Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41202817]no matter what decide to call your emotions, being selfish and caring more about how a person can benefit you than how they personally feel toward your relationship isn't something to glorify.
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
and as a teenager the areas of your brain associated with logical thought processes and the ability to feel empathy for others aren't fully developed yet. so it's very unlikely someone still in high school has genuinely felt love for another person at that point in their life.[/QUOTE]
Selfish? I'm upset over the fact that the relationship ended, does that make me selfish? I respect that she has moved away from me even though it hurts, real love or not.
My feelings are weird right now, I miss my girlfriend. But I really am happy of the times we had, even if right now she is being a complete bitch to me.
The feeling of falling asleep alone and not being able to just go and hug someone who means a lot to you in a romantic way... That is what is affecting me in particular right now, the physical love.
[QUOTE=thisispain;41202948]im in my 20s and i know for a fact ive never loved any girl.
every relationship ive had has been because i had a romantic ideal of what was supposed to happen, a romanticisation of a "wild love", and if i found someone i could project that onto i'd pursue them, regardless of what their actual personality is.[/quote]
i wasn't only referring to romantic love, but being able to genuinely care for another person instead of just worrying about how they can benefit you.
[QUOTE=thisispain;41202948]i dont think ill really experience love until this romantic notion of what it should be dies off and gets replaced with guarded cynicism instead[/QUOTE]
it's funny you say that. my boyfriend and i were both incredibly cynical when we first met and became interested in each other. since we were initially long distance we spent months trying to get over each other, eventually decided to meet in person to see if things would work out. we were both always expecting our relationship to fail for one reason or another.
i just hate going to the grocery store alone
a date with me at the grocery store oh boy its like carrot top and jerry seinfeld doing a comedy duet non stop laugh party
[QUOTE=PredGD;41202951]Selfish? I'm upset over the fact that the relationship ended, does that make me selfish? I respect that she has moved away from me even though it hurts, real love or not.[/QUOTE]
it doesn't matter what you genuinely felt, all that matters is that you look at your feelings for what they are and not try to glorify them. if you truly care for her as a person and are able to be happy that she's happy then that's fine, but don't use something like love as a justification for your actions. all you can do now is move on.
So what I'm getting is that love is when you care for someone and want them to be happy. I still have no idea what infatuation is. People just seem to be throwing that word around.
How do you tell which is which? Isn't there a sort of paradox going on?
[editline]as[/editline]
"I think I love this girl!"
*Dr. Facepunch diagnoses them with infatuation*
"I feel so enlightened! I don't care about her anymore!"
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41203017]i wasn't only referring to romantic love, but being able to genuinely care for another person instead of just worrying about how they can benefit you.[/QUOTE]
well i mean i only cared about how they could benefit me by fulfilling this fantasy, i think thats a pretty selfish thing to do
everyone does it (right??)
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41203017]it's funny you say that. my boyfriend and i were both incredibly cynical when we first met and became interested in each other. since we were initially long distance we spent months trying to get over each other, eventually decided to meet in person to see if things would work out. we were both always expecting our relationship to fail for one reason or another.[/QUOTE]
yeah thats whats so weird, you skip a lot of the stupid infatuation bullshit because your body isnt really getting the same hormones it would get from a physical full contact relationship
considering how many shitty experiences ive had with romance ive had i should be a lot more cynical
but you know staying posi its a full time job
[QUOTE=fear me;41203091]So what I'm getting is that love is when you care for someone and want them to be happy. I still have no idea what infatuation is. People just seem to be throwing that word around.
How do you tell which is which? Isn't there a sort of paradox going on?[/QUOTE]
it really doesn't matter. all that matters is that people stop using "love" as a label to glorify the relationship they're in, or treating infatuation like a wrong emotion that automatically discredits a relationship.
it doesn't matter what word you decide to use, all that matters is whether you're using your partner for self-satisfaction or you care about their feelings toward the relationship.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41203060]it doesn't matter what you genuinely felt, all that matters is that you look at your feelings for what they are and not try to glorify them. if you truly care for her as a person and are able to be happy that she's happy then that's fine, but don't use something like love as a justification for your actions. all you can do now is move on.[/QUOTE]
By actions, do you mean me being depressed over her? I'm a little confused. I'm doing what I can to move on, but it's easier said than done. I've started hitting the gym, reestablished old friendships and generally doing my best to occupy my time.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41203170]By actions, do you mean me being depressed over her? I'm a little confused. I'm doing what I can to move on, but it's easier said than done. I've started hitting the gym, reestablished old friendships and generally doing my best to occupy my time.[/QUOTE]
okay, that's great then.
you don't need to justify your feelings for your ex to the internet. it won't change anything.
[QUOTE=fear me;41203091]So what I'm getting is that love is when you care for someone and want them to be happy. I still have no idea what infatuation is. People just seem to be throwing that word around.
How do you tell which is which? Isn't there a sort of paradox going on?
[editline]as[/editline]
"I think I love this girl!"
*Dr. Facepunch diagnoses them with infatuation*
"I feel so enlightened! I don't care about her anymore!"[/QUOTE]
idk love is just a word
infatuation is just the biological process that happens
i guess love is what the end "goal" is, or what we strive for, and we really want our infatuations to be that way and get frustrated when they dont
I approach relationships with a lot of cynicism. Not really on purpose, just do it naturally because of everything I've experienced and whatnot I guess. It's pretty interesting, like right now, one of the girls I've been dating is completely infatuated with me. If I felt the same way for her, I probably wouldn't even notice it. But since I actively try to fight the whole infatuation thing because I don't like how it clouds my judgement, it's really shed light on why some relationships might end.
