Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT - General - Facepunch Forum

Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

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[QUOTE=robmaister12;40831101]Treat them like dudes. In your head you're putting all women on a pedestal and thinking you have to act "more properly" or in some different way around them. You don't. Just act regularly, talk about things that you find interesting, ask about what interests her. If she rips on you, return fire. You can have female bros.[/QUOTE] What about in a relationship? I don't want to make someone feel like I don't treat them special when I want to.

[QUOTE=>>oubliette<<;40833167]So usually I spend my time being elitist down in the programming sides of the forums; I'm feeling sociable today, so here I am. I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I'm wondering if it's worth asking out someone that I wouldn't see that often. By not often I mean I live 2 hours away from her and we don't go to the same school, the only time we'd both have free time ( occasionally ) is on weekends and even then it costs about €20 to just get up to where she lives. Someone might say "If you really liked her, then you'd go to those extents". The thing is I will go to those extends, but I can only go so far - if it's simply not far enough, is it just a long road to almost certain demise? By not much relationship experience I mean I have absolutely no relationship experience - the same problem occurs over and over again, I live too far away from every other human being. Suggestions? Thanks[/QUOTE] My current/most recent relationship involved us being seperated by a few hundred miles due to going to different colleges. We meet and lived in the same town and got to know each other for a while (~ 1 year) before we left for college. Its hard, but we made it through Skype, Steam, monthly-ish visits, etc. It requires alot of patience on both sides, let me tell you. However, if you and your partner can balance between spending time seperately and plan to keep up calling, etc regularly, then you can make it work. I'd recommend getting to know her for a while before seperating, however if she was seperated to begin with, its going to be hard. Some people can do long distance relationships, some can't.

[QUOTE=>>oubliette<<;40833167]So usually I spend my time being elitist down in the programming sides of the forums; I'm feeling sociable today, so here I am. I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I'm wondering if it's worth asking out someone that I wouldn't see that often. By not often I mean I live 2 hours away from her and we don't go to the same school, the only time we'd both have free time ( occasionally ) is on weekends and even then it costs about €20 to just get up to where she lives. Someone might say "If you really liked her, then you'd go to those extents". The thing is I will go to those extends, but I can only go so far - if it's simply not far enough, is it just a long road to almost certain demise? By not much relationship experience I mean I have absolutely no relationship experience - the same problem occurs over and over again, I live too far away from every other human being. Suggestions? Thanks[/QUOTE] hey man, do it The girl I'm with right now, we spent the first 6 or so months of our relationship living about 2.5 hours away from each other and seeing each other by making trips up - its not hard and it makes every time you see her more worthwhile because of the effort you make

[QUOTE=LoneWolf_Recon;40834083]What about in a relationship? I don't want to make someone feel like I don't treat them special when I want to.[/QUOTE] Spit in their drink, hit them when they make you angry, ditch them on dates. That'll make them not feel special.

So basically there's this girl I like in school. I'm a freshman in high school and she's a sophomore. I don't really know her that well, first time I saw her was in my gym class and I never even payed much attention to her. I talked to her once, it was a nice but short conversation. Anyway, the next time we talked was the day after the school play that I acted in--she greeted me and said I did great. She saw the play again the next weekend and I talked to her for a second after that. And ever since then, which was maybe in the middle of March, she would say "Hi Jason!" in her friendly, energetic tone (the only tone I've heard come out of her) whenever she saw me in the hall, but it never seemed like flirting as much as joking in a cute and friendly way. And after I while, I decided that I was a little interested in her. Now I'd really like to get to know her better. Problem is, I have nearly no opportunity to. She isn't in any of my classes, also she's fairly popular and always with her friends so I never get a chance to talk in person. I thought about asking her to hang out and do something, but I get the feeling that I can't just do that after hardly being on a friend basis with her. I consulted my friends, they said it would be a good idea to message her on Facebook, seeing that I was already friends with her on there. So I did today, and the conversation is going like this: Me Hey! Her Hey Jason! Me What's up? Her Not much I'm just doing some Chem homework? You? Me Not much either, just listening to music and studying for a social studies test. Her Nice! What kind of music? Me Daft Punk, have you heard of them? Daft Punk, have you heard of them? (accidentally sent it twice) Her No I haven't! Are they good? Me Yeah, they just came out with a new album which I think is great. They have a single called "Get Lucky" if you wanna check it out. So what kind of music do you listen to? And that's where it ends...I may be being paranoid, but I'm a bit worried. I sent that, maybe, four hours ago and she saw the message about 30 minutes after I sent it. But no reply. Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing? Also, regardless what she thinks, if she never replies back could I ever really message her again without it being awkward? I don't know. Any ideas about anything? What do you guys think?

