Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[MaverickIB]

I've already done what you've said. We've already sat down and talked about it, letting everything out. She did have previous problems before she met me, she was a loner, never really had a friend she could open up to (pretty much the same way I am/was, except she isn't that way out of narcissism), but becoming friends with me helped her out of that. She was legitimately happy with me, then she fucked it up (so she thinks). That's why she's beating herself up, she thinks she's destined to be that weird loner girl nobody talks to because she doesn't think she'll ever meet someone like me/herself again.

She isn't dragging me down in the slightest. Yeah, it bothers me and I worry about her because she's my friend, but I'm not putting anything on hold for her. I still go out on dates with other girls, hang out with my friends, the whole shebang. I didn't mean to imply I've put everything on hold and just spend my days consoling her.

[ScoutKing]

I think its nice hes helping her out, but when she is able to, she needs to get out asap.
Her sleeping with you, and being around you 24/7, when she feels guilty every time she even looks your way does not help her at ALL.
Stop sleeping with her/sharing a bed is a good start if she cant leave ASAP.

[MaverickIB]

I apologize if I hadn't made it clear enough or whatever, but like I've been saying, she feels worse when she [i]isn't[/i] around me. Hanging out and stuff takes her mind off of it. It's when she's at work, I'm at work, or we're generally apart when it creeps back up on her.

[Boss]

Sounds obsessive.

[MaverickIB]

I would agree if she was pointing it out every time, but it's important to keep in mind she isn't telling me what's going on or anything like that most of the time. I pick up on it happening out of intuition, if anything she tries to hide it.

I can't blame her for not wanting to lose a good friend. I was the same way when my brother had cancer, whenever I wasn't around him, it reminded me of how alone I was and, once his health really deteriorated, how I was going to be alone for good.

The difference here is, when my brother had cancer, there was a legitimate threat of me losing him. With her, her self-esteem has degraded to such an extreme point, she believes there's a threat of her losing me even though there isn't. The more I think about it, the more I think just holding out and letting time play its part (her realizing I'm not going anywhere) is the only thing I can do.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40926358]I apologize if I hadn't made it clear enough or whatever, but like I've been saying, she feels worse when she [i]isn't[/i] around me. Hanging out and stuff takes her mind off of it. It's when she's at work, I'm at work, or we're generally apart when it creeps back up on her.[/QUOTE]

It is true it can creep back up while she isn't around you, but you being the main thing in her life and always around her is going to make it come up more. Always being around doesn't really give her a chance to get away from it and over it.

[Zinayzen]

You're in a tough position, man. Best of luck to you.

[ScoutKing]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;40926358]I apologize if I hadn't made it clear enough or whatever, but like I've been saying, she feels worse when she [i]isn't[/i] around me. Hanging out and stuff takes her mind off of it. It's when she's at work, I'm at work, or we're generally apart when it creeps back up on her.[/QUOTE]

You can't be with her your whole life to help her not feel sad/guility.
She needs to learn to accept what she did, not feel shameful about it anymore, and function without your presence, and the first step in that is she leaves.
To be honest though, her guilt shouldn't be your concern, she cheated on you, let her feel guilty and get over it on her own, you've done enough by letting her stay with you and not being homeless/couch surfing.

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

So i finished high school today.
This is a weird feeling. Starting over-practically now, and starting over 100% in 3 months as well. Shit it just occurred to me ill be re-locating my self 3-4 times in the next 12 months or so.

[MIR]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;40923572]Cheating is not the kind of thing that's hard to forgive, she's just making a huge mess out of it for no reason. [/QUOTE]

That's a little bit subjective.

For some people it is entirely unforgivable and a very powerful destructive force.

[Rhenae]

My boyfriend ruined my pudding :c he read the instructions wrong and put water instead of milk.
No pudding for me :c

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40932504]My boyfriend ruined my pudding :c he read the instructions wrong and put water instead of milk.
No pudding for me :c[/QUOTE]

Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight, this is unforgivable.

[Xonax]

-snip-

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40932504]My boyfriend ruined my pudding :c he read the instructions wrong and put water instead of milk.
No pudding for me :c[/QUOTE]

10/10 boyfriend would bang a+

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

And maverick do you think the issue is that she doesnt believe you've forgiven her, or she's beating herself up because she holds herself to a higher standard than cheating on anyone - and the reason she's so upset isnt only because she's disgusted with herself for hurting you but also disgusted with herself for sinking as low as that in her eyes and you stand as a reminder of the time she did that?

