• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40849731]Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.[/QUOTE] Is this really a thing people say? It sounds far too cliched and sleazy to be true.
[QUOTE=Megafan;40852839]Is this really a thing people say? It sounds far too cliched and sleazy to be true.[/QUOTE] I heard it in a club once, some couple dancing a group of lads at the bar were talking shit and pointed at them. I cracked up was pretty funny.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;40851627]He's backing off to give you time to decide and be ready, not him. Your the one who decides when it's too soon.[/QUOTE] This. You're the one who decides when it's time. You're not going to ask him out and have him go, "Um nah it hasn't been long enough since you broke up, I'm not ready." That makes absolutely no sense at all. Just do it. Stop thinking of reasons not to, he's not ready, you don't want it to get awkward if he says no, blah blah blah. Just do it.
[QUOTE=Megafan;40852839]Is this really a thing people say? It sounds far too cliched and sleazy to be true.[/QUOTE] He also called her a parasite in the relationship, inexplicably. I'm telling you, he takes relationship cues from Tucker Max.
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;40854428]He also called her a parasite in the relationship, inexplicably. I'm telling you, he takes relationship cues from Tucker Max.[/QUOTE] Except Tucker Max is about debauchery and smanging sluts, not relationships. Inexplicably? If a chick is with a dude and is looking for a way out of the relationship, she is wasting the dude's time. He's pouring his time and effort into a girl who is just biding her time looking for someone else she wants to date, making it so she can hop from one relationship into another without having to spend time being single. He is gaining absolutely nothing, it's just time and effort directly down the drain. She's gaining everything, getting pampered while she searches for a different partner. How is that not parasitic? Please, explain to me how I'm wrong.
You're making an awful lot of assumptions there, buddy.
Assumptions based on quite a bit of both personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Not all situations are unique. Sure, they may vary here and there, but this notion that, "You don't know what's going on every situation is different blah blah blah," is just wrong. People may have their own unique personalities, but people behave in similar ways. Things like sociology and whatnot wouldn't exist if people were not predictable. If a chick is with a dude she doesn't want to be with (which is the case with the guy who posted, as she has confided in him and he knows they are going to break up), there's only a few reasons why she'd do so. Sometimes they do it because they're scared of how he will react or something, which isn't the case here since the breakup is going to happen. Most of the time, it's because the girl doesn't want to be single, she doesn't want to give up the life of being pampered and having someone to fall back on. So they stay with the dude they don't want to be with until they find a way out through someone else. Once they feel they have someone else locked in, most will break up, wait a week or two, then get with the other person they set up. But that entire time they're talking to other people trying to find a more suitable partner, they are being parasitic. The guy they are with is just outright being used. Like I said, explain to me how I'm wrong, buddy.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40855499]Assumptions based on quite a bit of both personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Not all situations are unique. Sure, they may vary here and there, but this notion that, "You don't know what's going on every situation is different blah blah blah," is just wrong. People may have their own unique personalities, but people behave in similar ways. Things like sociology and whatnot wouldn't exist if people were not predictable. If a chick is with a dude she doesn't want to be with (which is the case with the guy who posted, as she has confided in him and he knows they are going to break up), there's only a few reasons why she'd do so. Sometimes they do it because they're scared of how he will react or something, which isn't the case here since the breakup is going to happen. Most of the time, it's because the girl doesn't want to be single, she doesn't want to give up the life of being pampered and having someone to fall back on. So they stay with the dude they don't want to be with until they find a way out through someone else. Once they feel they have someone else locked in, most will break up, wait a week or two, then get with the other person they set up. But that entire time they're talking to other people trying to find a more suitable partner, they are being parasitic. The guy they are with is just outright being used. Like I said, explain to me how I'm wrong, buddy.[/QUOTE] In the situation you're explaining, you're right, but you're also saying every situation is like this, which it isn't true. For one one someone says "She's told me a lot and I think the relationship is going badly" they are more likely than not wrong, it's an assumption made by someone who probably isn't getting the full picture. For two, like I said, in that situation yes I guess for lack of a better term the girl would be a parasite, but like I also said, not every situation is like this. People are predictable but not exactly the same. We're similar, but not exact copies of eachother. You can PREDICT that the relationship is empty and the girl just wants a way out, but how do you know? Maybe she's only questioning herself, and given a bit of time will go back, or maybe she straight up never cared and just wants to fuck with people. Regardless it really isn't foolproof do move in on a girl when she's in a relationship, nor does it really make it right. Things could be going just fine, but if you make a move like that on the girl, possibly confuse her or catch her when she's vulnerable, you could ruin their entire relationship. Or, she could see that you're hotter, cheat with you, then cheat ON you. Everything you're saying is right but it's so specific and you're saying it applies to everything which it doesn't. And it certainly doesn't apply to dmillerw. I get it, you got cheated on and think you're better off, but not every single chick out there is like that girl.
