Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Zar;41248066]didnt say it was a good way, but some girls find it better to for example answer with "maybe". doesnt apply to all girls either, but it cqn happen[/QUOTE]

why are we applying this completely arbitrary behavior to women only, again?

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

i'm pretty sure having a vagina doesn't make you incapable of being straightforward with someone you don't like

[Zar]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;41248327]why are we applying this completely arbitrary behavior to women only, again?

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

i'm pretty sure having a vagina doesn't make you incapable of being straightforward with someone you don't like[/QUOTE]

excuse me, but i just feel that men are more straight forward. i didnt mean to be rude, i just think women care more about other people.

[robmaister12]

[QUOTE=Yahnich;41226559]i just came to the realization i'm deeply unhappy[/QUOTE]

Yeah dude, I know that feel. I've noticed that for the past year or so I've been far less happy. It used to be where I would feel happy most of the time and when I wasn't it was just a rough day/week/etc. Now it's the exact opposite, where I feel mostly unhappy and I have good days/weeks/etc.

It's starting to get a bit better though, I know I hit the bottom like 3 months ago. An ex that I was texting regularly, who I thought had changed since we broke up, got a boyfriend and basically stopped talking to me, which made me realize she hadn't actually changed. That alone made me feel pretty shitty. On top of that, I realized my love life was going nowhere. I'm going to college in upstate New York, so it was also cold as fuck and I hadn't seen the sun for a while. I was also pledging a fraternity last semester, and I didn't do so well on something for that (no hazing involved, though), so I was a bit anxious about it.

If that wasn't enough, what put me over the edge was getting sexiled the night when all of that came together. At 3am too, meaning I couldn't ask any of my friends to crash in their room because they were all already asleep. Luckily, one of my friends was still up on Facebook, and he has his own apartment, so he picked me up and I crashed on his couch for the night.

The next day, I was getting lunch from the dining halls and a girl I know asked if I was sick because I wasn't looking that great. It was easier to just go with it and say I had a cold, so I did. But I was thinking to myself "this has to be the bottom, it can't get any worse." And it was.

Anyways, it's 3:45 am here, and I probably rambled on a bit there, but yeah, I'm still working through a lot of it.

[PlasmaDan]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;41246496]I ended up telling the girl I'm interested that I liked her. I definitely rushed it, but at least I didn't ruin anything.

So... yeah. I'll just leave it be unless she brings it up again. Not being ready is definitely understandable though, given her situation. I probably should've waited.[/QUOTE]

Shoulda asked her out to a movie instead of being vague and leading her in to "figuring you out."

[Vasey105]

I cannot for the life of me look girls in the eye.
Will this be a problem?

[PlasmaDan]

[QUOTE=Vasey105;41249495]I cannot for the life of me look girls in the eye.
Will this be a problem?[/QUOTE]

Yeah dude. You'll be really nervous but just do it anyway.

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=Vasey105;41249495]I cannot for the life of me look girls in the eye.
Will this be a problem?[/QUOTE]

Some people feel insecure when they meet people for the first time and that happens. Give it some time, as soon as you get to know a person better it'll pass.

[Gulen]

So there's this girl that I've been kind of messing around with (let's call her S) , and on tuesday she told me she'd be going away for two weeks (she said she'd be going away earlier, but that didn't quite work out apperantly) . So I went to a party at a friends house last night (she had no idea I'd be there), and to my surprise, she was there as well. At this point, I got mad, because I felt like she'd lied to me because she didn't want to hang out with me or something. I tried asking her about it later on, but we were interrupted by something that I don't remember. So this kind of ruined the night for me, but I later sat with her and some other people, smoking, and forgot a little about it. Even later in the evening, I saw her sitting with this guy from my old class (who doesn't like me for whatever reason, blocked me on facebook all of a sudden a couple months back), with his arm around her, all alone. This made me a little bit more upset, but after another friend came in from the veranda (where they were sitting) laughing, after he peeked around the corner and had this guy yell at him "what're you looking at, perv?", I decided I'd had enough.

I went out to the garage and txted a really good female friend of mine (the only one I feel I can talk to about anything, and that I really trust) if she could come talk with me for a bit. She said that the girl from earlier on seemed to like having constant drama and attention around her, and that I should just forget about her.

