Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Megafan]

[QUOTE=MindMuncher;40906465]The verbose bit was more of "There's a lot more text on my screen to filter through and this makes me even more enthusiastic about not having to do this again".
It was a personal thing not me pointing out why others don't like him.

I suppose 'personal vendetta against his worldview' may have been coming on a bit too strong, but you can't deny that he gets attacked every time he acts a little too much like Maverick on the forum. Granted, he doesn't need defending, since defending himself is one of the big things that makes this stuff explode. It's both sides that need to chill out a bit. I didn't mean to call out particular people who are arguing with him, I meant to call out that the whole situation was silly and if we all just roll on past, it'll be much nicer for everyone.
Just everybody be cool.[/QUOTE]

I can't deny it, no, but when "acting a little too much like Maverick" means saying offensive or unacceptable then it's difficult to take it lying down. Surely you can understand that as well.

[MindMuncher]

Frankly I didn't want it to get out of hand so that mods could deal with it, since I rather enjoy his posts.
I realize that the mods take care of stuff, I just don't want another rash of bans to cut through here. It's a bummer when a big contributor to this thread gets snuffed out. We already lost the Love advice section and these are really the last bastion of that particular kingdom.

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

But yes, he can be offensive.

[Megafan]

[QUOTE=MindMuncher;40906498]Frankly I didn't want it to get out of hand so that mods could deal with it, since I rather enjoy his posts.
I realize that the mods take care of stuff, I just don't want another rash of bans to cut through here. It's a bummer when a big contributor to this thread gets snuffed out. We already lost the Love advice section and these are really the last bastion of that particular kingdom.

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

But yes, he can be offensive.[/QUOTE]

Well let's not get too grandiose, but generally if someone gets banned it's for a reason, and we're not out looking for people to ban. It's hardly a strike or something with no regard for where or why.

I'm more than happy with people posting in a civil way, and have never said anything to suggest otherwise.

[MindMuncher]

Nor was I implying that you were glowing red hot and ready to smash down the molten head of a banhammer upon his next post.

It was more of a general thing, not calling you out as dangerous and unsympathetic.
Is anyone else imagining this discussion between nineteenth century englishmen in nice jackets?

Maybe it's because no one has called each other a name yet. It's nice.

[thisispain]

oh my god lets just stop

[MindMuncher]

Thisispain, what did you do today?

We need a new topic.

[thisispain]

i took my mum to the doctor!
shes doing a lot better than before, it seems her anxiety and schizoaffective tendencies are being controlled well by her medication, this was her last visit for a while

[editline]4th June 2013[/editline]

i dont think anyone knows about my mum tho

[MindMuncher]

Anyone here or in real life?

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

I don't know about her at least.

[rrkpp_]

[QUOTE=areolop;40896359]Its not that I dont like that she has tattoos, its that its completely irresponsible of her to get them at a time when her dad is under investigation (now TWICE) by congress. Shes working a place that is one pole away from a strip club, complains of having no money, and now has been screwed out of education because she quit.[/QUOTE]

your obsession with nitpicking other peoples lives and talking like you know whats best for other people is so obnoxious and irritating to read

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

"pheeeeww! sure glad i got away from that last one! now i can laugh as her life falls apart because shes dumb and irresponsible. i mean, tattoos? tattoos??"

[thisispain]

i dont think ive posted about it in this thread
basically my mum was hospitalised after a nervous breakdown and shes been taking medication for a couple of months now

[Naaz]

I hate developing crushes on people when they're already friends, I always find myself dropping hints and generally acting quite different. Additionally, I'm only a freshman in high school and I feel like I'm not old enough to have an actual relationship, so I trap myself in a shithole of indecision, false hope, and generally awful things. I also really like her as a friend and I'm not sure if I want to ruin that accidentally, so I guess I'm friendzoning myself. Digging myself deeper into shitty social situations seems to be my subconscious' hobby.

[editline]4th June 2013[/editline]

I should probably pay more attention to the title of this thread.

[MaverickIB]

This is probably gonna be a long one. Pepper your angus.

