Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
Everyone is your dream girl at first. Hello infatuation. Enjoy it.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41505568]I just came to the realization that I don't know what to do with my life.
I've been thinking what I should be doing is to create a new social network around me so I can get some friends. Problem is that the people I'm currently trying to build up a friendship with are people who are alone as well. It feels like I'm just going in a dead end. They're not the people I want to become "friends" with to be honest. Our personalities and mindsets are so different that it is embarrassing. Yesterday I went out with two of them, and it was really embarrassing due to their behavior in public. I know I should appreciate that I at least have someone but I just can't. I have a hard time appreciating what I have because it's not what I want to have one could say.
Then when I start thinking into the future, what kind of friends do I want? I know that I don't want to have what I currently have due to their behavior, but I can't think of a kind of friend I'd like to be around. And even if I get a friend who behaves like a "normal" person, then what? What do I do with them/him/her?
I don't feel like I have a goal in life, which I'm very dependent on. If I'm supposed to do something which does not have a goal for me, then I'll have a hard time completing the so said task.
Not am I happy with myself either, not even close. Am I doing my hair properly? Should I become more fit? Do I eat too much? Am I walking properly? Is my stance correct? Do I eat properly? Do I look any good in these clothes? What do people think of me? Will I even be able to get new friends? Why not just isolate myself?
I'm not too worried about having a girlfriend anymore simply because I don't really know how I should behave in a relationship right now. How often can I see her? Will I be able to get rid of my possessive attitude towards a new girl? Why bother when it isn't permanent?
I really don't know where to start. Even if I manage to even out my life, then what is the point of life? Be with friends? Be happy? But what is it to be happy? What is my meaning here in the world?[/QUOTE]
Ditto. I've been asking myself many of the same questions and then some. The biggest thing bugging me is the fact that no careers at all interest me and I'm also not especially good at anything, so what the fuck do I do with my life? I basically have no purpose. So I [I]guess[/I] my purpose is to find the answer to those questions but it doesn't really seem like so much of a purpose.
I guess in the end I'd say you just want to be happy. The better question is what it is to be happy and how to get there. Pondering it doesn't really help, though, just makes you feel worse.
[QUOTE=riku2211;41510510]Ditto. I've been asking myself many of the same questions and then some. The biggest thing bugging me is the fact that no careers at all interest me and I'm also not especially good at anything, so what the fuck do I do with my life? I basically have no purpose. So I [I]guess[/I] my purpose is to find the answer to those questions but it doesn't really seem like so much of a purpose.
I guess in the end I'd say you just want to be happy. The better question is what it is to be happy and how to get there. Pondering it doesn't really help, though, just makes you feel worse.[/QUOTE]
The hard part, which I feel at least, is finding a place to start. Things will most likely piece it self together once a person figures out where he's gonna start. What really bothers me though is that I never had these thoughts before. :v: I'd be "stupid and happy".
I feel that I might have a chance to befriend a girl who I recently got to known. She have been over for drinks and BBQ earlier. I pussied out both times I was supposed to come over to her though due to my social anxiety. But it feels so wrong to befriend her. We're both in two really different parts of our lives (I feel that way at least). She's two years older than me and is done with school, which I'm not.
One thing which really puts me down is my insecurity about myself. I've been through a lot to say the least. Bullying (physical harm and verbally attacked), backstabbed by my closest friends, people in class calling me stuff (people I barely knew and people I knew) and generally commented on. I had a rumor on me through out entire elementary school and middle school. People looked at me as the "fat loner" (used to be overweight, led to anorexia which I'm still struggling with) so it was really hard for me to get friends.
If I could just build up the courage to go buy some new clothes I'm certain that my life would become better just by doing that. I feel incredibly stupid wearing what I have right now. Makes me wonder what people think of me so I don't really enjoy going out where there are a lot of people. But I really want to get more outside, so it's a huge dilemma for me.
