Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[oxooon]

[QUOTE=MissingGlitch;41303316]His motive from the start was to get us together because he knew that I really wanted to be with this girl. But I don't know what happened down the line but they suddenly went together.[/QUOTE]

Well, considering he set you two on the path to be together and then threw a wrench into it, you should meet him in person, one on one, and tell him just how hurt you are about what he did. Not over text: do it in person. If his reaction when you tell him you are hurt isn't regret, immediately let him know how much of a douchebag he is [b]TO HIS FACE[/b]. A friend willing to do that to someone else and not feel bad about it at all is no friend.

But for God's sake, don't do any of this over messaging/texting.

[MissingGlitch]

[QUOTE=J$ Psychotic;41303355]Well, considering he set you two on the path to be together and then threw a wrench into it, you should meet him in person, one on one, and tell him just how hurt you are about what he did. Not over text: do it in person. If his reaction when you tell him you are hurt isn't regret, immediately let him know how much of a douchebag he is [b]TO HIS FACE[/b]. A friend willing to do that to someone else is no friend.

But for God's sake, don't do any of this over messaging/texting.[/QUOTE]

That's what I plan on doing the next time I see him. Thanks for the help.

[oxooon]

[QUOTE=MissingGlitch;41303399]That's what I plan on doing the next time I see him. Thanks for the help.[/QUOTE]

No problem. But I mean it: if he is just like "sucks bro" when you tell him, unleash on him.

And I can't stress this enough: this is something you need to do in person, because his balls have a better chance to shrivel when you tell him to his face he fucked up, which gives you the perfect opportunity to grab them and control the situation. Over text, he'll be like "lol gtfo scrub" and your emotional appeal will be a lot less effective.

[junker154]

That's really a dickmove from his side, usually when we had a similiar issue we discussed it together.

Tell him how much it annoys you.

[Bobie]

[QUOTE=J$ Psychotic;41303453]No problem. But I mean it: if he is just like "sucks bro" when you tell him, unleash on him.

And I can't stress this enough: this is something you need to do in person, because his balls have a better chance to shrivel when you tell him to his face he fucked up, which gives you the perfect opportunity to grab them and control the situation. Over text, he'll be like "lol gtfo scrub" and your emotional appeal will be a lot less effective.[/QUOTE]

i honestly can't see alot of good coming from a move like that to be honest.

being aggressive will make you feel good for 20 seconds, nothing more.

[junker154]

The dude needs to vent, doing nothing or trying to be reasonable and calm does not make a point as clear as some good ranting.

[Bobie]

[QUOTE=junker154;41303698]The dude needs to vent, doing nothing or trying to be reasonable and calm does not make a point as clear as some good ranting.[/QUOTE]

there are plenty of constructive ways to vent your anger, putting yourself on the level of a dick friend is not one of them. he needs to talk to his friend about how he feels, and through that make a decision as to whether or not he wants this friend around or not.

he also needs to understand that he and the girl were not exclusive, and therefore nothing morally abhorrent was done on her part.

sure, it was a real punch in the dick, but do you think lashing out will calm the situation down for him?

[MissingGlitch]

I'm not going to get all aggressive on him. I just want to find out why. He has been a really good friend besides this event.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=MissingGlitch;41304359]I'm not going to get all aggressive on him. I just want to find out why. He has been a really good friend besides this event.[/QUOTE]

Considered the possibility she told him she wasn't interested in you but was interested in him?

[editline]4th July 2013[/editline]

Same shit happened to me a year or two ago. Except I was essentially your friend.

[MissingGlitch]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;41304410]Considered the possibility she told him she wasn't interested in you but was interested in him?

[editline]4th July 2013[/editline]

Same shit happened to me a year or two ago. Except I was essentially your friend.[/QUOTE]

I was thinking of taking that into account but she said she really liked me and liked doing things with me. Maybe there is something nobody is telling me.

[zenby]

I'm starting to worry about asking this girl out but I'm pretty sure I'm just psyching myself out

My only problem is that I'm not sure who else is going to be around the next time I see her, which could potentially make it awkward

[vlad]

Ugh, I'm extremely unhappy with myself. The thoughts of my ex are there, but they don't really hurt anymore. Now I'm unhappy with me not having a girlfriend in general. It feels like I need a girlfriend to be happy, which I don't have. So I'm really frustrated and unhappy. Is there anything I can do to convince myself that I don't need one? Anything?

