Sex, Girlfriends and Shit III - General

Well semen can be easily be cleaned in my opinion. I laughed about the talk with your mom.

[QUOTE=Evilan;35214768]You might want to lay down a towel on the seat you're going to be fucking on, just in case any semen leaks down onto the seats (especially ruins leather). Funny story about why I recommend this. One weekend my mom was out town during the summer when I was home from my first year of college and my ex came over. We were flirting a lot on the couch and then we started to get physical and decided not to go up to my bedroom. We screwed for awhile on this leather couch in the middle of a 100+ degree summer getting sweat all over the cushioning. When I finally blew my load in the condom and removed my penis, I did not take the condom off correctly and some of the semen landed on the edge of one of the cushions. At this point I was freaking out, my girlfriend was just lying there exhausted and I just observed the horror of what our sexcapade had created. Around my girlfriend where the sweat had fallen it had stained the light brown leather couch an awful black color and where the semen had fallen the couch had already absorbed the discoloration from it and left a gray stain outline where I had wiped away the semen. Now for those of you who don't know, leather is damned near impossible to clean and I doubted I could remove it all before my mom came back in 2 days and examined the damage. When my girlfriend finally got up and looked she was also horrified, but more for me and expressly said, "Your mom is going to kill you..." My first thought was thanks, I didn't know that, but I appreciate the obvious. But it was quickly followed up by another thought saying thanks for not taking any credit you selfish bitch. Anyways, two days quickly passes and I didn't dare touch the couch because I could easily ruin it far worse than I had if I used any strong chemicals on it. My mom came home, got really mad that the couch she never has time to sit on was ruined and that her 19 year old son had sex somewhere that I apparently wasn't allowed to while I lived there (sorry mom). I paid to replace the cushions and had an awkward conversation about how the only place in her house that I can have sex is in my room.[/QUOTE] Semen shouldn't stain leather dude, a quick clean with eucalyptus oil or something should have gotten rid of it easily. I've been forced to clean it off a cushion at my girlfriend's house, and it came (ha) off after a quick scrub.

Suddenly, time machines.

[QUOTE=Mobon1;35211158]you sound way overdependent on him. you should work on improving your standing with other people than with this imo.[/QUOTE] Well, this sure is one problem. Not that I'm overdependent on him, since I don't live my life completely around him. But one thing is, I don't have many friends left after school (we lost eachothers easily, and to be honest, most of the people from my class were just... well, not the type of people I like to be around), and the few ones don't live here in Germany anymore or are busy with their own lifes, since they now study and stuff like that. I see them once every few weeks, so I don't distract me from this situation that well. Family can't do that either, since I'm left with my father. Two uncles and my brother live in other cities and I see them maybe like four times a year. Things like that are the reason why I'd love to move to a city near him, make a new start and have the benefit of him being around. I know some people in his area, so I'd get an easy start in there, but to fulfill this I'd have to be extreme lucky.

[QUOTE=Miss Tiki;35218164]Well, this sure is one problem. Not that I'm overdependent on him, since I don't live my life completely around him. But one thing is, I don't have many friends left after school (we lost eachothers easily, and to be honest, most of the people from my class were just... well, not the type of people I like to be around), and the few ones don't live here in Germany anymore or are busy with their own lifes, since they now study and stuff like that. I see them once every few weeks, so I don't distract me from this situation that well. Family can't do that either, since I'm left with my father. Two uncles and my brother live in other cities and I see them maybe like four times a year. Things like that are the reason why I'd love to move to a city near him, make a new start and have the benefit of him being around. I know some people in his area, so I'd get an easy start in there, but to fulfill this I'd have to be extreme lucky.[/QUOTE] Then start being social. EDIT: I'm tired. She knows what to do.

[QUOTE=Doozle;35204919]My girlfriend is pretty good on the blowjob front, the best ones are unexpected afternoon blowjobs.[/QUOTE] My ex-girlfriend used to give the best fucking blowjobs. *sigh*

[QUOTE=ewitwins;35219422]My ex-girlfriend used to give the best fucking blowjobs. *sigh*[/QUOTE] In comparison to whom?

Two years on Sunday. God, time to settle down, house, couple of kids.

[QUOTE=kebab52;35220708]Two years on Sunday. God, time to settle down, house, couple of kids.[/QUOTE] bah two years is nothing.

[QUOTE=thisispain;35220750]bah two years is nothing.[/QUOTE] .... How dim.

[QUOTE=Seith;35220921].... How dim.[/QUOTE] tea pot calling the kettle black...

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMEH3eHn_gs&feature=related[/media] Is this how I get friends? Skip to 3:20

[QUOTE=thisispain;35220964]tea pot calling the kettle black...[/QUOTE] Pot. Teapots don't go black! [editline]21st March 2012[/editline] Usually

[QUOTE=Mlisen14;35223355]Pot. Teapots don't go black! [editline]21st March 2012[/editline] Usually[/QUOTE] my teapot is black

Is it painted black?

Thisispain's teapot calling thisispain's kettle black doesn't have the same ring to it.

The car sex went surprisingly well, I put my backpack on the center console and put her ontop of it and held myself up in the air with my arms on the front and passenger seat and went in from there. It was exhausting but I hit it like a boss. Any advice on shower sex now?

Adhesive rubber ducks.

