Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v7 - General

[QUOTE=jaykray;32589509]Dog story is fake[/QUOTE] cant you let a brother dream?

[QUOTE=jaykray;32589509]Dog story is fake[/QUOTE] It's entertaining to read, and that's all what matters, it just makes it much funnier if it's true.

Can I send confessions via PM? Some fagmunch hacked into my hotmail account and he spammed shit.

[QUOTE=Not a ponyfag;32589873]Can I send confessions via PM? Some fagmunch hacked into my hotmail account and he spammed shit.[/QUOTE] I'm guessing not since it's not Anonymous

[QUOTE=Bytecry;32589917]I'm guessing not since it's not Anonymous[/QUOTE] Yes it is. Just not to the guy who he sent it to

[QUOTE=Bytecry;32589917]I'm guessing not since it's not Anonymous[/QUOTE] Oh well. Fuck if it matters anyways, it was gonna be a p. tiny confession.

[QUOTE=/B/rother;32589321]Pretty much everything is legal in Denmark. We can say and do almost whatever we want to, as long as it doesn't hurt other people.[/QUOTE] Pretty sure bestiality is illegal because animals aren't considered to be able to give consent. So you'd basically be raping them, which would be harming them.

[QUOTE=MountainWatcher;32590488]Pretty sure bestiality is illegal because animals aren't considered to be able to give consent. So you'd basically be raping them, which would be harming them.[/QUOTE]Are you Danish? Then how the fuck would you know? No it's not illegal, but it's damn right frowned upon because it's pretty damn disgusting. No one would do it. Obnoxious behavier is legal. Hatespeech and discrimination is illegal. Much as most of northern Europe. Why should psychological violence be any more legal than physical?

It isn't. Obnoxious behavior is as damaging as someone stepping on you, which is legal. Rape is as (well not as, but sure as hell more comparable than being an annoying bastard) damaging as stalking and peeping, which is illegal. And why does me being danish matter? I'm not talking about whether it's illegal there or not, I'm talking about why it's illegal in other countries and how it's an attack on your country's train of thought.

You guys can pm me your confessions, its just that the email is much more secure.

[quote]feminist gf story[/quote] Stop allowing her to control you, and don't shy away from confrontation. If she leaves you because of that, then so be it, if she won't be with you just because you don't let her walk over you, then you're better off without her.

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;32591139]You guys can pm me your confessions, its just that the email is much more secure.[/QUOTE]Post a new batch soon

[QUOTE=JimmyA;32596643]Post a new batch soon[/QUOTE] I'm jonesing for my confessional fix

