• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Rossy167;46645291]So I think I may have a (subconscious) habit of completely excommunicating girls once I develop a thing for them by becoming for to nervous to so much as talk to them since my first (and so far last) pathetic childish relationship. Anyway, I did this to someone I was actually quite good friends with and we haven't spoken in a good few months now.[/QUOTE] It happens to quite a lot of people to be fair. Also excommunicate makes you sound like the Pope.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46645671]It happens to quite a lot of people to be fair. Also excommunicate makes you sound like the Pope.[/QUOTE] I'm now picturing the reaction to an atheist Pope who is educated as to what the theory of Natural Selection, Evolution theory and the Big Bang theory are. :v: Yeah, I just couldn't think of a better word, the only way I could phrase it is 'completely stop talking'. Also, yeah. I know it happens to a lot of people but if you read further, it's happening a lot with just friends rather than people I have a crush on. I guess she was just the straw or whatever.
copy paste from other thread [quote] Hello I have a problem that is definitely filed under the 'shit' category One of my best friends was just diagnosed with leukemia and is going on chemo. I met my girlfriend through him. Anyway she's falling the fuck apart about this and her immediate coping response is anger. and generally its anger that im getting caught in like some guy who's just wondered into the middle of a shooting match except she's got both fuckin guns and blah blah blah its gotten to the point where she feels horrible because originally when he said he had leukemia, she thought he said it to make her angry/didn't believe him at all and I'm to blame for this. Anyway essentially this evening and yesterday evening I've been trying to be rational for her sake and she's just flinging shit at me. The worst part is he's my friend too and I'm really fucking beat up about it but I feel like if I can't let myself admit it in any way because if I do she's not going to have anyone to rely on, so I'm trying to be rational, upbeat and positive and just say 'i believe hes going to be okay' but every time I say it I get told that I don't know that he's going to be okay and that he could basically die. He hasn't even received the proper test results yet or gone on chemo. Noone knows what his chances of survival are except for a preliminary thing saying that they're GOOD chances. And so every time I try to help her cope she throws it back in my face and makes it harder for me to cope in return. Her immediate response to every single problem that's ever happened whilst I've been with her has been anger. I don't know how to deal with that at all. Fuck me I just really want to focus on my friend right now but I feel like if I don't get our relationship to a point where we're supporting each other we're both going to be so much worse off Edited: this is the first time I've asked for advice in a while but: a) How do I be a good friend to this guy (he's been a shit friend to me in lots of ways but I still really care about him 100% and want to be there for him) b) How do I get my relationship to a point where we aren't flinging shit at each other and can help each other cope[/quote]
[QUOTE=Rhenae;46644565]Have you tried just telling the cousin you are not ok with this and dont want to mess up your relationship? I probably wouldnt tell your gf for now... i kike being able to communicate everything with a partner but there are some things that just shouldnt come up i think.[/QUOTE] It's been discussed before but I guess I'm going to have to make that fact vehemently clear cause it's pretty obvious it didn't get through the first time. However I did tell my GF about it cause I ain't about to be caught up in nothing honesty is the best policy and what not
[QUOTE=Protocol7;46645361]I need help. I am in a perfectly healthy relationship. Without getting into pointless drivel, well, with some communication with others, I learned my girlfriend is expecting me to propose soon. Which makes sense since she's been showing me rings and shit. I love this woman. I really do. I just don't think I'm ready to propose to someone when I'm only 21. I want to make this clear to her without hurting her feelings. What's the best way to approach this?[/QUOTE] Talk about it, honestly. If she thinks you guys are good to go for a marriage then you probably shouldn't have to fuss over it too much and just be able to talk. Explain that you really care for her but arnt sure either of you are really old enough for that sort of commitment etc
So even though that girl told me that I should text her over the break, essentially implying that she wants me to text her and I should more often, I still don't know how to start a conversation over text and if I should text her some time within the next couple weeks and risk annoying her while she's trying to study for finals or what the fuck holy shit I actually hate texting girls so much. Even though she always replies to my messages in a fairly timely matter, I still don't like texting her or anyone no matter how much they want me to.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46650285]So even though that girl told me that I should text her over the break, essentially implying that she wants me to text her and I should more often, I still don't know how to start a conversation over text and if I should text her some time within the next couple weeks and risk annoying her while she's trying to study for finals or what the fuck holy shit I actually hate texting girls so much. Even though she always replies to my messages in a fairly timely matter, I still don't like texting her or anyone no matter how much they want me to.[/QUOTE] "Hey! How's it going?"