[QUOTE=RopaDope;35225164]Any advice on shower sex now?[/QUOTE] get naked, turn the shower on, have sex in it

[QUOTE=Evilan;35214768]You might want to lay down a towel on the seat you're going to be fucking on, just in case any semen leaks down onto the seats (especially ruins leather). Funny story about why I recommend this. One weekend my mom was out town during the summer when I was home from my first year of college and my ex came over. We were flirting a lot on the couch and then we started to get physical and decided not to go up to my bedroom. We screwed for awhile on this leather couch in the middle of a 100+ degree summer getting sweat all over the cushioning. When I finally blew my load in the condom and removed my penis, I did not take the condom off correctly and some of the semen landed on the edge of one of the cushions. At this point I was freaking out, my girlfriend was just lying there exhausted and I just observed the horror of what our sexcapade had created. Around my girlfriend where the sweat had fallen it had stained the light brown leather couch an awful black color and where the semen had fallen the couch had already absorbed the discoloration from it and left a gray stain outline where I had wiped away the semen. Now for those of you who don't know, leather is damned near impossible to clean and I doubted I could remove it all before my mom came back in 2 days and examined the damage. When my girlfriend finally got up and looked she was also horrified, but more for me and expressly said, "Your mom is going to kill you..." My first thought was thanks, I didn't know that, but I appreciate the obvious. But it was quickly followed up by another thought saying thanks for not taking any credit you selfish bitch. Anyways, two days quickly passes and I didn't dare touch the couch because I could easily ruin it far worse than I had if I used any strong chemicals on it. My mom came home, got really mad that the couch she never has time to sit on was ruined and that her 19 year old son had sex somewhere that I apparently wasn't allowed to while I lived there (sorry mom). I paid to replace the cushions and had an awkward conversation about how the only place in her house that I can have sex is in my room.[/QUOTE] One of the first times I had sex with my girlfriend, she was a virgin and thus there was a bit of everything on the blanket, including blood freaked right the hell out, got some liquid from under the kitchen sink, looked like stain remover, and tried to rub it off. Looked fine until mum pointed out a huge, maroon ringed stain from the stain remover around the duna. Told her it was a coke spill and the whole thing just blew over

[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35226297]get naked, turn the shower on, have sex in it[/QUOTE] Welllll... You couldn't go wrong with one of those rubber mats on the bottom of the shower to prevent any injuries v:v:v [editline]21st March 2012[/editline] slip-sliiiidin' away...

[QUOTE=RopaDope;35225164]Any advice on shower sex now?[/QUOTE] Tell her to drop the soap.

[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35226297]get naked, turn the shower on, have sex in it[/QUOTE] I recommend it with luke warm or slightly cold water. I did that once with my girlfriend and we had hot water on and i blacked out for about 10 seconds from the heat of the water plus the intense sex.

[QUOTE=RopaDope;35225164]The car sex went surprisingly well, I put my backpack on the center console and put her ontop of it and held myself up in the air with my arms on the front and passenger seat and went in from there. It was exhausting but I hit it like a boss. Any advice on shower sex now?[/QUOTE] Don't slip. Oh man, four months in intensive care, and my dick is half it's original size.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;35227545][b]One of the first times I had sex with my girlfriend, she was a virgin[/b] and thus there was a bit of everything on the blanket, including blood freaked right the hell out, got some liquid from under the kitchen sink, looked like stain remover, and tried to rub it off. Looked fine until mum pointed out a huge, maroon ringed stain from the stain remover around the duna. Told her it was a coke spill and the whole thing just blew over[/QUOTE] You mean the [b]first[/b] time, right?

[QUOTE=DaFreshLemon;35229054]You mean the [b]first[/b] time, right?[/QUOTE] one of the many times before she was fine with actually going through with it, took about 3 months before she wouldnt freak out halfway through she was batshit crazy

Or she was nervous cause it was her first time...

[QUOTE=Evilan;35214768]Funny story about why I recommend this. One weekend my mom was out town during the summer when I was home from my first year of college and my ex came over. We were flirting a lot on the couch and then we started to get physical and decided not to go up to my bedroom. We screwed for awhile on this leather couch in the middle of a 100+ degree summer getting sweat all over the cushioning. When I finally blew my load in the condom [B]and removed my penis[/B], I did not take the condom off correctly and some of the semen landed on the edge of one of the cushions. At this point I was freaking out, my girlfriend was just lying there exhausted and I just observed the horror of what our sexcapade had created. Around my girlfriend where the sweat had fallen it had stained the light brown leather couch an awful black color and where the semen had fallen the couch had already absorbed the discoloration from it and left a gray stain outline where I had wiped away the semen. Now for those of you who don't know, leather is damned near impossible to clean and I doubted I could remove it all before my mom came back in 2 days and examined the damage.[/QUOTE] UHHHH is this part of the advice :tinfoil:

you should always detach and soak your penis afterwards for thorough cleaning.

[QUOTE=LazyBoy;35230748]UHHHH is this part of the advice :tinfoil:[/QUOTE] What, you all don't have strap on penises... Nah, I thought I would tell the whole story without going into "explicit" detail. [editline]21st March 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Mlisen14;35215293]Semen shouldn't stain leather dude, a quick clean with eucalyptus oil or something should have gotten rid of it easily. I've been forced to clean it off a cushion at my girlfriend's house, and it came (ha) off after a quick scrub.[/QUOTE] I wasn't exactly the brightest 19 year old kid. Still, the semen wasn't the part I was worried about the most. I could chalk it up to a milk stain, but the black sweat stains everywhere were what really caught my attention.