Embarrassing Situations thread V.2: I shoved a pencil into my anus - General

Not embarrasing for me but it was for my parents. One day my father was coming home after dropping my stepsister back at manchester (which is about 200 miles away from where I live) and he got stuck in traffic for several hours. When he came back he suddenly ran in the house to fetch some towels and air freshener because he had pissed the car seat while in traffic (since he couldn't go out for a much-needed piss) A week or so later, my mother was still not letting him live the moment down, cracking jokes and stuff. She got up to put the kettle on for a cup of tea, but she just stood in the middle of the floor with a funny look on her face. She just realised she gently shat herself out of nowhere. She didn't crack jokes about my father pissing the car seat after that.

How do you shit out of nowhere. It should feel amazing and weird at the same time.

She said, "Thank you". I said, "Thank you".

[QUOTE=Maximum Mod;40128538]That thread I made 36 months ago I don't think I'll ever get over it, what was I even thinking[/QUOTE] the spam thread? I posted [QUOTE]no. I ain't gonna let you get nothing for free.[/QUOTE] what the hell I have no idea what this means

[QUOTE=Zakkin;40188622]Not embarrasing for me but it was for my parents. One day my father was coming home after dropping my stepsister back at manchester (which is about 200 miles away from where I live) and he got stuck in traffic for several hours. When he came back he suddenly ran in the house to fetch some towels and air freshener because he had pissed the car seat while in traffic (since he couldn't go out for a much-needed piss) A week or so later, my mother was still not letting him live the moment down, cracking jokes and stuff. She got up to put the kettle on for a cup of tea, but she just stood in the middle of the floor with a funny look on her face. She just realised she gently shat herself out of nowhere. She didn't crack jokes about my father pissing the car seat after that.[/QUOTE] this almost happened to me. some semi truck got in a bad accident not too far ahead of me while i was on an interstate road. ended up sitting for 2 hours and still needed to drive to the rest stop. it was so bad i seriousy considered pissing in a cup like a taxi driver.

I remember taking a piss in an empty water bottle once as a child. My parents pulled over and told me to leave the bottle on the sidewalk.

[QUOTE=CriticalIdiot;40181895]Nah buddy, I think first times people will always find it embarrassing buying condoms. Especially if your dad is buying them and exclaims it loudly.[/QUOTE] But I did not ask for them

Not for anyone to take it the wrong way but does anyone find it awkward when they need to phone up a helpline i.e internet provider and you get put through to someone with a strong foreign accent and when you're talking to them you are really struggling to make out what they are saying and almost every question they say you can only reply with. "Sorry can you say that again" then you wing it and go "eerrr yes" and hope you said the right thing. I just don't have a very good ear for strong accents. I always get nervous when my internet goes down and I have to phone up Virgin Media.

When i was 5 according to my grandad and mum while in line for a ride at Lego Land i started dancing and my grandad kept saying to my mum "Make him stop, please!" while everyone stared at me and i just kept dancing not giving a single fuck but completely humiliating my grandad who was begging my mum to stop me.

one time maybe in 3rd grade or so, i asked my teacher to go to the bathroom. she let me go, and when i walked through the door, i rounded the corner to see my friends bare ass as he was using the urinal. i just turned around and walked back to class, i don't think he ever knew who walked in on him.

[QUOTE=violett;40201037]one time maybe in 3rd grade or so, i asked my teacher to go to the bathroom. she let me go, and when i walked through the door, i rounded the corner to see my friends bare ass as he was using the urinal. i just turned around and walked back to class, i don't think he ever knew who walked in on him.[/QUOTE] what the hell this happened to me also in 3rd grade but I was the owner of the ass and the onlookers were two black dudes

Having a single eyebrow burned off leads to a bunch of embarrassing conversations, being a pathological liar really doesn't help.

[QUOTE=someguywithagun;40203031]Having a single eyebrow burned off leads to a bunch of embarrassing conversations, being a pathological liar really doesn't help.[/QUOTE] if you're a pathological liar, how do we know you only have one eyebrow? or that you have conversations OR THAT YOU'RE REALLY A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR

You don't, that's the interesting part. And it grew back btw, lying about being a liar seems needless to me. Then again, I lie for literally no reason whatsoever so, you can't very well believe that either, can you?

So I guess asking how you managed to burn off one of your eyebrows wouldn't produce a truthful result. But, for the sake of a possibly interesting story, truthful or not, how'd you do it?

