Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;41485077]I honestly hadn't even considered this. [I]Fuck.[/I]

She's a very open person, and a great friend, so I'm wondering if it'd hurt to voice these concerns. Realistically, moving in with her was my best option just in general, since neither of us had the income to get separate places to live.[/QUOTE]

What would voicing your concerns accomplish except make her feel uncomfortable? "Hey, since we're moving in and all, I really hope you don't bring dudes home to fuck because it would hurt my feelings." She's put in a lose-lose situation. Either she doesn't bring dudes home just to avoid upsetting you, making her feel like she's a prisoner, or she brings dudes home and feels like a terrible person about it.

There is no solution to this. Voicing your concerns would do nothing except confirm the fact that moving in together is an absolutely horrible idea.

Better to find a place you have to struggle to afford on your own than move into a place with her, have shit hit the fan (which it will), and end up having to pay for a 2 bedroom place all by yourself because there's no way she's gonna want to be there with your mopey ass.

[Boss]

Cant see how a person who is "ready" to move out cant realise how much of a shit storm he's walking into if he goes ahead with his plan.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41480586]This.

That shit is going to destroy you. Maybe not instantly, but it will eat away at you from the inside out.

Moving in together is a terrible, terrible idea. Unless you're paying all the bills and therefore allowed to set the rules (even then it's a shit idea) it will be nothing but heartbreak for you. Living with a girl you know you have feelings for no matter how much you try to deny them, watching her bring home guys to fuck and/or coming home in the late mornings/afternoons looking like a mess after she stayed at some dude's place.

Are you really ready for that? Ready to hear the sounds of some guy plowing away at a girl you've cared out for a long time? Just try to imagine it and see how it feels. Then you'll understand why moving in together is such a horrible idea.[/QUOTE]

or he can just deal with it and not be such a drama queen

[MaverickIB]

In a perfect world that would be an option. But let's be honest, the kid isn't able to do that.

[vlad]

I'd be pretty bummed out if someone I lived with and liked would bang others at our place. No matter how much I had accepted only being friends.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41487542]In a perfect world that would be an option. But let's be honest, the kid isn't able to do that.[/QUOTE]

the "kid" will understand that doing things that are hard in order to continue with life is an important part of progressing and maturing.

sure it might be hard the first time and fp is always open in case you want to complain about that

but eventually youll fucking get over it, as long as you let yourself fucking get over it.

[quote]Realistically, moving in with her was my best option just in general, since neither of us had the income to get separate places to live.[/quote]

dont drop what is otherwise an utterly rational and very smart move just because you want to dramatize and legitimize your feelings.

[ewitwins]

So I know this isn't related to girls or sex or whatever, but I thought you guys might get a kick out of this.

I just finished fixing an old geiger-counter from the '60s (it's got a wand and a box and everything, cool stuff) and we grabbed one of my dad's old radium-dial watches to test it. Of course, the watch sets the watch off and everything's good and fine, until we put the watch away. I forgot to detach the wand from the geiger counter and when I set it on the carpet the thing goes [b]absolutely nuts[/b].

So basically now my father is all paranoid about our house being saturated with radioactive Radon gas that might be slowly introducing my entire family to low/medium doses of radiation, and has just run out to buy an Radon Gas test kick.

[i]yaaaaaaay[/i]

[NoDachi]

beepity boo

cancer for you

[Ignatius]

snippity snoop

This was too creepy after I re read it.

In other news I haven't seen my Girlfriend in over 2 weeks because she likes getting into arguments with her parents who then prevent her from leaving the house.

