• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46893621]everyone's terrible at small talk and no one likes it but you kind of have to do it unless you find a girl that's like "hi my name is nicole what do you think happens when you die?"[/QUOTE] But it's just so god damn awkward no matter how you slice it.
All it takes is a "How're things going?" and if the other replies with more than just "fine." you're started, gratz!
fine i'm going to teach you how to small talk right now. it's not difficult. let us have a conversation. hi! *giggle* my name is sapphire and i'm definitely not a stripper. what's your name? [editline]9th January 2015[/editline] this is why you're bad at small talk you don't reply and let conversations just hang there
well friends i'm off i'll either have a good story or a hilariously embarassing one when i return but i will have one regardless
snip
fuck goddammit [editline]9th January 2015[/editline] she's part of the improv troupe we have on campus (I kind of am too but not really) and they had a show and it was good and she came up to me after and we chatted for a bit and introduced me to a friend (he was cool) and then i was like "hey i'm gonna head to the cafe and grab a drink, wanna join me?" and she was like "aw i can't we have to have an after event meeting thingy." and i was like "oh okay maybe next time then" which is fine and i think I'm okay because the way she said aw wasn't like "aw that's adorable, you poor thing" but more like "shit i'd love to but i can't", so hopefully on like tuesday or something we can do it. i hope. in the end that was actually preferable since like right after i left i let out a massive, massive fart that i wasn't expecting(i'm lactose intolerant but also a moron so i had a big milkshake earlier today with lunch) sounded like a wet sheet being ripped in half. no way i could have concealed that, so in the end maybe it's best that we couldn't do it tonight and i didn't irreperrably embarrass myself
[QUOTE=ZakkShock;46895607]Why can I not stop thinking about an ex? I mean I literally cannot stop fucking thinking about her. It's only been getting worse.[/QUOTE] try hanging out with friends, occupy your mind with something else.
[QUOTE=ZakkShock;46895607]Why can I not stop thinking about an ex? I mean I literally cannot stop fucking thinking about her. It's only been getting worse.[/QUOTE] This really sucks and I need to talk about it, because I'm in the same position as you except she kept talking to me after the break up to try and stay friends with me. It wasn't often, because whatever we talked about she'd slowly devolve into talking about the circumstances of our break up, what we are now, and how I want her back. After this, she wouldn't contact me again until a week later. I finally told her a week ago that I need to stay away from her for a bit until I could get over everything properly, and that I'd talk to her again some other day. Afterwards I finally worked up the nerve to delete her off my Skype and Facebook. Sure, now my life is going on like normal but that doesn't mean she's just dropped out of my thoughts. It doesn't matter how much I focus on school, or how much I go to the gym, or how much I hang out with my friends. Whenever I'm not occupied, she's there in my head. Whenever I try to sleep, she's what my thoughts constantly throw at me. Keeping myself occupied with something else is just a temporary solution in the long run. I try to think about other girls and how eventually I'll find someone else who will really make me happy, but she always works her way back into my thoughts no matter what. Maybe it's because I feel so robbed of future experiences I had planned with her, or because it's unfair to me what happened, and because I'm too damn stubborn about these kinds of things. I keep missing her, and the worst part is that it makes me feel so pathetic and confused, because I don't even know if she misses me back. Is this how you feel too? Because I really can relate, and it's an awful, awful feeling I wish I could fix myself.
I was feeling the exact same way as you for a good while, but you've made a big step in taking her off of social media. The only real way to get over someone as far as I can tell is to just cut them out of your life for a while. I thought I wanted to still be friends with my ex but the thing was that I couldn't move on from what we had if I had constant reminders of her. It takes time and you need to focus on other things and be with other people.
delete facebook hire lawyer hit gym there's a reason people always suggest those
I'm planning to join the gym that's about 2 minutes away from my house. It's nothing special, but it'll do the job. Also it's £5 a month for unlimited use, and basically the only rules are don't be a dick and tidy up whatever you use.
