughing at my unfunny jokes, etc. so maybe it's just my lack of confidence in myself, but I do feel like she's just doing this because she doesn't want to be rude or doesn't know how to let me down without hurting my feelings too much or something, but she knows she only has to go along with it for another couple weeks. I don't want to just come out and say "I like you and want a relationship with you" so what should I do about this?[/QUOTE]
You ask her out. Ask her to get lunch with you or something.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;46552983]So you know she doesn't like you? Then I don't see what there is to ask, leave it be, because if she doesn't like you, pushing further wont change that.[/QUOTE]
No, I don't know that she doesn't like me. But I don't know that she does either. I have absolutely no idea how she feels about me and I don't really know how to bring it up without being super awkward and ruining any chance I had to even just be friends.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;46553014]You ask her out. Ask her to get lunch with you or something.[/QUOTE]
I have done this already. We went for lunch a couple weeks ago and we're going again on tuesday if everything goes according to plan.
[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]
I guess what I'm getting at is how do I know if a girl actually likes me or is just leading me on?
If she wasn't interested in you she probably wouldn't be agreeing to see you outside of class.
Like I said, it's probably just my lack of confidence making me feel like it's too good to be true that she could actually be interested in me. Like I feel like she's almost too attractive for me or something.
that's not a good way to think about things
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46553483]Like I said, it's probably just my lack of confidence making me feel like it's too good to be true that she could actually be interested in me. Like I feel like she's almost too attractive for me or something.[/QUOTE]
Tell yourself that she isn't and act like she isn't (hopefully not in a jerky way, but I'm under the assumption that you're not the type). Talk to other women, and talk to them all of the time until talking to attractive women is no big deal. And once you get really comfortable, start flirting. Just go to a mall and flirt with every cute girl. If it goes bad, you learn something, if it goes well, you get confidence, but either way, you hone your skills. Flirtation is an art and I believe anyone can be good it and it works best when it's subtle and there's a little bit of mystery to it.
Remember too, there's a lot of factors to measure in attractiveness and it's always a hard thing to gauge. Never, talk yourself down.
If you're not sure whether or not she likes you and would like to build an attraction, do something sudden and unexpected. Next time you hang out, suggest a place that is kind of out and manufacture a fun social experience for everyone. Hell, lasertag has a childishly playful fun side to it. And stand by your suggestion. Start playing with her head, not in a mean way, but in a way that's kind of playful. And try to keep a very positive energy about you when you do these things.
If you want some more advice on raising confidence, pm me and I could give you a list of things that I've done over time.
Also, about being afraid of ruining any chance of being friends, you don't even have to bring it up necessarily in a bold way, just try to bond with her and find ways to positive emotional tension in a way that also brings up sexual tension; it'll get easier for that subject to be alluded to and it won't have to be a big daring step, it'll just sort of "happen." I'm also assuming that you're more intelligent than the average guy. I haven't read further back into the thread, but if you're in college as opposed to high school, a guy who has deep things to say can really spark a woman's interest, especially if that guy can listen too. If she starts talking back to you about deep thoughts that she's had, you're in a very good situation.
[QUOTE=Lord_Ragnarok;46553639]And once you get really comfortable, start flirting. Just go to a mall and flirt with every cute girl.[/QUOTE]
How does one typically do this.
[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]
Without pulling off creeper status.
[QUOTE=Banandana;46553718]How does one typically do this.
[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]
Without pulling off creeper status.[/QUOTE]
That's kinda the point, once you actually do something like that you realize that rejection/looking weird isn't actually as big of a deal as you used to think.
flirting with random girls make you feel like "you're a total creeper" because you've never done it and you don't really understand how people react to it
for one, girls have this happen to them 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. sunday is the lord's day.
they're totally used to it and unless you're like YES HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY ANIME COLLECTION they'll either say "oh no thank you" or also flirt back, in which case you have another opportunity to not fuck it up. if you do be weird, they'll just leave and if they're alone they'll think about it for like two minutes and then stop caring, if they're in a group then they'll giggle about it for two minutes and then forget because they found bras or whatever girls are at the mall for, i assume it's bras
i've never seen a fuck up monumental enough that i thought about it for more than like an hour. sure, if someone did something hilariously bad i might bring it up with a friend and have a laugh about it, but it's not like i'll take your picture and be like "ok this is the guy that did that, spread the word and make sure he's single for the rest of his life"
realistically for most random people you pass/meet on the street, you don't matter. that's not a bad thing, it's just how life works. so nothing you really do or say will be bad enough that it'll actually affect you. flirt with girls, if you come across as creepy then they'll just stop. if they do that then try it again. if it continaully happens, come back and we'll analyze what you did wrong and probably make you feel a bit bad about yourself but ultimately we'll proably help, more or less
my fingers are cold ignore the typos
[QUOTE=Banandana;46553718]How does one typically do this.
