Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Schmoe]

Hey guys, would really appreciate advice with this. Sorry for the long post - I'm just kind of laying out all the information.

So I started at my new college last Fall and I met this girl. She's pretty fucking cool and it was awesome to hang out with her. Anyway, she asks me one night if I'm interested in her as more than a friend and I told her that I am, but that I know she has a boyfriend and I respect that. She says she just wanted to know, and we continue to hang out a lot. I mean a lot, too, like 6 to 10 hours a day. She spent something ridiculous like 18 hours with me on her birthday. She was always right next to me on my bed, either cuddling or grabbing my arm to sleep against me. We'd stay up till 5 talking about stuff, and whenever we were in groups watching movies in my room she'd just pull the covers over us and we'd talk some more. She'd leave in the morning and wear my jackets and shoes around campus.

So one day I get a text message from her saying that she's interested in me too. Then she asks me to the movies and tells me to invite my friend and the girl he's interested in. I'm thinking, "Fuck yeah," and on the walk over to the theater reach out to grab her hand. All the sudden she gets this blank look on her face and asks me what I'm doing. I pull out my phone and show her the text she sent me and she says, "Oh, I didn't mean anything by that." I got pretty upset about that, told her to not send shit like that if she didn't mean it, and stopped hanging out with her as much.

The next semester, I hear from some friends that she's sad that I haven't hung out with her in a while. She texts me asking why I ignore her and I tell her that I don't - I'd be fine with hanging out anytime (I had gotten better with the situation). She doesn't respond to that, though, and ignores me for the rest of the semester. Some weird shit that occurred in the meantime: I happened to sit next to her family at a concert she was playing in and they knew of me (having never met me before). Then, her friends asked me how we were and I had to explain to them that the guy who visited her last semester was her boyfriend, not me - they didn't know.

So now it's the end of the current semester. At the beginning, a few months ago, she contacts me and asks to hang out. I say sure and invite her to a few parties of mine and she declines every invite. She then invites me to a comedy club, but tells me three times on the day of the show that, "You know, you don't have to go. I can find someone else if you'd like." So, taking that as a sign that she doesn't want to hang out, I tell her that I'm busy anyway and she should find someone else. Then follows a few weeks of light conversation that end in her being a dick to me and telling me to fuck off when I asked her what our homework was.

Now: Two nights ago she texts me telling me she wants to buy me a gift. She says she meant to do it last year, but she thought it would be weird because we weren't talking. She then asks for me to help her study for a final - and to help teach her piano next semester - and if I want to take lessons with her. I say sure, and invite her up to a party. She says that'd be awesome, and that she'd see me at a group study beforehand.

I go to this group study, do my thang, and then head on out. I invite everyone there back to the party and [i]she is the only person who says no.[/i] I leave, expecting the group to show up later, but, what do you know, she is the [i]only person who shows up out of that group.[/i] She comes in, hangs up her coat, goes upstairs, and doesn't talk to me the entire night. Seriously. I hung out with everyone there except her. Anyway, she then leaves and I find out afterwards from a friend of hers that she broke up with her boyfriend recently.

What the fuck do I do. I'm so torn up about this because I really like her but she's confusing as fuck. Did I fuck up by not doing anything during the party? Or does she just not give a shit about me? I've only got a few days left before I go home for winter break. I know she's not malicious or purposefully manipulative - at the most she's just socially awkward.

[Monkah]

[QUOTE=Schmoe222;46714682]What the fuck do I do. I'm so torn up about this because I really like her but she's confusing as fuck. Did I fuck up by not doing anything during the party? Or does she just not give a shit about me? I've only got a few days left before I go home for winter break. I know she's not malicious or purposefully manipulative - at the most she's just socially awkward.[/QUOTE]

From what I've experienced, girls like this are usually suffering from bipolar and/or just the crazies in general. I've heard my fair share of those kinds of stories-- the chase simply isn't worth it by the time you reach the end.

It's been over a year, dude. She's almost definitely playing games with you-- just cut the connection and move on, as hard as that might sound. Plenty of fish in the sea.

[isak]

I just moved to south Minneapolis and know absolutely fucking nobody. I have a job, and I've made a couple friends there close to my age, but nobody that I can really hang out with outside of work.

I've tried looking at sites like Meetup, but most stuff is geared at 20+ people and I feel like I'd be uncomfortably young there - I'm 18, so I can't drink or anything. I don't have a car/license - I can definitely walk or take a bus places, but I feel real uncomfortable going out alone.

