Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;41119343]This is why I don't understand why like 90% of facepunch openly hate facebook when it makes talking to people so easy.

Then I remember 90% of facepunch probably never leave the house.[/QUOTE]

Facebook is super useful especially if you don't leave your house : D Its certainly saved me from my mom calling me daily to inform me of every little detail of what they do every day since I moved out :v:
Most people who hate facebook do because they are younger (or at least still immature) teens who haven't quite gotten over their superiority complex yet.

[vlad]

I stumbled upon my ex today and we had a talk. I'm not lying when I say that I cried more than a little baby. I feel really awkward about it because my crying didn't do me any good anyway. Been thinking of taking my own life due to feeling so lonely...

Before I met my ex, I only sat inside and had no friends. I'm still confused over why she decided to like me out of everyone out there. And now that I have had a taste of how life outside my house is I'm afraid to go back. She have been the closest thing I have ever had. The only person who have truly cared about me. The more I realize that, the more water is fueled to my eyes.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41119944]I stumbled upon my ex today and we had a talk. I'm not lying when I say that I cried more than a little baby. I feel really awkward about it because my crying didn't do me any good anyway. Been thinking of taking my own life due to feeling so lonely...

Before I met my ex, I only sat inside and had no friends. I'm still confused over why she decided to like me out of everyone out there. And now that I have had a taste of how life outside my house is I'm afraid to go back. She have been the closest thing I have ever had. The only person who have truly cared about me. The more I realize that, the more water is fueled to my eyes.[/QUOTE]

I think you need to remember she isn't the only person who every cared about you. Im sure your family care and im sure you have had other friends. Not everyone shows it as openly but other people did and do care, and other people will in the future :) Just something to work towards. You don't have to go back to being a basement dweller, take the experience and use it to help you stay out there.

Hell I care and I've never even met you. >:T

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;41120104]I think you need to remember she isn't the only person who every cared about you. Im sure your family care and im sure you have had other friends. Not everyone shows it as openly but other people did and do care, and other people will in the future :) Just something to work towards. You don't have to go back to being a basement dweller, take the experience and use it to help you stay out there.

Hell I care and I've never even met you. >:T[/QUOTE]

Your post gave my tears a spoonful of happiness. I wish I had friends like you around me. :v:

It's really tough to be honest. Who I would consider my closest friend at the moment is pretty much a basement dweller like I used to be. Not only that, but whenever I invite him out to do shit together he always says no. Never does he contact me either. He's giving me a lot of signals which makes me concerned and curious. Is he really that good of a friend? I don't think so. So I pretty much gave up on in.

Another guy I know seems to be a lot more plausible as a good friend than my other friend is. I've yet to see how it turns out though. I don't really know him well enough to just run outside and be a friend of him.

I have no idea why but I started thinking of some random good time me and my ex had not too long ago. I was helping her with some homework she was doing and we had a pretty good time together while doing so. This is really depressing. :v:

Also, is it wrong of me to still be really sexually attracted to my ex? I got really sexually frustrated when I saw her today. We used to have sex on nearly a daily basis before we broke up.

[dmillerw]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41120274]Your post gave my tears a spoonful of happiness. I wish I had friends like you around me. :v:

It's really tough to be honest. Who I would consider my closest friend at the moment is pretty much a basement dweller like I used to be. Not only that, but whenever I invite him out to do shit together he always says no. Never does he contact me either. He's giving me a lot of signals which makes me concerned and curious. Is he really that good of a friend? I don't think so. So I pretty much gave up on in.

Another guy I know seems to be a lot more plausible as a good friend than my other friend is. I've yet to see how it turns out though. I don't really know him well enough to just run outside and be a friend of him.

[B]I have no idea why but I started thinking of some random good time me and my ex had not too long ago. I was helping her with some homework she was doing and we had a pretty good time together while doing so. This is really depressing[/B]. :v:[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, this is an incredibly common thing. I went through a similar break up a few months ago, and I definitely dwelled on it a lot. I sometimes still do, but you get used to it and learn to think of them more as simple memories, to the point where they just don't affect you much anymore.

[QUOTE=PredGD;41120274][B]Also, is it wrong of me to still be really sexually attracted to my ex? I got really sexually frustrated when I saw her today. We used to have sex on nearly a daily basis before we broke up.[/B][/QUOTE]

Not in the slightest. A lot of people think sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction, and I think that's completely true. Hell, I'm still sexually attracted to my ex, even though it's been over four months now.

