Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
My mom called today. Apparently the vague "I have a friend visiting" sorts of comments I've made occasionally clicked for her and she figured out that I have a boyfriend.
I was gushing a bit to her about Cap and she asked "how old is he?" (just making conversation). I spent a solid 20 seconds going "oh! Um.... Hmm... Haha, well uhm... *clears throat*" before I told her. Apparently my parents are completely cool with me dating a guy 10 years older than me. In fact, they were both happy for me and thought he sounded like a good guy.
I feel so much better about this now that I have their approval. I was afraid I was going to have to try to hide details on my relationship from them, but I guess I'm not very good at hiding things to begin with.
I still think it's a little weird, but that's mostly because I'm incapable of putting myself in your shoes. For some weird reason I don't think I could date someone much older than me, and I'm really not sure why...should probably talk to someone about that. It's probably a maturity thing, I don't know.
Either way, that's good that your parents are super cool with it. Maybe don't mention how you met though.
[QUOTE=Boss;46557313]"Royal Mail. When I say a lot of driving, I mean a LOT of driving as well. It's 20 miles from my house to the central office here. Then I have to take a van about 15 miles out to get to my delivery. Then the delivery involves about 70 miles a day according to my brother. Then another 15 back to town and then the last 20 home again. Easily 140 miles a day. But that's fine, I genuinely don't mind having to drive that much. Not right now anyway but that may be subject to change."[/QUOTE]
It's the other aspects of the job that are getting to me more than the driving. That in itself isn't the problem. I made a hasty decision, thinking that my old job was bad and that anything would be better, and it turns out that I was wrong. I have been genuinely unhappy and struggling, even in the short (very short, I know), time that I have been in it. I can honestly say though that the driving isn't the problem. The old job was the routine I was used to and that's what I want to get back right now. I just hope that it's still a possibility.
You might just be trying to shove your new schedule into your old schedule's space. Create a new schedule around your current workload. You say you're barely getting any sleep, so go to bed sooner. That would be a good start.
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46560488]I still think it's a little weird, but that's mostly because I'm incapable of putting myself in your shoes. For some weird reason I don't think I could date someone much older than me, and I'm really not sure why...should probably talk to someone about that. It's probably a maturity thing, I don't know.
Either way, that's good that your parents are super cool with it. Maybe don't mention how you met though.[/QUOTE]
Us meeting in WoW came up first. The only reason I was really embarrassed about that part was because I met my ex in an online game as well and feel like a serial LDR-er. Either way, we've met in person and got along great, so that's what matters.
As for age/maturity differences, I've realized that it doesn't really matter past your early 20s. Age grades fade/become less specific. If you're 19, the expectation is that you've just graduated high school and are either working or in college. Anyone who hasn't gotten out of high school at that point is viewed as though there's something wrong with them. On the other hand, a lot of people never pursue post-high school education. There aren't really social expectations for someone who's 30 to have a degree and solid career, and it's perfectly common for people to get to that age and not be married/have kids.
I've started to realize from talking to people who I used to consider more "mature" than me that not everyone focuses on personal development. There are people in their 30s who still have nothing they're passionate about and no interest in self-improvement. The only difference is that they kill their time making money, not focusing on personal growth. Cap and I both focus on our own self-improvement beyond what's necessary for work/school, which is a big part of why we get along.
Just my opinion.
I've been trying to get more sleep. This new job means I start later than my old one, and no matter what I do, how early I go to sleep or how exhausted I am, I'm constantly waking up early. This morning I woke up at 5 and I tried to get back to sleep, but it just wasn't going to happen. It's the exact same thing that happened to me the last time I got stressed like this. I slept really light, anything would wake me up, and whenever I woke up it was nearly impossible to get back to sleep again.
I've made some rash decisions thinking I knew what was best for me, but at the moment, the routine I was in, the job I was in, with my friends around me was what was best for me. I didn't realise how good it was until I left it.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46560795]Us meeting in WoW came up first. The only reason I was really embarrassed about that part was because I met my ex in an online game as well and feel like a serial LDR-er. Either way, we've met in person and got along great, so that's what matters.
As for age/maturity differences, I've realized that it doesn't really matter past your early 20s. Age grades fade/become less specific. If you're 19, the expectation is that you've just graduated high school and are either working or in college. Anyone who hasn't gotten out of high school at that point is viewed as though there's something wrong with them. On the other hand, a lot of people never pursue post-high school education. There aren't really social expectations for someone who's 30 to have a degree and solid career, and it's perfectly common for people to get to that age and not be married/have kids.
