Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Iago;41316996]I last waaaay too long in bed and it's actually becoming a problem.[/QUOTE]
Try using moisturiser on yo peen
it helped me
[QUOTE=PredGD;41312685]For your own sake I'd advice not to get any closer to her again. It'll most likely hurt to not be able to do the things you used to do before (thinking of typical relationship things). I know that this would happen between me and my ex at least.[/QUOTE]
Thats pretty much my only problem, but I feel like I can handle it at this point. Or at least, I hope I can. Regardless, last time I did it it WAS emotionally exhausting considering I still had feelings for her, and we hung out a lot. We pretty much hung out as much as we did when we were together. That ended up being a problem, because it was too soon and I still had all these feelings for her. Well now I don't, or at the very least not as much as before, so if it's restricted to just E-mailing her every so often and maybe hanging out here and there, I think I'd be fine.
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41315449]i say go for it because i did the same thing and it felt great
and now we're friends[/QUOTE]
Last time I did it it DID feel great, and I was incredibly happy just being friends with her. I did sort of care about not being in a relationship with her, but ignored it because it was just great being friends and I didn't totally need anything more.
So this really close female friend of mine asked me a question today that I couldn't quite answer: Name three things that's attractive in a girl. Like if she's ugly, or doesn't really stand out or anything, what trates could make her attractive to you?
Her answer to what makes a guy attractive were:
1. Confidence
2. Easy to talk to (makes her feel cool)
3. Showing interest (not too much of course)
I'd say if your personalities work well with each other it's massively attractive for me
tits an arse
tits
corrrr
Most attractive personality traits for me are prob:
Intelligence (Bonus points for knowing shit tons of random useless trivia)
Acceptance (Being able to debate but also respecting whatever other people choose etc)
Humor (Preferably of a sort similar to Portal lol)
But I mean most it really is just having a personality that meshes well, I can just say those are traits just generally would be common to the people I get along best with.
List is for male or female btw.
Overprotectiveness, hindsight, responsibility, loyalty, quaintness, politeness, conservatism (not in the American politics "god hates abortionnnn" sense), and whatever is the opposite of flirty or fun loving or outgoing.
Too bad that is like, not existent anywhere ever outside of wasps and the animes that people whose face is covered in cheese dust and dried smegma watch.
ive never really thought about most attractive qualities cuz to me they always seemed like idealised traits rather than what i actually go for in a person
but i guess thinking about it in the most objective way
intelligence - i mean i dont really care if you know a lot of shit because reciting things doesnt seem like intelligence to me, intelligence to me is more like understanding things and having interesting things to say. nothing is more cool than someone who has something they find interesting and can talk about in an enlightening way. i love it when someone can keep me interested with something they are passionate about, that seems intelligent to me.
humour and imagination - idk about you guys but i have a really stupid sense of humour that tends to fly in the strangest directions. i have a southern girl alter-ego that i amuse myself with by coming up with different situations for. if someone just looks at me confused and doesnt add anything to this scenario its the biggest turn off ever. if someone creates their southern girl alter-ego and runs with me through this amazing plot line that involves fighting over a quarterback or robbing a train it would be the biggest turn onnn ever get in me sexy girl (or boy). its extra super cool if they have a caustic and sarcastic sense of humour
restlessness - i think this might be the most important one. i dont like staying in one place ever and i get super bored with something really quickly so to me its really attractive when someone is constantly going forward with something and always thinking of something new. my brain travels at like a mile a sec and if someone cant follow me id feel like there wasnt a connection there.
idk if these are considered feminine traits or not but i dont really care
[editline]5th July 2013[/editline]
now i sound even more fucking anime
I think your preferred traits actually change from person to person. Sometimes 'happy nature' for example suits one person far more than another. For me, I'm mostly drawn to someone with a lot of confidence (whether they have it or not is surprisingly irrelevant), the eyes and ideally someone... quirky. Offbeat. But I would also happily exchange confidence for someone really shy, it just comes down to the individual I think.
