Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v7 - General

Sorry guys. I didn't read the OP. I just thought I could just get this off my heart in this thread, please be easy on me, I didn't mean to break the thread rules. But if I deserve a ban I will accept it without questioning the will of the moderators.

[QUOTE=Nevermind.;32603647]Holy shit, this thread is gold. Almost better then embarrassing experiences while masturbating.[/QUOTE]Read V.3 Best one to date.

[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;32599815]He calls him self the "perfect" person, as well as "the ideal person". That seems pretty high-and-mighty if you ask me.[/QUOTE] nice job rating me dumb and not responding to my post below yours, having terrible reading comprehension, and being a dick to a suicidal/depressed person

[QUOTE=Bomimo;32603765]Read V.3 Best one to date.[/QUOTE] Apparently the link goes to an invalid thread [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp/emoot/sigh.gif[/img]

Too bad first three got archived :(.

Can't wait for the next batch. I'm thinking of doing this myself.

new batch any time soon?

Just read through the whole thread, jesus :v: Can't wait for the next batch.

I'm starting to wonder if any on Facepunch qualifies as "normal".

[QUOTE=rinoaff33;32626505]I'm starting to wonder if any on Facepunch qualifies as "normal".[/QUOTE] Normal is a fictional status, nobody is 'normal'

i wear women's clothing and cut my wrists

Sure you do

[QUOTE]What it is is pretty simply this: I can see. And now you're probably thinking, well so what? But no, it's different. Like, it's like I am a person and the rest of the world are other people, it's like I am the main character from Cloverfield and you are the other actors. Not in a egocentric way, just a way to describe this. Like, what you see in a first person shooting game, it's what I see in real life, everywhere, 24/7. It's like I am a camera for some superior being or something. Not talking about God or aliens or anything, because I don't know. I am not some kind of prophet or anything, I am not even religious, but what I feel is simply what I described. There's probably too much bullshit that I've written. But I can't explain this, it's something too complicated for me to explain and probably something you guys wouldn't ever think of or have ever thought of. But when I think about it, I start thinking about the meaning of life, and I feel a huge emptiness in me. So there it is.[/QUOTE] We all see that way, I remember when I was a kid, wondering how, if I have 2 eyes, why was it that I see like I only have one big eye(like my transparent nose on the corners of my vision was the limit of the big eye).

I never get tired of reading these

It's been over a day since the last batch, what's up with that?

OP forgot about us.

For some reason I'm suddenly reminded of that story about the guy who had a dream where he took a HUGE shit and had to carry the turd around for some reason. Weird shit, man.

Every time there's a period of time between batches someone says "OP forgot about us"

OP forgot about us

I demand interesting confessions!

[B]I DEMAND MORE CONFESSION![/B] [tab]..please[/tab]

[QUOTE=Quark:;32631656]OP forgot about us[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=GameDev;32632669][B]I DEMAND MORE CONFESSION![/B] [tab]..please[/tab][/QUOTE] Let's not have a total thread meltdown like last time

[QUOTE=JoeyZ;32633126]Let's not have a total thread meltdown like last time[/QUOTE] I remember the last thread I actually watched people just complained every time they weren't reacting to confessions so like 80% of the thread was complaining