Guys, how do I control my anger towards others? I've had a shit day so far, and aforementioned boyfriend is continuing to be a complete dick towards her and it's really pissing me off. I really don't want to explode at someone...
[QUOTE=dmillerw;40855696]Guys, how do I control my anger towards others? I've had a shit day so far, and aforementioned boyfriend is continuing to be a complete dick towards her and it's really pissing me off. I really don't want to explode at someone...[/QUOTE] Just chill. Distract yourself. You don't want to and aren't going to act on it, so what's the point of being mad? Just remind yourself that as of now it's not your business, and get on with your day.
[QUOTE=riku2211;40855612]In the situation you're explaining, you're right, but you're also saying every situation is like this, which it isn't true. For one one someone says "She's told me a lot and I think the relationship is going badly" they are more likely than not wrong, it's an assumption made by someone who probably isn't getting the full picture. For two, like I said, in that situation yes I guess for lack of a better term the girl would be a parasite, but like I also said, not every situation is like this. People are predictable but not exactly the same. We're similar, but not exact copies of eachother. You can PREDICT that the relationship is empty and the girl just wants a way out, but how do you know? Maybe she's only questioning herself, and given a bit of time will go back, or maybe she straight up never cared and just wants to fuck with people. Regardless it really isn't foolproof do move in on a girl when she's in a relationship, nor does it really make it right. Things could be going just fine, but if you make a move like that on the girl, possibly confuse her or catch her when she's vulnerable, you could ruin their entire relationship. Or, she could see that you're hotter, cheat with you, then cheat ON you. Everything you're saying is right but it's so specific and you're saying it applies to everything which it doesn't. And it certainly doesn't apply to dmillerw. I get it, you got cheated on and think you're better off, but not every single chick out there is like that girl.[/QUOTE] I am not saying every single situation is like this. I am saying his situation is like this, based on the information he has provided. I am being very specific for a reason, his situation matches up perfectly with what I am talking about. I never said it applies to everything, just that it applies here in this specific situation. This doesn't even have anything to do with cheating. I'm not saying, "Hell yeah bro go fuck her while she's with that dude," or anything like that. I'm saying the girl is obviously looking for a way out of her relationship. Sure, she could wait the few months or whatever for her boyfriend to move out of town, but there's a pretty good chance if a different exit plan is presented earlier than that, she will take it. By waiting, he gains nothing. She is looking for a way out, so she is already emotionally detached from her boyfriend. She might still do things with him, but she's just going through the motions. It isn't like a switch is going to flick the second they break up and viola, she's emotionally available again. She is available right now. There is nothing to gain from waiting other than feeling good about yourself for following some arbitrary moral code. By waiting, he risks someone else becoming her option out. Some other dude could easily step into the picture and sweep her away. He also risks her seeing him more as an emotional crutch than a potential romantic interest. By waiting, he has everything to lose and nothing to gain. If he asks her out now, even if she says, "No I have a boyfriend," it puts him on the map as a romantic interest, she'll know he's a potential exit plan. Keep in mind I'm using words like parasitic without any form of negative connotation. It's simply the correct word to use. I'm not calling her a dirty parasite bitch whore or anything like that, what she is doing isn't "wrong," it's what people do naturally. Why would anyone pass up an opportunity to have their cake and eat it too? I was just pointing out that stepping in and ending the relationship instead of waiting for it to end due to natural causes saves the dude from a lot of wasted time and effort. It shouldn't be the driving motivation for doing so, just stating it's far from being a "dick move." And once again, I'm talking about this situation. It's a specific situation but it happens all the time. I am not saying this is applicable to every relationship with problems.
