Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Zinayzen]

That's how my relationship was, too. I was clingy (and quite frankly really not ready for a relationship) and she put up with it (for some reason). she was the mature one and i was the one with all the problems.

2.5 years later, i'm totally fine and she's miserable because she's refusing to make her own decisions and instead she's just trying to do what would make her parents happen even though she's 21 and can just tell them to go fuck themselves if she really wanted to

oh well.

[dmillerw]

Currently interested in a friend, who I've been getting to know better and better over the past couple weeks. Thing is, she currently is in a relationship, but they're breaking up in a few weeks* so I'm just unsure of the best way to handle this. Do I go for it at all? Inform/ask her now, or after they've broken up, etc.

* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late (at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)

[Zinayzen]

don't ask her out now, that's a dick move for everyone. just wait.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40848092]* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late (at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)[/QUOTE]

just because you think he was a crappy boyfriend doesn't mean she's already over him. don't be a selfish ass, give her some time to move on before trying anything. don't make yourself rebound, but more importantly show her some respect.

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=Zinayzen;40849146]don't ask her out now, that's a dick move for everyone. just wait.[/QUOTE]

How is it a dick move for everyone?

This mentality is the source of a lot of missed opportunities. Here you have a girl who might technically be in a relationship, but is obviously looking for an exit plan. Therefore she's pretty much emotionally available. Why the shit would you wait for some arbitrary reason like, "don't wanna be a dick to some dude I will never know hurr durr," and risk someone else taking advantage of the situation?

Hesitation is how people beat you to the punch. Asking someone out who is "taken" is not a dick move. If they are happy with their relationship, they will simply turn you down. If they say yes, obviously it was going to fall apart soon anyways. You're doing the dude a favor by cutting him loose before he wastes any more time on her.

Being on the receiving end of that sucks, but it's life. I actually got cheated on for the first time ever during my time being banned. Just two months ago or so actually. Do I resent the dude? Nope. Do I resent the chick? Nope. I'm not about to shake the dipshit's hand any time soon, but he did me a favor, he kept me from wasting any more time on a girl who's faithfulness was so easily broken. Is it really a "dick move" to cut a man loose from a parasite just because he doesn't know she is one yet?

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Headhumpy;40826399]Okay guys I have a serious problem. Whenever I'm with female friends, I just can't help but look at their boobs, even when I'm talking to them. They don't show it, but I'm pretty fucking sure they notice it.

How do I stop myself from glancing at their boobs every 2 seconds???[/QUOTE]
tell them you stare at their breasts

i've told my girl friends and they are cool with it, and they'll probably just make fun of you for it, call you a pervert and continue to act the same

if you're close anyhow, i mean don't just go up to a "friend" i mean if you already don't tell them everything then you probably shouldn't tell them

you probably aren't those though they're not your girl friends but your [i]female[/i] friends

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40848092]Currently interested in a friend, who I've been getting to know better and better over the past couple weeks. Thing is, she currently is in a relationship, but they're breaking up in a few weeks* so I'm just unsure of the best way to handle this. Do I go for it at all? Inform/ask her now, or after they've broken up, etc.

* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late [b](at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)[/b][/QUOTE]

Most people in this thread will tell you that that's a terrible assumption and that you're almost completely wrong. No matter how much she has confided in you and no matter what you see, you don't know what it's actually like for them.

Though, if they ARE in fact breaking up and not going for a long distance relationship or anything, I wouldn't say "go for it". Be there for her. You can make a move eventually but don't just think "Oh shit shes done with the other guy now's my chance because she obviously isn't going to be broken up at all about her boyfriend leaving her both emotionally and physically"

I honestly can't tell you when you SHOULD make a move, but I'm telling you you shouldn't just move in right off the bat.

I actually meant to post this hours ago but I guess I got distracted??? but there you go.

[dmillerw]

I'm definitely not going to make a move right away. Been discussing this for the past few hours with some friends, and it's pretty much a given that she definitely needs some time without the thought of a relationship.

For the time being, I'll remain a simple friend, and hopefully help her out of whatever hole he leaves behind. As much as I would like to be in a relationship with her, I honestly feel that being a friend would do more good for her at the moment anyway. Just was looking for some input.

[Zinayzen]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40849455]How is it a dick move for everyone?

This mentality is the source of a lot of missed opportunities. Here you have a girl who might technically be in a relationship, but is obviously looking for an exit plan. Therefore she's pretty much emotionally available. Why the shit would you wait for some arbitrary reason like, "don't wanna be a dick to some dude I will never know hurr durr," and risk someone else taking advantage of the situation?

Hesitation is how people beat you to the punch. Asking someone out who is "taken" is not a dick move. If they are happy with their relationship, they will simply turn you down. If they say yes, obviously it was going to fall apart soon anyways. You're doing the dude a favor by cutting him loose before he wastes any more time on her.

