[QUOTE=pakadots;35279710]And the benefit, for me, would be realizing that my spouse felt i was special enough to be chosen as her partner, and that i can fully trust her, that every time she hugs a guy friend i wouldn't be scared of leaving her in the room with the same guy alone, [B]whereas if i knew she had a plentiful sex history i wouldn't be as sure[/B]. and vice versa.[/QUOTE]
wow. i think you must have some serious trust issues if that's really how you feel
[editline]24th March 2012[/editline]
and i personally didn't say that sex was purely physical, i said that it *could* be
[QUOTE] i can fully trust her, that every time she hugs a guy friend i wouldn't be scared of leaving her in the room with the same guy alone, whereas if i knew she had a plentiful sex history i wouldn't be as sure.[/quote]
sounds like you need to chill
[quote]if sex is purely physical why does it hurt so badly to find out you've been cheated on[/quote]
if you're treating it as a casual, physical thing then it doesn't?...
[quote] or for children who were sexually abused? [/quote]
this is a totally different kettle of fish
in fact i don't think that anyone has said that sex is just a physical act and that's all there ever is to it
sex is a physical act and that's all there ever is to it
[QUOTE=Lukeo;35279777]sex is a physical act and that's all there ever is to it[/QUOTE]
oh you scoundrel!!
I'm back together with the girl from a few pages back. I really hope this doesn't go to shit, everything is so great again. She's really afraid that her past will make me think less of her. While the things she's told me about her life so far are incredibly tragic, and have opened my eyes up to a whole other world, they in no way change my opinion of her. I just hope she overcomes this fear in time.
[QUOTE=pakadots;35278486]I believe this nonchalance view of sex is one of the leading causes to broken families and divorce down the road. I heard a good analogy on the subject before. [/QUOTE]
well thats a nice belief, but did you know it's actually been proven that it's caused by the changing view of marriage in today's society?
in the past, people married for money, because of pressure, because it "made sense", etc.
now, we marry for love, and it turns out its much harder to keep love in a relationship than a steady flow of money
since we take marriage much more personally now, it also leads to more people getting separated (a perfectly healthy thing to do) rather than just saying "eh ill deal with it for another 50 years"
[QUOTE=pakadots;35279710]Hehe, again my sexual experience gets assuredly dropped in the conversation without me saying anything about it.
And the benefit, for me, would be realizing that my spouse felt i was special enough to be chosen as her partner, and that i can fully trust her, that every time she hugs a guy friend i wouldn't be scared of leaving her in the room with the same guy alone, whereas if i knew she had a plentiful sex history i wouldn't be as sure. and vice versa.
And sex is nothing but a physical act? You guys are dodging my main argument towards the whole thing, if sex is purely physical why does it hurt so badly to find out you've been cheated on, or for children who were sexually abused? Why is all of that so much stronger, and so much more painful than being physically abused, (Not at all trying to deduct from the seriousness of physical abuse)[/QUOTE]
I seriously think you'll finally have sex and think "why the fuck did I wait all that time for [I]this[/I]?".
You'd be incredibly lucky if your first time was good and completely successful. I think you'll regret not having past experiences to make it better when you finally meet your girl.
And how long are you going to wait? I don't see how you're going to develop a relationship to the point you trust her completely, and know you're going to marry her until you've had all the sexual experience. Have you even been in a proper relationship? Good sex is an important part of a strong relationship in my opinion, it is a lot about trusting each other, communicating properly with each other, looking after one anothers needs and catering for your partner. Sharing that pleasure together also seems to bring you together.
It's kind of a catch 22- in my opinion, sex would play a key role in choosing who you'd want to be with and finding out if you cared for them and trusted them. But you're saying you wouldn't have sex until you knew all that already.
I'm just thinking about my future. and i think others shouldn't feel pressured by the general media, massively shared view, that holding off makes you a pussy or less of a man. If it makes a difference i'm not a virgin, i could count my number of partners on one hand.
One could argue that the more you do something, the less vulnerable you become. (Getting up on stage for example though that doesnt work with what im about to say). When i think about the first person i loved, I was completely vulnerable, when i found out it was one sided, i was terri-petrified.
