Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[MaverickIB]

What.

How is stating a fact bragging.

Just let it go jesus fucking christ.

[johnsten]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40888998]What.

How is stating a fact bragging.

Just let it go jesus fucking christ.[/QUOTE]

Huh Guys? I don't Know what you're talking about... Just Let me ignore all these accusations... Haha you guys are... totally wacked out!

[LoneWolf_Recon]

[QUOTE=kazookie;40888926]So, people. How do I interact with people I want to make friends with?

I can talk to people and shit, but most of the time it's if someone starts to talk to me instead. (I do break the silence barrier now and then, though)
It's just really weird for me to start talking to people that I don't know when I'm in a sober state. It's.. too random for me. For some weird reason. Even when I've seen the person a billion times before.[/QUOTE]

Loosen up a bit and just try your hand at a conversation with whoever, and you can continue building a friendship with them if you want based upon how well you like them personality, interests, etc. Pop a joke, tell a story or something. Spend time with them and get to know them, and vice versa.

You can just point out things about them ("Nice Fallout 3 Shirt, have you played New Vegas?"), or make comments on a situation (Cliche inbound: "So how bout that weather", "Man, I'm pretty fed up with so and so.", etc) with them and start discourse.

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=kazookie;40888926]So, people. How do I interact with people I want to make friends with?

I can talk to people and shit, but most of the time it's if someone starts to talk to me instead. (I do break the silence barrier now and then, though)
It's just really weird for me to start talking to people that I don't know when I'm in a sober state. It's.. too random for me. For some weird reason. Even when I've seen the person a billion times before.[/QUOTE]

I get where you're coming from, and im gonna make some assumptions here which might be wrong, but it just helps me illustrate my point

a lot of the time when youre sitting there wanting to start a conversation and get to know someone, you probably can't think of anything to say
realistically, it's not like you can't think of [i]anything[/i] to say, there are tons of things that you could randomly blurt out, but most of them seem either too weird or too cliche, right?

However, what you might not realize is that nobody will judge you for starting a conversation in a boring cliche way, because that's what pretty much everyone does.

there are thousands of those stupid conversations every day, "man this class is so boring" "I know i wanna get out of here" "its so nice outside!"
neither party is contributing anything new or interesting, there's almost no reason to have the conversation in the first place
EXCEPT for the fact that both of you are demonstrating to each other that you value the other person enough to just keep a shitty conversation going for the sake of it, and you're both trying to come up with a [i]real[/i] conversation in the process

that's how you talk to people: start with what's essentially a "scripted dialogue" until one of you figures out enough about each other to move on to better topics

once you get enough practice it will be easier and faster to move past the boring shit. that's why very social people can approach others with just "hi", and actually get enough banter going to make a good impression

[kazookie]

-snip- Didn't refresh the page

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;40889225]I get where you're coming from, and im gonna make some assumptions here which might be wrong, but it just helps me illustrate my point

a lot of the time when youre sitting there wanting to start a conversation and get to know someone, you probably can't think of anything to say
realistically, it's not like you can't think of [i]anything[/i] to say, there are tons of things that you could randomly blurt out, but most of them seem either too weird or too cliche, right?

However, what you might not realize is that nobody will judge you for starting a conversation in a boring cliche way, because that's what pretty much everyone does.

there are thousands of those stupid conversations every day, "man this class is so boring" "I know i wanna get out of here" "its so nice outside!"
neither party is contributing anything new or interesting, there's almost no reason to have the conversation in the first place
EXCEPT for the fact that both of you are demonstrating to each other that you value the other person enough to just keep a shitty conversation going for the sake of it, and you're both trying to come up with a [i]real[/i] conversation in the process

that's how you talk to people: start with what's essentially a "scripted dialogue" until one of you figures out enough about each other to move on to better topics

once you get enough practice it will be easier and faster to move past the boring shit. that's why very social people can approach others with just "hi", and actually get enough banter going to make a good impression[/QUOTE]

This is good.

Just sucks that I've always had a problem with this type of stuff. I'm an extremely social guy once I get going, but the whole startup process with someone new is the toughest shit in the world. There's gotta be something I can relate to with them right off the bat (like work) if I want to get anything started.