Here we go, once a mother fuckinagain.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]I am not saying every single situation is like this. I am saying his situation is like this, based on the information he has provided. I am being very specific for a reason, his situation matches up perfectly with what I am talking about. I never said it applies to everything, just that it applies here in this specific situation.[/quote] Oh, okay. The way you worded it sounded like you were applying it to everything. [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]This doesn't even have anything to do with cheating. I'm not saying, "Hell yeah bro go fuck her while she's with that dude," or anything like that. I'm saying [b]the girl is obviously looking for a way out of her relationship.[/b] Sure, she could wait the few months or whatever for her boyfriend to move out of town, but there's a pretty good chance if a different exit plan is presented earlier than that, she will take it.[/quote] You just don't know that. Not from the information he has given and HE doesn't know that from the information he's gotten. I have a friend, and our ENTIRE group of friends hates her boyfriend, and thinks he's bad for her. They've been together for 3 years. You could say that's her 'in denial', but I think it's clear that there's plenty of it we don't see. We have no clue what their relationship is like, just like you have no idea what this girl's relationship is like. If anything, she probably DOES tell him a lot of bad things. But that's just it, she tells him the bad things, not the good. That's what people do, we pick out the bad things and sometimes forget abut the good. [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]By waiting, he gains nothing. She is looking for a way out, so she is already emotionally detached from her boyfriend. She might still do things with him, but she's just going through the motions. [b]It isn't like a switch is going to flick the second they break up and viola, she's emotionally available again.[/b] She is available right now. There is nothing to gain from waiting other than feeling good about yourself for following some arbitrary moral code.[/quote] I was actually saying that exactly, he should wait until she IS emotionally available. [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]By waiting, he risks someone else becoming her option out. Some other dude could easily step into the picture and sweep her away. He also risks her seeing him more as an emotional crutch than a potential romantic interest. By waiting, he has everything to lose and nothing to gain. If he asks her out now, even if she says, "No I have a boyfriend," it puts him on the map as a romantic interest, she'll know he's a potential exit plan.[/quote] This is just a worst case scenario though, it could go any number of ways. He's also running a risk by asking her now. He may seem like a douche and drive her away just like that, or it could put him on the map as someone she does not want to go out with at all. She says no now, what are the odds of her saying yes later? I see your point but both sides have pros and cons and frankly I think waiting is easier on the girl and less risky. If someone else comes into the picture, then he shows up, then it's her choice. She can choose the other guy, or him. That's out of his control. [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]Keep in mind I'm using words like parasitic without any form of negative connotation. It's simply the correct word to use. I'm not calling her a dirty parasite bitch whore or anything like that, what she is doing isn't "wrong," it's what people do naturally. Why would anyone pass up an opportunity to have their cake and eat it too? I was just pointing out that stepping in and ending the relationship instead of waiting for it to end due to natural causes saves the dude from a lot of wasted time and effort. It shouldn't be the driving motivation for doing so, just stating it's far from being a "dick move."[/quote] You're thinking of this logically and I actually completely agree with you, but from an emotional standpoint it IS a dick move. It's like cutting in line for that cake, and shoving the guy first in line out of the way even though he was about to walk away anyway. And also the cake is a sentient being and wasn't ready for you to just cut in line like that. Or something. Why is this still a topic of conversation? I think the guy got his answer already.