I like people who take things slow, aren't in a rush to 'live life' and all that kind of garb you see on every dating site out there. Just a homebody who doesn't have to be anything special :)
I'm such a simple guy hahaha
well thats why i said they were more idealized traits u know
i dont think it works by having a rubric and finding people that fit that rubric exactly, at least for me its never been that way
[QUOTE=riku2211;41309091]So I've kind of realized something recently. When my ex broke up with me, she wanted to just go straight into being friends, and I overreacted and told her off. Then she was pretty happy about us talking again, and I also screwed that up. I realized that I sort of robbed her of a good first relationship; she didn't want any bad blood and just wanted to remain friends, and instead she got an immature ex-communication. I overreacted both times (not to mention the fact that she caught me on bad nights on both occasions; when she broke up with me I was in a bad mood because I broke a candle or something and was generally kind of moody, then when we decided to stop talking I had just gotten back from a hockey game that I felt was a massive waste of my night along with a couple other things) and didn't really think about it clearly.
Well, now that I am thinking more clearly, I feel bad for that. So I was thinking about talking to her again, and I need you guys to probably talk me out of it, because I don't feel like it's a bad idea. I wouldn't want to hang out with her or anything, I don't want my feelings to resurface. But I do want to just have a friend-status with her, you know? E-mail her and explain myself, tell her we can talk or whatever. I'd just be another one of her friends and she'd just be another one of mine. I can't really undo all the ways in which I've screwed up, but I want to at least try to make amends. I'm still giving myself time, but I wanted to do it sooner than later. I've got all summer, though. I feel like I'm in a place where I could handle talking to her every now and then without emotionally losing my shit.
So what do you guys think? Should I do it? I just don't think she deserves what she got.[/QUOTE]
Would kind of like a couple more opinions on this, if anyone's got anything to say. Still kind of on the fence about it. I'm more leaning towards doing it, though.
I honestly don't know what I'm attracted to tbh
Yet I'm really picky
I either find a girl really interesting, or I don't
I need to think about this
[QUOTE=B-Rabbit;41317865]So during the first semester at new school I've met a girl who I somehow started to love. She is mainly speaking with her friend nearly everytime except after school when she's at school canteen (Romantic as fuck). Everything was fine but then, during second semester she seemed to ignore me and when I asked her why she didn't respond when I said hi she replied that she didn't saw me. Needless to say soon my feelings towards her disappeared, but whenever I see her I always feel like I fell in love again. How can I forget about my feelings for her ? I don't want to have a relationship during the school since I don't want to cry after it ends. Also how can I get rid of feeling uncomfortable whenever I have to speak with a stranger?[/QUOTE]
by not thinking you love them
because you don't
[editline]5th July 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41315864]Okay I guess I never figured this part out but how do you compliment someone without it being awkward? I mean this girl is like a human equivalent of a teddy bear in terms of cuteness and has a great smile but I have no idea how I'm supposed to get that across in a non-forward/awkward way[/QUOTE]
you just tell them they're cute
the most attractive personality trait i can think of is chillness
just, chill. snoop chill
[editline]edit[/editline]
and creativity
snip
Well guys I'm posting in this thread...again.
I met up with an old friend recently from school. I knew that him and this girl were going out for awhile and was curious why he didn't even mention her. So I sent her a message on facebook. She tells me that she wants to speak with me in person and that it's a very long story.
I go to her house to speak with her. We sat outside for a bit and she basicly told me the story. My friend had choked her and bit her. This was over how she wanted fresh air and he wanted her in the fucking house. She even showed me the scar on her arm. This guy could of fucking killed her because He plays football and is one of the strongest people on the team.
We head inside to hang out a bit. Talked about silly stuff that happen in school and relationships. She tells me straight up that she did have a bit of a crush on me before going with this guy. then she tells me that [B]I've been the only person to speak to her from school in almost two months and even showed me that the only person that she has talked on the phone was me.[/B] She barely had any friends from school because she is one of the quiet types of people.
I want to be there for her. I do still have some feelings for her. I don't know what to do at this point.
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;41328368]you just tell them they're cute[/QUOTE]
Yeah I guess but timing is pretty important right
Edit: I think I'm going to wait to ask her out after all, because I realized I haven't actually seen her in person since I started talking to her through facebook and I want some face-to-face time now that I know that body language is a thing
I had the crazy idea of asking if my ex wanted to meet up. I felt that it was a good idea yesterday night, but now, not so much... I feel that I'm really starting to miss her and it's nearly been two months since we broke up.