[tedb]

moving to another state later this week, it's going to be weird to say the least. going to be starting junior year at a new school. any tips? i'm really looking forward to it, pretty sad that i'm leaving though

[MaverickIB]

Do you do any sports?

Playing football was the best thing ever when I moved schools. Football always starts a few weeks before the rest of school starts, so you develop friendships with guys on the team and have people to hang around with from day 1. I dunno if any other groups like band or whatever start early.

If not, you'll be fine, it'll just be a little more difficult to get your foot in the door. At lunch, find people you've seen in your classes, sit down with them and tell them you just moved to the state/school/whatever. Since you don't have any kind of reputation or anything established, they will probably be willing to take you in under their wing.

Starting over is a mixed blessing. Getting started is tough, but you have a blank slate now. You can pretty much be whoever you want to be, what has happened in the past is completely irrelevant.

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=tedb;40889702]moving to another state later this week, it's going to be weird to say the least. going to be starting junior year at a new school. any tips? i'm really looking forward to it, pretty sad that i'm leaving though[/QUOTE]

Whenever I moved to somewhere new, in this case, school, I would always sit next to someone that looked interesting to me. I know it may sound kinda dumb because appearances don't reflect personality and all that, but I would always feel more open towards a person that looked interesting; thus by starting a casual conversation during class, like "hey, I'm kinda new here, I come from X, and blablabla", I'd eventually start some kind of friendship after a while.

So yeah that would be my tip to you. Also I'd be pretty happy in your place If I'd move to somewhere new. I like change and I love to meet new people.

[Rhenae]

Yeah figures the huge mass of comments that popped up while I wasn't around would just be some big shit argument over nothing.

Anyway small update for me, i've moved into my new apartment with my boyfriend for the first week <3 Pretty great for the first couple days now it's really sunk in. Having a hard time forcing serious work and not just sitting here playing games and having sex though...

Gotta get a job :v: although on that front I have some possible commission work from my old high school working its way into possibility as a side job to earn some extra cash.

Everything is going pretty awesome here <3

[editline]3rd June 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40889843]Whenever I moved to somewhere new, in this case, school, I would always sit next to someone that looked interesting to me. I know it may sound kinda dumb because appearances don't reflect personality and all that, but I would always feel more open towards a person that looked interesting; thus by starting a casual conversation during class, like "hey, I'm kinda new here, I come from X, and blablabla", I'd eventually start some kind of friendship after a while.

So yeah that would be my tip to you. Also I'd be pretty happy in your place If I'd move to somewhere new. I like change and I love to meet new people.[/QUOTE]

Definitely at least sit beside someone! It seem awkward and peoples natural reaction is to avoid siting beside anyone if there is still an open seat but go for it and sit with someone, secluding yourself off seems less awkward but also leaves you with less opportunity to talk to people

[Dvorak231]

So guys need some girl advice that for once isn't just "ask her out"

Asked a girl out a while back after spending most of the day with her, she seemed really happy and said yes.

Few weeks on, trying to actually go out with this girl is impossible, takes 1-3 days to reply to any texts/messages and never answers her phone. When she does reply, always seems to be busy and never able to give me a definitive date where she's free. Thing is she lives a road down from me, literally 3 minutes walk so it's not we couldn't easily meet up.

She seemed really happy and excited that I'd asked her out so I don't think she's just fucking me about, what do you guys think? Should I just call her out on it or wait it out?

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=Dvorak231;40890422]So guys need some girl advice that for once isn't just "ask her out"

Asked a girl out a while back after spending most of the day with her, she seemed really happy and said yes.

Few weeks on, trying to actually go out with this girl is impossible, takes 1-3 days to reply to any texts/messages and never answers her phone. When she does reply, always seems to be busy and never able to give me a definitive date where she's free. Thing is she lives a road down from me, literally 3 minutes walk so it's not we couldn't easily meet up.

She seemed really happy and excited that I'd asked her out so I don't think she's just fucking me about, what do you guys think? Should I just call her out on it or wait it out?[/QUOTE]
How often do you call her, text her or try to contact her?