So I have a pretty big problem that's starting to really get under my skin. I'm coming to you guys for advice because it's actually something I have no previous experience with, I'm flying completely blind here and quite frankly, considering what is at stake, I absolutely hate that.

I don't really know where to start because I don't want people to focus on the wrong thing. So I desperately urge you this, take this stage-setting information as just that. Don't try analyze it and tell me what I did wrong or whatever, or what I shoulda done, or how I was a pussy here and there, or whatever. Quite frankly, I can't be assed to go into the fine details of what happened, so before you try to attack me for it, realize everything was well thought out and I had my reasons.

You guys might remember the girl I was dating for quite a while. I've known her for 3 years now. She's my best friend. The last time I was this close to someone, it was my brother. Our friendship goes way beyond romantic interests, we aren't romantically involved right now (for reasons I'm about to tell you), and are still inseparable as friends. I love her. I'd do anything for her.

Half a year ago or so, we decided to give the full-blown commitment thing a shot. She wasn't ready. She made some bad choices and cheated on me. She fucked up bigtime. I understood the reasoning for what she did, which is why I was able to forgive her, but she made some huge mistakes. When it happened, it got me real deep. I was torn apart, an emotional fucking mess for a few weeks or so. Funnily enough, she was the one who got me through it, because while the romantic part of her destroyed me, the friendship part saved me. But this isn't really about that, that's just what happened. Like I said, I made the choice to forgive her and stay friends for a good reason. Don't question it.

What I need help with is her. She never forgave herself for what she did. She panicked, I was her first kiss, first boyfriend, took her virginity, first every-fucking-thing. Her complete lack of experience made her make some huge mistakes, and she has never stopped beating herself up over hurting me. She never even asked me to forgive her, I chose to do so on my own. I knew she wasn't going to be able to get over it for a while, neither was I, but I figured time would play its part and we'd move on.

The complete opposite happened. Her regret made her spiral downward into a huge depression. Instead of thinking about it less every day, she thought about it more. To the point where now, whenever she isn't with me laughing and whatnot (the only time she isn't thinking about how terrible of a person she thinks she is), it's on her mind. Her self-esteem is totally destroyed, she thinks she's ruined everything forever and will never be happy, that she will hurt everyone she has ever loved. No matter how much I try to tell her I've forgiven her, she cannot let the fact that she hurt me go. Because like she is to me, I'm her only friend, her closest friend, and she feels like she's going to lose me because of what she did.

It has created this downward spiral, because she sees me distraught over her emotional state, then gets more upset because she feels like she's ruining my happiness. Keep in mind, this isn't typical attention whore shit. She doesn't go around expressing it regularly. She tries to fake being happy and whatnot, but I can always see it in her eyes when she isn't, I've known her too long. Getting her to talk about it takes a little pushing, then she'll crack and break down again.

I thought maybe doing nothing and letting her deal with it on her own would be the best, but she only deteriorated more. Eventually broke down and told me she thought I was distancing myself from her and whatnot, further blaming herself for what she did. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I talk to her about it, she breaks down and I don't see much good come out of it. But if I don't, she just gets even worse. She's even told me she doesn't want to live anymore, which is terrifying. Because it isn't "look at me," type stuff, she doesn't tell anyone this stuff, she doesn't constantly remind me, I have to dig pretty deep for her to tell me what's really on her mind. All the other time, she tries to put on an act like everything is okay (which she does because she doesn't want me to worry about her).

I don't know what to do. I haven't felt this helpless since I found out my brother had cancer, and it's the worst feeling ever. I've helped so many people with their problems in the past, so many people, yet when it comes down to one I care about more than ever, one that really matters, I can't do shit.

The only card I have left right now is holding out until next month. She's going on a vacation type thing with some photography friends to Bali for an entire month. I'm hoping getting away from everything for a month will help. But all my eggs are in that basket, if she comes back the same or worse, I won't have a clue what else to try. I mean, I've been depressed like that before, but I got through it with the "man the fuck up," approach; I'm not stupid enough to think everyone is capable of that. As great as she is, as strong a girl she is, I don't see her just crawling out on her own.