I've started to realize from talking to people who I used to consider more "mature" than me that not everyone focuses on personal development. There are people in their 30s who still have nothing they're passionate about and no interest in self-improvement. The only difference is that they kill their time making money, not focusing on personal growth. Cap and I both focus on our own self-improvement beyond what's necessary for work/school, which is a big part of why we get along.
Just my opinion.[/QUOTE]
I met my first girlfriend on Neopets when I was 11, so there's that. I'm not one to judge.
I think I've realized I don't feel lonely as much as I feel invisible.
I guess it's still sorta the same, but not exactly.
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46562880]I met my first girlfriend on Neopets when I was 11, so there's that. I'm not one to judge.[/QUOTE]
I met one of my previous girlfriends on powerpets... It was actually an awesome relationship too.
Weird/maybe not weird question though. I've always been told not to date a coworker, and honestly I find the idea of it a bit strange, but is it such a bad thing? A gal just started working my shift, and we never get young women working at the factory, and she's pretty cute. I've been thinking about asking her out but I'm not sure if it'd be a right thing to do, being coworkers. I'm not so much worried about being rejected as I am more so worried about her rejecting me then telling everybody else like I'm some sort of weirdo(I'm actually already good friends with all but a few coworkers). Any pointers?
why would she do that? that would be ridiculous to do
just don't be creepy about it and you'll be fine
[QUOTE=FrankPetrov;46563755]I met one of my previous girlfriends on powerpets... It was actually an awesome relationship too.
Weird/maybe not weird question though. I've always been told not to date a coworker, and honestly I find the idea of it a bit strange, but is it such a bad thing? A gal just started working my shift, and we never get young women working at the factory, and she's pretty cute. I've been thinking about asking her out but I'm not sure if it'd be a right thing to do, being coworkers. I'm not so much worried about being rejected as I am more so worried about her rejecting me then telling everybody else like I'm some sort of weirdo(I'm actually already good friends with all but a few coworkers). Any pointers?[/QUOTE]
My mother only gave me one bit of advice before I left for the wide world of work: don't shit where you eat. If you're going to date a co-worker you need to be able to keep it out of the workplace both during and after.
Things have been a little rough for me lately. I'm 20 years old and I've never dated before. It's something I want to do, but I'm so busy with school work I can't even find the time. Even when devoting almost all of my time towards schoolwork, I've started to slip a little in my most important class and I feel absolutely overwhelmed.
I get told all the time that I could easily find someone if I wanted to, and that I'm decently pretty attractive. I went to a party last Friday, and two of the four girls I danced with asked me first. At the same party, however, I saw a girl I liked last year with her new boyfriend and it tore me apart on the inside. We were practically inseparable a year ago, and after a school break we stopped talking. Difference is that she moved on and I thought that I had too.
Part of me wants to duck down, forget about relationships, and just do my schoolwork to the best of my ability and focus everything into getting a good job. But doing that will probably only make me feel worse.
don't try to find a girlfriend just because you think that's something you need in your life to make you feel complete, that's not a good way to approach it and generally leads to poor relationships
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46566644]don't try to find a girlfriend just because you think that's something you need in your life to make you feel complete, that's not a good way to approach it and generally leads to poor relationships[/QUOTE]
I've spent the last two years working on improving myself. I'm much, much happier with myself than I used to be. I'm more sociable, I'm a lot better looking, I'm harder working, I've gotten pretty muscular and I'm just all around better to be around.
Still, maybe once a month or so, I get really upset. It hangs over me that I haven't been able to find someone in the two years I've been looking.
time for typical advice!
stop looking and just let it happen
[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;46567526]I've spent the last two years working on improving myself. I'm much, much happier with myself than I used to be. I'm more sociable, I'm a lot better looking, I'm harder working, I've gotten pretty muscular and I'm just all around better to be around.
Still, maybe once a month or so, I get really upset. It hangs over me that I haven't been able to find someone in the two years I've been looking.[/QUOTE]
Man, just remember that we really have no idea what will happen in the future. Life is just continuously full of surprises. Things drastically change everyday. Certain things may look impossible/hard to achieve today, but conditions change. Keep on doing what you're doing for yourself, and remember that you never get what you did not prepare to receive.
[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;46567526]I've spent the last two years working on improving myself. I'm much, much happier with myself than I used to be. I'm more sociable, I'm a lot better looking, I'm harder working, I've gotten pretty muscular and I'm just all around better to be around.
Still, maybe once a month or so, I get really upset. It hangs over me that I haven't been able to find someone in the two years I've been looking.[/QUOTE]
Its an age old adage in this thread but one I keep going back to - you will only find someone when you stop looking
essentially the idea is that if you see every girl you meet as a potential mate things get old for girls fairly quickly
You guys are probably right. It's not something I can really force.
I'll just try and keep improving myself instead of fretting over it.