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]I am not saying every single situation is like this. I am saying his situation is like this, based on the information he has provided. I am being very specific for a reason, his situation matches up perfectly with what I am talking about. I never said it applies to everything, just that it applies here in this specific situation. This doesn't even have anything to do with cheating. I'm not saying, "Hell yeah bro go fuck her while she's with that dude," or anything like that. I'm saying the girl is obviously looking for a way out of her relationship. Sure, she could wait the few months or whatever for her boyfriend to move out of town, but there's a pretty good chance if a different exit plan is presented earlier than that, she will take it. By waiting, he gains nothing. She is looking for a way out, so she is already emotionally detached from her boyfriend. She might still do things with him, but she's just going through the motions. It isn't like a switch is going to flick the second they break up and viola, she's emotionally available again. She is available right now. There is nothing to gain from waiting other than feeling good about yourself for following some arbitrary moral code. By waiting, he risks someone else becoming her option out. Some other dude could easily step into the picture and sweep her away. He also risks her seeing him more as an emotional crutch than a potential romantic interest. By waiting, he has everything to lose and nothing to gain. If he asks her out now, even if she says, "No I have a boyfriend," it puts him on the map as a romantic interest, she'll know he's a potential exit plan. Keep in mind I'm using words like parasitic without any form of negative connotation. It's simply the correct word to use. I'm not calling her a dirty parasite bitch whore or anything like that, what she is doing isn't "wrong," it's what people do naturally. Why would anyone pass up an opportunity to have their cake and eat it too? I was just pointing out that stepping in and ending the relationship instead of waiting for it to end due to natural causes saves the dude from a lot of wasted time and effort. It shouldn't be the driving motivation for doing so, just stating it's far from being a "dick move." And once again, I'm talking about this situation. It's a specific situation but it happens all the time. I am not saying this is applicable to every relationship with problems.[/QUOTE] Wow.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40856089]By waiting, he gains nothing. She is looking for a way out, so she is already emotionally detached from her boyfriend.[/QUOTE] Assuming you're still talking about what I think you're talking about, she's most definitely not emotionally detached. For whatever reason, she doesn't exactly want to break up with her. I've asked her many times why she's even stayed this long, and her reasoning is just that she's invested so much in the relationship already, and part of her still loves and cares for him, so it's difficult to let go.
Based on experience, when people say that, it's more a case of them being attached to the idea of someone, not the person themselves. That's what happens in plenty of relationships, the infatuation phase ends and then both people are left wishing their partner was still the perfect individual they perceived them to be when they were infatuated. I don't really consider that being emotionally attached, more like wishing she was still emotionally attached. I'm getting too old to bicker back and forth. There's multiple approaches to every situation. All I can do is speak from my wealth of experience. And, from being in your exact situation before down to the T, I can say the "Do nothing and wait it out," approach is going to leave you being seen as an emotional crutch. You're going to be her favorite hoody. She won't go anywhere without you and will always keep you close because you've never let her down. But nobody has sex with their favorite hoody. You need to establish yourself as a romantic interest before it's too late, this is a universal rule regardless of whether a chick has a boyfriend or not.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40857960]Based on experience, when people say that, it's more a case of them being attached to the idea of someone, not the person themselves. That's what happens in plenty of relationships, the infatuation phase ends and then both people are left wishing their partner was still the perfect individual they perceived them to be when they were infatuated. I don't really consider that being emotionally attached, more like wishing she was still emotionally attached.[/QUOTE] From what I've seen, I'd definitely have to agree with you. I've certainly done the same thing. How to handle that though, in the simple interest of helping her move on. Is there much I can do, or is it something she's just going to have to realize for herself?