Thank you loopoo and Guy Mannly, I really considered your advice, ended up spending some time with her and just talking about her decision to move, life in general and it was great, I think I'll be able to be friends with her, and she wants to hang out again before she leaves and I think we'll continue to stay in touch while she's away. I'll probably be heartbroken about it for a while, but despite what you may think I really do care about her and she's really excited about going so I'm really happy for her. She said she might move back in a while and I sort of hope she does, but I'm just glad she's happy. Thank you both again.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46651353]"Hey! How's it going?"[/QUOTE] Like, I know it's this simple but at the same time I feel like I need to say something interesting to keep her talking.
I agree with you man, I hate texting too. It always seems to come across so dry and impersonal. I have noticed that the use of smiley faces usually helps give your texts more of the emotion you're trying to portray.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46651489]Like, I know it's this simple but at the same time I feel like I need to say something interesting to keep her talking.[/QUOTE] Part of that is on her. You can start a conversation but she's also responsible for keeping it going. If she's giving you short, one-word answers that lead to conversational dead ends, that can be kind of hard to work with no matter who you are. If you can't come up with anything interesting to say yourself, just ask her questions about herself to start a conversation. You two are just starting to talk so I'd imagine there's a lot you don't know about her. Just make sure you're disclosing as much as she is when you talk (don't interrogate her without giving anything back, but don't ramble about personal stuff either obviously). [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=I Am Dumb;46651501]I agree with you man, I hate texting too. It always seems to come across so dry and impersonal. I have noticed that the use of smiley faces usually helps give your texts more of the emotion you're trying to portray.[/QUOTE] Not enough guys use emotes in text conversations IMO. Women tend to use them a lot because we tend to be more concerned about our messages being received correctly. Use depends on the context of the conversation, of course, but it can be really hard to interpret someone's tone through words alone.
So, I'm in a bit of a pickle and have received advice from a few friends of mine so I'd like a third-party advice/opinion. I've been out of the dating game for about two years now, and now I've been feeling ready to start dating this one girl I recently meet over a month ago at my Uni. She's as geeky as I am, we have similar tastes in SciFi/Fantasy (We both made a Star Trek 4 "Hello Computer" joke simultaneously), she's extremely intelligent (She's shooting for a degree in Aerospace engineering), had interest in working with me on my coilgun project and she's quite attractive/friendly. We've talked quite bit and I've been getting the vibes of a mutual interest, but I'm kinda at an impasse here. I'd be interested in dating her, and feel confident in asking her out but I also feel like since I've only meet her a month ago, its a bit "Too Soon".
[QUOTE=LoneWolf_Recon;46657850]So, I'm in a bit of a pickle and have received advice from a few friends of mine so I'd like a third-party advice/opinion. I've been out of the dating game for about two years now, and now I've been feeling ready to start dating this one girl I recently meet over a month ago at my Uni. She's as geeky as I am, we have similar tastes in SciFi/Fantasy (We both made a Star Trek 4 "Hello Computer" joke simultaneously), she's extremely intelligent (She's shooting for a degree in Aerospace engineering), had interest in working with me on my coilgun project and she's quite attractive/friendly. We've talked quite bit and I've been getting the vibes of a mutual interest, but I'm kinda at an impasse here. I'd be interested in dating her, and feel confident in asking her out but I also feel like since I've only meet her a month ago, its a bit "Too Soon".[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/7QYrVeR.png[/IMG] it's not too soon, why is that too soon? just ask her out, dummy
god it's so fucking awkward when girls compliment my eyes, and yes, I know what I just said probably comes off as a stealth brag, but that's honestly not what I mean to make it look like. I just don't know how to respond when I get those compliments, and it's been like that since, basically forever. For example, a day ago, I was walking back to class, and I saw these two girls walking around like they have nothing to do. Both of them looked attractive, one more than the other. When they saw me, they said they liked my eyes. Me surprised, out of sheer awkwardness and the fact that I couldn't think of anything to say back to them, I simply blurted out "well my eyes like you too." They laughed at what I said like there's no tomorrow and thought I was funny, while secretly in my mind I felt like jumping off a bridge. I'm good at breaking out of my shell of nervousness and awkwardness when I'm prepared to do so, but when something like that comes out of nowhere and blindsides me, I can't really find anything to say. I'm usually the one to start smalltalk anyway, I honestly don't know why it's so awkward when the above happens to me however
[QUOTE=5/3/4/3;46658184]god it's so fucking awkward when girls compliment my eyes, and yes, I know what I just said probably comes off as a stealth brag, but that's honestly not what I mean to make it look like. I just don't know how to respond when I get those compliments, and it's been like that since, basically forever. For example, a day ago, I was walking back to class, and I saw these two girls walking around like they have nothing to do. Both of them looked attractive, one more than the other. When they saw me, they said they liked my eyes. Me surprised, out of sheer awkwardness and the fact that I couldn't think of anything to say back to them, I simply blurted out "well my eyes like you too." They laughed at what I said like there's no tomorrow and thought I was funny, while secretly in my mind I felt like jumping off a bridge. I'm good at breaking out of my shell of nervousness and awkwardness when I'm prepared to do so, but when something like that comes out of nowhere and blindsides me, I can't really find anything to say. I'm usually the one to start smalltalk anyway, I honestly don't know why it's so awkward when the above happens to me however[/QUOTE] That line would've been so smooth if you didn't treat it like it was awkward. Sounds like they appreciated it, too.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46658225]That line would've been so smooth if you didn't treat it like it was awkward. Sounds like they appreciated it, too.[/QUOTE] I'm not exactly good at reading signals, partnered with the fact that the different people react to things differently, AKA subjectivity. I could say that to one person and they'd laugh their ass off, or I can say that to another and they'd just grin at me weirdly, which is what I'm a bit afraid of when getting compliments and having to reply back.
