Embarrassing Situations thread V.2: I shoved a pencil into my anus - General

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;40365212]Another one. I was in Ann Summers with a friend a few months ago. We were trying on one sexy outfit each. I was pretty excited about it because I've never tried on any sexy outfits before. And so I went to the only dressing room in the shop after my friend and I tried on the "Naughty Nurse" outfit. Assuming that it was my friend outside the door, I slung it open and went "TA-DA! What do you think, then?! :dance: " Turned out it wasn't her, but an elderly man stopping in his tracks looking at me from top to bottom. He said under his breath "Erm... Very nice, dear...." Then backed away from me. I just stood there like a right lemon afterwards, still wearing the Naughty Nurse outfit. Then I saw that my friend was by the exit all that time, laughing her arse off! >_< :v:[/QUOTE] I read that in a chavvy English accent. It made it funnier.

Okay. So. I tend to get really bad headaches about every two months that end up with me being violently sick since as long as I can remember. I had one at school about 3 years ago, tell the teacher that I am ill and get taken to the nurses office. Not a problem there. Sat on the bed for a little bit with a bottle of water, and then the deputy head teacher, who is a family friend, walks in. I then get a sharp pain across my forehead and lean forwards. Remember what I said about being violently sick? I vomited in his shoes for about an entire 20 seconds, and he just stood there and took it.

minor, but when i was in kindergarten, for just one day my voice became the equivalent of rubbing two balloons together, and i could barely talk because i couldn't stand the sound of it. i still had to go to school, and for most of the day i managed to get by with not talking, until later when the teacher told me to go up to the front of the class to say the answer to some question. i don't think anyone heard the answer because they were laughing too hard at my voice.

I must be the worst mall security guard ever... I'm still learning where everything is in the mall. So yesterday a woman with her kid came up to me frantically asking where the nearest bathroom was so I gave her directions down the escalators and that the nearest one was in the food court. But I doubted myself after that and looked at a directory and remembered there were some right behind the escalators. I felt so bad and looked up to see if I could flag her down but she was running way down the hall so then I forgot all about it. Then later in my patrol I saw them again, luckily they didn't see me, and I assume the kid had full on shit his pants because he had some new pants. I put myself and cause many embarrassing situations on the job..

Went to McDonalds with a friend, ordered fries, and that's it. Paid for it, and started eating them on the spot. Only after the waitress put the burger onto the tray did I realize what I did wrong. I didn't buy new fries.

snip the link borked

I got caught having sex in this thing last night by a bunch of drunks. :tinfoil: [IMG]http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5440/fatalberthehuehuehuehu.jpg[/IMG]

I was lying on my parents bed with my mom 3 feet from me. My brilliant 5-year-old mind figured that it would be a great time to whip out my dick and play with it. I was weird as fuck.

why are you on facepunch if you're five

[QUOTE=Super_Poo;40427430]I got caught having sex in this thing last night by a bunch of drunks. :tinfoil: [IMG]http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5440/fatalberthehuehuehuehu.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE] gonna have a good time

[QUOTE=Super_Poo;40427430]I got caught having sex in this thing last night by a bunch of drunks. :tinfoil: [IMG]http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5440/fatalberthehuehuehuehu.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE] FAT ALBERT

[QUOTE=D:\;40370447]I read that in a chavvy English accent. It made it funnier.[/QUOTE] Only correct answer is, is that I am English :v: [editline]30th April 2013[/editline] Yet ANOTHER one. Had fun with the boyfriend and were tickling each other and play-fighting, eventually leading up to sex in his bed. There was suddenly a loud banging on the other side of the wall; it was his mum in her room and she shouted "WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING, MOVE THE BED AWAY FROM THE WALL, PLEASE!!!!" FUCK. O.O

I remember probably 6 years back, I made the mistake of eating authentic mexican for lunch, and some greasy chinese for dinner. The next day, if needed to use the bathroom during school (wonder why lol), I get in there and start unleashing the fury! Then someone walks in (it's a 2 person bathroom, urinal and toilet), and goes "Good fucking god! Can I get a courtesy flush! God damn my eyes are burning! 'The fuck did you eat!" and the brave soul still stood his ground and used the urinal while coughing! I waited for about 5 minutes after he left so I wouldn't have my cover blown as the ass blast master.. I got out without anyone seeing me thank god, but when I got to my next class, my teacher was telling some of the other guys in class that someone had the most atomic anus he'd ever encountered... I just slumped in my seat and laughed with the rest :/

I once was quoting a video a friend and I watched and was sending it to him. I accidentally sent it to my other friend. She was confused, considering how the quote was, "Hey, sister, let's fuck."

