Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v7 - General

[QUOTE=imasillypiggy;32707211]We all know its you Roll_Program. [editline]9th October 2011[/editline] Apparently not.[/QUOTE] That part was me. oh you edited your post

More confessions man, you've literally got 100 I bet

[QUOTE=Ban Camp;32707237]That part was me.[/QUOTE] [i]Anonymous[/i] confessional. [sp]It was obviously you from the start since you're such an attention whore though.[/sp]

[QUOTE=Ban Camp;32707237]That part was me. oh you edited your post[/QUOTE] are you trying to be laughed off the forum why would you say "hey you know that weird creepy story? yeah that was totally me :smug:"

[QUOTE=flyschy;32707263][i]Anonymous[/i] confessional. [sp]It was obviously you from the start since you're such an attention whore though.[/sp][/QUOTE] Thanks, I try oh so hard. [editline]9th October 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=Hamsterjuice;32707265]are you trying to be laughed off the forum why would you say "hey you know that weird creepy story? yeah that was totally me :smug:"[/QUOTE] There are worst.

[quote]When I was a little kid, my older sister had a cat named Tigger. Cute little orange cat. My older brother and me tortured it for kicks. Not physical beat the shit out of it torture, but we stuck it in the toilet, chased after it, threw stuff at it, scared it, that kinda shit. Eventually we made it run away, and we never saw it again, and I just feel so awful. I was like 6 at the time or whatever, and I regret it to this day as one of the worst things I ever did.[/quote] I think I have something similar but not really a confession deserving of being anonymous (so don't get angry that its not Anonymous ) but when I was in kindergarten the teacher had one of those incubator things for chickens and me not knowing what a weird switch on the top of it did I twisted it. But as soon as I did that I felt like I did something really wrong so I tried to twist it back to where it was. The next day the teacher sadly told us that someone messed with the switch and because of that turned up the heat on the incubator frying the chickens alive. I never said it was me and I knew I should have told the teacher when I touched it and to this day I feel really bad about that. inb4 someone makes a fried chicken joke.

I seriously think that if anyone says that their confessional is theirs, or says its someone elses, they should be banned. it's called [B][U]ANONYMOUS[/U][/B] for a reason.

[QUOTE=tehfrog;32707451]I seriously think that if anyone says that their confessional is theirs, or says its someone elses, they should be banned. it's called [B][U]ANONYMOUS[/U][/B] for a reason.[/QUOTE] If they want to release their identity I see no problem with it.

[QUOTE=Nibwoddle;32706170]Oh fuck[/QUOTE] Whoever this person is, you better be a girl or else I'm gonna buy a gun.

It wasn't obvious to me it was you, so please, keep it anonymous, nobody wants to know about your dragon fetish.

[QUOTE=barttool;32708916]It wasn't obvious to me it was you, so please, keep it anonymous, nobody wants to know about your dragon fetish.[/QUOTE] However, we [I]all[/I] want to know about your porn fetish. Please, enlighten us.

[QUOTE=WastedJamacan;32709022]However, we [I]all[/I] want to know about your porn fetish. Please, enlighten us.[/QUOTE] Yes, Please do.

What's all this about a weird fetish?

goddamn kids

[quote]Hey. I've previously submitted, and it was published on the first page. It was the "I'm gay and nobody knows" confessional. Well, guess what? I came out to my best friend today! I didn't really know how to say it, so I gave her hints until she said "YOU'RE GAY?!" and I yelled back "YES! YES I AM. AND I'M SERIOUS! I'M GAY". It was at that moment that she jumped up from my couch, ran over to me, and attacked me with a hug. "OOHHH MYYY GAAHHHDDD!!! [name] YOU'REE SOOOO CUUUTEEE! I LOOOOVE YOU SOOOO MUCHHH!" along with other variations of phrases being yelled in my ear as she hugged me occurred. It was probably one of the happiest moments of my life. I'm seriously glad that I did it. It was a great day. [/quote] Congratz, I know the feeling! I have also noticed that when girls find out that I am gay they want to immediately be friends with and are really happy that I am.