So I've discovered a lot of my confidence problems with girls come from lack of experience. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to properly communicate interest and I don't know how to understand when a girl is interested and when she just wants to be friends. And I'm worried because it's highly unlikely I'm going to meet a girl at this point who's as inexperienced as me so I'm scared of them getting turned off by inexperience. How can I get past this and still force myself to be confident?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901458]So I've discovered a lot of my confidence problems with girls come from lack of experience. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to properly communicate interest and I don't know how to understand when a girl is interested and when she just wants to be friends. And I'm worried because it's highly unlikely I'm going to meet a girl at this point who's as inexperienced as me so I'm scared of them getting turned off by inexperience. How can I get past this and still force myself to be confident?[/QUOTE] actively thinking that you can't do something is something you should stop doing as you'll often just worsen it. don't think of women like they're something different than humans, they're the same as us! also important, don't look at women as potential girlfriends, look at them as friends. it'll help a lot, and you'll know when it's something more than friends. flirting happens naturally so don't stress it, thinking of it will just make you aware of your actions which is just stressful and awkward.
Best thing I did for my confidence with women is to drop the whole attitude of thinking they're "oh shit, a girl", and just treat them like I would treat any other person. Just cause they're women, doesn't mean they're so drastically different from your guy friends. If you can chat fine with guys and don't come across as an awkward weirdo, just carry that over to talking to women and you'll be fine. If you're weird talking to guys, you'll be weird talking to girls. It helps if you're naturally witty / charismatic / interesting. [QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901458]So I've discovered a lot of my confidence problems with girls come from lack of experience. I don't know [B]how to flirt[/B], I don't know [B]how to properly communicate interest[/B] and I don't know[B] how to understand when a girl is interested[/B] and when she just wants to be friends. And I'm worried because it's highly unlikely I'm going to meet a girl at this point who's as inexperienced as me so I'm scared of them getting turned off by inexperience. How can I get past this and still force myself to be confident?[/QUOTE] Also your entire mentality when it comes to girls is so fucked. Stop giving a shit about wanting to be liked or knowing if they like you and all that crap. Just treat them like a friend and after time, they'll either voice their interest or it'll be obvious they like you. Or - beyond that - you can just ask them out for coffee after a few weeks if your friendship has been going well and you've found it easy to chat together. [B]TREAT EVERY GIRL LIKE SHE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS[/B] Also do yourself a favour and get some hobbies. Airsoft doesn't really count (it's fun and all, but it's not really an environment I'd think will help you gain social skills and stuff). Try not to sit on the PC all the time. Get out more, even if you're walking about on your own around the town or whatever. Spending countless hours on FP is not good. Your post history makes you seem as desperate as Elliot Rodgers was, dude. It's upsetting how fixated you are about this. If you're unhappy with your body image, make an active change towards bettering yourself in whatever way you find most enjoyable.
Alright, treat them like they just want to be friends. I can do that. I do know a few girls who I do treat just as friends, although one of them I did like a while ago and got super awkward around her for a while when she told me she's not looking for a relationship, but we're good friends again now. But the one thing I don't understand with treating them like you just want to be friends. Let's say you see a girl who you think is cute and you decide to talk to her only because you think she's cute. Do you tell her you think she's cute or do you just continue to just act friendly? Because by talking to a girl because she's being cute, you're already talking to her with more intentions than just being friends in mind. This is literally the one part of this I don't understand. [editline]10th January 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=loopoo;46901498] Also do yourself a favour and get some hobbies. Airsoft doesn't really count (it's fun and all, but it's not really an environment I'd think will help you gain social skills and stuff). Try not to sit on the PC all the time. Get out more, even if you're walking about on your own around the town or whatever. Spending countless hours on FP is not good. [b]Your post history makes you seem as desperate as Elliot Rodgers was, dude.[/b] It's upsetting how fixated you are about this. If you're unhappy with your body image, make an active change towards bettering yourself in whatever way you find most enjoyable.[/QUOTE] When I step back and see this it's actually terrifying. A lot of it does have to do with society's expectations though and I think as a society we need to really think about how we look at sex and relationships and accept that it's ok for people in their early 20s to still be virgins. That's honestly what I see causing Elliot Rodgers to snap, being a victim of society's expectations towards sex. As for hobbies, I live in one of those shitty places where there's not much to do. I don't even play airsoft anymore because it's a two hour drive to the nearest field and I don't have a car. I really do try to branch out and find new things, but I honestly don't know what else interests me. I'm going to try joining more clubs at my university this semester though because we have a "geek" club or some shit and I believe there's a metal club, both of which would probably be good fits for me because I'm into nerd shit and metal.