Any suggestions about how to meet people closer to my age in a new town? I don't have the advantage of being shoved into a room for hours a day like in high school, and I'm not used to trying to find friends like this. I'm naturally a social guy, so this is frustrating as hell for me. I'm not used to making friends without having other people to introduce me to them.

i need a weed hookup asap pls help

[Loopoo]

So the girl I asked out for coffee, sent her a text saying I'm looking forward to it, and that I hope she has a nice break (we're on xmas holidays). Two days ago. No reply. She's seen it. Feel a little awkward. Especially since she's been online a bunch of times since then.

It's stuff like this that makes me feel perhaps she only said yes because she didn't wanna hurt my feelings? Though honestly this is one big mindfuck. Drunk her was into me. Sober her said I was the most amazing guy ever (the morning after). But then she doesn't reply now so it's easy to overthink about. Think I may chat with a close guy friend of hers (who also is a kinda good friend to me) and ask him if I should pursue this or just ease off. Last thing I'd wanna do is put her in the position where she says yes cause she doesn't wanna hurt my feelings. That'd be more damaging to the friendship than her just telling me no.

[Genericenemy]

Probably going to laugh at this post but whatever, how strange is it to give a Christmas card to someone you've only know for a few weeks? I really would like to give that girl in class that I'm interested in one but there is a bit of a mental block in my head.

[UncouthJungle]

I saw something on the internet today and it was like "Tried being a douche to attract women, lost virginity cuz of it" and I was wondering, what is being a douche around women, I mean, I know what douche behaviour is but I cannot connect these 2 girls and douch together, someone help, how does a douche act around women that makes them like him?

[dcalde78]

[QUOTE=UncouthJungle;46719861]I saw something on the internet today and it was like "Tried being a douche to attract women, lost virginity cuz of it" and I was wondering, what is being a douche around women, I mean, I know what douche behaviour is but I cannot connect these 2 girls and douch together, someone help, how does a douche act around women that makes them like him?[/QUOTE]

It's a confidence thing. Women like confident men and being a douche shows that off. That's all it comes down to really.

[OogalaBoogal]

you don't need to be a douche to be confident though. confident, non-douches are the best people around.

[Monkah]

[QUOTE=UncouthJungle;46719861]I saw something on the internet today and it was like "Tried being a douche to attract women, lost virginity cuz of it" and I was wondering, what is being a douche around women, I mean, I know what douche behaviour is but I cannot connect these 2 girls and douch together, someone help, how does a douche act around women that makes them like him?[/QUOTE]

there's the whole r/theredpill thing if you're really interested, but honestly no chick is worth having to be someone that you're not. If you're so desperate to get laid that you're willing to go all-out and purposefully be an asswipe, perhaps a part of that desperation is the root of the problem to begin with.

[dcalde78]

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;46722358]you don't need to be a douche to be confident though. confident, non-douches are the best people around.[/QUOTE]

This is true, it's just more obvious that you're confident if you're acting like that in front of other people.

[It's crispy]

I don't know what to do, I was sure I wasn't in love with my best friend anymore after we had some issues with each other and took a break over the summer. But then now as soon as we started haing out regularly again I'm back in love with her and I really don't know what to do. She's my creative partner so not being with her isn't an option. Whenever I see anything related to her being lesbian, especially related to her long-distance girlfriend, i get a stomach ache and i have a hard time doing anything

Her girlfriend is coming over from the united states for a while in a few weeks and I'll probably meet her at some point, but i'm scared it'll be too hard and i'll projectile vomit everywhere

[Cyteless]

I've been feeling a bit odd over the past year or so. I didn't get the grades I needed to get into university, so I've been going to college to get what I need to do the courses I want. I've been very happy in college, because I've had a lot more success and support than I had in school. But I don't really have any close friends anymore. When I was in school, I had lots of friends, but I didn't really socialise with them outside of school - would play games online with them, and have a good laugh while in school, but never went to any house parties (I'm not a drinker ), or meet ups.

So I sort of shot myself in the foot by being apathetic towards hanging out with my friends, and now I haven't spoken to most of them for nearly 15 months. It's even weirder when I have almost the entirety of the leavers in my year added on Facebook, and I see them on Christmas meetups now that they're back from Uni. I feel a bit like an outside observer. I haven't even made much of an effort of making proper friends with the people I know in college. I get on well with them, but they don't feel like friends - maybe because its just a necessary process to get into uni? Like, we all behave like we're friends, but there's something not quite there. Haven't socialised with them either.