Any help would be appreciated.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40907330]This is probably gonna be a long one. Pepper your angus.

So I have a pretty big problem that's starting to really get under my skin. I'm coming to you guys for advice because it's actually something I have no previous experience with, I'm flying completely blind here and quite frankly, considering what is at stake, I absolutely hate that.

I don't really know where to start because I don't want people to focus on the wrong thing. So I desperately urge you this, take this stage-setting information as just that. Don't try analyze it and tell me what I did wrong or whatever, or what I shoulda done, or how I was a pussy here and there, or whatever. Quite frankly, I can't be assed to go into the fine details of what happened, so before you try to attack me for it, realize everything was well thought out and I had my reasons.

You guys might remember the girl I was dating for quite a while. I've known her for 3 years now. She's my best friend. The last time I was this close to someone, it was my brother. Our friendship goes way beyond romantic interests, we aren't romantically involved right now (for reasons I'm about to tell you), and are still inseparable as friends. I love her. I'd do anything for her.

Half a year ago or so, we decided to give the full-blown commitment thing a shot. She wasn't ready. She made some bad choices and cheated on me. She fucked up bigtime. I understood the reasoning for what she did, which is why I was able to forgive her, but she made some huge mistakes. When it happened, it got me real deep. I was torn apart, an emotional fucking mess for a few weeks or so. Funnily enough, she was the one who got me through it, because while the romantic part of her destroyed me, the friendship part saved me. But this isn't really about that, that's just what happened. Like I said, I made the choice to forgive her and stay friends for a good reason. Don't question it.

What I need help with is her. She never forgave herself for what she did. She panicked, I was her first kiss, first boyfriend, took her virginity, first every-fucking-thing. Her complete lack of experience made her make some huge mistakes, and she has never stopped beating herself up over hurting me. She never even asked me to forgive her, I chose to do so on my own. I knew she wasn't going to be able to get over it for a while, neither was I, but I figured time would play its part and we'd move on.

The complete opposite happened. Her regret made her spiral downward into a huge depression. Instead of thinking about it less every day, she thought about it more. To the point where now, whenever she isn't with me laughing and whatnot (the only time she isn't thinking about how terrible of a person she thinks she is), it's on her mind. Her self-esteem is totally destroyed, she thinks she's ruined everything forever and will never be happy, that she will hurt everyone she has ever loved. No matter how much I try to tell her I've forgiven her, she cannot let the fact that she hurt me go. Because like she is to me, I'm her only friend, her closest friend, and she feels like she's going to lose me because of what she did.

It has created this downward spiral, because she sees me distraught over her emotional state, then gets more upset because she feels like she's ruining my happiness. Keep in mind, this isn't typical attention whore shit. She doesn't go around expressing it regularly. She tries to fake being happy and whatnot, but I can always see it in her eyes when she isn't, I've known her too long. Getting her to talk about it takes a little pushing, then she'll crack and break down again.

I thought maybe doing nothing and letting her deal with it on her own would be the best, but she only deteriorated more. Eventually broke down and told me she thought I was distancing myself from her and whatnot, further blaming herself for what she did. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I talk to her about it, she breaks down and I don't see much good come out of it. But if I don't, she just gets even worse. She's even told me she doesn't want to live anymore, which is terrifying. Because it isn't "look at me," type stuff, she doesn't tell anyone this stuff, she doesn't constantly remind me, I have to dig pretty deep for her to tell me what's really on her mind. All the other time, she tries to put on an act like everything is okay (which she does because she doesn't want me to worry about her).

I don't know what to do. I haven't felt this helpless since I found out my brother had cancer, and it's the worst feeling ever. I've helped so many people with their problems in the past, so many people, yet when it comes down to one I care about more than ever, one that really matters, I can't do shit.

The only card I have left right now is holding out until next month. She's going on a vacation type thing with some photography friends to Bali for an entire month. I'm hoping getting away from everything for a month will help. But all my eggs are in that basket, if she comes back the same or worse, I won't have a clue what else to try. I mean, I've been depressed like that before, but I got through it with the "man the fuck up," approach; I'm not stupid enough to think everyone is capable of that. As great as she is, as strong a girl she is, I don't see her just crawling out on her own.