I feel really bad for not commenting much on what you mentioned but I don't really know where to start. :v: I'd toss in a helpful word or two for you, but we're both seeking the same answer.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;41509995]Everyone is your dream girl at first. Hello infatuation. Enjoy it.[/QUOTE]
well with other girls it's been like "oh we don't really have loads and loads in common but i really like her". this time it's not like that at all.
either way, i fully intend on enjoying the infatuation.
luckily infatuation is the funnest part
[QUOTE=PredGD;41510783]The hard part, which I feel at least, is finding a place to start. Things will most likely piece it self together once a person figures out where he's gonna start. What really bothers me though is that I never had these thoughts before. :v: I'd be "stupid and happy".
I feel that I might have a chance to befriend a girl who I recently got to known. She have been over for drinks and BBQ earlier. I pussied out both times I was supposed to come over to her though due to my social anxiety. But it feels so wrong to befriend her. We're both in two really different parts of our lives (I feel that way at least). She's two years older than me and is done with school, which I'm not.
One thing which really puts me down is my insecurity about myself. I've been through a lot to say the least. Bullying (physical harm and verbally attacked), backstabbed by my closest friends, people in class calling me stuff (people I barely knew and people I knew) and generally commented on. I had a rumor on me through out entire elementary school and middle school. People looked at me as the "fat loner" (used to be overweight, led to anorexia which I'm still struggling with) so it was really hard for me to get friends.
If I could just build up the courage to go buy some new clothes I'm certain that my life would become better just by doing that. I feel incredibly stupid wearing what I have right now. Makes me wonder what people think of me so I don't really enjoy going out where there are a lot of people. But I really want to get more outside, so it's a huge dilemma for me.
I feel really bad for not commenting much on what you mentioned but I don't really know where to start. :v: I'd toss in a helpful word or two for you, but we're both seeking the same answer.[/QUOTE]
I dont see why stage of life matters just to be friends, I have lots of friends from work and places who are various stages of life. Hell some of my closest friends are old people.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;41513027]I dont see why stage of life matters just to be friends, I have lots of friends from work and places who are various stages of life. Hell some of my closest friends are old people.[/QUOTE]
I might just be coming with excuses, I don't know. The thought makes me uncomfortable even though I want to become her friend. I'm not used to just jumping into it and saying "hey" :v:
I posted yesterday in SGF&S about how my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I was pretty sad and mopey and decided to go to bed early.
Well oddly enough, last night I dreamed that I met this mystery girl (figment of my imagination) and we started talking and she sat on my lap and we kissed right in front of my now ex. It made me feel really happy all of the sudden. I was pretty bummed when I woke up and realized I was dreaming, but now I feel surprisingly optimistic. It's like all I need now is to find someone else to reciprocate my feelings. I know it was just yesterday that we broke up and I still like(d?) her even though she didn't feel the same way anymore. But I think my subconscious is telling me that I'm already ready to find someone new. Now I just have to look for that someone and hope for the best.
So, I met a girl and had a wonderful time, it was the most happiest time in my life
then I woke up
The next chance I get, I'm going balls to the wall and asking her out
My anxiety have been growing stronger the last two months. Only a few weeks ago I'd jump at every opportunity to do something but now I'd rather isolate myself.
Greetings thread. I hope nobody minds if I bump this thread so I can get some advice.
So, at my previous job, I met this girl. I have no idea how we started talking, but she is pretty nice, kinda quiet, law student, looking to make something of herself, maybe a little socially awkward, etc. I got her phone number in October (ish) and talked to her a few times here and there.
Now, I've talked to her enough that I know I would like hang out, maybe go on a date with her, see where things could possibly go.
I wanna ask her to hang out (at which point is if all goes well i'll just be like "hey would you wanna go on a date with me on X day doing Y activity?") but if she says no, do I just keep asking every so often when I'm free, or do I just ask once and leave it alone?
[QUOTE=gerbile3;41526481]Greetings thread. I hope nobody minds if I bump this thread so I can get some advice.
So, at my previous job, I met this girl. I have no idea how we started talking, but she is pretty nice, kinda quiet, law student, looking to make something of herself, maybe a little socially awkward, etc. I got her phone number in October (ish) and talked to her a few times here and there.