[QUOTE]Well. I never thought I'd actually right one of these but here I am. Anyway this happened a couple months ago. Me and my 3 friends decided we were to go swimming at Latiymer pool which is like a 15 minute walk from here. Bad thing is I didn't know the way and neither did they. So we all meet at the designated spot which is a shop that sells cheap drinks. We're sitting at the bus stop for about 30 minutes arguing which swimming pool do we go to. We could either go to Janet Adegoke which is about a 3 minute walk but it really isn't anything special or take a massive 3 bus ride approx. 2 hours to go to the swimming pool at the Leisure Centre in Brentford. Now me and my friend (We'll call him Jack), Jack, decide we shouldn't make a massive fuss and just go to Phoenix. Now, Amir and Jacob decide we shouldn't because it's boring there and nothing to do. Out of the blue, 2 of Jack's friends turn up and we ask them for directions to Latiymer. He makes it even more confusing and we're there for another 20 minutes. We then decided to just check Brentford out and if it was bad we would go back to Jacket Adegoke. Fast forward about 3 hours and we're at the Leisure centre. We each pay £2.60 to get in and £1 for a locker which we would get back. Anyway, we get changed and get swimming. The slides where closed which was a bit of a disappointment. Anyway, there's this guy and 2 girls splashing about and the guy rugby tackles the girl and knocks her into the water behind her. The girls ask for help and we help splash this guy. Now, about 5 minutes of this and we're basically good friends. I knew a bit about the 3 of them. The guy's name was Sam. He was 19, pretty perverted and had very explicit images of his girlfriend. He had a cool mixture of a American and Spanish accent and he had serious abnormal reflexes. Anyway one of the girls name was Hannah. She's a bit overweight but had massive tits and her friend Elisha also had massive tits but wasn't overweight. More a big girl. Anyway, Elisha and Hannah took a shine to me and my friend and started playing around with us. They started touching our penises and attempting to stride us. We retaliated by touching there tits. They did not do anything. They let us touch them anywhere except for their vagina's. We're playing around with them alot. I was groping everything in my sight and had a massive concealed weapon hidden in the proximity of my swimming trunks. We continued to touch them basically where they allowed us for about 5pm. Elisha noticed this swam up to me and whispered in my ear to meet her in the private changing room. Now. Stuff like this doesn't normally happen to me and I have no fucking idea what's about to happen. I meet her in the private changing room and she's just standing there naked. She looked pretty hot and my dick was starting to throb. I don't know why but the first thing in my mind was to grope her tits and play with her nipples some more. She then started to give me a handjob which felt amazing. This turned into more heavy petting and then I actually did it. I had sex with her. My first time wasn't with a women so this was still very new to me. It felt great and I gave it my all. Seeing as people were wondering where we were I explained to her that my friends and hers where waiting so we just sped it up it felt great but I got a little sidetracked. It felt amazing I was on top of the world and then I jizzed in her and then I finished her off by fingering and licking her. We went back to the pool where me and my friends and hers continued groping her and her friend and it felt great. It was then time to go and me and Elisha exchanged numbers and so forth. I did proceeded to go back home which took another 2 hours and so, reflecting about what just happened and jacking off. It didn't feel as good knowing what I could be getting. Fast forward 3 months and I get a phone call from Elisha. She's crying heavily and stuttering and I could barely understand her. I tried to comfort her and ask her what was up and she said 2 words that I can still her now "I'm pregnant". When she said this, I dropped my mug. I was shattered. I couldn't cope with this financially or mentally. Everything went to the shit. School was much harder, I had to get a job. I was depressed. My parents have still yet to find out and I'm not sure how I'm going to tell them. For sure if I tell them I'm going to be kicked out. I'm just really depressed and the only 2 people who know about the baby is me and Elisha.[/QUOTE] Good luck, you need it. [QUOTE]I'm a late 06'er, been perma'd more times than you can count the bones in your body, stopped trying to make alts after I got banned on my last account(That shit was gold) So I've decided to lurk and stumbled across the thread and decided to join. Last year in my P.E. class there was this cute girl, she nice body, she had asthma though. One day we had to run a couple of laps around the gym, she forgot her inhaler and thought nothing would happen so she ran, about 5 minutes later she passed out, so the teacher sent a student to carry her to the nurse, that student was me. So I picked her up and walked to the office, but as I was halfway there I thought to myself "Shit, she's passed out, why not take advantage of her?" So I walked to the boys bathroom near the gym because everyone smoked weed in there and nobody actually used it for anything else. Got in a stall, put her down and pulled down her shorts and panties, pulled down my shorts and boxers and started thrusting in & out, once I was done I fixed her up and got her dressed again. Took her to the Nurse and everything was fine after that. TL;DR:Girl passed out, teacher sent me to take her to the nurse I rape her.