It's weird, though, because I'm always in two minds about how I feel about this. Most of the time I'm not bothered by it - I'm happy to get home from college, get work done, watch some NBA games and play online with guys from the gaming group I'm in - so I'm still in contact with people. But other times, I feel very isolated - online friends aren't a substitute for friends in your everyday life. There's only one fella I've spoken to from school on FB, and most of our posts are only like 2 responses to each other - not through awkwardness, since we knew each other and got along well in school. Just... a different relationship now.

I don't know. I've always been a bit of a recluse in my personal life, but I've never been one of those socially awkward people who can't speak in public, or talk to new people. Honestly, I don't normally get hung up about it, but I suppose particularly this time of year when they're all coming back from university and I've been left out (not out of malice), I've taken particular notice. Maybe when I go to university myself next year, I'll be able to get over this and meet some new people. I've just felt funny at the minute, since I'm surrounded by old and new people, yet I'm sort of stuck in the middle, not having any real connection with either group. It's not a feeling that dominates my life - 99% of the time I'm a happy person. Sometimes, though, I take particular notice.

[Loopoo]

Literally right now feel like telling some people to fuck off out of my life. They're so god damn toxic.

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=loopoo;46727920]Literally right now feel like telling some people to fuck off out of my life. They're so god damn toxic.[/QUOTE]

If you want them out of your life, please don't tell them to fuck off. Just stop going to events and blow stuff off, until they forget about you. Pick the path of least resistance.

[Loopoo]

Obviously I'm not going to actually tell them to fuck off. It'd accomplish nothing and I'd just be a dick.

That's exactly what I'm doing. Just not messaging them and not going to organize stuff from now on with them. Life's too short to surround yourself with people who don't actually give a damn. Especially when you're the only one actively trying to keep whatever semblance of friendship you have going.

[editline]16th December 2014[/editline]

I'm pretty much the least confrontational person in existence.

[PuduEbooks]

[QUOTE=Eric95;46726494]I don't know what to do, I was sure I wasn't in love with my best friend anymore after we had some issues with each other and took a break over the summer. But then now as soon as we started haing out regularly again I'm back in love with her and I really don't know what to do. She's my creative partner so not being with her isn't an option. Whenever I see anything related to her being lesbian, especially related to her long-distance girlfriend, i get a stomach ache and i have a hard time doing anything

Her girlfriend is coming over from the united states for a while in a few weeks and I'll probably meet her at some point, but i'm scared it'll be too hard and i'll projective vomit everywhere[/QUOTE]

Don't confuse love with infatuation and obsession. I'd advice to try to meet other people, maybe you can find someone else, or maybe you'll end up with a bunch of new friends, or both. Whatever the outcome is, meeting new people is good for you.

[Taepodong-2]

For fucks sake every time I go to text this girl I have to build my confidence back up. Probably because I wait too long between texting her because I'm absolutely terrified of coming across as desperate, seeing as coming across as desperate has ruined my chances with more than enough girls. How to I stop myself from losing my confidence without resorting to texting her every day to keep my confidence up?

I don't even know why I'm bothering with this girl because it seems pretty fucking futile when I step back and think about it.

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46731622]For fucks sake every time I go to text this girl I have to build my confidence back up. Probably because I wait too long between texting her because I'm absolutely terrified of coming across as desperate, seeing as coming across as desperate has ruined my chances with more than enough girls. How to I stop myself from losing my confidence without resorting to texting her every day to keep my confidence up?

I don't even know why I'm bothering with this girl because it seems pretty fucking futile when I step back and think about it.[/QUOTE]
Stop making her the center of your world and take it easy. That's where hobbies usually come in handy.

Anyway, after a 3-year dry spell I finally met a girl I'm actually interested in, although we don't even know each other that well yet. We're German class partners in college. People keep telling me she's into me as well, but my love radar is rather faulty, so I never pick up any of those hidden signals. Whatever, let's say I believe it. Obviously, my next step should be "asking her the fuck out", but I just really feel intimidated by the [U]ridiculously[/U] expensive stuff she buys and the expectations she might have of me. Especially when my future is shrouded in a dense fog and I have no idea where I'll wind up in the end.

Tagline - all about the money. And my honor as a man, [I]of course[/I]!