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41305722]Ugh, I'm extremely unhappy with myself. The thoughts of my ex are there, but they don't really hurt anymore. Now I'm unhappy with me not having a girlfriend in general. It feels like I need a girlfriend to be happy, which I don't have. So I'm really frustrated and unhappy. Is there anything I can do to convince myself that I don't need one? Anything?[/QUOTE]

Understanding that happyness comes with being happy with yourself not being with someone else. Being with someone else is a sort of simulated self-content that usually falls apart as soon as the relationship ends.
Just spend some more time on your own and get used to it again, do stuff for yourself for a while and learn to enjoy your own company as well as anyone elses.

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=PredGD;41305722]Ugh, I'm extremely unhappy with myself. The thoughts of my ex are there, but they don't really hurt anymore. Now I'm unhappy with me not having a girlfriend in general. It feels like I need a girlfriend to be happy, which I don't have. So I'm really frustrated and unhappy. Is there anything I can do to convince myself that I don't need one? Anything?[/QUOTE]

Pretty much the same here. I would say Rhenae is right, which she is, it's just that I can't really follow that myself. I can be sort of content with myself but there haven't been many times in my life during which I was really happy with myself. Anyway, it's at least a hopeful thought that eventually you WILL find someone, though living off that hope alone probably isn't the best thing to do.

I've managed to keep pretty occupied for the last couple days so I haven't really noticed my unhappiness, but overall I'm kind of in between being okay with where I am and being unhappy about it.

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=riku2211;41306173]Pretty much the same here. I would say Rhenae is right, which she is, it's just that I can't really follow that myself. I can be sort of content with myself but there haven't been many times in my life during which I was really happy with myself. Anyway, it's at least a hopeful thought that eventually you WILL find someone, though living off that hope alone probably isn't the best thing to do.

I've managed to keep pretty occupied for the last couple days so I haven't really noticed my unhappiness, but overall I'm kind of in between being okay with where I am and being unhappy about it.[/QUOTE]

Personally, I think the best way to be happy is to always be progressing.

If you don't let yourself stagnate, and always push yourself to be better somehow, whether through fitness, painting, being more social, whatever, you'll never have time to be sad, and you'll slowly build pride in your own accomplishments.

[dmillerw]

So I'm curious as to what's going on. For those who don't know, I goofed and basically told I girl I was interested in that I liked her, straight up. No asking out or anything, just that. Turns out she had already known since another friend I'd confided in told her, but no matter.

What interests me though is ever since that, she hasn't distanced herself, or treated me oddly, or anything. If anything, she's been closer. This is a girl who has a terrible time opening up to people, and she's been opening up to me lately, asking me to do things with her more often, and just becoming a lot easier to talk to/be around.

Thoughts?

[ewitwins]

[QUOTE=ewitwins;41260060]So!

Invited to a girl's place for "drinks" about a day from now
Just the two of us

I've been crushing on this girl for god knows how long, and I'm kind of nervous. Do I just play it cool and let the evening unfold, or should I be more outgoing than that?[/QUOTE]

Welp, that didn't go well at all.

I've confided in most of my friends and they're about confused as I am. Apparently "come over to my apartment alone for alcohol" means something completely different than I and most of the civilized world thought it meant.

[killerteacup]

Would you like to give us details

[Riku2211]

So I've kind of realized something recently. When my ex broke up with me, she wanted to just go straight into being friends, and I overreacted and told her off. Then she was pretty happy about us talking again, and I also screwed that up. I realized that I sort of robbed her of a good first relationship; she didn't want any bad blood and just wanted to remain friends, and instead she got an immature ex-communication. I overreacted both times (not to mention the fact that she caught me on bad nights on both occasions; when she broke up with me I was in a bad mood because I broke a candle or something and was generally kind of moody, then when we decided to stop talking I had just gotten back from a hockey game that I felt was a massive waste of my night along with a couple other things) and didn't really think about it clearly.

