Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
Yeah I'm not immediately jumping to the conclusion that I have it, just that it would make a lot of sense given my past and who I am today. I plan on calling my doctor today to try and arrange something.
I suppose "suffer" is the wrong word to describe having it. Sorry about that. I didn't mean it in a negative way, I'm just used to referring to someone who has a disorder as "suffering from x".
I believe my Dad has it as well, but he hasn't had it diagnosed, so I don't know if it was hereditary or not. If i had to guess though, I would say he does have it.
What do you think about empathy? To be honest, I know what it is but I can't say I've ever "felt" it. I understand which situations to feel empathic in but I never feel anything in them, I simply offer my condolences because beep boop that's what you're supposed to do.
Also, when did you find out? How did it affect your life?
[QUOTE=blerb;46769174]Anybody here suffer from Aspergers? I just looked it up, and it would make a lot of sense if I suffered from it. Crippling social anxiety, obsession with letters and numbers, brilliant (according to my teachers anyway) but highly disorganized, inability to recognize physical social cues... The list goes on, really.
If anyone does, mind sharing some thoughts on it?[/QUOTE]
I got it.
It's ok.
[QUOTE=blerb;46769412]Yeah I'm not immediately jumping to the conclusion that I have it, just that it would make a lot of sense given my past and who I am today. I plan on calling my doctor today to try and arrange something.
I suppose "suffer" is the wrong word to describe having it. Sorry about that. I didn't mean it in a negative way, I'm just used to referring to someone who has a disorder as "suffering from x".
I believe my Dad has it as well, but he hasn't had it diagnosed, so I don't know if it was hereditary or not. If i had to guess though, I would say he does have it.
What do you think about empathy? To be honest, I know what it is but I can't say I've ever "felt" it. I understand which situations to feel empathic in but I never feel anything in them, I simply offer my condolences because beep boop that's what you're supposed to do.
Also, when did you find out? How did it affect your life?[/QUOTE]
Don't worry about the "suffer" thing, I think thinking of it like the way you are and not as a disease is a very helpful attitude, though.
The empathy thing varies from person to person, but almost all of the subjects share that they lack... empathy about little things? I don't know how to say it, but people who are aspergers tend to have no "word filter", they sometimes can say very hurtful things, but they are not really aware that they are actually hurtful. This tends to play against them, specially with children, because they hurt the other kids around them, causing them to get away from the aspergers child, or worse, bully him, wihouth them knowing why such thing is happening to them (as they also have trouble guessing someone else's reasoning behind their behaviour)
Apart from the empathy about little things, some have trouble getting in someone else's shoes, like I do, on bigger subjects, such as the loss of a loved one, or traumatic events. But for example, my girlfriend has little trouble on that, but this may be a special case since she... has lived through a lot.
I found out this year when I met my girlfriend and her family. I noticed something very familiar on her little brother; his... way of being was very similar to mine, specially to when I was his age, everything, the way he talked, the words he used, his way of moving around. My girlfriend told me he was aspergers after I met him. Also, her mother told her that it was very likely that I was aspergers too, since she knows how they behave, mainly because 3/5 of the people in the house are aspergers.
That, some investigation (like the one you did recently), and the fact that I have bad social skills problems led me to go to a mental health specialist, who confirmed it soon afterwards.
Are you asking about how did finding out affect my life? or how did aspergers affect my life?
I understand what you mean when you say word filter, though emathy isn't the correct term for that. I think you mean blunt. But yeah, I do the same thing. Empathy is the second feeling you described.
I guess I'd like to know both.
Why does he seem to expect you to babysit him? I understand you guys are good friends, but if any of my good friends acted the way he did, I'd sorta be put off from it all. He seems to have the mentality that life revolves around him, but from the sounds of it, you've had one tough-as-hell year and he should be the good friend and realise that and ease off a bit - maybe even try to support you too - instead of adding more stress to your life.
Why doesn't he get the train to you? Why does it have to be you going to him? Seems like a shitty mentality for a friend to have, and you don't need the extra dead weight and strain he's adding to your life.