[QUOTE=Yahnich;40834113]are you serious[/QUOTE] Poor wording, however its the hard balance of trying to treat a girl you care about with regard and being yourself and acting regularly. Hell if I know what I'm doing. [editline]29th May 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=John Egbert;40834291] And that's where it ends...I may be being paranoid, but I'm a bit worried. I sent that, maybe, four hours ago and she saw the message about 30 minutes after I sent it. But no reply. Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing? Also, regardless what she thinks, if she never replies back could I ever really message her again without it being awkward? I don't know. Any ideas about anything? What do you guys think?[/QUOTE] I think you're being hard on yourself, you obviously meant no ill will. Maybe she was busy? Either way, keep talking with her and asking her stuff bout herself etc. Wish you luck

[QUOTE=John Egbert;40834291]And that's where it ends...I may be being paranoid, but I'm a bit worried. I sent that, maybe, four hours ago and she saw the message about 30 minutes after I sent it. But no reply. Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing? Also, regardless what she thinks, if she never replies back could I ever really message her again without it being awkward? I don't know. Any ideas about anything? What do you guys think?[/QUOTE] wow stop overanalyzing it do you really think that asking someone what kind of music they listen to is such a personal question that it would scare a girl away? she's probably busy, considering that she already told you she was doing chem homework while you were recommending music for her to listen to

[QUOTE=John Egbert;40834291]And that's where it ends...I may be being paranoid, but I'm a bit worried. I sent that, maybe, four hours ago and she saw the message about 30 minutes after I sent it. But no reply. Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing? Also, regardless what she thinks, if she never replies back could I ever really message her again without it being awkward? I don't know. Any ideas about anything? What do you guys think?[/QUOTE] You need to send at least 300-400 messages before a girl likes you. (´･ω･`)

[QUOTE=Disseminate;40834769](´･ω･`)[/QUOTE] oh fuck

[QUOTE=John Egbert;40834291]Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing?[/QUOTE] crazee freshmen

I wouldn't over-analyze things. That's your first error. I do that all the time and sometimes (most) you effectively shoot yourself in the foot doing so Second error is recommending "Get Lucky" as one of the best songs in the album :v:

all your problems in life stem from liking daft punk hehHE

I regret nothing

Hm...maybe I was over-thinking it. She was probably just busy. Well now that that's off the wall, how should I go about getting to know her better? Just say hi to her in school when I can and work up from there? Message her on Facebook occasionally too?

[QUOTE=John Egbert;40835368]Hm...maybe I was over-thinking it. She was probably just busy. Well now that that's off the wall, how should I go about getting to know her better? Just say hi to her in school when I can and work up from there? Message her on Facebook occasionally too?[/QUOTE] Talk to her on facebook and talk to her at school, just because she has friends doesnt mean you cant go join their group convo.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40835386]just because she has friends doesnt mean you cant go join their group convo.[/QUOTE] Eh...it's tough. It could be easier if I had already "floated around" socially more often, rather than sticking mostly to a group of guys that I talk to. But really I'm not the only one, guys don't usually stray from their group of friends to walk into a crowd of girls consistently talking about whatever. The girls always seem to be in conversation. I'm new in my school, by the way. So it makes things more difficult. I would jump into one of this girl's group conversations but I feel like it would just be awkward and I wouldn't know what to say. I've just never started a conversation that way before, unless I was already friends with someone. Just the scenarios that I'm used to--her sitting in the gym surrounded by 4-8 friends, clearly somewhat deep in conversation. Or me passing her in the hall, with her friends by her side and either they're talking or she is. Then she'll notice me or one of her friends will point me out to her and she'll say "Hey Jason!". I say "Hey" back, and of course my confidence fluctuates a lot so I'll either be happy, confident and comfortable about it or say "Hi" shyly. Though I always manage to hide any shyness with some other tone, I try to convey some other feeling rather than the feeling that comes with the slight jolt in my heart as she says my name. So I'm sure she thinks I'm a fine guy. Anyway, then we simply disappear from each other's view, and often, each other's thoughts. Not always the case for me. So yeah. I don't know. If you've got any advice I'm fully open to it.

