Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Babyarm-bat]

My gf is in Chicago for the summer and she told me she wants to be able to be happy without me, just meaning not being dependent on me and lost without me. It's making me feel like I'm way behind in maturation, because I'm trying to look at it rationally and it doesn't seem like she's leaving me or taking a break or anything dramatic like that, but can someone tell me why I feel so uneasy about this?

I think it's the perceived maturation gap but I just want someone with outside perspective to talk to me about this please. I love her and I know she loves me, I think I'm just being clingy and trying to lock down what I think is the best thing ever after 5 relationships, I've talked to her about this too, but again, outside perspective.

Rhenae, anxiety sister help me, talking to my gf on phone after 3 days of no contact cause she was at a music festival, I was having a panic attack the whole time and broke down a little to my gf on the phone, but I composed and she understands how I'm feeling. I just want someone to set me straight, I'm really lost and this doesn't feel right at 19, I should've figured it out

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=babyarm-bat;40810470]My gf is in Chicago for the summer and she told me she wants to be able to be happy without me, just meaning not being dependent on me and lost without me. It's making me feel like I'm way behind in maturation, because I'm trying to look at it rationally and it doesn't seem like she's leaving me or taking a break or anything dramatic like that, but can someone tell me why I feel so uneasy about this?

I think it's the perceived maturation gap but I just want someone with outside perspective to talk to me about this please. I love her and I know she loves me, I think I'm just being clingy and trying to lock down what I think is the best thing ever after 5 relationships, I've talked to her about this too, but again, outside perspective.

Rhenae, anxiety sister help me, talking to my gf on phone after 3 days of no contact cause she was at a music festival, I was having a panic attack the whole time and broke down a little to my gf on the phone, but I composed and she understands how I'm feeling. I just want someone to set me straight, I'm really lost and this doesn't feel right at 19, I should've figured it out[/QUOTE]

I'm only 19 my self, and I guess if it is a maturity thing to not miss and need the person your with thats a maturity level I haven't gotten anywhere near either.
I don't know if its maturity or more of a different type of relationship, some people prefer being dependent on their significant other and view it as a strength of the relationship to always need to be with them. Other people want more independence and being more of a separate entity from the relationship while being in one.

Best advice I can give is to just talk it over fully with her and how you feel, just try to get some resolution and make a decision to stick with on how you feel about it, and what each other want. Don't worry about breaking down to the person your dating, you should be able to do that and share fully. Ive had to have my breakdowns with my bf, and him back to me as well.
Just talk it over and try to put your mind at ease(preferably in person, cuddles help everything <3 but since you probably can't I find skype calls best, just audio chat and if your having trouble saying something you can just type it instead. Works well for us), and really don't worry about not having everything figured out at 19, bugger if I know anyone who does! We perceive everyone else as a lot better off than we are, certainly doesn't mean they are. Theres a TON to figure out beyond 19, and so many other levels to a relationship. Theres a longgg way to go before you have to worry about not knowing thing or being insecure a bit about your knowledge of a relationship.
And really everyone figures out at their own pace, there is no age by which you should have figured it out :)

edit:
ohgod writing this after watching an episode of star trek voyager that was super sad :v: pardon the wording if its a little weird and or I sound depressed as all hell :v:

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40808402]If you don't get a call back I would maybe send a text since I know a lot of people who don't keep caller ID and can't call back etc.[/QUOTE]

Nah, to be honest, I'm really not in the mood for romance right now. I'm going to have 4 exams this month, plus food bank volunteering. I'm gonna be living the Monk life this month, so I have other priorities right now.

Pass the exams, who knows. Maybe I'll give her another call and eventually text her. That IF I don't catch a plane to Mozambique or something to teach Portuguese and Math to the kids, and eventually eat oatmeal and shit on a bucket on a daily basis.

[CorporalRoss]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40812217]Nah, to be honest, I'm really not in the mood for romance right now. I'm going to have 4 exams this month, plus food bank volunteering. I'm gonna be living the Monk life this month, so I have other priorities right now.

Pass the exams, who knows. Maybe I'll give her another call and eventually text her. That IF I don't catch a plane to Mozambique or something to teach Portuguese and Math to the kids, and eventually eat oatmeal and shit on a bucket on a daily basis.[/QUOTE]

If you do fly to mozambique and do that that pretty much turn me on chick stuff if you tell them you did that.

I didn't say for every chick, just on average.

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=CorporalRoss;40814285]If you do fly to mozambique and do that that pretty much turn me on chick stuff if you tell them you did that.

I didn't say for every chick, just on average.[/QUOTE]

What are you trying to say.

