• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
I think I'm just going to continue being friends with this girl, I would much prefer that to having to deal with this shit
[QUOTE=Loriborn;41380109]Oh believe me, I'm more than self confident, and I do fantastically in public places. My speaking skills are great, I'm (relatively) charismatic despite my average and homely appearance. I am perfectly fine socially, at least with strangers, and I can make "friends" easily and quickly. I've just never made a close friend or had a meaningful relationship with anyone that ever amounted to anything more than small talk or shallow promises. The problem is my interests are totally wacko, my opinions on most social gatherings are even more asinine. Getting a friend is no problem, keeping them interested through the "I don't like parties/alcohol/drugs/concerts/etc" stuff is the hard part. Plus, like I said, my dry, cold, sarcastic humor (which I probably use as a way to deal with some insecurities) pushes a lot of people away or keeps them at a permanent 5-foot distance from ever getting closer to me than the minor small talk when convenient. There have been a few people in my life that understood it and we were decently close, but I wouldn't say we were ever as close as most normal friends are. (never spent time out of work together, only texted about silly things, etc) It's not a problem about confidence, it's a problem with finding someone who is like me, and that's the difficult part. I can find many random, pointless relationships to talk to or even in with for small amounts of times, maybe a few months or years, but the problem arises because there is never any compatibility between myself and other people on a deeper level. I can find thousands of vague, shallow, meaningless friendships, but I just don't want that. My friendships never evolve into anything because my interests and attitude create a boundary between that minor relationship and anything more of value.[/QUOTE] I don't know what to tel you to be honest, because I want the same thing, someone to connect with on a deep and meaningful level. I got this for the first time ever with my first girlfriend, who I was able to have hugely long conversations with about just anything, and could speak my mind about shit that other people would take entirely the wrong way, and well, it was great. We don't talk anymore, but I've been thinking about getting back in touch. Anyway my point is that you, well, have to keep being optimistic. You WILL at one point or another find someone like that, or they will find you, especially if you keep making friends like you've said you have. They may be shallow and generally meaningless friendships, but you never know when one of those friends will actually be a lot like you once you get to know them. This, along with what others said. Zukriuchen is kind of right. I was a similar way when I was with my ex. I thought I knew what I was doing, and thought that the way we handled our relationship was the best for us, but in reality I was being pretty arrogant about it and just thought I was right, even though problems would arise I wouldn't realize how wrong I was until the end. Just take a step back and think about what could be wrong and why. Though, I do get that if you aren't being arrogant and are as you described, it'd still be hard finding someone to connect with. As well as this, it'd be a good idea to give some of these 'shallow' friends a better chance, and get to know them a bit better.
[QUOTE=Loriborn;41380109]Oh believe me, I'm more than self confident, and I do fantastically in public places. My speaking skills are great, I'm (relatively) charismatic despite my average and homely appearance. I am perfectly fine socially, at least with strangers, and I can make "friends" easily and quickly. I've just never made a close friend or had a meaningful relationship with anyone that ever amounted to anything more than small talk or shallow promises. The problem is my interests are totally wacko, my opinions on most social gatherings are even more asinine. Getting a friend is no problem, keeping them interested through the "I don't like parties/alcohol/drugs/concerts/etc" stuff is the hard part. Plus, like I said, my dry, cold, sarcastic humor (which I probably use as a way to deal with some insecurities) pushes a lot of people away or keeps them at a permanent 5-foot distance from ever getting closer to me than the minor small talk when convenient. There have been a few people in my life that understood it and we were decently close, but I wouldn't say we were ever as close as most normal friends are. (never spent time out of work together, only texted about silly things, etc) It's not a problem about confidence, it's a problem with finding someone who is like me, and that's the difficult part. I can find many random, pointless relationships to talk to or even in with for small amounts of times, maybe a few months or years, but the problem arises because there is never any compatibility between myself and other people on a deeper level. I can find thousands of vague, shallow, meaningless friendships, but I just don't want that. My friendships never evolve into anything because my interests and attitude create a boundary between that minor relationship and anything more of value.[/QUOTE] ok shut up the problem is that you make boundaries "maybe you need to loosen your fedora" never say "i dont like parties/alcohol/drugs/concerts/etc." to anyone, even if its the truth. its not the words that matter, its why you say it that matters. that sends a message and usually people will judge you for saying that, they'll think "oh this guy doesn't want to be friends or w/e" getting "close" friends is the easiest thing in the world. you just have to shut up and open up. share something close and personal about yourself and youll find yourself building a connection if there can be one. you're the only one keeping people away, and the first thing you have to do is ditch your useless ego. and im probably the coldest dry sarcastic person i know, the difference is i know how to make people laugh (sometimes), trying to make people laugh shows empathy and social interest. it shows that you fucking care
[QUOTE=Loriborn;41380109]post[/QUOTE] if this is what you think it means to be 'charismatic' you've got another fucking thing coming
Well, oh damn, I think she did realize what I feel for her....and now she won't speak to me nor ask me for help like she used to do 24/7. Back to the same situation I have been every time I liked a girl. Well, got like....50,60 years more to see if somebody likes me. What could go wrong?