Alright. In Jr. High I lived with my dad and his wife, being an angsty teen, my favorite activity was to whack it. My dad and step-mom both worked third shift, so they'd be gone and night. One night, when I was still up and, you guessed it, looking to whack it, I stripped down and went in to my dad's bedroom to get his playboy out of his closet. Well, my step-mom was home and she was laying in the bed and I froze. All the lights were off and she was half asleep, so hoping that she didn't see or at least didn't process that I was entirely fucking naked and in her room with a raging boner, I backed up to the doorway really quick and tried to play it off by saying "Lori? I-I had a question... B-but I forgot. Sorry for waking you!" and sprinted back to my room across the hall. [editline]1[/editline] Another... I moved in with my older brother when I started High School some years ago. His neighbors had a son my age (a real shitlord, didn't like him) and a daughter a year or two younger. Made "friends" with the shitlord to get close to his sister. Talked to her every now and then through her window when I was outside smoking. (edgy teenager phase coupled with unusually high amounts of stress for reasons) She hung around my brother's place often to talk to me or his wife or play with his daughter or just because. She would often just let herself in when she knew someone was home. So one day I was alone in the house... Remember that part where I was an angsty teenager? Well, I was butt-ass-naked in the living room whackin' it pretty furiously when she walked in the door. I stopped and looked up in shock, putting my hands up in the air, and she stood there in the doorway staring at me, and she looked down, and she looked back up, and she kind of stutter-mumbled something and slowly backed out and shut the door. Ended up (at a later date) making out with her, but it never went any further than that. Saw her changing through her window one other time, which she definitely did on purpose. [editline]2[/editline] Considerably more recently, just a couple years ago, I was whackin' it in the shower (bad idea, as it turns out) and passed out. Fell down and hit the faucet head, bending the pipe and bruising my rib. No idea how long I was out, because I didn't take note of when I got in, but when I woke up the water was cold and that usually takes about an hour. [editline]3[/editline] One last one, and this one's not about masturbating! When I was much younger, like 10 maybe, I was walking to my local public library and I shit my pants. Not knowing what to do, I went into someone's backyard and took my shorts and underwear off, tossed the underwear in one of their bushes, put my shorts back on and continued to the library. That's all I've got, I think. :v

Back in 2nd grade there was this kid who claimed he was a super hero and that he could fly. Though whenever we tried to get him to actually try and fly he always claimed showing off his powers was against the super hero code. So one day get him to actually try and fly off the playground equipment. End result: He broke his right arm and left leg. He was actually so embarassed that he moved to another school the next week.

It seems that when I was pretty young, a year old or two, once I grabbed a dog poop with my hands not knowing what it was. Luckily, my parents made me throw it away before I could do something with it. And when I was young, in primary school, we usually didn't have enough toilet paper, so, as it happened to me, you could stay inside a couple of hours screaming for help before someone appeared to bring you some paper. Once I went to the bathroom and saw a student a couple of years older than me trying to wipe his ass with the floor, dragging his butt on it like a dog. I noticed he had tried using the toilet corners too before I ran away. Being the shameful (and afraid of beatings) child I was, I didn't say anything when our class was asked if we knew what had happened in the bathroom. What a shitty post.

I didn't do it myself, my physics teacher was doing a demonstration with a blowtorch and i walked in the room and instantly lost an eyebrow, it took like 3 months for it to fully grow back. Some of the questions i got were actually pretty great. "How did you piss off your brother/friends so badly?" was pretty common. "What do you do when you try and look inquisical now?" was one of my favorites.

[QUOTE=thecat100;40185941]Here's my nice little story: It was a normal day at elementary school. I was 4 at the time (kindergarden). Usually, after we eat our lunch, [b]the teachers take make us take a bathroom break[/b], and they lead the whole class into the bathroom. Once we were in the bathroom, all the urinals were taken. I see this drain in the middle of the bathroom floor, and I decide to start peeing in it, and of course, out of all moments, the school director walks into the bathroom. He just stares at me as my piss is sprinkling all over the floor and the drain. He then took me in his office and called my parents.[/QUOTE] I fucking read this like 10 times over and almost had a aneurysm, you did good break my brian.

[QUOTE=Wingboy;40209627]I fucking read this like 10 times over and almost had a aneurysm, you did good break my brian.[/QUOTE] I didn't even realize something was wrong until I read it for the third time, even when you bolded it. Damn.