[Dvorak231]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40890870]How often do you call her, text her or try to contact her?[/QUOTE]

Whenever she replies which is once a day generally, although if she doesn't reply for several days I text her. If shes genuinely busy I don't want to be an annoyance but it's pretty annoying for me trying to arrange something

She just replied, says she's busy all week. Fucks sake, that's another week then. The urge to just ask her if she even wants to go out at all anymore is pretty huge

[Behemoth_PT]

Maybe you kinda smothered her with that urge to ask her out that she kinda backed off.

However, she's clearly not that interested in going out with you, at least at the moment. And the more you insist the more she won't feel like going out with you.

Give it some time, back away and try to give her some space to kinda ponder weather she really wants to be with you again.

Don't think that you're the problem because you're not. Don't overthink it because it will lead you nowhere.

The right thing to do at the moment is to kinda let her go. If she likes you, remembers you and misses you, she'll come to you and speak to you again in some time. Don't worry.

[thisispain]

well that was worth reading through *sarcastic mark*

[Behemoth_PT]

Anyway, I kinda need advice here.

So last year a foreign girl who I then started chatting on Facebook came to Portugal on vacation and asked me if I could go meet her. (I actually told the story last year when this happened). So as a good friend of hers I went to meet her. She's a nice girl, kind, really good looking and all that.

However since she left to visit other countries she kinda stopped talking to me as much as she did when she was about to meet me here. I'm totally cool with it because I didn't meet her that long to actually feel like involving myself romantically or anything. Plus at the time I had broken up with my ex and I really wasn't in the mood for that. This girl is taking some time off university to travel before mustering the will to go back to study again so I assumed she would be travelling, meeting other people and our conversations would never take long because she always "had to go" or "had something to do". It's ok, I kinda stopped talking to her as often as I did because I was already expecting her to just leave and because my life called me back. So, I took her off of my head.

So recently she texts me again on Facebook saying she'l be in Barcelona the whole summer and asks me if I want to visit. And I'm like in my head "wow, really?". So I told her I didn't know if I could go since Barcelona is kinda far and expensive and that I had exams but I'd see what I could do when June ends. She kinda said "haha, come on, at least Barcelona is closer than my country". She kinda insisted that I went there.

Now I'm not to keen on embarking on adventures because of girl nor making decisions based on them. (no offence to the girls here) and I'm a little short on money (only have 500€ in my account), and I will surely blast a good chunk on it it in July and August seeing Saxon twice here (don't judge me, Heavy Metal > Women) So lets say, by the end of August I'd say I have 300€ minimum which won't certainly be enough to last long out there in Barcelona where nobody can be arsed enough to speak English or Portuguese or understand my Spainuguese.

I'd really like to be with her again. However, I'm afraid that once I get there she has her own friends there and I'd be kinda at the margin there. I mean, I don't have a plan and I suck at planing shit.
What do, Facepunch?

[editline]3rd June 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=thisispain;40892159]well that was worth reading through *sarcastic mark*[/QUOTE]
Well, what could I say to make it less vague?

The problem itself was also as vague as my answer could reach.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40892195]
Well, what could I say to make it less vague?

The problem itself was also as vague as my answer could reach.[/QUOTE]

oh im sorry i was talking about the whole maverick/rusty thing haha

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40892195]Anyway, I kinda need advice here.

So last year a foreign girl who I then started chatting on Facebook came to Portugal on vacation and asked me if I could go meet her. (I actually told the story last year when this happened). So as a good friend of hers I went to meet her. She's a nice girl, kind, really good looking and all that.

However since she left to visit other countries she kinda stopped talking to me as much as she did when she was about to meet me here. I'm totally cool with it because I didn't meet her that long to actually feel like involving myself romantically or anything. Plus at the time I had broken up with my ex and I really wasn't in the mood for that. This girl is taking some time off university to travel before mustering the will to go back to study again so I assumed she would be travelling, meeting other people and our conversations would never take long because she always "had to go" or "had something to do". It's ok, I kinda stopped talking to her as often as I did because I was already expecting her to just leave and because my life called me back. So, I took her off of my head.