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41383649]I think I'm just going to continue being friends with this girl, I would much prefer that to having to deal with this shit[/QUOTE] Update on this, was hanging out with her and some friends and now I know she is in fact taken so I'm just completely dropping the romantic interest and going for friendship which'll be much better in the long run She also offered to have me over to smoke pot, which I have never done before but I'll probably take her up on the offer. Does anyone have any advice for that or should I head over to DD
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41388075]Update on this, was hanging out with her and some friends and now I know she is in fact taken so I'm just completely dropping the romantic interest and going for friendship which'll be much better in the long run She also offered to have me over to smoke pot, which I have never done before but I'll probably take her up on the offer. Does anyone have any advice for that or should I head over to DD[/QUOTE] smoke all of it take the whole blunt cuz its ur first time [i]trust me[/i]
[QUOTE=ZenX2;41388075]Update on this, was hanging out with her and some friends and now I know she is in fact taken so I'm just completely dropping the romantic interest and going for friendship which'll be much better in the long run She also offered to have me over to smoke pot, which I have never done before but I'll probably take her up on the offer. Does anyone have any advice for that or should I head over to DD[/QUOTE] just be chill about it and don't go with a "what if it goes wrong" mentality and you'll be fine.
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;41388188]just be chill about it and don't go with a "what if it goes wrong" mentality and you'll be fine.[/QUOTE] The only thing I can think of that might go wrong is that I take ADHD medication that doesn't react well but I've been off it for a few weeks now because it's summer
[QUOTE=Rhenae;41379196]How old are you guys again?[/QUOTE] We're both over 18.
Man, I have no idea why, but I am having the biggest fucking existential crisis at the moment it's not even fucking funny. I'm in school for Architecture at the moment, which I truly have a love for. At the same time, however, I think that if I could just do music all the time, I would be the happiest person on the planet. I love music in almost every form that it takes, but the stress of having to make a living would probably literally kill me. What's the point of doing something that makes me a lot of money if I'm not doing what actually defines me as a person?
[QUOTE=ewitwins;41390002]Man, I have no idea why, but I am having the biggest fucking existential crisis at the moment it's not even fucking funny. I'm in school for Architecture at the moment, which I truly have a love for. At the same time, however, I think that if I could just do music all the time, I would be the happiest person on the planet. I love music in almost every form that it takes, but the stress of having to make a living would probably literally kill me. What's the point of doing something that makes me a lot of money if I'm not doing what actually defines me as a person?[/QUOTE] making a living making music is so easy, its just you have to put in a lot of hard work and you have to tour if you dont want a day job
[QUOTE=thisispain;41390012]making a living making music is [b]so easy[/b], its just you have to put in a lot of hard work and you have to tour if you dont want a day job[/QUOTE] I... [b]WHAT[/b]. What experience do you have to back this up? I'm not talking guitar or bass in some boy band. I'm talking classically trained in both saxophone and piano, as well as jazz experience with alto, tenor and soprano saxophone. I've heard [b]horror stories[/b] about people trying to make a living out in the music field, but every bone in my body aches for it.
my experience is playing live music, done it since i was like 15 and lol you play jazz? the jazz circuit is the easiest circuit to earn money from omg i dont know where you are but in california earning money from playing jazz is incredibly lucrative, you can earn excellent sums of money just playing random gigs in the wine country ive played in boy bands too i can tell you earning money is a lot harder in a boy band lol
Shit, maybe I should give it a shot on the gap-year between my undergraduate and graduate degree, I had no idea. Man, fuck. All I wanna do is play music and work with animals. [editline]10th July 2013[/editline] And maybe design some houses on the side or something.
[QUOTE=Leader of Me;41389186]We're both over 18.[/QUOTE] what the fuck, shouldnt you both be able to decide of your own business and not leaving it to her parents?
