[QUOTE=yawmwen;35394852]Interrupt her and ask her out in front of her friend.[/QUOTE] this. While friends are daunting, they are only deterrents.
[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;35395071]this. While friends are daunting, they are only deterrents.[/QUOTE]
I found friends are a pretty huge deterrent. It just adds another person you can make yourself look like a fool infront of.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;35391124]around two or three days after not masturbating your testosterone peaks, don't withhold longer than that.[/QUOTE]
7 actually.
[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DCIOF_G8Dmc/TqZDhcsjHTI/AAAAAAAAFR4/zQ5Rc_E-bMw/s400/testosterone_chart.gif[/img]
[QUOTE=Methylparaben;35395495]I found friends are a pretty huge deterrent. It just adds another person you can make yourself look like a fool infront of.[/QUOTE]
The risks are worth it. For one, it shows you have balls, which can be pretty endearing to a girl.
Number two, isn't being in a relationship about making yourself look like a fool, at least a little bit? Or at least opening yourself up to the possibility of looking like a fool? You're sharing yourself with another person. Your fears, turn-ons, hopes, dreams, etc.(hopefully not all at once on the first date though). If you don't take a risk by opening yourself up for people to judge you, your aren't really living a full, 3 dimensional life.
Again, that's at least how I look at it.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35395670]The risks are worth it. For one, it shows you have balls, which can be pretty endearing to a girl.
Number two, isn't being in a relationship about making yourself look like a fool, at least a little bit? Or at least opening yourself up to the possibility of looking like a fool? You're sharing yourself with another person. Your fears, turn-ons, hopes, dreams, etc.(hopefully not all at once on the first date though). If you don't take a risk by opening yourself up for people to judge you, your aren't really living a full, 3 dimensional life.
Again, that's at least how I look at it.[/QUOTE]
In that context, more actions and less thinking is the way to go.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35395670]The risks are worth it. For one, it shows you have balls, which can be pretty endearing to a girl.
Number two, isn't being in a relationship about making yourself look like a fool, at least a little bit? Or at least opening yourself up to the possibility of looking like a fool? You're sharing yourself with another person. Your fears, turn-ons, hopes, dreams, etc.(hopefully not all at once on the first date though). If you don't take a risk by opening yourself up for people to judge you, your aren't really living a full, 3 dimensional life.
Again, that's at least how I look at it.[/QUOTE]
Well put and point taken. I just didn't have the balls for it, at least not this time round.
[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;35394793]Don't act any different. Be normal (whatever 'normal' is for you).
When you get there, if she's busy on the first suggestion, make a second one. Don't look distressed when doing so though.
avoid terms like "hang out some time" "hang out over the break" or anything that suggests that the time and date is in the air and unknown. Keep control of the invitation and make sure that you have alternative dates, even if they're a week apart. By keeping control of the invitation, you keep the ball in your court. You are directly asking her if she wants to go out with you. you are not suggesting that you two go out, you are directly addressing her.
"Hey, do you want to go out this friday after school?"
'I'd love to but I'm busy that day'
"Thats alright, what about saturday at... 2:30?"
if she's busy then too, then:
"Thats okay too, when would be best for you?"
There is a chance it won't be for a while before she's free, or there's a chance you'll be simply denied. As long as you didn't totally fuck up the invitation, then it won't be awkward for you two unless [I]you[/I] make it awkward by acting odd afterwards.[/QUOTE]
1. I wouldn't recommend setting up a date a few days later after you asked her out. Imagine you're in the best mood ever, then, a friends comes up and suggests going on Saturday to some awesome club. On the spur of the moment, you agree. You were in a good mood. A few days pass, mood shifts, you probably would pass on the idea when the time actually comes. Same with women.
2. When setting up a date, face to face, I would also recommend it being on that same day. Taking her somewhere, for the reason above. You need to leverage the attraction you've created (if you even did) and lock her in.
3. As to how you should ask her out... Don't jump right on that horse; talk to her about stuff. Tease her, intrigue her. After a few mins, either take a number (if you plan on setting up something a few days later) or plan for that same day. Something along the lines off... "I gotta meet up with my friends...." I'll let you find the answers by yourself.
[QUOTE=Methylparaben;35395724]Well put and point taken. I just didn't have the balls for it, at least not this time round.[/QUOTE]
If you don't have the balls for it this time, you sure as fuck won't have the balls for it next time. Have you ever ridden a bike, or jumped off a high dive before? You know how fucking scary that was the first time you did it? I know for a fact both those things had me metaphorically shitting myself just thinking about it. That fear doesn't go away the longer you think about it, or the more you mentally prepare yourself. In the end you have to just take the plunge, in spite of every fear and ill feeling.