So recently she texts me again on Facebook saying she'l be in Barcelona the whole summer and asks me if I want to visit. And I'm like in my head "wow, really?". So I told her I didn't know if I could go since Barcelona is kinda far and expensive and that I had exams but I'd see what I could do when June ends. She kinda said "haha, come on, at least Barcelona is closer than my country". She kinda insisted that I went there.

Now I'm not to keen on embarking on adventures because of girl nor making decisions based on them. (no offence to the girls here) and I'm a little short on money (only have 500€ in my account), and I will surely blast a good chunk on it it in July and August seeing Saxon twice here (don't judge me, Heavy Metal > Women) So lets say, by the end of August I'd say I have 300€ minimum which won't certainly be enough to last long out there in Barcelona where nobody can be arsed enough to speak English or Portuguese or understand my Spainuguese.

I'd really like to be with her again. However, I'm afraid that once I get there she has her own friends there and I'd be kinda at the margin there. I mean, I don't have a plan and I suck at planing shit.
What do, Facepunch?

[editline]3rd June 2013[/editline]

Well, what could I say to make it less vague?

The problem itself was also as vague as my answer could reach.[/QUOTE]

My recommendation would be to make a short visit, don't stay all summer or anything. Maybe not even a month. I'm not sure how much it costs to travel there but maybe just make a couple week thing of it. It'll minimize how much you spend while your there and if your only with her for a little while you probably wont be as likely to be marginalized etc. obviously go long enough the travel expense is worth it but dont stay much longer.

[tedb]

thanks for the pointers. not too big into sports, looks like there are some clubs that i might join though.

[Behemoth_PT]

I'll probably go to Barcelona then. I mean it's a beautiful city totally worth visiting, and since there's a friend of mine there, I think it wouldn't hurt to pay a visit.

Maybe I'll try to convince my parents or some friends to come with us too. At least that would guarantee me a place to stay and I could always share the expense.

[KamikazeZombie]

I am shy and I'd really like some help with it.

I'm fine with people I know, but the initial first few conversations are just so terrifying for me. Any advice?

[ScoutKing]

[QUOTE=thisispain;40892159]well that was worth reading through *sarcastic mark*[/QUOTE]

I actually quite enjoyed it.
I feel nostalgic reading all of it.

[thisispain]

thats the reason i didnt like this maverick shit in the first place
a whole bunch of posts which help no-one

[dmillerw]

Oh, for fucks sake. Her BF is just making this harder and harder for her. She knows it's best that they break up, but when he's suddenly being all loving and affectionate again, it just makes it that much harder for her.

On the plus side, we both got our fishing licenses today, so we'll be doing a lot of hanging out and (hopefully) getting her away from them and hopefully making this easier on her.

[Nikeos]

lol

if she wants to get out so badly, she should end it. its not his fault, its hers.

[dmillerw]

Well the whole issue is while she does want to break up, she also doesn't. Now, whatever that reason may be (love, or just wanting the love to still be there), it's definitely making it tough for her to do what she has to do.

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40895455]Oh, for fucks sake. Her BF is just making this harder and harder for her. She knows it's best that they break up, but when he's suddenly being all loving and affectionate again, it just makes it that much harder for her.

On the plus side, we both got our fishing licenses today, so we'll be doing a lot of hanging out and (hopefully) getting her away from them and hopefully making this easier on her.[/QUOTE]

I think you counselling her and giving her advice relating to her relationship is a bad idea, to be honest. No doubt some bitterness and hostility comes through when you talk to her about her boyfriend. It's not really advice if it's heavily biased towards getting what you want for yourself, rather than helping the person in need.

Just be careful about how you broach the subject, and the advice you give. If she does end up breaking up with him and, down the line, getting with you, you don't want her pinning the blame on you. "I could have made it work, but you pressured me into breaking up and painted him out to be a really bad guy".

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=loopoo;40895652]I think you counselling her and giving her advice relating to her relationship is a bad idea, to be honest. No doubt some bitterness and hostility comes through when you talk to her about her boyfriend. It's not really advice if it's heavily biased towards getting what you want for yourself, rather than helping the person in need.