Well, now that I am thinking more clearly, I feel bad for that. So I was thinking about talking to her again, and I need you guys to probably talk me out of it, because I don't feel like it's a bad idea. I wouldn't want to hang out with her or anything, I don't want my feelings to resurface. But I do want to just have a friend-status with her, you know? E-mail her and explain myself, tell her we can talk or whatever. I'd just be another one of her friends and she'd just be another one of mine. I can't really undo all the ways in which I've screwed up, but I want to at least try to make amends. I'm still giving myself time, but I wanted to do it sooner than later. I've got all summer, though. I feel like I'm in a place where I could handle talking to her every now and then without emotionally losing my shit.

So what do you guys think? Should I do it? I just don't think she deserves what she got.

[ewitwins]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;41309031]Would you like to give us details[/QUOTE]

So basically this:

We spent the entire even lying across each other on the couch drinking expensive fucking scotch and smoking hookah while ignoring whatever the fuck was playing on the television. One of her co-workers (who shall be referred to as "Dude") shows up about two hours in to get the cellphone that he left behind earlier in the week. Supposedly she attempted to date said dude but didn't like him because of his... stoniness.

Anyways, he leaves because he basically gets what's going on (at least SOMEONE did) and later into the night I start trying to get closer to her, flirting, complimenting, getting closer physically blahblahblahblahblah, and she seems to be getting into it.

All of the sudden the mood shifts on a fucking dime, and she starts pushing me away, telling me that I've had too much to drink (I've had three tiny glasses of scotch, basically nothing) and that I need to go sleep it off on the floor. I grumble off, sleep in about a million back-breaking positions, and then peace the next morning.

So basically I'm confused as fuck, as are basically everyone I've confided in.

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=ewitwins;41309094]So basically this:

We spent the entire even lying across each other on the couch drinking expensive fucking scotch and smoking hookah while ignoring whatever the fuck was playing on the television. One of her co-workers (who shall be referred to as "Dude") shows up about two hours in to get the cellphone that he left behind earlier in the week. Supposedly she attempted to date said dude but didn't like him because of his... stoniness.

Anyways, he leaves because he basically gets what's going on (at least SOMEONE did) and later into the night I start trying to get closer to her, flirting, complimenting, getting closer physically blahblahblahblahblah, and she seems to be getting into it.

All of the sudden the mood shifts on a fucking dime, and she starts pushing me away, telling me that I've had too much to drink (I've had three tiny glasses of scotch, basically nothing) and that I need to go sleep it off on the floor. I grumble off, sleep in about a million back-breaking positions, and then peace the next morning.

So basically I'm confused as fuck, as are basically everyone I've confided in.[/QUOTE]

This might sound crazy, ask her about it?

Really though that does sound real confusing, on the bright side good on you for being a gentleman.

[ewitwins]

[QUOTE=babyarm-bat;41309196]This might sound crazy, ask her about it?

Really though that does sound real confusing, on the bright side good on you for being a gentleman.[/QUOTE]

You know, I've received the same advice from a good half-dozen people (and on the gentlemanly bit I think anything less would have been just... messed up).

I guess that pretty much seals what I need to do next time I talk to her.

[vlad]

[QUOTE=riku2211;41309091]So I've kind of realized something recently. When my ex broke up with me, she wanted to just go straight into being friends, and I overreacted and told her off. Then she was pretty happy about us talking again, and I also screwed that up. I realized that I sort of robbed her of a good first relationship; she didn't want any bad blood and just wanted to remain friends, and instead she got an immature ex-communication. I overreacted both times (not to mention the fact that she caught me on bad nights on both occasions; when she broke up with me I was in a bad mood because I broke a candle or something and was generally kind of moody, then when we decided to stop talking I had just gotten back from a hockey game that I felt was a massive waste of my night along with a couple other things) and didn't really think about it clearly.

Well, now that I am thinking more clearly, I feel bad for that. So I was thinking about talking to her again, and I need you guys to probably talk me out of it, because I don't feel like it's a bad idea. I wouldn't want to hang out with her or anything, I don't want my feelings to resurface. But I do want to just have a friend-status with her, you know? E-mail her and explain myself, tell her we can talk or whatever. I'd just be another one of her friends and she'd just be another one of mine. I can't really undo all the ways in which I've screwed up, but I want to at least try to make amends. I'm still giving myself time, but I wanted to do it sooner than later. I've got all summer, though. I feel like I'm in a place where I could handle talking to her every now and then without emotionally losing my shit.