[CorporalRoss]

Now that I look at it... I can't even understand what I did there.

Something about chicks and africa. I'm not sure.

[Jo The Shmo]

hello i have been dating this girl for about 2 months now but i want to break up with her for various reasons

but the thing is, i'm only in this city for about 2 more weeks, and then I won't see her for 3 months until classes start again in september

I feel shitty breaking up with her now, because its like I used her until i left and then dumped her (which is really not true, things were just working until about 2 weeks ago, and it only reached the point of me wanting to break up with her a few days ago)

i don't know what to do, can someone help?

[thisispain]

you have to break up with her regardless of how shitty it might feel, because if you wait it'll only make it worse and that's an even more shitty thing to do imo

[killerteacup]

Yeah regardless of context you gotta do it

[OficerHonkHonk]

I'm certain I'm an aspie, or borderline retarded.

Last Tuesday was yearbook signing day. I didn't buy one this year because reasons. During the signing time I met a really nice girl who talked to me like I was a friend although I'd never met her before. After maybe 2 minutes of just BS'ing, I awkwardly leave because I'm afraid I'm scaring her. I'd like to re-approach her and not seem like a dumbass or some sort of creep. How do I do so Facepunch?

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=OficerHonkHonk;40822492]I'm certain I'm an aspie, or borderline retarded.

Last Tuesday was yearbook signing day. I didn't buy one this year because reasons. During the signing time I met a really nice girl who talked to me like I was a friend although I'd never met her before. After maybe 2 minutes of just BS'ing, I awkwardly leave because I'm afraid I'm scaring her. I'd like to re-approach her and not seem like a dumbass or some sort of creep. How do I do so Facepunch?[/QUOTE]

not being able to talk to a girl is not a reason to call yourself retarded or call yourself an aspie (which is a pretty discriminatory term)

The question you've asked is the sort of question that noone can really answer proper because you know as well as we do that all you have to do is go up and talk to her. There aren't any easy strategies to make it easier on you. Just go up and say hi, and strike up a conversation

[OficerHonkHonk]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;40822525]not being able to talk to a girl is not a reason to call yourself retarded or call yourself an aspie (which is a pretty discriminatory term)

The question you've asked is the sort of question that noone can really answer proper because you know as well as we do that all you have to do is go up and talk to her. There aren't any easy strategies to make it easier on you. Just go up and say hi, and strike up a conversation[/QUOTE]

I realize that my question was hard to answer now. Shit, I gotta think stuff out before posting. I'm terrible at social interaction. Fuck it, what's there to lose? Thanks man.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=OficerHonkHonk;40822612]I realize that my question was hard to answer now. Shit, I gotta think stuff out before posting. I'm terrible at social interaction. Fuck it, what's there to lose? Thanks man.[/QUOTE]

start by not beating yourself up so much man, I'm sure you'll do fine :)

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=OficerHonkHonk;40822612]Fuck it, what's there to lose?[/QUOTE]

This is what you have to repeat to yourself until you actually believe it.

If you don't approach her again, you will probably never talk to her again. The odds of her approaching you first are extremely small to none.

If you do approach her, worst case scenario is you weird her out and she doesn't talk to you again. Best case scenario, you hit it off.

Both have the chance of ending in failure, but only one has the chance of ending in success.

I guarantee you, speaking from pure experience, you will regret every time you didn't say anything for the rest of your life. However, you will [i]never[/i] regret taking the risk, making the approach, regardless of how horrendous it plays out. You'll beat yourself up over it for a while, but when you get older, you will be proud of yourself for taking the risk.

[killerteacup]

Does he have a job?

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;40824863]Well we live in Greece and he is 19 so not really and also can't get one because it's really hard getting a job here.[/QUOTE]

Getting one or not he might feep better if he really just tried at it. At least dedicating himself to something would help, sounds like hes pretty hardcore stuck in a rut.

[Godline]

I wouldn't advise telling him to spend a lot of time looking for a job I know its pretty soul destroying getting app after app rejected. what you need to do is advise him to apply for a set amount of jobs either per day or week put as much effort into that specific number then drop it. you've put the effort in go do something else. start drawing up a list of shit you can do for free or that is insanely cheap. Football in the park free bring a pack of beers now cheap and even more fun, I don't know that was just off the top of my head. stop lending him money he can't pay it back and shit like that can destroy friendships.