Being on the receiving end of that sucks, but it's life. I actually got cheated on for the first time ever during my time being banned. Just two months ago or so actually. Do I resent the dude? Nope. Do I resent the chick? Nope. I'm not about to shake the dipshit's hand any time soon, but he did me a favor, he kept me from wasting any more time on a girl who's faithfulness was so easily broken. Is it really a "dick move" to cut a man loose from a parasite just because he doesn't know she is one yet?[/QUOTE]

It's weird how I used to think you gave good advice. Now I'm reasonably sure your idol is Tucker Max.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40849559]I'm definitely not going to make a move right away. Been discussing this for the past few hours with some friends, and it's pretty much a given that she definitely needs some time without the thought of a relationship.

For the time being, I'll remain a simple friend, and hopefully help her out of whatever hole he leaves behind. As much as I would like to be in a relationship with her, I honestly feel that being a friend would do more good for her at the moment anyway. Just was looking for some input.[/QUOTE]
you shouldn't have to try to become her boyfriend anyways, regardless of how she is at her current state of emotions

you're supposed to be a good friend until she likes you back

[dmillerw]

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;40849610]you shouldn't have to try to become her boyfriend anyways, regardless of how she is at her current state of emotions

you're supposed to be a good friend until she likes you back[/QUOTE]

That's what I've always felt anyway. At the very least, have a good relationship with them before hand. I've never asked a girl on a date that I haven't known well for a month or two.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40849455]Being on the receiving end of that sucks, but it's life. I actually got cheated on for the first time ever during my time being banned. Just two months ago or so actually. Do I resent the dude? Nope. Do I resent the chick? Nope. I'm not about to shake the dipshit's hand any time soon, but he did me a favor, he kept me from wasting any more time on a girl who's faithfulness was so easily broken. Is it really a "dick move" to cut a man loose from a parasite just because he doesn't know she is one yet?[/QUOTE]

if i asked someone out who was already in a relationship and they said yes and ditched their current partner that would make me question how they would treat me in the future if a similar situation came up.

[editline]31st May 2013[/editline]

like i can see your point about it not being a "dick move" but why would anyone ask out someone they like as a test of loyalty? if you were expecting them to make a bad decision would you really want to ask them out to begin with?

[MaverickIB]

Of course you don't go into it to test their loyalty. You don't ask someone out to do a dude a favor or whatever, you ask someone out because you're interested in them. Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

The risk is always there. If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. You waiting to ask her out when she's single isn't going to affect the likelihood of her cheating on you. And regardless, it isn't cheating if they agree to break things off at the same time. Like if you ask them out and they say, "Let me break up with X first," that isn't cheating.

It's absolutely insane that for whatever reason, wanting to find the best possible partner is looked down upon. So just because you commit to someone, if you meet someone better you'd like to go out with, you have to let the commitment run its course before trying the new person? If a girl drops her current boyfriend to pursue someone she'd rather be with, that's a negative personality trait? Not settling for anything but the best is frowned upon?

I just don't see how it's a dick move if you see a chick with a dude and you know you can do better so you ask her out. It's a dick move if you're doing it just to fuck her and ruin the relationship or something, yeah, but it isn't if you genuinely want to be with the chick.

[Guy Mannly]

it's not always as simple as "finding the best possible partner" though. relationships will often die off after a few months - feelings of infatuation will lessen etc and that's often the point where people will start looking for a way out. leaving your current relationship for a brand new one with someone different isn't always a good idea, that's the sort of thing that usually leads to those couples that have been together on and off for years and break up every two or three months before getting back together.
it's hard to look at that sort of situation rationally, if someone brand new asks you out you can't have any idea of how they'll compare as a boyfriend/girlfriend to whoever you're currently with.

[editline]31st May 2013[/editline]

and your girlfriend suddenly having a desire to go back to a guy she impulsively broke up with is a mess you should probably try to avoid.

[Rhenae]

Its really very situational, I mean it depends what type of problems there are. If they dont get along then fine, but if they hit a small bump and they bail I probably wouldn't want to date them because the same thing would happen. I'm very for working out your problems but if a relationship just isnt gonna work it isn't gonna work.

I support waiting a while before asking them out though, even if someone is the one to break off a relationship, it can still effect them negatively. Leaving it at least a little while I think improves your chances.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40848092]Currently interested in a friend, who I've been getting to know better and better over the past couple weeks. Thing is, she currently is in a relationship, but they're breaking up in a few weeks* so I'm just unsure of the best way to handle this. Do I go for it at all? Inform/ask her now, or after they've broken up, etc.

* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late (at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)[/QUOTE]

wait till shes broken up and ready for a new relationship
you dont want to look like a predatory ass

[Hana-San]

Went out for a coffee with a guy I liked today.
And he said that it was nice and that we should do it again.
That's good right?

[thisispain]

yes

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Hana-San;40850159]Went out for a coffee with a guy I liked today.
And he said that it was nice and that we should do it again.
That's good right?[/QUOTE]

Yes, now get to asking him out dude.

