Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
To all you people who are't willing to take the plunge and just ask someone out, here's a bit of hope for you, I'm celebrating my 1 year anniversary with my now wife-to-be, which all came about because I thought "fuck it, I'll ask her."
So yeah, this shit can work out.
Same. Just take the plunge, if I didn't do it I would have never asked my girlfriend of 3 (almost four) years. I've never been more happier.
I've noticed that I always get these revelations when it's terrible timing, now I have to wait a few weeks before I even have an opportunity. :(
Life is to short to not go for it, the worse thing that they can happen is that they say no, which seems bad, but consider, there's about 7 billion people alive on this planet at any one time, so not only is one person saying no to you is statistically insignificant, there's enough people on the planet for there to be someone for you, but you don't find things until you go out looking.
[QUOTE=RayvenQ;46762023]Life is to short to not go for it, the worse thing that they can happen is that they say no, which seems bad, but consider, there's about 7 billion people alive on this planet at any one time, so not only is one person saying no to you is statistically insignificant, there's enough people on the planet for there to be someone for you, but you don't find things until you go out looking.[/QUOTE]
That's one of those facts that's just not true. This American Life did a story on this a while ago, actually.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
OK, so in this Drake equation, apparently you start with how many stars are in the universe. That is, all the places where there might be life. And then you subtract out all the stars that don't have planets around them, right? Because there can't be life there. And then you subtract out all the planets that are too far from the sun or too close to the sun to support life and so on and so on-- you get the idea-- until finally you come up with the likelihood of a planet with life evolved to the point of intelligence. OK. They run the same kind of math now, except-- and I realize this is going to sound a little strange when I say this-- they replaced intelligent life with girlfriends.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
So we started to do the calculation on the board and-- can you look up what the population of Boston is?
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
Now David is asking me to look this up because at this point in our interview I actually made him run the math for me with real numbers that we got from the internet. So he started with the population of Boston, because he and his fellow physics students wanted girlfriends in Boston, where they all lived. Population of Boston, I found online, was a little under 600,000.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
So you start with 600,000. Which sounds great, except that half of them are guys, right? And I'm only interested in girls.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
OK, so that's 300,000.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
And then I want people, let's be honest, probably within 10 years of my age or something. Right?
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
OK, so 10 years on either side. So that means--
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
I'm actually looking at some numbers here. It looks like if you go from 20 to 40, you're talking-- that's still, like, 35% of the population, 1/3 or something.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
So that means that out of 300,000 women, that leaves 100,000 in his age range. These being doctoral students, they wanted girlfriends who were college grads. Well, OK. About 25% of Americans over 25 years old have graduated from college. That knocks out roughly 3/4 of these women.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
Ouch.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
So you're down to-- we were at 100,000. So you're down to 25,000.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
Then you start applying stuff like how often are they single.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
Yeah. Let's say half of them are single. So now you're down to 12,500.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
Yeah. See, it's getting scary now, right?
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
And then, of course, you get to how many people are actually attractive to you. And even if you give a really high percentage like one in five, that knocks your pool of candidates down from 12,500 to 2,500.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
Ugh. In the whole city of Boston, right?
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
Yeah.
[B]David Kestenbaum[/B]
That's just like a needle in a haystack.
[B]Ira Glass[/B]
And that 2,500 is before you get to anything personal like your religion or how you see the world, what's your sense of humor.
tl;dr 600k people in Boston, if you apply a weird variation of the Drake equation the number of actual people you'd consider dating drops to about 2.5k people, and that's just raw numbers, that doesn't factor in any of the important things like personality or sense of humor or worldview or anything else.
[editline]21st December 2014[/editline]
don't get me wrong, i get where you're coming from, but let's not be unreasonable here
You're still gonna find someone you're compatible with as long as you look. They might be harder to find depending on your tastes (and about a billion other factors) but RayvenQ's point is still valid. As long as you're not a swamp monster you'll find someone eventually.
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46762220]That's one of those facts that's just not true. This American Life did a story on this a while ago, actually.
don't get me wrong, i get where you're coming from, but let's not be unreasonable here[/QUOTE]
There's one of you, 2.5k other people, the numbers might be less, but the point stands. It's not the end of the world if someone says no, but you're going to end up alone if you don't go "fuck it, i'll go for it" and remain Mr Negativity. Plus, it adds in shit like wanting people who are college grads. If you ignore that part, which is somewhat selective and rather vague in the numbers, you go from 2.5K to 10K including their 1 in 5 percentage.
It's better to try and fail than never try at all, because if you try and fail, at least you tried and you'll never be sat there years down the line wondering how it would have turned out of you'd just asked her.
You don't have to blurt it right out, just ask her to go for a drink or the two of you to just hang out and then take it from there.
i'm not saying you're wrong, i'm just saying that saying "there are 7 billion people in the world" isn't particularly helpful because if our soulmate was 1 in 7bil there's an extremely, extremely high chance we'll never meet "the one"
Rayven, you're marrying someone you've been together with for a year? Corrrrrr, blimey.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46762358]Rayven, you're marrying someone you've been together with for a year? Corrrrrr, blimey.[/QUOTE]
Well, eventually, we both know it's going to take time before that can happen because of the distance involved. It's not like we're rushing out to get it done.
so wait are you actually engaged
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46762461]so wait are you actually engaged[/QUOTE]
Yep. I just couldn't be bothered using the word Fiancée for that post.
