• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Gulen;41367981]Dude, she said she love you, and you brushed it off, and now you're wondering why she's hurt? Let's imagine this scenario: You tell this girl that you love her (not necesarrily this girl, any girl, or dude, if you're into that), and she answers "Oh, that's cool, I guess" Now, how does that make you feel? [editline]9th July 2013[/editline] Remind me not to drink chocolate milk at your house, like ever.[/QUOTE] No no no, the problem is, that I couldn't know by any means if she was saying I love you (romantic) or I love you (friendly-ish). Then after she told she was hurt I wondered if the meant I love you (romantic) Fucking spanish. So, today I saw her, greeted her and told her "Sabes que? No te quiero...te adoro" and she smiled and said "Yo tambien te adoro". Won't translate it, can't find words in english :P Mmmm...there this thing that may help put things together. A couple of days ago a music professor from the school she used to go died, and she was struck by this. So it could also be that she was....softened, you know? Sentimental so as to say, by this event. Anyway, I asked her out to go to a restaurant tomorrow and she accepted. Zum Siegen Ich los, mein Kameraden. [QUOTE]mexican [/QUOTE] MEXICAN :pwn: I wonder what would an English Brit think if I told him I'm speaking in "American". [QUOTE]i always thought spanish was too cringe worthy and whenever i speak it to someone i cant take myself seriously[/QUOTE] Spanish is very straight to the meaning, like German, but it doesn't sound cool in my opinion. Saying "What you're looking at motherfucker?" is 1000000x times cooler than "Que miras forro?" EDIT: Oh, wait, you're Brazilian...in that case...foda se. EDIT2: Jesus Christ, portuguese also sounds way cooler than Spanish. Just, just hear how Capitan Nascimento talks.
Que miras forro sounds badass. Will use in future conversations. And for what I came for. I don't really know how to word myself properly but every time I'm mad at someone I can't for the love of god get it out at them. I want to be able to tell people to cool off or shut up basically. But I feel so bad for doing it. I have problems with expressing my own meanings and shit like that.
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41353549]Would going with an artist girl to an art museum be a good first date?[/QUOTE] As long as you like it too, and can talk about the art.
I think english can be better than some people like to think, and french is pretty hit-and-miss for sounding good
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41369809]I think english can be better than some people like to think, and french is pretty hit-and-miss for sounding good[/QUOTE] english is great because its so simple. but when i want to be more specific i always prefer other languages it has always bothered me how english has no genders though, and how I have to say "female friend" when I want to talk about, well, a female friend.
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;41370003]english is great because its so simple. but when i want to be more specific i always prefer other languages it has always bothered me how english has no genders though, and how I have to say "female friend" when I want to talk about, well, a female friend.[/QUOTE] That example always seems to come up with this subject, but really compare the amount of work specifying that someone is female and having to remember the gender of every last noun
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41370336]That example always seems to come up with this subject, but really compare the amount of work specifying that someone is female and having to remember the gender of every last noun[/QUOTE] Oh my god this, learning French in school WHY THE CRAP IS MY CHAIR FEMALE OR MALE I FEEL DIRTY SITTING IN IT NOW. Why does everything need a gender, I can get having the specifications with people some but it isnt really that different, he she and such do the same thing. I dunno how you think english is simple though, seems overly complex compared to a lot of other languages
will i get girls if i learn german
[QUOTE=Rhenae;41371242]I dunno how you think english is simple though, seems overly complex compared to a lot of other languages[/QUOTE] Exactly because the languages I know have genders and other stuff. I dont know how hard it is compared to languages that are not heavily influenced by latin, but honestly I always thought it was easy. Perhaps because of how much american culture influences the rest of the world? I don't know. But the thing I've always loved about portuguese is how, while english, spanish and some other languages only have certain sounds, we have almost all. Stuff like how english has that 'american' R, and in spanish you have to roll your Rs, and in PT we have both. Also I don't know anyone that could say a word with "ão" on their first try
My plan to ask this girl out just hit a huge bump The girl [i]might[/i] be with someone already, but they've been friends for like 5 years and I don't know for sure The other thing is that apparently one of my nerdy best friends thinks that they are together which brought up the fact that he feels like he missed his chance to make a move Now I'm in the doubly awkward position of this girl maybe or maybe not already being taken, and then if she isn't and I ask her out then I'm the guy that swoops in and crushes my friend's hopes Everything could turn out alright, but that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable as fuck now
Shit. So she's inviting me over again.
