• Texts from last night - Hillarious website. [NSFW]
    72 replies, posted
(561): It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out. Reminds me of something.
(425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
(770): Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on. [editline]07:43PM[/editline] (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My word.
(717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one... And (425): Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
(513): Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word (732): I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home. [editline]08:10PM[/editline] (352): dude they were twins that means they were both only 17 [editline]08:10PM[/editline] (724): I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay? (724): I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
pretty much none of them are funny
(616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman?
(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some of these scare me. :ohdear: (715): Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's. :haw:
They should make an option to put in british area codes. Edit: What's actually dumb about this? What I'm trying to say is British people use it too and we have 5 digit area codes rather than 3.
[QUOTE=Egevened;17945588] (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"[/QUOTE] ahahahahaha
(651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now My new favourite.
(740): My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome I don't even know what this means...
fuck been going on this site almost everyday after school since like august :P best one of all time tho (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is just like the TWI app for the iPod
[QUOTE=Dacheet;17947239]This is just like the TWI app for the iPod[/QUOTE] Or the TFLN app for the iPod. :downs:
(803): Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
[QUOTE](816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.[/QUOTE] That was actually slightly painful to read.
(973): we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had garry? is that you?
(415): Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius. [editline]10:26PM[/editline] (516): Are you with Adam and his vodka? (1-516): Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
(586) Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridiculous brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24 (1-586) Sounds like a baby waiting to happen Hehe, so true.
[QUOTE] (484): He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark [/QUOTE] What the hell? [QUOTE] (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] (910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works. [/QUOTE] It's amazing what magical thoughts appear in text messages. [QUOTE](845): I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] (586): just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] (603): ...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night.. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] (254): I'M GETTING MARRIED! (512): YOU'RE STILL MARRIED! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] (343): STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS. [/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Wootman;17947350](803): Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages[/QUOTE] Nice
[quote] (973): we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had [/quote] :v:
the other day i found a phone in some barkchips at my school so i started looking through the messages and something about a dealer came up. he had train wreck so i looked in her sent messages to find a name to see where i could find it... the messages were about a party and jagerbombs, followed by bong hits and x or something then she sent to someone. i know i have never been so fucked up, it felt great until i pooped something that felt like wet styrofoam. strange.
[QUOTE=Dlaor;17945522] [QUOTE](215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section[/QUOTE] I lol'd.[/QUOTE] Me and my friends were thinking of doing this sometime as well.
(714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me Epic win [editline]06:59PM[/editline] [QUOTE=Earthen;17947011]fuck been going on this site almost everyday after school since like august :P best one of all time tho (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.[/QUOTE] Oh holy fuck
(251): i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening. [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (617): Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (203): thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number. [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (440): Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade. [editline]10:37AM[/editline] (219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
(716): u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you. (320): im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it... (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. (586): it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special (307): If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
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