Empty your bladder, it has been a while after all.
Check last known crew activity.
Shoot the computer, those things are fucking useless, and will eventually end up trying to kill you anyways.
START SLAMING DAT MACHINE AND YELL, NO I HAVE NICE PRETTY TEETH, NO I HAVE NICE PRETTY TEETH
See if the teacup has anything left in it, if so, drink it.
Set the computer on mute, search the skeleton for anything else, preferrably a credit card. Take the torn robe, it will make you look like you're on the verge of death or a wanderer, and lots of chicks dig that...
Thread:/> Come back to life.
Please do.
after a very long moment of thought, you decide to press the big blue button.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/G2SZh9Q.png[/img]
the universe shifts, or perhaps you shift through it, you have a hard time deciding as your main thought is that you would very much like to empty the contents of your stomach.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/qqnJeJb.gif[/img]
suddenly the universe stops, or you stop, you still can't tell.
you feel like utter garbage, and the ships computer chimes in,
"oh hey guy, it looks like you found the improbability drive, i am VERY happy for you that it worked better than it did for the last guys to use it, and as for your mounting feelings of pain and discomfort don't worry too much, it will be my Pleasure to restore normality and prevent your excruciating death, it should only take a few moments, try not to break yourself in the meantime."
[img]http://i.imgur.com/vCXWFg3.png[/img]
>Break yourself
Relax
turn the oncoming missiles into a whale
Launch a large quantity of hash-browns at the penguins floating by.
you decide to relax, you soon feel a familiar wrenching as reality shifts
[img]http://i.imgur.com/ko8I4UG.png[/img]
now that everything is back to normal, you begin to feel that this computer isn't all bad. that is until it mentions that the infinite improbability drive seems to have dumped you into the ocean on some planet somewhere in the universe
[img]http://i.imgur.com/laJerPx.png[/img]
Why, take off, of course!
naturally, you decide to take off, heroically pointing in the air for emphasis, however when you order the computer to take off it...
notifies you that further transport is currently impossible due to the infinite probability drive having used all of its Brownian Motion producer
[img]http://i.imgur.com/17ktWrl.png[/img]
a sperm whale surfaces and seems to mock you
Go fishing for lobsters?
> FIRE [b]ALL[/b] WEAPONS AT THE WHALE! NO ONE MOCKS YOU!
you decide to fire [b][u]ALL[/u][/b] your weapons at the whale, as nobody but [b]NOBODY[/b] mocks the great Admiral Pulgil!
however after a quick search for weapons you determine that this ship seems to lack any weapon systems, but nevertheless, you draw your zapomatic(s) and fire with great gusto upon the whale, reducing a large part of its head to smouldering whale chunks.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/yVl5vmd.png[/img]
that'll teach him, except it wont as he's dead
type in UP,UP,DOWN,DOWN,LEFT,RIGHT,LEFT,RIGHT,B,A,START
you somehow type in UP,UP,DOWN,DOWN,LEFT,RIGHT,LEFT,RIGHT,B,A,START, because even without a control you do what you want
[img]http://i.imgur.com/w9ffxIu.png[/img]
the world shifts, and you find yourself standing in a strange and ugly room, with some moron who seems to be chronicling your life on an extremely primitive computer system from the 21st century and doing a terrible job at it.
strangely you feel like you've cheated somehow
Use the crystals you took with you to power up the ship again.
kill the bastard! now you are the [B]boss[/B]
Sneak into his kitchen and grab a cup of hot water.
Examine the photo frames first.
> Kill the person at the computer with your BEAR hands.
i feel like this references a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy... not sure.
Kill the guy and use his computer to accurately tell the tale of your life up until this point, creating an infinite loop.
knock the guy out, draw a crapton of whores on his computer at the area you are at. make them your vanity army and have them guard you at all times. kill any female that doesn't have STDs, for they have no experience...
Ctrl-A>Delete
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