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;40932504]My boyfriend ruined my pudding :c he read the instructions wrong and put water instead of milk.
No pudding for me :c[/QUOTE]

this is why i don't cook dinner ever unless it's like pasta or something
i'm dyslexic, every time i've ever had to read a recipe i've fucked up something, putting the opposite measurements of ingredients in etc
and it gets to me a lot because i always fuck up when i cook

[Loopoo]

Scrap reading recipes, learn first hand from someone. It's what I did when I moved out, my mum taught me a fucktonne of recipes over the course of a week before I left. Not a single sheet of paper was exchanged, and I can still cook the stuff she showed me, despite it being almost two years later!

Bumped into a friend yesterday in the supermarket. Haven't seen him since last Summer. Was going to say hi, but I looked a state, and I said "fuck that" and did a 180 degree turn and speed-walked into random aisles in the hope of not bumping into him again. He was with his little sister and I ended up bumping into him again, and I went to say "Hey man, long time!" but my throat unconsciously clenched and I just went "Hmm!" and walked past. Looking back, it was pretty hilarious. Thankfully, I think he was so absorbed in hunting down the sweets his little sister wanted, he didn't notice me.

Will most likely message him later in the week and ask if he's up for hanging out.

[Xonax]

I just realized something scary. The girl I like is going to a festival tomorrow, and so I asked my mom if my best friend can sleep over tomorrow. She then said that he is going to the Festival the girl I like is going to.
Now, my Best Friend goes to the same Highschool as the girl I like. It is possible that they could be dating each other. This is fucking scary man.
Plus my gut has been giving me weird emotions, like saying that she might like one of my friend. I just ignored it.
Also I am scared on the outcome, what happens if they are dating? What if they aren't? I am scared to find out.

How is this scary? Well it is because I usually look into this type of stuff and I would realize something and connect two and two together.

Also should I go to the festival tomorrow? My best friend is going and he might sleep over after.

[Dysentery]

[QUOTE=Xonax;40934961]I just realized something scary. The girl I like is going to a festival tomorrow, and so I asked my mom if my best friend can sleep over tomorrow. She then said that he is going to the Festival the girl I like is going to.
Now, my Best Friend goes to the same Highschool as the girl I like. It is possible that they could be dating each other. This is fucking scary man.
Plus my gut has been giving me weird emotions, like saying that she might like one of my friend. I just ignored it.
Also I am scared on the outcome, what happens if they are dating? What if they aren't? I am scared to find out.

How is this scary? Well it is because I usually look into this type of stuff and I would realize something and connect two and two together.

Also should I go to the festival tomorrow? My best friend is going and he might sleep over after.[/QUOTE]

wait so are there like any hints at all that they're dating or are you concluding that because they're going to the same festival they're dating??

[Zinayzen]

if two people go to the same place and they have opposite genitals they're dating

god you're so old fashioned

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Xonax;40934961]I just realized something scary. The girl I like is going to a festival tomorrow, and so I asked my mom if my best friend can sleep over tomorrow. She then said that he is going to the Festival the girl I like is going to.
Now, my Best Friend goes to the same Highschool as the girl I like. It is possible that they could be dating each other. This is fucking scary man.
Plus my gut has been giving me weird emotions, like saying that she might like one of my friend. I just ignored it.
Also I am scared on the outcome, what happens if they are dating? What if they aren't? I am scared to find out.

How is this scary? Well it is because I usually look into this type of stuff and I would realize something and connect two and two together.

Also should I go to the festival tomorrow? My best friend is going and he might sleep over after.[/QUOTE]

Wait what the fuck? How in the world did you make that connection? Two people are going to the same event and also go to the same school. What in the world do they have to do with eachother?

Not to sound mean spirited but, literally, what?? Even if he was, like Yahnich said, deal with it. It means nothing, it means your friend and a girl you liked are in a probably happy relationship. You be happy for them and move on. Otherwise, if you DON'T want that to happen, for someone else to ask her out, you, once again, nut the fuck up, and ask her out yourself. If you're already friends or have some way of contacting her, it wouldn't be a terrible idea to actually ask to go to the festival WITH her.

[Xonax]

[QUOTE=riku2211;40940926]Wait what the fuck? How in the world did you make that connection? Two people are going to the same event and also go to the same school. What in the world do they have to do with eachother?

Not to sound mean spirited but, literally, what?? Even if he was, like Yahnich said, deal with it. It means nothing, it means your friend and a girl you liked are in a probably happy relationship. You be happy for them and move on. Otherwise, if you DON'T want that to happen, for someone else to ask her out, you, once again, nut the fuck up, and ask her out yourself. If you're already friends or have some way of contacting her, it wouldn't be a terrible idea to actually ask to go to the festival WITH her.[/QUOTE]

I never said I didn't want them to date, I have no idea how you got that from my comment.

[Dysentery]

[QUOTE=Xonax;40943207]I never said I didn't want them to date, I have no idea how you got that from my comment.[/QUOTE]

you still haven't said if there's hints or if you're just concluding for yourself

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Xonax;40943207]I never said I didn't want them to date, I have no idea how you got that from my comment.[/QUOTE]

I didn't, really, its just the fact that you find it scary. I shouldn't be scary if you don't not want them to date.