-wait why am I giving advice when you didn't ask for it, sorry-
how far apart are you two? just out of curiosity.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46762492]ech.
Just gonna say this: long-distance cannot be compared to living with your SO day-in, day-out. When you're spending lots of time physically with your partner, you tend to find things out you otherwise wouldn't in an LDR, be it good or bad traits.
It's pretty important when it comes to a huge life decision like getting married. Last thing you'd wanna do is marry someone and then a couple months down the road realise they aren't who you thought they were. LDR's can easily be idealised, whereas with relationships where you're dealing with each other on a day-to-day basis, the whole romantic / idealistic side of the relationship is usually broken down. That's kinda what love is, when you find out traits in your partner that you don't like, but still love them for it.
I'd recommend you two spending a prolonged period of time together, if possible. It'd go a long way into helping you realise if marriage is something that could work with this person.
(I'm not bashing LDR's, I'm just saying that there are parts of an LDR that really don't prepare you for living with the person)[/QUOTE]
Sounds Cliched but I'd say we know each other extremely well. We've been through a lot of tough shit together, so living together isn't going to be that much of an issue. We'll learn and we'll adapt, if we ever have any issues with each other, we've always been completely honest and told the other person and worked it through. Because we both know we're in this together, yeah there's going to be bumps, maybe even mistakes, but we're best friends and absoloutely there for each other. Last time she was here, she was here for a solid two months. Believe me, I bloody wish I loved closer to her, but we get to see and spend time with each other now and then, not as much as either of us would like, but we make it work. The one thing we've always done is been honest with each other, you'd be suprised.
We're 260 or so miles apart, so not super long distance, only a 5 hour train journey away, it's just the price that means we can't see each other as often as we'd like.
That's actually awesome. Two months together must have been incredible.
I edited out my post cause I felt like it was coming across as lecture-y, especially since you weren't actually asking for advice. Came across as a huge dad.
jesus christ, went out for a drink last night with my brother and his gf and met up with some of their friends. my brothers gf was trying to hook me up with different girls but when we finally got there it turned out they all looked like shit.
I know this sounds shallow as fuck but holy shit they did not look good. I'll admit one of them had what looked like a decent body but her face was almost scary.
now i'm scared i'll never meet someone who I find attractive.
[QUOTE=Psygo;46762604]jesus christ, went out for a drink last night with my brother and his gf and met up with some of their friends. my brothers gf was trying to hook me up with different girls but when we finally got there it turned out they all looked like shit.
I know this sounds shallow as fuck but holy shit they did not look good. I'll admit one of them had what looked like a decent body but her face was almost scary.
now i'm scared i'll never meet someone who I find attractive.[/QUOTE]
Perhaps you should try an animal[URL="http://www.thelocal.dk/20141013/bestiality-ban-not-needed-ethics-council-says"].[/URL]
[IMG]http://facepunch.com/fp/flags/dk.png[/IMG]
There's being shallow (which to a certain extent is fine) and then there's being a dick. I really hope you weren't so obviously callous when you were there.
Took a good hard look into the hole of Santa - great wank!
I have a girlfriend again. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship ended horribly (multiple attempts at suicide and a handful of mental breakdowns later), and I'm really happy. From the start it's like, many problems I encountered last time have already been addressed. Here's to the future.
[QUOTE=barrab;46762785]Took a good hard look into the hole of Santa - great wank!
[/QUOTE]
When that post is removed, people will worry about your mental health.
That's actually fucking vile. How can a woman's butt look so much better than a man's butt.
That's disgusting
[highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Alt" - Swebonny))[/highlight]
What even makes a butt attractive?
[QUOTE=Cosa8888;46762878]What even makes a butt attractive?[/QUOTE]
Generally not considered so except by those who fetishize them.
Same with feet.
Wait, so if I like my girlfriend's ass I am a fetishist?
Or I have a wrong definition of butt?
[QUOTE=Cosa8888;46762987]Wait, so if I like my girlfriend's ass I am a fetishist?
Or I have a wrong definition of butt?[/QUOTE]
It's not uncommon to like everything about your partners body.
A fetish is an attraction towards body parts or objects.
So it by definition means sexual attraction towards arses, anuses or even feces are all different fetishes.
Even if some people who are uneducated on the subject claim otherwise with nothing to back them up, even mazophilia (breast fetishism) counts.
Then there's a bunch of sub-versions of the mazophilia, some explicitly like flat/small/gigantic/inverted nipples and a bunch of different varieties within that philia. What all their names are I cannot recall.
[QUOTE=S33T;46732336]Okay, met this girl.
Girl is cute.
Girl is nice.
but now come to find out shes 5 years younger... not to sure how I feel about this anymore.[/QUOTE]
I had a similar experience just recently but after spending just a day with her I realized that she was so far "behind" in her head, not in an insulting way of course. But she was just not interested in more mature stuff and her issues and life was pretty boring, basically not being allowed to go out where she wants, having issues with dumb classmates etc.
Then I realized that she was a lot younger because I didn't know her before. So yeah, like Mannly said after 18 it does not matter that much.
But in my case, this girl was 8 years younger.
The fuck does an inverted nipple look like? People can have belly-button-like nipples?
[QUOTE=loopoo;46762758]There's being shallow (which to a certain extent is fine) and then there's being a dick. I really hope you weren't so obviously callous when you were there.[/QUOTE]
of course not, I'd never be an ass to anyone like that. they were still all nice people, just not anything for me.
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