[QUOTE=Bordercrosser;32711846]Congratz, I know the feeling! I have also noticed that when girls find out that I am gay they want to immediately want to be friends with and are really happy that I am.[/QUOTE] Its because they don't see you as a threat. You become non-creepy.

[QUOTE=bobthe2lol;32711868]Its because they don't see you as a threat. You become non-creepy.[/QUOTE] Yeah, and they assume that I like everything they like (which is mostly true) and go after the stereotype.

"I'm [I]bored[/I]. All the girls around here want to talk about boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment, and not the fun stuff like ribbons and unicorns." Example of stereotype.

[quote]Right, here we go. There's this girl, who is my best friend, and I really like her, and want to go out with her. We always go the cinemas together, and whenever we visit, we always end up cuddling eachother on the bed just watching movies and talking shit, but we've never really talked about anything more than friendship. This has been going on for nearly 2 years now, but still, we are just friends. However, We've both started college this year, and I'll be honest...there's a lot of temptations at college, I've got friends, and the thing is, there are girls who are interested in me at college now. The thing is, I am afraid of asking out these girls at college now, because I feel in some way, I'd be unfaithful to her, even though we've never really said that we're anything more than friends. I don't really know if we are just friends anymore, or if she wants to take it further...She always seems to talk a lot about unspoken love, and that it's the best kind of love, but it was always related to the movies we were watching, and I was never sure if this meant anything between us, or she was just genuinely commenting on the movies. We are both complete social turtles, She was always the kid who sat in the corner and doodles for the entire lesson, while I was usually the kid who was sitting next to her and doodling too... The problem is, that with college now, I don't know whether to keep trying with her, even though I'm not sure if we are just really good friends and nothing more, never will be, or do I actually ask out a girl at college, even though I feel like I'm being unfaithful to a girl who I never really said I'm going out with. The other problem is of course, if I do go out with someone at college, then it means that I have to stop hanging out with her as I do now, or I'd feel unfaithful to the girl at college, which is another annoyance...What should I do?[/quote] Next time you go to the cinema and you start hugging, kiss her, if she kisses back, then you should make it work with her, if not, then don't push it, but that's your signal to start trying with someone else. Or alternatively ask her how she would feel if you went out with someone else.

[quote]Well, I couldn't find a reason to talk about this shit, but the other day I drank my piss. Now, every now and then at night when the neighbors are asleep, I'll go out back and just piss myself. It's quite arousing, I enjoy making a mess of myself and that release and warmth and whatnot, but I never drank it, till now. I just did my normal thing, but in a bottle. Unfortunately it was incredibly heavy piss, you know what I mean, where it's really dark and it stagnates with the smell of urine. I had set my mind to doing this, though, and even though I was scared, I downed it. Nastiest shit EVER. Okay maybe light urine tastes better but this just UGH I could barely drink any and I couldn't stop coughing, felt like I was gonna puke. It was so god damn gross, and I do NOT recommend it. Just stick to pissing your pants instead.[/quote] hot

[QUOTE]I am an internet stalker. I have a folder on my computer, with a text file of text information, pictures of them, and other things for each member of facepunch which I can get significant information about. Whether it's their IP address, their location, where they vacationed last September, or their real name, I put it in a file of their username. I analyze photographs for any evidence (addresses, significant land marks, etc.). I have so much information of a few people, I could probably go to their house right now. I even know where some people work. I'm not sure what I would do with this information either.[/quote] I am never going to post any of my personal information again.