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41372000]My plan to ask this girl out just hit a huge bump The girl [I]might[/I] be with someone already, but they've been friends for like 5 years and I don't know for sure The other thing is that apparently one of my nerdy best friends thinks that they are together which brought up the fact that he feels like he missed his chance to make a move Now I'm in the doubly awkward position of this girl maybe or maybe not already being taken, and then if she isn't and I ask her out then I'm the guy that swoops in and crushes my friend's hopes Everything could turn out alright, but that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable as fuck now[/QUOTE] Never go for a friend's interest. When two bros like the same girl, you both walk away.
[QUOTE=Agoat;41372405]Never go for a friend's interest. When two bros like the same girl, you both walk away.[/QUOTE] or you know, the one who first shown interest [editline]8th July 2013[/editline] or i mean not like that, but it's been a while
[QUOTE=Roof;41372426]or you know, the one who first shown interest [editline]8th July 2013[/editline] or i mean not like that, but it's been a while[/QUOTE] Only if the first one has been invested for a long while.
[QUOTE=Agoat;41372459]Only if the first one has been invested for a long while.[/QUOTE] i was trying to quickly word it like that, but it came out wrong
[QUOTE=Roof;41372508]i was trying to quickly word it like that, but it came out wrong[/QUOTE] Lols, that's my big weakness. Good with words, bad with letters. Strange side note, Imagine Dragons are a good band that you'll enjoy, and that the ladies will enjoy. Walk The Moon and Macklemore should work well, too. [editline]9th July 2013[/editline] Page king? This CD will get you laid. [url]http://open.spotify.com/user/agoat/playlist/6knhmO8nKn0ipre2NkXeWL[/url]
Well the thing is that we've both known her for the same amount of time and I had an underlying interest (that little spark that says to you, "maybe you should take a closer look at this bro") in her this whole time that's only amounted to anything now that I really started to get to know her I'm just gonna go ahead (assuming that the "already taken" issue blows over) and if he feels hurt, I'll just have a talk and explain the whole situation to him and we'll continue being chill The part really going wrong is that I'm making myself feel pretty bad because I'm not encouraging him to grab life by the hojos like I've started to (which is the whole reason I making any moves, and the reason he hasn't yet)
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41372664] I'll just have a talk and explain the whole situation to him and we'll continue being chill[/QUOTE] This will not happen. Either he'll blow up over it or he'll always silently resent you for it. This sort of thing can slowly destroy a friendship. Walk away. [editline]9th July 2013[/editline] I'm off to bed, but "bros before hoes" exists for a reason. Respect your friends, they last longer than relationships.
That came to mind the second this started, and I know I should follow it.
Should I go on Facebook again? I had had a Facebook account for some time (several years of high school and college) but last year I deleted (permanently, none of this deactivation crap) it. There were several reasons for this. I often struggled with depression (especially since I moved after graduating high school) and seeing "all" my friends hanging out with each other - but not with me - often made me feel lonely and left out. In a similar vein, Facebook prevented me from moving on - a year after I moved away, 2/3 to 3/4 of my 'friends' were people that I knew from where I used to live; I didn't really make many new friends (I'm sort of an introvert) and relied on digital connections with old acquaintances. I also was really loath to unfriend people - someone I hadn't seen since eighth grade but made funny posts was still on my list, as were several people I didn't really talk to but had had several classes with. I also spent too much time just surfing around and not really doing anything. I kept on comparing my 'popularity' (especially my witty jokes and brilliant art) with others. Finally, Facebook was making me kind of a jerk. I started disliking people when they (in my opinion) posted like a moron. One of the signs that I needed to back away from Facebook was when I flew into a nerd rage about the portrayal of Bane's character in The Dark Knight Rises as compared to Batman & Robin. Anyways, I've been trying to be more outgoing lately. My friends do a lot of things and I try to join in, but they often plan events through Facebook rather than email or text messages. This means that they often end up excluding me - not through malice but simply because they don't remember to include non-Facebook friends. One of my buddies suggested that I do what he does - make a simple profile that he only uses for communicating such plans rather than general socializing and networking. The thing I'm worried about is what degree to get involved. If I start up on Facebook again I really doubt that I'll stay small-time. Every once in a while I think I spend too much time on Facepunch/Reddit/4chan and decide to quit - delete all the stuff from my history and cache - but I'm back within a few weeks. I also am not that great at denying/excluding people - I suspect that I'll soon have dozens of friends that I don't see on the regular to social network with (or worse, family and other adult compatriots judging what I post to my buddies). What do you suggest? I've managed (needed?) to stay off the social network grid and do just fine for something like a year, but I'm starting to feel that, for certain purposes, it'd be very useful to get back on.