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41119944]I stumbled upon my ex today and we had a talk. I'm not lying when I say that I cried more than a little baby. I feel really awkward about it because my crying didn't do me any good anyway. Been thinking of taking my own life due to feeling so lonely...

Before I met my ex, I only sat inside and had no friends. I'm still confused over why she decided to like me out of everyone out there. And now that I have had a taste of how life outside my house is I'm afraid to go back. She have been the closest thing I have ever had. The only person who have truly cared about me. The more I realize that, the more water is fueled to my eyes.[/QUOTE]

Man, what the fuck? Why are you me.

It's been the same with me. I was unhappy sitting around and playing video games before I met my ex, and now that she's gone I'm back to that again and it's just worse because now I know what it's like to actually be happy, and I only want that back. I feel like my life has no real purpose or anything and, well, yeah. Suicide actually sounds pretty nice, except the fact I actually have no way to do it. At least I wouldn't feel the way I do anymore. Feels like a constant weight in my chest that's never really gone, I'm just not paying attention to it sometimes. And it was weird, when my ex and I were talking again we also started hugging as we said goodbye, and during those hugs were the only times I ever felt like that weight was lifted if only for a few brief moments.

I also feel the same that no one cares about me. I already made a huge post a while back where I guess I kinda detailed that but all things considered I truly believe there are only a couple people who actually care about me, my sister and her boyfriend. Otherwise, my parents are rather disconnected and I don't feel like they have any reason to care. My dad a little less so, but it still just doesn't totally feel like it. When I go and do stuff with my dad and sister, I feel like if I wasn't there nothing would be different. And well, my mom is kind of a child.

Only person who convinced me she cared was my ex, and also the only girl who's ever cared enough to actually approach me and befriend me and everything. But, now she doesn't care, so, guess it doesn't much matter. I don't feel like I'll ever have anything like that again. It was practically luck that I met her, I mean, we were friends few years ago, not super close friends but we hung out after school sometimes, as there was a little group of us that got out early (went in early for a 'zero hour'), then she talked to me again with the intention of asking me out. And I mean, then when she got to really know me she wanted out. Seems more like she was just desperate for love, or simply didn't know me well enough. I can't really expect to find anything like that again, nor can I expect it to last.

[QUOTE=PredGD;41120274]Your post gave my tears a spoonful of happiness. I wish I had friends like you around me. :v:

It's really tough to be honest. Who I would consider my closest friend at the moment is pretty much a basement dweller like I used to be. Not only that, but whenever I invite him out to do shit together he always says no. Never does he contact me either. He's giving me a lot of signals which makes me concerned and curious. Is he really that good of a friend? I don't think so. So I pretty much gave up on in.

Another guy I know seems to be a lot more plausible as a good friend than my other friend is. I've yet to see how it turns out though. I don't really know him well enough to just run outside and be a friend of him.

I have no idea why but I started thinking of some random good time me and my ex had not too long ago. I was helping her with some homework she was doing and we had a pretty good time together while doing so. This is really depressing. :v:

Also, is it wrong of me to still be really sexually attracted to my ex? I got really sexually frustrated when I saw her today. We used to have sex on nearly a daily basis before we broke up.[/QUOTE]

My best friend at the moment is not really a basement dweller but he certainly isn't a go outside type of person, and he also lives across the country. As of late he's been kind of an ass not gonna lie and I've questioned in the past (and now) how good of a friend he really is. I mean, when I started dating my ex and wasn't online that often he would actually get mad at me for spending so much time away, it didn't seem to occur to him that I was actually happy. He got over it eventually but it's been sort of a recurring thing where I don't really know how much of a friend he is. My real life friends are all too different from me, plus the fact that for the most part they aren't very "lets go hang-out" types (though we have been lately, every friday a few of us have gotten together and it's been a nice change though I don't expect it to last much longer), so it's hard to be good friends with them. I don't really even feel like I know my best friend IRL anymore, he hangs out with mostly other people now and hanging out with him (usually theres one of his other friends around along with him) tends to be mostly bad sex jokes and talking about Reddit.

Like, I would say that I have at least 3 people who truly care about me, which would sometimes make me feel better about shit, but now my friend who's being an ass went so far as to remove me from Steam, though we have communicated a bit about playing a game within our group through another friend, so I don't know. Even if he re-adds me, like I said, I'm not really sure if he's such a good friend, and I don't know if I'd accept.

