• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Rhenae;46915441]Oh god anything but over the phone support. That is literally the worst and most overly stressful job for shit pay ever. I can understand having some anxiety post that but just trust in the fact there are few things as terrible as what you have already experienced.[/QUOTE] Yeah I'm aware of that but there's a lack of motivation to find another one. I'm planning on heading to uni in september, in the meantime I'm dedicating this year to figuring out my shit and I need all the help I can get.
Honestly, explicitly acknowledging that you lack motivation to do something is not going to help you at all. If you want to improve yourself, then you need to be open to suggestions. We've been trying to tell you this this whole time. It makes literally zero sense to come here, telling us your problems and how you want to fix them, and as soon as we suggest something, you dismiss it because "I don't wanna".
[QUOTE=Splash Attack;46915598]Honestly, explicitly acknowledging that you lack motivation to do something is not going to help you at all. If you want to improve yourself, then you need to be open to suggestions. We've been trying to tell you this this whole time. It makes literally zero sense to come here, telling us your problems and how you want to fix them, and as soon as we suggest something, you dismiss it because "I don't wanna".[/QUOTE] Though I'm not saying this. I really want to fix my problems. I'm really motivated to fix my problems. I am unmotivated to find another job because I can't handle stress properly yet and I want it gone before I tackle something like a job.
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46915667]Though I'm not saying this. I really want to fix my problems. I'm really motivated to fix my problems. I am unmotivated to find another job [B]because I can't handle stress properly yet[/B] and I want it gone before I tackle something like a job.[/QUOTE] This is another thing that is not helping. If you keep telling yourself that you can't handle or are incapable of doing something, you're never going to be able to actually doing it. Self confidence is not something that shows up overnight. It is something you have to build and work at. The things you have said you are going to work on and improve are a good start, and it's great that you're already setting goals to begin improving yourself. I think you are limiting yourself, though. Do you want to learn how to properly handle stress? I have a great remedy for doing just that; it's called getting a job. Like I said earlier, you can't make real progress by staying in your comfort zone. You're not going to learn how to deal with stress until you force yourself to actually handle stress. [editline]12th January 2015[/editline] I've posted this in this thread before but,ere's a video of a behavioral psychologist giving a TED talk. There's a part later on in the video that I think is relevant and could be helpful. [video=youtube;Ks-_Mh1QhMc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc[/video] [editline]12th January 2015[/editline] Scratch that, the whole thing would be pretty helpful.
Just because I say I don't handle stress, doesn't mean for all eternity I won't be able to handle stress. I am acknowledging a problem that I have that I wish to fix. I'll take your advice and try to go outside my comfort zone, but is there really anything else that I can do to gradually go outside my comfort zone? Like yeah I'll try to get another job soon but I'm just wondering if there's anything else I could to do to handle stress
Why did you stop taking antidepressants? Did your doctor recommend it or did you just think you didn't need them anymore?
One thing I hear about a lot is making an effort to talk to strangers. It can be something as simple as saying hello to someone walking by or making small talk with the guy on the bus next to you. Nothing too difficult. It would also be wise to set realistic goals for yourself in doing this. For example, you can make the goal of talking to at least one new person every day. Not to sound redundant, but this is another case where getting a job can help. Speaking from experience, working a job where I was forced talk to customers constantly worked wonders for my confidence in this respect. Also, watch that video. Seriously.