So wait I just discovered that women have to get expensive doctor appointments to get birth control like that's the only way someone explain to me right now why the fuck this is a thing. [editline]10th July 2013[/editline] no literally I never knew this because that is the most fuck-retarded thing that I've heard in existence please help [editline]10th July 2013[/editline] why the fuck cant you just go to a counter and buy it I don't understand why you have to go to a doctor to ask to look at your vagina, say no, and still get the pills
I guess I understand the point of the initial checkup but my gf is telling me she has to go back every year to pay $500 just to say "dont touch me" when they ask to see her vagina, ask her if she smokes and that's it.
she has to though for reasons outside of baby-prevention, is the thing 20 euros you're kidding me okay is this just an all-American thing? Or just a specific case from my city?
surely this cant be new to you
what's new to me is the fact the only place to get doctoral checkups for that around here is charging $500 for asking two questions when in not only other countries, but other fucking parts of the US charge $35-$100 [editline]10th July 2013[/editline] failed to mention, it's $500 [I]with[/I] insurance
[QUOTE=Corndog Ninja;41373402]Should I go on Facebook again? I had had a Facebook account for some time (several years of high school and college) but last year I deleted (permanently, none of this deactivation crap) it. There were several reasons for this. I often struggled with depression (especially since I moved after graduating high school) and seeing "all" my friends hanging out with each other - but not with me - often made me feel lonely and left out. In a similar vein, Facebook prevented me from moving on - a year after I moved away, 2/3 to 3/4 of my 'friends' were people that I knew from where I used to live; I didn't really make many new friends (I'm sort of an introvert) and relied on digital connections with old acquaintances. I also was really loath to unfriend people - someone I hadn't seen since eighth grade but made funny posts was still on my list, as were several people I didn't really talk to but had had several classes with. I also spent too much time just surfing around and not really doing anything. I kept on comparing my 'popularity' (especially my witty jokes and brilliant art) with others. Finally, Facebook was making me kind of a jerk. I started disliking people when they (in my opinion) posted like a moron. One of the signs that I needed to back away from Facebook was when I flew into a nerd rage about the portrayal of Bane's character in The Dark Knight Rises as compared to Batman & Robin. Anyways, I've been trying to be more outgoing lately. My friends do a lot of things and I try to join in, but they often plan events through Facebook rather than email or text messages. This means that they often end up excluding me - not through malice but simply because they don't remember to include non-Facebook friends. One of my buddies suggested that I do what he does - make a simple profile that he only uses for communicating such plans rather than general socializing and networking. The thing I'm worried about is what degree to get involved. If I start up on Facebook again I really doubt that I'll stay small-time. Every once in a while I think I spend too much time on Facepunch/Reddit/4chan and decide to quit - delete all the stuff from my history and cache - but I'm back within a few weeks. I also am not that great at denying/excluding people - I suspect that I'll soon have dozens of friends that I don't see on the regular to social network with (or worse, family and other adult compatriots judging what I post to my buddies). What do you suggest? I've managed (needed?) to stay off the social network grid and do just fine for something like a year, but I'm starting to feel that, for certain purposes, it'd be very useful to get back on.[/QUOTE] As an social network user, I don't see how it is possible to have a social life without Facebook. The most important thing to remember about any social network is that its a tool for networking and communicating, not a substitute. All of my facebook use is planning and recapping events, I rarely conduct my social life on it.
Facebook is just so freaking great for just about everything. F message people whose number I dont have, I can keep in contact with people (which is specially good for me since I was an exchange student in the US so I have a lot of friends from there) and stay updated, and it's also great for events and stuff
[QUOTE=General J;41391448]what's new to me is the fact the only place to get doctoral checkups for that around here is charging $500 for asking two questions when in not only other countries, but other fucking parts of the US charge $35-$100 [editline]10th July 2013[/editline] failed to mention, it's $500 [I]with[/I] insurance[/QUOTE] hahaha paying for doctors
I still don't get how the US doesn't have single-payer yet. I can't imagine putting a price tag to my health and well-being.
Its amazing that even basic healthcare such as birth control is so extortionate.
B-b-but basic healthcare for everyone is socialism muh freedomes
500 $ for a visit at the gynecologist? Holy fuck. Oh the joys of universal healthcare. I'm getting root fillings / tooth removal (depending on how bad it is) something around 150 €, if not even less.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;41394284]500 $ for a visit at the gynecologist? Holy fuck. [/QUOTE] Probably not even that specialised, GPs tend to deal with that kind of thing.
It cost something like $1,700 to have my wisdom teeth removed, if not more. It's ludicrous. On another note, I played strip pong with a friend two nights ago because our two lady friends were on a Skype video call and they told us to. I suck at ping pong. (luckily we agreed to not go beyond the briefs)
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.