It might not even be that one person's infatuation runs out and they suddenly notice all of their partners flaws, not wanting to be with them anymore. It might just be because it's pretty annoying being around someone who's infatuated with you when you aren't infatuated with them. I mean, there's no way this girl who's bonkers for me will see any of my flaws. She thinks I'm some perfect dude. And that's annoying as shit, sitting next to someone who sees you as something you aren't. I want to be seen and cared about as who I really am, not as some idealist fantasy Casanova.
So in these dudes who think their exes are perfect and whatnot, that might be what happened. Their exes got tired of being worshiped as some perfect individual. Maybe they wanted partners, not ass kissers. Refusal to see her flaws might be the precise reason why she left your stupid ass.
love is shouting and yelling and still being together after you're done without looking at eachother any differently than before you argued imo
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41203268]love is shouting and yelling and still being together after you're done without looking at eachother any differently than before you argued imo[/QUOTE]
that happens with infatutation too because u still want 2 get 2gether and bone
yeah but then they see each other's flaws afterwords and stuff in infatuation
love is like yeah i knew u were flawed the whole time it was nothing
idk i think it's pretty silly of us to sit around asking "is it love or infatuation?" because it really doesn't matter unless you're planning to propose or something
and love shouldn't be a justification for not being able to move on from a past relationship, whether or not you loved that person, sitting around and wondering whether what you felt was "pure" (by facepunch standards) isn't going to help you move forward with your life
and it shouldn't take someone's narrow definition of love to make you question whether or not your opinion of someone is skewed. just take a look at your feelings and ask whether you're being unrealistic. you don't need anyone but yourself to answer that question
all feelings are pure
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
though
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41203292]yeah but then they see each other's flaws afterwords and stuff in infatuation
love is like yeah i knew u were flawed the whole time it was nothing[/QUOTE]
maybe its love if during yr refractory period u look at your partner and go "woah shes pretty dope i wonder if she has a tumblr"
I never understood why people have "fights" like that. Yelling and screaming at each other. I've never felt compelled to yell at anyone I care about or respect. I mean, I've been mega ultra pissed off with those people before, but still didn't feel the need to yell like a child. It accomplishes nothing and is disrespectful. Especially if you claim to love someone, I can't see why yelling would ever even be an option.
[QUOTE=thisispain;41203350]maybe its love if during yr refractory period u look at your partner and go "woah shes pretty dope i wonder if she has a tumblr"[/QUOTE]
ye i always thot so too
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41203315]you don't need anyone but yourself to answer that question[/QUOTE]
welllll yeah in an ideal world people would be very self-reflective but looking at this thread its obvious not everyone is
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41203357]I never understood why people have "fights" like that. Yelling and screaming at each other. I've never felt compelled to yell at anyone I care about or respect. I mean, I've been mega ultra pissed off with those people before, but still didn't feel the need to yell like a child. It accomplishes nothing and is disrespectful. Especially if you claim to love someone, I can't see why yelling would ever even be an option.[/QUOTE]
people have pretty different ways of communicating things
with my ex we fought and yelled over the stupidest shit that didnt matter, like fighting over pop culture or literary terms
this is what happens when you have two stubborn people, but you know thats why were exes
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41203357]I never understood why people have "fights" like that. Yelling and screaming at each other. I've never felt compelled to yell at anyone I care about or respect. I mean, I've been mega ultra pissed off with those people before, but still didn't feel the need to yell like a child. It accomplishes nothing and is disrespectful. Especially if you claim to love someone, I can't see why yelling would ever even be an option.[/QUOTE]
it happens
same way parents fight and yell and can be married and love each other till they're in their deathbed
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41203357]I never understood why people have "fights" like that. Yelling and screaming at each other. I've never felt compelled to yell at anyone I care about or respect. I mean, I've been mega ultra pissed off with those people before, but still didn't feel the need to yell like a child. It accomplishes nothing and is disrespectful. Especially if you claim to love someone, I can't see why yelling would ever even be an option.[/QUOTE]
my bf and i got into an argument and started yelling at each other when we were really really wasted one night like 5 months ago
and then we both started crying for a while because we were both afraid we were fucking over our relationship and then we never argued again
me and my ex had a really big fight about a kebab once. :v:
snip
fuck it this was a shitty idea, i'm tired and not thinking straight
[QUOTE=Shark Cat;41203429]Well fuck, I'm reducing myself to posting my problems on the internet again.
Why facepunch? Who the fuck knows, I have friends that I could talk to about this shit. Maybe it's better to tell a bunch of people on a forum who don't know you than to tell people that could potentially turn out to fuck you over in the end.
I feel pathetic, and that's all I've felt for a long time; 7 months ago, I fell in love with a girl, before then I suffered from insomnia, but she fixed me, she was my remedy. She was and still is perfect to me, that's the thing when you fall for someone, all their flaws and insecurities just disappear, it's fucked up and it's unfair.[/QUOTE]
stop
read the last 2 pages of this thread
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
alternatively i will write you a tl;dr: you are not in love, everything you just described is infatuation, stop glorifying what you feel for her and using it as an excuse to mope about it
snip
this is exactly what we were talking about
you need to get over her and stop playing this mental gymnastic game to serve your own ego. infatuation happens, get used to it.
so youre sad about a girl? so what? its not a big deal you'll get over it, lots of people do
[QUOTE=Shark Cat;41203485]Now you read the last paragraph.[/QUOTE]
if you're picking up new hobbies and moving on then why are you still moping about how you were in ~true love~ with this girl?
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
you were only with her for a few months, i can guarantee you will meet much more interesting women in the future.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41203519]if you're picking up new hobbies and moving on then why are you still moping about how you were in ~true love~ with this girl?
[editline]26th June 2013[/editline]
you were only with her for a few months, i can guarantee you will meet much more interesting women in the future.[/QUOTE]
yeah ok
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