[QUOTE=Agoat;41372527] Strange side note, Imagine Dragons are a good band that you'll enjoy, and that the ladies will enjoy. Walk The Moon and Macklemore should work well, too. [editline]9th July 2013[/editline] Page king? This CD will get you laid. [url]http://open.spotify.com/user/agoat/playlist/6knhmO8nKn0ipre2NkXeWL[/url][/QUOTE] Death Grips is something that all the ladies will enjoy
[QUOTE=Corndog Ninja;41373402] What do you suggest? I've managed (needed?) to stay off the social network grid and do just fine for something like a year, but I'm starting to feel that, for certain purposes, it'd be very useful to get back on.[/QUOTE] I don't know why I'm posting here but here goes.. First off you can't base your life off the lives of your friends on Facebook. I'm sure their lives are just as boring at times, people tend to make themselves look glamorous on Facebook because there is a subconscious feeling that others will feel your more accomplished/loved/etc. If it makes you happy to see your friends funny jokes and things like that why not? Don't mean to be down on you but you gotta feel better about yourself rather then compare to others, who are most likely just vain and exaggerating how great their life really is, underneath it all we are all in the same shitstorm we call life.
You know what, fuck it, I'm going to post here for the first time ever because frankly I don't give a fuck anymore, and my work's healthcare doesn't cover psychiatric care. Where to begin? Well let's start at the beginning. When I was a kid, five or six years old, in kindergarten, (I don't know the proper European equivalent) I experienced my first semi-sexual relationship with another student during nap time. We would lay together and share a blanket, and kiss and hug and feel each other up for however long the nap time lasted; I didn't know her name, we didn't talk, and we did this for months before the teacher eventually found out and forced us to lay apart. I was devastated, and she just went on to some other guy, much to my dismay, before eventually leaving the school for some reason or another. (I still think to this day that it was because her parents found out about what had happened and wanted her to move schools) Well, from that day forward, I tried to replicate that relationship with any other girl I met. I didn't care for relationships, talking or friendship with girls, or guys for that matter, in my eyes I had experienced the only thing I wanted out of life. My dad wasn't there the majority of my childhood, and when he was there, he was extremely verbally and physically abusive, and often blamed me for our shitty financial situation, (since I was an accident as a result of my parents' honeymoon) I ended up becoming incredibly escapist and shy, as well as suicidal, and I'd eventually resort to self harm that I started around the age of seven or eight. I became bitter, and my sense of humor evolved into a dry, cold, sarcasm that emulated my father's insulting, and often abusive, sense of humor. This, mixed with me being insecure as fuck due to gaining a large amount of weight and being generally disinterested in the things most kids were into at my age, meant that I was shy; I acted like an asshole too, arrogant and pretty conceited, especially about my intelligence. I was smart, but because of how insecure I was about myself, and because about unhappy my home life was, making myself out to be superior intellectually was the only way I could make myself feel like I had any worth. Imagine this mixed with my atheistic beliefs, led to some shitty attitude from me. Freshman year of highschool I began to mellow significantly; I was friends with a great looking guy who was able to pull off my sarcastic, dry, asshole humor simply because he was good looking. I began to lose weight, though I was still definitely not thin, and nowhere near in shape, I was at least generally presentable. I toned down my sarcasm, and I made a good number of acquaintances, but I wasn't ever close with anyone. I would eventually meet my first girlfriend through a debate tournament and would proceed down a three year relationship that ultimately led to me being cheated on and dumped after I was forced to move even farther away, (we were originally only 2 hours away, but the move lengthened that to 4) but this breaking up wouldn't happen for about three years. I had about two friends during my highschool life before the move during my junior year, and afterward, about the same amount at my new school, though I was much closer to these two new friends. (though they were manipulative and hardly friends) As I was able to visit my girlfriend less, and we talked less, it was understandable the turn that took. We moved again, and before I could start school in the new state, we moved back to my original home town, and back to my old school for my senior year of highschool. I was generally pretty okay looking, and not too overweight, but I was still way off kilter from how other people thought, so it just didn't go very well. This was about as generally uninteresting as the rest of my story. I graduate life blah