[IMG]http://i.gyazo.com/8740cac646146247aebced1cea4bd2b6.png[/IMG] Asking for relationship advice in the airsoft thread is literally the worst thing you can do. Most of those dudes are probably in the same boat as you. Just upright complimenting a girl like that is weird as fuck and would creep anyone out, unless you're a charismatic person and the girl has shown interest in you. And in your situation, I'd advise not telling her she's cute, cause you won't manage it without being awkward, especially when you've just met her!! Your one rule that you should follow is "just be a friend". The more you spend time with girls, the more you'll realise they're people as well. There really isn't much more to understand about this all. Stop being so desperate, take life as it comes. You'll have more chance of hitting it off with someone by being normal and friends at first, as opposed to trying to tell them how cute they are the second you see them. Also, girls your age are more attracted to an interesting guy with lots of hobbies. Hobbies give you more talking topics and help you mature as a person. Join uni clubs and societies to meet like-minded people. Uni is a melting pot for all types of people, so if you do meet a girl, you want to stand out, not just come across as some boring guy who doesn't do anything. [editline]11th January 2015[/editline] Nah Elliot snapped cause he's a sociopath.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46901614] Also, girls your age are more attracted to an interesting guy with lots of hobbies. Hobbies give you more talking topics and help you mature as a person. Join uni clubs and societies to meet like-minded people. Uni is a melting pot for all types of people, so if you do meet a girl, you want to stand out, not just come across as some boring guy who doesn't do anything. [/QUOTE] So this is where most of my problems are coming from then? I know I'm a boring guy that doesn't do anything, that's a given. But like I said, I do live somewhere where it's hard to jsut go out and find something to do. There are things I'd like to try, but cost money and don't have, but if I had a job I wouldn't have time for hobbies on top of work and school, and it's probably too late in life to start some of these things anyway. Like I wanted to learn to play guitar since I was like 12, but my parents would never let me because they straight up said I probably wouldn't be any good at it and now that I'm 21 I feel like it's too late to start. My parents straight up saying I wouldn't have been good at something probably didn't help either.
It's never too late to start. Always plenty of reasons to not start something, but it's about overcoming that. Small steps lead to great distances and all that. Nothing happens easily, and it takes lots of work to get good at something, but it's never too late to start. You can find all the excuses you want (you seem good at it!) but five years from now you'll still be in the same exact position if you let those excuses lead your life.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901664]So this is where most of my problems are coming from then? I know I'm a boring guy that doesn't do anything, that's a given. But like I said, I do live somewhere where it's hard to jsut go out and find something to do. There are things I'd like to try, but cost money and don't have, but if I had a job I wouldn't have time for hobbies on top of work and school, and it's probably too late in life to start some of these things anyway. Like I wanted to learn to play guitar since I was like 12, but my parents would never let me because they straight up said I probably wouldn't be any good at it and now that I'm 21 I feel like it's too late to start. My parents straight up saying I wouldn't have been good at something probably didn't help either.[/QUOTE] as loopoo said too, never too late! I know people in their 40s who have picked up instruments like guitar and gotten good at it, and you even see stories about people in their 70s going from fat to fit by working out as an another example. if you're going to be telling yourself excuses for anything that is new or why you're not able to do something, you're not going to get far.
I'll find something to do. I could always do something simple to start branching out instead of going all out on stuff. Like shit my phone has a decent enough camera that I could probably attempt photography or something. [editline]10th January 2015[/editline] If I knew how to properly use my phone camera that is because I know there's more settings than turning HDR on and off I just don't know how to get to them
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901733] If I knew how to properly use my phone camera that is because I know there's more settings than turning HDR on and off I just don't know how to get to them[/QUOTE] not knowing how to use it isn't a reason to drop it entirely. you got google, the android thread, and you could always experiment with it yourself. there are no photographers or guitarists out there who knew how to use their equipment from day one, it's something that builds up after you've begun doing it
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901664]So this is where most of my problems are coming from then? I know I'm a boring guy that doesn't do anything, that's a given. But like I said, I do live somewhere where it's hard to jsut go out and find something to do. There are things I'd like to try, but cost money and don't have, but if I had a job I wouldn't have time for hobbies on top of work and school, and it's probably too late in life to start some of these things anyway. Like I wanted to learn to play guitar since I was like 12, but my parents would never let me because they straight up said I probably wouldn't be any good at it and now that I'm 21 I feel like it's too late to start. My parents straight up saying I wouldn't have been good at something probably didn't help either.[/QUOTE] it took me 2 months to learn music theory on a moderate level with YT tutorials, and 2 weeks to learn basically every chord and chord extension a guitar and a myriad of strumming patterns, and I'm 17. I'm not saying age is a factor, but you're 21, that isn't too late at all. In fact, you might have an easier time grasping the concepts than I did at the time
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;46901562]Alright, treat them like they just want to be friends. I can do that. I do know a few girls who I do treat just as friends, although one of them I did like a while ago and got super awkward around her for a while when she told me she's not looking for a relationship, but we're good friends again now. But the one thing I don't understand with treating them like you just want to be friends. Let's say you see a girl who you think is cute and you decide to talk to her only because you think she's cute. Do you tell her you think she's cute or do you just continue to just act friendly? Because by talking to a girl because she's being cute, you're already talking to her with more intentions than just being friends in mind. This is literally the one part of this I don't understand.[/QUOTE] Speaking as a woman... If you are a man and you initiate a conversation with me when it isn't required to do so, I will assume you're only talking to me because you find me attractive. You're a single guy in your early 20s - just about everyone in that demographic is focused on finding a girlfriend. You don't need to consciously "flirt" because it's heavily implied. Also, don't obsess over finding someone else to love you because you refuse to love yourself. There's much more to life than companionship. You shouldn't be dependent on a relationship for your happiness - it should be a way for you to share your own enjoyment of life with another person.