Not providing advice tonight since I'm dealing with my own stuff, but I felt like posting. My god we are far back in the GD section. Today my ex messaged me on facebook, i've mentioned to you guys that he does that sometimes and he is a very nice guy. We just chat a little and he likes to make sure i'm ok since I had some substantial personal problems when we were together. He's been with this other girl since about 2 weeks after he broke up with me, they seem to have broken up. He sent me a short message asking if we could meet up and catch up a bit, since I'm moving in two days I said I would be busy but what was he up to, to start a chat on facebook. He usually messages me with a paragraph, I noticed it was odd and went on his page, and his gfs page. There was no note of them being together. I thought it was odd and wondered if this was about that. He messaged me back a while later disappointing and saying nah wont bother talking about it it would just be a lot of complaining. Hes the sort to be pretty torn up by this so ive offered that i could make the time to meet up with him and talk. He's helped me and everyone else enough I think I owe him some help back if he wants it. Ive told my bf about this, since mentioning older conversations I know he isnt completely comfortable with me talking to my ex. Ive let him know I intend to meet up with him if he decides to. Its certainly not a secret I would feel comfortable keeping, since I know full well it is something he doesn't like. He understands and although he has stated he still doesn't like it, but he knows what i'm doing and why so he is okay enough with it (so long as it doesnt become a regular thing, no problems there) Not really looking for advice just wanted to recap and share my current situation. Just a reminder to everyone always communicate and don't keep secrets :)

[QUOTE=LoneWolf_Recon;40834128]My current/most recent relationship involved us being seperated by a few hundred miles due to going to different colleges. We meet and lived in the same town and got to know each other for a while (~ 1 year) before we left for college. Its hard, but we made it through Skype, Steam, monthly-ish visits, etc. It requires alot of patience on both sides, let me tell you. However, if you and your partner can balance between spending time seperately and plan to keep up calling, etc regularly, then you can make it work. I'd recommend getting to know her for a while before seperating, however if she was seperated to begin with, its going to be hard. Some people can do long distance relationships, some can't.[/QUOTE] I would be able to see her weekly - it's just the fact that I wouldn't be able to go see her with a click of my fingers if I really needed to. There are a lot of days where it would be physically impossible for me to get up there. Another side-product of living in the middle of fucking no-where is the internet connection that I have, it's bad during the night and during weekends, so bad that I wouldn't be able to sustain text-based-chat, forget real time VoIP. What do you mean separating? We've lived in our respective locations our whole lives, no one is moving, well not to my knowledge anyway. We're not in a relationship at the moment, I was asking if I should ask her out, because it's pretty obvious that we like each-other ( she actually told me that she loves me, after I had admitted because the course we were going to together finished ). [QUOTE=killerteacup;40834152]hey man, do it The girl I'm with right now, we spent the first 6 or so months of our relationship living about 2.5 hours away from each other and seeing each other by making trips up - its not hard and it makes every time you see her more worthwhile because of the effort you make[/QUOTE] I know I would be able to do it, I was more concerned about her as I wouldn't really easily "be there for her" if you know what I mean.

[QUOTE=>>oubliette<<;40838280]I would be able to see her weekly - it's just the fact that I wouldn't be able to go see her with a click of my fingers if I really needed to. There are a lot of days where it would be physically impossible for me to get up there. Another side-product of living in the middle of fucking no-where is the internet connection that I have, it's bad during the night and during weekends, so bad that I wouldn't be able to sustain text-based-chat, forget real time VoIP. What do you mean separating? We've lived in our respective locations our whole lives, no one is moving, well not to my knowledge anyway. We're not in a relationship at the moment, I was asking if I should ask her out, because it's pretty obvious that we like each-other ( she actually told me that she loves me, after I had admitted because the course we were going to together finished ). I know I would be able to do it, I was more concerned about her as I wouldn't really easily "be there for her" if you know what I mean.[/QUOTE] See thread title.