You have to literally force yourself to do it. Then once you hit the water clumsily you realize there wasn't anything to be afraid of after all. In fact, that feeling of fear turns into excitement and happiness. You might be scared. Hell, you might even be awkward from your nervousness. However, you have to eventually do something for the first time, and it's a great opportunity to grow and learn as a person.
And even if you did bomb, you will find your "failures" are something to laugh at, rather than feel ashamed about. It's a memory, and how many people do you know who can honestly say they walked right up to a girl and her friend(s) and asked her out straight up? The outcome isn't even important, the fact that you faced your fears is what's important.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Seith;35395755]1. I wouldn't recommend setting up a date a few days later after you asked her out. Imagine you're in the best mood ever, then, a friends comes up and suggests going on Saturday to some awesome club. On the spur of the moment, you agree. You were in a good mood. A few days pass, mood shifts, you probably would pass on the idea when the time actually comes. Same with women.
2. When setting up a date, face to face, I would also recommend it being on that same day. Taking her somewhere, for the reason above. You need to leverage the attraction you've created (if you even did) and lock her in.
3. As to how you should ask her out... Don't jump right on that horse; talk to her about stuff. Tease her, intrigue her. After a few mins, either take a number (if you plan on setting up something a few days later) or plan for that same day. Something along the lines off... "I gotta meet up with my friends...." I'll let you find the answers by yourself.[/QUOTE]
I would say your "less thinking, more action" advice is a bit better than this. Yea, the advice is solid, but it's a lot to think about when you are asking a girl out, especially if the person isn't that experienced. The important thing is to nut up and do it with as little actual thinking as possible. If he is trying to plan it all out, he might make himself way too nervous, or act way too mechanical. I would say a "beginner's" chances are higher just doing whatever as long as it comes naturally versus following any specific advice.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35395781]If you don't have the balls for it this time, you sure as fuck won't have the balls for it next time. Have you ever ridden a bike, or jumped off a high dive before? You know how fucking scary that was the first time you did it? I know for a fact both those things had me metaphorically shitting myself just thinking about it. That fear doesn't go away the longer you think about it, or the more you mentally prepare yourself. In the end you have to just take the plunge, in spite of every fear and ill feeling.
You have to literally force yourself to do it. Then once you hit the water clumsily you realize there wasn't anything to be afraid of after all. In fact, that feeling of fear turns into excitement and happiness. You might be scared. Hell, you might even be awkward from your nervousness. However, you have to eventually do something for the first time, and it's a great opportunity to grow and learn as a person.
And even if you did bomb, you will find your "failures" are something to laugh at, rather than feel ashamed about. It's a memory, and how many people do you know who can honestly say they walked right up to a girl and her friend(s) and asked her out straight up? The outcome isn't even important, the fact that you faced your fears is what's important.[/QUOTE]
True, but I am trying to ease myself into these situations which I'm not at all comfortable with. In the end I totaly bottled it before the end of term so did it via a PM. Which although is not really what i wanted to do should force me to deal with the situation when college starts again, I just hope to god she replies.
[QUOTE=Methylparaben;35395864]True, but I am trying to ease myself into these situations which I'm not at all comfortable with. In the end I totaly bottled it before the end of term so did it via a PM. Which although is not really what i wanted to do should force me to deal with the situation when college starts again, I just hope to god she replies.[/QUOTE]
I'm just warning you bro, you can't ease yourself into asking girls out. It is such a different experience asking a girl out face to face versus phone or private message. You could be an expert on picking up girls via facebook but the first time you ask a girl out in real life will be exactly the same as if you never used facebook in your life. It's fucking scary. Hell, I still get fucking scared talking to girls sometimes. The point is that you really have to face that fear. One of my favorite quotes/phrases is "bravery isn't an absence of fear, it's doing what's right in spite of your fear".
I'm not going to judge you or anything, since I totally understand the fear and discomfort. However, ultimately I think you will find out how exciting it is to face it head on. Fear isn't something to hate, it's there for a reason. It's part of being a human being with emotions. Enjoy that fear, because approaching and asking out a girl will never be as exhilarating as the first time you did it, just like jumping off a high dive.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
BTW sorry if I'm assuming it's your first time. You didn't specify that. My point is that as you ask out girls more and more the fear and excitement start to dull a bit. The first time is intoxicating, but after a while it becomes more and more normal.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35395781]If you don't have the balls for it this time, you sure as fuck won't have the balls for it next time. Have you ever ridden a bike, or jumped off a high dive before? You know how fucking scary that was the first time you did it? I know for a fact both those things had me metaphorically shitting myself just thinking about it. That fear doesn't go away the longer you think about it, or the more you mentally prepare yourself. In the end you have to just take the plunge, in spite of every fear and ill feeling.