[QUOTE]Hi FP. I have this thing I do. I haven't taken a shit for real for like... few months. Whenever I have to shit I try to hold it, usually a small piece of shit comes through, then I keep it between my butt for a while and then grab it with a toilet paper and flush away. This happens usually around 5 times a day, grabbin' some poop. Sometimes I have urge to shit after many weeks of holding shit and then I'll poop for real. I just like the feeling when holding shit also the smell of it when my room smells a bit like poop. I did this a few minutes ago and then I had the idea I could post this on FP anonymous confessional.[/QUOTE] Shitty story. [QUOTE]Hi facepunch, how's your evening going? when I was about 9 or 10 I'd look at porn, but I had no idea what to do with my dick. So I'd sit at the computer for an hour or two looking at nude chicks and guys. Whenever I heard footsteps down the hallway (this was before I had my own computer, obviously) I'd close it out quickly and act as if I was about to get off anyways. One day mom mom almost caught me - just as I was closing the window she walked in and asked "what was that?". I looked her in the face with an incredible poker face (or so I've been told) and said "...advertisements..?". I then walked out of the room with my boner showing (probably) and she probably noticed but didn't say anything. That led to a few years of compulsive lying and minor crimes (some of which were influenced by other "cool" kids.) . Eventually I turned my shit around but I'm still bothered by myself being a little shit[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I don't really want to send this from my real e-mail, so I made this one. I don't really even want to write this. I'm going to list things as they come to mind. This is going to be really fucking stupid. Let's go. 1. I'm almost in college (like I'll actually get into one, pffffft) and still haven't even kissed a girl. I tell myself that not having a girlfriend is likely a good thing considering how astonishingly high teenage STDs and pregnancies are in my area (my best friend is a teenage father...fucking idiot) but it still irks me. At least few of the people in my grade level make fun of people for something like that - they've grown out of THAT, at least. 2. I find memes funny. Sue me. One of my friends is a particular fan of "yo dawg i herd u leik yoyos and yo dawg so i put a dawg on yo yoyo so u can yoyo with yo dawg, dawg". Oh, and one of my friends does in fact say "cool beans". 3. All of my friends think that I am the shit and that I'm super smart and awesome with music, but the sad truth is that we're all complete morons and I'm simply the least dumb moron of the bunch. I'm in calculus and somehow have a B but I struggle with basic algebra and trig rules, which I should have learned several years ago. I play guitar and am decent with keyboards and FL studio, but I'm still only in the "dabble" stage. I did play "The Bard's Song" for my school one time (didn't win any awards, though) but that's about the extent of my awesomeness. (Chances are people who have met me can guess who I am by now.) 4. I just finished writing a 104 page erotic fan fiction and still want to write more. What the fuck is wrong with me? 5. I suck at Starcraft II. Like, a lot. As in more than a little bit. I'm wood league bad. But my friends are worse. 6. I have a huge fetish for several things, especially bondage and goth girls, but not a single goth lives where I live except for one creepy crackhead dude down the street. 7. I have anally masturbated before with a vibrating object. Fun. Not doing it again. 8. I have a mental fan fiction in my head that's been present for as long as I can remember. It's always been centered around one character - (go ahead and LOL) my World of Warcraft character I made forever ago. I've shifted toward putting this character into an original setting, though. Whenever I go to put it down in words, I don't even know where to start. This part is going to be kind of serious but also incredible dumb: I'm scared of this. This (female) character has practically become part of my life, and I swear it's even affected my mannerisms - I cross my legs when I sit, for instance. I always feel really stupid and self-conscious whenever I do it (even though it's comfortable). I also use weird, archaic/odd-fitting words and phrases in my actual speech, like "shall" and "lovely" (I ain't British, damnit). Now, I don't have the creepy belief that the person is REAL, no sir. It's just too ingrained into my imagination to leave me. I'm kind of wondering if it'll ever go away, but I know that if it ever does it'll be when the onset of age and depressing reality kills my imagination. 9. I hate my new lot in life. Everything has kind of sucked since my parents divorced (okay, so technically it wasn't even a divorce - I'm a bastard [reminds me of Dragon Age for some reason]). It happened all of a sudden - my mom asked me to come here and she was suddenly talking about how she wasn't happy with my (non-biological) father and how I would react if they broke up. Obviously, I said "NO", but she doesn't ever fucking listen to a damn thing I say, so...My grades have slipped ever since this, and I know that it's the reason behind my apathy toward everything now - I'm always holding in how pissed off I am. So yeah, that's it. I can't even see what the fuck I'm typing right now - Yahoo mail is not scrolling down all the wy. Fun. Feel free to laugh/cry/point out dumb shit in this post/whatever. Peace out.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Hey, FP. I have something to confess. I am turned on by bestiality, and I kinda would like to try it. Sucking a horses cock already makes me hard... I hope you too find out the pleasures of animals.