btw anecdotal evidence is not enough to prove a concrete rule or a universal rule. I do agree though but I think your threshold for 'too late' might be a little shorter than necessary [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40857960]Based on experience, when people say that, it's more a case of them being attached to the idea of someone, not the person themselves. That's what happens in plenty of relationships, the infatuation phase ends and then both people are left wishing their partner was still the perfect individual they perceived them to be when they were infatuated. I don't really consider that being emotionally attached, more like wishing she was still emotionally attached. I'm getting too old to bicker back and forth. There's multiple approaches to every situation. All I can do is speak from my wealth of experience. And, from being in your exact situation before down to the T, I can say the "Do nothing and wait it out," approach is going to leave you being seen as an emotional crutch. You're going to be her favorite hoody. She won't go anywhere without you and will always keep you close because you've never let her down. But nobody has sex with their favorite hoody. You need to establish yourself as a romantic interest before it's too late, this is a universal rule regardless of whether a chick has a boyfriend or not.[/QUOTE] Well, you're mixing up two different ideas. There's noone saying the dude should stick around always beside her until she's ready to date. If they are (haven't read the whole thing), then yeah, they're wrong. I agree that's a pretty bad thing to do and the whole favourite hoody thing is definitely something I've been through and it's pretty demeaning. But, the 'wait it out' idea doesn't necessarily have to be approached in the way that you approached it. "Don't ask the girl out while she's in a relationship" isn't really the same thing in my head as saying 'wait for her forevermore until she's emotionally ready to do it'. In one you already know your chances and are just trying not to create any bad blood by leaving it a couple weeks to see where the relationship with this guy is heading. In another you're sitting in the sidelines for a much longer time, waiting for something that will never happen. It's more about the way you're reading the signs that leave you in that situation. Most people get in shitty relationship situations by lying to themselves just as much as there SO lies to them. If it were me I wouldn't ask her out while she's with the boy - but I'd just wait until they broke up and if they hadn't done it after a few weeks I'd move on instead of trying to wait for something that's taking too long. Sorry i just woke up so I'm trying to kind of enunciate this on no food and i'm a terrible morning person, however the point is there, I don't think these situations are the same
[QUOTE=dmillerw;40858382]From what I've seen, I'd definitely have to agree with you. I've certainly done the same thing. How to handle that though, in the simple interest of helping her move on. Is there much I can do, or is it something she's just going to have to realize for herself?[/QUOTE] Not sure if anyone remembers my tips on how to steal a girl from her boyfriend, but the concept is similar. Best thing you can do is not talk about it. Be the best guy in the world to her, obviously retaining respect for yourself (don't become a puppy who follows her around and all that jazz), but generally being an awesome dude. If she brings up her relationship, avoid the subject, deflect into a different topic. Essentially, get her mind off of it. "Out of sight, out of mind." But in this case, out of sight means avoid talking about that shit like the plague. The more you talk about it, the more she will think about it, the longer it will take to move on. You're pretty much trying to get her to think, "Whoah, when I'm with _____ I forget about all that depressing shit and actually feel happy." However, she has to come to that conclusion for herself. Like inception, you cannot directly plant the idea into her head by saying, "You're happier around me, right?" You have to clue it into her and let her draw the conclusion by herself.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40855499]Assumptions based on quite a bit of both personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Not all situations are unique. Sure, they may vary here and there, but this notion that, "You don't know what's going on every situation is different blah blah blah," is just wrong. People may have their own unique personalities, but people behave in similar ways. Things like sociology and whatnot wouldn't exist if people were not predictable. If a chick is with a dude she doesn't want to be with (which is the case with the guy who posted, as she has confided in him and he knows they are going to break up), there's only a few reasons why she'd do so. Sometimes they do it because they're scared of how he will react or something, which isn't the case here since the breakup is going to happen. Most of the time, it's because the girl doesn't want to be single, she doesn't want to give up the life of being pampered and having someone to fall back on. So they stay with the dude they don't want to be with until they find a way out through someone else. Once they feel they have someone else locked in, most will break up, wait a week or two, then get with the other person they set up. But that entire time they're talking to other people trying to find a more suitable partner, they are being parasitic. The guy they are with is just outright being used. Like I said, explain to me how I'm wrong, buddy.[/QUOTE] this is counterproductive rhetoric
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40859245]my tips on how to steal a girl from her boyfriend[/quote] Certainly sounds pretty sleazy when you phrase it like that. [QUOTE=MaverickIB;40859245]You're pretty much trying to get her to think, "Whoah, when I'm with _____ I forget about all that depressing shit and actually feel happy." However, she has to come to that conclusion for herself. Like inception, you cannot directly plant the idea into her head by saying, "You're happier around me, right?" You have to clue it into her and let her draw the conclusion by herself.[/QUOTE] Yeah, that's definitely sleaze.