[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;46568097]You guys are probably right. It's not something I can really force.
I'll just try and keep improving myself instead of fretting over it.[/QUOTE]
Keep on working to become the person who you want to be in the future. Because only that awesome person who you will be will be able to get that girl/guy you're looking for.
[QUOTE=metallics;46564056]My mother only gave me one bit of advice before I left for the wide world of work: don't shit where you eat. If you're going to date a co-worker you need to be able to keep it out of the workplace both during and after.[/QUOTE]
Well this isnt the first time i was with a coworker. My last relationship, after about a year, i worked with her for a few months. Her friend's mother owns the dairy queen she was working at dyrung the time and they needed some seasonal help so she asked me. I was weary about it at first because of what you said as well. We were able to work it out. In end, i know i can seperate work and a relationship during work. But what do you mean "after"?
[editline]25th November 2014[/editline]
I should also point out that right now, im just lookin at taking her out, get to know her more. Im not looking at entering a relationship right away or something like that.
Well I was supposed to go for lunch with that girl today but she didn't come to class today and texted me saying she was too busy this afternoon. Oh well, nothing to worry about unless she keeps cancelling plans with progressively worse and worse excuses I guess.
This is a bit crude but one of the best ways to tell if you lust after someone or you love them (or if you're lonely vs horny) is to do yo sex thang (fap) and then about 5-10 minutes after you're recovered from the refractory phase, see if you still want someone to chill out with or if you're fine.
If after you fap you feel much better and then yo're just 'oh ok whatever' about stuff, it might just be lust / in the moment stuffs.
[sp] this would be an opinion, dunno about scientific factualness tho, so take with a grain of salt [/sp]
Fapping releases hormones that make you more content anyway. Also releaves anxiety :v:
what the bloody hell is wrong with me.
Well basically in my business class in school I sit next to a girl and her friend and they both are in to gaming but they watch rather play(specifically they keep talking about Rooster Teeth every lesson), and for some reason year and a half later, when I got to be completely free from my initial social awkwardness gate because first time in english speaking territory and yadda yadda, one day a thought came in my head like "oh she's actually a great person" AND NOW I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. Periodically I keep thinking of that and what if I asked her out but I KNOW I don't need this anymore, I had enough of roadblocks appearing on my way to ask a girl out that I like and etc. I know I don't need this, I don't want to follow this dumb idea my head randomly came up with, but this idea keeps coming back. GODDAMNIT
so just remember that feeling next time there's a girl you want to ask out and you probably won't make the same mistake again
So, I just moved from Texas to Minnesota. I have no friends up here - almost of my friends left town to go to college anyways, so I had few left in Texas anyways. I don't have a car, or a license, and I'm having trouble finding work that I can actually get to. I'm on a gap year and I'll be going to college in a couple more months - but until then, how the fuck do you get out of your house when it's cold and snowing to go meet people? I'm looking for a job still, and I'm sure that will help, but how am I supposed to make friends in the "adult life" when I'm 18 and on a gap year? Everyone my age is either still in high school or off to college. help.
[QUOTE=.Isak.;46575818]So, I just moved from Texas to Minnesota. I have no friends up here - almost of my friends left town to go to college anyways, so I had few left in Texas anyways. I don't have a car, or a license, and I'm having trouble finding work that I can actually get to. I'm on a gap year and I'll be going to college in a couple more months - but until then, how the fuck do you get out of your house when it's cold and snowing to go meet people? I'm looking for a job still, and I'm sure that will help, but how am I supposed to make friends in the "adult life" when I'm 18 and on a gap year? Everyone my age is either still in high school or off to college. help.[/QUOTE]
Don't fret so much about age difference. When I started in college, a majority of my friends I had meet there were upperclassmen.
Just go to wherever suits you, you into sports? Go to a sports bar/some game/etc.
Are you into games/geeky stuff? Go to a card shop/game shop/etc.
Make yourself happy by doing what you like and you'll be able to find friends easily.
Having really bad insomnia, and as a result, I look like a bag of dicks most days. My confidence is shot to fuck and my self-esteem is at an all time low. It's a vicious circle too, cause of the stress of "I hope I can fucking sleep so I look like a normal person tomorrow" is constantly going around in my head, I inevitably end up being unable to sleep and going in the next day looking even worse. End of the week I just skip morning lectures cause 5 hours of sleep a night and 9 hours of lectures gets too much. Times like this I just become a social shut-in. Good news is Christmas holidays are right around the corner! Really need the break. 1st Semester of uni has kicked my butt
college is a lot different than highschool, people really don't care how old you are. as long as you're not an asshole, you'll be fine. hell, i AM an asshole and i'm still fine
i assume the four of you that rated agree were agreeing with the first part only
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