[Loopoo]

Fucking Frisbee man, Frisbee is all sorts of fun. Go play it at the beach, the wind makes for awesome throws.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;40824863]Well we live in Greece and he is 19 so not really and also can't get one because it's really hard getting a job here.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40824950]Getting one or not he might feep better if he really just tried at it. At least dedicating himself to something would help, sounds like hes pretty hardcore stuck in a rut.[/QUOTE]

uh really just trying may not work as he lives in greece

That's really shitty bro, maybe he could do some volunteer stuff? Always for the feel good value

[Headhumpy]

Okay guys I have a serious problem. Whenever I'm with female friends, I just can't help but look at their boobs, even when I'm talking to them. They don't show it, but I'm pretty fucking sure they notice it.

How do I stop myself from glancing at their boobs every 2 seconds???

[Slowbro]

Just don't look at their fucking tits, it's not hard.

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=Headhumpy;40826399]Okay guys I have a serious problem. Whenever I'm with female friends, I just can't help but look at their boobs, even when I'm talking to them. They don't show it, but I'm pretty fucking sure they notice it.

How do I stop myself from glancing at their boobs every 2 seconds???[/QUOTE]

I remember my first boner.

[Headhumpy]

[QUOTE=Yahnich;40826629]are you 14[/QUOTE]

I'm not, which is what bothers me.

[Loopoo]

Seriously, I can't imagine how it's such a big deal. You keep staring at their breasts? Just... stop? It's not that hard. And it must be really creepy / awkward if it's blatantly obvious.

And even if it's on the sly, it'll still be creepy / awkward.

[CorporalRoss]

Clearly you have never had the situation of noticing a majestic pair of breasts that seems to defies the norm resulting in a uncontrollable urge to take in every detail and pore over the finest thing your eyes have ever laid upon.

[Loopoo]

Headhumpy made it seem like he molests their breasts with his eyes uncontrollably whenever he's in a 2 meter radius of a girl. That's a lot different than admiring a fine rack.

[LoneWolf_Recon]

So guys, I'm #54238138 of the long string of guys with the trouble of social engagements with girls whether it be with girls who are just friends or girls I've had interest in/tried to date/dated. Generally under the I suppose self inflicted pressure of feeling scrutinized for every sentence I say, I tend to make an idiot of myself when I'm talking about some random subject to just start a conversation. Maybe its not in their interest, or perhaps I'm lacking the self confidence to do so. This leads me to being that I have to 'prepare' for a conversation of interesting things to say, instead of letting myself just naturally talk and converse like I generally do with my guy friends.

Another thing is the vulnerability of self esteem when a girl rips on me or when I get the feeling as in the previous paragraph of 'you are making an idiot of yourself talking about <insert subject here>'. I can sustain myself and know when a guy is ripping on me that we're joking and shit.

Advice? (Sorry for the wall of text)

[robmaister12]

[QUOTE=LoneWolf_Recon;40828741]So guys, I'm #54238138 of the long string of guys with the trouble of social engagements with girls whether it be with girls who are just friends or girls I've had interest in/tried to date/dated. Generally under the I suppose self inflicted pressure of feeling scrutinized for every sentence I say, I tend to make an idiot of myself when I'm talking about some random subject to just start a conversation. Maybe its not in their interest, or perhaps I'm lacking the self confidence to do so. This leads me to being that I have to 'prepare' for a conversation of interesting things to say, instead of letting myself just naturally talk and converse like I generally do with my guy friends.

Another thing is the vulnerability of self esteem when a girl rips on me or when I get the feeling as in the previous paragraph of 'you are making an idiot of yourself talking about <insert subject here>'. I can sustain myself and know when a guy is ripping on me that we're joking and shit.

Advice? (Sorry for the wall of text)[/QUOTE]

Treat them like dudes. In your head you're putting all women on a pedestal and thinking you have to act "more properly" or in some different way around them. You don't. Just act regularly, talk about things that you find interesting, ask about what interests her. If she rips on you, return fire. You can have female bros.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=Headhumpy;40826399]How do I stop myself from glancing at their boobs every 2 seconds???[/QUOTE]

stare at them

[&gt;&gt;oubliet]

So usually I spend my time being elitist down in the programming sides of the forums; I'm feeling sociable today, so here I am.

I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I'm wondering if it's worth asking out someone that I wouldn't see that often. By not often I mean I live 2 hours away from her and we don't go to the same school, the only time we'd both have free time ( occasionally ) is on weekends and even then it costs about €20 to just get up to where she lives. Someone might say "If you really liked her, then you'd go to those extents". The thing is I will go to those extends, but I can only go so far - if it's simply not far enough, is it just a long road to almost certain demise?

By not much relationship experience I mean I have absolutely no relationship experience - the same problem occurs over and over again, I live too far away from every other human being.

Suggestions? Thanks