Any help would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

Getting away hopefully will help, you being the main person she is around probably doesn't help since she is constantly reminded of it. If we were talking to her I'm sure we would tell her to distance herself from it, and you for a while. Process something else. But that isn't really something that can be done to help from your side.
My only major suggestion is for her to talk to a professional. I know people will complain a bit and say it didn't work for them, and fair enough it doesn't help everyone but it can help some people and talking to someone who is specifically trained to help with emotional problems might be able to help her. It really doesn't hurt to try especially since she has said she had essentially suicidal thoughts.

Other than that I can't provide much help, too much of getting over things like this has to come from herself there isn't always a lot you can really do. Its the sort of conclusions and change in how you think really that you have to come to yourself one way or another. I got through my problems similarly to how you did, and I think most people do at the root. Some people just get to it a different way. But in the end its just deciding that it was a problem and a mistake but that is the past and it is done with, if you worry over the past forever you can never get anywhere in the future etc.
May I ask how old she is when this happened and now?

[MaverickIB]

It's just tough for her to distance herself (and equally so for me to distance myself from her) because even though I remind her of things, I'm also the only person she can come to when that happens. And as far as I know, being around me doesn't remind her. It's when she's alone that she really drops into these lows, she says around me she forgets about it all.

She is 21, I'm 22. It happened a few months ago. I understand that isn't long in the grand scheme of things, but like I said, it doesn't show any signs of progressing. Maybe it has to get worse before it can get better. I don't know.

I've tried a million times to get myself to tell her maybe she should see a professional, but I just know that's going to make her feel like she's even more of a fuckup. I guess that's an option I can play if Bali doesn't help, but it feels like an all-or-nothing type of option.

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=Megafan;40905629]I'm afraid it's not really your job to do backseat moderation here. Someone causing trouble in a thread with their opinions is hardly a new thing, and when it gets out of hand we deal with it.

But that aside, the issue people are taking with Maverick has nothing to do with how verbose he is, I reckon it's more to do with him unironically calling his advice things like "how to steal a girl from her boyfriend".[/QUOTE]

honestly you dont know what youre talking about and this is not the right thing to complain about

[Megafan]

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;40907905]honestly you dont know what youre talking about and this is not the right thing to complain about[/QUOTE]

Then what is the right thing to complain about?

[SundayRoast]

So yesterday, a friend of mine decided to cut all contacts with me. Removed me on steam and fb and blocked me on the latter. Then in the evening I tried to call her, but that didn't work so I sent her a text, trying to ask what's up and also stating that I could understand it on some level, but not on this grade of how to react.

We did have a personal hitch over something that happened four weeks ago, but back then she said that we'd talk once she's done with her entry exams. Now those seems to have past and she goes on to do this.

Can't say this is the first time a lady friend has overreacted and thought that the best course of action would be cutting contact and not letting the person they are acting resentful towards know what the hell is up.

[Loopoo]

She's done you a favour. You can do without the petty drama of a melodramatic person. If I were you, I'd just shrug it off and be happy that they've removed themselves from my life.

If you only know this person via the internet, it's no big deal.

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

Also, have a bit of pride in yourself. If you know whatever you did doesn't warrant the actions she took, don't debase yourself by trying to get in contact with her when she's made it obvious she doesn't want anything to do with you (I mean this in the sense that, okay, you've sent a text and tried calling her. Stop at that, you've done what you can. Don't carry on texting / trying to call, it just throws all your dignity out the window).

[SundayRoast]

[QUOTE=loopoo;40908269]She's done you a favour. You can do without the petty drama of a melodramatic person. If I were you, I'd just shrug it off and be happy that they've removed themselves from my life.

If you only know this person via the internet, it's no big deal.