Now, I've talked to her enough that I know I would like hang out, maybe go on a date with her, see where things could possibly go.
I wanna ask her to hang out (at which point is if all goes well i'll just be like "hey would you wanna go on a date with me on X day doing Y activity?") but if she says no, do I just keep asking every so often when I'm free, or do I just ask once and leave it alone?[/QUOTE]
if she flat out says no and makes it obvious that she's not interested, then you leave her alone
if she just says she's busy or something then it's perfectly acceptable to just suggest another time
What options do I have in a situation that involves alcoholism and the anger issues that come with it? My dad flew off the handle for something completely asinine (my sister left some lint on the dryer, long story short there was a physical alteration as a result that I just broke up).
He has been convicted of felony battery before, also as a result of alcohol consumption. This was 4 years ago. It's kind of a bad position for everyone else in the house, because he's the breadwinner, so we're reluctant to call the police, especially since this episode was rather minor, but it's certainly an option. I just want to know if anyone has any other ideas.
Is it normal to think that being good at talking to girls and dating is something that's unattainable for me? Feels like the cards I was dealt in life don't include those things. Maybe I'm just being melancholy or something, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while
[QUOTE=Glitch360;41527978]Is it normal to think that being good at talking to girls and dating is something that's unattainable for me? Feels like the cards I was dealt in life don't include those things. Maybe I'm just being melancholy or something, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while[/QUOTE]
its totally attainable. its just the mindset that you have. slowly build up to it and push yourself out of the thought of rejection. have an objective just to have fun when talking, regardless of who they are.
[QUOTE=koppel;41483904]so my ex is basically saying the she is horny and she needs the d, but i dont know, im thinking she wants to get me back with this shit..
to be honest i would have already banged her , but she doesnt have her own place, neither do i,
update
well actually she has empty grandmother apartment next to the house she lives, and she asked if we could be friends with benefits
i dont know what to do, but i think im gonna go over there friday[/QUOTE]
i did it yesterday , wham bam and good bye
[QUOTE=Glitch360;41527978]Is it normal to think that being good at talking to girls and dating is something that's unattainable for me? Feels like the cards I was dealt in life don't include those things. Maybe I'm just being melancholy or something, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while[/QUOTE]
I was socially awkward and couldn't talk to girls for the majority of my life. I used to think the same way, that I was just dealt those cards, it was never going to change.
If you never try to change it, it will never change. I forced myself out of my comfort zone. I couldn't talk to girls, made myself look like a fool every time, but I did it anyways. I forced myself to do it despite how stupid I looked. Slowly but surely, my skills improved. Didn't happen overnight, didn't happen in a year, happened over many years of continuous trial and error. Got rejected a metric fuckton of times. Made myself look like an idiot a metric fuckton of times. But I stuck with it.
Fast forward a handful of years and it's second nature to me now. Talking to women is one of the easiest things in the world for me now. It comes naturally, because I developed it naturally. If you try to develop it by reading books or doing bullshit artificial PUA shit where you "fake it till you make it," then it will always be artificial. But if you just throw yourself out there and learn everything you need to know through experience, you develop your own personality, you become unique. I am not the most charming man in the world, not the funniest, far from the most attractive. But I am unique. When I interact with girls, they tell me they've never met a guy like me. Because I didn't follow some stupid guideline to talking with women, I didn't learn to "neg" them twice for every compliment or some bullshit like that.
Put yourself out there. It will be uncomfortable. It will be difficult to do, every approach is going to take standing there and convincing yourself to do it while you shake and breathe heavy in nervousness. And when you talk to them, you will stutter. You will say dumb things. But keep doing it. Keep putting yourself in those situations despite how uncomfortable you are. Don't take any advice beyond that. Don't let guys tell you, "Dude you need to act like an alpha by insulting them and stuff bro," or whatever. Be yourself. Of course you don't want to hit any extremes, like constantly complimenting them and being a doormat in desperation, don't compromise your pride. But be yourself. If you're a charming dude who feels uncomfortable "negging" girls, then don't fucking do it. In that same light, if you're an asshole and your style of humor involves insulting people, then by all means, be that person. If you're awkward and make strange jokes, then fuck, let that be who you are. There's no right or wrong. You just need to be yourself and let how you interact with women develop in its own natural way.