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46915803]Just because I say I don't handle stress, doesn't mean for all eternity I won't be able to handle stress. I am acknowledging a problem that I have that I wish to fix. I'll take your advice and try to go outside my comfort zone, but is there really anything else that I can do to gradually go outside my comfort zone? Like yeah I'll try to get another job soon but I'm just wondering if there's anything else I could to do to handle stress[/QUOTE] Well, the way we learn to handle stress is to put ourselves in stressful situations and kinda just get used to it over time? So talking to strangers as Splash said is a good start for a lot of people or stuff like that. It depends on what for you personally you need to get used to. It depends on what type of "don't handle stress" you mean too. My bf got over stressed from work and moving months ago he started having panic attacks, vs if I get over stressed I tend to just shut down and refuse to do anything. The coping is all kind of different and you'll have to figure out a method which works for you. For me personally I thrive on lists, small manageable to do lists help me through everything when I get too stressed and start shutting down (and just general goal meeting cause I'm pretty bad at motivation myself to be honest) if you wanted some specific suggestions I can try to help out if you could give me a specific thing you were having trouble doing or the likes but in general browsing the Web for other people's methods and adapting them to work for you is a good way to go [editline]13th January 2015[/editline] The thing which changed my life the most in confidence and Outlook was a story I heard back in high school. It was told by one of the girls in my year as part of her class speech one year about depression. It was a true story although not related to her specifically or anyone she knew, and she is one of the honestly nicest and friendliest people I have ever met. The story is about a man who was going to commit suicide. He walked his way to a bridge near where he lived and jumped He left a suicide note, and the note said that if a single person smiled at him on his way there he would stop and turn around and try to live again. No one did. I've put a lot of my time and effort into helping other people and not specifically because of that story, but related to it, I smile at everyone I walk by, irrelevant of how I feel. And you know what? Other than hopefully helping someone else's day it also has improved my life as well. It's surprising to see once you stop staring at the ground when you walk how many other people stare at the group, or how many other people will only briefly steal a glance at another person on the sidewalk before awkwardly staring in any direction except eye contact. And you realize that so many people aren't comfortable in their own skin, or with other people. It's not just you and never was just you. It's odd how that illusion everyone keeps up of being happy and confident breaks so quickly when you try to catch the eye and a smile of strangers on the street. And smiling made me feel better too when I was upset or mad. You can't get caught up in your own troubles and large pile of small anxieties when you have to pay attention and put on a genuine smile to wish another person a good day as they walk past. This isn't really directed at anyone in particular but is something I've wanted to type out to the thread for a while now, but hopefully there is something useful to be parsed out of this. That story and what seems a small change, looking at people and smiling when you walk by, made such a huge difference for me so I hope it can for someone else as well.
[QUOTE=Splash Attack;46915861]One thing I hear about a lot is making an effort to talk to strangers. It can be something as simple as saying hello to someone walking by or making small talk with the guy on the bus next to you. Nothing too difficult. It would also be wise to set realistic goals for yourself in doing this. For example, you can make the goal of talking to at least one new person every day. Not to sound redundant, but this is another case where getting a job can help. Speaking from experience, working a job where I was forced talk to customers constantly worked wonders for my confidence in this respect. Also, watch that video. Seriously.[/QUOTE] Most of the jobs that are available to me involve dealing with other people so I might as well start jobhunting again Also that video actually helped for all the wrong reasons. Thinking back in highschool and on the job interview I was actually pretty damn chillax because I would take up like 2.5 desk spaces. Well on the job interview I sat up straight but there are some moments where I would catch myself stretching out. [QUOTE=Rhenae;46915912]Well, the way we learn to handle stress is to put ourselves in stressful situations and kinda just get used to it over time? So talking to strangers as Splash said is a good start for a lot of people or stuff like that. It depends on what for you personally you need to get used to. It depends on what type of "don't handle stress" you mean too. My bf got over stressed from work and moving months ago he started having panic attacks, vs if I get over stressed I tend to just shut down and refuse to do anything. The coping is all kind of different and you'll have to figure out a method which works for you. For me personally I thrive on lists, small manageable to do lists help me through everything when I get too stressed and start shutting down (and just general goal meeting cause I'm pretty bad at motivation myself to be honest) if you wanted some specific suggestions I can try to help out if you could give me a specific thing you were having trouble doing or the likes but in general browsing the Web for other people's methods and adapting them to work for you is a good way to go [/QUOTE] I'm like your BF, I get anxiety attacks over it. I still function but I freak out a bit. The only thing that truly bothers me is that people dedicate their time to making me feel like shit. I'm not talking about the GMF, they do it just to have fun but there are plenty of people I've encountered that truly dedicated a large portion of their time letting me know that they do not like me and everything about me. Someone is already trying to help me with that (it's very difficult for him because I'm sometimes an idiot in certain situations) so I'm grateful for that.
why did you stop taking antidepressants? did your doctor tell you to or did you just think you didn't need them anymore?