I must confess that I was extremely possessive in my relationship with my ex. I'm not trying to blame her for my behavior, but she did some really questionable things in the beginning of the relationship and a few months in. I mentioned it once in the "Sex, girlfriends and shit" thread. She said yes to sex with another guy (they didn't have sex), she have said no to me but yes to friends several times and she have done things we had talked about doing together with other friends without even telling me first (things we've both wanted to really do together, only us). However I should have put this behind me, which I couldn't do. This ended up with possessive behavior from my side.
Not only that, but now that we've been apart for a little while I'm realizing things which I should have realized much earlier. I've been really selfish (at least I feel like it) in our relationship. I really loved to cuddle with her, perhaps a bit too much. I also loved having sex, which also became a little too much for her. Often when she didn't want neither of these, I managed to convince her to sex or to give me sexual pleasure which is just plain wrong of me. I really regret everything. I've been so terrible against her and I fully understand why she wanted to leave me, especially after I started to realize all this shit.
I feel like a prick. I don't understand how I managed to do these things to her. It's so hard to realize what you're doing wrong because when you want something and you get it, either by good or bad means, you don't want to realize that you're doing something wrong because you get what you want. I've also been thinking a lot about sex now in the aftermath. Maybe I didn't really love her but was only there for the sex/cuddling?
The reason I want to meet up with her is to tell her all this. That I've finally realized what I was doing to her, and that I regret it. Things like that. But I don't know if that is a good idea. It won't change anything, right? She wants to be free, and I've told her she can be free in a relationship with me. Of course she doesn't believe that because of how I've been behaving. I understand that.
Do you guys think it is a good idea to meet up with her?
[QUOTE=PredGD;41339095]I had the crazy idea of asking if my ex wanted to meet up. I felt that it was a good idea yesterday night, but now, not so much... I feel that I'm really starting to miss her and it's nearly been two months since we broke up.
I must confess that I was extremely possessive in my relationship with my ex. I'm not trying to blame her for my behavior, but she did some really questionable things in the beginning of the relationship and a few months in. I mentioned it once in the "Sex, girlfriends and shit" thread. She said yes to sex with another guy (they didn't have sex), she have said no to me but yes to friends several times and she have done things we had talked about doing together with other friends without even telling me first (things we've both wanted to really do together, only us). However I should have put this behind me, which I couldn't do. This ended up with possessive behavior from my side.
Not only that, but now that we've been apart for a little while I'm realizing things which I should have realized much earlier. I've been really selfish (at least I feel like it) in our relationship. I really loved to cuddle with her, perhaps a bit too much. I also loved having sex, which also became a little too much for her. Often when she didn't want neither of these, I managed to convince her to sex or to give me sexual pleasure which is just plain wrong of me. I really regret everything. I've been so terrible against her and I fully understand why she wanted to leave me, especially after I started to realize all this shit.
I feel like a prick. I don't understand how I managed to do these things to her. It's so hard to realize what you're doing wrong because when you want something and you get it, either by good or bad means, you don't want to realize that you're doing something wrong because you get what you want. I've also been thinking a lot about sex now in the aftermath. Maybe I didn't really love her but was only there for the sex/cuddling?
The reason I want to meet up with her is to tell her all this. That I've finally realized what I was doing to her, and that I regret it. Things like that. But I don't know if that is a good idea. It won't change anything, right? She wants to be free, and I've told her she can be free in a relationship with me. Of course she doesn't believe that because of how I've been behaving. I understand that.
Do you guys think it is a good idea to meet up with her?[/QUOTE]
I know you want to apologize, but certain things are probably best left unsaid.
The conversation would most likely be quite awkward as she already has made up her mind.
She has probably moved on at this point, and you should try and do the same.
Sometimes people aren't compatible, and reconciling usually only drags out the inevitable.
But a positive factor is that you can take what you've learned from this relationship and apply it to your next.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41339095]
Do you guys think it is a good idea to meet up with her?[/QUOTE]
uh no??