That way, if someone comes along and actually ends up having feelings for you, you'll know they like you for who you really are. If you are pretending to be confident or some PUA shit, they will have feelings for the person you are pretending to be, not who you really are. Yeah, you might not "score" as much as some dude who has dedicated his life to putting on a facade in order to manipulate women. But every relationship you enter will be far more genuine than anything that guy will ever find in his life.
Well, I'm ready to get back into the dating scene. After my girlfriend basically went all depressed on me and refused to let me help her and just broke it off, I'm moving on.
What are some ways to make yourself confident to a girl? There's this girl on my friends list I've always wanted to talk to and never really went for it.
[QUOTE=Dysentery;41526539]if she flat out says no and makes it obvious that she's not interested, then you leave her alone
if she just says she's busy or something then it's perfectly acceptable to just suggest another time[/QUOTE]
hm seems straight forward. I'm gonna ask if she wants to hang out tomorrow, see how things go. If well, I'll ask her out, if they don't go well, I wont.
I'm sure nobody has as interesting as a social life that I picture them having in my mind, but I mean is something like "oh hey lets go grab some good and chat and shit" okay?
[QUOTE=Zerokateo;41543716]Well, I'm ready to get back into the dating scene. After my girlfriend basically went all depressed on me and refused to let me help her and just broke it off, I'm moving on.
What are some ways to make yourself confident to a girl? There's this girl on my friends list I've always wanted to talk to and never really went for it.[/QUOTE]
Confidence is just being comfortable in your own skin. If you act like yourself, you will automatically appear confident. If you want to talk to that girl, then talk to her. Trust me, if you actually
"try" to appear confident, she will think the exact opposite. Just be yourself, like whoever you are amongst your friends (provided you are yourself around them and not putting on an act to look cool). If she doesn't like you, oh fucking well, on to the next one. If she does, then you won't have to think, "Oh god how am I gonna keep this up?" because it's who you really are.
[QUOTE]I'm depressed, have severe social anxiety and suspect that I have insomnia.
It really sounds like a case of insomnia due to me not being able to fall asleep. I've struggled with falling asleep since pretty much forever, however it have become much more serious the last year. I'm at the point where I lie in bed for 4-5 hours before falling asleep or simply not falling asleep at all. I feel tired through out the day, and when no one wakes me up I can easily sleep for 12-16 hours and still feel tired. This is becoming a huge problem for me. Last school year I had about 70 days and 78 hours away due to this problem. I'm lucky that I'm still in school. The year before that I had around 30 days and 40~ hours. I've been taking circadin pills (sleeping pills with the natural hormone melatonin for those who doesn't know what it is) without much luck. Even taken as much as 3 pills at once without being affected. This issue alone makes me not want to live anymore.
Is there anything I can do to fix this? I'm starting to lose hope. My family is incredibly frustrated about my issue and my father, who doesn't live with me, is saying that my mother most likely will break down soon and send me over to him.
I'm extremely unhappy with myself as well. Things which I have always gone through worries me and I'm afraid I'm doing it not doing it "normally". Am I doing my hair properly? Am I eating correctly or weird? Am I walking properly? Do these clothes fit me? What does everyone think of me? My answer to all this is negative. I can't see anything positive with myself. I know for sure that I can fix one of the issues by buying clothes I actually feel comfortable in but the problem is that I'm anxious to buy clothes. Will people comment or think that I'm weird for buying that and that? Will it actually fit me? Is it too big or too tight?
Two months ago me and my ex broke up. She was the one who broke up and I still miss her everyday, although not as intense as before. Before our relationship I never had any suicidal thoughts compared to now. I was still really unhappy and insecure about myself though. Therefore I see this relationship as a "negative" thing. My old friends have such a different mindset than me. They behave like children. I've matured a lot during the relationship and I just don't fit in with my old friends anymore. So right now I'm really lonely, which is just great for my social anxiety and depression. I feel no point in living anymore. I don't see the reason behind living.