John take a bow son. I recommend a little bit of Marvin Gaye to patch the situation up.

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;40742126]So the school is basicly over, but there are still exams to attend to. I am a friend for almost whole class of mine(except the people who I personally refuse to talk), so there is a girl that I was friends with, with a good relationship, and for the last couple months I weirdly felt that I started to like her. So now I'm wondering, should I either try to ask her out(and I am almost sure that I will get a big nope right in my face) and try to remember this for the exams, or wait until the last exam passes and then ask her out? I know it's a very weird question, but just would like to know your opinion. Why am I sure that I will get a big nope? Because in Februrary I asked a girl(from my class as well) if she would like to meet more frequently, when I'll be back from London, and she said "no, sorry)" with that painful smiley at the end of the sentence, because we were good friends for couple of years. After this, I feel like being an awful person to meet and contact with, even though the girl I like now(as well as all the others in my class) are [I]really[/I] friendly to me. I think I've told you a little bit more than I should. Fuck, typing this made me sad.[/QUOTE] So yesterday I asked the girl I like out, and surprisingly she said yes! I felt really happy, and today we met in the centre of the city and just travelled around on a tram(it was her idea). She said that she liked it(so did I), so I feel really happy. I am not quite sure what should I do next. Keep asking her out or invite her to a cafe or in a cinema?..

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;40840131]So yesterday I asked the girl I like out, and surprisingly she said yes! I felt really happy, and today we met in the centre of the city and just travelled around on a tram(it was her idea). She said that she liked it(so did I), so I feel really happy. I am not quite sure what should I do next. Keep asking her out or invite her to a cafe or in a cinema?..[/QUOTE] Ask her out on another date to the cinema or something w/e it is that you guys will find fun.

[QUOTE=LoneWolf_Recon;40834083]What about in a relationship? I don't want to make someone feel like I don't treat them special when I want to.[/QUOTE] You can worry about that when it comes along. However, you have no business worrying about how to act in a relationship when you don't even know how to act during a normal conversation. Focus on what is one step ahead of you. Thinking ahead is one of the worst things you can do. A lot of guys do it, it ruins them. When they see a girl they like, and before even asking her out, imagine their whole lives together. It's stupid, accomplishes nothing, and makes you think about more than you need to be thinking about. Focus on talking to the god damn girl first before you think about how to act when you're together and whatnot.

Adding to Maverick's point, have you ever had a really clingy friend? Soon afterwards you find that shit weird. You'll probably not be friends with them because they are too dependent. Basically if you're thinking about this one girl, you're in the position of being scarce. You think she's the only one and so you will act clingy. When you interact, you might want to come in an abundance mindset. There are plenty of better girls than her in the sea. If she rejects you, don't worry, you'll have the chance later on.

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;40840131]So yesterday I asked the girl I like out, and surprisingly she said yes! I felt really happy, and today we met in the centre of the city and just travelled around on a tram(it was her idea). She said that she liked it(so did I), so I feel really happy. I am not quite sure what should I do next. Keep asking her out or invite her to a cafe or in a cinema?..[/QUOTE] Something UNEXPECTABLE happened... Yesterday I asked a (female) friend of mine and the-girl-I-went-out-today her number[I](the-girl-I-went-out-today's)[/I], but I've asked her out on FB anyways. Today, after I've came back home, that friend calls me and tells me to tell everything about today, stating "normally you don't give a rose when going out"(yes, I've actually gave her a rose). She found out because they are bff's, so it wasn't a big surprise to me. Then she said that "she will help me pick her up"(you know, so she became my girlfriend). I've been laughning for minutes, because she said she will text me later with the ideas. I have no idea what has happened.