Have a heart to heart with him, tell him it's been real tough, that you've been constantly busy and that you were gonna throw off plans with other friends to see him. Let him know that you're trying your best, but life doesn't always go easy on you.
[QUOTE=blerb;46770145]I understand what you mean when you say word filter, though emathy isn't the correct term for that. I think you mean blunt. But yeah, I do the same thing. Empathy is the second feeling you described.
I guess I'd like to know both.[/QUOTE]
Well, empathy does take a part on what you say to to other people, since people are supposed to evaluate what to say in function of the other's feelings.
Finding out didn't really affected my life that much, since i've always been this way, I just didn't know that it had a name. But maybe, the harderst part is accepting that you are different, and making the people around you accept that you are different. When I told my family about it they laughed it off and said that I had nothing, they told me that I just wanted to be special to have a better relationship with my girlfriend's family (that's bullshit), they still can't accept it. Yes, it is hard, but once the people you care about accept it, you can work together to improve your life (or social skills, for that matter).
Anyways, if you are aspergers, it shouldn't shape your life and prevent you from enjoying it. That's one of the most important things you have to know.
About how it has affected my life, well, I don't know, since this is a thing that has always beem with me. But I can tell you something, life can get much harder sometimes. You can even hurt the people you love, just saying the wrong things the wrong way can do a lot of damage. My girlfriend's mother knows first hand how it is to live with someone that is that way, and she says it's hard sometimes. Even my girlfriend says that it will be double hard for us, and if we ever have kids, it's very likely that they will be aspergers too, but we have accepted this life, and we are pretty happy, I can say.
Noow, if someone else has an opinion about what I'm saying, please speak, because I might be wrong in some things, or someone may have a different outlook on the whole thing.
kinda similar but i feel like the shittier person here. for like age 8-17 i was besties with this guy that was a couple of years older than me. i was naive when i was younger but i think i realized when i got to like 15/16 that he didnt seem to really have any friends or do anything aside from when i was there.
sometimes i'd go months without seeing him because he would never contact me but when i did go over we would just chill and play on the playstation and stuff. when i started hanging around and doing stuff every night with some new friends in high school he pretty much fell to the back of my mind because like i said he would literally never talk to me unless i contacted him first. been with my current gf 4 years so last time i saw him must have been about 6 years ago. i feel a bit shitty about the whole thing because more and more i think i have realized that he probably genuinely has some problems that i never noticed before and i feel like i should have helped him out and it looks like i abandoned him p much, but i genuinely didnt realize.
since then i moved down the country to work but whenever i come back i think of trying to get into contact with him, i just dont know how/what to say to be honest cause i imagine we are like 2 totally different people now. last time i was up i went to message him on steam (had him but he was rarely on) and he had deleted me, and he denied my friend request. its really frustrating because he isnt on any kind of social media and i have no way to check up on him. i wouldnt feel so bad if i found out he was doing ok for himself but i just have this feeling hes now like 25 and still living with parents with no friends or anything.
i went to school with his cousin so gonna contact him and see the guy is doing. im only home for a week more but if he isnt doing great it'd be nice to at least get him on steam and get him playing some games with us or something. im just worried that him and his parents think im a POS that abandoned him when in reality i grew up and made friends and he never kept in contact with me.
[QUOTE=Fort83;46770335]Well i tried talking to him, offered to go hang out with him on new years but said no thanks because I apparently bailed on plans that we never made in the first place. He's being incredibly selfish and childish, like what the hell. He first gave me crap for not going out of my way to hang out with him on the 17th, literally not 24 hours after I got home. And now this.
If he's going to be like this for no reason then fuck him then.[/QUOTE]
I know he's acting childish, but he probably really cares about you and is just disappointed and angry at the current situation, but doesn't know how to channel those feelings and then just takes it out on you, which is indeed totally unfair.
Now, I'm not telling you to apologize but I'd try and explain everything to him as you have to us and make it clear that you'd still really like to see him.
[editline]t[/editline] He's definitely got some issues though.
With it being so close to christmas now, I keep remembering things from last year. It wasn't a particularly great christmas last year. On December 9th, we had our dog put to sleep as he had lymphoma, and it had spread too much to be able to treat. Exactly a week before that, my ex's favourite cat (she had 4, and a dog) died suddenly. It ran inside the house when her mother opened the door, it ran under her mother's bed and just died.