As I was listening to a song while playing through my playlist, the words "bottle and a gun" came out of nowhere. So I imagined myself sitting in a chair, with a bottle and a gun. Taking my own life. I felt this comfortable shiver flow through me as I pulled the trigger in my imagination. As if I was "free". I've been thinking a lot of suicide before, even attempting it earlier (never thought of trying again), but now the thoughts of actually doing it is starting to appear. I'm afraid but at the same time not. I feel that it's better than living through what I currently have.
Figured it'd be nice to add this.
During elementary school I was bullied for 2-3 years everyday. This was both physical harm and verbal abuse. They were about 4-5 guys I believe? Those against me. They would walk with me home from school, hitting me, throwing stuff at me, pushing me out in the road and calling me shit. Wasn't any better in school either. Classmates would also comment me and verbally attack me. A girl I barely knew usually sent messages like "ugly", "freak" and "idiot" to me for no reason. I have no idea if my thoughts are actually true, but during middle school I felt that everyone knew me as the "fat loner" (I was overweight during elementary school). So I felt insecure about myself pretty much everyday. Felt that people judged me all the time. So I resorted to the internet (back in elementary school). I became addicted and lost a lot of friends.
tl;dr, everything about me is wrong and I want to end it because I'm such a miserable loner.[/QUOTE]
shameless quote from the mental disorders & illness thread because it's so incredibly inactive
[QUOTE=PredGD;41547045]shameless quote from the mental disorders & illness thread because it's so incredibly inactive[/QUOTE]
Well fuck, I don't know what to say, other than to keep holding out. I don't know, a couple months ago right when school ended I got literally suicidal, I lied in bed for hours and hours after school got out, and went so far as googling ways to do it and even looking around my house to see if we had a gun. I didn't know if I'd do it if I found a gun, I just wanted the option. To have one thing that made me feel like I had control over something. I don't have the option, for the most part. Now at this point I still don't see a lot of reason in life but I guess I've managed to get into a place where I'm sort of content enough not to think about it too often. I don't really want it anymore and I feel like things could get better but I don't really see how. I guess my point is that if you just keep holding out and trying harder to get past the negativity, you'll realize how shrouded your mind was.
As for social anxiety, I don't really know what to say either. Don't care, I guess. That's probably the stupidest advice I could offer but I've got nothing else :v:. If you just convince yourself when you're eating that you're probably just overreacting and are more than likely eating perfectly normally, then you eventually do start to feel better about it. Failing that, convince yourself that no one gives a shit and even if they did why should you give a shit that they give a shit?
Uhg, I don't really feel like I'm helping a whole lot but I wanted to say something. This is a little bit out of my league if you know what I mean. I do hope things get better, though.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41547045]shameless quote from the mental disorders & illness thread because it's so incredibly inactive[/QUOTE]
It honestly sounds like you need to start going out and seeing the world, meet new people, etc.
Other than the whole sleeping issue, it sounds like you're a miserable person because YOU made yourself that way. Cut the internet out of your life, start hanging out with what friends you do have more, find a hobby to occupy yourself, etc. Just start going outside more in general. Anything to take your mind off suicide and your ex, and I believe that sooner or later you'll forget about them comepletely.
Just my 2 cents imo, and if none of this sounds good, go see a psychiatrist and talk about your problems to them, venting may even help.
Don't you even think about ending it dude
so, me and this girl met before we did a year as exchange students in the US (in different places), though we only talked irl like once before that. we texted each other like everyday for that whole year, talking about random stuff and complaining about things, because our exchange years werent really as good as we were hoping.
anyway, fast forward to about a month ago, when it ended and we all went home, and we were actually in the same flight. after we said goodbye to each other though, we didnt really talk much. now, instead of answering my messages right away on facebook she takes a while, and after some time stops replying. was the only reason she texted me so much while on the US because she hated it, and really needed emotional support? i really dont know why she'd just stop talking to me like that. i dont really have any romantic interest on her, i just think she's a really cool person and i cant understand why she'd do what she's doing.