[QUOTE=PredGD;41339095]I had the crazy idea of asking if my ex wanted to meet up. I felt that it was a good idea yesterday night, but now, not so much... I feel that I'm really starting to miss her and it's nearly been two months since we broke up.
I must confess that I was extremely possessive in my relationship with my ex. I'm not trying to blame her for my behavior, but she did some really questionable things in the beginning of the relationship and a few months in. I mentioned it once in the "Sex, girlfriends and shit" thread. She said yes to sex with another guy (they didn't have sex), she have said no to me but yes to friends several times and she have done things we had talked about doing together with other friends without even telling me first (things we've both wanted to really do together, only us). However I should have put this behind me, which I couldn't do. This ended up with possessive behavior from my side.
Not only that, but now that we've been apart for a little while I'm realizing things which I should have realized much earlier. I've been really selfish (at least I feel like it) in our relationship. I really loved to cuddle with her, perhaps a bit too much. I also loved having sex, which also became a little too much for her. Often when she didn't want neither of these, I managed to convince her to sex or to give me sexual pleasure which is just plain wrong of me. I really regret everything. I've been so terrible against her and I fully understand why she wanted to leave me, especially after I started to realize all this shit.
I feel like a prick. I don't understand how I managed to do these things to her. It's so hard to realize what you're doing wrong because when you want something and you get it, either by good or bad means, you don't want to realize that you're doing something wrong because you get what you want. I've also been thinking a lot about sex now in the aftermath. Maybe I didn't really love her but was only there for the sex/cuddling?
The reason I want to meet up with her is to tell her all this. That I've finally realized what I was doing to her, and that I regret it. Things like that. But I don't know if that is a good idea. It won't change anything, right? She wants to be free, and I've told her she can be free in a relationship with me. Of course she doesn't believe that because of how I've been behaving. I understand that.
Do you guys think it is a good idea to meet up with her?[/QUOTE]
Yeah no I wouldn't say so. Especially not with the hopes of getting back together. I guess I can't say anything Conan hasn't, though. Just take what you've learned and get on with life. Although, and I'll be probably be disagreed with so take this with a grain of salt, I would think sending her a message and leaving it at that wouldn't be so bad, depending on your intentions. Like, if you want to apologize so badly, send her an E-mail or something rather than meeting up. Just, don't keep trying to get back together with her. It won't work. Kinda what I was going to do with my ex, though I'm still unsure about it, and I have no intentions of getting back with her. I think I'm over it. But I also wanted to apologize to her, just send her an E-mail saying "hey lets be friends sorry I was an ass" and continue on with life.
[QUOTE=riku2211;41340335]Yeah no I wouldn't say so. Especially not with the hopes of getting back together. I guess I can't say anything Conan hasn't, though. Just take what you've learned and get on with life. Although, and I'll be probably be disagreed with so take this with a grain of salt, I would think sending her a message and leaving it at that wouldn't be so bad, depending on your intentions. Like, if you want to apologize so badly, send her an E-mail or something rather than meeting up. Just, don't keep trying to get back together with her. It won't work. Kinda what I was going to do with my ex, though I'm still unsure about it, and I have no intentions of getting back with her. I think I'm over it. But I also wanted to apologize to her, just send her an E-mail saying "hey lets be friends sorry I was an ass" and continue on with life.[/QUOTE]
I kinda want to get it across face to face, but that works as well. Problem is that she doesn't think any of this is my fault so she refuses the fact that I wasn't treating her well. Meh, I'll just leave it as it is and try to get on with my life I guess.
Theres people I knew and including an ex that I would really want to send apology letters to. I know what I would say but I havent sent any, its dredging up the past when everyone should be moved/moving on rather than dwelling on it. I find it fairly contenting to have a mental draft of what I would write though to keep in mind for personal improvement as well as accepting my own mistakes.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41339095]I had the crazy idea of asking if my ex wanted to meet up. I felt that it was a good idea yesterday night, but now, not so much... I feel that I'm really starting to miss her and it's nearly been two months since we broke up.[/QUOTE]
do you realize that by trying to meet her so you can apologize for being self centered, you're being incredibly self-centered?
the relationship is over. it didn't work out. instead of trying to bring her back into a shitty relationship just because you ~finally realized~ how dumb you were, let her move on without complications.