[QUOTE=John Egbert;40834291] And that's where it ends...I may be being paranoid, but I'm a bit worried. I sent that, maybe, four hours ago and she saw the message about 30 minutes after I sent it. But no reply. Does it mean she doesn't want to tell me what kind of music she listens to? Could she like me and be reluctant to tell me that she likes a typical boy-band or male figure musician? Maybe she's put off by the fact that I told her about a song that relates to love and somewhat to sex, so she thinks I'm hinting at something and thinks I'm some kind of pervert that only wants one thing? Also, regardless what she thinks, if she never replies back could I ever really message her again without it being awkward? I don't know. Any ideas about anything? What do you guys think?[/QUOTE] relevant [img]http://i.imgur.com/c4lFWOK.jpg[/img]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40840448]You can worry about that when it comes along. However, you have no business worrying about how to act in a relationship when you don't even know how to act during a normal conversation. Focus on what is one step ahead of you. Thinking ahead is one of the worst things you can do. A lot of guys do it, it ruins them. When they see a girl they like, and before even asking her out, imagine their whole lives together. It's stupid, accomplishes nothing, and makes you think about more than you need to be thinking about. Focus on talking to the god damn girl first before you think about how to act when you're together and whatnot.[/QUOTE] I find it's quite hard to snap out of personally, my mind is just naturally curious about where it could go.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40836882]Not providing advice tonight since I'm dealing with my own stuff, but I felt like posting. My god we are far back in the GD section. Today my ex messaged me on facebook, i've mentioned to you guys that he does that sometimes and he is a very nice guy. We just chat a little and he likes to make sure i'm ok since I had some substantial personal problems when we were together. He's been with this other girl since about 2 weeks after he broke up with me, they seem to have broken up. He sent me a short message asking if we could meet up and catch up a bit, since I'm moving in two days I said I would be busy but what was he up to, to start a chat on facebook. He usually messages me with a paragraph, I noticed it was odd and went on his page, and his gfs page. There was no note of them being together. I thought it was odd and wondered if this was about that. He messaged me back a while later disappointing and saying nah wont bother talking about it it would just be a lot of complaining. Hes the sort to be pretty torn up by this so ive offered that i could make the time to meet up with him and talk. He's helped me and everyone else enough I think I owe him some help back if he wants it. Ive told my bf about this, since mentioning older conversations I know he isnt completely comfortable with me talking to my ex. Ive let him know I intend to meet up with him if he decides to. Its certainly not a secret I would feel comfortable keeping, since I know full well it is something he doesn't like. He understands and although he has stated he still doesn't like it, but he knows what i'm doing and why so he is okay enough with it (so long as it doesnt become a regular thing, no problems there) Not really looking for advice just wanted to recap and share my current situation. Just a reminder to everyone always communicate and don't keep secrets :)[/QUOTE] Well this was going ok, had arranged for today things came up on my end so we had to re-arrange for tomorrow. Then he sends me this after a break in the convo "Hey we miiiight not be able to do tomorrow. A feelin just popped up and its one of two things. One is normal and harmless, the other, not doing it to either of us, especially where you've got things figured out. I'll let you know asap." "Uh ok" "Just let me know :)" "It would be nice to get together though" "Did that just send now?lol, well i'm pretty sure I boiled it down to I miss your face and your sense of humor so I think we're good" And we arranged for tomorrow. Mother of fuck that went downhill fast. I said it would be nice to meet up since I would at least be able to talk that over with him if it is a thing. But fuck, seriously dude? Oh well, either way I'm moving to a new city on saturday so he can't dwell on it.

at least he's...honest?

[QUOTE=Zinayzen;40842639]at least he's...honest?[/QUOTE] He's extremely honest, and extremely nice. But he has a lot of his own problems emotionally. Gets really over anxious and caught up in his mistakes etc. The reason he and his current gf just broke up (mutual agreement) was that it was causing him mountains of stress, because he would feel guilty whenever they did anything romantic for an unknown reason. I can't help but feel involved in this, and it's very him to still be worrying about someone two years after he might have hurt them, even if they can tell him they have moved on. At least if we meet up maybe I can convince him that I am a-ok and better from the experience and he can get over it now and move on, I accepted long ago before I was even really over it that a long term relationship with us wouldnt really have worked out anyway. Its really weird actually, 2-3 years back when we dated he was the more mature one and I had more problems, now he seems to have progressed no where and I'm way better off.

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