[QUOTE=PredGD;41547045]shameless quote from the mental disorders & illness thread because it's so incredibly inactive[/QUOTE]
Hey. I know life seems hard, and I know how depression can make you feel. But the best advice, which is definitely the hardest advice, is to just keep your head up and continue moving on. It's completely opposite to how you feel right now, but I guarantee you it's the right thing. You need time and change. You have to force yourself to keep looking at the positives. I swear to you, that this will help over time. It's the only way that I've been able to drive myself out of my low points. You can also find things to vent out your anger and sadness. As weird as it sounds, I found listening to music while I cleaned the house very therapeutic.
I've been having some trouble with my social skills and over a period of time, thought to myself, "I should seriously make a change and do something about it." I've looked for answers throughout the internet but there is nothing related to my problems so I went here to my primary hub, on Facepunch, for some vital assistance. And here we are. I've been having a depressing life lately - stuck in my room and pushing myself down into the depression pit. I had self-motivation to create 3D models in Blender and playing a acoustic or electric guitar but this won't cut it. I want to do something more than that and have some friends to talk to. I'm that kind of person who is very tall - 6'1 and still growing whose one-head taller than my friends - with broad shoulders and a large structure. I'm basically a gentle giant who is very silent and who intends to be guilty whenever I do something wrong or by accidently making someone feel bad which leads to embarrassment. This gets in the way.
School is upcoming in one month and I am that person in the corner of the classroom who is quiet. I have bad humor aswell so I can't crack a joke - well, sometimes. Any advice, people?
[QUOTE=TheAlkaline;41548543]I've been having some trouble with my social skills and over a period of time, thought to myself, "I should seriously make a change and do something about it." I've looked for answers throughout the internet but there is nothing related to my problems so I went here to my primary hub, on Facepunch, for some vital assistance. And here we are. I've been having a depressing life lately - stuck in my room and pushing myself down into the depression pit. I had self-motivation to create 3D models in Blender and playing a acoustic or electric guitar but this won't cut it. I want to do something more than that and have some friends to talk to. I'm that kind of person who is very tall - 6'1 and still growing whose one-head taller than my friends - with broad shoulders and a large structure. I'm basically a gentle giant who is very silent and who intends to be guilty whenever I do something wrong or by accidently making someone feel bad which leads to embarrassment. This gets in the way.
School is upcoming in one month and I am that person in the corner of the classroom who is quiet. I have bad humor aswell so I can't crack a joke - well, sometimes. Any advice, people?[/QUOTE]
find people with common interests, the guitar for example
I legitimately hate everything about my life and have nothing in it for me. Clinical depression coupled with high functioning autism makes my favorite past time sitting around and smoking whatever.
I want to die.
[editline]21st July 2013[/editline]
I also have school coming up in around twenty days and I'll need to try my hardest not to throw everything I have at this one guys face.
I have always viewed suicide as a waste of freedom. I mean, it's tough for me to respect someone choosing the option of suicide in general, but to waste the freedom not caring about your life brings you is what upsets me even more.
If you don't care about your life anymore, you are free to do whatever you want. Go take out a HUGE payday loan. Fuck it, you're not gonna have to pay it back right? Use that money to go wherever the fuck you want or do whatever the fuck you want to do. None of your bills or other obligations matter anymore. You don't even need to let people know where you are going, you were gonna leave them suddenly anyways so why should you? Just fucking take off.
I'd go to Chernobyl and hunt pigs in the red forest with a bigass fucking knife until the radiation kills me or some shit. Jump out of a plane butt ass naked (though you'd have to either lie to the pilot or pay him a whole shitload to get up into the air in the first place). Go do running with the bulls. Go to Somalia and kill some fucking pirates or something.
Because at the end of the day, you don't give a shit if you live or die right? So go do something incredibly fucking awesome with that. Don't be a dipshit and hang yourself in a closet when you can get your head chopped off by a pirate on camera like a fucking badass.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
