mymasturbation.com - Making you feel better about yourself.
279 replies, posted
[QUOTE=INv3Rt;18034103][b]I like to look at some porn like a movie or a book. Then I lie on my stomach (on carpet) and while looking at the porn I rub my cock on the carpet. It feels great![/b]
GOD THAT SOUNDS FUCKING PAINFUL[/QUOTE]
You know, I've heard Cockroaches lay there eggs in rugs...
:saddowns:
[QUOTE=Silversoda;18037530]You know, I've heard Cockroaches lay there eggs in rugs...
:saddowns:[/QUOTE]
What if there was a staple or shard of glass left in there from a broken glass, and your penis happened to take a full force ...
*shiver*
[QUOTE=john_pelphre;18037584]What if there was a staple or shard of glass left in there from a broken glass, and your penis happened to take a full force ...
*shiver*[/QUOTE]
what if the friction started a fire and you couldn't stop it because your penis caught fire and then your whole house was on fire and it was all because you were fucking the floor oh god oh god
[QUOTE=Silversoda;18037665]what if the friction started a fire and you couldn't stop it because your penis caught fire and then your whole house was on fire and it was all because you were fucking the floor oh god oh god[/QUOTE]
That is ridiculous...you can't fuck a floor.
[quote]I want to pour some coke in a chicks vag and then drop some mentos in and see what happens.[/quote]
Girls are not supposed to get sugar in their vagina. Sugar is very good for growing bacteria, so getting it in your vagina can promote all kinds of bacterial infections.
[QUOTE=teh folder;18038039]Girls are not supposed to get sugar in their vagina. Sugar is very good for growing bacteria, so getting it in your vagina can promote all kinds of bacterial infections.[/QUOTE]
tell that to this bitch:
[quote=fucked up bitch]Joy of cola
Take a 2 liter filled up pop and shake it very hard. Then put it under your pussy and take off the cap and let it explode all over your pussy, and feel the joy of cola.....[/quote]
[QUOTE=teh folder;18038039]Girls are not supposed to get sugar in their vagina. Sugar is very good for growing bacteria, so getting it in your vagina can promote all kinds of bacterial infections.[/QUOTE]
But I need to see what would happen. What if she explodes or takes off like a rocket? Who would not want to see this?
From what I can tell, a good summary of this website would be, "I like to take my friend's cock into my anus and have him jerk me until we both explode in a public place while eating a banana, BUT I AM NOT GAY."
[QUOTE=yawmwen;18038213]But I need to see what would happen. What if she explodes or takes off like a rocket? Who would not want to see this?[/QUOTE]
Well I did not say I wouldn't want to see it. =P
[QUOTE=teh folder;18038039]Girls are not supposed to get sugar in their vagina. Sugar is very good for growing bacteria, so getting it in your vagina can promote all kinds of bacterial infections.[/QUOTE]
Well, maybe AwesomeDinos assumption below this text wasn't that far off...
[QUOTE=AwesomeDino;18030467]She gives birth to a molten black baby.[/QUOTE]
[img]http://th03.deviantart.net/fs43/300W/i/2009/137/4/a/Chocolate_baby_melts_by_Sleetwealth.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=Swimbound;18009974]Or rub bengay on your balls.
Unimaginable pleasure.[/QUOTE]
Haha I remember a lot of us telling some guy on here to do just that and I think mods banned some and locked the thread
[editline]01:21AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=PelPix123;18037660]Not to mention that lying on something and rubbing your dick with it actually makes you impotent and infertile because of the pressure on the base of your penis.
I hear that a good percentage of men are introduced to masturbating by humping their bed or the like, and still do it to this day.
Poor bastards.[/QUOTE]
I learned second grade gym class climbing the rope (No joke) and At home had this basketball post thing that I would climb every now and again to get the same feeling... never knew wtf it was for a few months, but once I found out... >=D
[quote=magepro99;18033781]wish i could sit across from her on the bus :3[/quote]
[b]rape.[/b]
[QUOTE]I usually masturbate after a bath. [/QUOTE]
What a sick fucker this one is...
Most stories involve the phrase "but I'm not gay" or some variation
[QUOTE=john_pelphre;18018208]I see what you mean, i could make up one really easily.
"Once, while I was masturbating, I accidentally jerked up too much, and punched my self in the nose. It started bleeding, but I was still horny. Lets just say using your own blood make the orgasm just a little better, especially when your friend licks the cum/blood mess off of his own ass!"
See, not that hard.[/QUOTE]
I'll try too to make a less gay one
I got my fork and stuck it up my bum really far in there and got my asian woman firend to help and she would shave a knife into her pussy and bleed and pee
into a can
Here I made one up
"If you are a girl the BEST way to masturbate is to get a bag of pre cooked hot dogs (make sure they are pre cooked otherwise it's gross!) and put them as far as you can into your vagina. If it breaks just get another one because you have a whole pack! I sometimes warm them up and then it feels almost like a real penis. I cum so hard and fast every time, my dad just wonders why I buy so many hot dogs!"
[quote=mymasturbation]A few weeks ago I was up late masturbating, and I tied my feet to the bedpost above my head and stuck a large, lubricated sharpie into my anus and proceeded to jack off. Well, to get to the point, I came and some of it got in my right eye under my contact lens! So there I was, completely nude, with my feet tied up to the headboard above me, and blinded by my own semen, not able to see to untie myself, and unable to reposition myself either. So there was only one option--call for mom to come to the rescue. Sure, she wasn't happy at all; in fact, I was forced to go to church for the next several months and I was not allowed to go in my room and close the door. I also was grounded and lost all privileges, but the embarrassment of having my mom see me like that was far worse than any punishment I could ever receive![/quote]
:suicide:
I sometimes wonder if im a sad loser.
I now know i'm pretty normal in comparison to some.
Thank you, OP, for the ego boost.
[QUOTE]I take a small nail and insert it into my penis through my pee hole and gently push it in until I can feel it deep inside me. The deeper it goes, the closer I get to an orgasm, until the sensation of the nail inside my penis eventually initiates an ejaculation.[/QUOTE]
Trying this one out tonight
[QUOTE=FINLEY;18040636]Trying this one out tonight[/QUOTE]
Enjoy your tetanus.
[QUOTE=SenorJose;18040688]Enjoy your tetanus.[/QUOTE]
I've been immunised
ive been reading posts in this tread for a while, and people are fucking sick. good night
[QUOTE=voldemorten;18041006]ive been reading posts in this tread for a while, and people are fucking sick.[/QUOTE]
Welcome to Facepunch.
[QUOTE=Benie;18065025]Welcome to [b]life[/b].[/QUOTE]
Fixed
[QUOTE=john_pelphre;18065059]Fixed[/QUOTE]
What life?
hahahhahahahaha oh lawd My favorite way to masturbate is to lie on my back, throw my legs over my head, and then pump the whole load right into my mouth. It tastes great and it is not too filling. Enjoy!
[quote]In my teens, I used to enjoy the thrill of what I called a "dangerwank." I'd start pulling and then, when I knew I was close to shooting, I'd yell "Mom" and have to finish before she ran into the room! There was always the risk she'd burst in when I was beyond the point of no return![/quote]
One badass motherfucker.
Oh god, I remember this :D Found it some years ago, made a thread :)
Got banned for not being descriptive enough in the title :(
[quote]Buddy system
If you have a really close best mate why not toss each other off? It's like a free hand job, but as long as you both consent and do it at the same time it cancels the other one out![/quote]
Yeah, why not...
:geno:
[QUOTE=Negrul1;18069180]Yeah, why not...
:geno:[/QUOTE]
Imagine how awkward that'd be if he denies.
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