[QUOTE]I am an internet stalker. I have a folder on my computer, with a text file of text information, pictures of them, and other things for each member of facepunch which I can get significant information about. Whether it's their IP address, their location, where they vacationed last September, or their real name, I put it in a file of their username. I analyze photographs for any evidence (addresses, significant land marks, etc.). I have so much information of a few people, I could probably go to their house right now. I even know where some people work. I'm not sure what I would do with this information either.[/QUOTE] Hmm. Hey could you PM the stuff you know about me? I won't grass you up I'm just interested of what I have gave away on this site

shit shit shit i don't wanna get molested at school by somebody from the internet

don't worry you're not sexy enough

[QUOTE=imasillypiggy;32707304]I think I have something similar but not really a confession deserving of being anonymous (so don't get angry that its not Anonymous ) but when I was in kindergarten the teacher had one of those incubator things for chickens and me not knowing what a weird switch on the top of it did I twisted it. But as soon as I did that I felt like I did something really wrong so I tried to twist it back to where it was. The next day the teacher sadly told us that someone messed with the switch and because of that turned up the heat on the incubator frying the chickens alive. I never said it was me and I knew I should have told the teacher when I touched it and to this day I feel really bad about that. inb4 someone makes a fried chicken joke.[/QUOTE] Why would an incubator even be able to turn up that hot? That's just like how half of a shower's knob is the setting for "devil's piss".

[QUOTE=rinoaff33;32720860]Why would an incubator even be able to turn up that hot? That's just like how half of a shower's knob is the setting for "devil's piss".[/QUOTE] so people can have boiled eggs durr