You have to literally force yourself to do it. Then once you hit the water clumsily you realize there wasn't anything to be afraid of after all. In fact, that feeling of fear turns into excitement and happiness. You might be scared. Hell, you might even be awkward from your nervousness. However, you have to eventually do something for the first time, and it's a great opportunity to grow and learn as a person.
And even if you did bomb, you will find your "failures" are something to laugh at, rather than feel ashamed about. It's a memory, and how many people do you know who can honestly say they walked right up to a girl and her friend(s) and asked her out straight up? The outcome isn't even important, the fact that you faced your fears is what's important.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
I would say your "less thinking, more action" advice is a bit better than this. Yea, the advice is solid, but it's a lot to think about when you are asking a girl out, especially if the person isn't that experienced. The important thing is to nut up and do it with as little actual thinking as possible. If he is trying to plan it all out, he might make himself way too nervous, or act way too mechanical. I would say a "beginner's" chances are higher just doing whatever as long as it comes naturally versus following any specific advice.[/QUOTE]
I made it probably sound more intimidating than it is. Those are some basic rules to ensure a followup date. While I agree about the beginner part, I still think it's something they can follow, without sound mechanical, because I did follow those rules myself when I first started.
[QUOTE=Seith;35395978]I made it probably sound more intimidating than it is. Those are some basic rules to ensure a followup date. While I agree about the beginner part, I still think it's something they can follow, without sound mechanical, because I did follow those rules myself when I first started.[/QUOTE]
Point taken. I don't know how socially awkward you were when you first started though. I was pretty awkward, and that type of advice ended up making me so much more awkward because I was overthinking everything. The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me was "Stop fucking thinking about it". I ended up getting a lot better and could then focus more on specifics after the whole experience became more natural to me.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35396003]. The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me was "Stop fucking thinking about it". .[/QUOTE]
Thats what I try to do but it never works when I'm right about to go for it my heart rate doubles and i bottle it.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
Well I have seriously fucked those two posts up haha.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
oh sweet christ, how did that happen?
[QUOTE=Methylparaben;35396011]Thats what I try to do but it never works when I'm right about to go for it my heart rate doubles and i bottle it.[/QUOTE]
Yea, that will happen. The less experience you have the harder it is to make the leap. However, when you feel your heart rate go up, and you get the nerves, you just have to force it. If it makes you feel any better, just remember everyone has to go through it at some point or another. It isn't abnormal, and it sure as hell isn't impossible to work through.
[editline]2nd April 2012[/editline]
And when I say the experience is intoxicating. I really mean it. The harder it is to do something, the more proud you are when you actually do it. No matter the outcome, just going through with it will make you feel like the fucking Don Jaun.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;35396065]Yea, that will happen. The less experience you have the harder it is to make the leap. However, when you feel your heart rate go up, and you get the nerves, you just have to force it. If it makes you feel any better, just remember everyone has to go through it at some point or another. It isn't abnormal, and it sure as hell isn't impossible to work through.[/QUOTE]
I just wish it was easier haha. If she does reply and we meet up i'll be back on this thread asking what the fuck I do next. Thats the part i'm not thinking about.
One of my friends said it's just a big game which gets more fun the further you get into it.
[QUOTE=Godline;35391578]No you fucking dont I had him on my ignore list because I couldnt stand the sight of it.[/QUOTE]
Wait, what? Maybe I'm remembering wrong then. Cause I remember he had a pretty cool avatar in the past.
hey guys, thanks for the help.
not really nervous now, just going to say after class "hey im free sunday, you wanna catch a movie?" or something like that. just worried that either she'll be talking to a friend and interuppting her will make it super awkward (seriously, i dont know how you guys would handle that, to me that would come off as insanely desparate and awkward) or that she'll say no.
[QUOTE=TheBassCannon;35397485]"hey im free sunday, you wanna catch a movie?" or something like that[/quote]
i wouldn't put a specific day down - makes it seem a bit premeditated and she might be busy on that specific day anyways
[quote]just worried that either she'll be talking to a friend and interuppting her will make it super awkward (seriously, i dont know how you guys would handle that, to me that would come off as insanely desparate and awkward)[/QUOTE]
hmm actually i think in a way if you play it well enough, semi-interrupting her (but doing it politely) might make you look pretty confident. again, i think it's about making yourself look relaxed and not like you've premeditated the approach like a 10-point plan for economic growth
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;35397626]i wouldn't put a specific day down - makes it seem a bit premeditated and she might be busy on that specific day anyways
hmm actually i think in a way if you play it well enough, semi-interrupting her (but doing it politely) might make you look pretty confident. again, i think it's about making yourself look relaxed and not like you've premeditated the approach like a 10-point plan for economic growth[/QUOTE]
Agreed, it will make you look more confident. Just say to her friend "hi there, mind if I borrow -girls name- for a second?" smile and move a couple of metres away and ask.