I was reading out a book in front of the class (we were like 12-13, idk why make us read to the class at that age) and i said "He put away the used one", i cant remember what the original line was but the class started laughing and my teacher looked at me strangely. My Asian friend then decided to scream "See mon? See mon?" then he was sent out, while i sat on the teachers chair looking down at the chaos i had caused.

So for school, I had to go outside to the field. Since my spring allergies are a bitch, my eyes got all red and watery. When this happens, my friends joke around that I look like a stoner. One of my friends tried to sound funny by pulling out a weed (from the ground), and then says "Here's some weed, you can get high on it." To which I remark "Sweet, nigga" And then I notice the toughest kid at my school (who's black) is standing next to me.

[QUOTE=wug;40499739]I was reading out a book in front of the class (we were like 12-13, idk why make us read to the class at that age) and i said "He put away the used one", i cant remember what the original line was but the class started laughing and my teacher looked at me strangely. My Asian friend then decided to scream "See mon? See mon?" then he was sent out, while i sat on the teachers chair looking down at the chaos i had caused.[/QUOTE] Reminds me of this time in middle school when one of my friends mispronounced "organism" as "orgasm" (twice) while reading from our science textbook and the entire class was dying of laughter, because, you know... middle school

[QUOTE=robmaister12;40510115]Reminds me of this time in middle school when one of my friends mispronounced "organism" as "orgasm" (twice) while reading from our science textbook and the entire class was dying of laughter, because, you know... middle school[/QUOTE] I said Bitch when I mean to say beach... in second grade.

A few days ago, there was a knock on my front door. Looking at the time, I assumed it was one of my housemates getting home from uni. Oftentimes I sneak up to the door and press my hand against the glass panel, like something you'd see in a B-grade horror movie. This somehow always gives her a small fright and lightens up her day a bit. This time, though, it wasn't my housemate. Who was it, you ask? Oh, it was no one,[I] just my fucking landlord[/I].

[QUOTE=Nikeos;40288198]when i was about ~10 years old, i used to be really into habbo hotel. so much that i had actually spent real money buying the furniture and monthly habbo club exclusive looks and such (which is embarrassing enough in itself). for all of you who have played habbo, i ended up winning a round of that falling furni game and i thought i would get to pick out which item i wanted from the host's prize room. instead, the guy told me to type out my password holding whatever key and it would come out as asterisks.. i fell for it. little ~10 year old me cried once i saw all of my stuff was gone.[/QUOTE] Don't worry, I avenged us both. I had something similar happen, I'd spent somewhere near $200+ on habbo for just a modest casino room. I was playing a falling furni and lost, so I asked to stay in the room, just sit aside, host let me. Then the round went on and finally the winner emerged. The host kicked him without pay (yep, was a scammer). When they guy came back the host told him it was my scam and I was the one who was supposed to pay him. Well remember how they used to have that bullshit system "scam busters", where anyone could report anything? Yeah, fucking banned "furni scammer - Perm". I fucking raged so hard, but I was bound to get even... FUCKING AND THEN SOME! So, me being about 14ish, I was all into flash and web design. I stole the html from habbo, and crafted my own login with flash that looked legit, but when you logged/registered it sent me that info to a list. Uploaded it on freewebs, hit it with a .tk and got to work hustling it. Anyone who's name I got into, I sent a message to all of their friends saying they found a habbo that starts you off with 500 free credits, and it used the official habbo login. Next thing you know I have a list of over 40,000 usernames and passwords. Guess who's fucking name was on that list... Mhmm, robbed him blind and sexually harassed a mod on his account... PERMA-fucking-BANNED. Plus, all the other people I jacked (remember, I said and some)... Well, let's just say after that I was able to get my hands on a coupe thrones after trading. Plus I was able to sell like 500 hc on ebay for about $400, between all the ebay sales, like $700 total. And I still have a pretty sweet room, but I went the robbin hood route after a while. I had giveaways like everyday and gave close friends like 3 hc a day. Moral of the story, I avenged us both :D