[QUOTE]Here's the story of something I'm really embarrassed to talk about and a really old, vague memory. A gay "experience" I had in 3rd grade (I guess?). So anyways, about that time, I started getting random boners, like all boys do. I was extremely curious about it and it really felt..weird. So I tell one of my best friends about this, he tells me he has been getting these boners too. So somehow we come up with the marvelous idea of showing each other's penises while getting a hard on, we go to the back of the school, tuck ourselves in a small, abandoned room there was, and there we flash each other's dicks. I still can't figure why we thought it'd be a good idea, and didn't actually think it was bad at that moment. I forgot about it, I guess he did too cause we never mentioned it. After we grew up and went to 7th grade, we stopped talking to each other, and became enemies, I started listening to rock and shit and pretty much stopped being friends with everyone in my classroom. Until one day all of the sudden the memories hit me, I was so fucking embarrassed and still am, and I guess he's too. It didn't really make me question my sexuality, as I'm constantly falling in love (but so far failing) with chicks. Well, that was that, wanted to get that off my chest. thanks FP.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Hi, I have made a hobby of buying people's souls..I created a long, boring, pointless contract with careful wording to say "By signing this contract, you agree to forfeit your soul, and all exclusive rights to its use, transfer, and purchase to the current holder of this contract," and gotten 5 signatures (on the back, there's nine slots for multiple people to sign the contract. 5 are filled at the moment, and it's ever-growing. I'm adding more pages for slots later. I will sell the contract for a large amount of money some day. I've done it before and got nearly 500.00$ USD. It's funny though, because I'm not a Satanist or anything, despite the pentagrams and satanic symbols all over the paper - I'm merely non-religious. I hope to one day own a thousand souls, and sell it for enough money to buy happiness. :) I got a pastor, a police officer, two kids at the mall, and my friend to sign it. They didn't even ask any questions, they just said, "Alright, where do I sign?", smiling. If it's this easy, I can buy the souls of everyone at a church by just saying, "SIGN UP FOR FREE WORD-OF-GOD PAMPHLETS," and watching all these poor, damned souls gather to sign away their souls. Hell, if I were even crueler, I'd require it in blood (but that would look too suspicious) so I just carry a black pen around with it at all times. You never know when you'll see an innocent old woman who deserves to be damned to suffer in hell for her entire life! (I don't believe in hell, but damn it'd be funny if it really did exist and this contract really was binding!) Anyways, that's my confession - I have made a hobby of buying people's souls. [/QUOTE] Do it online, everyone would scroll down and just press agree. [QUOTE]I'm kind of a whore. Not in the sense that my office is the street corner, thank god, but I can't help letting people take advantage of me. Thankfully that doesn't happen so often in real life because in real life people maintain some level of decency, but I've been a man-slut to so many guys online, guys I don't even like, guys I find ugly, guys who are older than me, doesn't matter. I get so depressed from it but I just can't stop.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Alright, so here we go. I was born in Calgary, in Canada. I'm 17 and still a virgin. My family and I went to the petting zoo with the younger kids in my family. (11 and 8). Basically, we were walking passed the giraffe exhibit when I saw the most fucking incredible giraffe you'd ever see. Not kidding, you know those commercials where they advertise the fuck out of their meat products? PRIME 100% ALL ROUND CANA-MERICAN BEEF. That was the fucking giraffe, except honestly that awesome. I knew I had to fuck that giraffe, anyway. About 20 minutes later I snuck into the giraffe exhibit, honestly I was caught pretty fucking quick. I climbed onto the giraffe as people yelled at me over megaphones. I did the most batshit thing I could ever do, I wrapped my arms and legs around the giraffe's neck and scurried up. I grabbed it's mouth, and began to kiss it. Keep in mind, my family had caught up. The security guys got me as I was coming back down, and I was kicked out. Seriously FP, I need that giraffe in my life, I don't think I could handle living without it. I got grounded for about 2 months and am currently being sent to a therapist. ADVICE.[/QUOTE] Sneak back in, steal the giraffe. [QUOTE]So Facepunch, here's a story I think you might find interesting. not mine, It's a story from my uncle. Me and my uncle are really really close, I consider him my second father. he introduced me to a lot of bands I listen nowadays, and he's a pretty chill guy, but he's gay. It used too bother me before as I was raised in a very closed-mind family, but now I really don't care. One day out of courage, I ask him: "Why do you think you're gay? when did you realised about it? he then proceeded to tell me this story I'll share with you: Back when he was 10 years old, mid 70's, he lived in this very large farm, owned by his (my) family, all that's is since gone. Our family was very rich, millionaire, in fact. They raised chickens and shit, and they had loads of ilegal colombian immigrants working in the farm. One day one of these colombian workers called him to go help him carry some bags to feed the chicken, he then leads him in a room that served as a deposit for food, closed the door and there he raped him. he then threathens him with a machete not to tell anyone or he'd come at cut his head off, and told him to be back every thursday to that same place. He, being an insecure child didn't tell anyone, and the incident happened around 10 times. sometimes other men and women were there, watching the scene, cheering the situation, taking pictures. The man and his family were later kicked out of the farm because they were caught stealing money from my grandma's bedroom. This scarred him for life and confused him a lot on his sexual identity later on his teenage years, and when he realised how awful it really was, he didn't tell anyone because t was too hard for him and the damage had already been done. As he grew up, he tried dating girls, but it didn't work out for him, then he realised he was gay. The only people he has told this story has been my mom and me, and told me not to tell anyone about it. he told this to my mom because she almost got raped by the same man, he told me she was sleeping when she feels her pants pulling down, wakes up and sees the man and a woman, stands up quickly and runs out of the bedroom, as she left she heard the man say "Damn, almost got her". She then proceeded to tell my grandma about it but she didn't believe it, as the man had been working for 5 years already and she appreciated him. I didn't believe this part at first when he told me, but years later my mom told me the same exact story one night she got drunk. And there you have it, hope you found that interesting. TL;DR I ask my uncle why he's gay, he tells me he was raped as a child.