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46916017]I'm like your BF, I get anxiety attacks over it. I still function but I freak out a bit. The only thing that truly bothers me is that people dedicate their time to making me feel like shit. I'm not talking about the GMF, they do it just to have fun but there are plenty of people I've encountered that truly dedicated a large portion of their time letting me know that they do not like me and everything about me. Someone is already trying to help me with that (it's very difficult for him because I'm sometimes an idiot in certain situations) so I'm grateful for that.[/QUOTE] I'm drunk so i'll keep this brief. People on the internet cannot solve your problems for you. I love you guys and all but being shitty and condescending to ROFLBURGER is not going to solve anything. I think y'all care too much sometimes. To paraphrase Epictetus, most human anxiety comes from us not being able to distinguish the difference between the things we can control and the things we can't. I think some of the regulars in this thread need to accept their lack of control over situations like this and try to provide advice more rationally instead of bringing it to a more heated, personal level. You can offer advice but acting condescending is not an effective way to get through to someone, ever. By acting this way you're demeaning him as a person and devaluing his perspectives. ROFL, I would strongly recommend you either see a counselor or get back on antidepressants. Some of us get the short end of the stick when it comes to mental disorders. I recently started dealing with PTSD from something that happened a few months ago and it is a fucking chore just to truly start paying attention to your own mental well-being. But this is exactly what counselors and other mental health professionals are there for - to provide guidance. They cannot automatically solve your problems but they can offer you the knowledge and techniques you need to better handle your day-to-day difficulties. Antidepressants alone won't fix shitty lifestyle habits but they can act as a catalyst for change if you use them in such a way. I'm sorry that everyone in this thread has forgotten how to be respectful toward you and I hope that doesn't drive you away from seeking help. We try our best, but at the end of the day the regulars in this thread are just a group of kids in their early 20s with no formal education in psychology or communication. We can offer our uninformed opinions on petty relationship problems but nobody here has the right to talk someone else down because of a mental disorder they don't have the capacity to understand.
drunk on a monday night? Pfft
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46916141]drunk on a monday night? Pfft[/QUOTE] Boyfriend is here for the next week, until next Monday. Classes start next Tues I think but I wouldn't be surprised if I spend next Monday the same way I am now. Currently trying to resist his attempts to make me go to sleep.
Stop having a life Guy, I miss you :c
yeah and also stop being happy and rubbing it in
[QUOTE=Remedial Math;46916199]yeah and also stop being happy and rubbing it in[/QUOTE] Now that you mention it, bf and I finally got a photo together! [thumb]http://i.imgur.com/3UadNzG.jpg[/thumb] cutest couple 2015?
I SAID STOP BEING HAPPY [editline]12th January 2015[/editline] also yes
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46916261]Now that you mention it, bf and I finally got a photo together! [thumb]http://i.imgur.com/3UadNzG.jpg[/thumb] cutest couple 2015?[/QUOTE] I always imagined in my mind that you looked like your avatar for some reason.