I remember one afternoon, we were getting ready to go to town so one of my mates could pick me up for band practice (I didn't have my driving licence by this point), and we were listening to christmas songs on a music channel on tv. We'd been to the chinese takeaway place in town and gotten a big takeaway for us and her family and we got a free calendar from there. That got hung up in their living room and has been there all year, even after they redecorated.
I try not to think about things too much but sometimes I wish that I could stop myself from remembering. If someone had told me this time last year how much things have changed I wouldn't have believed them.
I have an infatuation with a chick I have no chance with, how do I kill it and fast? Is there a drug or some sort of brain training I do?
Emotions suck.
[QUOTE=RoboChimp2;46777959]I have an infatuation with a chick I have no chance with, how do I kill it and fast? Is there a drug or some sort of brain training I do?
Emotions suck.[/QUOTE]
Thinking about other girls usually helps me.
[QUOTE=RoboChimp2;46777959]I have an infatuation with a chick I have no chance with, how do I kill it and fast? Is there a drug or some sort of brain training I do?
Emotions suck.[/QUOTE]
ask her out then when you get rejected you'll feel better
since you already know its infatuation
that's a good plan, actually
Eh, crap. Hoped I wouldn't need this thread again.
So basically there's a girl in my uni class whom I liked since the beginning (2.5 years already), and while we're friends it is obvious that she is not interested in any kind of relationship with me (it feels this way or I'm bad at conclusions, idfk). Not that I ever tried to start, though.
All was pretty well, I almost stopped caring but about half a year ago, I started to suffer from a weird state of mind where I became super jealous (maybe not the right word, mix of sadness and anger) of all her accomplishments, like uni stuff (not that she's the best in class, we're both average but she's slightly better because she skipped fewer lectures :v: ) and even just real life stuff, like stories and photos.
Two weeks ago I nearly became depressed when she posted photos from a ski resort she was at. Thing is, I never cared or thought about what was happening to her this much before. Now, way back I mentioned that I'd like to try snowboarding a couple of times, so when she said she'd like to go again she invited me as well.
I can only conclude that for some reason my mind went crazy and decided that I should be with her everywhere (which is limited to uni/class parties because she lives in the opposite part of this huge damn city), and obviously I don't want to be a stalker or some shit, so when a random chance to be with her fails I get sad/angry/depressed. Stupid, I know, and I certainly want to stop this slow descent into depression, because I nearly had an outburst today, p much everyone including her noticed that (I suddenly got super sad when she brought the news that she got off some of the finals easy), and started to ask what's wrong.
Also, not really related, I kind of wanted to mention for a long time that I liked her from the start (not like OMG MARRY ME and stuff, more like "just so you know, make of that what you will"), if we get some time together when nothing important is on her mind. good idea y/n?
n
(and why)
[QUOTE=damnatus;46785687](and why)[/QUOTE]
dropping something like that on someone would be hella awkward
it'd go down like this
'i liked you for 2.5 years and never told you haha'
'uhhhhhhhhhhh'
I've been in the same situation as you before. Please don't do it.
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;46784129]ask her out then when you get rejected you'll feel better
since you already know its infatuation[/QUOTE]Ah ok, I hope it works.
Protip: If you are interested in someone and they are available, you should ask them out. Don't wait.
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;46785735]dropping something like that on someone would be hella awkward
it'd go down like this
'i liked you for 2.5 years and never told you haha'
'uhhhhhhhhhhh'
I've been in the same situation as you before. Please don't do it.[/QUOTE]
Well it would be more like "you've been asking why I was so down lately", but I can see where you're going. I guess I'm left with the option to wait til uni ends and then I will be free, or I'll meet someone before that
[QUOTE=damnatus;46785774]Well it would be more like "you've been asking why I was so down lately", but I can see where you're going. I guess I'm left with the option to wait til uni ends and then I will be free, or I'll meet someone before that[/QUOTE]
Go meet some new people. It's a good idea.