When it was time for everyone to leave, we were among the last to leave, and I ran into her in the hallway, and she wanted a goodbye hug, but because of everything that night, I didn't want to hug her, and after she hugged me for a little, I just tried to get out of there, but I ran into a girl outside and talked with her a little bit, until S came out, and I started to walk away, but turned around when S called my name. She asked me why I was so mad, and I told her that it was because she'd lied to me about going away, and she said her dad had gotten sick or something, and that she'd forgotten to tell me. She then asked if that was all, and I told her about the guy she'd been sitting with, and she said they didn't do anything (not sure if I believe that, because of how the guy is, not sure if I quite believe the part about her dad getting sick either) Then we hugged and she asked if everything was fine, to which I just nodded.

On my way home from the party, though, I wrote up a draft of a message to her (not sure if I should post it), talking about how I'm tired of her shit, lying, and how it sometimes feels like she uses me to make herself feel better, and that I don't know if I can trust that she loves me like she's said. I never sent it, though. I haven't really talked to her about it, but a coworker of mine sent a couple of snapchats from my phone (with my permission) to some people, among them her, and one of the snaps I got back said "Are you still mad at me?", and I got another one after I sent one myself, about getting off work.

I love her, but I just don't know what to do right now, which is why I've turned to you guys for help. Thanks in advance for any tips.

[Loopoo]

Your biggest mistake is treating the fact you're merely "messing around" as a relationship, when it's clear it isn't.

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

Or are you actually in a relationship? Because you make it seem you've just had a bit of a fling with her. You've kissed, maybe even had sex, but it's more of a mutual agreement to mess around and have fun, rather than a serious, committed relationship.

[Gulen]

It's more of a fling, yeah, so it was kinda dumb of me to get mad about the two of them sitting around, but I for some reason feel like I can't trust her the same way I did before, and I feel kind of heartbroken in a way.

[Fire Kracker]

why be heart broken if you were only messing around

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Vasey105;41249495]I cannot for the life of me look girls in the eye.
Will this be a problem?[/QUOTE]

look that their breasts instead

[conan96]

[QUOTE=Gulen;41253997]It's more of a fling, yeah, so it was kinda dumb of me to get mad about the two of them sitting around, but I for some reason feel like I can't trust her the same way I did before, and I feel kind of heartbroken in a way.[/QUOTE]

You seem like you would be better off in an actual relationship.
I think you should either try to get serious with her, or find someone else you can get serious with.
Because if you take flings too seriously then you will most likely end up heartbroken.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=conan96;41254535]You seem like you would be better off in an actual relationship.
I think you should either try to get serious with her, or find someone else you can get serious with.
Because if you take flings too seriously then you will most likely end up heartbroken.[/QUOTE]

If he's getting too jealous in a non serious thing how exactly do you think he's gonna cope in a relationship?

My advice would be getting comfortable around girls [and not getting jealous] by just chilling with female friends.

[Loopoo]

The problem is, it's a fling dude. She's not lying to you or backstabbing you. You're probably coming across as clingy and getting too emotionally attached, which is sort of the vibe I get from her telling you she was going away for a while (but then ended up being at the party).

She's probably in it for fun only, and it's clear you're getting too emotionally involved in it, so that might be showing in your day-to-day life which might make her want to get a bit of distance or something between the two of you? You're treating it scarily close to a relationship. You should actually sort out your feelings and realize it isn't a relationship, so if she goes and hangs out with some guy, it shouldn't bum you out.

[zukriuchen]

any of you guys know any tips to keep conversations going?

I mean, I can honestly say that there's been a lot of times when I went up to a girl, started talking to her and I knew she was legitimately interested in me. I'm not shy at all after I start talking, but the problem is that after a while, I get nervous that I'm gonna fuck it up, and, ironically, I do, by not taking any more risks. Eventually, a lot of awkward silences come up and they just lose interest. Although I'm almost 100% sure those are the biggest problems, I just don't know what to do about them.

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;41246496]I ended up telling the girl I'm interested that I liked her. I definitely rushed it, but at least I didn't ruin anything.

So... yeah. I'll just leave it be unless she brings it up again. Not being ready is definitely understandable though, given her situation. I probably should've waited.[/QUOTE]

Telling someone you like them, or finding a way for them to find out on their own, is universally a bad idea. I mean, sure, you can get outrageously lucky and have it work, but the odds are so slim, it's just a bad decision all the way around.

Because how is someone supposed to react to that? If someone I knew came out of nowhere and said, "I like you," how am I supposed to respond to that? "Okay?" "Y-you too?" It's hard to respond to because it's a dead-end statement and leaves the other person wondering what your motivations are.