best case scenario: she laughs worst case scenario: she says "uh okay" and then walks away that's literally all that would happen. what do you think she'd do, laugh at you and then yell "THAT NERD TRIED TO HIT ON ME EEWWWW" and then the whole hallway turns and laughs at you? this isn't a high school sitcom
[QUOTE=5/3/4/3;46658254]I'm not exactly good at reading signals, partnered with the fact that the different people react to things differently, AKA subjectivity. I could say that to one person and they'd laugh their ass off, or I can say that to another and they'd just grin at me weirdly, which is what I'm a bit afraid of when getting compliments and having to reply back.[/QUOTE] Not everyone you meet is going to get along with you. Not everyone is going to share your sense of humor. The people who don't aren't the ones you should care about impressing. Not everyone is going to like you, you're not destined to be best friends/life partners with every person you meet, so try not to waste your energy stressing over someone who's rude to you from the get-go.
[QUOTE=Kabstrac;46658188]that's how you get to know them[/QUOTE] that annoys me too because there are a lot of girls i have no interest in dating but still would like to get to know, and there are no really good options for that
you all have good points, I'm gonna try not to fret about it next time
I think I figured out why I have trouble bringing myself to text this girl. I'm not confident enough to believe I'm good enough for her. I know that's not really the case because if I wasn't good enough for her she wouldn't talk to me at all. It's just that shitty nagging voice in the back of my head saying "she's too attractive to ever have any sort of interest in a loser like you." How do I stop this?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46658552]I think I figured out why I have trouble bringing myself to text this girl. I'm not confident enough to believe I'm good enough for her. I know that's not really the case because if I wasn't good enough for her she wouldn't talk to me at all. It's just that shitty nagging voice in the back of my head saying "she's too attractive to ever have any sort of interest in a loser like you." How do I stop this?[/QUOTE] I've actually had those feelings occasionally, but I actually took it upon myself to look up some signals girls give when they are interested in someone and damn, apparently there were a lot of girls throughout my life that liked me, attractive and unattractive. It was definitely lack of self confidence for me, which has largely gone away. I'm still nervous, albeit much less now. also, nobody answered this post that I made that got buried, which is related: [QUOTE=5/3/4/3;46629468]theres this petite/cute looking girl that goes on my bus, and i occasionally see her at school, but not often. i always see her catching glances at me from the corner of my vision, and when id look at something next to her, she'd look away i dont know anything about her, hell, i dont even know her name, on top of the fact that i only really see her when i get on my bus. plus im not exactly the kind of person to walk up to a random person and start up a conversation, i usually find an opportunity, or an opening. the only real thing i could do was; when everybody was getting off the bus, me and the others passing through the middle aisle and the girl stuck in her seat waiting for an opening to get into the aisle and off the bus, i stopped shortly to let her through instead of her having to wait[/QUOTE]
Girl I was interested in had a BF. Is it normal to not really mind that much; even though I had been trying with her for a couple weeks before I found out?
You mean is it normal to not be a clingy creep and move on when someone rejects you? I'm gonna say yes?? [editline]7th December 2014[/editline] Guys, for future reference. 99% of the time, the answer to "is it normal" is going to be yes. If something ISN'T normal, you won't need to ask to know.