[/QUOTE] Some people like ponies. [QUOTE]Im in my 3rd year at university and am living with 4 flat mates who I was originally put with in the first year of shared flats. we then chose to rent one together the years afterwards as we all get on well. my confession is that one of the girls I live with is really hot, like when we go to clubs as a flat all the guys hit on her. I dont attempt to persue her because I know itd be a bad idea as were flat mates so if anythign went wrong itd be akward for the rest of the year. however when we moved to the new flat my bedroom was next to hers and I noticed banging on the wall, realising it was her headboard of her bed. I got a glass and pressed it to the wall and could hear her moaning I knew she didnt have a guy with her so she was obviously schlicking. since I first found this I cant stop doing it now and am tempted to hide a camera or something in her room. I also used to record my old girlfriends when fucking them, never told them. I know everyone will think this is creepy and disgusting but I dont care. my other confession is that I dont bother having long term girlfriends or chase this girls affections because Im schizophernic and incredibly unstable to the point of where having a girlfriend makes my mood swing from really happy to literally murderous. I dont see my parents anymore because I dont want to waste my life in prison if I kill them which I nearly have in the past as certain weird events trigger this mood and then the entire night Im highly dangerous to other people. I dont get any help from therapists with any of this because Ive tried before when I was young as it first manifested when I was around 6 and its never helped me as I find talking about it all makes me worse as my internal theorys develop further.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Not sure why I'm sending this in. I guess maybe seeing peoples failed attempts to cheer me up might contain a bit of smile-worthy stupidity. Since I was born, I've had Type 1 Diabetes. Now my parents, being the neglecting dumbasses they are, thought that it was normal for baby girls to eat an adult sized meal that weighed twice as much as them. I was always a chubby baby, and I grew up to be a chubby kid. Eventually I found out that the diabetes was the cause of my hunger (along with other symptoms). I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle to manage the diabetes, but I've never been able to get rid of this weight. But still, when I got to school, some of the girls pitied me I guess, and became friends with me. I spent my whole life sitting next to these gorgeous, amazing women, watching them getting all the sexy guys while i just stood on the sidelines being jealous. So school finished, and I stayed friends with these people. But I felt pretty lonely. The people in my dorm just kind of stayed away from me, so I spent all night surfing the net and all day studying. Alone. And one day it just got too much. Then on facebook, this guy, who had always been an acquaintance, said he was looking for a party. I knew he only talked to me because of my friends, so, without thinking, I told him that me and my room-mates were going to be drinking (they were, but at some club in town). He asked me a whole bunch of questions. I think he was scared, but I just lied my way through, twirling him into my web. He logs off and starts to head over, and I kick into action. Steal my roommates makeup, fancy dress, perfume, etc. He finally arrives. He wasn't anything special, just a guy, not very good looking and kind of skinny, but he would do. I couldn't believe this was happening. I'd finally get a man all to myself. After years of crippling loneliness. This was happening. He walks in and asks where the girls are. I tell him they went to go buy some drinks. I lock the door behind him, and told him to sit on the couch. This would be where I'd take him as my own. I sit down right next to him. And then I took him. I forced him down on the couch, holding his shoulders and sitting on his legs. He couldn't escape. I took the Viagra lying on the coffee table and forced it down his throat. It was like trying to put a flea collar on a cat that was getting its intestines pulled out of its ass. But I persisted. He screamed for help, yelled in fear (i think I head him say "not again"), but there was nothing he could do. I slowly felt his penis grow, grinding into my pelvis. And then... You can guess what happened. A month later, and I never told anybody. I don't think he did either. I don't feel guilty, or remorse. I finally had somebody for my own, just for the night. And it was amazing.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]I'm incredibly paranoid. For example, if I'm standing somewhere high I immediately think "I could fall to my death here", or if I see something like a nail sticking out of I wall I think "I could fall over and stab my eye on that" On the twelfth is National Coming Out Day (even though it's an international event and supposed to be on the eleventh, go fucking figure) and it's really eating away at me; I end up extrapolating that coming out could lead to some judeo-christian traditionalist assaulting me. To this date, I've only come out to one person face-to-face, and that was under the effects of strong dental anaesthesia.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]When I was around 10-13, I always dreamed when I walk home I'll somehow run into a pornstar. I would do some things for her and then we will probably have sex even though I was that young. Then I would know she lives there so I would go there every week and have some fun. I imagined it like this, I walk home and see this girl(pornstar) carrying boxes, moving furniture, etc. She would ask me to help her and after the job is done, she would invite me in her house. We sit on the couch and we talk for a bit, then sexual things come up. [/QUOTE] Many facepuncher's still dream this.