So what do you guys think? Should I do it? I just don't think she deserves what she got.[/QUOTE]

For your own sake I'd advice not to get any closer to her again. It'll most likely hurt to not be able to do the things you used to do before (thinking of typical relationship things). I know that this would happen between me and my ex at least.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=ewitwins;41309094]So basically this:

We spent the entire even lying across each other on the couch drinking expensive fucking scotch and smoking hookah while ignoring whatever the fuck was playing on the television. One of her co-workers (who shall be referred to as "Dude") shows up about two hours in to get the cellphone that he left behind earlier in the week. Supposedly she attempted to date said dude but didn't like him because of his... stoniness.

Anyways, he leaves because he basically gets what's going on (at least SOMEONE did) and later into the night I start trying to get closer to her, flirting, complimenting, getting closer physically blahblahblahblahblah, and she seems to be getting into it.

All of the sudden the mood shifts on a fucking dime, and she starts pushing me away, telling me that I've had too much to drink (I've had three tiny glasses of scotch, basically nothing) and that I need to go sleep it off on the floor. I grumble off, sleep in about a million back-breaking positions, and then peace the next morning.

So basically I'm confused as fuck, as are basically everyone I've confided in.[/QUOTE]
you probably started to move too fast and it seemed like u were drunk

[editline]4th July 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=riku2211;41309091]So I've kind of realized something recently. When my ex broke up with me, she wanted to just go straight into being friends, and I overreacted and told her off. Then she was pretty happy about us talking again, and I also screwed that up. I realized that I sort of robbed her of a good first relationship; she didn't want any bad blood and just wanted to remain friends, and instead she got an immature ex-communication. I overreacted both times (not to mention the fact that she caught me on bad nights on both occasions; when she broke up with me I was in a bad mood because I broke a candle or something and was generally kind of moody, then when we decided to stop talking I had just gotten back from a hockey game that I felt was a massive waste of my night along with a couple other things) and didn't really think about it clearly.

Well, now that I am thinking more clearly, I feel bad for that. So I was thinking about talking to her again, and I need you guys to probably talk me out of it, because I don't feel like it's a bad idea. I wouldn't want to hang out with her or anything, I don't want my feelings to resurface. But I do want to just have a friend-status with her, you know? E-mail her and explain myself, tell her we can talk or whatever. I'd just be another one of her friends and she'd just be another one of mine. I can't really undo all the ways in which I've screwed up, but I want to at least try to make amends. I'm still giving myself time, but I wanted to do it sooner than later. I've got all summer, though. I feel like I'm in a place where I could handle talking to her every now and then without emotionally losing my shit.

So what do you guys think? Should I do it? I just don't think she deserves what she got.[/QUOTE]

i say go for it because i did the same thing and it felt great

and now we're friends

[zenby]

Okay I guess I never figured this part out but how do you compliment someone without it being awkward? I mean this girl is like a human equivalent of a teddy bear in terms of cuteness and has a great smile but I have no idea how I'm supposed to get that across in a non-forward/awkward way

[Slacker996]

i was at an emo show and a cutie pie stood next to me as the last band played and she was looking over at me quite a bit and i did nothing to try and talk to her

did i fuck up

[Iago]

I last waaaay too long in bed and it's actually becoming a problem.

[Babyarm-bat]

[QUOTE=Iago;41316996]I last waaaay too long in bed and it's actually becoming a problem.[/QUOTE]

Think about how good it feels

[B-Rabbit]

So during the first semester at new school I've met a girl who I somehow started to love. She is mainly speaking with her friend nearly everytime except after school when she's at school canteen (Romantic as fuck). Everything was fine but then, during second semester she seemed to ignore me and when I asked her why she didn't respond when I said hi she replied that she didn't saw me. Needless to say soon my feelings towards her disappeared, but whenever I see her I always feel like I fell in love again. How can I forget about my feelings for her ? I don't want to have a relationship during the school since I don't want to cry after it ends. Also how can I get rid of feeling uncomfortable whenever I have to speak with a stranger?

[thf]

[QUOTE=B-Rabbit;41317865]How can I forget about my feelings for her ?[/QUOTE]

Do other stuff that you enjoy. There's no other real shortcut.

[QUOTE=B-Rabbit;41317865]Also how can I get rid of feeling uncomfortable whenever I have to speak with a stranger?[/QUOTE]

Just try to do it much and practice, and you will get better at it. As in the answer above, there's no real shortcut. Getting out of your comfort zone makes it bigger.