Like someone? Ask them out. Asking someone out is the universal way of saying, "I like you," without outright saying it and making things awkward. You might have actually had a chance with this girl if you woulda just asked her out instead of doing things so awkwardly, you shot yourself in the foot bigtime by going about business like a child. Because even if she didn't have feelings for you to begin with, most people are up to going on a date and giving things a shot regardless. Could have changed her mind. There's no such redemption to be found in confessing your feelings for someone.

[blerb]

You know, just sitting here trying to think of a way to express myself without sounding dumb has made me realize how socially awkward I am. I'm legitimately afraid to face the judgment of other people, which in turn causes me to freeze up and make an ass of myself anyway. I'm anxious to post this because of it.

I have speech problems, as well. It's not that I'm not articulate, it's just that I complicate the shit out of everything. For example, I was smoking with my GFs sister and I asked her about something that I figured she'd answer with a yes, but she answered with no, which made me curious. Instead of simply asking "why", I said "any particular reason" and she just stared at me for a moment, probably wondering what kind of mental deficiency I have, and laughed.

I really wish I could go on auto-pilot and say all the right things like everybody else, but it just seems like every single time I open my mouth, I say the wrong thing.

[Loopoo]

Outright telling someone you like them is very highschoolish. Like Maverick said, if you ask someone out on a date, it's usually a given that you like them.

[Gulen]

Thanks for the help, guys, I realize that it was stupid to think the way I did last night. I sent her a text saying that I'm not mad at her (because she asked about it earlier), and when I think back, I feel like I've been really clingy lately. Haven't gotten a response yet (it's 11pm here now), but I'll just have to wait and see if I get one, and where we'll go from there on (I want to know if she made up the whole going away just because of me, and get some answers to what she wants "this" to be)

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=blerb;41254997]You know, just sitting here trying to think of a way to express myself without sounding dumb has made me realize how socially awkward I am. I'm legitimately afraid to face the judgment of other people, which in turn causes me to freeze up and make an ass of myself anyway. I'm anxious to post this because of it.

I have speech problems, as well. It's not that I'm not articulate, it's just that I complicate the shit out of everything. For example, I was smoking with my GFs sister and I asked her about something that I figured she'd answer with a yes, but she answered with no, which made me curious. Instead of simply asking "why", I said "any particular reason" and she just stared at me for a moment, probably wondering what kind of mental deficiency I have, and laughed.

I really wish I could go on auto-pilot and say all the right things like everybody else, but it just seems like every single time I open my mouth, I say the wrong thing.[/QUOTE]

What's wrong with saying "Any particular reason?" lol? She's a bit immature if she really looked at you that way for saying that.

What was the question? And really, saying that instead of "why" really isn't that big a deal. Maybe you're hanging around with the wrong crowd if they seriously judge you for asking a question in that way.

[Gulen]

[QUOTE=blerb;41254997]You know, just sitting here trying to think of a way to express myself without sounding dumb has made me realize how socially awkward I am. I'm legitimately afraid to face the judgment of other people, which in turn causes me to freeze up and make an ass of myself anyway. I'm anxious to post this because of it.

I have speech problems, as well. It's not that I'm not articulate, it's just that I complicate the shit out of everything. For example, I was smoking with my GFs sister and I asked her about something that I figured she'd answer with a yes, but she answered with no, which made me curious. Instead of simply asking "why", I said "any particular reason" and she just stared at me for a moment, probably wondering what kind of mental deficiency I have, and laughed.

I really wish I could go on auto-pilot and say all the right things like everybody else, but it just seems like every single time I open my mouth, I say the wrong thing.[/QUOTE]

In my book, "any particular reason" and "why" is almost the same thing, so either the answer was pretty obvious, or she's just dumb (not literally, but in a "dumb to laugh at smart people" way)

[Loopoo]

I guess if she was smoking weed, the likelihood of her being the type of person to try very hard to be cool is a possibility.