wow there's a lot of rapists on FP. or more accurately, people who dream of rape. viagra doesn't kick in that fast.

[quote]Not sure why I'm sending this in. I guess maybe seeing peoples failed attempts to cheer me up might contain a bit of smile-worthy stupidity. Since I was born, I've had Type 1 Diabetes. Now my parents, being the neglecting dumbasses they are, thought that it was normal for baby girls to eat an adult sized meal that weighed twice as much as them. I was always a chubby baby, and I grew up to be a chubby kid. Eventually I found out that the diabetes was the cause of my hunger (along with other symptoms). I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle to manage the diabetes, but I've never been able to get rid of this weight. But still, when I got to school, some of the girls pitied me I guess, and became friends with me. I spent my whole life sitting next to these gorgeous, amazing women, watching them getting all the sexy guys while i just stood on the sidelines being jealous. So school finished, and I stayed friends with these people. But I felt pretty lonely. The people in my dorm just kind of stayed away from me, so I spent all night surfing the net and all day studying. Alone. And one day it just got too much. Then on facebook, this guy, who had always been an acquaintance, said he was looking for a party. I knew he only talked to me because of my friends, so, without thinking, I told him that me and my room-mates were going to be drinking (they were, but at some club in town). He asked me a whole bunch of questions. I think he was scared, but I just lied my way through, twirling him into my web. He logs off and starts to head over, and I kick into action. Steal my roommates makeup, fancy dress, perfume, etc. He finally arrives. He wasn't anything special, just a guy, not very good looking and kind of skinny, but he would do. I couldn't believe this was happening. I'd finally get a man all to myself. After years of crippling loneliness. This was happening. He walks in and asks where the girls are. I tell him they went to go buy some drinks. I lock the door behind him, and told him to sit on the couch. This would be where I'd take him as my own. I sit down right next to him. And then I took him. I forced him down on the couch, holding his shoulders and sitting on his legs. He couldn't escape. I took the Viagra lying on the coffee table and forced it down his throat. It was like trying to put a flea collar on a cat that was getting its intestines pulled out of its ass. But I persisted. He screamed for help, yelled in fear (i think I head him say "not again"), but there was nothing he could do. I slowly felt his penis grow, grinding into my pelvis. And then... You can guess what happened. A month later, and I never told anybody. I don't think he did either. I don't feel guilty, or remorse. I finally had somebody for my own, just for the night. And it was amazing.[/quote] That sounds a lot like the other side of that gorilla story :v:

[quote]Not sure why I'm sending this in. I guess maybe seeing peoples failed attempts to cheer me up might contain a bit of smile-worthy stupidity. Since I was born, I've had Type 1 Diabetes. Now my parents, being the neglecting dumbasses they are, thought that it was normal for baby girls to eat an adult sized meal that weighed twice as much as them. I was always a chubby baby, and I grew up to be a chubby kid. Eventually I found out that the diabetes was the cause of my hunger (along with other symptoms). I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle to manage the diabetes, but I've never been able to get rid of this weight. But still, when I got to school, some of the girls pitied me I guess, and became friends with me. I spent my whole life sitting next to these gorgeous, amazing women, watching them getting all the sexy guys while i just stood on the sidelines being jealous. So school finished, and I stayed friends with these people. But I felt pretty lonely. The people in my dorm just kind of stayed away from me, so I spent all night surfing the net and all day studying. Alone. And one day it just got too much. Then on facebook, this guy, who had always been an acquaintance, said he was looking for a party. I knew he only talked to me because of my friends, so, without thinking, I told him that me and my room-mates were going to be drinking (they were, but at some club in town). He asked me a whole bunch of questions. I think he was scared, but I just lied my way through, twirling him into my web. He logs off and starts to head over, and I kick into action. Steal my roommates makeup, fancy dress, perfume, etc. He finally arrives. He wasn't anything special, just a guy, not very good looking and kind of skinny, but he would do. I couldn't believe this was happening. I'd finally get a man all to myself. After years of crippling loneliness. This was happening. He walks in and asks where the girls are. I tell him they went to go buy some drinks. I lock the door behind him, and told him to sit on the couch. This would be where I'd take him as my own. I sit down right next to him. And then I took him. I forced him down on the couch, holding his shoulders and sitting on his legs. He couldn't escape. I took the Viagra lying on the coffee table and forced it down his throat. It was like trying to put a flea collar on a cat that was getting its intestines pulled out of its ass. But I persisted. He screamed for help, yelled in fear (i think I head him say "not again"), but there was nothing he could do. I slowly felt his penis grow, grinding into my pelvis. And then... You can guess what happened. A month later, and I never told anybody. I don't think he did either. I don't feel guilty, or remorse. I finally had somebody for my own, just for the night. And it was amazing.[/quote] Semi-parody of Maverick's gorilla rape story? [editline]5th October 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=horsedrowner;32634388]That sounds a lot like the other side of that gorilla story :v:[/QUOTE]fuck you in the ass with a splintering broom

haha oh wow didn't even notice that.

Someone should show a psychiatrist this thread just to see how many mental disorders get diagnosed.

These were my favorite from v6. I can't find the exact post at the moment, but for some reason I have them on a .txt file. [QUOTE]I'm sure most young kids are, and some people may call me a pussy for having this fear, but I assure you it is strongly justified. I remember being at my friends 6th or 7th birthday party, and of course, there was a clown. Every kid has, or atleast wants a clown at their birthday party, right? Anyways, we were all watching the show, watching the clown twist those balloons into animals, he did a few tricks with bowling pins and a water-squirting flower. It was all fun and games. In the middle of the party, I went to the bathroom as I had drank a little too much lemonade, and I heard the clown finishing up his act outside, the children and parents laughing and clapping their hands. I zipped up my pants and heard footsteps outside. I opened the bathroom door, and the clown was standing there. He smiled and greeted me. I greeted him back, being the innocent child I was. He pushed me back into the bathroom and locked the door. I thought it was a special show for me since I left the show early, but I was mistaken. The clown smiled as he unbuckled his pants, and, well, I guess you can use your imagination to figure out what happened next. That clown scarred me for life, he ruined the innocent child inside of me. I've been too afraid to tell anyone, so it feels really good to get this off of my chest.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Here's how everything boils down to this, I play an MMO called MapleStory (Yes I know haha) but I've been hooked onto it for a long time to the point where I have jacked my brothers credit card to buy in-game cash for myself. I am a huge MapleStory addict no doubt about that. But there's this new class that came out called "Evan" which is basically the MapleStory version of Eragon. You get a dragon and every 10 levels it grows bigger and stronger. I made my Evan character a female and I bought all this in-game cash to make her look like a whore, a typical, stereotypical anime girl whore that you see on like LuckyStar etc. I got attracted to her actually, I don't see her as a character in an MMO or someone I control. I believe that she's real and beautiful. (Call me crazy if you think I get turned on by pixel characters I actually fap to hentai too. I think real women are ugly) So anyways, everytime I jerk off I always think of my character getting pounded in the ass or the vagoo or she's the one giving it to helpless younger victims. Well, while one time while fapping I was about to cum, and you know when you get that orgasm a random porn image comes across your mind, well since Evan's get dragons you know what happens at this point. I came to the image of my character being assfucked by her huge muscular dragon sidekick, cum dribling from her ass begging for mercy while her dragons panting and out of breath, both of them sweating from the rough sex. I hope we can still be friends.[/QUOTE]