[editline]22nd November 2014[/editline]
Without pulling off creeper status.[/QUOTE]
That's... kind of nuanced, I guess. This is part of the reason that I told him to talk to women just about general things first. You will ease up over time. And flirtation isn't this big open thing where you directly state something sexual, or even allude to something sexual. Once you get very comfortable with these kinds of social situations, it will start to come natural and you'll, just kind of understand it. You won't be telling yourself to flirt, or forcing yourself (I wouldn't recommend that), you just kind of end up doing it without realizing it. Approaching these social interactions are absolutely nerve-wracking, and you'll want to pull away, but just easy ways of starting brief conversations, such as asking a woman working at a store if they have something in particular or something like that. Even if the conversation is 2-3 sentences, it'll nudge you into a place where you'll become more comfortable.
Also, if you want to lower your risk of seeming creepy even more, learn to have good posture and take care of yourself in general. It sounds basic, but a lot of people seem to actually ignore this.
As for flirting with someone who you know a little bit better. I could give you an example of relatively risk free flirtation. Jokingly call her a dork, or something that's not hurtful if she does/says something dorky. Almost like something that you would say to your little sister that you get along really well with.
I've talked to women before and whatnot (seems kind of odd to say) and it's not like I'm uncomfortable with talking to them. A good portion of my friends are women and I'm never nervous when interacting with them.
It's just that approaching and initiating conversation from nothing is what I'd be-
[QUOTE=Lord_Ragnarok;46553811]but just easy ways of starting brief conversations, such as asking a woman working at a store if they have something in particular or something like that. Even if the conversation is 2-3 sentences, it'll nudge you into a place where you'll become more comfortable.[/QUOTE]
Oh ok, I get it now. But for example, if it's just someone else shopping instead of the cashier or whatever?
Doing things that make you uncomfortable expands your comfort zone. It doesn't matter if they're "socially acceptable". It's about realizing that failure isn't as bad as you expect it to be and becoming less afraid of social rejection.
My new job is really hitting me hard. It's so much work, and I never thought it would be this difficult to do. It's really stressing me out. I can't get a good night's sleep any more (I've been waking up at 3 or 4 AM the past few days, and 6 AM this morning, going to sleep at 11 PM). I've constantly got the shakes from the moment I get up in the morning. I definitely miss being around all my friends from my old job. I'm putting in a lot of effort with this new job but if I genuinely don't see any improvement with what I'm doing in the next few weeks, then I'm going to consider all the options I have, which may include going back to my old job. It's not ideal and the pay is much less but if I can earn enough money to get by (which I could) and be in a job where I'm comfortable and happy, why not go back? People have said they'll be disappointed and mad at me if I do that, but in the end, if this new job starts making me ill and I start freaking out all the time, what choice do I really have?
There's been a lot of changes in my life in a very short space of time. It's made things difficult to handle, and though I still try to speak to people about it, they understand a little less since they can't see how things are affecting me properly. It doesn't help now that the handbrake cable in my car slipped last night so now that needs to be repaired, but I need my car for work, there's no buses to get or lifts I can get from friends or relatives.
I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and I'm really hating it.
I saw someone get rejected today on Facebook via an Onion article, so that was hilarious.
not very constructive but i laughed when it happened
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46553788]flirting with random girls make you feel like "you're a total creeper" because you've never done it and you don't really understand how people react to it
for one, girls have this happen to them 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. sunday is the lord's day.
they're totally used to it and unless you're like YES HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY ANIME COLLECTION they'll either say "oh no thank you" or also flirt back[/QUOTE]
Can I just add that there is obviously a line, given that "girls have this happen to them 24 hours a day" some, including myself, would look on behaviours like being wolf whistled at or cat called as harassment. Absolutely be clear with the difference between treating all the girls at the mall as a tool to show off when you're with your friends, and actually going up to them, trying to make a connection, and flirting in a way that doesn't make the girl feel used.
yeah cat calling is fucked up.
[QUOTE=dcalde78;46554187]My new job is really hitting me hard. It's so much work, and I never thought it would be this difficult to do. It's really stressing me out. I can't get a good night's sleep any more (I've been waking up at 3 or 4 AM the past few days, and 6 AM this morning, going to sleep at 11 PM). I've constantly got the shakes from the moment I get up in the morning. I definitely miss being around all my friends from my old job. I'm putting in a lot of effort with this new job but if I genuinely don't see any improvement with what I'm doing in the next few weeks, then I'm going to consider all the options I have, which may include going back to my old job. It's not ideal and the pay is much less but if I can earn enough money to get by (which I could) and be in a job where I'm comfortable and happy, why not go back? People have said they'll be disappointed and mad at me if I do that, but in the end, if this new job starts making me ill and I start freaking out all the time, what choice do I really have?