[dmillerw]

-snip-

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40944988]Friend and her BF are breaking up in a week, and while I'm all set to get her out of the house and just help her through all this, she still seems (at least to me) reluctant to accept my help, or really open up.

Maybe it's just me, but I do still get a lot of short responses from her, and just a lot of things that to me point to a lack of interest or willingness to interact with me much. But other times, she's happy to talk, go fishing with me, etc.

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

For fucks sake... she just posted this on his wall. She's doing the exact opposite of what she needs to be doing, and it's going to tear her apart in the end.

[IMG]http://puu.sh/3aQnT.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

Your acting like she is going to be completely happy to be breaking up with him? Of course she might not be completely up to hang out and she might not be happy your so gung ho about it either. Why are they breaking up again?

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40944988]Friend and her BF are breaking up in a week, and while I'm all set to get her out of the house and just help her through all this, she still seems (at least to me) reluctant to accept my help, or really open up.

Maybe it's just me, but I do still get a lot of short responses from her, and just a lot of things that to me point to a lack of interest or willingness to interact with me much. But other times, she's happy to talk, go fishing with me, etc.

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

For fucks sake... she just posted this on his wall. She's doing the exact opposite of what she needs to be doing, and it's going to tear her apart in the end.[/QUOTE]

guess what, breakups are hard. if i remember right they're breaking up because of distance, it's not like they're ending it because it's a shitty relationship (going on what you posted before). so it's going to hurt.
and just because you want to help doesn't mean that you keeping her company is going to magically make all of her sorrow go away. stop blaming her for having emotions and don't expect her to want your help if you can't even respect what she's going through.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40944988]Friend and her BF are breaking up in a week, and while [B]I'm all set to get her out of the house and just help her through all this, she still seems (at least to me) reluctant to accept my help, or really open up.[/B]

Maybe it's just me, [B]but I do still get a lot of short responses from her, and just a lot of things that to me point to a lack of interest or willingness to interact with me much[/B]. But other times, she's happy to talk, go fishing with me, etc.

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

For fucks sake... she just posted this on his wall. She's doing the exact opposite of what she needs to be doing, and it's going to tear her apart in the end.

[IMG]http://puu.sh/3aQnT.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

maybe because she's not interested in you

i'll hang out and talk with my friends but if i'm not really interested(including as a close friend) in them i won't write long messages or have a deep conversation or anything i don't imagine she's any different

and you don't go to people to help them, especially not plan out how you're going to help them, they come to you and ask for help

you never force help on someone who doesn't want it unless they're dying or something comparable

[Leader of Me]

My girlfriend and I are on a break, her parents read through her messages and said that if she wants to see me she can find a new place to live. We are going on a break so she can get her shit sorted with her parents and she can sort out her other issues, she said that she still loves me and I hope that a couple of months down the line that is still true, any advice guys?

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;40944988]Friend and her BF are breaking up in a week, and while I'm all set to get her out of the house and just help her through all this, she still seems (at least to me) reluctant to accept my help, or really open up.

Maybe it's just me, but I do still get a lot of short responses from her, and just a lot of things that to me point to a lack of interest or willingness to interact with me much. But other times, she's happy to talk, go fishing with me, etc.

[editline]7th June 2013[/editline]

For fucks sake... she just posted this on his wall. She's doing the exact opposite of what she needs to be doing, and it's going to tear her apart in the end.

[IMG]http://puu.sh/3aQnT.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

I think we'd all be in a better position if we looked at what we were doing from an outsider's perspective

Are you seriously hounding after a girl who has just lost her boyfriend and is immensely sad about it?

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=Leader of Me;40946837]My girlfriend and I are on a break, her parents read through her messages and said that if she wants to see me she can find a new place to live. We are going on a break so she can get her shit sorted with her parents and she can sort out her other issues, she said that she still loves me and I hope that a couple of months down the line that is still true, any advice guys?[/QUOTE]

I've no advice, but parents who invade their children's privacy fucking suck.

If any of my family members rooted through my personal belongings, I'd lose my shit.

[Leader of Me]

[QUOTE=loopoo;40946894]I've no advice, but parents who invade their children's privacy fucking suck.

If any of my family members rooted through my personal belongings, I'd lose my shit.[/QUOTE]

It really is shit, we're both over 18 anyway and they still treat her like she's a baby. They are Mormon so they are under a strict law of chastity and her parents don't want us doing anything, they are very overbearing. Some of the messages they read weren't even that bad and they flipped the shit, my girlfriend feels like it is our faults we are in this mess even though I don't agree. She said that she won't lose feelings for me but I'm scared.