The video only calls it asking for tea to be comically demeaning as if bored having to explain what is seen as common sense by the video's creator, not to mask it for PC language.
It also isn't advising to walk into a bar and ask someone to ride your cock. It isn't at all unreasonable to arrive together at a private location and [I]then[/I] check that your motives are still aligned. It is important to respect your partner's boundaries, and to offer the chance to back out before they may feel pressured into it. That's all the video is saying, too.
[QUOTE=bitches;47755013]The video only calls it asking for tea to be comically demeaning as if bored having to explain what is seen as common sense by the video's creator, not to mask it for PC language.
It also isn't advising to walk into a bar and ask someone to ride your cock. It isn't at all unreasonable to arrive together at a private location and [I]then[/I] check that your motives are still aligned. It is important to respect your partner's boundaries, and to offer the chance to back out before they may feel pressured into it. That's all the video is saying, too.[/QUOTE]
I suppose the problem is not that the video is necessarily wrong, just that it leaves out so much information that it ends up being completely useless and perhaps even dangerously misleading. The downright condescending nature of the video comes with that also, if it actually wanted to inform its target audience it should be talking to them from an equal level, not sardonically criticizing them by taking a complex subject that may dictate a large amount of their love life and simplifying it into a completely superficial metaphor. It's on the same level as proponents of the "teach them not to rape" methodology.
The problem isn't that people don't know that they shouldn't rape people, or that they shouldn't have sex with someone who very clearly says "No, I do not want to have sex". The problem is that people either have difficulty clearly communicating with each other or they just don't care and want to have sex anyway. This solves neither of those problems, it's not even proposing some sort of band-aid solution, it's just pointless and superficial.
I fully agree that the video is an ego masturbatory entertainment. It's just important to criticize it for the right reasons.
[QUOTE=bitches;47755061]I fully agree that the video is an ego masturbatory entertainment. It's just important to criticize it for the right reasons.[/QUOTE]
Yea, like the fact that it's crap and doesn't contain all the required information about a complex social interaction like this. It's pretty much not designed for anyone who would actually be in the situation it proposes to be talking about, instead it's designed to make people with big egos feel good about themselves because they're smarter than the nimrod straw-man whom the video pretends to be addressing.
[QUOTE=Zyler;47755076]Yea, like the fact that it's crap and doesn't contain all the required information about a complex social interaction like this.[/QUOTE]
The video is bad because it is only intended for those who already agree with the point. It isn't bad because it doesn't cover every single angle of sex lives; a good video could only address a few points.
[QUOTE=bitches;47755089]those who already agree with the point.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]people with big egos who feel good about themselves because they're smarter than the nimrod straw-man whom the video pretends to be addressing. [/QUOTE]
I don't think it's possible to address every angle of a person's sex life, which is why you shouldn't attempt to reduce it to a single metaphor in the first place.
[QUOTE=Flameon;47754231]Communication or language does not require EXCLUSIVELY auditory stimulation and clearly people are not dumb enough to think so (otherwise they would think deaf people cannot consent to sex...)
What it DOES require, is CLEAR communication. It just so happens that a great deal of our culture resolves issues of ambiguity with our ears and mouths (Do you want this? Did you clean your room? Literally so many questions).[/QUOTE]
And it's not addressed in the video. It talks only about asking questions. The analogy doesn't work. It only talks about clear audible messages. Most of the misapprehension that people have is about the non-audible messages. That's what should be addressed. Not something as easy as "if you ask someone for sex and they say no, don't have sex with them" but instead of sex you have tea as an analogy. It's just a preachy, nice animation that misses the point entirely.
Instead of the message "if you are on the first or one of the first dates with someone, don't do anything sexual unless you have a clear cue that the other person is okay with it, and if you're not sure about the cue, don't fucking do it" we have "if someone says "no" it means "no"". Again that's not addressing the issue at all.
[editline]19th May 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=bitches;47755089]The video is bad because it is only intended for those who already agree with the point. It isn't bad because it doesn't cover every single angle of sex lives; a good video could only address a few points.[/QUOTE]
We've been over this strawman already. We're not asking to include EVERY SINGLE ANGLE of sex life. We're asking to include non-audible messages when talking about the consent because that's the main issue here.
[QUOTE=Zyler;47754969]With a stranger, if you openly "ask for tea" you could have someone dislike or even hate you for the rest of your life or even worse: have them tell all their friends what a creep you are. Instructing a young person to just "ask for tea" is like instructing them to jump off a proverbial cliff[/quote]
Hey this isn't true at all? When you are kissing and fondling with your hookup/girlfriend/significant other, do you just pull your pants down and go-to-it? I mean, I suppose thats one way of doing it - but from experience I can tell you when the going is getting hot and you ask your partner if they wanna do the horizontal-electric-boogaloo it is not awkward or creepy. In fact, in my experience verbalizing consent does anything but kill the mood as (since im such a casanova) it is usually followed by impassioned pleas for putting a "ding-a-ling" in a "hoo-hah."
you can claim that video is not nuanced but it doesn't forgo this complexity. And, in defense of the video it does seem to make a distinction between 'making tea' and actually drinking it - so do with that what you will.
And, if the worst thing you can throw at the video is it doesn't deal explicitly with determining the non-verbal indicators of consent for sex: well I dunno, maybe our culture would be better if before actual intercourse took place both parties were looking for EXPLICIT CONSENT.
[QUOTE=Flameon;47755349]Hey this isn't true at all? When you are kissing and fondling with your hookup/girlfriend/significant other, do you just pull your pants down and go-to-it? I mean, I suppose thats one way of doing it - but from experience I can tell you when the going is getting hot and you ask your partner if they wanna do the horizontal-electric-boogaloo it is not awkward or creepy. In fact, in my experience verbalizing consent does anything but kill the mood as (since im such a casanova) it is usually followed by impassioned pleas for putting a "ding-a-ling" in a "hoo-hah."
you can claim that video is not nuanced but it doesn't forgo this complexity. And, in defense of the video it does seem to make a distinction between 'making tea' and actually drinking it - so do with that what you will.
And, if the worst thing you can throw at the video is it doesn't deal explicitly with determining the non-verbal indicators of consent for sex: well I dunno, maybe our culture would be better if before actual intercourse took place both parties were looking for EXPLICIT CONSENT.[/QUOTE]
In this case, I'm considering consent to be something you need to receive before you start actively kissing and fondling a complete stranger.
What if I wanted to make them a cup of coffee
[QUOTE=HyperTails;47755367]What if I wanted to make them a cup of coffee[/QUOTE]
Woah! Hold on there buddy, we want to keep this SFW.
Ha! Fair, definitely fair - and in your defense lots of that is non-verbal (though I can also again, tell you from experience that asking someone if you can kiss them can set a mood instead of hurting it).
Then again, the video isn't trying to establish a general schema of consent and tea for everything - its pretty explicit about sex in relation to the tea metaphor.
Not that there arent issues with consent and kissing/fondling- thats a recipe for sexual assault and does require complexity. But it seems that rape is significantly worse and maybe the metaphor is worthwhile in the context of sex.
[QUOTE=HyperTails;47755367]What if I wanted to make them a cup of coffee[/QUOTE]
is that anal
[QUOTE=HyperTails;47755367]What if I wanted to make them a cup of coffee[/QUOTE]
ew
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