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;46731948]Stop making her the center of your world and take it easy. That's where hobbies usually come in handy.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'm trying to help here. You'd think I'd be fine because I just got a new computer that new games are actually playable on, but I haven't bought any new games yet because I'm waiting for Steam sales because I really don't want to give Ubisoft $70 for Far Cry 4. Maybe I need a new hobby other than video games. Finding new hobbies could even be a chance to find something me and her could do together because I'm pretty sure she's not a gamer and trying to get her to play games I play regularly like Arma 3, RO2 or Insurgency would probably be a disaster if the time I let a non gamer girl play CoD is anything to go by.

[jhfjdh746]

Okay, met this girl.

Girl is cute.

Girl is nice.

but now come to find out shes 5 years younger... not to sure how I feel about this anymore.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=S33T;46732336]Okay, met this girl.

Girl is cute.

Girl is nice.

but now come to find out shes 5 years younger... not to sure how I feel about this anymore.[/QUOTE]

If she's under 18, probably not a good idea to pursue. If she's over 18, it doesn't matter.

[jhfjdh746]

Her parents are cool, but its just a little odd

[Schmoe]

[QUOTE=Monkah;46714711]From what I've experienced, girls like this are usually suffering from bipolar and/or just the crazies in general. I've heard my fair share of those kinds of stories-- the chase simply isn't worth it by the time you reach the end.

It's been over a year, dude. She's almost definitely playing games with you-- just cut the connection and move on, as hard as that might sound. Plenty of fish in the sea.[/QUOTE]

So I found out that another girl at the party (one who's in all the classes of the girl I'm interested in) likes me and gets upset when the other girl and I talk. So I figured that might be a reason for her silence and asked her out when we were one on one.

She said yes, we got coffee yesterday, and we're going out for coffee and a movie tonight - so that's cool. She asked me to hang out earlier today though and I think I fucked up by not making a move - she sat right next to me in a private room while we joked around and I said I had to go do work (which, while true, I shouldn't have said). She said she likes me, she knows tonight is a date, she tries to touch me a lot, and I still have a hard time going for it... sometimes I'm a dumbass.

When tonight rolls around I just gotta fucking go for it. Wish me luck Facepunch.

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=Schmoe222;46735951]When tonight rolls around I just gotta fucking go for it. Wish me luck Facepunch.[/QUOTE]
My manpower shall be with you tonight.

[Guy Mannly]

So my boyfriend's ex is raiding with us in WoW. I didn't think this would be a problem but apparently it is. She makes me insanely mad and I don't know if it's because of jealousy or just because she's kind of a bitch. I didn't mind her initially but she's never even spoken to me directly.

No idea how to handle this. I had already told him it wouldn't be a problem and now there's not much I can do about it.

[Genericenemy]

Think I'll probably ask that girl in my class out tomorrow, probably going for a drink in town after class. Won't be until the New Year I'd imagine as this is the last week in college before Christmas. I just hope my nerves don't get to me.

[Zerokateo]

[QUOTE=S33T;46732336]Okay, met this girl.

Girl is cute.

Girl is nice.

but now come to find out shes 5 years younger... not to sure how I feel about this anymore.[/QUOTE]

Dude, seriously? We are in TEXAS, our gray area of legal is anything within 3 years. After that, anything that's below 18 and over the 3 year gap is completely off limits and last I checked, you weren't a day over like 20 or 21.

Like really man, quit doing shit that's gonna end your ass up in prison. I've seen you do way too much shit that you should've been nailed for and luckily you weren't, you're an adult now and the consequences of shit are real. Anything you do now is on your record for life.

Oh and one more thing, never forget that you aren't the only one from our little group that uses this forum. We see the things you post sometimes and absolutely just fucking shit ourselves from some of the things you say.

[Guy Mannly]

Shit just got real

[UntouchedShadow]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;46736620]Think I'll probably ask that girl in my class out tomorrow, probably going for a drink in town after class. Won't be until the New Year I'd imagine as this is the last week in college before Christmas. I just hope my nerves don't get to me.[/QUOTE]

Hey man don't worry yourself. As long as you don't visibly panic in front of her, you'll do fine. Just go up and be straightforward, and if she's not interested then she'll make it clear, in which case you peace out.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46736557]So my boyfriend's ex is raiding with us in WoW. I didn't think this would be a problem but apparently it is. She makes me insanely mad and I don't know if it's because of jealousy or just because she's kind of a bitch. I didn't mind her initially but she's never even spoken to me directly.

No idea how to handle this. I had already told him it wouldn't be a problem and now there's not much I can do about it.[/QUOTE]

Just talk to him about it and see what he thinks? You said yes before having had to deal with her so if you find her annoying now that would be fair to bring up as a concern. Some people are just irritating, especially with games.