blah blah. Then real life kicked in and time passes and here I am. This is all pointless dribble, but the point I'm making is that, never in my life have I ever been out with friends. I've never been close enough, or perhaps my friends weren't really that close to me, but never once have I spent time with another person outside of work or school; my phone has all of 10 contacts, mostly family. Even after making my eHarmony account, I find it difficult to match with anyone, simply because having friends is something that everyone seems to have, though it's something I've never been able to experience. Now here I am and I frankly have been so long through life without spending time with other people as friends that I just don't want friendship anymore; I just want to find that "one" and I'm getting to the point where that becomes much less feasible as time goes on. I really don't know why I'm posting this. Because I'm lonely. Because I'm losing hope. Because no matter how many situations I see posted, they always seem to end with "but my friend did X" and that's when I realize that I don't fit into the story. Because I don't even want friendship anymore. Because I just want to find someone I can talk to on a deep, enthralling, and enjoyable level and know that I support that person and that that person supports me. As time goes by this becomes less and less feasible, and because of the way my opinions are of most social activities, (I feel uncomfortable around parties and alcohol and drug because of my childhood wherein I was raised in my parents' bar) I don't much feel like the chance for me to find real friendship or love is really existent anymore. I just don't know what to do. I can't handle living alone for much longer, but because of my ultra-conserved attitude (despite being both a general nihilist and despite being both an optimist and heavily liberal socially/politically) most of my options are limited just because of how fucked up I am mentally.
[QUOTE=Loriborn;41374160] I really don't know why I'm posting this. Because I'm lonely. Because I'm losing hope. Because no matter how many situations I see posted, they always seem to end with "but my friend did X" and that's when I realize that I don't fit into the story. Because I don't even want friendship anymore. Because I just want to find someone I can talk to on a deep, enthralling, and enjoyable level and know that I support that person and that that person supports me. As time goes by this becomes less and less feasible, and because of the way my opinions are of most social activities, (I feel uncomfortable around parties and alcohol and drug because of my childhood wherein I was raised in my parents' bar) I don't much feel like the chance for me to find real friendship or love is really existent anymore. I just don't know what to do. I can't handle living alone for much longer, but because of my ultra-conserved attitude (despite being both a general nihilist and despite being both an optimist and heavily liberal socially/politically) most of my options are limited just because of how fucked up I am mentally.[/QUOTE] Hey man, first thing's first, you gotta remember that everything will be okay in the end. Don't run yourself into the ground with the belief that you're spiralling into oblivion, because that's simply not the case. Like any major change you want to make in your life, chances are you'll have to leave your comfort zone. Practice being confident in the mirror or something, try to go to random, simple places to practice public interaction. Do you have a job and do you fill your spare time with activities? Doing volunteering of any kind (particularly medical volunteering or something that helps others) can be a [I]brilliant[/I] way of making yourself more self-confident, and can also be a good way of getting to know alot of people. Truthfully, finding a 'true' friend is difficult, and lots of people have very different ideas of what a true friend is so i guess it's entirely down to luck. But the more you put yourself out there, the more people the meet, and the bigger smile you have on your face when you meet them, the more likely you are to make lots of meaningful friendships.
Welp Im definitely not allowed to see my girlfriend anymore, we're not allowed to do anything with each other anymore or see each other. I saw her on Friday and her parents laid strict rules down saying we can't hold hands or kiss, which we broke obviously, but she told me last night that we have to go on an even longer break were we wont be allowed to see each other and were we wont be able to kiss or touch etc. Sucks ass so much.
[QUOTE=Leader of Me;41378866]Welp Im definitely not allowed to see my girlfriend anymore, we're not allowed to do anything with each other anymore or see each other. I saw her on Friday and her parents laid strict rules down saying we can't hold hands or kiss, which we broke obviously, but she told me last night that we have to go on an even longer break were we wont be allowed to see each other and were we wont be able to kiss or touch etc. Sucks ass so much.[/QUOTE] How old are you guys again?