[yawmwen]

hey guys i'v been having a hard time in life lately. not a lot i want to get into but i'v been feeling a bit lonely and miserable. i'v been content to sit in my room for about the last week just listening to sad music and basically wallowing in angst, but that's starting to get a bit tiring.

unfortunately i have some social anxiety issues. i also am pretty shy and quiet, i hardly even talk during many conversations and feel a bit stifled. does anyone have a bit of advice for how i can overcome this and start to meet new people? at the very least i think by putting myself in situations where i have an opportunity to talk to more people i can get better at it, and hopefully more comfortable.

not that you guys want to spoon-feed me the answers to everything, but i was wondering if you guys knew places where people can go to meet new people with not a lot of pressure. i thought about going to bars or clubs, but it would feel quite odd to enter a bar alone and immediately come up and start talking to another group of people. i could go find hobby groups as well, i guess, but my hobbies are mostly playing guitar, strategy pc games, and thinking about political/social philosophy. sorta lonerish activities people don't often build groups around(except the political stuff which i am involved in to a degree).

it's sorta strange. i don't really have a ton of problem talking to people in a more "professional" sense. if i am at a meeting i generally don't have a problem expressing my concerns or discussing issues, or if i'm at work i don't usually have trouble communicating to co-workers about stuff that needs to be done. it just seems that, especially lately, i seem to have trouble relating to people personally, to allow myself to joke around, make small talk, bullshit, etc.

it's pretty easy to just give up and be lonely all the time, but the world won't give me any sympathy for self-induced isolation so i might as well work on moving forward.

[vlad]

Not trying to come of wrong here, but do you have anyone you could go to right now? An old friend? I'm pretty much in the same situation like you after I "fucked" up and prioritized my ex above anything else. Was with her for pretty much a year and a half, only her. No one else. Break up occurred and I had no one. I lived like you did for a little while (I still do but things are getting brighter now).

What I did was to contact a friend of mine who was a good friend of me before I got into the relationship. Got some contact with him and we ended up doing some trips to a nearby town on bike and played some games together. We would sit on skype for hours and play, which was pretty fun usually. Got a little fed up by that since that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I didn't want to sit on my ass and only have friends to play with. Neither did that guy contact me at all. It was usually me who took contact. Sometimes he wouldn't even respond to me at all. I broke off contact about 2 weeks ago and he haven't sent any messages, which makes me question our friendship.

After that I became lonely, yet again. I would usually sit on my ass listening to music while sitting in front of my computer all week. Luckily another REALLY old friend who is gonna take the same classes as me after the summer took contact. We didn't talk that much, but I realized I could just talk to him and make a better friendship between us. And that's where I am at right now.

My mother also helped me with meeting another girl (2 years old than me) who is struggling with the same issues as me (social anxiety etc). She have been over twice.

My advice to you is that you shouldn't just jump into it (you can, but it'll be really uncomfortable). My plan for the future right now is to befriend old friends and "use" them to find new friends. Create a little network of friends where I'll connect to node after node.

[yawmwen]

i really don't have many old friends. in fact, the reason why i'm so lonely now is because, over the course of about 6 months, the friends of mine i have known the longest have separated from me. people i have basically relied on for a decade aren't around anymore. i can get in touch with some friends i went to college with, but scheduling meetings with them is tough considering they have tons of schoolwork and live over 100 miles away.

i am also going to live with a friend's family that has basically taken me in when i have been kicked out/homeless in the past since the dad is a contractor who gives me work when he can. that's great, but i still tend to feel pretty lonely and isolated around them over prolonged visits. and it's sorta awkward because the friend who's family i'm staying with is someone who has decided to separate from me, and idk if she is gonna be there at all. i don't even know if i wanna see her again, since i'm still pretty bummed about our parting, and it might sorta open fresh wounds.

i don't want to jump in to anything either, really. if i do too much too quickly, my anxiety will probably get the better of me and i will probably regress more. still, i want to start taking steps that will help me become a more sociable person.

[thisispain]

i was in that situation every time i moved (ive moved a lot)
getting more involved with the political stuff is an excellent way to meet new people, i meet tons of weird freaks just going to green party meetings lol

usually it gets a lot easier once you just befriend someone who is sociable. they open you up to a lot of new people.