For future reference, it's almost never a good idea to go crawling back to your ex. It's been two months since my last relationship ended, and for the first month, I really missed her and I was pretty depressed. But that changed once I took a step back, looked at everything that was wrong and how she was acting towards me, and re-evaluated my priorities and goals. Usually when a relationship ends, it's for a good reason, and it's for the better. I realize that it hurts, but it's probably best to let go.
My advice is just to move on. Look for someone else. But do NOT try to replace the person you lost, because you're just fucking yourself over in the end. It helped me a lot, and I'm about to start trying to get serious with another girl.
[QUOTE=riku2211;41325894]Would kind of like a couple more opinions on this, if anyone's got anything to say. Still kind of on the fence about it. I'm more leaning towards doing it, though.[/QUOTE]
So a somewhat similar thing happened to me and I decided to start talking to her with the same intentions of wanting to just be friends.
I'm going to preface this by saying that in my case, she was actually very manipulative and most of my friends and my sister told me I shouldn't get involved again, both when we tried dating for a little bit and when I started talking to her again. Hell, even she told me at one point that she wasn't good enough for me. So take that into account with what I say.
I reacted to the break-up in a similar way since she ended it by texting me that she had a boyfriend after leading me on for a while, knowing full well that at the time that I was new to the whole dating thing and pretty shy.
For a while, it was great. We were good friends before we started dating, and it was like that again. We both went to college and kept texting each other every day from opposite ends of the US. I thought I was fully in control and would remain friends with her, but somehow she managed to flip the table on me over winter break and I started to have some feelings for her. The day before I flew back out for the next semester, we saw a movie together and I felt her up a bit and we held hands and got comfortable for most of the movie.
We kept texting for the first bit of this last semester, but I got mixed signals from her, she was saying things like "you can't fall in love with me" and "you should have kissed me at the movie" at the same time. At some point she managed to get a boyfriend (at an all-girls college, mind you) and basically stopped talking to me. When I started talking to her, I was hoping that she had changed a bit as a person, and when she so quickly dropped the friendship when she got what she wanted made me feel used.
Also, as a side note, the timing could not have been worse, it was one of many contributing factors to my lowest emotional point in the last few years at least.
Trying to be friends with exes is like playing Russian Roulette. Sometimes things go great and you can maintain a nice friendship, other times you'll come out of it feeling like you shot yourself in the face and you have no one to blame but yourself.
So I say it really depends on the girl, and it depends on if there's any chance of either of you having any lingering feelings. Do it if you want, but know that despite how resilient you think you are, there's always the chance that you'll fall back on old feelings.
One of my friends sent this message to the guy I like.
[quote]"Hey, so you're the guy that Hanna is head over heels about right? The one who drives her car sometimes and is making/building her a computer? Yeah, I just wanna let you know that she absolutely adores you, she goes on and on about you and it's getting annoying. So I need you to do something for me, nothing bad or anything, but you reckon you could ask her out? I've asked her to ask you out multiple times but she always chickened out, so I need you to be the man and ask her out, assuming you like her as well. If not, let her down gently... I don't want her crying and being all upset and depressed. So if you don't like her, let her down softly. Thanks man.[/quote]
The guy I like hasn't mentioned anything to me. I haven't seen him since before this message was sent and he hasn't said anything to my friend.
So I'm stuck in this place where I don't know what will happen.
Don't know whether to kill friend or hug them.
kill them
that is massive cringe
[QUOTE=Hana-San;41347994]One of my friends sent this message to the guy I like.
The guy I like hasn't mentioned anything to me. I haven't seen him since before this message was sent and he hasn't said anything to my friend.
So I'm stuck in this place where I don't know what will happen.
Don't know whether to kill friend or hug them.[/QUOTE]
what a dick
[QUOTE=Hana-San;41347994]One of my friends sent this message to the guy I like.
The guy I like hasn't mentioned anything to me. I haven't seen him since before this message was sent and he hasn't said anything to my friend.
So I'm stuck in this place where I don't know what will happen.
Don't know whether to kill friend or hug them.[/QUOTE]
Your friend seems like a dick for doing that tbh
[editline]7th July 2013[/editline]
fuckin ninjas
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