[QUOTE=junker154;46917073]I always imagined in my mind that you looked like your avatar for some reason.[/QUOTE] Unfortunately I am not the god of dreams (and I'd say my style of dress puts me closer to Death from that series). And according to one of my friends I apparently have the voice of a fat girl so I suppose I don't sound the part either. Also, 2 disagrees? Rude.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;46916137]I'm sorry that everyone in this thread has forgotten how to be respectful toward you and I hope that doesn't drive you away from seeking help. We try our best, but at the end of the day the regulars in this thread are just a group of kids in their early 20s with no formal education in psychology or communication. We can offer our uninformed opinions on petty relationship problems but nobody here has the right to talk someone else down because of a mental disorder they don't have the capacity to understand.[/QUOTE] I'm all for helping people out, but when you come into the thread with a preset agenda of just wanting to victimise yourself and you're not even making the slightest effort in talking about your problems maturely, it just seems like it's a waste of time. Especially when people are going out of their way to be helpful but you're more interested in putting yourself down to try and perpetuate some sympathies from people who are already giving it. It's even more frustrating the way he blows up when he receives even the slightest bit of criticism or gets called out on what he's doing. I normally don't get annoyed at people and would have shut up about it, but it's irritating to see the same modus operandi used two and a half years ago: selectively ignore or counter sound advice / kind words with pointless derogatory remarks about yourself. If my problems were as serious as his, I wouldn't even be posting on this forum to begin with, I'd be seeking professional help (which he claims he's doing). How are a "group of kids in their early 20s" gonna outdo the help a professional can give? We're not even the Depression and Anxiety thread, this is the Super Friendly Social thread. Ask about how to make friends or something. He hasn't received the response he wants from Depression and Anxiety thread, so instead he's coming here to try and gain some sort of validation. It's just a waste of time. PS: It's good to see you doing well (sans the PTSD stuff) and Captain America seems like a nice dude. [QUOTE][IMG]http://i.gyazo.com/7e5631529dacfbb389f83cdcfe0807bb.png[/IMG][/QUOTE] Not even a thank you or the slightest attempt to take this constructively. Fast forward a few hours, and he claims my post depressed him and stopped him from saying thank you, despite this being hours after Rhenae and everyone actually complimented him. It's like he's just compulsively trying to either cause drama or seek validation from people [QUOTE][IMG]http://i.gyazo.com/bd803169ee065611b6148bbc8d7010b3.png[/IMG][/QUOTE] [editline]13th January 2015[/editline] Anyways, I'm out. I've realised I've been getting into this far too much, which is probably because of the fact I should be studying for an exam I have in two days :v: Would rather argue with people over the internet than revise, procrastination is weird.
[QUOTE=loopoo;46917559]I'm all for helping people out, but when you come into the thread with a preset agenda of just wanting to victimise yourself and you're not even making the slightest effort in talking about your problems maturely, it just seems like it's a waste of time. Especially when people are going out of their way to be helpful but you're more interested in putting yourself down to try and perpetuate some sympathies from people who are already giving it. It's even more frustrating the way he blows up when he receives even the slightest bit of criticism or gets called out on what he's doing.[/QUOTE] I get where you're coming from. It can definitely be frustrating when people post here for advice but aren't easily moved. What I was trying to say in my drunken rant was that getting emotionally involved with situations like this sometimes only makes matters worse - regardless of whether it's justified to argue/get frustrated with him, it isn't going to solve his issues. I think a lot of us need to accept that not every situation is in our control - ROFLBURGER and a lot of the other people who have passed through here suffering from depression/other mood disorders simply aren't people who can be helped by a group of forum-goers with no formal training. There's a point where we need to take a step back and accept that our strategies of advising aren't going to work before we make things worse and add to that person's problems. I also think it should be considered that not everyone knows/is willing to admit why they're here. I would argue that a lot of the non-regulars who visit this thread come here because they expect a certain result - for instance, some posters here are just seeking emotional support but post under the guise of someone seeking advice, and many of the people seeking advice have already made a decision and are looking for encouragement that they're making the right choice. I don't have much to say on ROFL'S posts for the most part (I would delegate that to a professional) but I will say this. Deflecting compliments is instinctive for some people. It seems like that's the case for you - I used to do the same because I thought it was a good way of showing humbleness. However, it tends to come off the opposite way - while you think you're only being self-deprecating by doing it, you're actually insulting the person who made the comment by discrediting their opinion. It's more courteous to accept compliments even if you don't agree with them.
what's the right way to react when people say you're a genius?
[QUOTE=Eric95;46917794]what's the right way to react when people say you're a genius?[/QUOTE] I usually go with "shut up baby, I know it"
"Ah. I knew you'd say that."
[img]http://i.imgur.com/OKt0aIe.png[/img] I don't think he likes me.
I feel like maybe this would be a good time to combine with the Sex Gf and Shit thread? Or someone needs to go make a new thread, 'cause I ain't. New SGFaS thread: [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1446321[/url]
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