Not embarrassing for me, but I walked into a Burger King to grab something to eat. I got my food and went to the drink machine to my drink where a worker was cleaning up a mess that was made earlier. I then hear this "CARL, HURRY UP AND GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME AN ANEURYSM!" and the guy quickly stopped what he was doing and started heading back behind the counter but slipped and fell on the ground. My balls would be so far up into my body they would be sticking out of my mouth!

Quite a short one,but when I was in primary school like 8/9 years ago I was sitting in class beside my friend and seeing his awkward movements in the chair I could tell he was holding in a massive fart.Making matters worse the class was in complete silence due to reading time.Anyhow he tried to time a cough with said fart to disguise the fart,wrong move.what erupted next was one hell of an untimed cough followed by a short blast of what seemed to be a squeeky trumpet..the whole class burst out laughing and I still bring it up to this day even considering we're 18.

[QUOTE=Hambone;40209995]Quite a short one,but when I was in primary school like 8/9 years ago I was sitting in class beside my friend and seeing his awkward movements in the chair I could tell he was holding in a massive fart.Making matters worse the class was in complete silence due to reading time.Anyhow he tried to time a cough with said fart to disguise the fart,wrong move.what erupted next was one hell of an untimed cough followed by a short blast of what seemed to be a squeeky trumpet..the whole class burst out laughing and I still bring it up to this day even considering we're 18.[/QUOTE] Same thing happened to my buddy.

[QUOTE=Hambone;40209995]Quite a short one,but when I was in primary school like 8/9 years ago I was sitting in class beside my friend and seeing his awkward movements in the chair I could tell he was holding in a massive fart.Making matters worse the class was in complete silence due to reading time.Anyhow he tried to time a cough with said fart to disguise the fart,wrong move.what erupted next was one hell of an untimed cough followed by a short blast of what seemed to be a squeeky trumpet..the whole class burst out laughing and I still bring it up to this day even considering we're 18.[/QUOTE] I just realized that you posted this from a PS3

[QUOTE=Dr-Amazing;40210521]I just realized that you posted this from a PS3[/QUOTE] Now THAT'S embarrassing!

[QUOTE=Wingboy;40209627]I fucking read this like 10 times over and almost had a aneurysm, you did good break my brian.[/QUOTE] It happens to my too. Like [QUOTE]Did you see that that?[/QUOTE] Or the best one [QUOTE]I am don't[/QUOTE] My typos are embarrasing

[QUOTE=d_cover;40200197]Not for anyone to take it the wrong way but does anyone find it awkward when they need to phone up a helpline i.e internet provider and you get put through to someone with a strong foreign accent and when you're talking to them you are really struggling to make out what they are saying and almost every question they say you can only reply with. "Sorry can you say that again" then you wing it and go "eerrr yes" and hope you said the right thing. I just don't have a very good ear for strong accents. I always get nervous when my internet goes down and I have to phone up Virgin Media.[/QUOTE] this reminded me of when I called verizon and got put on the phone with this indian guy. he was giving me a link and he was spelling out http and he was like h as in hair. t as in tom. I thought he said b as in bomb. I typed hbbp (not thinking anything of it) and he was like can you read it back to me. I was like h as in hat. B as in bomb. My mom who was sitting across the room just gave me this weird look. of course the guy on the phone thought I said t

To keep the fart train going I'll tell a fart story. Once a long time ago in Sunday school we were being gathered around to be read this stupid story, when I was hit with the the most urgent fart I have ever felt in my life. Being that I have nerves of steel, I figured I'd wait it through til the end of the story and fart in private after. [b]NOT SO[/b], as I sat down the fart erupted from my bowels with the loudest crash I have ever been able to expel from my rectum. Oddly enough nobody but the Sunday school teacher's bitchy teenage daughter noticed and gave me a look like "you piece of shit".

*In fancy store* Me: "Oh yeah fucking IZOD COLOGNE BITCH gotta get my SMELL ON" *Grabs cologne* Me: "fucking BLUE SPRING shirt gotta get my SPRING ON" *Grabs blue shirt* Me: "Fucking SHAVER gotta get my BRISTLES ON" *Grabs shaver* *Goes to counter* Man in suit: "That'll be $165" *Doesn't want to spaghetti all overself and put items back* *Coughs up $165*