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]HELLO FACEPUNCH. This may not be much of a confession but I couldn't think of anything else to say when I wanted to submit my entry, so here it goes. When I was a child, a mere 5-6 years old, my grandfather would visit my house on occasions. Well one weekend he came to visit, my mother being away from the house, she depended on my grandfather to keep watch on me. There was no one at the house but me and him, and I remember thinking nothing of the play we'd done in my room. That was - until he'd propped me up on his lap and began to bounce me on his legs. I remember feeling a bulge of some sort, and assumed it was his belt though I still felt uncomfortable. Now, let me tell you, when I was a child I always knew how reproduction worked. Maybe not a direct concept and I surely didn't know what a penis looked like, but I did know that a man's private part plus a woman's private part equals a baby. I'm not sure where I got this direct information from, but somehow I'd found out and I didn't really care too much at the least. Anyways, I remember hearing a noise - or maybe I was pretending to hear a noise and I told my grandfather that I thought I heard someone at the front door. He immediately put me down and we both walked to the front door to see if someone was there, though I only walked halfway and then hid under a table me and my mother used as an arts and crafts table. When he came back, reassuring me there was no one there, he tried to get me to come back into my room with him. But I refused, and acted like I had already lost interest in his "Games" and continued to pretend play with a doll underneath the table. The twist to this is that my grandfather was a very strong believer in Christianity, and he was all about the peace and prosperity of his family, only to turn around and nearly molest his only grandchild, which always left me scoffing at those serious Christians who I'd sometimes encounter. And although I could tell you I was molested by my grandfather, I rather tell you I almost was and successfully dodged it like a boss. Because I'm just that fucking awesome.[/QUOTE] Your grandfather thought that too. [QUOTE]I am 21 years old, i still live with my parents, and i have no job because im a lazy fuck who sits on their ass all day long my mom pretty much does everything for me. every few weeks i will get really horny while laying in bed at night and hump the bed, basicly ill take off my pants and rub my cock up and down on the sheets untill i cum, then ill leave it there and go to sleep. then my mom will change my bed sheets and see it she has never said anything to me about it but i know she knows about it because the stains are clearly visable i bet if you put one of those lights on my bed my whole bed would glow from all the jizz stains that have been there[/QUOTE] No job? No life? Masturbate! [QUOTE]Okay, let me start out by saying that I love you for doing this. I have a few confessions, not related to each other. yet all about sex. I have fapped to just about anything, it started out when I was 13 with "normal" hentai clips when noone was home. That however quickly spiraled into Lesbian porn. I got bored of that, moved on to a challenge I put myself up to: "Fap to everything your sick mind can come up with". This included Gay, granny, scat and even CP (Didn't do that one). I realised that what I was doing was just wrong, I got a girlfriend and stopped watching porn completly, however that relationship didn't last long and now after a short period of time (Filled with high quality lesbian and tranny porn (sparked by the "I have the weirdest boner" thread)) I've come to the conclusion that I'm seriously addicted to porn. I like to take baths, just like the rest of my family. However, me being in my puberty I can't really control myself and often fap into the bath water, nothing wrong with that as I drain it... BUT My mother apperantly closes the drain from time to time to time to save water. One time she came out of the bath and adressed me in all seriousness: "Please don't masturbate in the bath, I can get pregnant from that.". I of course don't stop, and about a month after she told me to stop, she said she missed her period, I freaked the fuck out. Luckily for me it is just that she's going into menopauze and not that she's pregnant. Maybe more later[/QUOTE] Or is she?! [QUOTE]I attempted suicide, loaded gun and whatnot. I've never told anyone, but I was so close to pulling the trigger, man. It's just... Yeah. I let my dog lick my dick once. I can never look at her the same way again. I masturbate frequently to pictures of girls I'm really good friends with. I like the taste of my own cum, kinda' weird but yeah. I came on my hot cousin's face while she was sleeping one time. That's all, FP.[/QUOTE] That's relieving. [QUOTE]I've always been the weird kid, the outsider, the third wheel (or at least that's how I feel) all up until recently. My troubles started early on, a really mean dumbass fat retard strength bully who I eventually got to fuck off. I had Jewish heritage from my mother's side so I was singled out as the Jewish Kid and since I also had German blood in me I was the Nazi Jewish Kid. The jokes weren't pleasant. I wasn't doing bad in gradeschool, not an amazing student but I was certainly gifted in some ways. I had a group of friends, our loyalties were questionable sometimes but they got me through Saint Anthony's which was private. My father had wanted to raise us Christian and I guess my mom didn't really give a shit and just wanted to give us a good life so she let him, and he wanted us to go to that school so we did. Things were all right for a while. Then my father got stomach cancer. For a while it was touch and go, he got frail and ill. It went into remission. Came right back and killed him when I was eight I think. My grades went in the toilet, I became more alienated and weird, I had emotional breakdowns which could happen right in public when things just got overwhelming. Only two or three times in class but I was sobbing by the end of them. I was on more stable ground by 8th grade certainly, but still weird and not ready for high school. Not even half baked. I don't remember when I started therapy. Things were all right for a while. I got into high school, I admit I probably suffer a severe case of childhood amnesia from the stress and sheer amount of bad shit and just smoking too much pot so I don't remember many events from my high school years. I don't know what schooling period was more instructional or traumatic. Looking back I was just this annoying semi-weaboo fuck, I had a period where I went to gaia online, I had a period where I was interested in the furry fandom, which lasted up until rather recently. These are all my forms of escapism because I was and still am depressed (though I am MUCH less than I was before). By Sophomore year I had changed quite a bit, lost a lot of the weaboo interests, dropped a lot of bad friends, began to learn how to act a bit more adult. The entire time I was in high school I was pretty much sailing along on terrible grades because I just wouldn't do the work. I wasn't interested. I'd try at the beginning of the year then fail a couple months in. Nothing worked on me, no form of punishment changed the way I acted and performed in school. I had that moment where you're in high school and you go "OH wait. This matters?" far too late to save me. My senior year, I had been smoking weed for