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;46785763]Protip: If you are interested in someone and they are available, you should ask them out. Don't wait.[/QUOTE]
I did actually, but it came out like "hey you're free? lets go somewhere" and she interpreted it as "lets bring friends and go somewhere". It turned out to be kickass but completely not what I wanted :v:
Also I don't know the middle ground between sounding overly "dinner tonight? ;^)" and overly friend-y (If I knew that she wants me to ask, it would certainly help, but since I think she doesn't care much I don't try much either).
Also if shit goes south I will be reminded of it every day in the uni, which would suck even more.
[editline]24th December 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;46785790]Go meet some new people. It's a good idea.[/QUOTE]
Oh I want to. Too bad there are mostly dudes at parties I attend, or dudes with their gfs.
Don't know what to do honestly, just "go meet" doesn't give me any idea :v:
what uni program are you in? what sort of parties do you go to? Most of the parties I go to are 50/50.
[editline]24th December 2014[/editline]
also online dating is an option if you want to meet new people and have exhausted most of your options
[QUOTE=damnatus;46785774]Well it would be more like "you've been asking why I was so down lately", but I can see where you're going. I guess I'm left with the option to wait til uni ends and then I will be free, or I'll meet someone before that[/QUOTE]
I'd genuinely back off from the girl because it's clear you can't draw the line between friend / jealous person who feels spurned. You'll end up getting into a heated argument with her and ultimately look like a dick (pent up sadness / anger will come pouring out, been there, done that, it's not good).
Like Oogala said, no point [I]at all[/I] in telling her you liked her for all this time, especially since she doesn't seem interested. Ease off, mix with new people to help take your mind off her, and try not to be on her FB so much, it'll not help you move on.
Either rein in your emotions and be a friend towards her, or - if you just can't - be a good person and back off, to prevent anything coming to a head.
loopoo is right!
You gave me the inspiration to also be right.
Yeah, I figured out pretty much. This year I'm invited to a big new years eve party (I usually just get drunk with a couple of friends at new years), gonna see how it turns out
[editline]24th December 2014[/editline]
I also plan to continue losing weight (was 210 lbs, now 180, at 6'2''). That, finals and the fact that I'm finally renewing my whole room since all my stuff is from when I was a kid will certainly help diverting my mind off her :v:
[QUOTE=Schmoe222;46735951]She said yes, we got coffee yesterday, and we're going out for coffee and a movie tonight - so that's cool.[/QUOTE]
Not that anyone's following this, but to wrap up my previous posts: I went on that date and had a great time. We're on winter break right now, but we're keeping in touch and going on a second date when we both get back.
[QUOTE=damnatus;46785996]Yeah, I figured out pretty much. This year I'm invited to a big new years eve party (I usually just get drunk with a couple of friends at new years), gonna see how it turns out
[editline]24th December 2014[/editline]
I also plan to continue losing weight (was 210 lbs, now 180, at 6'2''). That, finals and the fact that I'm finally renewing my whole room since all my stuff is from when I was a kid will certainly help diverting my mind off her :v:[/QUOTE]
Self-improvement is a great thing! Feel good about the weight loss!
My oh my.
So me and this one friend of mine have only talked online for over year.
And we've just been more and more frequent over time. So much so that it has become a daily activity.
Then I started planning on making a visit to her (half-ways across the country mind you).
Then a bit over a week ago she broke up with her girlfriend.
Because she doesn't have that many friends I thought that it's doubly important to make that visit.
I was about to post here earlier about "what do if feelings were to emerge?". Because I'll admit: I have strong feelings towards here and would love her whether it'd be platonic or romantic. Not only that but she had already called off two dates.
Well what would you know: This night when chatting with her; she then asks me if I would have sex with her. And I just worry if there is something more behind the question, but she insists that it's a yes or no question.
And I say: That depends on the consequences and my fear of loss.
But she jokingly adds: I become pregnant and you become my husband.
And things just become more and more apparent that she is not fooling around with this question ;_;
Whew!
Honestly I would've imagine us two to just stay at a steady stalemate of innocuous cutesy flirting, but she put out the big question and I decided to deal with the consequences of going with my gut feeling and being honest.
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