[editline]5th June 2013[/editline]

Also, have a bit of pride in yourself. If you know whatever you did doesn't warrant the actions she took, don't debase yourself by trying to get in contact with her when she's made it obvious she doesn't want anything to do with you (I mean this in the sense that, okay, you've sent a text and tried calling her. Stop at that, you've done what you can. Don't carry on texting / trying to call, it just throws all your dignity out the window).[/QUOTE]

It's somewhat of a big deal when it's someone I consider(ed?) a good friend.

I'm just gonna wait and let her cool off for a while.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40907330]This is probably gonna be a long one. Pepper your angus.

So I have a pretty big problem that's starting to really get under my skin. I'm coming to you guys for advice because it's actually something I have no previous experience with, I'm flying completely blind here and quite frankly, considering what is at stake, I absolutely hate that.

I don't really know where to start because I don't want people to focus on the wrong thing. So I desperately urge you this, take this stage-setting information as just that. Don't try analyze it and tell me what I did wrong or whatever, or what I shoulda done, or how I was a pussy here and there, or whatever. Quite frankly, I can't be assed to go into the fine details of what happened, so before you try to attack me for it, realize everything was well thought out and I had my reasons.

You guys might remember the girl I was dating for quite a while. I've known her for 3 years now. She's my best friend. The last time I was this close to someone, it was my brother. Our friendship goes way beyond romantic interests, we aren't romantically involved right now (for reasons I'm about to tell you), and are still inseparable as friends. I love her. I'd do anything for her.

Half a year ago or so, we decided to give the full-blown commitment thing a shot. She wasn't ready. She made some bad choices and cheated on me. She fucked up bigtime. I understood the reasoning for what she did, which is why I was able to forgive her, but she made some huge mistakes. When it happened, it got me real deep. I was torn apart, an emotional fucking mess for a few weeks or so. Funnily enough, she was the one who got me through it, because while the romantic part of her destroyed me, the friendship part saved me. But this isn't really about that, that's just what happened. Like I said, I made the choice to forgive her and stay friends for a good reason. Don't question it.

What I need help with is her. She never forgave herself for what she did. She panicked, I was her first kiss, first boyfriend, took her virginity, first every-fucking-thing. Her complete lack of experience made her make some huge mistakes, and she has never stopped beating herself up over hurting me. She never even asked me to forgive her, I chose to do so on my own. I knew she wasn't going to be able to get over it for a while, neither was I, but I figured time would play its part and we'd move on.

The complete opposite happened. Her regret made her spiral downward into a huge depression. Instead of thinking about it less every day, she thought about it more. To the point where now, whenever she isn't with me laughing and whatnot (the only time she isn't thinking about how terrible of a person she thinks she is), it's on her mind. Her self-esteem is totally destroyed, she thinks she's ruined everything forever and will never be happy, that she will hurt everyone she has ever loved. No matter how much I try to tell her I've forgiven her, she cannot let the fact that she hurt me go. Because like she is to me, I'm her only friend, her closest friend, and she feels like she's going to lose me because of what she did.

It has created this downward spiral, because she sees me distraught over her emotional state, then gets more upset because she feels like she's ruining my happiness. Keep in mind, this isn't typical attention whore shit. She doesn't go around expressing it regularly. She tries to fake being happy and whatnot, but I can always see it in her eyes when she isn't, I've known her too long. Getting her to talk about it takes a little pushing, then she'll crack and break down again.

I thought maybe doing nothing and letting her deal with it on her own would be the best, but she only deteriorated more. Eventually broke down and told me she thought I was distancing myself from her and whatnot, further blaming herself for what she did. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I talk to her about it, she breaks down and I don't see much good come out of it. But if I don't, she just gets even worse. She's even told me she doesn't want to live anymore, which is terrifying. Because it isn't "look at me," type stuff, she doesn't tell anyone this stuff, she doesn't constantly remind me, I have to dig pretty deep for her to tell me what's really on her mind. All the other time, she tries to put on an act like everything is okay (which she does because she doesn't want me to worry about her).

I don't know what to do. I haven't felt this helpless since I found out my brother had cancer, and it's the worst feeling ever. I've helped so many people with their problems in the past, so many people, yet when it comes down to one I care about more than ever, one that really matters, I can't do shit.