Yes, it was infatuation, but either way, the more experience i got in the matter, the less i felt like i could be hurt. But in turn the less of an award it was for me (I think; had i actually gotten with that first girl)
Has anyone heard of tantric sexuality? i don't think that could be shared with someone you didn't love.
I think i was taken out of context from waiting for marriage (Since i used the word spouse), opposed waiting for love.
[QUOTE=pakadots;35280030] If it makes a difference i'm not a virgin, i could count my number of partners on one hand.[/QUOTE]
get it
because he uses one hand to beat it
but in all seriousness, why would you trust a virgin more to be faithful to you than a girl with some experience? if she's had sex before and decides you're the one she wants to settle down with, shouldn't that say more than the girl who's never had sex and could suddenly have a different view once she does?
Again, I think sex is part of finding out if you love someone, so I couldn't see how you could wait to find love to have sex?
And everything you've said so far made me think you haven't had sex before .
so, lemme get this straight
you're not a virgin, you can count the amount of girls you've been with on a hand
but you plan on "sharing yourself with your wife and your wife only"
and you're telling people that they should save their virginity because it'd be better for their future spouse
but what i don't get is how you could be sure that that was your view *before* you'd already slept with someone... surely it took the act of having sex with some one to make you realise that now you want to hold out for your future wife?
[QUOTE=Autumn;35280207]so, lemme get this straight
you're not a virgin, you can count the amount of girls you've been with on a hand
but you plan on "sharing yourself with your wife and your wife only"
and you're telling people that they should save their virginity because it'd be better for their future spouse
but what i don't get is how you could be sure that that was your view *before* you'd already slept with someone... surely it took the act of having sex with some one to make you realise that now you want to hold out for your future wife?[/QUOTE]
I misspoke when i said wife, and spouse, i meant someone you loved deeply, who i assumed would eventually turn into spouse or whatever.
It wasn't my view before. Before losing your virginity you have such a high expectation for it. You think you'll be a new person. It was the realization from having sex with just a few girls that were attractive though i felt nothing for them, that i noticed i wasn't getting attached to any of them, though they were very strongly attached to me(This is why i wasn't going to use my own history because it seems as if i'm making myself out to be some hard ass muhfucka). Sex doesn't make relationships, that last. Relationships should be formed, then sex should be shared, and it is my belief that the sex will be more precious(though i expect someone will quickly tell me it doesnt make a difference). Knocked Up was a fairy tale story.
If there is no love involved, yes it's just a physical act, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have consequences on your being. You are hardening your heart. I'm guessing, though i have no real knowledge of brains, that there's probably some sort of endorphin released each time you have sex, and the more and more partners you have the lesser amount is released for each person, im going to do a little bit of research to either deny or verify this 'hypothesis'.
There are a few good arguments, so i'm glad you guys aren't making it easy. But let me clarify, my original statement was intended for virgins who may or may not feel the need to go out and have sex just so they're no longer virgins, that being a virgin isn't a bad thing.
And for everyone saying anything about skill, it takes like once or twice to realize how everything works, practice makes perfect yea, but why not perfect the skill with a loved one?
yeah, the endorphin 'hypothesis' is wrong. sex isn't ecstasy, as long as you dont orgasm eight times in a row it's still going to feel good the next day
of course being a virgin isnt being a bad thing, and sex is something that's made better if youre in a relationship, but you can also have sex out of a relationship for the thrill of having sex with a new partner. it wont degrade any future sex you have with someone you love.
[QUOTE=pakadots;35280542]
And for everyone saying anything about skill, it takes like once or twice to realize how everything works, practice makes perfect yea, but why not perfect the skill with a loved one?[/QUOTE]
Realizing how everything works and being good at it are totally different things.
but i don't think anybody here has ever suggested that people go out and lose their virginity just for the sake of losing it. not valuing it at all probably isn't the best idea, but by over glamourising it into this completely magical thing that should only be saved for The One and that 'if you lose it with anyone else will only lead to a lonely, miserable life' is complete rubbish and i don't think it's good (or fair) advice to give.
everybody should know if they're ready to have sex or not, and if some people feel like they want to hold out for longer, then who is anyone to try and stop them. i just disagree when you're telling it like it's the best advice for a long and fulfilling relationship.