You guys could also just do what I do, in that not really care too heavily on dating, end up running into someone who you can just naturally talk to FOREVER (which is big when you are generally an introvert who enjoys good social time like myself).
IMO your best match is also someone who can be your best friend as well if you weren't romantically involved. The best part about people like that too, is that it's so damn easy to sync up with them once you run into them. There's no worrying about making a good impression, nailing a date, trying to impress or be cool around their friends, etc. You sync up naturally to the point where even if you are seriously flawed, the other person doesn't care because they understand and/or accept who you are from the get-go. It's super easy to get a relationship going with someone like that! The downside is you'll likely not just *find* someone like that any day of the week, so your actual dating experience is going to be limited. It can take years to find someone like that, as it's also someone you're not likely to simply find, more like someone you naturally meet/run into.
Granted that's what works for me. I've never been one to just "date" people, even though I've wanted to at one time. After one sour relationship I kinda just stopped caring about dating people and went on to care more about my own life and my own direction, which is where I ended up meeting my BF and getting to know him naturally through the above mentality. I've been with my BF for almost a year and a half now, and it's weird. Every day feels like I've known him my whole life yet at the same time it feels like I just met him the other day. It's pretty great. He's the only person I've ever known that I can be totally open to, casually around, etc. I still have my personal (introverted) time and all that, but I can be around him whenever and be totally comfortable one-on-one. He's very understanding too, which helps.
Goddamnit.
I asked her out, and she said she was seeing someone already, despite the fact that we'd had classes with each other for 6 weeks, and we'd been joking around with each other and such. As if it could have not been obvious to her in that time.
fml
So, my girlfriend broke up with me recently. She happens to be a senior so her excuse for breaking up was that since shes going to new york for college kinda soon, we shouldn't get too attached to each other. She saw what happened to her friend when she had to brake up with her bf since he left and claims she was full-blown miserable after that happened and said she didn't want that. She also said its hard to be intimate with me while having that in her mind. I think its a stupid excuse and its maybe due to other factors, but she said she wanted to stay friends and what was the problem since the only thing different was that we wouldn't be intimate together. I haven't said yes to being friends and I don't know if I should. She says she loves my personality and thinks I'm handsome, but how does she expect us to be friends? Some of my friends say I shouldn't be friends since she may come back to me, which I doubt, if I say no to being friends and will start to miss me. I don't know if I want to be friends with her, I still have strong feelings for her.
[QUOTE=TheBassCannon;35405610]Goddamnit.
I asked her out, and she said she was seeing someone already, despite the fact that we'd had classes with each other for 6 weeks, and we'd been joking around with each other and such. As if it could have not been obvious to her in that time.
fml[/QUOTE]
Unlucky dude. You're best off trying to forget about any form of romantic involvement with her and move on now. More fish in the sea ;D
[QUOTE=BLOB Fish Dude;35406463]So, my girlfriend broke up with me recently. She happens to be a senior so her excuse for breaking up was that since shes going to new york for college kinda soon, we shouldn't get too attached to each other. She saw what happened to her friend when she had to brake up with her bf since he left and claims she was full-blown miserable after that happened and said she didn't want that. She also said its hard to be intimate with me while having that in her mind. I think its a stupid excuse and its maybe due to other factors, but she said she wanted to stay friends and what was the problem since the only thing different was that we wouldn't be intimate together. I haven't said yes to being friends and I don't know if I should. She says she loves my personality and thinks I'm handsome, but how does she expect us to be friends? Some of my friends say I shouldn't be friends since she may come back to me, which I doubt, if I say no to being friends and will start to miss me. I don't know if I want to be friends with her, I still have strong feelings for her.[/QUOTE]
it's understandable to me.