a while so I had chilled out much much more, but I had become a lot more cynical and sarcastic. Throughout all these ordeals I still remained an outsider among my friends and I just couldn't connect. In my therapy sessions it had been discussed about my disinterest in finding a girlfriend or something, I felt pressured and dated this one girl once. Not too long after we both came out as gay. I finally felt free to an extent. I came out to only a friend or two at first and it felt liberating, a fresh breath in my life. I became more interested in my personal appearance, started dressing better (if not a bit weird as I usually do), started feeling really better about myself. And then I just stopped going to school. There were no good-byes no farewells... I made sure of that. I just stopped going without telling anyone. I rationalized it as "I didn't want to make a fuss." But I think I was just too afraid to fess up. A week later or so I officially dropped out of school. Then I have to say one of the darkest depressive pits I've ever been in followed that. At first it was like summer, it was kinda fun, but then there was all this pressure on me to find a job or a profession and there was just so much nagging and pushing and nagging and pushing that I just ended up resisting. It was about 3/4ths of a year or so that I did absolutely nothing but smoke weed, sit on my ass, and play video games and post on this forum. My social life wasn't entirely dead but it had certainly been halved. I had some outside friends in some group where I had some new friends, meeting new people, made one or two really close friends, had a fight with one of 'em. Then I got busy. I got my act together. I got my GED (Graduation Equivalency Diploma) which is slightly worse than a regular high school diploma but it's still good. I got into a Hair Styling school which has been a bit of a pain. I got really busy and seriously dropped off the social network, tensions running high, etc. People think I'm fuckin with em and don't like it when I'm not tryin to do anything to them. Some things HAD happened and honestly, part of it wasn't just me being busy or tired, it was also the fact that I felt a infatuated with one of these people for a while, it was terrible. I was loosing sleep as said person already had a partner and I felt guilty. I kind of just don't want to see them again because I've pushed that pain back down for now and I need to keep operating on a normal capacity which I've had a big enough issue with recently enough as my mother's had a broken fucked up knee and my school was just really fucking with me on the dress code etc and I missed a lot of school so I have a metric SHIT TON of hours to make up. I feel so old and yet I haven't done jack shit. I haven't really achieved anything good yet. I haven't made a real contribution to society yet. At least I'm smart enough to know how ignorant I am. I'm really just feeling worn out now.[/QUOTE] You'll contribute to society by cutting their hair. [QUOTE]So yesterday I ended up having sex with my ex-girlfriend. I have no idea how we ended up in that situation, but she basically invited herself in my dorm so I could 'help her with homework'. We were talking like five minutes and suddenly we're both naked as fuck and all over each other. Now normally I wouldn't really give a fuck, but the thing is I am already more or less involved with another girl, but I have no fucking idea why but even after a year or so since we've broken up we still lust after each other, which is really weird. fp pls help[/QUOTE] If only MaverickIB was here. I'm going to guess that he'd say that you should fuck them both, making you cool or something. [QUOTE]Now, I'm not a weird guy (that's a lie, yes I am), and I haven't really done anything worth confessing about (that's also a lie I'm a weird motherfucker), but I feel like I should tell someone this Growing up, I always thought I had a really small dick. Like abnormally small. I never really gathered the courage to measure it for fear that having an actual number behind it wold just crush my tiny-penis-having soul. But alas, this one fateful day about a year ago, I was having a good time with my best friend telling stories. I thought it would be a good idea to tell him about the time I got my dick stuck in a Gatorade bottle.. I was 12 at the time (get ready for this, a confession inside a confession) and I was willing to stick my dick in just about anything (I still am, but we'll get to that later), so I thought it would be a good idea to fuck a Gatorade bottle. So I flipped my tiny-tiny penis out, revved-up my engines so to speak, aaaaaaaand It didn't fit.. It was much, much too large. Now at this point I don't make any connection, in my mind I still have the smallest dick in the world. Genius that I am, I decide to let it go soft and put it in (Great plan, I know). I then proceed to stuff my little jimmy into the mouth of the Gatorade bottle and start pumping away. Then the pain hit. It was getting hard very fast and before I knew it, my dick was stuck in the bottle. I tore the plastic label off too see what was going on. My dick was bruising fast, I could see the blood vessels breaking. 'Holy fuck', I thought. I need to fix this fast. 'Like a band-aid' And like a ban-aid it was, but with a pain intense as the flame of 10,000 suns. I looked at my dick to see it was almost completely purple and red, and a small drop of blood fell from my urethra. Needless to say, it completely healed. Dicks can take just about anything you throw at them. Anyway, back to me and my friend (I realize this is a long confession, so I'll try and keep this short) I told him the story, and he was amazed. "Your dick was like that at 12?" not the question I expected, but ok. "Uhh yeah I guess why?" I asked. "You don't think that's odd?" In all honesty, I really didn't, but it made me think. That night when I got home I looked around my room. And there it was, my didgeridoo. For many years, I had always looked at it's smooth, wooden opening and wondered what my dick would feel like in there, but had always come to the conclusion that my dick was too small to fit. Tonight would be the night. Like the Gatorade bottle, I revved-up my engines, picked up the didge, aaaaaanndd It didn't fit..[/QUOTE] fake [QUOTE]Sometimes i get the urge to kick a baby or something. I don't do it though. Sometimes when I'm walking the park I just want to kick a duck up the arse.[/QUOTE] Kicking ducks? Use throwing pigeons instead! [video=youtube;emRwKoYPhPI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emRwKoYPhPI[/video]