Also I don't think it's wrong really. I am, but whenever I think about that I feel kind of bad and just think about how I'd gladly give up that sort of thing if I could actually be with her still. Been really wishing she'd talk to me lately. Just, about anything, really.

Seems like I can relate to everything you say, except you're probably a little less dramatic/depressing. Every time you post I feel the need to reply with a wall of just-barely-related text :v: It's nice to vent. Haven't been able to much without her around.

[vlad]

I'm really baffled by the similarity of our situation. :v:
lots of comfort in it as well. That means neither of are in unusual situations and we'll most likely recover one day! It's people like you I'd love to have around me and be friends with. Why do you have to live on the opposite side of earth compared to me?! :v:

[♠️♥️♦️♣️]

i got way too bummed out over the fact how my semi-girlfriend-thing (we date idk) blatantly talked about how attractive some guy is that'll be at a party with us tomorrow

it makes me feel like i have to fucking compete or some shit

[Fire Kracker]

it does

but it really means nothing, don't worry

my gf does it too but it just means i can check out other girls and not worry about it(and if it hurts her she'll know how i feel)

[♠️♥️♦️♣️]

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41122126]it does

but it really means nothing, don't worry

my gf does it too but it just means i can check out other girls and not worry about it(and if it hurts her she'll know how i feel)[/QUOTE]

that's basically what i was thinking since i realized i'm being p hypocritical

it's just that i haven't seen this girl in two weeks and i'm not going to see her for another week after this so our relationship isn't really the strongest atm

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Yahnich;41110500]did u ever discover why she was being so weird

[editline]20th June 2013[/editline]

i just saw my title fuck you disseminate i am never talking to you on steam ever again[/QUOTE]

no idea but considering our general relationship history I think she probably just enjoyed the power trip

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=Mobon1;41122046]i got way too bummed out over the fact how my [B]semi-girlfriend-thing [/B](we date idk) blatantly talked about how attractive some guy is that'll be at a party with us tomorrow

it makes me feel like i have to fucking compete or some shit[/QUOTE]

You're definitely still competing at least a little, but again it isn't anything to worry yourself over, just keep being you

[Leader of Me]

Thanks guys, her mum is sort of cool with it but her dads been avoiding her and not talking to her, I'm going to be there to support her.

[Bread Dog]

Ive had a rough couple of months. My ex broke up with me because she 'couldnt handle it' and ignored me for weeks while I tried to fix it (Stupid) and later admitted she wanted a baby and since I wouldnt give her it she ditched me.

My mind has been fucked since but I cut all communication, social networks etc... and she ended up getting a new 26 year old boyfriend with a child (shes 18) and last night karma appeared to take its course. Her parents thoroughly disapprove, hate him and her and she had to leave last night crying and hysterical because of it.

Ill be honest, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing she is now having a horrible time in her personal life much like my past few months has allowed me to move on I think. I find it kinda funny, im not a bad person right?

[Jauho]

[QUOTE=Mobon1;41122275]that's basically what i was thinking since i realized i'm being p hypocritical

it's just that i haven't seen this girl in two weeks and i'm not going to see her for another week after this so our relationship isn't really the strongest atm[/QUOTE]
go see her duh

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=Bread Dog;41125733]Ive had a rough couple of months. My ex broke up with me because she 'couldnt handle it' and ignored me for weeks while I tried to fix it (Stupid) and later admitted she wanted a baby and since I wouldnt give her it she ditched me.

My mind has been fucked since but I cut all communication, social networks etc... and she ended up getting a new 26 year old boyfriend with a child (shes 18) and last night karma appeared to take its course. Her parents thoroughly disapprove, hate him and her and she had to leave last night crying and hysterical because of it.

Ill be honest, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing she is now having a horrible time in her personal life much like my past few months has allowed me to move on I think. I find it kinda funny, im not a bad person right?[/QUOTE]

I think taking pleasure from how horrible her life has become is taking it too far.

[Rhenae]

Hngg 1 hour till I have to head off to an interview at Future Shop. Anxiety WOO.

edit:
avatar fits.