Some people just can't do long distance
also, from another forum, totally not relevant, but Quoted for FUCKING TRUTH
[quote]ever.
look, young man - you've heard that two halves make a whole, right?
people wind up with people the level they're at. don't dive for damaged, incomplete people just to get your dick wet. crazy will drag you down and keep you down, because misery loves company.
take the time to develop into a whole person, on your own. bitches love that.
when you*re a complete, whole person and find another that has become a complete, whole person - two whole people make a couple.[/quote]
[QUOTE=BLOB Fish Dude;35406463]So, my girlfriend broke up with me recently. She happens to be a senior so her excuse for breaking up was that since shes going to new york for college kinda soon, we shouldn't get too attached to each other. She saw what happened to her friend when she had to brake up with her bf since he left and claims she was full-blown miserable after that happened and said she didn't want that. She also said its hard to be intimate with me while having that in her mind. I think its a stupid excuse and its maybe due to other factors, but she said she wanted to stay friends and what was the problem since the only thing different was that we wouldn't be intimate together. I haven't said yes to being friends and I don't know if I should. She says she loves my personality and thinks I'm handsome, but how does she expect us to be friends? Some of my friends say I shouldn't be friends since she may come back to me, which I doubt, if I say no to being friends and will start to miss me. I don't know if I want to be friends with her, I still have strong feelings for her.[/QUOTE]
I just wrote this in the other thread for someone else, it might be helpful for you as well:
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;35405892]I can understand the desire to 'make peace' with your past and to try become friendly with an ex again. Good friends these days are far and few between, and so it makes sense to want to hold onto something that you've invested time and emotion in. However, I just want to pose to you these questions; is the friendship based on a real, rational, mutual connection, or is it more akin to an attempt to hold onto something comfortable that you want back? Is it arising out of a genuine interest in connecting with someone else as a person, or rather out of a fear of having to be alone again? You even just said yourself, of course the feelings are still there, and so really I would urge you to consider these sort of questions, and don't be afraid of admitting, and acting on, the truth.
For a long time my ex and I tried to be friends, and it really just never worked out without complications. Only very recently have I felt a complete emotional disconnection from her and the relationship, and I think it's only when you get to this point are you in a position to decide if you want to be friends again or not. I've gotten here and I've realized that as much as I appreciate the time we had together, and as much as the memories and experiences we shared mean to me, I don't feel any desire to continue a friendship with her again.
Of course by this, I don't mean completely booting her out of your life or whatever, and even since I made the above realization, my ex and I have chatted briefly a few times with no hard feelings. KnowProblem's suggestion is fair enough but I personally think you need to take this time off and really figure out where you're at yourself, and if you have completely and genuinely moved on. Only then would I suggest seeing each other and trying to break the ice to establish a connection again.
All the best in any case dude :)[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=trotskygrad;35406926]it's understandable to me.
Some people just can't do long distance
[/QUOTE]
But thats a couple of months away and I wasn't even planning to have a long distance relationship. I knew we would brake up before she left when I started dating her but I don't know how she didn't think about it. We even talked about that she was going to college later. Plus when she broke up with me she seemed kinda relieved and when I was pretty sad and about to leave I said maybe one last kiss and she said no. She does that which tells me that she doesn't have feelings for me but then she says lets still be friends. I did have that one sex anxiety thing with her (I took it really bad at first but really it was funny, i just took off my pants too early) and at a dance she refused to grind with me which was weird and gave me a silent treatment, so I think those factored in the breakup, but nothing else was going bad. I can't tell whether or not she still has feelings for me.
[QUOTE=TheBassCannon;35405610]Goddamnit.
I asked her out, and she said she was seeing someone already, despite the fact that we'd had classes with each other for 6 weeks, and we'd been joking around with each other and such. As if it could have not been obvious to her in that time.
fml[/QUOTE]
Hey, look on the bright side. You officially have more balls than most other guys. That's something to be proud of. =D
[QUOTE=TheBassCannon;35405610]Goddamnit.
I asked her out, and she said she was seeing someone already, despite the fact that we'd had classes with each other for 6 weeks, and we'd been joking around with each other and such. As if it could have not been obvious to her in that time.
fml[/QUOTE]
Man that sucks... But you did it. and for that, I'm so damn proud of you.
-salute-
[QUOTE=TheBassCannon;35405610]Goddamnit.
I asked her out, and she said she was seeing someone already, despite the fact that we'd had classes with each other for 6 weeks, and we'd been joking around with each other and such. As if it could have not been obvious to her in that time.
fml[/QUOTE]
Well done for building up the courage to ask her out though. And maybe next time check the girls relationship status on Facebook.
[QUOTE=Mort and Charon;35409528]Well done for building up the courage to ask her out though. And maybe next time check the girls relationship status on Facebook.[/QUOTE]
Relationship status on facebook is iffy. Some girls don't put their relationship status, and some have their relationship status set falsely. It's always better just to ask out the girl. If she says no because she has a boyfriend, whatever. Just don't rely on a social networking site that often has bad data to make your assumptions.
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