There's been a lot of changes in my life in a very short space of time. It's made things difficult to handle, and though I still try to speak to people about it, they understand a little less since they can't see how things are affecting me properly. It doesn't help now that the handbrake cable in my car slipped last night so now that needs to be repaired, but I need my car for work, there's no buses to get or lifts I can get from friends or relatives.
I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and I'm really hating it.[/QUOTE]
You the same idiot who thought all the driving was worth it?
Just work the old job and hold down a stable routine, sounds like you made a rash decision for no reason.
[QUOTE=Boss;46556095]You the same idiot who thought all the driving was worth it?
Just work the old job and hold down a stable routine, sounds like you made a rash decision for no reason.[/QUOTE]
Wow. How helpful of you.
[QUOTE=dcalde78;46554187]My new job is really hitting me hard. It's so much work, and I never thought it would be this difficult to do. It's really stressing me out. I can't get a good night's sleep any more (I've been waking up at 3 or 4 AM the past few days, and 6 AM this morning, going to sleep at 11 PM). I've constantly got the shakes from the moment I get up in the morning. I definitely miss being around all my friends from my old job. I'm putting in a lot of effort with this new job but if I genuinely don't see any improvement with what I'm doing in the next few weeks, then I'm going to consider all the options I have, which may include going back to my old job. It's not ideal and the pay is much less but if I can earn enough money to get by (which I could) and be in a job where I'm comfortable and happy, why not go back? People have said they'll be disappointed and mad at me if I do that, but in the end, if this new job starts making me ill and I start freaking out all the time, what choice do I really have?
There's been a lot of changes in my life in a very short space of time. It's made things difficult to handle, and though I still try to speak to people about it, they understand a little less since they can't see how things are affecting me properly. It doesn't help now that the handbrake cable in my car slipped last night so now that needs to be repaired, but I need my car for work, there's no buses to get or lifts I can get from friends or relatives.
I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and I'm really hating it.[/QUOTE]
I think it's natural to get stressed out about a new job, especially after from what you've posted recently. Going through changes, especially at a rapid rate will make anyone anxious and sick. Hang tight though. You will adjust.
I think for now though, like you said, see how it goes, and if you believe the job is making your health go south, you should leave. Especially seeing as how you can go back to your old job or find a new one.
[QUOTE=Boss;46556095]You the same idiot who thought all the driving was worth it?
Just work the old job and hold down a stable routine, sounds like you made a rash decision for no reason.[/QUOTE]
To quote Joseline Hernandez: "Ho, why is you here?"
[editline]23rd November 2014[/editline]
Because obviously you're not here to help.
"Royal Mail. When I say a lot of driving, I mean a LOT of driving as well. It's 20 miles from my house to the central office here. Then I have to take a van about 15 miles out to get to my delivery. Then the delivery involves about 70 miles a day according to my brother. Then another 15 back to town and then the last 20 home again. Easily 140 miles a day. But that's fine, I genuinely don't mind having to drive that much. Not right now anyway but that may be subject to change."
If you're here to judge someone's life or decisions, please leave.
I mean he's being rude about it but he's more or less right, I'm not sure why he's surprised that the job kind of sucks since it sounds like it would have to begin with.
[QUOTE=Boss;46557313]"Royal Mail. When I say a lot of driving, I mean a LOT of driving as well. It's 20 miles from my house to the central office here. Then I have to take a van about 15 miles out to get to my delivery. Then the delivery involves about 70 miles a day according to my brother. Then another 15 back to town and then the last 20 home again. Easily 140 miles a day. But that's fine, I genuinely don't mind having to drive that much. Not right now anyway but that may be subject to change."[/QUOTE]
Who cares, dont be an ahole about it
right but if having this job is making him completely miserable and he doesn't like it, then i do more or less agree
i guess try to find a different, more stable job or something? idk
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46553581]that's not a good way to think about things[/QUOTE]
I mean yeah it's a terrible way to think about things. I have a problem where whenever a girl I'm attracted to seems interested in me, I always get the feeling that's not actually going to be the case because of the experiences I've had in the past. And the more attractive I think the girl is the worse it gets because I feel like I'm not good enough for the kinds of girls I'm attracted to. It makes sense now why people say you have to like yourself before anyone else will like you because I can see here that I'm setting myself up for failure because I have no confidence in myself.
-snip-
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