Edit:
Alright well here I go, maybe I'll let you guys know how I did if I don't have a heart attack first :v:

[AltUser]

So I lost the girl I love last week, and today I wanted to try and get back with her again. She still loves me and she misses me, but she's stubborn that she doesn't want to be with me. The reason is I wasn't the best person to be in a relationship before, and I used to tell her I'd change, but I ended up going back.
And now she thinks I won't be a nice guy again, and doesn't want to go through it again, but I know I will treat her right. I really want to be with her, and I will not be able to get over her, I really need a way that I can convince her that I'm a good guy again, I just feel so heartbroken right now.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41128073]So I lost the girl I love last week, and today I wanted to try and get back with her again. She still loves me and she misses me, but she's stubborn that she doesn't want to be with me. The reason is I wasn't the best person to be in a relationship before, and I used to tell her I'd change, but I ended up going back.
And now she thinks I won't be a nice guy again, and doesn't want to go through it again, but I know I will treat her right. I really want to be with her, and I will not be able to get over her, I really need a way that I can convince her that I'm a good guy again, I just feel so heartbroken right now.[/QUOTE]

If she doesn't want to then your done. Take your dignity and the lesson you've learned and move on, treat the next girl right.
You can't force her to believe you if you said it and didn't too many times shes just done.

edit:
Also look I survived my interview! It went neither particularly good nor bad from what I could tell but oh well. Guess i'll wait a week to see if I GET A SECOND INTERVIEW GOD DAMN YOU PEOPLE WHY. WHYYYYYYYYY.

[vlad]

Not really asking for help for this one, but I'm pretty confused over it.

Yesterday I would be on the edge of crying all day long because of my ex. Today I have barely thought of her and when I do, I don't really care. Of course that is a good thing, I hope, but I'm really confused over how I just simply don't care about it anymore. Or, time will tell if I still care but right now I couldn't care less about her.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41128986]Not really asking for help for this one, but I'm pretty confused over it.

Yesterday I would be on the edge of crying all day long because of my ex. Today I have barely thought of her and when I do, I don't really care. Of course that is a good thing, I hope, but I'm really confused over how I just simply don't care about it anymore. Or, time will tell if I still care but right now I couldn't care less about her.[/QUOTE]

As I have previously stated in this or sex and gf thread crying helps, it releases hormones and is actually one of the best ways to get over what is bothering you. Its probably what its sort of for.

[vlad]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;41129069]As I have previously stated in this or sex and gf thread crying helps, it releases hormones and is actually one of the best ways to get over what is bothering you. Its probably what its sort of for.[/QUOTE]

I remember you mentioning it here earlier but I never got around to cry before yesterday. :v:
It feels pretty good actually. I still feel that little heart attack I get when I check my social networks as I'm afraid of seeing her, but it's not as bad as it used to be. Maybe I've just realized that she is a lost cause? Getting back together with her won't work out anyway and the chances of us even getting back together are fairly slim. Combination of crying and what I just said in have probably lifted all the weight off of my shoulders. Only one day of this have passed, so I've yet to see if the thought of her still bothers me in the future but this feeling right now makes me motivated for the time ahead. I feel so mature in every aspect, like I've grown old and learned a lot. :v:

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41128073]So I lost the girl I love last week, and today I wanted to try and get back with her again. She still loves me and she misses me, but she's stubborn that she doesn't want to be with me. The reason is I wasn't the best person to be in a relationship before, and I used to tell her I'd change, but I ended up going back.
And now she thinks I won't be a nice guy again, and doesn't want to go through it again, but I know I will treat her right. I really want to be with her, and I will not be able to get over her, I really need a way that I can convince her that I'm a good guy again, I just feel so heartbroken right now.[/QUOTE]

You feel bad right now, but imagine how she feels when she's with you, Empathy dude

There's definitely times when other's best interests conflict with your own, but then maybe she's not in your best interests at all if your relationship doesn't work

[AltUser]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;41128899]If she doesn't want to then your done. Take your dignity and the lesson you've learned and move on, treat the next girl right.
You can't force her to believe you if you said it and didn't too many times shes just done.
[/QUOTE]

I guess what I plan on doing is just being her friend, and go back to the person who she fell in love with, and in time she will recognise that. Is that a good plan?

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41129276]I guess what I plan on doing is just being her friend, and go back to the person who she fell in love with, and in time she will recognise that. Is that a good plan?[/QUOTE]

Did she fall in love with a person that you constructed for her to love? If you keep "going back" to old ways, either you have growing to do, or you're not being genuine

[Metallics]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41129276]I guess what I plan on doing is just being her friend, and go back to the person who she fell in love with, and in time she will recognise that. Is that a good plan?[/QUOTE]

No.