Last night I had a group of friends over, and throughout the night, this one girl - who is very very pretty and I've always thought was out of my league - kept making comments like "you're prime boyfriend material" and "you're very sweet" etc. I thought nothing of it, cause we're coursemates and I'm always really nice to her, so I figured she's just returning the favour (cause of my whole eye issue I've always got self-esteem issues). She's been trying to get into a relationship these past few weeks, but hasn't had much luck, cause most 1st year dudes don't wanna settle down for a relationship. Fast forward later on, we all downed jack daniels (it was me, her, and two of our guy friends). I patted the sofa beside me and she came over, then laid down on my lap, and we just cuddled for ages. I kissed her forehead, and to be fair, I kissed the other two dudes' foreheads as well (even kissed them both fully on the lips but that's another story, no ragrets). We then all went to my bedroom and spooned, and she got in beside me. we spooned for ages, and because I'd kissed the other two guys, she made a passing comment earlier on that "you haven't kissed me yet", but - as always - I didn't want to make a move as I felt it was taking advantage of her for being drunk (even though we were both at the same stage of drunk). When we were spooning, she turned over so she was facing me and just stared at me, and I knew I should have kissed her, but I just can't shake that fucking feeling of not wanting to take advantage, aarghhh. Our two guy friends left us alone in the bedroom, cause we'd been really intimate the rest of the night so I figure they wanted to give us our own time. again she did the whole looking at me, blatantly wanting me to man up and kiss her. I just said I wished she could stay and not go home, and she said she wished too. ten mins of that and then their taxi arrived, and they went home. I thanked her over whatsapp yesterday for coming, and she replied saying I'm one of the most amazing guys she's met. ALL THIS WAFFLE IS TO ASK: should I ask her out to dinner? Cause all I keep thinking is "nah man she was just drunk, she's not interested in you" but then ahhhh. It's scary cause she's a coursemate.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46660452]Last night I had a group of friends over, and throughout the night, this one girl - who is very very pretty and I've always thought was out of my league - kept making comments like "you're prime boyfriend material" and "you're very sweet" etc. I thought nothing of it, cause we're coursemates and I'm always really nice to her, so I figured she's just returning the favour (cause of my whole eye issue I've always got self-esteem issues). She's been trying to get into a relationship these past few weeks, but hasn't had much luck, cause most 1st year dudes don't wanna settle down for a relationship. Fast forward later on, we all downed jack daniels (it was me, her, and two of our guy friends). I patted the sofa beside me and she came over, then laid down on my lap, and we just cuddled for ages. I kissed her forehead, and to be fair, I kissed the other two dudes' foreheads as well (even kissed them both fully on the lips but that's another story, no ragrets). We then all went to my bedroom and spooned, and she got in beside me. we spooned for ages, and because I'd kissed the other two guys, she made a passing comment earlier on that "you haven't kissed me yet", but - as always - I didn't want to make a move as I felt it was taking advantage of her for being drunk (even though we were both at the same stage of drunk). When we were spooning, she turned over so she was facing me and just stared at me, and I knew I should have kissed her, but I just can't shake that fucking feeling of not wanting to take advantage, aarghhh. Our two guy friends left us alone in the bedroom, cause we'd been really intimate the rest of the night so I figure they wanted to give us our own time. again she did the whole looking at me, blatantly wanting me to man up and kiss her. I just said I wished she could stay and not go home, and she said she wished too. ten mins of that and then their taxi arrived, and they went home. I thanked her over whatsapp yesterday for coming, and she replied saying I'm one of the most amazing guys she's met. ALL THIS WAFFLE IS TO ASK: should I ask her out to dinner? Cause all I keep thinking is "nah man she was just drunk, she's not interested in you" but then ahhhh. It's scary cause she's a coursemate.[/QUOTE] Dude, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in life. Go out there and do it! You'll regret what you didn't do more than what you did do! The master has failed even more times than the beginner has even tried!
yeah she just messaged saying she's dead on the sofa and is never drinking whiskey again, so in a way, I'm glad I didn't do anything, cause I'd hate for her to wake up and regret anything, since she was drunker than me it seems. I figured I'd wait till we're sober to do anything. [editline]7th December 2014[/editline] motivational as fuck, thank you. gonna rack up my courage and ask her out. what I [I]do not[/I] want to do is be a kid and speak to the two guys from last night, since they're her roommates. yes, it's safer and could avoid rejection, but then again I'd feel like an immature kid for doing that instead of just asking her straight.
i mean she clearly sounded interested, so unless that was the alcohol talking which it probably wasn't (and even if it was, drunk words are sober thoughts or whatever the saying is) i think you're in the clear it's one thing to need to build up the courage to ask someone when you don't know how they feel, but considering you seem to have a pretty good grasp of the situation i say just go for it
[QUOTE=Handsome Matt;46661487]why didn't you kiss her, pls. [editline]7th December 2014[/editline] ask her out right now[/QUOTE] I just felt like I'd be taking advantage of the situation, since I knew she was drunk and would do things she otherwise normally wouldn't. I came close a few times but I dunno, I'd feel pretty shitty knowing she might wake up tomorrow and think "I made a mistake". Plus, she's a coursemate, and is one of my main group of friends, I wouldn't want things to go south and cock up the group dynamic.
well she's not going to be drunk when you ask her so i don't know why you're so confused about this [editline]7th December 2014[/editline] god why cant i have your problem
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