[QUOTE=Bobie;41375201]Hey man, first thing's first, you gotta remember that everything will be okay in the end. Don't run yourself into the ground with the belief that you're spiralling into oblivion, because that's simply not the case. Like any major change you want to make in your life, chances are you'll have to leave your comfort zone. Practice being confident in the mirror or something, try to go to random, simple places to practice public interaction. Do you have a job and do you fill your spare time with activities? Doing volunteering of any kind (particularly medical volunteering or something that helps others) can be a [I]brilliant[/I] way of making yourself more self-confident, and can also be a good way of getting to know alot of people. Truthfully, finding a 'true' friend is difficult, and lots of people have very different ideas of what a true friend is so i guess it's entirely down to luck. But the more you put yourself out there, the more people the meet, and the bigger smile you have on your face when you meet them, the more likely you are to make lots of meaningful friendships.[/QUOTE] Oh believe me, I'm more than self confident, and I do fantastically in public places. My speaking skills are great, I'm (relatively) charismatic despite my average and homely appearance. I am perfectly fine socially, at least with strangers, and I can make "friends" easily and quickly. I've just never made a close friend or had a meaningful relationship with anyone that ever amounted to anything more than small talk or shallow promises. The problem is my interests are totally wacko, my opinions on most social gatherings are even more asinine. Getting a friend is no problem, keeping them interested through the "I don't like parties/alcohol/drugs/concerts/etc" stuff is the hard part. Plus, like I said, my dry, cold, sarcastic humor (which I probably use as a way to deal with some insecurities) pushes a lot of people away or keeps them at a permanent 5-foot distance from ever getting closer to me than the minor small talk when convenient. There have been a few people in my life that understood it and we were decently close, but I wouldn't say we were ever as close as most normal friends are. (never spent time out of work together, only texted about silly things, etc) It's not a problem about confidence, it's a problem with finding someone who is like me, and that's the difficult part. I can find many random, pointless relationships to talk to or even in with for small amounts of times, maybe a few months or years, but the problem arises because there is never any compatibility between myself and other people on a deeper level. I can find thousands of vague, shallow, meaningless friendships, but I just don't want that. My friendships never evolve into anything because my interests and attitude create a boundary between that minor relationship and anything more of value.
maybe you need to loosen your fedora
maybe they're at a 5 foot distance because you stink
[QUOTE=Loriborn;41380109]Oh believe me, I'm more than self confident, and I do fantastically in public places. My speaking skills are great, I'm (relatively) charismatic despite my average and homely appearance. I am perfectly fine socially, at least with strangers, and I can make "friends" easily and quickly. I've just never made a close friend or had a meaningful relationship with anyone that ever amounted to anything more than small talk or shallow promises. The problem is my interests are totally wacko, my opinions on most social gatherings are even more asinine. Getting a friend is no problem, keeping them interested through the "I don't like parties/alcohol/drugs/concerts/etc" stuff is the hard part. Plus, like I said, my dry, cold, sarcastic humor (which I probably use as a way to deal with some insecurities) pushes a lot of people away or keeps them at a permanent 5-foot distance from ever getting closer to me than the minor small talk when convenient. There have been a few people in my life that understood it and we were decently close, but I wouldn't say we were ever as close as most normal friends are. (never spent time out of work together, only texted about silly things, etc) It's not a problem about confidence, it's a problem with finding someone who is like me, and that's the difficult part. I can find many random, pointless relationships to talk to or even in with for small amounts of times, maybe a few months or years, but the problem arises because there is never any compatibility between myself and other people on a deeper level. I can find thousands of vague, shallow, meaningless friendships, but I just don't want that. My friendships never evolve into anything because my interests and attitude create a boundary between that minor relationship and anything more of value.[/QUOTE] I'm no expert in reading people and I obviously don't know you, but to me it seems that you're still, like you said you once were, arrogant, and that keeps you from being more social, not to mention it keeps you from realizing that your REAL situation is not as you might think it is [editline]9th July 2013[/editline] to make it more simple, if you were really as you're describing yourself (self confident and relatively charismatic), you shouldn't be in that situation
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