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Hey, it's the schitzo-ish guy again. This morning felt like one of the worst I've had in years, because of yesterday. Normal day, got woke up by my dog, thought I must have left my door open. Went to school, played around with my dog before I left, though. When i came home, he was waiting for me on my bed, he jumped onto me and licked me like mad, I fell over from the weight- he was always a large dog. after I finished my dinner, then my homework, I dropped him a treat on the floor and I heard him chew on it happily before I turned in. This morning, I wondered where he went- then I realised he was put down on new years eve. I started crying right there... R.I.P jasper, the big o' strong dog who I miss too much.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I've sent a confession to you before, but I have to say something here that I didn't mention before (there's other things I wanted to say but forgot - oh well). I had the weirdest, WEIRDEST fucking dream about two weeks ago. It's the only dream in, say, three years that I have actual memory of, although after this time it's obviously a bit foggy. I'm going to try to recall it, because, for all its weirdness, it makes me wish fervently that I could lucid dream at will. So, where to start? It all began like a normal day - I remember me sitting at my desk, playing Starcraft II (I'd had a little marathon of it that day, so this isn't very surprising). I spammed a shitton of ultralisks and killed a bunch of pesky marines. All of a sudden, without transition (but it didn't seem weird to me while I was dreaming, of course) I was walking through what appeared to be...a Wal'Mart. Yes, a fucking Wal'Mart, a place I haven't been to in almost a year. I noticed kind of absent-mindedly that I was no longer "me" - I was instead...my (female) Facepunch avatar. No, seriously. The dream was still in first person rather than that weird out-of-body external view that sometimes happens but you don't even think is weird while you're experiencing it, though. I somehow "knew" that the person just in front of me was someone I was escorting - you know, in retrospect, my memory is even more foggy than I thought, because I'm not even sure if I'm telling this in the right order. Anyways, a guy that looked suspiciously like Bruce Lee, shirtless and all, complete with cheesy sound effect and "WA-CHA", jumped out at us out of nowhere. I ended up having a slow-motion fight with him - I literally experienced the slow motion. It actually felt like I knew what the hell I was doing, too. I ended up kicking his ass, and...I don't exactly remember what happened to him, he just sort of disappeared. Anyway, after that, I remember walking through this awesome-looking city that was suspiciously similar to the Imperial City from TESIV: Oblivion, but with narrower paths. Basically, think the Imperial City crossed with a city from Assassin's Creed and it'll be fairly accurate. I walked through this kind of shadowy area and saw a sign that said "Mage's Guild" (I don't know why, they didn't even show up anywhere else in the dream). I entered into a somewhat Arabic-looking room judging by the fancy arched patterns on the walls (they're called grotesques, I think). I weaved my way through a somewhat convoluted series of hallways and ended up in a HUGE ASS room - I looked up and saw a gray stone ceiling so far up that it was foggy up there, and sunlight poured down in a few spots where the stone was missing. There was a giant ass Egyptian pyramid (pretty much life sized) in the center of the room, and basically, the entire room had the appearance of a place under construction. I was suddenly walking alongside other people at this point around the outside of the pyramid. We talked, but I don't remember what we said - I don't even remember the sound of my voice, but it wasn't mine, which felt weird even during the dream. It was around this point that I was finally starting to become lucid. I was wandering through some more brown-stoned, Arabic-looking hallways when another Bruce Lee wannabe jumped out at me (in retrospect, this sounds even stupider than I thought it would), and we had another slow-motion fight scene. I remember this one a lot better, but I can't be assed to describe it verbatim. Suffice to say, I won, and, once again, he sort of disappeared. Then, I remember being in a sort of dark, foggy, smallish room with several people, including a black guy standing in the middle of it. I remember something about him saying that he and his partner/teammate/whatever near him was trying to capture us, but instead, we captured him by kicking his henchman's ass. I remember this last part of the dream best - I was almost fully lucid at this point, probably because I was about to wake up. I was standing near the wall in a nightclub sort of room, similar to the one we'd been in but complete with flashing multi-colored lights. This part gets a little...odd. I saw several of my friends from school in there, and two of the girls were having what appeared to be an orgy with the guys we captured. For some really strange reason, I also remember Abe Lincoln being there - yes, THE Abe Lincoln. He had an AK-47, too. I recall one of the girls saying (it was in her real voice, too) "Why don't you have sex with him, Lincoln?" to which every guy in the room (except myself - I was completely silent, and I'm not even sure if I was "me") said "AW HELL NAW." I also remember her pulling her shirt up...and just before her breasts would have popped out, I heard an all-too-familiar voice. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU KIDS DOING?" yelled my old high school science teacher. The music and lights stopped, and he began to rattle off some kind of punishment that we would have to follow - I can't remember the exact words, but I remember a serious sense of dread going through me. And then I woke up. I sat up in my bed and went "WTF was that and what the hell have I been smoking." The end.[/QUOTE] Learn how to lucid dream, post more. [QUOTE]I met this really gorgeous, venezuelan girl through my best friend (I should note we're both venezuelans as well, moved out to Panama), she's white skin, light brown straight hair and the most gorgeous, epic eyes I've seen in my entire life, typical kind of girl you find in my country in every corner. I talk to her for a little, and notice she's kinda interested in me, so yeah, I get really pumped, but not too excited about it. So I ask my buddy hey where did you meet that chick? - Met her thorught my family - She nice huh? -yeah, you like her? - Yeah, might ask her out one of these days Next thing that happens, my friend starts begging for me not to try anything with her, he got really mad and threathens me not to hit on her or he'd slap my shit, I'm like.. "Don't worry man, you're my best friend, you met her first, It's your chance" and I was not going to try anything on her, but I just can't. The more I know her the more I wanna ask her out. So I've been giving my friend awful advice intentionally, I've been complimenting her and she has insinuating thigs too, I also pretend he's not my friend in front of her and talking shit about him, in hopes she won't date him. I'm not worried at all, he's a desperate fuck and has no chance with her, but I do it anyways. I feel horrible about myself right now.[/QUOTE] Bros before hoes? [QUOTE]Sup FP, When I was 4, I used to have a raging fetish for Dee Dee from Dexters Lab, this was the time where you would say "when I see girl my pee pee go up1!?!?!?!?!?!" As I grew older, I would constantly think of her, then when I was 12, the fapping age, I actually looked up porn of her, when I saw that shit I would masturbate each day. To this day I still do it, and if you think I'm creepy then look at the other fetishes FPers have, atleast it's a female and not some cat or sock or whatever the fuck creepy people fap to today. [/QUOTE] They fap to non-pointy elbows.