The only card I have left right now is holding out until next month. She's going on a vacation type thing with some photography friends to Bali for an entire month. I'm hoping getting away from everything for a month will help. But all my eggs are in that basket, if she comes back the same or worse, I won't have a clue what else to try. I mean, I've been depressed like that before, but I got through it with the "man the fuck up," approach; I'm not stupid enough to think everyone is capable of that. As great as she is, as strong a girl she is, I don't see her just crawling out on her own.

Any help would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

Giving her some time alone is definitely the best idea.

Unless you want her back and trust her enough not to do it again ; but even then she would probably spend the whole time worrying that she's gonna fuck up again

[MaverickIB]

I don't want her back until she gets her shit together, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone until she gets her shit together. She tends to be pretty smart about things like that, even in the state she's in.

[Zinayzen]

Then just go on a hiatus and let her get her shit together, I guess.

[Behemoth_PT]

Seems to me like you're trying to fix her. That doesn't work like that.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40916692]Seems to me like you're trying to fix her. That doesn't work like that.[/QUOTE]

i'd imagine in this situation she wants help as well.
"fixing" someone doesn't work when the person doesn't want to change.

[Behemoth_PT]

In this case I think it's worth more giving some space letting the other person know you're there if need be than actually trying to "fix" or to constantly being there.

[ScoutKing]

I say just keep doing what your doing, telling her you forgive her, etc etc, but at the same time you need to start moving her towards getting professional help if she isn't improving on her own/only getting worse.
To be honest though, i think the best thing might be you guys going your separate ways for awhile, but knowing you, you don't see that as an option.

[MaverickIB]

I'd be willing to go our separate ways.

That just isn't possible right now because we live together. Around December, she was flat broke and couldn't pay her rent/resign her lease, so I let her move in with me while she got back on her feet. She'll be moving out when she gets back from her trip, but until then "giving her space" isn't really possible considering we sleep in the same bed. Once she's out, giving her space will be much easier.

[Behemoth_PT]

You still sleep in the same bed with a girl that cheated on you and whom you stay friends with ?

dude, get your shit together.

Cheating is not the kind of thing that's hard to forgive, she's just making a huge mess out of it for no reason.

In the meantime you're giving her a home to stay and she still, somehow sleeps in your own bed despite you're not into a relationship. What the fuck?

Looks to me like she's acting up so that you don't kick her out or something and you're being too stubborn and in denial so much that you don't even want to accept the fact that she's avoiding your feelings trying to make you feel somewhat responsible and feel sorry for her.

Well, it's taking effect, but you really have to have a logical and serious conversation with that girl. I mean, that can't go on like it is.

Ok, you forgive her, that's cool but there has to be some change in your lives too.

It's ok that you give her a place to stay, but you have no obligation whatsoever to take care of her for the rest of her life specially sleeping with a person that claims to be your friend and in the meantime sleeps in your own bed. How much longer is that ilusion going to last?

What if you want to move on with your life or you meet someone else? Is she still staying there in your room?

Dude, start putting your shit together, put some rules and card on the table. It's your place, let her stay if you want but don't compromise yourself to sleeping in the same bed and room as her.

You can't stop your life for her just because she's depressed. So talk to her, explain things as they are, explain what you want from your life and that it won't be healthy for none of you to keep feeding this emotional snowball on and on.

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40923572]You still sleep in the same bed with a girl that cheated on you and whom you stay friends with ?

dude, get your shit together.

Cheating is not the kind of thing that's hard to forgive, she's just making a huge mess out of it for no reason.

In the meantime you're giving her a home to stay and she still, somehow sleeps in your own bed despite you're not into a relationship. What the fuck?

Looks to me like she's acting up so that you don't kick her out or something and you're being too stubborn and in denial so much that you don't even want to accept the fact that she's avoiding your feelings trying to make you feel somewhat responsible and feel sorry for her.

Well, it's taking effect, but you really have to have a logical and serious conversation with that girl. I mean, that can't go on like it is.