[QUOTE=mrgrim333;40537383]Don't worry, I avenged us both. I had something similar happen, I'd spent somewhere near $200+ on habbo for just a modest casino room. I was playing a falling furni and lost, so I asked to stay in the room, just sit aside, host let me. Then the round went on and finally the winner emerged. The host kicked him without pay (yep, was a scammer). When they guy came back the host told him it was my scam and I was the one who was supposed to pay him. Well remember how they used to have that bullshit system "scam busters", where anyone could report anything? Yeah, fucking banned "furni scammer - Perm". I fucking raged so hard, but I was bound to get even... FUCKING AND THEN SOME! So, me being about 14ish, I was all into flash and web design. I stole the html from habbo, and crafted my own login with flash that looked legit, but when you logged/registered it sent me that info to a list. Uploaded it on freewebs, hit it with a .tk and got to work hustling it. Anyone who's name I got into, I sent a message to all of their friends saying they found a habbo that starts you off with 500 free credits, and it used the official habbo login. Next thing you know I have a list of over 40,000 usernames and passwords. Guess who's fucking name was on that list... Mhmm, robbed him blind and sexually harassed a mod on his account... PERMA-fucking-BANNED. Plus, all the other people I jacked (remember, I said and some)... Well, let's just say after that I was able to get my hands on a coupe thrones after trading. Plus I was able to sell like 500 hc on ebay for about $400, between all the ebay sales, like $700 total. And I still have a pretty sweet room, but I went the robbin hood route after a while. I had giveaways like everyday and gave close friends like 3 hc a day. Moral of the story, I avenged us both :D[/QUOTE] holy shit dude

[QUOTE=mrgrim333;40537383]Don't worry, I avenged us both. I had something similar happen, I'd spent somewhere near $200+ on habbo for just a modest casino room. I was playing a falling furni and lost, so I asked to stay in the room, just sit aside, host let me. Then the round went on and finally the winner emerged. The host kicked him without pay (yep, was a scammer). When they guy came back the host told him it was my scam and I was the one who was supposed to pay him. Well remember how they used to have that bullshit system "scam busters", where anyone could report anything? Yeah, fucking banned "furni scammer - Perm". I fucking raged so hard, but I was bound to get even... FUCKING AND THEN SOME! So, me being about 14ish, I was all into flash and web design. I stole the html from habbo, and crafted my own login with flash that looked legit, but when you logged/registered it sent me that info to a list. Uploaded it on freewebs, hit it with a .tk and got to work hustling it. Anyone who's name I got into, I sent a message to all of their friends saying they found a habbo that starts you off with 500 free credits, and it used the official habbo login. Next thing you know I have a list of over 40,000 usernames and passwords. Guess who's fucking name was on that list... Mhmm, robbed him blind and sexually harassed a mod on his account... PERMA-fucking-BANNED. Plus, all the other people I jacked (remember, I said and some)... Well, let's just say after that I was able to get my hands on a coupe thrones after trading. Plus I was able to sell like 500 hc on ebay for about $400, between all the ebay sales, like $700 total. And I still have a pretty sweet room, but I went the robbin hood route after a while. I had giveaways like everyday and gave close friends like 3 hc a day. Moral of the story, I avenged us both :D[/QUOTE] Even though I find Habbo Hotel to be a fantastically retarded game due to its business model and the amount of idiots, you still get a winner rating my good sir. [IMG]http://media.scout.com/media/forums/emoticons/145/golfclap.gif[/IMG]

Got through 3/4 of a test with pencil and realized I was supposed to do it in pen. [video=youtube;XhI0OVs_zj0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhI0OVs_zj0[/video] [sp]Was able to redo 1/2 of it in pen, hopefully they can still scan and read it.[/sp]