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;32596832]Good luck, you need it. Your grandfather thought that too. No job? No life? Masturbate! Or is she?! That's relieving. You'll contribute to society by cutting their hair. If only MaverickIB was here. I'm going to guess that he'd say that you should fuck them both, making you cool or something. fake Kicking ducks? Use throwing pigeons instead! [video=youtube;emRwKoYPhPI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emRwKoYPhPI[/video][/QUOTE] That kick a duck up the arse thing sounds like it's referencing Karl Pilkington. [video=youtube;GsKKODtB12Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsKKODtB12Q[/video]

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;32578998]You are obviously are not perfect, instead very arrogant, and you need some help. I'm not joking. You are not going to make friends by being perfect.[/QUOTE] he didn't say he was perfect, and he doesn't seem arrogant at all what is wrong with you

[quote]-fucking asthmatics-[/quote] I understand the temptation, but seriously, she could've died from oxygen deprivation in her brain, what the fuck.

[quote]-gym rape story-[/quote] FUBAR [editline]3rd October 2011[/editline] Oh and "SHE NICE BODY" The fuck?

[QUOTE=JDK721;32598266]he didn't say he was perfect, and he doesn't seem arrogant at all what is wrong with you[/QUOTE] He calls him self the "perfect" person, as well as "the ideal person". That seems pretty high-and-mighty if you ask me.

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;32599815]He calls him self the "perfect" person, as well as "the ideal person". That seems pretty high-and-mighty if you ask me.[/QUOTE] nope. go back and read the entire thing again. that's what OTHER people think about him, but he clearly says that he doesn't feel the same way. in fact, it seems that he has a really negative view of himself. [quote]The male people i meet always comment how i'm philosophically, Morally, Ethically and humanistically perfect and i should be fucking king and what ever bullshit. (seriously. I shouldn't!)[/quote] [quote]Whatever they claim to think that i am, i am obviously not. Not one has a shred of respect for me. They elevate me to the position of the ideal "perfect" individual yet i'm all alone.[/quote]

Can't wait for the next batch.

Hah, these are pretty great to read

To the man who got Elisha pregnant, you could always consider abortion seeing your situation right now. I have seen people in horrible situations because of a kid. Just something to think about.

Shit, these confessions are getting more and more fucked up, I'm getting a little scared of Facepunch :tinfoil:

[QUOTE=barttool;32602985]Shit, these confessions are getting more and more fucked up, I'm getting a little scared of Facepunch :tinfoil:[/QUOTE] [MEDIA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AKc68qTZw[/MEDIA]

-snip snip snip snip-

[QUOTE=Red scout?;32603278]-snip-[/QUOTE] ANONYMOUS confessional. Aren't you meant to get banned now for that?

[QUOTE=Cone;32603459]ANONYMOUS confessional. Aren't you meant to get banned now for that?[/QUOTE] Am i not anonymous posting here? You don't see me linking any facebook account or have I missed the purpose of the entire thread? You guys do not know who I am. Can you please snip it, I don't wanna get banned, it's a simple misunderstanding. :frown:

[QUOTE=Red scout?;32603625]Am i not anonymous posting here? You don't see me linking any facebook account or have I missed the purpose of the entire thread? You guys do not know who I am. Can you please snip it, I don't wanna get banned, it's a simple misunderstanding. :frown:[/QUOTE] Read the OP. It clearly says to EMAIL. Now I know you're the pedo drawn porn guy whenever you post. Also -snipping- doesn't stop the mods from seeing it. They can see post edit history.

Holy shit, this thread is gold. Almost better then embarrassing experiences while masturbating.