Just be careful about how you broach the subject, and the advice you give. If she does end up breaking up with him and, down the line, getting with you, you don't want her pinning the blame on you. "I could have made it work, but you pressured me into breaking up and painted him out to be a really bad guy".[/QUOTE]

From what's been said previously, it seems like he's deliberately avoiding the subject, to take her mind off it. Which I suggest you keep doing, dmillerw, because the way it sounds, if you talk about her boyfriend at all it will probably come out somewhat hostile whether you want it to or not. And also taking her mind off it is generally a good strategy, makes things better for her and I guess gives you a chance or whatever.

Also, thanks for the replies like 3 pages ago guys. I've been in a massive rut for a while and that post was a long time coming but I kind of feel like im coming out of it now, so thanks a ton, really. I'd've replied sooner but my internet's been ass for the past few days. Working on getting that fixed.

As for Maverik, I know I'm late for the show but I just wanted to say that although he has some whacked out views and shit and does in fact appear to be a massive narcissist, that doesn't invalidate the fact that some of his advice is actually good. There really doesn't need to be an outright argument about it, at all, a rating is all that's really needed. But his reply to my post was incredibly insightful and rather helpful, so I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

There is one topic I wanted to approach, though, from OogalaBoogal's reply to my post:

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;40876632]I know this forum is primarily based around the playing of video games, but ever since I reduced my time playing video games from 3 or 4 hours a day to maybe 2 a week I've been much happier. I now use my iPhone more than I use my PC. Go learn how to do other things, get involved with groups, pick up a sport, try new things, go new places. You should try changing your mindset from "I can't do that" to "~Maybe~ I can do that". It works wonders![/quote]

How do I do this? Like, what other things could I learn to do? I have a guitar, and over the past few years (I even took a class Freshman year) I've on and off tried to learn to play it well, but I'm just not interested. I can't sit down and learn to play a song, messing up constantly and whatnot. I just doesn't hold my attention. I'm not into any sports, really, or none that I can think of. I guess Hockey would be cool to play? But mostly for the ice skating part. Sports really just aren't my thing. There's also the fact I'm 17 years old and it doesn't seem very viable for me to learn any sports, if I even wanted to. As for groups, I tried last semester to join a club, which was the only singular club that I thought would be interesting, which it ended up not being, and also ended up dying out halfway into the semester. I guess what I'm saying with that is that there ARE no groups to join. I don't know where to go. Even if I thought I COULD do something there's no where to do it.

Basically the question I'm asking is how the hell do I get involved and go do new things when there is nothing interesting around me? And I don't even mean interesting as in it doesn't LOOK interesting, it just is really not my cup of tea.

[Missing User]

Broke up with the one girl in the beginning of March because red-flags went off. holy shit I'm glad im not involved now. Shes screwed over her education, housing, and now has little chance to live her dream job because of these tattoos and piercings shes getting.

HOWEVER, this gal I've known for a while now as friends suddenly decided to chirp to my friends asking if I was single, etc.

So I've been doing a lot with her now. Shes the exact opposite of the last, and its good. Shes got her shit in the line, has ambitions, and nothing that is ruining her chances at becoming what she wants. Dont know if I want to go for her or not, but shes - as people say - the type of girl that you'd want to bring home to mom

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=areolop;40896049]Broke up with the one girl in the beginning of March because red-flags went off. holy shit I'm glad im not involved now. Shes screwed over her education, housing, and now has little chance to live her dream job because of these tattoos and piercings shes getting.

HOWEVER, this gal I've known for a while now as friends suddenly decided to chirp to my friends asking if I was single, etc.

So I've been doing a lot with her now. Shes the exact opposite of the last, and its good. Shes got her shit in the line, has ambitions, and nothing that is ruining her chances at becoming what she wants. Dont know if I want to go for her or not, but shes - as people say - the type of girl that you'd want to bring home to mom[/QUOTE]

I still vastly disapprove of your unnecessary dislike about her tattoos and inability to understand that unless she is getting something on her face it isn't going to stop her from becoming a teacher, but anyway, good job finding a girl more to your tastes and hopefully it goes well for you :)