[Lord of Ears]

[QUOTE=Hana-San;40850159]Went out for a coffee with a guy I liked today.
And he said that it was nice and that we should do it again.
That's good right?[/QUOTE]

you blew it

[RocketRacer]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;40842300]Something UNEXPECTABLE happened...

Yesterday I asked a (female) friend of mine and the-girl-I-went-out-today her number[I](the-girl-I-went-out-today's)[/I], but I've asked her out on FB anyways. Today, after I've came back home, that friend calls me and tells me to tell everything about today, stating "normally you don't give a rose when going out"(yes, I've actually gave her a rose). She found out because they are bff's, so it wasn't a big surprise to me. Then she said that "she will help me pick her up"(you know, so she became my girlfriend). I've been laughning for minutes, because she said she will text me later with the ideas.

I have no idea what has happened.[/QUOTE]

So that female friend told me that I should "interest her" by chatting with her(the-girl-I-went-out-with) on Facebook. Is it actually a good advice? :v:

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;40850771]So that female friend told me that I should "interest her" by chatting with her(the-girl-I-went-out-with) on Facebook. Is it actually a good advice? :v:[/QUOTE]

Thread title.

[GreenDolphin]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40848092]Currently interested in a friend, who I've been getting to know better and better over the past couple weeks. Thing is, she currently is in a relationship, [B]but they're breaking up in a few weeks[/B]* so I'm just unsure of the best way to handle this. Do I go for it at all? Inform/ask her now, or after they've broken up, etc.

* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late (at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)[/QUOTE]

I'm not understanding something. If they're planning to break up anyway why do you think there is even a predetermined amount of time for doing so? Are you assuming this or was it already made clear?

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40849455]How is it a dick move for everyone?

This mentality is the source of a lot of missed opportunities. Here you have a girl who might technically be in a relationship, but is obviously looking for an exit plan. Therefore she's pretty much emotionally available. Why the shit would you wait for some arbitrary reason like, "don't wanna be a dick to some dude I will never know hurr durr," and risk someone else taking advantage of the situation?

Hesitation is how people beat you to the punch. Asking someone out who is "taken" is not a dick move. If they are happy with their relationship, they will simply turn you down. If they say yes, obviously it was going to fall apart soon anyways. You're doing the dude a favor by cutting him loose before he wastes any more time on her.

Being on the receiving end of that sucks, but it's life. I actually got cheated on for the first time ever during my time being banned. Just two months ago or so actually. Do I resent the dude? Nope. Do I resent the chick? Nope. I'm not about to shake the dipshit's hand any time soon, but he did me a favor, he kept me from wasting any more time on a girl who's faithfulness was so easily broken. Is it really a "dick move" to cut a man loose from a parasite just because he doesn't know she is one yet?[/QUOTE]

In a normal world this is wrong

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40848092]Currently interested in a friend, who I've been getting to know better and better over the past couple weeks. Thing is, she currently is in a relationship, but they're breaking up in a few weeks* so I'm just unsure of the best way to handle this. Do I go for it at all? Inform/ask her now, or after they've broken up, etc.

* Breaking up for many reasons, but mainly because her bf is going to be moving away in a few months, and the relationship was just bad in many ways as of late (at least from my point of view/how much she's confided in me about what he's done)[/QUOTE]

If you want to keep bad blood out of the relationship, wait for her current one to end before making a move

[Loopoo]

Starting a relationship with a girl right as she's gotten out of one is a terrible idea. You'll have to deal with her moping and depression, and it's just a bad foot to start a relationship off on. Give her the time to get over her ex before even thinking about asking her out. Plus, no boyfriend wants to hear constant stories about "that asshole ex", it'd wreck your head.

[Flapadar]

unless you want to be the rebound guy

[Hana-San]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40850183]Yes, now get to asking him out dude.[/QUOTE]

I'm worried that he may think that it's to soon to try. I only broke up with my ex about a month ago and since then he back off a bit.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Hana-San;40851093]I'm worried that he may think that it's to soon to try. I only broke up with my ex about a month ago and since then he back off a bit.[/QUOTE]

maybe i'm misinterpreting you guys going out for coffee but usually saying "we should do this again sometime" is a pretty clear indicator that he's interested in you in some way

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Hana-San;40851093]I'm worried that he may think that it's to soon to try. I only broke up with my ex about a month ago and since then he back off a bit.[/QUOTE]

He's backing off to give you time to decide and be ready, not him. Your the one who decides when it's too soon.

[dmillerw]

[QUOTE=GreenDolphin;40850935]I'm not understanding something. If they're planning to break up anyway why do you think there is even a predetermined amount of time for doing so? Are you assuming this or was it already made clear?[/QUOTE]

She told me they've decided to break up at the end of the school year, basically. Why they're choosing to wait, I have no clue, but that's what I know.