This is a good plan:
[QUOTE=Rhenae;41128899]If she doesn't want to then your done. Take your dignity and the lesson you've learned and move on, treat the next girl right.
You can't force her to believe you if you said it and didn't too many times shes just done.[/QUOTE]

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41129276]I guess what I plan on doing is just being her friend, and go back to the person who she fell in love with, and in time she will recognise that. Is that a good plan?[/QUOTE]

Be her friend if you want to but DON'T be her friend with the intention of getting back with her, its false, manipulative, and most of all is extremely unlikely to work, therefore being a waste of both of your times and effort.

[AltUser]

[QUOTE=babyarm-bat;41129334]Did she fall in love with a person that you constructed for her to love? If you keep "going back" to old ways, either you have growing to do, or you're not being genuine[/QUOTE]

It was the normal me who she fell in love with, but a few months back I started being depressed and that was the main deal-breaker because I eventually became lonely, jealous of her friends, and I was also clingy. But now I am going to take some time to just start from scratch with her.

[editline]21st June 2013[/editline]

She says she still has feelings for me and she misses me a lot.

And the only thing stopping her from being with me is the fear that I'll change back.

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=AltUser;41130060]It was the normal me who she fell in love with, but a few months back I started being depressed and that was the main deal-breaker because I eventually became lonely, jealous of her friends, and I was also clingy. But now I am going to take some time to just start from scratch with her.

[editline]21st June 2013[/editline]

She says she still has feelings for me and she misses me a lot.

And the only thing stopping her from being with me is the fear that I'll change back.[/QUOTE]

I can... kind of relate to this, though.

One of the reasons my ex broke up with me I think was because I'd go through these bouts of depression during which I'd be similarly moody and clingy, and she said she couldn't deal with that (I can't remember what exactly she said, but at the time neither of us had really identified it as depression I think).

Anyway, then when I started talking to her again and we became friends she said she had started to have feelings for me again, though in the end she saw that she only felt those things when she was immediately with me (not sure if that's really a bad thing?) and decided she didn't want to get back together, as we had decided we'd either get back together or cut off communication for the most part (because I still had feelings and she was confused).

Point is, I was being a different person and she still had some feelings for me. You can be her friend, but I suggest not with the intention of getting back with her. That was never my intention. If your feelings get in the way, then put some distance between you. You don't want to make her life that much more confusing. If she decides in the end to try again, then great. You can't force that. Frankly, I think you may be in the right. She loves and misses you but doesn't want you to be that person. If you can genuinely change, there's no real reason to leave her like that. [B]If[/B] you can truly change. You need to take steps to make sure that you won't become that person again if you're going to get back together with her. Regardless, like I said, if you're going to befriend her do it with the assumption that you're probably not going to get back together. You just have to be mature about it, and let what has to happen happen.

[AltUser]

[QUOTE=riku2211;41130493]I can... kind of relate to this, though.

One of the reasons my ex broke up with me I think was because I'd go through these bouts of depression during which I'd be similarly moody and clingy, and she said she couldn't deal with that (I can't remember what exactly she said, but at the time neither of us had really identified it as depression I think).

Anyway, then when I started talking to her again and we became friends she said she had started to have feelings for me again, though in the end she saw that she only felt those things when she was immediately with me (not sure if that's really a bad thing?) and decided she didn't want to get back together, as we had decided we'd either get back together or cut off communication for the most part (because I still had feelings and she was confused).

Point is, I was being a different person and she still had some feelings for me. You can be her friend, but I suggest not with the intention of getting back with her. That was never my intention. If your feelings get in the way, then put some distance between you. You don't want to make her life that much more confusing. If she decides in the end to try again, then great. You can't force that. Frankly, I think you may be in the right. She loves and misses you but doesn't want you to be that person. If you can genuinely change, there's no real reason to leave her like that. [B]If[/B] you can truly change. You need to take steps to make sure that you won't become that person again if you're going to get back together with her. Regardless, like I said, if you're going to befriend her do it with the assumption that you're probably not going to get back together. You just have to be mature about it, and let what has to happen happen.[/QUOTE]

Thanks a lot man, that was really helpful. I am going to be her friend, but I'm not going to talk to her as often as I'm trying to gain my own independence now. But we will still spend time together every so often so she can see that I'm the person she loves again. I have also started to identify the things that make me upset with her, and I'm working towards tackling them. In the end, I am doing this for me just as much as her, and if we do not get back together, at least I will know I am better off for future relationships.
What you said was really what I needed to hear, so thank you!

Right now all I am planning on is self-improvement, as I think it is the right thing to do.