[QUOTE=mrgrim333;40537383]Don't worry, I avenged us both. I had something similar happen, I'd spent somewhere near $200+ on habbo for just a modest casino room. I was playing a falling furni and lost, so I asked to stay in the room, just sit aside, host let me. Then the round went on and finally the winner emerged. The host kicked him without pay (yep, was a scammer). When they guy came back the host told him it was my scam and I was the one who was supposed to pay him. Well remember how they used to have that bullshit system "scam busters", where anyone could report anything? Yeah, fucking banned "furni scammer - Perm". I fucking raged so hard, but I was bound to get even... FUCKING AND THEN SOME! So, me being about 14ish, I was all into flash and web design. I stole the html from habbo, and crafted my own login with flash that looked legit, but when you logged/registered it sent me that info to a list. Uploaded it on freewebs, hit it with a .tk and got to work hustling it. Anyone who's name I got into, I sent a message to all of their friends saying they found a habbo that starts you off with 500 free credits, and it used the official habbo login. Next thing you know I have a list of over 40,000 usernames and passwords. Guess who's fucking name was on that list... Mhmm, robbed him blind and sexually harassed a mod on his account... PERMA-fucking-BANNED. Plus, all the other people I jacked (remember, I said and some)... Well, let's just say after that I was able to get my hands on a coupe thrones after trading. Plus I was able to sell like 500 hc on ebay for about $400, between all the ebay sales, like $700 total. And I still have a pretty sweet room, but I went the robbin hood route after a while. I had giveaways like everyday and gave close friends like 3 hc a day. Moral of the story, I avenged us both :D[/QUOTE] I'm not going to go into the legal shit about doing this stuff [sp]dont do it[/sp], because thats damn cool

Keep work and private life seperated man.

So the most terrifying moment of my life just happened. My girlfriend is staying the night (it's Saturday) since my dad is out of town. She told her mom she's staying at her friend's house. We've done this before so neither of us were too worried, but we had just gotten ice cream and on the way back she reminded me that we need condoms. Now a little back story, my girlfriend has dated some pretty awful dudes who were mainly after getting their rocks off, so naturally her mom is pretty protective. She has no clue that we're sexually active, and I suspect if she did she would kill me in the blink of an eye. Anyway, I stop by a drug store to pick up some condoms, my girlfriend got icecream on her shirt so she's waiting in the car. I'm whistling and making haste towards the family planning isle when I suddenly hear a familiar voice say "hey Daniel." I look over. My girlfriend's mom. "UH HI." Quickly look away, panic, try to look around for something [I]anything[/I] to pretend to buy. I spot the mother's day cards. Fucking jackpot. I spend five minutes or so pretending to look and then I just power walk fast enough to break the speed of sound while trying to look casual.

Leaving McDonald's with my mum and my sister. My mum says "Come on key boy!" (dunno, 'cause I had the car keys probably), I just turn around and say "Did you just call me chemo boy?". My sister died of laughter but my mum just looked at me like "da fuck you just say"

Ok, I'm here with a recent one. I do a weight lifting/ cardio class in school. It's nice, I get to work out for free and I've managed to make a few friends in there too. But the class is directly after lunch, so most of the time I've got to take a mean shit when I get there. Well, one day I had eaten leftover chili from dinner. Needless to say, my bowels were about to reenact the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But I was running late, so I just sped off to class without visiting the bathroom. I get there, dress down, and we start cardio. In the cardio room, there's 2 doors. One leading in at the front of the class, and one on the outer wall that opens to the parking lot. It was quite hot so we decided to prop the door open with a brick. About a few minutes later I start to sweat because I'm a fat fuck. Then I feel it. My stomach begins to contact and growl. It's time to drop the belly bomb. I fart. I fart the longest, most silent fucking fart ever farted. It sounded like letting the air out of a balloon, but much, much quieter. With the door open, the wind picks up and carries it to the direct opposite corner of the room. And God damn did it smell. One kid, a small Chinese kid, fucking fell off his treadmill and began to gag. Everybody immediately began to accuse each other of the crooked deed. Nobody pointed me out, so I guess I got off scott free. not really embarrassing, but I am embarrassed by my crime against the world

I accidently bought and gave my now-ex boyfriend a "Happy Birthday to an Amazing Son" chocolate bar instead of a "Happy Birthday to an Amazing Boyfriend" one.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;40668956]I accidently bought and gave my now-ex boyfriend a "Happy Birthday to an Amazing Son" chocolate bar instead of a "Happy Birthday to an Amazing Boyfriend" one.[/QUOTE] If a dude breaks up with you for that he seems like kind of a dick