that said, most of the rest of what you've just said ^ makes sense to me, so really we've just gone a really long way around to agreeing on something that we pretty much agreed with already... (apart from your theory about endorphin release being reduced per amount of partners you have, that sounds like complete bull to me)
ah well, maybe we've all learnt a little something
[editline]24th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=H4yd3n;35280738]Realizing how everything works and being good at it are totally different things.[/QUOTE]
yep yep yep
fucking hell autumn best reply ive seen from you since this thread started.
cheers mate
[QUOTE=pakadots;35271476]
Also, yea maybe in highschool admitting you're a virgin is shameful, but you'll find the older you get the rarer they become, and if you find that you're a virgin not due to lack of opportunity but because you respect yourself and your future wife/lover, Well fuck, youre a prized being.[/QUOTE]
bah what a horrible thing to say.
and you basically said my girlfriend was untrustworthy because she's had multiple sex-partners.
guess what, the amount of people you have sex with tends to go up when you are in your twenties, and it doesn't mean you're not a "prized being".
why would i respect my future wife/lover, she hasn't done anything worthwhile yet.
(bah i'm late to this discussion!)
"i'm gonna respect someone that may or may not ever show up by saving my sex life for them!"
that's like saying you'll never eat a chip until you find the perfect chip.
the chip doesn't give a shit even when you find it.
women are chips
also your hypothesis applies mainly to repetitive marriage sex
[editline]24th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=T2L_Goose;35282563]women are chips[/QUOTE]
with feelings*
it's fairly obvious pakadots is an angry virgin who uses big words to justify him not being able to get any, and because of this he might as well "wait for his true love"
aka
angsty teen with blue balls
thankfully you didn't just ignite something stupid
It comes down to preference, i would prefer to find a girl with maybe not a perfectly clean track record, but one that isn't like a receipt after a costco trip.
And since that's what i would prefer to find, it's only fair that i be the person that i'm looking for, is looking for.
[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;35283425]it's fairly obvious pakadots is an angry virgin who uses big words to justify him not being able to get any, and because of this he might as well "wait for his true love"
aka
angsty teen with blue balls[/QUOTE]
The last bandwagon left like 5 hours ago, you'll have to wait for the next one.
[QUOTE=T2L_Goose;35282563]women are chips[/QUOTE]
[img]http://hellomoye.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bugle.jpg[/img]
Bugles to be precise
[QUOTE=pakadots;35283503]
The last bandwagon left like 5 hours ago, you'll have to wait for the next one.[/QUOTE]
uh...
ok but i still dont see what exactly youre gaining out of not having sex
its not like sex is such a huge deal that you will always regret doing it foreve
seriously i had sex at a young age and it didn't really change anything.
i mean if i could i would have changed the circumstance but that's pointless.
that attitude towards sex is really just going to set you up for failure, and what are you gonna do when you meet someone who's absolutely crazy about you and you're crazy about them and they reveal that in college they slept with anything within a 20 mile radius.
it's not wrong, it's just unrealistic.
[QUOTE=thisispain;35283769]what are you gonna do when you meet someone who's absolutely crazy about you and you're crazy about them and they reveal that in college they slept with anything within a 20 mile radius.
[/QUOTE]
idk
Move to the middle of the woods?
hopefully you'll grow the fuck up.
I just got laid, the best thirty minutes I've had in a while. Something's up when your girlfriend shows up with boxes of condoms and cutest lingerie hidden under her clothing. Sexiest foreplay ever, I treat her to a massage. I went to put on music and when I turned around she was already completely naked on my bed, hiding underneath the sheets.
It's been weeks and I finally get some action. That release of tension and stress oh man. Sexiest sexy time I've had albeit how short it was. Her voice filling my small room with cutest moans ever. Rolling her eyes and everything on top of me. She reached climax , one after the other rather quickly and called it quits; I was barely getting started. Foreplay and teasing is my favorite part and gentlemen, make sure to treat your lover if you have the chance.
After, she put on a new pair of jeans I have been recently given and I took a couple of pictures. Walked around half-naked all giddy, really something of a girlfriend I never thought in my life I would ever have. I would upload them but you guys wouldn't believe it was really her though
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