[QUOTE=Megafan;40859570]Certainly sounds pretty sleazy when you phrase it like that. Yeah, that's definitely sleaze.[/QUOTE] Huh? How is it sleazy? Like I said, it may be advice from stealing a girl from her boyfriend, but in this case it can be applied to helping a girl get over a dude. How is helping this girl sleazy? It's not mind games or anything, he isn't tricking her into thinking he's a good guy, he's helping her realize it on her own. One of the biggest mistakes people make, one I have made plenty of times in the past, is to directly try to convince someone something. You can be the greatest guy in the world for a girl, but if you tell her, "I'm the greatest guy in the world, give me a chance," she will most likely reject the idea (and you). Because at the end of the day, every shitty dude she's been with has told her the exact same thing. So I'm advising this kid to NOT talk to her about her relationship. Because no matter what, nothing good can come out of it. Talking about it will not help her move on. Telling her to move on will not help her move on. Especially if he talks to her about it too much and hits a nerve, he risks her violently rejecting him before he even asks her out. It's happened to me, and I don't want someone else to make the same mistake.
seriously overthinking this it really isnt this hard
[QUOTE=thisispain;40859686]seriously overthinking this it really isnt this hard[/QUOTE] Tell that to the majority of the people who post here asking a question in that general category. It might not be hard for you, but some people are competely inept at it and have no experience whatsoever because they are afraid to do it in the first place.
pseudo-psychology doesnt help anyone [editline]31st May 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=CorporalRoss;40859692]Tell that to the majority of the people who post here asking a question in that general category.[/QUOTE] i do tell that to the majority of people i think most of us do
[QUOTE=CorporalRoss;40859692]Tell that to the majority of the people who post here asking a question in that general category. It might not be hard for you, but some people are competely inept at it and have no experience whatsoever because they are afraid to do it in the first place.[/QUOTE] Uh what We've already given an easy solution what is being said is that there is no need to overanalyse
[QUOTE=killerteacup;40859716]Uh what We've already given an easy solution what is being said is that there is no need to overanalyse[/QUOTE] Mine was more of a generalization on the topic as a whole versus tpain comment. for the situation that was at hand, I wasn't disagreeing with it.
His wording may be sleazy as all fuck but the root point is pretty correct. I mean don't force her to not talk about if she wants to but I can say for myself at least that the best thing after a break up is to just get away from it and focus on the present. So not talking about it is generally best, unless she feels the need to talk it out in some way. I mean you don't want to be a dick and just refuse to help her with that.
By my experience I totally agree with Maverick. I didn't follow this conversation since the beginning but that's exactly the best posture you can have in that situation. He fucking pinpointed everything when he said "you can't convince someone you're the better man". And that's also a mistake I've made several times till I realized, making my own mistakes that it's so true. If you want to conquer someone who has a boyfriend you can't force yourself into that role, you really have to be yourself as in something better for her than the relationship she's having. Of course that in the end of the day it's really up to her to dump her boyfriend or not, however, being that great respectful guy and avoiding ever touching lame subjects such as her relationship really creates a connection. Making good enjoyable moments totally associates you to good things. It helps the person move on and get those bad breakup memories off her head quicker. I'm really trying to make this sound less like psychology but I really can't. These are the type of skills you kind of acquire by experience and that you start to assimilate. I'm really speaking for myself because I've dated with girls who had boyfriends. In the end it all comes down to confidence. However, no matter how confident you are the final decision weather to breakup for you or not it's really up to her and no matter how that situation may suck, in the end you just have to be respectful enough to accept whatever her choice is.
Nothing sleazy about shit, it's the feminists fault for raising all this hubbub about giving women choices without realizing that they have to teach women how to make choices in the first fucking place before they get to have the right to make their own choices. Now we've got women who have no idea how to handle relationships or even how to drive safely. Now men have to resort to subtly giving women the illusion that they have a choice in order to get them to make a choice. [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Trolling - Ban history" - Megafan))[/highlight]
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