[Fire Kracker]

it is a little wordy though

especially if his entire prior sentences are like that it adds up to coming off as overly wordy and trying to sound smart(though i'm not saying you are or anyone else is by doing it) by trying to make things sound more complicated

though by itself there is nothing wrong with saying "any particular reason" but if the rest of the prior sentences are wordy like you said it would come off as pretentious

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

of course not saying that you are doing any of these things on purpose

[NoDachi]

[QUOTE=loopoo;41255034]Outright telling someone you like them is very highschoolish. Like Maverick said, if you ask someone out on a date, it's usually a given that you like them.[/QUOTE]

Well the latest girl I'm seeing I ended up drinking and entire bottle of vodka and painting my face like a tribesmen in brown sauce before writing her name on my chest then saying "Lina, tbh i like you"

and she dares to calls me aloof

sigh, girls these days don't know what romance is

ps, don't use brownsauce, that shit burns like hell

[blerb]

[QUOTE=loopoo;41255189]I guess if she was smoking weed, the likelihood of her being the type of person to try very hard to be cool is a possibility.[/QUOTE]

Spot on, actually. Problem is, I do this shit with everybody I know. It's not as bad as it is with her, but I end up saying something stupid which ends in awkward silence in most conversations.

I'm guessing I can chalk it up to social anxiety, I just don't know what to actually do about it.

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41255255]it is a little wordy though

especially if his entire prior sentences are like that it adds up to coming off as overly wordy and trying to sound smart(though i'm not saying you are or anyone else is by doing it) by trying to make things sound more complicated

though by itself there is nothing wrong with saying "any particular reason" but if the rest of the prior sentences are wordy like you said it would come off as pretentious

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

of course not saying that you are doing any of these things on purpose[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you could say I'm a wordy person. I often switch simple words like "mad" with words like "bothered", and I don't even mean to. It could just be the people I hang around with, I guess, but it happens with people I'd call smarter than myself quite often as well. I don't try to come off as some kind of intellectual, but I can see why people may be offended by it.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=blerb;41255366]Spot on, actually. Problem is, I do this shit with everybody I know. It's not as bad as it is with her, but I end up saying something stupid which ends in awkward silence in most conversations.

I'm guessing I can chalk it up to social anxiety, I just don't know what to actually do about it.

Yeah, you could say I'm a wordy person. I often switch simple words like "mad" with words like "bothered", and I don't even mean to. It could just be the people I hang around with, I guess, but it happens with people I'd call smarter than myself quite often as well. I don't try to come off as some kind of intellectual, but I can see why people may be offended by it.[/QUOTE]

don't worry about it too much though a lot of people don't mind really if you are wordy i'm just saying why she [i]might[/i] have reacted that way

[editline]30th June 2013[/editline]

or atleast i don't mind my friend does it too

and if it's just switching out words it's not really being wordy

[Loopoo]

I've been in your shoes man. I used to hang out with the typical stoner-type people and they'd look at me funny if I broke the group norm by actually trying to spark a discussion revolving around something other than "Yo man you seen the tits on that girl, damn man". If I didn't start talking like a rapper and saying dumb shit, I'd get funny looks. That's when I realized the group I was hanging out with was dumb as fuck, and I decided to move on.

Change the crowd you're hanging out with. It's a sad day that a normal kid feels abnormal cause some people give him a funny look for saying something completely fine. There isn't anything wrong with being wordy, and you can sure as hell be wordy without coming across as pretentious.

Moments like this I'm thankful for the friends I have. We can all just be ourselves without this social anxiety and worry of "not fitting in".

[blerb]

Thanks, guys. Still a little shitty because everybody in my town is exactly as you described, but it's still comforting.

[Loopoo]

Seriously, don't change just because most of the other kids in your town have a warped mentality. I can assure you, once you grow up and enter the real world and join a university, you'll realize all this is just immaturity, and that people are a lot easier going. High school is honestly the worst for that sort of crap :v:

[Gulen]

A little update on my story, these are txts from the last ~40 minutes:

[quote]

Me: I'm not mad at you

Her: You were last night

Me: I know, and it was dumb of me, I had no reason to be, really

Her: Got really sad

Me: I'm sorry, I just felt so hurt because I thought you lied to me about going away, which you didn't

Her: No, but that thing about J as well, too bad it went like that (J is the guy she was sitting with)

Me: Yeah, I guess I got a little jealous, and that was foolish of me. I've got nothing to do with what you and he does.

Her: Relax, we didn't do anything, I wouldn't have

Me: No matter what you did, I shouldn't have cared as much as I did, and especially not gotten mad at you like I did.

Her: But anyways, we didn't do anything, it just means that you care :)

Me: Yeah, but I shouldn't get mad just because you're talking to some other guy

Her: Oh well, it's fine :)
[/quote]