[Zareox]

I find work to be a great method of getting of a slump. Not only do you stay busy through the work itself, you have the opportunity to get to know your co-workers and depending on the work, customers as well. I find staying active through work and school is more rewarding than just going out and doing things with friends sometimes. I just started working about a month ago and so far it's been great. I feel better and am staying busy which is great. I was nervous meeting new people at work, but since I was placed with a trainer to help me learn the basics of the workplace, I got to know her first, and she helped introduce me to the other co-workers which made the transition easier.

[yawmwen]

yea working tends to help me out too. unfortunately i am pretty uneducated, have low qualifications, and so my line of work(manual labor) tends to be very seasonal and very spotty. i feel alright spending a week working, but then i have a week or two off just sitting around staring at the walls, trying not to spend all my money.

i still have a hard time actually making any friends at work. people are acquaintances, and we all get along fine, but i'm not usually the one people come up and ask to have a beer with at the end of the day. it's fine with me, i work for money and empowerment, not for friendship.

[Zareox]

One thing that sucks about a break-up is trying to get some of your shit back from your ex's house. I dunno if she's doing it on purpose, but I feel like she's stonewalling me everytime I try to get my Magic the Gathering cards back from her house. I try to make it as easy as it can be. I tell her to just leave it on her porch and she doesn't even need to be home. She was like, oh yeah you can get them this weekend. Then the weekend came and she happened to be busy all weekend and couldn't leave them for me to grab. Now she says I have to talk to her brother to get them and she can't do anything about it. Seriously, just give me the damn cards so we can be rid of each other for good.

Hopefully this weekend, I can get the shit sorted out and get them.

[dmillerw]

[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41486873]What would voicing your concerns accomplish except make her feel uncomfortable? "Hey, since we're moving in and all, I really hope you don't bring dudes home to fuck because it would hurt my feelings." She's put in a lose-lose situation. Either she doesn't bring dudes home just to avoid upsetting you, making her feel like she's a prisoner, or she brings dudes home and feels like a terrible person about it.

There is no solution to this. Voicing your concerns would do nothing except confirm the fact that moving in together is an absolutely horrible idea.

Better to find a place you have to struggle to afford on your own than move into a place with her, have shit hit the fan (which it will), and end up having to pay for a 2 bedroom place all by yourself because there's no way she's gonna want to be there with your mopey ass.[/QUOTE]

Why do I get the feeling you've never dealt with someone who has some ounce of common sense, especially if you think that voicing some legitimate concerns would be a bad idea. She's a close friend of mine, so why in the hell wouldn't I?

Answer, I would, and I did. No harm came of it, I voiced my concerns, and she'll take them into account. She knows what I mean when I say it might make me uncomfortable, given that she deals with the same thing from time to time.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;41495584]Why do I get the feeling you've never dealt with someone who has some ounce of common sense, especially if you think that voicing some legitimate concerns would be a bad idea. She's a close friend of mine, so why in the hell wouldn't I?

Answer, I would, and I did. No harm came of it, I voiced my concerns, and she'll take them into account. She knows what I mean when I say it might make me uncomfortable, given that she deals with the same thing from time to time.[/QUOTE]

chill out man no need to lash out

I mean you'll get over it but maverick is at least right in the sense that if 'voicing your concerns' to her were to make her feel guilty about bringing guys over then it would not be a good idea to do so

its up to you in the end so lets not get all narky at people trying to help no matter how much you disagree with them

[MoarFunz]

I bought my girlfriend a 200$ Dr. Martens cause I care about her health and spine.

am i good bf?

[Tennisball]

so guys you're on a first date to the cinema with a girl do you put your arm around her or what ???

[PollytheParrot]

[QUOTE=Tennisball;41498741]so guys you're on a first date to the cinema with a girl do you put your arm around her or what ???[/QUOTE]

Depends. If the chemistry feels right then yes, if you feel like its going awkwardly or if the girl's uncomfortable then no

[MaverickIB]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;41495584]Why do I get the feeling you've never dealt with someone who has some ounce of common sense, especially if you think that voicing some legitimate concerns would be a bad idea. She's a close friend of mine, so why in the hell wouldn't I?