Ok, you forgive her, that's cool but there has to be some change in your lives too.

It's ok that you give her a place to stay, but you have no obligation whatsoever to take care of her for the rest of her life specially sleeping with a person that claims to be your friend and in the meantime sleeps in your own bed. How much longer is that ilusion going to last?

What if you want to move on with your life or you meet someone else? Is she still staying there in your room?

Dude, start putting your shit together, put some rules and card on the table. It's your place, let her stay if you want but don't compromise yourself to sleeping in the same bed and room as her.

You can't stop your life for her just because she's depressed. So talk to her, explain things as they are, explain what you want from your life and that it won't be healthy for none of you to keep feeding this emotional snowball on and on.[/QUOTE]

That is exactly what I knew was going to happen.

I'm giving her a home because she's my best friend. She'd be homeless without me. This has nothing to do with me kicking her out. She wants to move out, she will be moving out when she comes back. She just doesn't have the money to move out yet. So I'm supposed to go, "Well we aren't in a relationship so you can't sleep in this giant bed I have with plenty of room for two people without physically interacting, you have to find somewhere else to stay." Sorry, but I'm not a shitty friend.

I haven't stopped my life. I date other people. They know I am giving my best friend a place to stay in order to keep her from being homeless. Not a single girl has found a problem with it.

I mean, if she was sleeping somewhere else, like on my shitty couch, there'd be no problem, right? But the second she's sleeping in the same bed, oh my god I'm being used she's taking advantage of me get your shit together. It's just where she sleeps. Nothing more.

Maybe you didn't quite grasp how she is. She doesn't go around being all mopey or anything. If anything, when we're doing stuff together and whatnot, she's completely normal. However, when things calm down or she is by herself for a while, she still doesn't get mopey, but I can still see that something's wrong just by looking in her eyes. I have to dig pretty hard to find out what's wrong, how is she trying to make me feel responsible and sorry for her when, if I never asked anything, she would never tell me anything? Stop associating this with typical girl-trying-to-fuck-with-guy bullshit. She isn't playing games with me or whatever. I would know if she was, I'm no stranger to games. She's fallen into a state of depression because of her regret, that is what has happened. Stop trying to denounce the problem altogether and say something else is going on.

[Behemoth_PT]

I'm not telling you to kick her out nor to tell her to sleep in the couch. Why don't you sleep in the couch?
Also, no I'm not assuming she's this needy person who can't live with her own choices and decides to keep you close, I'm just giving you advice in not joining in on her depression.
But that's not it.

Ok, let's suppose she is in fact depressed. I don't think the reason was only the fact that she cheated on you. I mean, it's bad, but it happens frequently and most times people forgive and forget those things. If she's really having a depression, the cheating may have been the last drop, however, I don't think it was the cause for depression since you already forgave her. (or did you really make her feel like you did?)

Ok, she feels vulnerable, she doesn't have her independence, I get that those are some factors for a person feeling down. But I really don't see how that is the cause of all troubles.

Maybe she already had previous problems which, in time have build up with the current events.

I don't know what do you wanna do or what solution you want then, but all I'm saying is. When she gets home or you get home, sit down the two of you and have one long conversation without any room for hiding any feelings.

Sit in front of a table and spend some time letting her and you get everything out of your chest. Be sincere. If she asks you if she hurt you don't be afraid to say the truth but in the meantime reassure her that it's not that big of a deal.

There isn't much you can do, but by having this long conversation you can let her know that everything is alright and you're there. Like you said once there is no use constantly remembering people of bad things, show her you moved on by doing stuff that makes you feel happy. Don't get constantly involved in what's going on in her head. Have the talk, give her space to get her feelings together and realize on her own that you're there. Just don't fall in in her circle of overthinking and depression.

Of course she's not using you but you can't let her depression drag your life either, you have to get things clear with her and tell her what you also need and want for your life. That's why you need to have a long talk with her and figure that out and what both of you guys want. The reason why you're feeling upset is because things are staying the same and you don't know what to do.

Well, start by that. What you say to her, well that's completely up to you. Like you said I don't know her.