Eliot Rogers snapped because he was an "incel" and believed he was actively being denied sex by the universe and he was owed sex and his not being able to get it was the fault of everyone except himself You can't get sex because you're socially awkward and inexperienced but as long as you believe that and not that it's the universe conspiring against you you're not hopeless.
So guys, I'm in a bit of a situation here, I need your help. So, 6 or 7 months ago, I started dating this chick. It was my first woman, everything started great, I lost my virginity to her, etc. But, it seems my infatuation with her was because it was something new to me, and some months ago (2 or 3) I started losing interest. However, she is totally into me. She is now the one that starts the conversation (always) and sometimes I just don't want to see her. I was thinking of breaking up, I wanted to meet and go out with other girls (just for fun), but it feels wrong being with her at the same time (even if we are not technically bf and gf). But here's the problem. I'm of course, not a ladies man, I'm a bit shy, I don't have a job, I don't have a car (I have the family car but I don't know how to drive), etc. Everything a girl wants or demands nowadays, I don't have. This girl doesn't mind at all (at least for now). We even go fifty- fifty when we go out together. So, I'm afraid I'm never going to meet a girl like this again. I'm afraid of losing a person that likes me and it's into me, and cares for me. And at the same time, I don't see myself staying with this person for all eternity and I want to meet other girls (I'm not that bad looking, half the time I go out to some bar or club I make out with random girls, sometimes I get their numbers, but this is the first time I actually went out on a date with one after our first meeting). And also go out with friends without worrying what this girl may think of me or what I'm doing that night. And I'm thinking about more stuff but right now it's super late and I'm super sleepy, so I can't think of anything else. Anyway, someone that has been in my situation or similar, or just want to help. What do you think I should/shouldn't do, what's the best way to face this situation?
You should let her go. If you aren't interested in her anymore and not tell her, you're giving her time to figure it out by herself and then your situation will be much worse because you weren't honest with her. Plus if it's stressful and limiting, you need to be honest, man up and tell her. She may at least recognise your honesty and understand how you feel, and it'll be better for the both of you. There's no need to worry about finding another SO. There's 8 billion of us on this planet, and there are countless people around us. We won't be compatible with all of them, but we're guaranteed to find someone else.
Dudes I have my first date coming sunday, I don't know the girl very well yet. Any thing I absolutely have to avoid? I'm taking her to an Italian restaurant
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;46904626]Dudes I have my first date coming sunday, I don't know the girl very well yet. Any thing I absolutely have to avoid? I'm taking her to an Italian restaurant[/QUOTE] since it's the first date and you don't know her very well, treat the encounter like any other. actively thinking about things you should avoid and how to act will just make it worse as you'll just make yourself self aware of everything you do. might just be me, but taking her to a restaurant sounds a little cliche
I already told her where we were going and she said she was very happy bc she loved pizza and lasanga, her friend (who linked us up) also told me she'd love that place.
Restaurant is fine, tbh. Not cliche at all, and I think it comes across as mature as well. Also, for coffee dates, I always try and avoid major chains. Instead, I'll take her somewhere different and nice, countryside coffee houses are awesome for this. Bit of a change of pace and not the same rehashed stuff over and over. [editline]11th January 2015[/editline] You seem as if you've got the cat in the bag anyways, dude. I hope you have a lovely date!
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