Answer, I would, and I did. No harm came of it, I voiced my concerns, and she'll take them into account. She knows what I mean when I say it might make me uncomfortable, given that she deals with the same thing from time to time.[/QUOTE]

You mean no immediate harm came of it. Wait until she feels like you're silently judging her every time she brings a dude over because she knows you have feelings for her.

Good luck. I really hope you're the exception and everything turns out hunky dory. But don't go around placing money on it.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=MoarFunz;41498049]I bought my girlfriend a 200$ Dr. Martens cause I care about her health and spine.

am i good bf?[/QUOTE]

200 for dr. martens lol

[343N]

I am terrible at generating conversation
help

[Kartoffel]

So a girl I hardly know (as in 1 conversation only) walked up and poked me in the back when I was browsing for something to eat/drink.

Can some of you experts tell me what this means? Was she just being pushy or something? Someone I know thinks she has a crush on me but I'm not certain.

[robmaister12]

[QUOTE=Kartoffel;41503815]So a girl I hardly know (as in 1 conversation only) walked up and poked me in the back when I was browsing for something to eat/drink.

Can some of you experts tell me what this means? Was she just being pushy or something? Someone I know thinks she has a crush on me but I'm not certain.[/QUOTE]

Poke her back when she's not paying attention and find out.

[editline]18th July 2013[/editline]

Seriously, though, an irl poke war with a girl is fun

[thisispain]

poke or be poked its a WAR out there son lock and load

[vlad]

I just came to the realization that I don't know what to do with my life.

I've been thinking what I should be doing is to create a new social network around me so I can get some friends. Problem is that the people I'm currently trying to build up a friendship with are people who are alone as well. It feels like I'm just going in a dead end. They're not the people I want to become "friends" with to be honest. Our personalities and mindsets are so different that it is embarrassing. Yesterday I went out with two of them, and it was really embarrassing due to their behavior in public. I know I should appreciate that I at least have someone but I just can't. I have a hard time appreciating what I have because it's not what I want to have one could say.

Then when I start thinking into the future, what kind of friends do I want? I know that I don't want to have what I currently have due to their behavior, but I can't think of a kind of friend I'd like to be around. And even if I get a friend who behaves like a "normal" person, then what? What do I do with them/him/her?

I don't feel like I have a goal in life, which I'm very dependent on. If I'm supposed to do something which does not have a goal for me, then I'll have a hard time completing the so said task.

Not am I happy with myself either, not even close. Am I doing my hair properly? Should I become more fit? Do I eat too much? Am I walking properly? Is my stance correct? Do I eat properly? Do I look any good in these clothes? What do people think of me? Will I even be able to get new friends? Why not just isolate myself?

I'm not too worried about having a girlfriend anymore simply because I don't really know how I should behave in a relationship right now. How often can I see her? Will I be able to get rid of my possessive attitude towards a new girl? Why bother when it isn't permanent?

I really don't know where to start. Even if I manage to even out my life, then what is the point of life? Be with friends? Be happy? But what is it to be happy? What is my meaning here in the world?

[Kartoffel]

[QUOTE=robmaister12;41503980]Poke her back when she's not paying attention and find out.

[editline]18th July 2013[/editline]

Seriously, though, an irl poke war with a girl is fun[/QUOTE]

The last thing I want is to be yelled at or something, although I delivered a swift a vicious poke on facebook.

[editline]18th July 2013[/editline]

The war is on, I guess?

[editline]18th July 2013[/editline]

Oh God, she responded.

The war IS on!

[Tennisball]

[QUOTE=Tennisball;41484952]Well the two of us are now going to the cinema on thursday!

so yeh, this is really happening. fuqq[/QUOTE]

went really, really well.

basically after some texts we're now seeing eachother but taking it slow. rly happy, she's like my dream girl