[quote]Alright, so here we go. I was born in Calgary, in Canada. I'm 17 and still a virgin. My family and I went to the petting zoo with the younger kids in my family. (11 and 8). Basically, we were walking passed the giraffe exhibit when I saw the most fucking incredible giraffe you'd ever see. Not kidding, you know those commercials where they advertise the fuck out of their meat products? PRIME 100% ALL ROUND CANA-MERICAN BEEF. That was the fucking giraffe, except honestly that awesome. I knew I had to fuck that giraffe, anyway. About 20 minutes later I snuck into the giraffe exhibit, honestly I was caught pretty fucking quick. I climbed onto the giraffe as people yelled at me over megaphones. I did the most batshit thing I could ever do, I wrapped my arms and legs around the giraffe's neck and scurried up. I grabbed it's mouth, and began to kiss it. Keep in mind, my family had caught up. The security guys got me as I was coming back down, and I was kicked out. Seriously FP, I need that giraffe in my life, I don't think I could handle living without it. I got grounded for about 2 months and am currently being sent to a therapist. ADVICE.[/quote] We need pictures of this giraffe.

[QUOTE] Hey, it's the schitzo-ish guy again. This morning felt like one of the worst I've had in years, because of yesterday. Normal day, got woke up by my dog, thought I must have left my door open. Went to school, played around with my dog before I left, though. When i came home, he was waiting for me on my bed, he jumped onto me and licked me like mad, I fell over from the weight- he was always a large dog. after I finished my dinner, then my homework, I dropped him a treat on the floor and I heard him chew on it happily before I turned in. This morning, I wondered where he went- then I realised he was put down on new years eve. I started crying right there... R.I.P jasper, the big o' strong dog who I miss too much.[/QUOTE] Shed a tear. :(

I don't mean to undermine how awful that must be for the schizophrenic, but I would like to experience it for a month or a week maybe, it's really interesting to me